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saintorr · 8 years ago

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UPTIGHT c. 2017 by St.Orr

I’m uptight because time is money; and my time is precious,

I want a commitment from you, don’t act all pretentious

I’m uptight because I want a pledge from you that you will show up

Cause even though you say you will, we both know that’s not enough.

I’m uptight because it’s important

that if people say they’re going to do something

they do it

in a world where too many words are broken as stones

and broken promises are the average, the common, the norm.

I’m uptight because time is a commodity; it’s all we have

and if we can’t show up when we say we will, then we’re no better off

than babies wetting ourselves and needing a mommy

to keep us clothed and taken care of.

I’m uptight because you send me salacious pictures and come unto me.

If you’re not going to deliver, then why do you bother

like some damn fly buzzing around my head?

While I just lie here on the beautiful beach of my life in the sun,

who delivers his rays every day for free on everyone

and who alone will remain

long after we’re all gone and dead

I’m uptight because I man up and try to make it right when I fuck up.

I’m uptight because I demand respect as I give it

and if you can’t respect me as much as you lust for me to fill your hole

then we are definitely not a match,

and you’re a dumbass, blindass mole

I’m uptight because I want the sex to mean more,

than a handshake in the dark, a casual conversation or a lark.

More than a tattered newspaper blowing in the wind,

or a hungry ghost

whose hunger has no end.

I’m uptight because I’m hurt, when you say you’re gonna call and don’t,

for a day is too precious to loose,

to say you will, when you mean won’t.

I’m uptight because I can see and feel all these things like the blood under my skin—and you can’t.

I’m uptight because you’re blindness makes me angry,

and like so many I’ve met before,

you’re just another jerk off,

nobody’s friend, another closed door.

I’m uptight because I’m scared that in my reflections, my solitude feels more relaxed and more like a natural state

than even the attempt of reaching out to someone like you

then getting nothing back

but a passive kind of hate

I’m uptight, yeah, right, that’s why I bike in the city during the day and even at night.

I’m uptight, so I’ll take a bath, get a massage,

dance, fuck or stretch to numb the pain

I’ll work out and warm up till my heart

can feel again

And after I resurrect myself

from the dead of you

I’ll write this poem,

in spite of, inspired by

the lie of you

I’m uptight because I’m vigilant

And I can only let people in

Who give me some soul in return

And a little space to vent.

I’m uptight because I owe myself to be something good

And not just be a trick you use,

throw out, dump on and abuse

I’m uptight because I ask that you do right by me

Not just fuck or fight

then on a whim enslave and set free

I’m uptight because I know my time here’s limited

And I’m a precious entity not just another number

that come a year from now you’ll forget you had and did

I’m uptight because I have no desire to leave

A lukewarm, tepid, dishwater-colored legacy

I’m uptight because I choose to be wise

not bitter, nor hiding

in the ashes

of your burned out fire,

Not a prisoner, nor a plaything

of your desire malcontent

I’m uptight because I’m bored of being an orphan

A victim of a wilding, a casual incident,

Who never acts but is only acted upon

Who never chooses but who’s only chosen

By other’s capricious acts of desire

And random, pointless discontent

I’m uptight because I know you’re the kind of demon who

Can steal it all away without a clue

Or even a thought of being cruel,

yeah I’m uptight.

If you can’t take it

be gone fool

I’m uptight because

I must give compassion

to that little boy inside

That’s the only rule

There’s nothing else

Left to abide

#steven orr writer #steven orr poet #nycmasseur.com #st.orr healing arts #fabulous faggotry #super faggot

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