#steve doesn't mean to cry ; it just happens . he feels exposed and he feels loved and he's struggling with all the emotions of it all
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in reference to @alaskan-wallflower's post , i made this drawing just because i felt like i needed a little stevepop angst-comfort in my gallery... and i just really felt heavy over the post 😭 /vpos
now playing: Orange County — Dylan Kanner ♪
there's just something so intricate to me about steve being vulnerable even when he doesn't exactly want to be, but he'll let his guard down just for a moment for soda
he's always got such heavy walls up but something about soda really tears them down because of just how easily he can find the cracks within them
they care for each other in the most gentlest of ways to me ... i dunno, i just really like these guys :3c
not much of a ramble today since I'm a bit out of it (and distracted halfway) but i thought I'd at least share the drawing since i finished it !!!
#so sorry for the tag! not sure if people are okay with those still haha :')#holding these two so delicately in my hands they're such sad little guys#sighh.. .#yeah i still haven't got much to say#peep the shading though i got a bit bored with flat colors this felt like it needed mood lighting#(I didn't really shade lighting here though 💀)#steve doesn't mean to cry ; it just happens . he feels exposed and he feels loved and he's struggling with all the emotions of it all#and soda's just giving him all the love he deserves ; soft kisses and gentle thumb brushes against his back and onto his neck#iiiii dunno i just love little scenes like these where they're intimate and sad all in one#something something can't go a day without thinking of these two#sodapop curtis#steve randle#the outsiders#the outsiders fanart#stevepop
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Palm Springs - Leigh Shaw
All Works Masterlist
Summary: In Palm Springs, Leigh meets you. The season one finale re-imagined.
Warnings: (+18), smut, cursing, dom!reader, bottom!leigh, explicit language, explicit consent, brief mentions of harassment, fluff, brief rivalry dynamics, hopeful ending.
Words: 5.378K
Notes: My love, @abimess, this is my apologies for you. I kept mistaken "Wanda" instead of "Leigh" at some points in the writing, but it all worked out in the end. I hope you all enjoy the read, this is my first time writing for this character.
//-//
You threw the signed divorce papers against the passenger seat, ignoring the thick tears that welled up in your eyes.
Raising your hand, you turned up the radio and kept driving. Your cell phone started ringing the next moment, but you ignored it. It was probably Bucky or Steve calling to find out where you were after your little outburst at the company fundraiser.
Honestly, it wasn't your fault. You were handling it all very well, but Carol decided it would be a good idea to give you the divorce papers while you were surrounded by your closest friends, and that was the trigger. But now you were driving to Palm Springs, finally taking the damn vacation your ex-wife had put you through so much hell to get, but now, the seat next to you was empty.
It took a few hours to get there, since the complex is in New York, but you didn't care, having spent most of the way trying to understand how you managed to lose a woman like Carol Danvers.
No bags, you ignored the curious look one of the hotel staff gave you as soon as you pulled into the parking lot, smiling slightly as you took off your sunglasses and asked for directions to the front desk.
You frowned slightly as you were almost run over.
"Watch where you're going!" You shouted angrily at the driver, and the woman returned you the same angry look. Great, you've barely arrived and you almost died. This weekend was promising.
Stepping back, you waited for the woman to drive, not failing to give her a wry smile as she passed you. After this, you walked to the reception desk, and the area was quite full, which was normal for a weekend.
"Reservation in the name Danvers." You said to the receptionist after the greetings. He smiled as he checked the information.
"Valentine's suite, I see." He commented cheerfully. "Shall I prepare a second key for your partner?"
"It's just going to be me, buddy." You grumble, ignoring the uneasy feeling in your stomach. The man smiles awkwardly, but doesn't apologize.
After checking in, you go up to the third floor.
The room makes you sigh with disgust, the flowers and chocolates give you a headache. It takes ten minutes to find a chambermaid and ask her to remove all the decorations.
While your room is being cleaned, you decide to buy something to wear, since you didn't bring anything to spend the weekend at the hotel.
"Good morning." You mumble the greeting as you enter the gift store, your gaze wandering around.
"How can I help you, dear?" The saleswoman asks politely, smiling at you.
"I need something to wear for the two days I'm staying. It was a last-minute trip." You tell her, and the saleswoman looks surprised, but doesn't comment.
The woman eventually showed you the summer shirt section, and you sighed softly as you looked through the options. She walked away to attend to another customer, and you left your attention to the clothes.
A moment later, you picked out a few pieces and turned to talk to the saleswoman, only to run into the woman who had almost run you over earlier looking at the book section.
"You again." You let it slip not so low, attracting the woman's attention. She frowns for a second, and then she recognizes you. But before she can say anything, the saleswoman is speaking.
"Oh, you two know each other already?" She asks excitedly. "It's amazing how we can find friends here in Palm Springs isn't it?"
"We're not friends." You both inform at the same moment, and you squeeze your eyes shut slightly. The woman straightens her posture, pressing the book lightly against her chest as you switch the shirts on your arm. The saleswoman's curious expression prompts you to speak.
"Actually, she almost killed me." You say. "It was going to be quite a headline for this hotel. I'd be careful about the people you guys host around here."
The saleswoman looks at you with confusion, while the other woman lets out a dry laugh.
"You're the one who walked across in the middle of the street!" she defends herself. "It's not my fault if you weren't taught how to cross the street in school."
"Oh, so it's the victim's fault now?" You retort and the woman looks at you incredulously. A third customer enters the store and stares curiously at the argument, but the saleswoman is quick to gesture between you, smiling wryly.
"Oh come on, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding" The saleswoman remarks and you sustain the annoyed look the other woman is casting at you. "There's no need for an argument."
"Of course not." The woman says forcing a smile, but her posture remains aggressive. "We are both civilized adults."
You bite your tongue to avoid another provocation, looking away from the green irises in front of you.
"Of course you are." The saleswoman says smiling, and then her gaze catches the shirts hanging from your forearm and she lets out a light exclamation. "Come on, I can finalize your purchase if that's all, dear."
You turn toward the cashier next, and it is only after you have paid for the clothes and are leaving that you see the other woman again on your way back, but she does not look away from the books to you. You couldn't care less.
//-//
In your room, you can't resist the urge to look at your phone.
Bucky has called five times. And Steve even sent you an email. You sigh weakly, feeling guilty as you catch a glimpse of Tony and Natasha's message notifications.
Your friends didn't care that you started crying in the middle of the meeting you were at because your ex-wife decided to bring a sensitive topic like the end of your five-year marriage to the table, but you were hating yourself for it.
