#source: my brain

[moonchild311]

"people who stay up at night are either insomniac or In love" people who stay up at night read gay fanfiction on AO3 what are you on about?

[eiraeths]

soap: stupid- fucking

ghost: coffee machine broke again?

soap: i’m going to kill someone

ghost: have you tried sucking it sloppy style?

soap: do you know how to fix it?

ghost: i might

soap: i’ll suck you sloppy style for a fixed coffee machine

ghost: wait-

[romanoffshouse]

[Tony walking down the street.]

A kid: You look like Tony Stark.

Tony: That's because I'm Tony Stark.

The Kid: You wish.

[Natasha laughs from behind]

[ralvezfanatic]

Y/N, to Spencer while straddling his lap: Glasses stay on during sex.

Spencer, who was about to take his glasses off: Oh, um.. okay.

Y/N: Wait I meant that as in my glasses. I'm blind as fuck.

Spencer, slightly confused: Oh. *moves his hand to take his glasses off*

Y/N: Wait no, keep yours on too, they're super hot

Spencer, still confused and now flustered: ...

[mooncalf87]

Alastor: did you just start dating Angel because now I will feel bad if I take you away from the hotel

Husk, purring, his head in Angels lap: nah thats just a plus

Angel: suck it bitch

Alastor: I would hurt you if Charlie wouldn't kill me as a result

[togrowoldinv]

Natasha, to the team: I am absolutely not a sappy person

Natasha, when y/n is around: Do you even know how much I love you?

Y/n: How much, babe?

Natasha: I haven’t figured it out yet since I’m pretty sure the limit does not exist

[animatedmess]

Clark is more himself when he is in civilian clothes but no glasses, no costumes just him

Bruce is more himself when he is in slacks and sweaters but has his hair a bit more out of place, no need to keep the perfect image of the stupid billionaire, no cowl to hide behind.

[midasinc]

NEW DATA UNCOVERED: combeferre and enjolras are actually a butch x masc lesbian couple in Hugo's original manuscript

[sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes]

Virgil: they call me Triple A, cause I'm Anxiety, A-... I'm just realising as I'm saying it out loud that I don't know what else to put here

Janus: Asshole

Roman: Asexual

Remus: Agender

Logan: Autistic

Patton: A friend!

Virgil: jeez were you guys waiting for me to say this

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Solar: Look at this thing.

Solar: *holds up Jack like a cat*

Solar: This thing has not a single thought in its head.

Solar: But this thing is my son.

[very-uncorrect]

Susie: damn, I almost forgot humans don't turn to dust. Heh, what're gonna do with your body when you die? Burying is so boring

Kris: there's lots of different ways to get rid of bodies that aren't burying.

Kris: You could use me for target practice

Susie: maybe I'll throw grenades at you

[arachpool]

Logan: do you even have your license?

Wade: to…??

Logan: drive??

Wade: oh. No!

Logan: what else would I be talking about?

[esmerxyaugusta]

y/n: do you ever wonder where birds go at night or where they live?

nat: no.... but they live in trees... i think..

y/n: well guess what! i never think abt birds and when i do.

y/n: i feel like birds just un-spawn at night and respawn in the morning and annoy us to our deaths...

nat: ......

i was thinking abt this in the car before...

[romanoffshouse]

Tony: Y/N, your phone is ringing.

Y/N: Who is it?

Tony: It says "mommy is calling".

Y/N: Oh, it's Natasha.

[waterfire1848]

[ Fire Siblings as kids. ]

Azula: You’re adopted!

Zuko: Mom and dad found you in the woods! You’re adopted!

[ Fire siblings after the war. ]

Azula & Zuko: I wish I was adopted.

[overheardbyvarioustherapists]

Idia: My favourite thing about cats is that either they're the silliest creatures alive or they look like they're planning world domination.