#super quick thing because I got this image in my head and needed it materialized

[humlase]

His kids.

[taylortruther]

I also thing that she was probably drawn to his “fuck it” attitude and his willingness to be seen in public with her. Those things must have felt super refreshing coming out of the hyper vigilance about public image that joe was cultivating. I think Matty probably was really (I hesitate to say Good For Her) useful for her in figuring out what was possible to be public about. I think Joe made her feel like a dirty little secret that she needed to clean up and present herself in a very particular way to the world in order to stay in his good graces. But Matty was attractive because he said “fuck that, you’re hot and talented and more than just housewife material and the whole world should see that you’re mine” which obviously got warped into “you’re a trophy game animal and an idea in my head and a prize for me to win and play with as I choose”. But the initial contrast feels like the key to me. I’m so glad she has someone now who sees her as a full human being though!!!!

i think this could be true. he wasn't ashamed of her or her fame (which is just funny given the "emasculating" comments he made in 2014, who would've thought!) and wanted to be on her literal stage, watching her perform, wanted to get married to her, have kids with her. these were just things she wanted SO badly with joe, it's what she had planned on. she built up this fantasy about what they could've been - and so did he, by her own admission - and the reality did not measure up.

also, i think "i would've died for your sins" is closely related to "when that sky rains fire on you and you're persona non grata, i'll tell you i've been there too, and that none of it matters" and they are both key to understanding part of why taylor got with matty, too.

he has his fair share of controversies, and she felt she could ride through it, fix him, so people would accept him. she was willing to do A LOT of work for his sake, but mostly for hers: a get-love-quick scheme for her happiness. it shows how she viewed his "crazy" and hers, as well. two self-destructive artists, but her with the parachute to save them from the fallout. it tells a lot about how she views public criticism and how she views matty the person as distinct from his public mistakes.

[fanficsfromyesteryear]

LEVERAGE (PT 2)

A DEADLY CLASS ONE SHOT

— PAIRING: Marcus Lopez Arguello x Reader — WORD COUNT: 2,202 — WARNINGS: Cursing, violence, kidnapping — REQUESTED BY: N/A; literally one person commented that they wanted a part two and I already had it planned so- — A/N: So....... this got super long. Oops lol. I used some of the same dialogue from episode 10, but most of this deviates from the original source material which I did on purpose because it fit better for the sake of this story so please don’t come for me about not sticking to the “right” plot- Anyway, I had lots of fun writing this, and I hope you guys like it :)

Marcus could’ve sworn he felt his heart drop straight out of his chest when he got back to the van and saw you weren’t there. It was the strangest thing—he’d snuck off as the fight inside Shabnam’s house died down with a weird feeling that he should go check on you, needed to make sure you were still okay. You’re just being paranoid, he’d told himself, but he had to follow his instincts, just to be sure. Instead of finding you safe and sound where he’d left you, however, you were nowhere in sight.

When Marcus got back to the sprawling mansion, his friends were regrouping on the bottom floor in the kitchen. “Has anyone seen Y/N?” he asked as soon as he was within earshot, not even bothering to keep his voice down.

As the rest of the group exchanged questioning glances, Billy sighed. “I told you not to bring them,” he said, but he started to get to his feet regardless as if to help search the house, but Marcus was quick to shut him down.

“No, you’re right,” Marcus agreed. “It was my idea, and it’s my fault we’re even in this mess. I can’t risk losing any of you, too. Go back to the van. I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

The calm facade he’d put up for his friends’ sake was gone as soon as they were. Running through the house, bat poised and prepared to strike down any redneck friend of Chester’s that dared to get in his way, Marcus was absolutely frantic. Each time he called your name and no answer returned, gruesome images flashed in his head of all the reasons that could’ve been the case, of all the things he’d endured at the hands of Chester in Sunset Boys’ Home, and while he wouldn’t wish those things on anyone—especially not you, of all people—he couldn’t help that his mind naturally wandered to where his worst fears lied in wait, ready to overtake him at the first sign of danger.

You’re being paranoid, he told himself. This is like Vegas all over again. They’re fine. They probably just—

In Marcus’s haste and clouded state of mind, he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, and the sound of a cage door rattling cut off his internal monologue. “What the hell?” he muttered, fumbling in his pocket for his lighter. The room was dark, too dark to make out any specifics save for the vague outline of a figure squatting inside the small, metal prison. The flickering orange glow of the flame coming from the lighter in Marcus’s hand revealed his company—an old, angry woman in a pig costume snarled at him from behind the bars, and he couldn’t say he blamed her—he would’ve been pretty pissed, too, if Chester had dressed him up like an animal and caged him like one. It had been bad enough having had to share a room with him.

“Love him, my bull god!” the woman shouted abruptly. “Love him with your murder stick!”

She probably would’ve said more if it weren’t for the sudden bullet she received to the head. Marcus stumbled away in surprise, dropping his bat in the process. “What the fuck?” he said, ducking as he glanced around warily for the source of the deadly shot.

“A bat?” said Chester, stepping out of the shadows, gun in hand. “You watched the Warriors too many times, bud.”

And before Marcus knew what was happening, Chester overtook him like he had done so many times before.

The first thing Marcus noticed when he came to was the warmth. He opened his eyes, blinking in the bright light of the many bulbs that had been drilled into the makeshift sign that leaned against the wall beside him—Fuck Face, it read, in big, red lettering.

The next thing he noticed was the tape on his mouth.

Shit. He didn’t have time for this.

Marcus was vaguely aware of the old man from Shabnam’s party—the one who’d tried to correct him about what classified as a gravity bong—giving some sort of talk show introduction, but his attention was focused on where Chester stood behind the camera, now wearing a tacky blazer over his t-shirt and a manic grin on his mangled face. He seemed defenseless at the moment, and one look at Marcus’s unbound wrists told him that he could make a run for it, but he didn’t. It was too easy. Marcus had already underestimated Chester enough as it was, and he doubted he could live through making that same mistake again.

Instead, Marcus remained planted to his seat on the couch, but his eyes followed Chester as he moved to sit in front of the camera. Marcus saw Chester’s mouth move, he heard the music playing softly in the background, but it felt distant, like it was nothing more than a scene he was watching on a TV screen. It was as if he was a member of the live audience Chester was supposedly talking to through the camera lens, being forced to take part in the horrific game Chester was playing, and he couldn’t find the remote to change the channel to something better, something more pleasant where you were still safe with him.

“You’re gonna admit that you’re not the Orphanage Killer.”

That sentence alone was enough to bring Marcus back to the present. His dark eyes narrowed at Chester, whose smile faltered ever so slightly.

“And if you don’t,” he continued, “I might just have to take somethin’ of yours in return.”

Marcus’s brow furrowed. He didn’t want that to mean what he thought it did, but Chester turned to the man on the other end of the couch and said, “Why don’t you bring in our special guest, Mr. Shandy?”

The older man disappeared into a back room, and when he came back, he had you by the arm, leading you onto the shoddy set that Chester had put together for his talk show. You caught Marcus’s gaze as you were prodded toward the vacant sofa cushion beside him, silently pleading for help.

And Marcus wanted to help you, but for the first time in his life, the only thing he could think of was the consequences. He was scared, scared of losing you, but even more so of being the one responsible. He’d never be able to forgive himself if you suffered because of something stupid and reckless he’d done as some poor attempt to be the hero yet again. He was already the reason you were in this mess at all, and he couldn’t risk dragging you down any further into the hole he’d dug for himself. So, Marcus sat, watching quietly as you were placed next to him, unable to meet your tear-stained face.

“I found this pretty, little thing out in the yard,” explained Chester, “and I was about to kill them for seeing too much when I realized something. After your fireworks display, I needed to get back the upper hand. I needed some leverage. You’re too much of a good guy, Marcus, always tryin’ to save everyone, so I knew you’d come runnin’ straight to me once you found out they were gone. It was only a matter of time.” He paused, letting his words sink in, his gruesome grin returning. “So, either you give me what I want, or I’ll hurt you the way you hurt me. An eye for an eye and all that.”

You glanced nervously at Marcus, but he stared straight ahead, his jaw set and gaze hardening.

Chester waved a hand at Shandy, who reached across you to rip the tape from Marcus’s mouth. Marcus winced, but he didn’t make a sound save for the quiet exhale of breath that escaped past his lips. He was eerily calm, and you hated it. While you were moments away from yet another breakdown, he was just as stoically unreadable as ever.

Swallowing, Marcus, at last, said, “Chester killed all those people.”

Chester leaned forward in his seat. “Because?”

Marcus’s eyes darted over to you, then back at Chester. Why was Chester dragging this out? It was supposed to be simple—give Chester the credit he thought he deserved, and maybe you’d have the chance to walk away unharmed—mostly, anyway, though being held hostage in a stranger’s basement is bound to have lasting psychological effects. Marcus wasn’t so sure about himself—knowing Chester, he’d want to exact some sick sort of revenge—but he didn’t care about himself anymore. Your safety was all that mattered, but Chester seemed no closer to letting you go now than he did when you were first brought in. Marcus needed to buy more time. No, said the voice at the back of his head. You need a plan, dumbass.

So, Marcus did what he did best: he improvised. He was no stranger to talking his way out of dangerous situations, so what was one more? “B-because,” he started, his gaze drifting through the room as if he was going to find the words he needed scratched into the walls or hanging off of the ceiling.

Chester again leaned forward, this time so far you were sure he’d fall out of his chair. He gave Marcus his undivided attention, eagerly waiting for the next sentence to fall out of your boyfriend’s mouth.

“He’s desperate for some semblance of significance in the world,” Marcus continued, “to make a mark even if it is just a smear shit stain.”

What the hell? you thought, your irritation growing by the minute. You weren’t sure how kidnapping worked—this was only your first time playing the victim—but you were almost certain you were supposed to appeal to your enemy’s better nature. Tell them what they wanted to hear, and maybe they’d have mercy.

Marcus knew better, though. Chester wasn’t capable of mercy. All he knew was anger, an anger that, if fueled enough, could become blinding. Marcus was well-acquainted with that fiery rage—the scar on his face was a testament to that—and if he could redirect it onto himself, he could act as a shield for you.

Chester’s face fell, an eye twitching.

“Because he can’t make anything, so he destroys,” Marcus said, pressing on. “Because he’s the kind of guy who’d screw a goat on national television if it got people to pay attention.”

You wanted to scream at Marcus to stop, to tell him that he was only making things worse, but the tape on your mouth and the sheer fear of what would happen if you took it off prevented you from doing so.

“He doesn’t need a camera to do that.”

The focus of the room’s inhabitants shifted onto Dwight Shandy. There was a pause, the only noise filling the sudden void being his misplaced laughter, before Chester bolted upright, grabbed the gun off the corner of his desk, and lunged at Shandy.

“You hypocrite!” yelled Chester.

Maybe Marcus should’ve been thanking Dwight Shandy for drawing the attention onto himself and being the ultimate recipient of Chester’s rage, causing enough of a distraction for the Nicaraguan to grab your hand and drag you off the couch, but there was no time. Marcus led you aimlessly through the bottom level of the house, unsure from which direction he’d come but absolutely certain that he had to get you as far away from Chester as possible.

“I ain’t finished with you, boy!” Chester yelled, his voice echoing down the hallway after you as you ran. Marcus squeezed your hand tighter, pulling you to the side abruptly and into an alcove just out of sight. The space was small, and despite Marcus’s somewhat composed performance on set, you could feel his heartbeat hammering against you now, his breathing ragged as he held you close, doing his best to block you.

Soon after, Chester ambled past, unaware of your hiding spot. Carefully, Marcus crept out after him, much to your dismay.

The room was too dimly lit for you to see anything more than the faint outline of the two boys as they fought just on the other side of a tall shelving unit. One of them got thrown to the ground—Marcus, you assumed, if Chester’s bragging was any indication—as the other hovered over him, landing punch after punch. Eventually, you had to turn away, snapping your eyes shut as you forced down the taste of bile in your throat.

There was a metal clang, followed by the screech of a latch as a cage door opened, and the angry dog within was set free. Claws scrabbled against concrete, teeth snapping, and a set of hands grabbed you by the shoulders. You nearly jumped out of your skin as you cautiously opened your eyes only to see Marcus, now covered in blood, staring down at you. He gently grabbed a corner of the tape covering your mouth, his expression apologetic as he peeled it off.

You sighed in relief, collapsing into Marcus’s arms. “Is this what they teach you at that school?” you choked out, another round of tears already beginning to soak your boyfriend’s t-shirt.

Marcus buried his face in your hair. “You have no idea.”

[obeymeluv]

Isnt devildom liquor weaker than human world liquor? Mc had beat Asmo in a drinking contest. How do you think it they'd act, completely hammered in the human world. I think harder liquor means stupider drunks.

Spoiler alert to the in-game MC’s “heritage” reveal. You know, the descendent/reincarnation thing. If you know, you know.

Below: Thoughts on Devildom liquor + the specific incident Nonnie is talking about with Asmo in game + THE ACTUAL ANSWER TO THE ASK. My bad, haha.

My thoughts on Devildom liquor at that point in the game:

The MC is not as affected because they are human/angel. Maybe the angel part fortifies MC and makes it harder for them to get drunk?

Maybe the HUMAN side of MC is what makes it harder for them to get drunk on Devildom liquor? Like...everything in the Devildom is made primarily for demons so maybe there are ingredients in there that specifically affect those with demon blood. Maybe humans don’t have the biology to be inebriated by those ingredients?

I am a little fuzzy on that point in the game but did Asmo pre-game? Like, a lot? Did we ever find out? I could see him being so emotionally distraught that his lovely MC is leaving that he just wants to be sloshed. Maybe he assumed MC beat him in a drinking contest because he forgot how much he already drank?

Maybe Solomon gave MC a heads up that Asmo was down for drinking and gave them a pre-game potion of their own to ward off the affects.

End hypothesis: Maybe Devildom liquor IS strong (for demons) but that potency just can’t translate in human bodies so the bros (Lucifer especially) don’t want MC drinking it because they’re not sure what it will do. They just ASSUME it will do to MC what it does to them.

Other thoughts: Because demons sprinkled little secrets to the humans over the course of history, gave them trinkets and magic and things, I’d like to think they gave humans the idea or process of alcohol-making but are TOTALLY not prepared for the end result. All the flavors, types, etc. 

As far as I understand it (at the point I’m at in the game), travel between the Devildom and human world was widely discouraged until Diavolo could make a program that united the three realms and improved the overall image. So basically everyone has been separated for thousands of years.

What if demons are equally bad at holding human world liquor? I could just see a drunk Asmo being like, “What is this? Sangria? This isn’t what I told them to call it.” as he’s trying to drink and (speed) walk away from Beel, who wants the fruit out of the pitcher.