At this point, you didn't even know what you had been crying about anymore. You and Carol had always had a difficult relationship, and since you got married, you began to wonder why you had done it in the first place.
You loved her so much when you first met her, and then everything gradually broke down. The lack of compatibility, the jealousy and possessiveness, and the lack of time. Carol was a soldier in the army, and you were a Shield special agent, and your jobs took up a lot of your schedules. But you knew that this was just another empty excuse. After all, your best friend, Natasha, was also an agent, as was her wife, and they made everything work properly.
Maybe things were meant to happen that way. That didn't mean it didn't hurt.
After taking a shower, you grumble lightly as you realize that you forgot to buy a bathing suit. And well, everything special about Palm Springs was the magnificent pools.
You figured the shorts and top you had would have to fit.
The pools were considerably more crowded than the rest of the hotel, and this was probably due to the current temperature.
You decided to buy a drink before sunbathing, realizing that most of the chairs were occupied.
The bartender was a pretty girl and smiled mischievously at you when her gaze fell on your collarbone exposed by the cut of your shirt, but you just gave her a half-hearted smile. Being newly divorced wasn't exactly the best scenario for flirting.
"What can I get you?" The woman asked as she rested her hands on the counter in front of her. You bit your lip thoughtfully, running your eyes down one of the menus left on the wood.
"Honestly, I don't know anything here." You say. "But I would like something sweet."
It takes a few minutes for her to prepare a drink for you, and you thank her as you accept.
As you sip a drink that tastes like strawberries and condensed milk, you look around the surroundings.
You frown slightly as you recognize the woman from the store, watching her sit in one of the chairs that has just been emptied in front of the bar. She doesn't notice you, but you notice her exposed legs, mentally scolding yourself for doing so.
As you take another sip of your drink, your tongue getting used to the sugary sweetness, a man approaches the stranger in front of you. From this proximity, you can hear the conversation, or rather the small harassment that he was doing.
Rolling your eyes at the stranger's clearly offensive attempt to approach the other woman, you force yourself to get up and walk over to them.
Well, Nat always said that you were a person with a natural talent for theater and you wish she were here now to see the little scene you caused.
Pretending to trip over the sunshade support, you made a sudden movement and knocked your entire drink against the man's collarbone, who let out an exclamation of anger and surprise as he stood up.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" You asked in a falsely guilty tone, forcing an expression of shock. Before he could say anything, you were already grabbing one of the towels left on the little tables beside the chairs and throwing it harder than necessary against the man's face. "Here, honey, clean yourself up."
The man blinked in surprise, and glared angrily at you for a second before muttering "whatever" and turning to leave. When he was already a safe distance away, you turned your face to look at the seated woman.
"Sorry about your book." You speak as you notice that the spilled drink has dripped a little on the pages. "But if you ask me, the ending sucks."
"Thanks, I guess." The woman mumbles not keeping her gaze on you. "I didn't need you to help me, by the way." She adds and you roll your eyes, realizing that the chair next to her got empty after your little commotion. When you sit down, she raises her gaze to you in disbelief.
"Who said I was helping you?" You retort. "I love throwing expensive drinks at strangers."
Your joke elicits a nasal chuckle from the woman, who softens her posture.
"If you want to lose money, I suggest donating rather than wasting it." She teases back and you bite back a smile, shaking your head slightly. When she opens the book again and leans her back against the chair, clearly deciding to ignore your presence, you copy the position, but stand with your arms folded across your chest and close your eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun against your skin.
You are tired from the trip, and eventually fall asleep. When you open your eyes again, the woman is no longer there.
//-//
Since you have napped until the afternoon, there is no chance you will sleep early. You try to distract yourself with television, but most of the programs are pay-per-view and you have probably already exceeded all the limits that a Shield salary can afford, so you decide to spend some time on the activities included in your weekend bundle.
After putting on a shirt to join the lobby, you take the elevator down and step out into the outdoor area, not surprised to find the place as busy as before. The difference is perhaps the lack of children because of the time of day.
You walk toward the bar and roll your eyes slightly when you notice the same man as before being loud and boisterous along with a small group partying near the place. But you ignore them as you sit down on the first stool you find.
"Well, if it isn't my knight in white armor." A female voice comments wryly beside you, surprising you mildly. You look at the woman with a raised eyebrow, but she is looking straight ahead.
"So you expect me to call you a princess? We don't even know each other." You retort in the same tone, and watch the woman bite back a smile, rolling her eyes slightly.
You stand in silence while you order a drink, this time smiling in the same way that the bartender smiles at you. While you wait, you can' t help but look over to the side.
"You know, I think I might need to get your name." You begin in a tone of false seriousness, not knowing why you want to pull conversation with the stranger, but doing it anyway. "Since I need to know who to sue for attempted hit-and-run."
The woman laughs lightly, and as she sets her drinking glass back down on the counter, she turns her body toward you, without getting up.
"The smart thing then wouldn't be to say my name, don't you think?" She retorts with amusement in her voice. "That way I avoid a lawsuit."
You smile in a corner, shaking your head slightly. You lean your arm on the counter, and it takes a moment for her to speak again.
"I'm Leigh."
"No last name so I can't find your ID, right?" You tease and she smiles, licking her lips for a moment. "Well, I won't tell you mine either then." You comment before telling her only your first name, and she laughs lightly. "May I at least know your profession? Or, I don't know, where you're from? I need that information to track you down."
You joke, and Leigh makes a thoughtful expression for a moment.
"I'm from everywhere actually." She says mysteriously. "Because I'm an international jewel thief."
You smile at the mixed tone of seriousness and playfulness in her speech, respecting her right not to want to tell you the truth, and acknowledging the identity she chooses to assume.
"Oh, really?" You ask joining in the joke. "And let me guess, your disguise happens to be as a fashion stylist, right? And you have a red motorcycle and deadly poison hidden in your lipstick?"
Leigh holds back her laughter, nodding.
"I can't confirm any of that information, actually." She says. "After all, a little incident happened and I wasn't able to finish the story."
You laugh at the teasing, taking a sip of your drink. Before the moment of silence lasts any longer, you ask if you can approach. When Leigh consents, you take the seat next to her.
"And what do you do?" she asks as soon as you sit down. You clear your throat lightly.
"I'm a secret agent, actually." You tell her and from the woman's expression, she still believes you are joking. You do not correct yourself however. "Lasers and villains, the whole story."
Leigh smiles, murmuring in understanding.
"And what is a secret agent doing in Palm Springs?" She asks next and you assume a dramatically thoughtful expression.
"I got a hint actually." You reply. "A jewel thief, fugitive from the government. I'm trying to gather information to effect her arrest."