I could just see them all getting TOTALLY wasted on human world stuff just because they thought “Ahh, we taught them this 5,000 years ago! Of COURSE we can handle it! We invented it!” (spoiler alert: they cannot). Like, I’d like to think their biology works against them here. They heal quicker and probably get over stomach aches and things quicker, so they probably metabolize alcohol quicker to restore bodily equilibrium so they probably get flash-drunk off of just about anything with a decent alcohol content. 

HOW THEY WOULD ACT (AKA: the real question)

The facts: 

They’re all going to be like drunk kittens, big bassy purrs and wanting to cuddle you or scent you. 

They’ll basically curl up in a pile together; you occasionally have to move body parts (so no one suffocates). 

Do a head count every now and then, give them some crackers/carbs when needed, and put water all around them like a summoning circle because when one of them wakes up, all of them will and they’ll act like big babies

Put a bucket near Lucifer and Asmo, they’re sympathy pukers.

Levi and Belphie need total sensory deprivation when they wake up. You may only breach the darkness to bring them things to settle their stomach and anything to kill the headache

Just give Beel bread and anything like Gatorade/Pedialite. He’ll help you with the others after three loaves or so.

Asmo will be especially pitiful and demand you take care of the others first. Once they’re decently able to take care of themselves he’s near teary-eyed, demanding tummy rubs and tell him he’s still pretty even though he feels awful. Please get him a sheet mask.

Mammon’s not functional enough to help with anything major but he’s standing the next day so he rubs that in everyone’s face. He’s the one shuffling around with a half-eaten sandwich, looking for any comfort item (heating pack, cold wrap for his head). He will demon screech at you if you touch any of the lights in the house.

As Mammon comes to, he demands dim lights and acts like a grumpy mom. He’s making porridge and they better shut up and eat it. Says it’s for him but there’s a suspicious amount of bowls nearby.

Satan just swears he’ll never drink again (like always). Dutifully waits for porridge. Spends most of his time letting cold water run over his head. Can’t spend too much time hunched over because he gets nauseous. Baby him a little. Find a way to let his head float in a bit of water where he can lay down and he’s as quiet as a mouse. 

Who can drink the most? (Best to worst - my opinions only)

1) Beel (body mass helps), 2) Mammon (party king), 3) Asmodeus (huuuge history with mixed drinks. Boy is READY), 4) Lucifer, 5) Satan (neck and neck with Lucifer - casual drinker only. Even wine is rare for him), 6) Leviathan, 7) Belphie (usually sleeping instead of drinking). 

Lucifer:

We’ve seen little gags about how ‘Lucifer got drunk and unplugged the router’ so this guy’s either going to be super cuddly, a hot mess, or both

You know the people who fluff their hair, comb it back, undo a tie or some buttons and just get comfy as they drink? That’s Lucifer.

He’ll smile a bit more, laugh a bit more, and there will be some color to his cheeks

He’s not sloppy, just cozy. 

Drunk Lucifer is not overly loud but he is honest. He won’t throw himself into groups or pester all the brothers, but he’s up for some accidentally-heartwarming one-on-one

When he’s drunk he’ll lay his head on your shoulder and let you play with his hair

Will not win any drinking games. Is actually a lightweight compared to his brothers (see best > worst drinker, above).

Mammon:

GO BIG OR GO HOME! MAMMON’S HERE TO PLAY FOR BIG MONEY! (AKA: bragging rights that he can handle more than his brothers)

He and Asmo are quick to get the drinks flowing because they want to try shots of everything. 

He and Asmo are pretty good at matching brothers to drinks and tasting subtle notes, things like that

Show Mammon beer pong once and it’s done. He’s betting the brothers he can whoop them and is somehow able to pull off ping pong ball math to get Lucifer shit-faced real quick (might do it even faster if Belphie or Satan slip him some money)

The type to be like “Bet you I can hit that cup right there--third row, second from the left.” and can do it flawlessly. You have to give him head pats or $5, that’s the rules.

He’ll be one of the bros you have to chase around and make put his clothes back on. Boy will try to strip and strut

Will definitely hoard his favorite bottle (picked it on smell) and spend a majority of the time trying to drink it and avoid the bros. (”YOU CAN’T MAKE ME SHARE IF YOU CAN’T CATCH ME!”)

Leviathan

Not the best drinker. Not a frequent drinker at all.

His envy makes him drink because as he starts to go on a tangent about how ‘it’s not fair! Everyone’s having a good time!’ when he realizes it’s as easy as picking up a drink. Like...he can join in too.

Levi won’t grab himself an alcoholic drink because he’s a nervous over-thinker. Asmo or Mammon will just hand him a cup like the resident Liquor Fairy and he trusts their judgement

The first one to let his demon form out just because the liquor is a little warm in his belly and he feels like he’s flying? Also comfortable?

The excited drunk who goes on animated, slurred rants

The loud laugher

He’s honestly so adorably animated that anyone who knew him would be surprised? He seems far from a shut in

Trade off: he can’t hold his liquor well

Boy probably trips on his own tail or thinks something snagged his ankle to bring him down when, in fact, he just fell down

Sways when he sits

When he’s done, he just wants a nice comfy lap to lay in and maybe play with his hair. 

Like Lucifer, liquor will make him confess all his feelings. 

Watch out for the tail. It will be all over you when he starts to lose the ability to wrap it around himself.

Satan:

It’s a toss-up as to whether he gets drunk before Lucifer or vice versa. I’d like to think his tolerance is slightly higher since he might run in the same circles as Asmo, but he is a part of Lucifer so I’m sure it balances out

He’s a drink snob and this is what hurts him the most. He goes to fancy tastings and random things he’s invited to, but this is a drop in the bucket

He’s never gone hardcore before because he’s afraid he’ll be prone to anger

He’s not. He’s actually a lot like Levi. He just wants to smile and laugh and have fun.

The one who knows a lot of random/interesting stuff and has unexpectedly awesome party tricks

He and Asmo act as instigators and somehow con everyone else into getting drunk. It’s mostly because he wants blackmail material, but he enjoys the mind games

He’s the one you’re going to have to carry BUT he’s super chill when he’s having a good time. You want him to wear a lampshade? Okay, but only if you call him Enlightened One (get it?)

Makes bad jokes. Lucifer definitely laughs

The one that randomly dances with someone at the party. But it’s a fancy dance or slow dance, not something crazy

Will try to prove he’s not as drunk as he is by reading or reciting something and just breaks down into snorts and giggles

Cat Mode: Activated. He wants to be all over you. Hug him and play with his hair, please.

Asmo:

Asmo isn’t really different from his usual self.

He’s a little social butterfly, making his rounds and checking on people

He’s the silent, sneaky drunk. No one notices he’s drunk until his face starts getting red and his eyes get glassy

The quiet cuddler. Just progressively gets closer to you until he’s resting his head on your shoulder, hugging you from the side and asking you to give him his drink.

Would be the happiest person on the planet if you literally just held his drink up to his lips and let him drink it when he wanted to. You just love him so much?! You’re so thoughtful?! He wants to cry

Guilty party #2 for ‘chase him around and make him put his clothes back on’

Next in line for ‘Liquor makes me tell the truth and my darkest secrets’.

Will try any activity at the party and will dance at least once with everybody

If he gets in a fight, that’s because someone doesn’t respect what he put on the party playlist. He knows good music, okay?!

Has a personal goal to steal one drink from everyone, drink it before they realize, and hand them back the empty cup as he slips away. Something about it just amuses him.

Wants to leave lipstick/lip gloss kisses on people. Thinks they’re the cutest accessory!

The one who loses something at the party and makes everyone look for it the next day

The one who’s passed out in a random spot and no one has the heart to move them but everyone checks on them to make sure they’re safe. When everyone’s turned in for the night, he is safely moved like the precious baby he is.

Beel:

The one who takes the longest to get drunk. You don’t know if it’s because of his build or how much he ate to offset the alcohol

Unofficial baby sitter of the group. Pays special attention to everyone but Belphie, Asmo, and Levi in particular.

Not super loud. Just vibes and enjoys time with his family.

He’ll participate in the party activities because he does have that competitive streak but he’s not as invested in it as Mammon. If he wins at least once he’s proved his point and is on to something else

Surprsingly, #3 to ‘you might have to chase him and make him put his clothes on’. Drunk Beel is convinced he’ll get over the alcohol faster with less clothes because of temperature regulation and something that doesn’t really make sense because he’s slurring

Will drink more if Belphie is nearby or if he can hold onto Belphie. Taking care of Belphie and knowing he’s okay (in a tactile way) makes him a little more carefree. 

Doesn’t really confess like the other bros but he’s the one no one can really hear talking because his purr takes over everything. His purrs are so loud and deep! Big boy is truly happy

Drunk Beel is affectionate as ever and this is where you learn that demons can express affection by licking people. Most of the bros end up with a Simba-style mohawk. It’s just one lick but Beel’s got a long tongue and it fucks with hair real good.

Will jump in for a song or two if karaoke is a thing at the party. A really good singer but wouldn’t do it unless he had a decent amount of alcohol in him.

He’s the type to trip over stuff trying to help clean up. If he falls down he says he’s just ‘taking a break’ and will ‘help in a minute’. Might not get up again.

Once Beel lays down, Belphie, Satan, and Levi drunk crawl/stumble/slither over to him for warmth. This is how the cuddle pile starts.

When he lays down, if you get anywhere near him, he’s begging you to lay down with him. Wants to whisper little compliments and lovely things. A big sap. Handsy but will definitely know when to lay off and will listen if you get uncomfortable. 

Belphie:

Honestly, doesn’t really drink. He’s more interested in the nap.

His biggest motivation is to get the others drunk so everyone’s quiet and he can sleep. Definitely wants Lucifer blackmail.

He’ll have a few things but he prefers a lot of something mild versus a mix or a few shots of something super potent

Will try the funnel drink challenge.

The third enticer. He wants to work everyone up (Lucifer especially) and get the booze going.

Borrows off of Beel’s body mass and ability to handle alcohol here and there, but it all catches up with him eventually

The type to have really diluted drinks because he’s already sleepy by nature and doesn’t want to faceplant with a shot glass.

Will slow dance with Asmo. When Asmo starts to struggle with his weight as Belphie gets cozy and sleepy, Beel steps in and you just see the twins purring and warbling to each other as Beel just scoops him up and lets him sit on his hip like a toddler.

Another one who wants to slither into your lap and take all your attention.

The type to do random shit like boop your nose and giggle about it.

The one who doesn’t want anyone else to touch you. If he’s laying on you then the others need to leave you alone. It’s not hard to understand!

[theweirdymcweirderson]

Pretty - James B. Barnes & Steve Rogers

Author: theweirdymcweirderson

Characters: Reader, James B. Barnes, Steve Rogers

Relationships: Bucky Barnes×Reader×Steve Rogers

Word count: 2110 (these are getting longer and longer, sorry)

Summary: Sexy times with the Super Soldiers.

Warnings: 18+, Pet names, Daddy!Bucky, Captain!Steve (is this a thing?) explicit words, smut, teasing, Bucky Barnes’ fucking arm, chocking I guess, Dom!Bucky, Dom!Steve, so much dirty talk :), fingering, hints to unprotected intercourse, daddy kink (beware: this is my first time writing it), captain kink, sub!reader, masturbation, threesome. Let me know if you find more.

Notes: You may wonder what this is, the answer to that is, once again, I don’t know :). 

The gentle light from the candle flickers on the walls, creating soft shadows in the otherwise dark room. You can feel the silky fabric of the robe you’re wearing tickling your skin, caressing it with every twitch of your muscles. Your nerve endings are on fire, crackling on each movement, each lungful of air; your mouth feels dry and you swallow again for the 5th time in the last couple of seconds.

“Look at that. So fucking wet, darling.”

Teeth sinking in your bottom lip, you nod to Steve even though his words are not meant as a question; eyes begging him for something, anything. The way he’s looking at you, the sound of his voice - almost as wrecked as you feel - the words he normally chastises you for falling from his bitten lips, every single thing has more slick gathering between your thighs.

“You like this, don’t ya? Being watched as you fuck yourself?”

Bucky’s voice is darker, smugness dripping from the words because he already knows, but he loves the way you get flustered; the way you look away from his eyes in embarrassment.

His teasing elicits twin groans from you and the blonde sitting next to him. They’re both at the foot of the bed, shoulder to shoulder as they watch with rapt attention how your fingers press inside of your pussy.

Your legs are spread open, knees bent as you lean back on the pillows Bucky has lovingly set against the headboard. They love your eyes on them, get off on having you watch the way you affect them as you pleasure yourself. Steve’s hand moves to the prominent tent in his slacks, palms it for just a second as another guttural groan escapes his mouth at the wet sound of your lips accommodating your fingers.

“She looks good, doesn’t she, Stevie? Pretty pussy peeking through the lace?”

Steve brings his eyes to yours, watches as you plead with him for more. You can tell that if it was up to him alone, he’d already be balls deep inside you, but Bucky enjoys the teasing.

“Fuck yeah, she does. You know she does.”

His sky-blue eyes darken a little more as he turns to catch his best friend’s gaze. They stare at one another for a moment, and then Steve’s eyes glance to Bucky’s lips as they curve up in that grin that never fails to bring either of you to your knees.

A frustrated whine slips out of you when Bucky’s metal hand wraps around Steve’s throat. You feel the green-eyed monster rear up its head at the sight of the black contrasting so prettily against Steve’s flushed skin.

“Wanna fuck her, Stevie?”

“Taste her. She’s so wet, smells so fucking sweet.”

Yes, please. Another whimper, your hips buck up at the suggestions; either of them would be more than welcome since your fingers are not cutting it anymore. You feel Steve’s fingers caressing up your foot, but you know better than to move. You keep still, breath stuck in your lungs as his fingers wrap around your ankle. Bucky mirrors his actions and they jerk your legs apart a little more. You yelp in surprise at the sudden movement.

“Oh, she smells delicious, a’ight. And your face does look real fucking pretty framed by her legs.”

Steve’s hand goes back to palming his dick and Bucky chuckles allowing his eyes to follow the gesture. You would protest at the loss of contact if your own eyes weren’t greedily soaking up the erotic scene before them.

Bucky tsks, metal hand gliding up his friend’s neck to land on his cheek; fingers softly sinking into Steve’s stubbly skin while his thumb caresses his bottom lip.

“You want it bad, don’t ya?”

Steve barely nods, doesn't even need to because Bucky can read it all on his face. His tongue pokes out of his parted lips, tip grazing Bucky's thumb and it's the brunette's turn to bite back a groan.

“See whatcha did, dollface? Got Cap here all wound up for you.”