Leigh fakes an expression of horror making you laugh.
"If I see anything suspicious, I'll give you a heads up." She jokes and you smile, enjoying the whole thing. Before you can add anything else, the small group next to the bar let out loud laughter and they attract your and Leigh's attention.
You frown slightly when you witness the guy from earlier whistling at one of the hotel staff, the people with him finding his little scene of harassment funny.
"I guess a drink in the face isn't enough for some idiots." You comment and Leigh sighs mildly. She looks at you at the same moment you look at her.
"Maybe more drinks will be enough."
That's how you end up doing a little mischief that involves distracting the stranger with comments about his muscles while Leigh approaches and manages to get the man's card. When you walk away, after she hands the bartender the hotel ID after ordering a round for everyone at the bar on the stranger's behalf, you were laughing.
"I'm beginning to believe your thief story." You amused comment as soon as you and Leigh reach the trail out of the bar area. She just smiles at your words. You clear your throat next. "I guess I need to show off my secret agent skills then."
Leigh looks at you curiously, but you just smile as you nod in the direction of the gardens.
You walk for a few minutes in silence, and you remember everything you have observed since you arrived at the hotel, and are able to find the small opening in the fence that you saw some staff members pass through in the afternoon.
"Please, milady." You joke as you make room for Leigh to cross the path first, and she rolls her eyes with amusement before doing so.
You end up in some kind of unfinished private garden, but one that is still very pretty.
Perhaps it is an area under construction for some kind of party, as it has a stage set up in the center and some folded chairs scattered about.
Your attention falls immediately to the piano that has also been set up high on the dark stage.
"How did you find this place?" Leigh asks as she looks around, and you walk past her to get on the stage, eliciting a giggle.
"Field study, of course." You reply with false seriousness. " A secret agent never goes anywhere without studying the whole place first."
Leigh murmurs in agreement, deciding to follow you to the stage. You take a seat on the piano bench while she remains standing in front of the organ.
"Do you have any requests?" You ask looking down at your fingers as she studies your face.
"Old Mac Donald had a Farm." She replies and you choke on a laugh.
"And I thought your taste in music was as good as your fashion sense." You tease causing her to raise an eyebrow.
"Is that your way of complimenting what I'm wearing?" She retorts but you just bite back a smile, moving your fingers across the keys.
You decide to play a melody that she may not recognize, but is exactly what you feel you should play.
When the first notes of " Spring - Ludovico Einaudi" echo in the room, Leigh looks at you in surprise, but you just smile.
It takes a moment for her to surround the piano, and to sit down next to you. You continue to play, enjoying the sound and concentrating not to misplay the notes.
When you make a particularly fast movement on the piano, Leigh looks at you impressed, but you just push your shoulder lightly against hers, smiling. Neither of you regains the distance from before, and you continue to play.
When you finish, you are silent for a moment.
"Where did you learn to do that?" She asks in her low, impressed tone as you both look down at your hands on the keys. You sigh slightly, moving your fingers away and placing your hands in your lap.
"I used to play when I was a kid." You reply. "Before I was a secret agent, of course."
Leigh smiles, biting her lips lightly. You look away from the movement, to her hands quickly.
"Let me show you." You whisper as you reach out your hand to hers. When she accepts, you position her fingers on the keys, and then fit your hand on top of hers. "You start like this."
The sound is far from perfect, and Leigh laughs every time she misses a note, so you don't really care.
You stay like this for a few minutes, until you can get her to complete five notes without making a mistake.
"See? You' re almost a pianist already." You comment with a smile, looking at her face. She mimics your movement, and you feel your heart skip a beat from the closeness.
You feel the tension build in the room, but before you can think of doing anything, a male voice is breaking the spell.
"Sorry, but this area is for employees only." Informs the young man from the hotel, seeming slightly embarrassed to interrupt. You and Leigh quickly walk away, standing up and muttering an apology in unison to the guy, who waits until you leave by the trail he guides.
When you reach the entrance to the social area again, the employee closes the gate, waving slightly. You and Leigh exchange amused smiles.
"So... what do you want to do now?" You ask the next moment, wanting to prolong the evening.
"I want to swim." She declares and you frown slightly, then shrug. You nod in the direction of the pools and you exchange a glance before starting to walk.
//-//
At the edge of the pool, you sigh slightly.
You exchange a look with Leigh, standing next to you, and then you laugh softly as you both begin to undress.
You can't resist the urge to look at her, especially since she jumps in first and you catch a glimpse of her body covered only by a bikini. Ignoring your uncompensated heartbeat, you jump into the water next.
It's a good thing the water was cold, because you are feeling your face and body heat up at the way Leigh looks at you.
Trying to lighten the mood, you swim around her, casually meeting her gaze again as she mimics the movement.
You laugh lightly when you realize that you are swimming in circles around each other, and decide to stop. Leigh swims in front of you a moment later.
"Hello, superspy." She greets you almost in a whisper waving her arms to continue on the surface in front of you.
"Hello, international thief." You speak back in the same tone, your gazes locked on each other.
You wonder if she would like you to break the distance, as her gaze has lowered to your lips for a few seconds. But before you can surrender to this urge, she takes a step back.
"I'm cold."
And then she swims away, and you wonder if you have taken the whole thing the wrong way.
Following her a little way back, you look for towels.
//-//
"Which floor are you on?" You ask as you reach the elevators, each with a towel around your body. You watch Leigh tighten her arms against herself slightly.
"Second." She replies half-heartedly, and you nod.
"Let's go together then."
She gets into the elevator first, and after she presses the button, you stand next to her, your back against the wall.
The tension is back the moment the doors close, but after the pool, you find it best not to take any action, not wishing to make Leigh uncomfortable.
You reach her floor a moment later, and when she doesn't leave, you hold your breath.
You risk a corner-of-your-eye glance at her, but she continues to stare straight ahead, sighing slightly.
Trying not to look like a complete mess, you wait for your floor to arrive.
//-//
The way down the hallway is silent, and despite your nervousness, you don't fumble to open your room.
Leigh enters first, and strides into the room as you close the door.
She stops in the center, her gaze scanning around for a moment before returning to you. You hold your breath, and then she lets the set of clothes in her hands fall to the floor.
You bite back a smile, mimicking the movement. Taking a deep breath, you do the same with your towel, and ignore the heat in your cheeks as Leigh's gaze descends to your body covered only by your underwear.
She removes the towel at your waist next, and you stare at her exposed legs for a moment before moving slowly toward her.
You smile shyly as you stop in front of her, and it takes a second for you to slowly lift your fingers to touch her, tracing the outline of her arm and watching her skin shiver.