Bucky's silvery gaze finds yours, and you swallow again at the dryness in your mouth as all moisture keeps gathering south. He smiles at you, all soft and warm, and the complete opposite of his words and the dark promises in his eyes.

“What do you suggest we do about that, hum?”

Your eyes go back to Steve's form, wander over his body, from his chiselled face down to where his hand is still squeezing his cock. You wish you could undress them with your thoughts alone.

Before you can answer, Steve interrupts you.

“Keep fucking yourself, darling.”

Bucky kinks an eyebrow disapprovingly and you realise that sometime, as you lost yourself watching them interact, you’d stopped moving your fingers. Not that anyone can blame you; your boys are just too fucking pretty.

You resume your teasing, because that is all you can really do with your underwear still on, but Steve likes it. He likes to see your skin adorned by the lace as you touch yourself; that's the reason behind it overflowing your underwear drawer.

Eyes apologetic, you push and pull, turning your attention back to Bucky.

“Whatever you want, just...do something.”

Steve squeezes himself a little harder at your breathy voice, and switches hands so that he can bring his left one back on your leg. This time it rests a little higher, grasping at your calf as he eyes your body hungrily.

“Whatever we want? Oh, dollface, you sure you can take it all? Take us both?”

You nod, fingers quickening slightly when your mind starts conjuring up images of what Bucky's words might entail.

“Yeah? Gon let us have our way with ya?”

Bucky's voice is even deeper than before, getting huskier by the second and Steve moans at his words, unbuttoning his pants. Fucking finally.

“Yeah. Yes, Bucky, please.”

They move at the same time, shifting closer to your body and you can finally feel the heat radiating off of them. Steve's hand is now on your thigh, fingers moving along the inner muscle until it quivers with anticipation. He grins at you, all boyish and carefree with a barely concealed hint of mischief.

The black, hard metal of Bucky's hand makes contact with your tummy, forefinger tracing your navel as you marvel at the light reflecting off the gold decorating the arm. Your quick intake of breath pleases him and he leans closer until he’s face to face with your heating cheeks.

“What d’ya need, dollface, huh?”

Biting down on your bottom lip, you let the hand that was clenching the sheets move to find his, fingers wrapping around his wrist to urge him to speed up in his ascent towards your breasts.

“I want you to fuck me. Need it so bad, please.”

“Always so fucking polite, darling. So fucking pretty for us.”

Steve tugs on your wrist and your fingers easily slip from inside you; the panties’ elastic gently slapping back into place. Both yours and Bucky’s eyes are glued to the blonde as he brings your fingers to his mouth and sucks them in, eyes closing in delight when your juices reach his tastebuds.

Heavy breaths mingle in the otherwise silent room until he releases your fingers with a lewd pop, bringing your hand to his chest before letting go of your wrist. He moves then, settles between your parted thighs and that seems to be Bucky’s cue to focus his attention back on you.

“Want Cap’s cock, dollface? Want him to fuck you?”

‘Cap’, you know what that means and you moan your answer, a broken ‘yeah’ that has Steve hurriedly pushing his zipper down and rising to his knees to shove the pants out of the way. Humour is coating the brunette’s voice when he wraps his hand around your throat and a desperate whine slips past your glistening, bite-swollen lips.

“And what about me, huh?”

“Want you too; want both, please.”

Unable to stop yourself, you glance at Steve as he’s unbuttoning his shirt, gaping at the expanse of muscle being revealed and hoping for him to lose the boxers a little bit quicker. He smiles when he catches your eyes, discarding the material aside and grabbing his cock again.

“Gon let Daddy fuck that pretty, little mouth of yours, darling?”

Oh. Stunned into silence, you keep your eyes glued to him until Bucky’s fingers tighten around your neck, effectively diverting your attention; claiming it back as his own.

“Answer him, dollface, gonna let me fuck your mouth?”

“Yes, Captain. Wanna feel Daddy down my throat.”

Both men moan at your words, Steve shifting until his hips are bracketed by your thighs; his cock now free and resting on your panty-clad pussy. He rocks forwards once, creating such delicious friction on your clit that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Look at you, doll. You just wanna be a good girl for us, don't ya?”

“Uh huh. I'mma be a good girl, Daddy. I'll be your best girl.”

Steve ruts against you again, hands hot on your thighs, using the hold for leverage and pulling your body down as he surges up. Your thoughts scatter all over the place; mouth falling open on panted nonsense and pleas.

“Oh, we know you will. Now c'mon, darling, give me one before I fill this pretty pussy up.”

Groaning your understanding, you clench the sheets in one hand, bringing the other to Bucky's forearm for something sturdier to hold onto as his best friend keeps rocking you back and forth.

“You want that, doll? Want Cap to come inside that tight, little pussy of yours?”

“Oh God, yes! Want it so bad. Fuck, Captain, don't stop, please.”

He quickens his pace, his cock catching in your panties until Bucky reaches over and pulls them to the side, baring your pussy to his friend before bringing his hand back to your throat.

“You hear that, Stevie? Think we spoiled her too much.”

Steve grunts something that you can't quite make out, but Bucky seems to understand him just fine if his chuckle is any indication.

“Bet you want Daddy to fuck your pussy, too. Don’t you, doll? Cause one’s not enough for you anymore, is it?”

You hear rustling and open your eyes to see Bucky stroking himself through his jeans. Without waiting for his say so, you reach over and unsteadily unbutton and unzip them for him. He pulls his cock out and you take over again, thumb collecting the warm precome before you start stroking him as best as you can.

Steve leans over then, his skin hot as it barely grazes your rising chest on each intake of breath. They’re shoulder to shoulder again, Steve’s nuzzling your neck on the right, while Bucky is still upright, leaving room for you to work on his cock.

“Is that true, darling? You gon let Daddy fuck this pussy when I’m done with it? Let him use my come as lube? Is that what you want?”

A fresh wave of slick coats Steve’s cock after he husks the filthy words in your ear; his hand joining Bucky’s around your throat so that they’re both framing your neck.

You groan something intelligible because you’re too far gone; hips thrusting up knowing that you need just one more push and you’ll tumble over the edge. Bucky groans, his fingers twitch against your heated skin before he turns to face Steve.

“Fuck. That’s so fucking nasty, Stevie.”

“Shut up, you love it and, from the way she just flooded by dick, she does too.”

“I do. I do, please Captain. Would be so hot, to have you and Daddy filling me up, fucking my pussy ‘til I’m full and leaking on the sheets.”

You bring your unoccupied hand to the back of Steve’s head, keeping him close to you as his hips rut faster against your swollen clit. Bucky’s free hand wraps over yours and helps guide it as your body begins to turn to mush; all muscles slackening with the fast approach of your orgasm.

“Oh fuck! Fuck, I’m com-”

The words die on a silent scream when you convulse underneath Steve, feeling his left hand clutching your thigh while his body seizes up and a long, drawn out groan leaves his parted lips. Bucky fucks up one last time into your fists, and comes with a soft, almost inaudible moan that sears itself in your brain.

A beat passes, you’ve barely sucked in enough oxygen, before you feel the grips at your neck tightening again.

“Hands and knees, darling, c’mon.” 

More notes, cause why the heck not?: Please consider leaving me some feedback? Maybe? You don’t have to, but I’d appreciate it. Thank you for reading in any case :) 

As requested: Pretty 2

Find more here :) 

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 6

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: mainly fluffy, brief mentions of violence Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

(a/n: this was probably the most fun chapter for me to write so far it just came out so cute and sweet i think!! also super sorry all my energy has been focused on this fic i haven’t written many other one shots or anything i just really am getting into this story!)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

When you woke up the next day, something new was in the air. Everything felt lighter, a bit more relaxed. You actually felt refreshed for what seemed like the first time in your life. As dramatic as it sounds, it was unreal. 

You sat up in bed, taking in the morning without the dread. Sure, prior to your dream last night there were bits of chaos still lurking. You couldn’t ignore it and it certainly was not going to go away overnight but everything had shifted, and you could at least appreciate what lulled you to sleep. 

You sighed, almost looking off into a daydream like a lovestruck school girl. You had seen Bucky in such a normal fashion just sitting in his bed reading. You didn’t know when exactly the memory had been from but that didn’t matter. It was something without violence, it was a real look at him. He was so content as he focused on the book...

But you didn’t have the time to sit around pondering about your soulmate’s hobbies forever. You still had a life to get on with. 

Despite your body’s reluctance, you lugged yourself out of bed and started getting your work uniform together. There was a bit of pep in your step, a complete contrast to just a few weeks ago when you were pulling yourself around holding on to the last bit of will you had. It was insane what one meeting with a soulmate could do. Maybe you now understood everyone’s fuss over it.

You redid your hair and touched up your makeup before packing your bag for the day. Once your sneakers were on and you felt actually good (the most glorious feeling, you thought), you headed out your apartment door. 

As you were making your way down the stairs, you noticed someone was waiting by the building’s entrance. You rarely ever saw people around the space so the figure stunned you a bit. As you walked closer, though, you recognized that shoulder-length brown hair.

“Bucky?” You said, surprised, as you opened the lobby door. He turned around, greeting you with a warm smile.

“Good morning.” He spoke so casually as if he always stood outside your apartment waiting for you.

“Everything okay?” You asked, suddenly worried his presence here wasn’t as cheery as he was leading on.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, I just came to walk you to work if that’s okay.”

Your jaw dropped slightly. “Walk me to work? W-Why?”

Bucky shifted his stance slightly as if suddenly embarrassed. “Because I think that’s something that, uh… that…”

“Soulmates,” you said, finishing his sentence. Bucky looked relieved at that. “That’s something soulmates do?”

He chuckled at the little smirk you were giving him. Your heart felt so full at the thought of Bucky wanting to walk you to work, make sure you got there safe and everything. Maybe even check out the area where you spent most of your days. 

“You can say no, of course.”

You shook your head. “I’m flattered you want to walk me.”

At your acceptance, Bucky extended his elbow for you to take. You giggled as your hand wrapped around his arm and you two began on the route. You were too giddy to look back up at Bucky, even though you could feel him sneaking glances at you, so you turned your attention to his arm. Surprisingly, it was the metal one he had offered to you. While most of it was covered by the sweater he wore, his hand was still peaking out of the sleeve. You stared down at it, curiously, watching the light bounce off the material and listening to the little groans it made as his fingers moved every now and then. 

“It’s not going to hurt you,” Bucky said suddenly, making you jump. You quickly pulled your gaze away, opting instead to look up at him. Your heart sank at the tinge of worry behind his eyes. 

You shook your head as your cheeks warmed in embarrassment. “I didn’t think it would,” you confessed, honestly. “I just think it’s interesting.”

He hummed, unsure. “Interesting?”

A sudden uneasiness fell over you as you found yourself maybe crossing lines now. Sure, you had seen here and there in the nightmares what the arm had done, but you also could see that wasn’t what it was doing right now. Right now it wasn’t a weapon, a danger. It was a guide for you, physically bringing you a tad bit closer to your soulmate. 

“Well, yeah,” you shrugged. You had to choose your words carefully, you thought. “I don’t have to tell you this but it’s unlike anything else out there. It’s powerful. Seems very strong, as well. Probably… Probably has seen a lot but you extended it towards me showing you’re at least a little comfortable with it,” A pause. “I-I don’t think it defines you if that’s what you’re worried about, despite how it’s -- how you -- have been weaponized.”

Bucky didn’t respond at first, making your heart plummet. Had you actually burnt this entire thing down in less than twenty-four hours? You two fell into silent steps as you continued your path to work.

As you rounded a corner, just when you were about to spontaneously tell him it was okay if he never wanted to see you again, Bucky finally spoke up.

“Have you seen the things I’ve done?”

“I’ve read some articles-,”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You brought yourself to a stop on the sidewalk. Bucky halted beside you and shook off your grip. You frowned at the action but didn’t acknowledge it any further. 

“I don’t think it matters what I’ve seen,” you said, a bit of confidence finally mustered up in your tone. It was true, too. Over the past few hours, you hadn’t seen anything from the nightmares that aligned with the actual Bucky in front of you. “We can discuss this another time but I promise you, Bucky, I’m only focusing on what I see right now. Right now I see a man who voluntarily woke up at a ridiculous hour just so he could surprise me and walk me to work. It’s incredible.”

Bucky’s eyes were faintly glossing over, threatening to cry. You didn’t know what to do other than take his hand, intertwining your touch with his metal one. He accepted it, wordlessly. With a nod, you got back on your walking route to the shop. 

“Thank you, doll,” Bucky said just above a whisper. You nearly missed it. Your heart did somersaults as you registered the words.

You two fell into more silence until you decided you needed to lighten the mood. You weren’t letting him drop you off at work like this. 

“Now,” you said, clearing your throat as your own tears had just about formed, “how did you spend the rest of your night?”

Bucky shrugged. “Nothing crazy,” he sighed. “I did some reading before bed.”

“Hmm.” Your interest had been peaked. You thought back to the little dream you had last night, portraying a very studious Bucky. You figured that while it was recent, it wasn’t from last night (dreams rarely ever came through that quick), making you now curious of his reading choices. “Interesting. Wouldn’t have taken you for a reader. What’s the book about?”

He let out a breathy chuckle. “Some new science fiction series Steve picked up for me,” Bucky explained. “I’m not too far into it but I think it has something to do with time traveling.”

You nearly laughed. You thought back to how the nightmares you had been getting recently were all over the place as if you were on your own time-traveling journey -- only it was the cruelest way possible. Fate was such a character. 

“Is that the kind of books you prefer? Science fiction?”

Bucky nodded, “Guess I’ve always been interested in all that science stuff.”

That science stuff. You giggled. “I’ll keep that in mind,” you said. “I’ve fallen a bit out of reading but I’d love to get your recommendations one day.”

“I’m not exactly well versed in all the books out there.” Because he had missed so much -- there was always that unspoken fact in every other thing he said. You wished you could coax him out of that habit but that didn’t seem possible right now. I

“Well, good thing I’m not looking to know about all the books,” you smiled, looking up at him, “I’m just looking to know about your books. Whatever comes across your radar that you end up loving, I’d like to hear about it.”

Bucky returned the smile. “What did you do with the rest of your night?”

“Nothing really,” you shrugged, turning your focus back to the sidewalk ahead of you. “I fell asleep pretty much right after getting home.”

You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you. From the corner of your vision, you could see a bit of a frown on his lips. 

“You didn’t do anything?”

You shook your head.

“No hobbies or anything?”

You sighed. “I’m usually just too tired or too into work to do very much. Last night had been… Overwhelming for me, I think. When it was over, I was exhausted. All of me, body and mental.”