"Everything okay?" You ask softly raising your gaze from where your fingers were touching to her eyes. Leigh sighs, shaking her head in agreement. You give her a short smile, placing your hand on her cheek, and watching her lean into the touch slightly. "Use your words." You ask in a whisper, your other hand repeating the motion of your fingers from before, even more slowly.
"Y-yes." She confirms half breathlessly. "And you?"
"Yes." You say, your hand reaching for the strap of her bikini. "I'm going to kiss you now, Leigh."
She nods in understanding, sighing heavily. You didn't correctly calculate how attracted you were to her, because the moment your lips touched, you felt your head spin and it was hard not to push her against the bed immediately.
You both sigh against the kiss, and you slide your tongue into her mouth next, your hand on her face running down to her neck, deepening the kiss even more.
Leigh seems hesitant to touch you for the first second, but then she gasps against your tongue, and brings her hands to your shoulders, bringing one of them up to the back of your neck and scratching the skin, making you sigh.
With the hand that was on the bikini strap, you use your fingers to pull the strap down, and with the other hand you repeat the movement on the other side. When the bikini falls to the floor, your hands go down to her waist, and you pull her toward you.
Leigh gasps at the contact of your breasts bumping together, breaking the kiss with a wet sigh, and you take the opportunity to move your mouth down her collarbone, enjoying the sounds you manage to get out of her whenever you bite her sensitive skin softly.
You lean against her to lower your kisses to her breasts, and when your mouth finds the hardened nipple, she arches her back, closing her eyes as her fingers force your head forward against her breast.
"Oh." She moans as she feels you suck on her nipple, your other hand moving up to give her other breast due attention, your fingers playing with the tip. " Oh, fuck, that feels good."
You smile against her skin, feeling your core tighten with the sounds you are tearing out of her.
When your hand on her waist moves down to her ass, squeezing the flesh and pressing Leigh's hips against yours as your mouth continues on her breast, she moans loudly as she throws her head back, shuddering against you.
It's enough to make you lose control. You need to know how she tastes.
Gasping, you move your kisses down again, and Leigh holds her breath as you get down on your knees.
You kiss her thighs first, while your hands pull down the fabric of her panties.
When the fabric falls away completely, you swallow dry, your gaze glazed on the exposed intimacy of the woman in front of you, your mouth salivating to taste her.
"I-I'm gonna fall." She comments shyly, and you notice how her knees are already shaky. You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to stand up.
You take Leigh by the hand to your bed, and she stands there, making you smile. You move forward against her mouth again, and she sighs, almost losing her balance from the intensity.
"Lie down." You ask between one kiss and another, making her moan softly. "Spread your legs for me."
Leigh gasps against your lips as you slip your fingers through her folds for a moment, before pulling away until she obeys. You bite your lips as you watch her lie down.
Before you join her, you remove the rest of your clothes. Leigh's cheeks redden, but you give her no time to register this, climbing onto the bed with your knee between her legs and kissing her again.
As she begins to squirm beneath you for more friction, you move your kisses down her body.
She closes her eyes when your mouth is at the level of her belly, breathing hard.
When your tongue touches her pussy, you both moan loudly. You are amazed at how wet and hot she feels, the taste filling all your senses. And Leigh bites her lips to stop herself from moaning out in pleasure when your tongue begins to move against her clit, sucking and licking her devotedly and making her whimper.
"F-fuck." She moans breathlessly, her hips thrusting into your mouth. "Yeah...right there... don't stop..."
You lift your hands to her thighs, holding her open. Your own intimacy pulsing from the way Leigh is surrendered to you and the sounds she gives you.
Keeping the strokes of your tongue as deep as you can and being sure to press your clitoris in return, you feel her pussy tighten and Leigh's body begins to quiver in spasms.
"I-I'm... close... fuck..." she begins to whimper disconnected words, long moans escaping her throat. It takes only two more strokes for her to come on your tongue, her moan loud enough to be heard in the next room, but neither of you care.
You drink all of her cum, enjoying the taste and feeling on edge, without even having been touched yet.
Moving up your kisses again, you deposit slow kisses against Leigh's skin, waiting for her to recover from her own orgasm.
When you reach her mouth, she kisses you back with the same intensity.
You just know you're not going to sleep early tonight.
//-//
When you wake up, your bed is empty. You are surprised by this, really.
The night was very good. Much better than any one-night stand you have ever had.
After getting dressed by finding your articles of clothing, you walk to the front desk.
It takes a few minutes to find Leigh, and you frown when you realize from the bag in her hands, the documents, and the car key that she is leaving.
"Wow, you weren't even going to leave a note." You tease as you catch up with her. She is startled by your sudden presence, but forces a smile.
"Look, I'm sorry..." she starts but you shake your head.
"No need." You interrupt by putting your hands in your pockets and shrugging. "It was just one night after all."
"Yes." She reaffirms what you say, staring at you. You hold her gaze, and a long minute later she sighs. "No, it wasn't."
You swallow dryly, watching her. She seems conflicted about something, her expression going from worried to guilty in a few seconds, and then she takes a deep breath and shakes her head before looking at you again.
"I can't." She says, and you sigh lightly. "I just... can't."
"It's okay." You decide to say, ignoring the way your stomach is flipping with nervousness or your heart is racing. "We are civilized adults, aren't we?"
Leigh smiles, and you watch her eyes water for a moment before she quickly hides her emotion. You feel the same way.
" This is a goodbye." Leigh says next, and you look away to the floor, nodding in understanding.
"Goodbye, Leigh. It was nice meeting you." You say as you look at her again, forcing a smile even though your eyes are watering.
She smiles, approaching to kiss your cheek close enough to your lips to make you shiver. She doesn't pull away immediately, raising her mouth to the height of your ear, she whispers "I left a note." and before you can understand what has been said to you, she is gone.
It is only at the end of the day, many hours after she has left, and you are already inside your car that you rummage in your pants pocket looking for the car key that you find the note.
It is a piece torn from the page of the book "Unmoored in milan", the paper stained with drink. In the corner, in cursive letters it is written. "to my favorite secret agent. Leigh Shaw, Los Angeles."
You smiled at the words, and as you were driving back to New York, you wondered how long it would take Natasha to find out Leigh's phone number.
//-//
Tag list> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia
@mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @HELLOALYCIA // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm
// @sxfwap // @table57
#Leigh Shaw x reader#leigh shaw x reader#leigh shaw#leigh shaw x you#sorry for you loss#elizabeth olsen imagines#avengers imagines#sorry for you loss imagines#leigh shaw imagines#leigh shaw x yn#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda x reader#leigh shaw imagine#Leigh Shaw#wanda maximoff fic#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x you#elizabeth olsen#sub wanda#sub leigh#sub!leigh
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MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of unaliving self, PTSD, Bucky have flash backs, vomiting, loss of pregnancy, ED if you squint, lots and lots and lots of angst. sad, saaaad, Bucky :(
female!reader x steve and bucky love triangle (not as much here)
Side note: HI! I'M SO SORRY! I LOVE YOU ALL:) *also if the text is in italics it means there's a flashback*
part 1
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It had been almost a month since Bucky had last seen Y/N. Tony and Steve thought it was best for Y/N to be admitted to the psychiatric ward at the near by hospital. But you have been gone a month. And you didn't put Bucky down on the approved list of people that could come visit you. The only thing he had left of you was the last conversation you guys had, and it was slowly driving him insane.
"Bucky? Where are they taking me? I don't wanna go." You were still loopy from the anesthesia Banner had used during your surgery. The way you were talking to him made it seem like you had just forgotten everything that had happened over the last 3 months.
"Shh, it's okay." Bucky said softly. Talking still hurt his throat. "But you gotta. You gotta get better, okay?" You nodded and sniffled. "Don't cry doll. It's all gonna be okay." He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, like he always did when you were upset.
"What happened to your face?" You muttered, your fingers grazing across the cut on his cheek bone. Bucky flinched at your touch, not wanting to remember how it felt.
"Don't worry, doll. Just get some rest. I'll see you soon." Bucky stood up from beside the cot and nodded at the paramedics who were standing close by to take you to the hospital.
"Bucky?" You asked quietly.
"Yeah, doll?" He could feel the hot tears in his eyes getting ready to spill over.
"I love you."
"Bucky," Sam tapped his shoulder. "Are you listening?"
"Sorry." He mumbled. "Just thinking." He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, wringing his hands together.
"I asked how you were doing?" Sam repeated.
"I'm fine."
"Don't do that Buck." He scoffed, slumping into his chair. "You gotta talk about this shit, man. And I know you normally talk to Steve but-"
"Sam, don't."
"Bucky-"
"I don't need your fucking pity.” Bucky growled, getting to his feet. Sam stared into his eyes with exactly what Bucky was upset about; pity.
"I am trying, damnit." Sam seethed through his teeth. "I am trying to hold you together and I am trying to hold Steve together. I hate being the middle man but if you two want to act like you're in high school and give each other the silent treatment, then I'll do it. I don't like seeing my friends hurting." He sighed and rubbed his temples. "You are very clearing showing signs of PTSD, and if you just let me help you, I can try to make it better."
"Everyone hates me, Sam." Bucky changed the subject.
"No, they don't. They're worried about you." Sam tossed his arms up in the air, exasperated. "You and Steve lost so much in one night, they're scared for you. They are mourning with you, Bucky. Please understand that."
Bucky scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I gotta go, this was pointless."
"Bucky-" He didn't hear what else Sam had to say before he shut the door to his office behind him and stormed down the hallway. He scoffed and shook his head. Fucking therapy. Tony had forced him to go or else he was sending him some place like Y/N was. He didn't need it anybody’s help, he was fine.
Bucky had wondered around the compound for hours after been you’d taken away, unsure of where he was going. This place felt so empty without Y/N here. He felt so empty. He found himself standing outside Steve's room after walking for hours. The sun was starting to rise now. His arm jerked as if he wanted to knock on the door, but he couldn't do it.
Then why did he knock?
Steve opened the door and was standing in front of him, eyes red from crying. His hair a mess. He definitely didn't look like the calm and collected Captain America.
"What the fuck do you want?" He spat, glaring down at his best friend.
"I-" Bucky was at a loss for words. "I don't know."
Steve laughed bitterly. "Get the fuck out of my face before I knock your teeth out."
"Steve, please-" Bucky's voice broke. "I need-I need you. Please."
"You need me?" Steve hissed. "What about what I need, huh? Does how I feel just not matter to you?”
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, staring down at his feet. He couldn’t look Steve in the eyes any longer.
“You were fucking her.” Steve laughed, almost as it was a joke. “You were fucking my girl. You got my girl pregnant, and she tried to kill herself. Because of you, Bucky. So get out of my face. I don’t care what you have to say.”
"You're the only one-" Bucky tried desperately. He needed to talk. And Steve was the only one who understood.
"Save it, I don't wanna hear it. You ever show up at my door again," He took a deep breath, his eyes falling on the bruising cut that was on his cheek. "I won't stop this time." Steve slammed the door in Bucky's face.
Bucky was standing in front of Y/N's room. The door had long opened and an empty room was staring back. After you had left, Pepper and Nat had cleaned your room up the best that they could. While cleaning they had found an ultrasound picture hidden away in your nightstand. Nat said she wanted to throw it out but Pepper stole it from her and brought it to Bucky one evening. Bucky didn't know what to do with it so he brought it back to your room, stashing it away where you had kept it. He didn't want to take anything out of your room for when you came back. He wanted it to look like how you had left it. Well- before you destroyed it anyway.
Bucky slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, the springs groaning at the sudden weight on it. No one had sat here in a long time. Bucky heaved a sigh and hung his head, his long hair made a curtain around his face. You were always telling him to cut it.
A frown crept onto his lips, silently cursing himself. You teasing him about his hair is was started this whole thing. It was 4 months ago, you guys had most of the compound to yourself and were passing the time playing a drinking game.
He still remembers the smile on your face when you had brought up his hair, thinking it was hilarious how it was so long. Your laugh was more intoxicating than the alcohol the two of you were consuming. He just couldn't stop staring at you, your beautiful eyes, your hair that smelled like lavender, your gorgeous smile. And every time you leaned over it would expose your cleavage from the top of the thin tank top you had on. By the time you were done giggling Bucky had leaned in and grabbed your face, pressing his lips firmly against yours. You were stunned at first but quickly gave into his advances, as you had been waiting for this moment too.
A noise outside the room made Bucky snap back to reality.
"Thought I would find you here." A soft voice whispered. It was Nat. She gave him a soft smile before sitting down on the edge of the bed beside him. "It okay if I sit?" Bucky shrugged his shoulders and nodded. "Sam said you're having a bad day."
"Sam doesn't know shit."
"I know some days are tougher than others. You seemed to be doing okay last week. Actually saw you smile." She laughed quietly. Bucky didn't say anything. "She's not dead, Bucky."
"Why the fuck-"
"Shut up and listen." Any hint of kindness in her voice was gone. "I'm not like Sam, I'm not gonna coddle you. She is alive and is doing better, I just came from the hospital."