You felt Bucky’s thumb start rubbing soothing patterns on the back of your hand. Your breath caught a bit in your throat. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean for you to get overwhelmed.”

You began shaking your head profusely, “No, no, it’s not your fault, Bucky,” you insisted, “I psyched myself out a bit, I think.”

He let out a long sigh at that. “Well, you shouldn’t do that anymore,” he said, so sincerely. “I never want to bring you pain or worry, okay? That shouldn’t be what… we do.”

“We do?” You looked up at him but he had already turned away. “Oh, you mean what soulmates do.”

“The word still gets caught on the tip of my tongue.”

Your cheeks started feeling hot. “I understand.”

As the conversation faded, your coffee shop came into view. You two stopped outside it. Glancing in the window, you made eye contact with your coworker who had just begun setting up for the day. Her eyes got wide as she realized who the man was behind you. Her shock promptly morphed into excitement.

You turned back to Bucky. “Thank you for accompanying me.”

He flashed you a smile, making your heart just absolutely dissolve. “Of course,” he said. “Anyday, anytime. I’d be happy to accompany you anywhere.”

You were shamelessly full-on blushing, once again feeling like a ridiculous school girl. You had to avert your gaze as Bucky’s eyes on you were making you feel all sorts of things in these fluffy moments. 

With a pointless nod and no more words, you turned to face the coffee shop entrance. One hand on the handle, you stood there. Just holding it. You could hear Bucky walking away. 

Fuck it, you thought. 

You quickly turned back around and dashed to catch up with him. He was walking so leisurely as if he expected this. You called out his name and he whipped around promptly, looking as if he was fighting back another smile. 

“Here,” you said as you grabbed a napkin and pen from your bag and scribbled down your phone number. “It’s my number in case you want to, I don’t know, text me or call or something.” 

He took the napkin gently as if it was the most precious gem in the world seconds away from shattering. With a nod, Bucky responded, “Sure, doll. Thank you.”

You smiled, giving him a nod back. That wasn’t all, though. You had another caution to throw into the wind. Quickly, you placed your hand on Bucky’s shoulder and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. It was so fast you barely had time to register your own movement but Bucky definitely picked up on it. Now his face was the one with a tinge of warm color coming up on it.

“Have a good shift.” It was all Bucky seemed capable of saying as he shot you a wider smile, eyes softening at your nervous form. Before you could respond anymore, prolonging this weird but sweet goodbye for the day, he resumed his walk back. 

As feelings of all sorts washed over, you headed back to the coffee shop where you finally entered… And was greeted by your coworker standing in front of the entrance, arms crossed, staring you down.

“Good morning,” you said, avoiding eye contact and trying to get around her. She stepped in your path.

“Was that…” You nodded before she could finish the words. She broke out into a surprise fit of giggles. “You met him?” She asked in disbelief. 

You nodded. “Last night. We had dinner and he walked me home. It was very nice.” You kept it short and sweet, not feeling like gossiping about something so fresh. But you also secretly wanted to just throw everything out there. It was exciting, it was new. Overall, though, it felt great. 

Your coworker let out gasps, almost in awe. “That’s so exciting,” she said. “Is he, like, nice? Anything like-,”

You shook your head quickly, making her cut off her words. “He’s nothing like…” You didn’t want to say them anymore. Well, at least for right now. You knew a talk with Bucky about it all had to be coming but you want to push it aside for now. “He’s wonderful. A true gentleman. He showed up this morning to walk me to work. What man nowadays would do that?” You chuckled, almost in your own state of disbelief. “Plus, he’s kind of fascinating. Unexpected, even. Would you have guessed he’s a reader?”

You made your way farther into the shop, discarding your bag and throwing on an apron. You began wiping down the counters as your coworker followed. 

“He sounds almost… normal?”

You stopped your movement, taking in that observation. You finally nodded in agreement. Yeah, you guessed that so far he was kind of normal. At least, personality-wise. 

After a moment you said, “I think I’m glad I didn’t try to move on.”

Despite not looking at her, you knew your coworker wore another ridiculous, lovey smile. She was practically in awe and, you had to admit, you kind of were, too.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

taglist under construction right now, deepest apologies!

[fangirlovestuff]

Holding On - Andy Barber x reader

a/n - hey lovely people!! i’m so happy i’m kicking the new year off with the loml andy barber aka if ‘husband material’ was a human. this is my entry for the Merry Hoemas Challenge, hosted by the absolutely amazing @amythedvdhoarder​ @chrissquares​ @drabblewithfrannybarnes​ @pumpkin-and-pine​ and @starlightcrystalline. i know this is the last day, i’m sorry it’s so late but i hope you enjoy!<3

Summary: this year, christmas isn’t what it used to be. the story of you and andy through christmas, and the soft epilouge (angst with a happy ending because i’m mushy)

Prompts: sad memories of christmas past & new year countdown kiss

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: none that i’ve seen:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the first time in five years, you were spending Christmas alone.

Well, you weren't really alone. You were with your coworkers at a lame office holiday party. And you've done that before, but not without –

Point is, for the first time in five years, you were spending Christmas lonely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

five years ago

"So, what do you wanna do for Christmas?" you asked as Andy, your boyfriend of three months, sat down on the couch next to you. You were in the middle of a movie night, and he went to bring more popcorn, putting it halfway between your lap and his before wrapping his arm around you.

"Oh, I don't know. I haven't really… done Christmas in a while," he shrugged.

You gasped. "You can't just shrug something like that off! We have to do something big for Christmas now!" you exclaimed before reaching for your phone and typing away hastily.

"What are you doing?" he chuckled.

You just typed a number into your phone and dialed, and put your finger to your mouth shushing Andy. The person on the other side of the line picked up and you spoke.

"Hey, I was wondering what's the biggest Christmas tree you guys have available at the moment."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

four years ago

"Open it!" you said with a grin, waiting to see Andy's reaction to the gift you got him.

"Alright, alright, I'm opening it," he chuckled before tearing the wrapping paper, revealing a super fancy pen and a mug with the 'words cannot espresso how much you mean to me' printed on the side of it. Clutching the mug in his large hand, Andy let out a hearty laugh.

"Do you like it?" you grinned. You tried to be lighthearted, but honestly, Andy Barber was a difficult man to shop for. Your first Christmas together you could get away with the standard shirt or cologne, but now you wanted it to be a little more personal, and you hoped you'd succeeded.

"I love it," he smiled. Wrapping his arm around your shoulder, he brought you close and kissed your temple, prompting your grin to become larger, more sincere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

three years ago

"Are you sure you won't be back home in time?" you pouted.

"Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure, sweetheart," Andy sighed over the phone. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you said, "I know work is important. You'll just unwrap your presents a little later."

"The greatest present I could get is you," you heard the smile in his voice.

"Exactly," you smirked.

It took him a couple of seconds to realize what you were saying before chuckling. You had the mental image of him shaking his head slightly. You wished so bad he was here so you could actually see it.

"I'll see you soon honey, I gotta go," he said.

"See you soon, love you," you said, and he returned it before hanging up the phone.

That night you were tossing and turning in your bed, unable to sleep. It was Christmas eve, and Andy wasn't here, and the thought sent a pang of sadness through your chest.

Suddenly, you heard the sound of the house door opening. Shaking off your thoughts, you tensed up, reaching for your phone on the nightstand. You heard the sound of approaching footsteps, and you jumped up, ready to bolt to the bathroom and lock yourself in there before hearing a familiar deep voice call out your name.

"Andy?" you said, disbelieving, before truly registering the man in front of you. "Andy!" you laughed in relief as you came and hugged him tightly. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"I wanted to surprise you in the morning," he admitted a tad bashfully.

"Well, that was a surprise if I've ever seen one," you chuckled, "you nearly gave me a heart attack back there."

"I'm sorry," he grimaced.

"It's alright," you giggled, "you're home."

"Merry Christmas honey," he whispered as he buried his head into your neck.

"Merry Christmas Andy."'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

two years ago

"Honey, I'm home" Andy called out to you in an amused tone as he came in through the door.

"I'm in the kitchen," you called out, a grin on your face at his cheesy words.

You heard the shuffling of him taking off his shoes and hanging his coat before the padding of his footsteps, heading in your direction.

"Merry Christmas," he said as he entered the kitchen, immediately coming to wrap his arms around you and peek around your shoulder at the cookies you were making.

"It's not even Christmas eve yet," you laughed as you tilted your head back to kiss his cheek.

"A few hours don't really matter," he smiled and you scrunched up your nose just to make that smile turn into a hearty laugh.

You loved it when he laughed. You did your best to make him laugh as often as possible.

"Maybe you're right," you admitted with a smile. "Merry Christmas."

He opened his mouth expectantly, but you just tapped his chin with a smile, gesturing for him to close it. "These aren't ready yet." After a short pause you continued, "But of course, a few hours don't matter, right? If you want you can have some uncooked eggs right now, but I don't know if that's how I would wanna spend my Christmas," you smirked up at him.

"Touché," he chuckled before removing his arms from around your waist. "I'm gonna go get the decorations out of the attic so we can decorate, so just yell if you need anything, alright?"

"Yes sir," you mock saluted him and you both laughed softly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

one year ago

"We're stuck," you let Andy know as you plopped onto the bed with a sigh.

"They don't have any more flights?" Andy asked, his brows furrowed.

"They said all of the are canceled because of the storm," you buried your face into the pillow, which muffled your next words, "And they said to further contact them for financial compensation."

"I'm sorry sweetheart," you felt the bed dip next to you as Andy sat down and started rubbing your back.

"I'm sorry," you flipped so you were laying on your back, facing him, "I know we planned on having Christmas at home this year, and now we're gonna spend it in this hotel far away."

"I don't mind," he shook his head before leaning down to envelop you in a hug and pulled you back up with him. "You're my home. I don't need anything else."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

present

"Champagne?" your coworker offered you a glass full of the bright beverage.

"No, thank you," you shook your head. "You know what? I think I forgot something at my desk upstairs, I'm just gonna run up there real quick," you excused yourself.

At this point, you were contemplating just leaving altogether, but you knew that wouldn't be the polite thing to do. Besides, sitting at home thinking about how you haven't seen Andy in months would be way more depressing. It's boring here, but at least you were somewhat distracted from the memories plaguing your mind.

Instead, you actually went up to your office. You started rummaging through some papers, pretending to be working. Then, you thought about clearing out your drawers, if you were already here. No one would notice if you were gone for a little while longer.

You started taking out papers and sorting them, throwing some away. The pile was getting slimmer and slimmer, until you saw something that made your breath hitch.

It was a photo of you and Andy, on the beach from a year ago. You both had such happy smiles on your faces in the picture, and you couldn't help letting a stray tear escape your eye.

When you heard footsteps approaching, you quickly wiped the tear from your cheek, putting the photograph away before turning around in your chair, "Sorry, I'll be righ-"

"Hi."

In front of you was Andy. To a stranger, he would look in tip-top shape, his suit and tie neatly arranged. But you were able to see the frantic look in his eyes, the twitch of his jaw, the way he rubbed his hand on his beard.

"Andy? What's going on?" you got up and got closer to him, standing in front of him and tilting your head up slightly to meet his gaze.

"I… look, I know we left things badly, and I know this might be a bad time. But I just… I couldn't spend Christmas without you," his voice cracked slightly. "I don't even know if you're dating anyone else already, but I just… I miss you, so much. If I didn't say it I'd go crazy," he chuckled.

"I miss you too," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "And I'm not… seeing anyone else either."

"Then will you… give me another chance? I'm sorry for what I did, for what I said. I haven't stopped playing it over and over in my mind, and I just… if you'll have me, I'd like to fix things. I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't try."

"Okay," you nodded, "A chance. I can do that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

one year later

"Three… two… one… happy new year!" everyone yelled in unison and lifted their glasses in a toast. Andy smiled before pulling you in for a searing kiss, swaying slightly as your lips moved against each other.

"Happy new year Andy," you said against his lips when you parted.

"Happy new year sweetheart," he smiled.

You toasted your glasses against each other, and you smiled at the twinkle of the ring on your finger. It wasn't extremely new, it had been a few weeks already, but whenever you had it on it made you giddy.

It showed, among other things, that Andy wasn't going to give you up ever again. He told you that himself when he proposed.

And god knows you'd never give up the love of your life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i’d love to hear your thoughts🥺

Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored​ @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds​ @wintersoldierslut​ @iceebabies​  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree​ @kaitcordx25 @bequeening​ @steve-barry-damon-logan​ @itscrazycherryblossomcollection​ @hollandxmarvel​ @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland @jazbot2000 @anobscurename @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @peggycarter-steverogers @evansphnx12 @starlightcrystalline

if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3

[yesmooshoe]

6) (i) from the AU list for ironhusbands? 👀💖

You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you.

“Rhodey Rhodey Rhodey! I need help!” Tony cried out as he burst through the front door of their drafty apartment.

Rhodey’s head shot up to look at him, but he didn’t move from the nest he’d created on their couch. He was wrapped in several blankets with a few large stacks of books and notebooks surrounding him. Mid-Terms started next week, and he had a lot of material to get through.

As Tony stumbled over some of Rhodey’s books on his way into the living room, he finally noticed all of the shopping bags that Tony was carrying.

“Did you get a haircut?” Rhodey asked, seeing that his friend’s usually unkempt hair was freshly trimmed and styled.

“Yeah, and I got a bunch of new clothes. I have a date! An actual date! And all of my clothes are trash and I’ve got no idea what to wear so I went to the mall and just like bought everything that looked cool because I just really want her to think I’m cool.” Tony rambled as he dropped the bags to the floor and started tearing through them.

“Wait, hold up. You have a what?”

“A date!” Tony said with a big smile.

“With who?” Rhodey asked as he closed his book, realizing that this was going to be a thing. Tony didn’t date. If he wasn’t at the apartment he was either at class or in the robotics lab, and he didn’t really have any other friends.

Until this year, at least. Tony was 17 and finally the same age as some of his fellow classmates, so Rhodey had noticed him being a bit more social. Still, Rhodey felt very protective, and while he’d never admit it out loud, he kind of missed having Tony all to himself.

“Uh, Amy Lin? She’s a freshman! And she’s on the robotics team and she’s just super cool and smart and we were sitting outside today and she was like 'hey do you want to go out sometime?' and I was like 'what do you mean, we're already outside.' and then she laughed and was like 'no like...go out. On a date.' and I just felt like such an idiot and I didn't know what to say but eventually I managed to say yes I think and well now we're going on a date! And I have no idea what to wear, you gotta help me. Everything I own is ripped or has burn holes from welding or is covered in grease and who knows what else and I just want to look good."

Rhodey resisted the urge to tell him that he'd look good in a paper bag, and did his best to swallow his own jealousy before he started helping him look through the bags.