"We'll I'm glad you got to see her." He scoffed.
"I know you're not gonna hear what I have to say, but just listen to this- you are not alone, Bucky. Okay? I know none of that matters because you don't have the people you love most around you. But the rest of us are you for you, and Steve. Okay?" Bucky opened his mouth to snap something back but Nat held up her hand. "Just tell me you understand, okay? Because if I have to clean up one more persons blood off the floor I am going to loose my mind."
Bucky sighed and nodded his head. "Okay. I understand." Nat patted him on the shoulder before standing up and left the room. A tear dribbled down his cheek and he quickly whipped it away. Why couldn’t everyone just leave him alone?
Absolutely exhausted, he kicked his shoes off and laid down, not wanting to pick himself up and walk back to his room. Everything just felt too heavy. His eyes slowly fluttered shut, no matter how hard Bucky fought against it. But it was just too heavy.
"Hey, I need to talk to you." Banner said quietly, standing in Bucky's door way.
"What?" Bucky grumbled from his spot on the bed. "If it's about checking my head, I don't want to hear it. I'm fine, he didn’t hit me that hard.”
"No, it's not that. I need to know-"
"Then what?"
"I need to know what you want to do with the fetus...the baby." He shifted his weight back and forth.
A heavy silence surrounded the two of them. "Why me?" Bucky croaked out finally.
"Well, you're the father and-"
"Don't. Don't call me that." Bucky pointed a stern finger at him Bruce stood there awkwardly, waiting for Bucky to tell him what to do. He blinked back a few tears and cleared his throat. "What do you think I should do?"
"Well, everyone else thinks you should bury him."
Him. It was a boy. Bucky was going to have a son. His son. Y/N's son. Our son.
"Then bury him."
"I think you should go."
"I don't want to."
"Bucky, please. You need to cope."
"Oh yeah, and how should I do that, doctor?" Bucky snapped back. Bruce sighed, defeated. "Go fucking burry the thing and get over it. I don't want to be there, got it?" Why was he saying this? That's not what he wanted to say.
"Okay. Sorry for bothering you." Banner exited his room in a defeated sigh, his shoulder hunched over.
Some more time ticked by before there was another knock on the door. Bucky jumped slightly as he just starting to fall asleep. He hadn't slept in about two days and it was starting to take a toll on him. The evening sun cast shadows that danced around in his dark room.
"Bruce I swear-" He opened the door and stepped back, surprised. It was Pepper. She smiled shyly at him. Bucky thinks she hasn't said more than 10 words with him since he came to live at the compound a year ago. Mostly just awkward good mornings when they came into the kitchen at the same time to get coffee. Pepper always got up early but Bucky was fed up of trying to fall asleep.
"Oh. Did...did you need something?" He asked looking down at her. Pepper wasn't as hard as everyone else at the compound, she hasn’t seen the things everyone else had. He had barely spoken to her and there were already tears forming in her eyes.
"Nat-" She cleared her throat and attempted to wipe the tears away from her eyes. "Nat and I were cleaning up Y/N's room, so it won't be a mess when she comes back. And we'll we found this." She held out some grainy pictures. Bucky wasn't sure what he was looking at.
"What are these?" He muttered, taking them from her.
"They're ultrasound pictures. I guess she knew..." She cleared her throat again, fighting back the urge to cry. "Sorry. I guess she knew about the pregnancy. Nat wanted to throw them out but I thought you should have them."
Bucky didn't know what to say. He didn't want to open his mouth and rip Peppers head off, because he knew that she was just trying to be nice. Trying to make him feel better, but honestly it was just making him feel worse. If you knew you were pregnant why did you try to kill yourself? Or is that why you tried to kill yourself?
Before he could think of what to say, a sob ripped through his chest, his knees giving out under him. Pepper moved quickly to his side and threw her small body against Bucky's, wrapping him up in a hug. She tried to hold him up the best she could, but they crumpled to the ground together.
"I'm so sorry, Bucky." She cried. Her hands grabbed the back of his shirt, like she was trying to keep him from falling apart. It wasn’t working. It felt like someone was chiseling away at his heart. He clutched the ultrasound pictures to his chest, another sob wracking through his body. He wanted Y/N. He wanted you here with him, mourning the loss of your child together. "I'm so sorry." Pepper repeated. Bucky gently pushed her away and tried to calm himself down.
"Thank you for these, Pepper." He babbled. "But I need to be alone. Please leave me alone." She shook her head at what he was saying and tried to protest. He held up his hand to stop her. “Go. Just go.” He pleaded. Finally, she left him there, sitting in the door way, holding the only pictures of his son that he would ever get.
Bucky woke up with a gasp, his clothes were soaked and sticking to his skin from his sweat and it felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest, his stomach churning in knots. He scrambled out your bed and into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. These fucking dreams would not leave him alone. Ever since you left that's all he was able to dream about.
He spilled his guts out a few more times before slumped down beside the toilet, he shoved his head in hands and took a few deep breathes, trying to ease his spinning head. He gagged at the taste of vomit in his mouth and spit into the toilet again. Standing up shakily, he looked at himself in the mirror that was above the sink. He hated the person looking back. He looked sick, disgusting.
Saying Bucky looked rough was an understatement. His eyes were sunken in, which were accompanied by dark bags. His hair was ratty and dull and he hadn't trimmed his beard in weeks. He had also lost weight and muscle mass from not being able to eat. He couldn't. The only thing he was able to keep down was chicken broth and he hardly even eat that. He had no desire to work out either. His metal arm, which he usually polished at least once a week was dull too. And covered in scratches from him clawing at it in the middle of the night.
Bucky sighed heavily and rinsed his mouth and face with water. Patting his face dry with a towel he realized for the first time, he was starving. He could smell someone cooking bacon down in the kitchen and it made his mouth water.
Maybe Sam was right, Bucky did need to talk about this. Or maybe Steve was the one who was right. This was all his fault. He made the first move on you. The baby was his. Everything was his fault. Maybe if he had just left you alone, none of this would have happened. He couldn’t think straight anymore, nothing made sense without you here.
He pushed his thoughts out of his head as he remade your bed. Picking up his boots from off the ground, he slowly made his way back to his room. It was a hot mess inside, more than normal. Bucky doesn't remember the last time he picked anything up. He discarded his sticky clothes and got into the shower, letting the hot water fall over his skin. He hummed contently as he washed his hair, yanking to get the knots out. While he was in there he trimmed his beard the best he could without looking in a mirror.