The crush on Tony was very new. 

Two years ago Tony had just been this quiet, nerdy kid who didn't know how to do his own laundry and was afraid of his own shadow. This year though? This year he was just different. Over the Summer he'd grown a few more inches, gotten his braces off, discovered contact lenses, and overall just came off as more mature and confident. Rhodey's jaw had literally dropped when he saw him for the first time at the beginning of the semester, and ever since then he'd been struggling with a lot of feelings.

"Uhh, ok. Well first of all, where are you going?" Rhodey asked as he pulled out item after item, which ranged from a leather jacket to a tuxedo, so he wasn't sure what the vibe was going to be.

"Bowling."

Rhodey just laughed. "You bought a brand new tuxedo to go bowling? Is that what you rich white people do?"

"I...I mean, I don't know. She mentioned maybe getting dinner at one point and I think I just panicked like what if she wanted to go somewhere fancy instead of bowling and all of a sudden and I just started grabbing everything I could possibly need." Tony explained, sounding a bit exasperated.

"Dude, take a deep breath. It's going to be ok."

"I know I just...I want to do everything right. I want her to like me, ya know?"

"She will! She already does. She asked you out, didn't she?"

"Yeah but...I don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm just not used to this. People liking me. I’ve always been so much younger than everyone at school and no one ever talked to me and I always just feel like I missed out on learning how to be a normal teenager. I don’t know how to date." Tony admitted, being way more candid about his feelings than Rhodey was used to.

"You don’t have to worry about that anymore. Just go out and have fun. Be yourself."

"I’m just afraid she’s going to see what a huge nerd I am and change her mind."

“You guys are on the robotics team. You’re both nerds. It’ll be fine.

“I just - 

“Tony.” Rhodey Interrupted. He hated when Tony got like this, and something in him just snapped. “Stop being so down on yourself. You’re funny and smart and sweet and you tell great stories and you’re so enthusiastic about your work and about learning new things so that you can change the world. You’re incredible. And I’m sorry that no one in your life has ever told you that before, but it’s all true and if she sees what I see then...then she’ll love you, ok?”

Tony was just staring at him like a deer in headlights, and Rhodey immediately knew that he’d said way too much. He just hated when Tony got like this, and he wanted him to just see how great he actually was. 

“Rhodey I…” Tony started, clearly unsure of what to say in response to that, and Rhodey’s stomach just dropped. Had he completely fucked this up? Had he made everything weird? There was nothing weird about telling your friend that you love him, right? Even if you did happen to have a huge crush on that friend? 

They were both silent for what felt like forever, though in reality it was only a few seconds.

“You’ll be fine. Anyway. So when is this date?”

Tony glanced down at his watch. “I’m supposed to meet her in 45 minutes.”

“Well, then we’d better get to work.” Rhodey said as he stood up and grabbed an armload of clothes.

They made quick work of it, just putting Tony in jeans, a red t-shirt, the leather jacket, and a fresh pair of Chuck Taylors. They were a little quiet at first, but soon they found their way back to the joking and teasing they were used to. As Tony stood in the hallway trying to fix his hair the way the lady at the hair salon had told him too, Rhodey just stood back and admired his work. There was nothing spectacular about the clothes, but they were new and clean and fit him well. And the leather jacket was driving Rhodey crazy. As he watched Tony from behind, he wanted nothing more than to grab him, pin him against the wall, and have his way with him.

There were a million reasons why he shouldn’t do that, especially since he was literally about to leave to go on a date with someone else. With a girl.

“How do I look?” Tony asked, spinning around and giving him a big smile.

“Great.” Rhodey replied simply, resisting the urge to say hot. He didn’t want to make anything else weird.

Tony seemed unsure, but looked at his watch again and took a deep breath. “Right. Well, I gotta go. Thank you. For everything. Don’t study too hard, all right?” He said with a little smile before taking one more look at himself in the mirror and then heading out.

Rhodey tried to focus on studying after that, but he just couldn’t. He was jealous, he was embarrassed, and most of all he was horny. He took care of the latter problem a few minutes after Tony left, but after that he just laid on his bed and started at a crack in the ceiling while a million thoughts raced through his head.

This crush on Tony was stupid. Tony obviously wasn’t gay, right? And being gay in the Air Force sounded like a not-so-great idea anyway, so Rhodey really had to work on resisting these crushes if he ever wanted the chance to fly. Still, he couldn’t get that image of Tony in the leather jacket out of his mind, nor could he get over how jealous he felt. 

He figured that the best way to get over it was to distract himself, so he got up, took a cold shower, ate some dinner, and settled in back on the couch to watch TV and wait for Tony to get home. Despite the jealousy, he wanted to hear about the date and how it went. He just wanted Tony to be happy, and if dating Amy made him happy, then he’d do his best to be enthusiastic about it. At least on the surface.

Not long after Rhodey settled on the couch Tony came home and immediately plopped down next to him.

“Hey, you’re home early. How’d it go?” Rhodey asked, genuinely shocked that he was home. It hadn’t even been two hours, and he was just glad that he hadn’t decided to jerk off again.

“Yeah, it was fine. I mean, I had fun. We bowled and had some pizza and then sketched up an idea on a napkin for a bowling robot that we might try to build next week.” Tony said as he stared at the floor while fidgeting around with his zipper. “And then like, we were in the arcade part. Playing pinball. And she kissed me.”

“Well hey! That’s good, right?”

“I don’t know. It was weird. I mean, I’ve never kissed anyone before so I’ve not got much to compare it too. But like, it was like kissing my sister. If I had a sister, I guess. I don’t know. Just didn’t do much for me.” Tony admitted quietly, and Rhodey had no idea how to respond to that. Luckily, Tony kept talking. “And then it was a little awkward and she said that she didn’t feel like bowling anymore so we turned in our shoes and then she said that she thought that maybe we should just be friends.”

“Oh. Well shit, that sucks man, I’m sorry. But this is only your first date, there are plenty of other girls out there! There’s even at least 1 more on the robotics team, right? I’m sure you’ll find someone that makes you feel that spark.” Rhodey said as he put his hand on Tony’s shoulder. He just didn’t want him getting too down on himself.

Tony just looked up at him and smiled, and it was a look that Rhodey would have to file away to use later. “Thanks. Yeah, it’s fine. She still wants to be friends, so that’s good. Friends are good. I’m gonna go change, ok?”

“Sure.”

Tony stood up to head to his room, but then stopped and hesitated for a moment.

“Tony? You all right?” Rhodey asked as Tony turned to look at him. He was quiet for a moment, like he was searching for what to say.

“Are you doing anything Friday night?” Tony finally asked.

“No.” Rhodey answered, confused.

“Do you - would you be interested in like - going out?”

“W-what?” Rhodey stuttered out as his heart started pounding. This wasn’t actually happening, was it?

“Go out? Like...on a date? I guess? Unless I read that whole situation earlier wrong.”

“I…” Rhodey just trailed off, completely taken by surprise by all of this. “Um. A date?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Uh...ok. Yeah. We can do that, if you’re sure.”

Tony nodded. “I’m sure. Been thinking about it all night.”

“Oh.”

“Ok, so. It’s a date, yeah? Dinner? Movie? I don’t know, that’s what people do, right?” Tony said as he shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets.

“We’ll figure something out.”

Tony nodded again and turned to head to his room.

“Hey, Tony?” Rhodey called out after him, causing Tony to stop and turn to him. “Whatever we do, promise me you’ll wear the leather jacket.” Rhodey said with a confident little smile, finally regaining a bit of composure.

A huge grin spread across Tony’s face, like he was finally relaxing too. “All right.”

Rhodey was terrified, but also so excited that he couldn’t imagine focusing on his notes anymore. After Tony disappeared Rhodey ran straight to his room and to his closet, desperately looking through all of his clothing. Nothing seemed good enough, so he figured he’d have to take a trip to the mall himself tomorrow. He wasn’t sure he could look as good as Tony did in the leather, but he could certainly try.

[ofallthingsnasty]

I think I'ma write smth for yandere dolphin mic (horny mf) and shark aizawa (two weenies), like I'm vibin with that and it's only fair to celebrate mermay that way!!! I'ma giving u a heads up, both for accountability purposes but also bc I thought you may like to know!!!

(Funny story tho? I'm going to school for marine biology, and we had a course for that in high school! Of course I hope in there real quick because it's legit one of the only classes that interested me then. Funny thing about poor southern American public schools; they're not well funded and teachers don't really care too much since their not paid in any way enough to deal with some of the stuff they did, and the kids did not make it any easier ppft!

So coolest thing about the marine bio course, we went up through the animal kingdom with dissections. The final one was lil dog sharks! And see, apparently of the whole class my group had the *only* female. We only found this out after another classmate passed us and was like, wow!!! No dick!!!

Of course we're like wtf? They show off, and consequently other groups do as well, all the other perserved sharks dicks are standing at attention. Now of course you take a group of 15/16 year olds and basically have no supervision, mannn kids were cutting the bricks off with the scalpels and lining them up, we honestly were having a fun time tbh?!

See very much science done that day 😂😂😂

But honestly I have so many fond memories of that class, and if was so funny like these sharks stank stank bc not only were they donated from another school, but they also have expiration dates? Now they weren't rotting or anything but the chemicals preserving them got a bit funky lol!!! Not to mention the scalpels we were using? Dull as hell, and sharks skin is made of the same material as teeth, so it was honestly a bit of a workout to saw through the skin???

But yeaaaa I wanted to share and I thought it might cheer you up a bit to imagine a buncha kids comparing cut off shark dicks for fun!) 💜💜💜 Grem

(also I really need to make that new account, I want to send cursed images, purely bc I'm a gremlin)

omg yeah of course I want to know hdsjhdsj 👀 horny mf + two dicks sounds like a hellish combination hehe Omg that story is a trip and a half - I’m in awe that they’d let you do that as kids lol!! But how cool that you’re going to school for that now - target audience reached hehe And I can’t- god those poor sharks 😂😭 Teenagers, istg tw. bodies mention under the readmore

Ah, our blades are just as shitty, lol 😂 When I did flaps on pig heads I had change those suckers every ten minutes - and I don’t even remember how many we used on our body donor when we skinned her- and with shark skin being super tough it’s a miracle you didn’t lose your mind. Nothing worse than a dull blade omg 💀 Thanks for the ask that sure as hell made me laugh 😂 what a way to begin MerMay omfg (omg yes please do, I’ll wait patiently (✿◡‿◡))

[leefi]

Starira MBTI III - Frontier

1. Seisho

2. Siegfeld

3. Frontier

4. Rinmeikan

Aruru Otsuki: ENFP

Just go and reread Karen’s entry.

FJDKSLDKL in all seriousness leaps and bounds of Ne from both of them. There’s a reason they often catch themselves saying the same things and why Karen sees so much of herself in Aruru. Not only are they both Ne doms, they’re the exact same type! Ne and Fi together hold that naturally sunny and joyful disposition they both have, and that extreme, passionate love for the people they’re close to. And her Ne may be even higher off the charts than Karen’s. From the entirety of Captain Twins, to improvising lines on stage with Misora as kids, to being the embodiment of Frontier’s free-spirit, pioneering nature - all of this is extroverted intuition, chasing at every possibility under the sun, no matter how absurd it may seem. Her STRONG tertiary Te -- which is much stronger than Karen's, by the way -- supports her dominant Ne, and this is where her gung-ho attitude comes from. “We have to write our own play?? No problem, wheel out the whiteboard! Nobody has an idea yet?? That’s fine, I’ll throw one out and get the ball rolling! Misora and I need three more people for our play? What are we waiting for, let’s go find them!!” All of this is tertiary extroverted Thinking, implementing your ideas out in the world.

Misora Kano: ISTP

She is so compelling!!! I wish we got to see more out of her!! She's already cultivated so many of her talents (and her function stack is pretty strong for such a young age too) - she'd really shine if you just gave her the spotlight! The second ISTP in this series who had her inferior Fe develop super early due to having 1) a ton of siblings and working with so many people from such a young age and 2) a gf with Fi in her dom/aux slot. I’m gonna start with her Fe again because, like Futaba’s, it’s so strong for how young she is - she is quicker to pay attention to social convention than Fi-aux Aruru, scolding her whenever she refers to older Karen by her first name, for example (don't let her see Aruru call Akira -chan). We see aux Se in how energetic and in the moment she is - she grew up acting and doing backstage work and helping her family with their troupe, and we never really see her stuck in her head or wondering about things that aren’t in the here-and-now. Her partnership with ENFJ Michiru to create a new Troupe is going to be SO SO GOOD in the future. They really are going to draw the best out of each other. As polar opposites, they have the exact same functions, just in reverse (like Karen and Junna, or Hikari and Ichie)! So Misora has Ti-Se-Ni-Fe, and Michiru has Fe-Ni-Se-Ti. It’s the perfect setup for them to complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

Honestly, I really wish we saw more out of Misora - she deserves more than just being Aruru’s sidekick, and that Feeling function in her inferior slot (extroverted, no less) means that it’s difficult for her to communicate what exactly it is that she wants, both for herself and from others. Like with Mahiru, it’s intuitively hard for her to speak up and say “Hey, I feel like I’m being left behind”. Somebody needs to tap Aruru on the shoulder and communicate that to her - Fe-dom Tsukasa, maybe, or ideally, Misora herself. I think that she’s been kind of shouldered into the straight-man role not just by Aruru but everyone at Frontier because they all have such big personalities (like...she’s got Aruru and Lalafin taking up space, which is already more than enough), and she’s likely been in this position before. She’s been helping her parents run a troupe since she was a child, and now she’s (unfortunately) playing second fiddle to Aruru for the most part at Frontier. She’s been mostly stuck using her Ti and Se, and I really really hope that AA has us seeing her use more of that tertiary Ni and advocating for the goals she has for herself. She deserves to shine so much!!

One final note - I find it so interesting that both ISTPs in this series have such strong senses of faith - Misora is cast as the Faith arcana (and, unlike some of the other girls who are cast as the “opposites” of their personalities, Misora’s seems true to hers), and Futaba obviously has that reverent faith in Kaoruko (and is canonically religious???). It’s a bit antithetical to the ISTP personality type, which values its individuality above all else and tends to be a bit of a rebel. I don’t have much to add here - it’s just an interesting observation.

Shizuha Kocho: INFJ

Lalafin: The Count was such a great actor! I’m sure he would’ve been great on stage too…

Shizuha: Heh heh, maybe!

Shizuha: But still, he never went back to his original persona even after his revenge. He had to stay as the count for the rest of his life.

Shizuha: And he was able to do that because he was good at becoming other people.

Shizuha: ...Although I cannot say if that meant he was happy.