Getting out and rubbed the steam off the mirror and looked at himself again. His beard and his hair looked better, but his eyes still looked empty. He still felt empty. Bucky tossed on some clothes that smelled the cleanest, which happened just an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt.
Taking a deep breath he left his room, or his cave, as Sam called it, and went down to the kitchen. It seemed like everyone was there, talking and laughing together. Bucky felt an instant nauseous feeling build in his stomach as eyes fell on him. He felt like an outsider, no, he was an outsider. Always has been as always will be
"Hey, Buck." Sam greeted, pulling Bucky out of his thoughts. "There's coffee in the pot if you want some." Bucky gave him a small smile and poured himself a cup, and grabbed a few pieces of bacon and fruit that was cut up. He sat down beside Sam and cleared this throat. Sam looked down at the small amount of food that Bucky had gathered and frowned slightly, but refrained from saying anything. He should be glad he was eating at all.
"Where's Steve at this morning?" Bucky asked, taking a sip of coffee, which stung going down his throat.
"Oh, he went to visit Y/N." Sam replied nonchalantly.
"Hm." Bucky stared down at his food, which suddenly repulsed him. Maybe this was a mistake, he should have stay in his room. Sam silently cursed himself for bring you up and tried to change the conversation.
"Sleep any better last night?" Sam questioned.
"A little. Fell asleep about an hour after we got done talking." He shrugged. “Woke up a little bit ago.”
"So you slept for 14 hours?" Sam chuckled. "We got done talking at 5, so you were out for 14 hours. I'd call that pretty good sleep."
"Doesn't mean it was restful."
"It's still a good thing that you slept through the night." Sam took a bite out of his bacon. "Oh my god, I swear Vision makes the best food." He goaded. Sam was obviously trying to get Bucky to eat.
"I know." Bucky faked a smile as he couldn't shake the feeling that he was going to get sick again. The feeling suddenly got overwhelming and he suddenly stood to his feet, his chair scrapping loudly against the floor, which caused everyone to stop and look. They watched as Bucky disappeared down the hall to the bathroom.
There was nothing in Bucky's stomach for him to throw up, besides that little bit of coffee. He was now just dry heaving, spit trickling down his chin. He just wanted this to go away, why couldn't it go away? Bucky heaved into the toilet one last time before picking his head up, wiping away the spit that was now traveling down his neck. He noticed there was a slight red tinge to it.
He brought his knees up to his chest and his hands shook as he pushed his hair out of his eyes. The room was spinning, he was so dizzy. His mouth felt he had just chewed on chalk. He was a super solider, god damn it. He wasn't supposed to feel like this. Something wasn’t right.
He slowly got to his feet, hanging onto the sink for support. Slowly he made his way back to the kitchen, leaning against the wall so he wouldn’t fall over. He just needed to get to Banner. Banner would know what to do.
Back in the kitchen, Bucky could hardly see. His vision was darkening and his ears were ringing. He could feel eyes on him. Gripping the wall for support, he dry heaved again. “Bucky?” Someone asked, concern in their voice. That voice. He knew that voice.
“Y/N?” He panted, his head snapping up. The quick action made his head spin and his grip on the wall loosened. He caught a glimpse of you right before he fell on his face, vision going black, everything falling silent.
part 3
#bucky drabble#bucky oneshot#bucky fic#james buchanan barnes#bucky barnes#bucky x y/n#bucky imagine#bucky x you#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#please don't hate me#marvel imagine#mcu#i'm so sorry lmao#bucky deserves love#bucky deserves better#bucky fanfic#steve rogers#mcu imagine#james barns#captian america#marvel fandom#marvel fanfiction
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Unexpected Arrival -4
Pairing: Eventual Bucky x Reader, Possible Steve x Reader
Summary: As if working with the Avengers wasn’t exciting enough…. an unexpected visitor is about to change your life forever.
A/N: This part kinda took a little angsty turn! After the next chapter, there may be a little time jump.... i havent decided yet. Thank you to everyone who is reading/sharing, it means alot!

I was cleared by Bruce, as long as i promised to take it easy for a couple of days! Bucky walked with me back to the residential floor, Evie safely tucked into his right arm as i leant on his left for a bit of support.
"Hey Buck, lets just stop in the common room for a bit. I need to eat and not be stuck in a bed for a while"
"You sure? Bruce said to rest...."
"I'll be resting just fine on the sofa, while you make me a sandwich"
"Okay, deal" he chuckled shaking his head as we walked into the common room. I walked over to the sofa and gently lowered myself down, Bucky standing close by waiting for me to get comfortable.
"I'm not sure how much rest you'll get when the team realise you and Evie are in here" he said leaning forward to place Evie in my arms once he saw i was settled "what do you want on your sandwich doll?"
"I really dont mind, id eat anything im that hungry" i scoffed as i snuggled into the sofa with Evie laying on my chest.
"Well i'll be damned!!" Came the booming voice of Sam Wilson.
"Shhhhh she's sleeping bird brain!" Bucky snapped as he playfully shoved Sams shoulder.
"Sorry! I didnt know!" He mumbled as he walked over and sat across from me "i heard what happened but i thought they were all just messing with me!!"
"Nope its true, surprise huh?"
"Id say!! She's beautiful Y/N" Sam flashed a huge grin as he looked down at Evie.
"Thank you Sam" i smiled proudly and looked over to see Bucky keeping a close eye on us while he made my sandwich.
"What are you? The baby bodyguard?" Sam laughed teasing Bucky, Sam had obviously noticed that Bucky was keeping a close eye on us.
"Try the baby daddy!" Bucky replied with a dead straight face and murder in his eyes.
"What??!!" Sam practically squealed at Bucky's reply.
"Oh my god Buck.... did you really just say that?" I laughed at him, his eyes met mine and his facade broke as he burst out laughing "im sorry! I heard Tony say it yesterday" Bucky shrugged as he walked over with the plate holding my sandwich.
"Please don't ever say that again"
"Wait.... are you serious? Or are you fucking with me?? i honestly cant tell!"
Sam said shaking his head and looking super confused.
"Language! Don't swear around my daughter!" Bucky slapped Sam on the back of the head as he passed.
"Switch please" i smiled up at Bucky before taking the plate, once his hands were free he carefully picked up Evie and had her held against his chest in no time.
"Wow..... you’re like... good at the dad thing Buck" Sam said sounding surprised.
"I had younger sisters growing up, it was a long time ago but I'm pretty sure its still the same" he chuckled.
"Wait, how long have you two...."
"You can take this one Buck I'm eating" i said with a shit eating grin.
"Thanks Y/N" he rolled his eyes, looked at Sam and shrugged "it was one time, we're not together.... but we're in this together. Right doll?" He looked at me and smiled.
"Yep, what he said" i replied trying to keep my tone steady, it hurt a little hearing how casual he made it sound. It took me back to when he had acted like nothing had happened between us after we finally slept together all those months ago.
"I cant believe y'all have a baby!"
"Neither can we!" I said around a mouthful of my sandwich "imagine my surprise when Bruce told me i didn't have stomach flu and that i was in fact in labour!"
"Thats crazy sweetheart"
"Sure was, scariest thing I've ever been through Sammy....And the pain.... nothing compares to that!"
"But it was worth it, look what you got out of it" Sam was hovering around Evie clearly wanting to hold her but Bucky wasn't parting with her just yet.
"She was worth every bit of the pain".

Later that afternoon I was walking back to the common room after taking a shower and getting into clean clothes, i stopped by the door when i heard Sam and Bucky talking in hushed voices.
"Oh come on man! These girls are hot! You cant pass that up!" Sam was saying to Bucky.
"I don't know Sam, i don't really think me going out on a date is a good idea right now"
"Why the hell not?? Just because you got a kid now? Im sure Evie wont mind"
"Y/N's been through a lot man, i just feel like i need to be here for her and Evie"
"Buck come onnnn! they will both probably be asleep by 7pm! the date is at 8, you dont need to stay that long..."
I couldn't believe what i was hearing! I pushed the door open making sure it was loud enough that they heard me. Both men turned to face me, Sam with a huge fake smile and Bucky just looked plain guilty.
"Sorry did i interrupt something?" I asked casually as i flipped on the kettle to make some tea.
"No doll of course not"
"I was just telling Bucky about a date i arranged for him.... a double date actually. I needed a wingman"
"Oh...."
"And I was just telling Sam that i didn't think it was a good idea. I thought it'd be best if i stayed here incase you and Evie needed me"
"If you wanna go Buck don't let us stop you" i snapped turning to face them "i'll be fine with Evie on my own"
"See! I told you she'd be cool!"
I was suddenly feeling so angry and on the verge of tears all at once! I just needed to get away from them, I walked over to Bucky and reached down taking Evie.
"She needs feeding" i said simply "go on your date Bucky" i mumbled as i turned around and headed for my room.

I was sat on my bed nursing Evie with tears running down my face when i heard the knock on my door. I chose to ignore it hoping that whoever it was would take the hint and leave me alone.
"Y/N.... doll i know you’re in there i can hear you" Steve called from outside making me sigh and wipe my tears away.
"Im just feeding Evie, i'll be out in a minute"
"Can i come in?.... i can tell you’re upset sweetheart"
"Im fine Steve..." i called back but burst into tears again. The next thing i know the door clicked open and Steve came in, he pushed the door closed behind him and locked it before rushing to my side. He sat next to me on my bed pulling me into him carefully while trying not to disrupt Evie's feeding.
"You wanna tell me whats wrong?" He asked quietly as he stroked my arm trying to calm me down.
"Im just a huge hormonal mess right now Steve" i mumbled not wanting to admit what had set me off "its been a lot to adjust to i guess and i think its all just catching up to me"
"You sure thats all? You know you can talk to me Y/N.... about anything"
"I know" i nodded "I'm not even sure why i got so upset.... not really"
"So something did upset you"
"It was stupid..... don't worry about it" i told him as i sat up seeing that Evie was done feeding, i held her blanket over my chest so i didn't expose myself to Steve.
"Could you take her for a second while i sort this out?"
"Sure" he nodded happily taking Evie.
I straightened out my shirt and settled back against the bed watching Steve burp Evie. His huge hand was rested against her chest supporting her chin and jaw, his free hand gently rubbing her back.
"How do you even know how to wind a baby Steve?" I asked curiously, he looked like a pro!
"I may have done some research" he blushed a little "i wanted to know what kinda stuff needed to be done so i could help out if you needed me to"
I was suddenly crying again!!
"Oh god.... what?? Why are you crying?"
He asked starting to panic.
"That was really thoughtful of you Steve! I cant believe you went to that effort for us... for Evie"
"Of course i did, gotta be there for my favourite girls" he said smiling just as Evie let out a little burp making us both laugh, it was the cutest little sound!
"So why are you in here crying? Talk to me" Steve said a few minutes later.
"Steve...."
"Wouldn't have anything to do with whatever the hell Sam and Bucky were bickering over would it?"
"Probably" I nodded as i picked at a thread on the blanket avoiding looking at Steve "Sam arranged a date for Bucky. I heard them talking.... Bucky said he didn't think he should go considering I've just given birth to his daughter. He feels like he needs to be here incase we need him" i shrugged "i want him to want to be here for her, i don't want him to feel like he has to.... like she's a burden to his dating life" i admitted to Steve then started to laugh at how stupid i sounded "i sound fucking crazy i know!"
"No you don't"
"I told him to go, told him that he should go on his date.... not to let us stop him, that i would be fine on my own"
"But you don't want him to go on that date do you" It wasn't a question, it was Steve stating a fact.
"No..."
"Y/N, why don't you just tell him that?"
"Because i'll sound like a crazy woman!! he doesn't owe me anything Steve, he’s not my boyfriend.... we didn't plan this" i rambled on not even sure if i was making any sense at all "yes, we have a daughter together now but that doesn't mean he has to put his life on hold. If he wants to date who am i to stop him?"
"And what about your feelings for Bucky?"
"W..what?" I asked wide eyed, caught off guard by Steve's comment.
"Im not blind doll, i see the way you are with him... the way you look at him. You love him" Steve stated smiling "and that was before you had Evie!"
"I.... i dont... shit. So what if i do huh?? Steve, it doesnt change the fact that he doesnt feel the same way!"
"How do you know that? Have you asked him??"
"Of course i haven't asked him!! But he made it clear enough back in Alaska" i shrugged.
"What do you mean?"
"if you had finally slept with the woman you loved.... would you act like nothing happened the next day?? Act like everything was normal, ignore her even. Go on dates with other women...."
"I wouldn't no"
"Exactly! There's no point in me telling Bucky how i feel because i know he will never feel the same".
"Y/N...."
"Its fine, honestly. I'll be okay, its just the hormones.... I'm over reacting" i shrugged "please don't say anything to him Steve.... i know he’s your best friend but this stays between us".
"I wont, i promise" he smiled sadly as he held my hand bringing it up to place a kiss on the back of it.
"Thank you Steve".

#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#winter soldier#bucky fanfic#bucky imagine#bucky x you#sebastian stan#steve x reader#unexpectedarrival
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