Lalafin: Even after his revenge, he still wasn’t happy...That’s one point of view to make his sadness stand out even more!

Shizuha: Right?...Yes. I think I’ll stick to how I’m doing things now.

THE!! LOVE!! OF!! MY!! LIFE!!!!!!! I CANNOT OVERSTATE ENOUGH HOW MUCH I LOVE SHIZUHA KOCHO!!!! She was my first favorite character in the game (and still is!! But frontier gets no content :’)). As I said with Maya, INFJs are old souls - wise and idealistic, but typically reserved. Auxiliary extroverted Feeling shows up in how she suppresses herself so as not to intimidate or make others feel inferior - we see the exact same thing play out with INFJ sibling Koharu. She’s mysterious but amiable, kind and awe-inspiring - just like INFJ sibling Maya. And we see that token INFJ loneliness playing out with all three, as well. What I love most about Shizuha is that she’s a person of extremes. She is so cerebral and intelligent and dignified in a way that reminds you of Maya but she’s also so!!!! Fucked in the head!!!!! Ni doms baby!!!!!!! (I am fucking crazy. But i am free).

Unhealthy INFJs can develop this obsession with making themselves martyrs, and I don’t think I need to rehash out her AA conversation with Aruru (and her entire philosophy towards acting - see above quote) to get that across. I want to dive into this more. Truly I do. Shizuha deserves 10 pages of writing. But she is one of the last I'm writing and I've clicked through 3 different AA stories and accidentally found Rui and Yukko's first so I diverted and finished writing Yukko's entry and I've already spent so much time on this oh god the doc is already 18 pages single spaced uhhhh Shizuha my loveliest love I will write your character deep-dive later I prommy <333

(Also, seeing her synergy with Aruru is soo so cute. INFJ/ENFP supremacy!! Same dynamic as MayaKaren!)

Lalafin Nonomiya: ESFP

(Se dom).

She’s so athletic and energetic and in-the-moment and improvisational and quick on her feet (Se, Se, Se)! Fi over Ti aux because she has a much more subjective view of what’s “fun” - “what do I want to do? Where do I want to go? What kind of character do I want to play???". She’s got that trademark genki energy that so many ExFPs share, particularly that childlike zeal that she and ESFP sister Ichie both have. In her own way, Lalafin embodies Frontier’s pioneering, fun-loving spirit just as much as Aruru.

Tsukasa: Lupin is usually portrayed as mysterious and polished, no? But the way you perform him is more fresh and open -- almost like the main character from a children’s book.

Lalafin: Oh! Come to think of it, the book on Lupin I read when I was younger was written for kids!

Lalafin: It was about this big and had a realistic image of Lupin right on the cover!!

I don’t really have too much to add. She’s just a perfect embodiment of that excitable, fun-loving Se and Fi dom/aux duo. Childlike and simplistic-appearing at a first glance, but there's such a fire in there - just compare her to her ESFP twin Ichie!

Tsukasa Ebisu: ENFJ

I can see that use of Se - love of fashion, sweets, dancing, going out and enjoying life - yes, she had overprotective parents and could just be making up for lost time, but I think that nice material things are something she just genuinely enjoys for herself as well. So at first I thought ESFP, but we can’t ignore that enormously caring attitude she has for others and the way she gravitates towards caretaker roles, which indicates more Fe than Fi. So ENFJ it is! She has that Fe and Se, and we see that inferior Ti in how she struggled to realize something was wrong when she was trapped in the play. I love, love, loved her leading role in the Arise All You Sons event and how she and Yachiyo interacted to bring out the best in each other - we saw Yachi using a lot of that aux Ti to support Tsukasa’s inferior Ti and dominant Fe!

Her dominant Fe is SOOOO clear and contrasts to every other girl in Arise All You Sons. She’s the first to go “hey, wait, hold on - I’m not sure what (inferior Ti) but something about this feels artificial, and I don’t think it’s actually going to help the kids”. Inferior Ti/Dominant Fe speaks before thinking too - “Why did I say that?! Why did I do x?!” - it isn’t until aux Ti Yachiyo shows up to help her that she’s able to work through her thoughts. While she can get stuck in the rut of her own mind sometimes, Tsukasa is one of the most caring, empathetic, and mature characters in the series - and she does all this without sacrificing her own autonomy and individuality, which can be difficult for an Fe-dom to do.

[edwardslostalchemy]

I’ve been writing this modern au and I’ve fallen in love with it, so I wanted to share. This isn’t even part of the main story line, it’s just my head going in different directions, but it adds to the world building and lore I guess. 

Fakir is an English literature professor at his former university and he quickly developed a reputation of being a hardass and a tough grader with high expectations, but his classes aren’t impossible. The brave students that have gone to talk to him have discovered that he is actually not such a bad guy and he helped them understand the material better and they got a better picture of what he actually wants. He does care about his students, it’s just he has high standards and he knows they can do better if they dig a little deeper. 

One day, he brings his little sister, Uzura, to lecture. Their father, Charon, wasn’t able to pick her up from school because he was still busy at work. So Fakir, who had a chance, went to pick her up and brought her back with him. Students start to file into their seats, and they notice this little girl at the front of the lecture hall drawing on the board and she’s covering it with flowers and sparkles while Fakir is setting up his stuff on the computer. The little girl is hard at work drawing and then she talks. And she’s LOUD. Like ‘get your attention’ loud. And the students thought that, for some reason, Fakir would mind. But instead, he’s being a great guy about it. 

“Inside voice, Uzura,” he says before he goes to see what she wanted to show him. 

She apologizes but never drops her smile and steps aside so he can see the bottom part of the board decorated with her drawings. The students are listening with baited breaths. Does this little girl not fear anyone on this earth? Not even Fakir? Not even God himself? 

And what does Fakir do? He pats her head and compliments her work! Says the flowers could use a little more color over here, and Uzura immediately colors in the flowers. 

Fakir starts his lecture and introduces Uzura, and she waves at everyone. The students think she may be distracting and this class is already hard to follow at times, but it’s just for today. 

Uzura takes a seat on the swivel chair meant for professors, and is surprisingly quiet during the lecture Fakir gives, reading the book she had in her backpack to pass the time. Meanwhile, Fakir, who is giving his lecture, writes things on the board, but never erases Uzura’s drawings. And if he needed more space, he erases the first things he wrote. 

The students think it’s cute that he keeps Uzura’s art on the board. And it stays on the board for a few more lectures until some other professor erases it. (The students are actually kinda miffed about it, too.)

He brings Uzura to lecture a few more times during the semester. She’s in the lecture hall by herself one day (Fakir went out real quick to get something from his office), and as students walk in to take their seats, she waves at them, that same smile on her face. She talks to them, too, and the students start to feel a little more relaxed in that lecture hall. After lecture, she waves at them again, and the students feel a little more comfortable, wave back, and even tell her to come to class more often. 

“They like me, zura,” she smiles. 

Fakir ruffles her hair, messes it up a little bit. “Maybe you should teach the class.”

What really seals it for the students is when they walk in for class and they see Fakir is playing hangman with Uzura, and she’s squealing and clapping her hands because she’s guessing the word correctly. And Fakir? He’s chuckling. He’s amused. He’s still snarky, but he’s playful about it. And Uzura sasses him back. What is going on??? She’s a little kid, but she really isn’t afraid of anyone in this world, huh?

The students are confused, so so confused, because this professor who is known for being a jerk is entertaining his little sister. It’s a very sweet image. Later on, word gets out that the toughest professor has a soft spot, if only because his kid sister is there to make him soft. And hell if Fakir doesn’t hear about these rumors, too. He does. He hasn’t really cared about what’s been said about him, but if people are going to know that he can be nice, then it’s good that this involves Uzura. 

In this AU, Uzura is a little older. She’s around 12 or 13, so she’s still a kid and she’s adorable and sassy. Fakir is older, around 26 or 27, a bit young to be a professor, especially with a reputation, but I have had professors who were this young and they were pretty chill and pretty cool, and they themselves had reputations, too so wooo. With Fakir’s strong personality and resting bitch face, it’s hard to not be a little intimidated by him. But imagine this grumpy professor being super soft with his kid sister who is all smiles and rainbows. I think it’s cute when professors bring their kids to lecture, so I imagine Fakir would bring his sister at times, too. And because he’s a good big brother, he takes her to get nuggets afterwards. 

[prandstg]

Third Year of University

The third and final year of university was quite the handful. With Covid-19 forcing us all to stay at home we lacked many of the resources and had to make due with what we had at home. Originally this blog post was supposed to be on a personal website, but for reasons currently unknown to me, my website just doe snot work anymore, so here we are!

Advanced Project

One of our tasks we had to do is create an Advanced Project. Due to current circumstances. and the aforementioned lack of physical resources that were all at the university, I decided to recreate sound for a retro style game, since it did not directly involve creating music and/or sound by physical means. Furthermore, I decided to go with a video game instead of say, a music album, or an EP, or something like that, since my focus is on the video games industry.

So I set out to find a video game I would want to recreate the sound for. It took me a while to find something I would be content with. I ended up using “The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past” as my source material. So I began to acquire a video clip of this video game, and proceeded to create a list of all the sound effects I would need to recreate in order for this to work. Some sound effects that would work nicely I had already in my possession, saved to my hard drive in my sound library. Those are sound effects from a previous project with similar intent, giving me a nice head start already as I acquired a few sounds from that. 

Following that I then proceeded to create new sound effects. The digital audio workspace, or DAW for short, that I use is Ableton Live 10. Using the in-built synthesizer I set out to create new sound effects fitting a retro game from the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (or SNES for short) era. Whilst I had great success with some sound effects, I had troubles with others. Specifically, I had troubles with the sounds for the swinging of a sword, a door unlocking, and footsteps going up and down a flight of stairs. 

I was not sure how I would be able to circumvent these troubles, and therefor decided to review the methods I was using. After looking into other games. to be precise video games that have retro style, but are in fact modern era video games, I realized that due to lacking the knowledge and skill for the time being, to create such very specific sounds and effects, that I had to use a different approach. So, I ended up dropping my attempt at re-creating sound effects from the SNES era, and rather focus on the here and now. For the sound of the sword swinging I ended up using the sound of a knife sliding across a hard surface, and then manipulated the sound. I first lowered the pitch of the sound sample, and then proceeded to reduce the bit-depth, which more or less means reducing the quality of the sound itself, until it sounded like something that would in in a retro-style game of the modern era. I proceeded to do the very same for the footsteps going up and down a flight of stairs. In the case of the footsteps, I got my hands on a sample of a pair of boots walking on a stone surface, which I gave the same treatment as the sword. As for the sound of a door unlocking I acquired a sound effect of two pieces of metal banging and sliding against each other, once more giving it the same treatment as mentioned before. 

The only thing that was left to do was create music. I was unsure at first how I wanted to approach the music for the game. I wanted to give it my own style, but still at the same time I wanted to make it fit at least somewhat, so I did not want to make it too contemporary. What I ended up using in the end was simply three built in instruments from Ableton Live 10. The first was a drum rack, the second one a nasal voice that sinds “Aahs” and “Oohs”, and the third one being a brass ensemble. The way I made those all sound like they belong in a retro/retro-style game was by giving them all the same treatment as my sound effects previously mentioned. I decreased the bit-depth of each one of those virtual instruments, and I also used an equalizer to remove all the low-end, aka all the bass from the each of the instruments, since making the instruments lower quality they can drone quite a lot if there is base within them. 

Finally it was time to edit it all and that was quite the chore for multiple reasons. Firstly there were a lot of small sound effects very quickly one after another in quick succession, taking a long time to line all the sound effects up correctly for them to fit perfectly where they are supposed to be. Another issue was that for some reason some times the video would not load from certain spots so I had to scroll back far enough so that the video would play again so that I then could place the sounds where they belong. Overall it was a very arduous task to do, that proofed less difficult, but more so extremely tedious, but in the end I managed to do it.

It was quite some long and hard work, but in the end it paid off, as I got to see a full five minute video of my hard work, being able to admire what I did, and finding it to be a job well done. I look back at the work now, happy that I did it, and happy about the way I did it, enjoying the fact that such hard work made a final product that I like myself for once as well.

Research Project

Sticking with my theme of “The Legend of Zelda” I decided that for the research paper that we were supposed to create I would look into the aspect of how the original “The Legend of Zeda: Link’s Awakening” and the remake that was released in 2019 differ. To do so I decided that it would be first prudent to take a look at each game. I decided to first start off with a general overview of both games, having a bit of a closer look at the limitations of the original console the game was released on, namely the Game Boy. Having studied it a bit it turns out that the Game Boy has massive limitations especially in regard to music and sound, having only 4 different channels available at any given time, meaning the game boy can only produce 4 different sounds at the same time. 

Realizing that I had a closer look at the music that Link’s Awakening has, and realized that indeed it only ever has two “instruments” playing at the same. One giving rhythm and also doubling as the bass, and one that is the leading melody of each song. It turns out that most sound effects do not interrupt the music, but mostly each other, if too much is going on at once sound wise, then sounds will cut out, not so the music however except for a few examples which I found quite interesting. 

Another aspect I ended up looking into was nostalgia. I realized that nostalgia is another big aspect that I should look into when it comes to comparing two games that are the same. In essence I realized that nostalgia is an important feeling when looking at the remake of a game, especially a game that is originally as old as this one. After all there are around 18 years difference between the original game and the remake, leaving a huge gap between the two. And as somebody who played the original on their Game Boy Color all happy and excited, because it was just such an extremely magical and wonderful journey as a child. As such it was important to me on a personal level that the remake felt just as magical. 

Therefor I decided to do some research into the nostalgia, which turned out the be quite insightful, finding some interesting sources talking about different forms of nostalgia, something I had not even considered. Within was explained that there are different forms of nostalgia, created and experiences in different ways, depending on what kind of game it is. It ended up giving me a more detailed and clearer insight into what exactly is going on in regard to the nostalgia within the new version, the remake. of the game, and how it ties the two games together. 

I then proceeded to pick the two games apart in detail, especially when it comes to the sound design, having a specifically close look at the bosses and mini bosses within the games, as they offer the most characteristics of the game, being the most imposing but at the same time most unique beings, so much so that even with the limit sound capacity of the Game Boy, they all have their very own special sounds they make, giving a great opportunity to cross reference the two to have a closer look at how the new version of the game handles all of these things. In the end it felt like sound wise the remake was essentially taking the original game and using it as a foundation to build upon to make it something contemporary. 

This task was by far the hardest, having to do a ton of research and taking a deep dive into both games, taking in everything and then in detail write about it. It took a long time and a lot of effort and patience, but I am happy with the end result I achieved with it. 

Professional Practice

One of the main things I had to do for professional practice was to create a show reel/demo reel. At first I thought I would have to create a bunch of new mini projects to get something together for it, but I decided not to do so. Instead, I decided I would take all the projects from the past three years of university and compile them into a three minute video. I wanted to give a full and true image of th spectrum of things I am currently capable and incapable off, not only to be true to whomever is seeing it, but also to be true to myself, to have a reminder just what exactly my errors are, so I can work on them, so by the time I release my next demo/show reel, I can show off just how much I have improved, not just to others, but myself as well. 

Doing a 5-year plan right afterwards was a massive help in that regard, making me realize just what kind of goals I should aim for, giving me a nice step-by-step guide fully created by myself to have a view into the future what I could and should do to further myself. It was a fun and interesting task, opening my eyes to the possibilities. 

Lastly I had to do an assessment, not only explaining my demo reel in depth, but also forcing me to do some research into the current state of the games industry, which gave me quite a lot of insight into just how much the games industry has grown, and how much more important it has becoming, opening my eyes to how big the challenges ahead of me are, but also giving me confidence that I can do it if I just work hard on it. 

Overall, it has been extremely stressful with everything that has been going on, but I am also extremely grateful for having gotten the opportunity to go and study at a university, and given the opportunity to learn all the things I have.

[popculturebuffet]

Simpsons Review: Simpsons Comics #102 “Uncle Burn$” or Homercore Nudity!

Whelp out of all the commissions Kev has thrown me this one’s kind of a curveball. I mean it makes sense why cover it: It’s a pastiche of Donald Duck Comics done in the pages of the Simpsons long running comics. I cover duck stuff on here, and not only do I love the Simpsons but I tend to reference it for jokes a LOT. I just genuinely never thought of reviewing it till now, likely because earlier on in my new career of reviewing animated shows, I wasn’t really convinced I could do pure comedies. With my regular reviews of Darkwing Duck and as it comes out coverage of the Loud House (I still need to get around to Band Together), that’s no longer a real issue and I should consider doing the show in the future, especially since I have an unabashed love for the first 10 seasons and a few episodes beyond that. 

As you can tell, I love the Simpsons. While I do genuinely wish it would end and have no real intrest in the current seasons, though if you’d like me to take a look i’d be willing to. The show in it’s prime was funny, witty and each episode was crammed with jokes. And refreshingly for an adult cartoon show of it’s time,  the show genuinely wasn’t afraid to mix things up: Milhouse’s parents divorced and stayed that way for so long that them apparently getting back together decades later is itself a huge status quo shake up.  Lisa went Vegetarian which stuck thanks to sir paul mcartney, and then went Buddhist, both of which have never wavered since and both fit her well. Skinner and Krabbable started dating. Barney went sober for a few seasons. Apu got married. These are minor changes but the show does have things happen occasionally and doesn’t just snap everything back and it adds genuine tension to plots knowing they might stay the status quo They usually don’t but the occasional change gives things stakes. I could go on for days, but I couldn’t go on for 8 weeks, point is the Simpsons are awesome, and deserve the praise they get early on I just wish they’d stop as by this point people really have stopped carring and it’s time to pass the torch and Let Bob’s burgers be the wholesome family comedy that runs forever.. and even then that one should stop at 10 seasons. Or if not at least let the kids age dammit.  But that aside, while many of you simpsons fans looking at this probably have at least seen the comics, or a collection of them over the decades, many of you like me are wondering what the hell Bongo Comics is and how they managed to last so long. Bongo was founded by Simpsons Creator Matt Groening in 1993. Matt Groening had noticed that at the time there just weren’t any funny books on the shelves, funny books being comedy based comics primarily targeted for kids, with Archie and Disney being really the only ones left at the time. So he founded Bongo to rectify that, and given Fox naturally liked the sound of more merchandising dollars, the publisher was primarily used to produce simpsons comics, though looking at wikipedia there were one or two that weren’t including, of all things, a Coldplay comic tying into their album. Why did Coldplay publish a comic book at a primarily simpsons comic book company?

Though most series seem to be either short lived or one shots, there were a few exceptions: Naturally the company put out an annual Treehouse of Horror issue, there was a Bart Simpson ongoing focusing on him and the other kids of Springfield, I had a trade for that one once, and once Futurama premiered it too got a comic book that held through both cancelations. But standing above them all was Simpsons Comics, a 245 issue long runner that ran all the way up to the company’s closing, likely due to a combination of a lack of profits and the then upcoming Disney-Fox merger depriving them of the very heart and soul of the company. 

Naturally being a Simpsons fan I have a connection to these comics having gotten the trades out of the library multiple times as well as the collection of Bartman’s solo series, which was my favorite and I might cover some day. In addition to the Free Comic Book Day issues i also picked up scattered issues over my life since, much like Archie, Simpsons comics were a mainstay of bookstores and super markets and the decline of both comic markets is likely why the Simpsons comics started to peter out in the first place. The quality and memorability of the stories varied but they were a fun thing to have around and it’s sad to see them go, as well as see Disney not even make a remote attempt to bring them back or at the very least republish the vast library they now have access to. Also finally if your wondering yes, there indeed was a Simpsons/Futurama crossover. And no I have not read it.  So with that history, most of which I just learned some of which I already knew, in mind, it is very fitting the comic’s did a tribute to the Uncle Scrooge comics. Though it does feel very weird that I have yet to cover any Donald Duck or Scrooge comics.. yet i’ve already covered one of the Ducktales tie in comics and a Simpsons homage to it. I’m going to have to correct that but until then, join me under the cut as I dive into adventure with the Simpsons. 

This issue was written by Ian Boothby and drawn by John Delaney, I feel mentiong the writers and artists should be important in comic reviews and I kick myself for not having done that or gone into them as much before. Boothby was apparently the Ian Flynn of these comics, writing more simpsons comics than any other writer according to wikipedia and winning an Eisner for his work on the comic if sadly not this issue. He was nominated for an outstanding Canadian Writer award for it though so that’s good. Point is the guy is a decorated vetran of this series and it shows in how good this issue is and I felt he deserved some recognition as most Comic Book Readers, myself included up till now, likely weren’t aware he even existed nor took over the comic in the 2000′s. 

We open with Burns getting attacked by a mummy! Gotta say wasn’t expecting this as where we started out but the simpsons have started with wonkier premises to end up somewhere. I mean there was the time a bag boy strike ended up with them in Africa. Also i’d say Burns should call the police, being the kind of privileged white guy they actually care about protecting and all, but frankly the Springfield Cops don’t have the best track records with Mummies:

But no it’s just Smithers, who dove in heroically to save the company 15 dollars after Homer took a bet to see how many fire crackers he could jam in his computer’s disk drive. Lenny said 20 but he proved him wrong. And yes those are all actual jokes from the comic, this issue is very funny and feels very much like a Golden Age Simpsons episode. They also all gather to sign Smither’s cast.. which naturally is a legally binding contract.  Burns takes his loyal minion to get some quality medical care only to find an arcade because he traded the Medical Bay in for one during an outbreak of Pac Man Fever... again I really can’t top that and there may be a good reason why I haven’t covered the Simpsons till now. But yeah as Buns gives Smithers a roll of Pennies, he wonders who to have replace Smither’s on their annual summer treasure hunt.. which would come out of nowhere but we genuinely don’t know what they do most summers. I assumed Burns just road Smithers like a horse to play cricket while Smithers enjoyed it way too much. But a stray comment from Homer getting a Krusty Doll from a crane machine about being king of the treasure hunters leads to this. 

I mean it’s an easy joke but damn if it didn’t get a laugh out of me. So later at the old Simpsons place, because this comic is fantastic, Marge and Homer talk things over, but Homer insists Burns said he’d split the treasure, and Lisa wishes she could come along. And Marge says he should, especially for his own saftey.. and when Bart complains, says all the kids should go, she already packed their bags, she’s heading to Rancho Relaxo byyyyeeeeeee. Once again, this comic is amazing, and I would say this is out of character for Marge, but frankly that’s the whole point. Plus it really isn’t when she has to deal with 4 children on a regular basis, and her sisters, and a town gone mad.. yeah can’t blame her here. 

The next day at Burns Office, Homer is wearing his navy outfit.. or rather Donald’s Navy outfit. But given I did a quick google and found him having at least 4 different outfits during his time in the Naval Reserves, it’s not a stretch to assume the Simpsons Version of the Navy gave these out too. Seriously Ian Boothby has put more thought into continuity than most writers on the show proper. Also Simpsons Tide, season 9 episode, still very memorable and hilarious and not due to childhood nostalgia. Just looking up this bit had me laughing hard. 

I now  want to watch that episode sometime soon so thanks Kev. Anyway Homer seems to have misplaced his plants. Now I could spare you the image since I don’t do things panel by panel anymore and only use panels from a comic when relevant. Buttttt

This traumatizing of my audience brings me to a point about this issue and why it works. While there are tons of nods to the Donald Duck comics and what their homaging is very clear, the issue doesn’t REQUIRE you know them to enjoy it.  Knowing them I obviously enjoy it more, but most of the jokes aren’t reliant on you knowing anything about the barks comics and even someone with a passing knowledge of  the Original Ducktales can still get the reference if not why Donald is here. It helps this is less of a parody, with the exception of some jokes, and more of an homage, using stylistic elements of those comics while telling i’ts own story as a loving tribute to it’s predecessors. Speaking of one of those jokes poking fun at the source material, Burns is delighted Homer brought child labor, which kept me laughing for a good minute, and when the kids introduce themselves we get this bit. 

Not only am I 100% sure every version of Donald or Della did this to make sure they could tell them apart, very much including the reboot with Donald, but it’s a genuine hilarious bit. Donald’s response as they head off is “there’s somehting hooey Dewey and screwy about this. “ Also I will criticize the fact Bart isn’t the one wearing a blue outfit. For those wondering why, after all Maggie wears blue shouldn’t she get it, who haven’t seen this a LOT of merchandise early on had Bart in a blue shirt, due to early Merch being rushed out pre-show and since he wore one in some earlier concept art, he got to wear blue. He also wore it late into the 90′s. 

Sidebar: I just found this and while it isn’t a bad joke given his character it is  questionable to have a fourth grade boy tell you to buy him. Just saying. But the reason I bring it up is partly because the show itself referenced it at one point. 

As well as it’s sister show Futurama

And you remeber that Bart Simpson solo I mentioned? That one frequently, both in and out of story, had Blue Shirt bart show up for some variety. 

Also why yes each issue does have it’s own fun “Superman’s Pal Jimmy Oleson” Esque subtitle. And I love it so. Point is Blue Bart is part of the series legacy and this very comic company, so it’s VERY weird to not have that here. That being said there were  a few Green Shirt barts apparently as a printing error, so he could just as easily be 80 steps ahead of me. I just don’t know. 

Back at the plot Burns and the Simpsons show up at Frink’s lab, Frink rather obviously filling in for Gyro, with his own version of little bulb named F.L.O. who gladly shakes Lisa’s hand.. and releases a Pterodactyl but hey you can’t win em all. It’s a nice nod, though one only fans of the source matieral will really get, but the pterodactyl bit right after helps distract from it. Frink slotts into the roll well, as Frink has no reall affiliation with anyone and is basically, much like Gyro, there for various characters to go too when the story or joke needs him. Frink has two gadgets for them: Some Scuba suits that can go to any depth and a grappling claw that accidently gets him gripped to the pterodactyl. Also homer accidently switches suits with maggie, so we get an adorable shot of her serenely sleeping in a diving helmet while her daddy chokes to death. 

So the next day it’s out to the open seas where The Simpsons are doing all the work while Burns lounges.. which yeah this is a typical uncle scrooge adventure all right. While the man unlike Burns does work hard and do things for himself, he spent most voyages talking about the destination while putting all the hard work on Donald, in case you thought there was at least one universe where Donald isn’t miserable most of the time. Lisa wonders what he’s doing and we get this lovely bit. 

I just.. can’t stop finding that hilarious or a nice way to get the Uncle Scrooge bit in there while still fitting the Simpsons, and it at least explains what happened to Herb, whose been mentioned all of once in the 30 seasons since he last showed up. I checked. And yes for those unaware, which is fair, or who just now remembered Homer does indeed have a brother, one his dad had out of an affair who showed up twice, once with Homer unintentionally, and largely due to Herb’s own foolishness, ruining his life, the other time with Maggie helping him get back on top and him and Homer reconciling. He’s also voiced by comedic legend and your friend and mine, Danny Devito, whose still making us all laugh to this day and is a wonderful person from all accounts. Rock on Danny, here’s the only way I can think to honor you. 

But yeah it’s a good gag. Burns claims to be watching for a Giant Squid.. and turns out to be right. So it’s up to the simpsons to fight the giant squid, a sentence I genuinely didn’t expect.. I thought like the Griffins they’d just ignore it. 

I miss that show.. oh i’m aware Family Guy is still running but much like the Simpsons the show it USED to be is long gone. Anyways Bart tells a worried homer octopus suck out the innards and drink it first quipping “It’s not like you haven’t been drunk in the morning before homer. Homer chokes bart only for the squid to choke him which is easily the second best “Homer getting choked after Choking bart” gag i’ve seen.. the best being this one I found on youtube. 

Though personally my faviorite part of that whole bit is Bart’s proud “THAT’S BECAUSE I SOAKED HIM IN SLIME!” Anyways Lisa figures out a way to beat the squid, painting the likeness of each of them on it’s tentacles and letting the thing devour itself. Lisa lampshades it making no sense PHysics wise but with that she reluctantly accepts calling Mr. Burns, Uncle Burns and we’re off to our next location.  Next up is Mt. Donrosa, a very clear nod to Uncle Scrooge maestro Keno “Don” Rosa, an avid fan of Barks work who expanded on it and turned it into a solid continuity, most famously, and what got me into the ducks in the first place, with the epic “Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck” which I proudly own and.. well I did say watch this space didn’t I?  Enough hinting at the future as the Simpsons scale the mountain with Homer carrying burns up on a rickshaw. Burns however looses his lucky #1 penny, SUBTLE, and cuts Bart down to get it. We then get the best line of the issue:

Bart thankfully survives and we find out the Penny, much like Scrooge’s Dime is how Burns started his fortune.. for this issue and nowhere else but that’s standard for the Simpsons. Specifically loading it into a gun and threatning to kill Jasper’s grandfather with it during the gold rush, a nice twist. At the top of the mountain they find the fabled key of Strobl, which comes from the Taliaferro tribe.. more refrenes this time though I didn’t know them and had to google. Tony Strobl was an artist on the Duck Comics at one ponit  and Al Taliforino id forgotten about. He did the Donald Duck comic strip which I had heard of and weirdly hasn’t been collected yet despite Fantagraphics covering mickey, as well as reprinting barks and rosa’s respective works. 

The key is suspended in the air by what Lisa suspects to be magnetics, and while Burns plan is naturally “Have Bart swim in it and see if he surivives”, Bart, still pissed from the penny and not wanting to die today, grabs the Penny and uses his slingshot to fire it at the Key. The bad luck from the penny casues an erruption, but Bart once again saves the day and has them surf down, with naturally tons more great jokes.  The family enjoys some steamed Seafood, except Lisa whose eating Seaweed, while Homer enjoys a sting ray “It tastes as good as it stings, Ow, Ow.” ON to Goddfrodson Trench, an odd choice given Floyd Goddfrodson was barks equivalent for the Mickey Mouse Comics and not really a duck writer, but he still deserves the honor regardless.  Under the Sea, no accusations just friendly crustaceans here.. our heroes are close to the treasure but loose the map to the Jailbird Boys, aka Snake and his cousins, who found out due to Lisa’s blog. She didn’t want to loose any more readers to Sheri and Teri’s Olson Twin’s Fan Page.. which.. it’s 2004.. weren’t they dead by this point? Nope still alive? Still are today in fact? Alrighty then. Also this bit, and some of the other references are a bit heavy handed, I will admit that, but the jokes are high quality enough otherwise that it just comes off as a bit of an adorable wink more than laziness. 

Snake and co cut their air with Starfish used as throwing stars. 

The gang tie their air suplies to avoid dying, and Maggie, in a clever bit, talks with the starfish, since they communicate via sucking, to attack the Jailbird Boys. Again.. 

I genuinely don’t know, but our heroes find the fabled vault of Barks Billion.. named after Bark Barks, that polar bear from the sonic games.. no of course it’s named after Disney Duck God Carl Barks, who created the Duck’s share of Donald and Scrooge’s supporting cast: Uncle Scrooge himself, Daisy Duck, a fact I just learned but given he created her first short “Mr Duck Steps Out, shouldn’t of surprised me, The Beagle Boys, Magica DeSpell, Goldie O Gilt, Flintheart Glomgold, Gyro Gearloose, Gladstone Gander, The Junior Woodchucks as a whole, Neighbor Jones, John D. Rockerduck, The Number One Dime, Gus Goose, April, May, June and Whitewater Duck. Just the sheer impact he’s had on the comics on all continents cannot be overstated. He is also the one who refined Huey Dewey and Louie from hellraising little shits to the good little boys they are today.. well okay they were, thankfully the reboot has created much better versions. Point is what a man, what a man what a mighty good man, he is truly missed.  We get two great homer gags in the same page, one where somehow he’s put the giant key on a key ring and still can’t find it.. with Bart helpfully taking it from him, and then we get this, which I missed on my first read through. 

Naturally Burns betrays them, using a Gold Magnet, kay, to suck up all the gold and naturally planning to leave the Simpsons for dead to no one’s surprise. But thanks to Bart teaching Maggie how to use the spittoons, Homer gets one stuck on his head.. and starts getting sucked up with the Simpsons using them to escape. Naturally Lisa’s first instinct is obvious. 

But Burns weasels his way out by promising them free gold after their free lunch. Naturally the next day this turns out ot be a trick as their lunch came from frinks and thus, for now, their weightless.. but Karma gets Burns when he tries swimming in his new gold vault... only for the natural result of what happens when am an who never exercises and who doctors once described as having so many diseases packed into his body at once they tripped each other off and that a strong wind could kill him, trying to do with a similarly aged but still physically fit and well trained at swimming in money man does on a daily basis. 

We then close on a quick gag of weightless homer getting caught on fire and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts:  This was a really excellent comic. It captured the tone of the Simpsons at their best and while stiff in a place here or there, it’s mostly just really funny, entertaining and a nice and warm tribute to Donald and Scrooge’s long comics history, not really mocking it but instead just homaging it, while still throughly feeling like the Simpsons. It honestly feels like the Treehouse of Horor Segement on the shining, a bit that parodies something, but for the most part the jokes still feel firmly rooted in the simpsons and their cast. This was a treat to review and i’m glad Kev comissoned it and I may take a look at more Simpsons in the future. If you guys like this review, you can follow me on patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet, or if  there’s a specific simpsons or ducktales episode or a specific comic you want me to review, you can comission your own review for just five bucks. Just send me a direct message on here through Tumblr, or take a look at my ask box or submit. However you want to do it. I take payments through paypal and until next time: Happy Days are Here Again. 

[signofwolf]

Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas – book review

Series: Throne of Glass #7 Genre: YA, Fantasy Theme: Fae, magic users, war Warnings: mentions of torture, imprisonment Star rating: 0,5/10

Why did I pick this up?: I wanted to end this horrible series once and for all.

[Heavy spoilers ahead]

To make myself clear, before this book I quite liked this series. It wouldn’t place in my top 100 books, not even close, but it was a pleasant pageturner to listen to in audiobooks when working.

Language

Let’s start slow. I lack the words to express how much I hate the words ‘male’, ‘female’ and ‘mate’ after this series. Not even gonna try to express my trauma. But these 3 gems aside, Sarah J. Maas needs a dictionary. Or compress her work to a manageable size. Everything sang, Everyone melted, Every man roared, Every woman trembled, Everyone was unleashing themselves at least once a chapter (number of chapters: 122) ). And now I know definitely too much about Yrene’s ‘womb’. I know so much…

Dynamism

I thought that was a book about a war with heavy action content. Oh boy, I was wrong. This 984-pages monstrosity has maybe 5 pages of action. If you squint.

Every sequence, where by design action should take place was followed by one of two scripts:

Few sentences of action and then a few pages long internal monologue. Often repeated with the same character after the next few sentences of action, or with the next character and then the next (sometimes the first character made a second appearance and then everything would go all over again). And the word ‘character’ used in these sentences is not because I’m rambling. This book is written that way!

Few sentences of action and then action stops, and we are graced by a few pages long conversation. In the middle of a battle. Or spying. Or in Erawan’s chambers, when his castle is going down, and he is running up the stairs...

Time

Leaving alone the fact that apparently all series took less than a year (till this book I estimated the plot for about 3 years, Wiki told me it was 2, but Maas knows best), because that is a can of worms in itself. Time in this one? I honestly have no idea. There were many ‘few weeks of travel’ parts with two main groups of POVs. Personally my only time indicator was ‘Orynth won’t fall till Aelin gets here’. But nothing just fit. And I saw Lost Song when in the last episode we as the audience realized that our two POVs parallel storylines are in reality millennia apart. Lost Song made sense.

Emotional loading

… there wasn’t any. Really, it was like reading a milk label. Every time the scene was potentially emotionally impactful, Maas went ahead to overexplaining EVERY. GOD. DAMMED. THING. And it was abso-fucking-lutely everything. ‘Emotional dilemma? Let’s current POV explain it! 2 pages should be enough… Damn maybe it wasn’t enough. I know! I’ll switch POVs and explain it through the other character!’ <= My impression of Maas’ thought process. I’m fairly sure that the record was 7 POVs explaining the same thing in the row, but I was blacking out a little, so I cannot be sure.

And if that wasn’t enough, this book had a second way to defuse tension: random-plastic-repetitive-badly_written-smut. Really badly written and really repetitive. How could you not feel the spicy bits, when Manon (cruel, self assured 100+years old witch-queen) reacts the same in bed as Elide (20years old, virgin, ex-slave). And the rest of them were the same, there weren’t ANY distinctions.Just copy-paste.

The next point in current case: Someone died, it was impactful, I really liked the character, so I got sad. But then 2 of our characters came out of the room with a body, and after a paragraph of grieving they started making out, and then I was regaled with 2-pages-long description of melting cores. That was the place then this book stopped being badly written, and started being distasteful.

Characters

Remember when I was writing about switching POVs (which is 15(!!!) In the whole book. Oh and an omniscient narrator in places when our current POV was grieving too much to overthink something, but Maas still wanted to inform us about something)? They were all savagely murdered in the worst way: character mutilation. Somewhere between books our maybe-not-that-original but colorful and interesting characters became carbon copies of each other. I have no idea how many times I didn’t realise there was a POV switch. The only indicator was a change of pronoun, or when Maas was telling us the name of a current narrator. These were the only ways. And if you can't distinguish if you are in Dorian’s head or in Manon’s, that is the sign of a really BAD writing.

Romance

…there wasn't any. In all this book there wasn't any naturally progressing romantic scene. There were Maas’ endgame pairings which were sexing or pinning. As the author Maas loves to write about soulmates. And it’s not a bad thing itself. When I want some fluffy story I often tag ‘soulmates’ in AO3 and voila, +10 to good mood. But God above, it is not cute when every pair you write about are ‘true mates’ just BECAUSE. It is the only way Maas sees a relationship, as a fated pairing, written in the wake of the universe by the God himself. There is no choice, nor the work to put in it. They are the author's OTP and that means that they are perfect and they should have children right now. Point in case:

Guy was treating a girl like a shit on his sole, including throwing her naked out of tent, on a snow, with their friends present, all the while abusing her verbally in a worst way. But it’s okay, because when she almost died he realised his mistakes and apologised. Two scenes later, he was forgiven, because... fated mates?

The pathos

I know that many people don't like this type of scenes, but it's not my case. I’m reading by picturing images and not repeating words. I like sequences that I can imagine to be grand and glorious, even if they are a little corny. That said, the pathos scenes were the most disappointing ones for me. Maas likes to write parts that are more picturesquely exalted than logically possible [point in case: meeting of 5 armies/forces in the random patch of sand in Empire of Storms, and it being painted as ‘an Aelin’s great plan’. I laughed myself silly at that. But not taking logic and all the plot holes into consideration that was a nicely looking scene. In Kingdom of Ash that wasn’t the case. I would say that the author wanted to paint us a renaissance painting every 20 pages or so. In my opinion, every time she failed miserably. Each and every of those scenes was or to farfetched to be even remotely realistic, and evidently written only for a sake of the picture, or just plainly stupid.

Example, and it’s so priceless a scene, that I just need to share it: Battle of Orynth, 25th day or so (time in this book doesn’t exist), the 13. sacrificed themselves (like thousands before them but hush). And then, time stops: grieving Manon is going through the city, they open the gates for her (yes, the siege is still on), she goes to the place where they died, after her come out all of our main heroes, and half the city itself with ‘flowers, rocks and precious possessions’ and they lay it there in a tribute to these brave (evil till 2 months ago) witches. I honestly can’t remember when was the last time I saw such an abstract scene. It’s a material for an essay in itself. No, I could not take it seriously.

Additionally, it's hard to make an impact as every damn sentence is grand and lofty. In the end it became truly pathetic, Aelin vs Maeve was unreadable.

Character deaths:

Let's make a quick count: main characters in a series at the start of KoA: 12 secondary characters in a series at the start of KoA: 20ish minor and total background: a lot more

Death count: main: 0 secondary: 3 minor: 2 (11 if we try very hard)

Resurrections: 1 (possibly 3, but not gonna analyze it)

Did you feel emotions of this impossible war against this all-encompassing, all-powerful, invincible, immortal, cunning Evil with armies from 3 continents and 2 worlds? No? Me neither.

Oh well, but there were a lot of deaths of ordinary soldiers. I’m quite certain that all of Terrasen’s army was at least twice brought back to life for them to die in these numbers.

Logic or lack thereof

Oh, and let’s not forget about the Deus ex machina army of unbeatable, magical elves on wolves, from legends, living for the past thousands of years in the unreachable lands of the north, because they managed to run from the surprise attack 10 years earlier. Did I mention that they came from portals, which the whole book was telling us were impossible to make in this scenario? After the previous saviour army was already fighting there for a day? And that Aelin didn’t know they would come for sure (how did she contact them again?)? Even though they were waiting in the full armours for these portals? Ah, and also: that army didn’t do anything. They just came and fought for maybe 4 minutes. And there were just so many things like that!

And if we’re on the topic of armies I present you: ‘My favourite absurd-list in the series: allied armies’.

(As a comparison, in A Song of Ice and Fire by J.R.R Martin, in 7 kingdoms of Westeros, at the peak of war there were 7 forces present, but not all were even engaged in a war.)

First the ones that made sense:

Armies of Terrasen’s Lords (counted as one, not gonna nitpick)

The Khaganate army (also counted as one)

Galan Ashryver’s armada

Whitethorn fraction

Rebel Ironteeth witches

…should Dorian be counted as an ‘army’?

And there were some that did not:

Ansel of Briarcliff’s army

The Silent Assassins

Mycenians

Wild Men of the Fangs

Army of magical elves on wolves

And the ‘I don’t even know’ category:

Crochan witches

Overpowering and overreaching

Section title tells it all. The stakes were too high. I was honestly waiting for Aelin to become Super Saiyan and start to throw planets at Maeve and Erawan. I won’t spoil if this happened.

In my opinion it could be a really great series, if our list of villains ended with Arobynn and King of Adarlan, and the list of Aelin titles with an assassin and a princess. We could have had two main fight plots: one emotional with Arobynn, when Aelin would have to face a damage he had done to her, and overcome it. And the second one, with freeing Terrasen from Adarlan’s rule. That’s it. There was an asshole, power hungry king, who feared magic and wanted to rule the East part of a continent. A lot of plot, but not so much that we stopped to care, or didn’t have time to cover everything. We could really get to know what Terrasen and his people were like and not JUST GET TOLD that it was ‘the greatest place in the world’ every damn 20 pages.

Plus…should Dorian be counted as an ‘army’? It's a REALLY valid question.

Climaxes

IIf I have to write a list of things that disappointed me in this book, this review would be thrice its current size, but one of the worst grievances I have is the complete lack of acknowledging the plotlines that had been started. This book series has overall 4 372 pages (not counting novellas) and 12 main characters (still not gonna address this). All of them had their storylines and arcs but if they weren't tied up in the previous instalments they wouldn’t be in this one. I get it, Maeve and Erawan got beaten (in an extremely unsatisfactory way) but they were only a background in this series' plots.

Aelin Well, Aelin was one of 3 people (+2 paragraf-long insertion from Nesryn and Chaol) who got their own POV’s after the battle (second was technically Rowan, who was ‘Aelin’s POV outside of Aelin’.The third Dorian, who got almost a full two pages). And from this we got that: she got crowned, Aedion got his bond and that Maas have no idea how the city looks after weeks of siege. In her case what angered me the most was ‘Terrasen is my home’ subplot. Only in this tome we read at least 3 times that Aelin will be okay with dying, if only she gets to see Terrasen one last time, or if she get to die on Terrassen soil. But you know what? Maas forgot to write the scene where Aelin actually ‘comes in’.

Mannon Didn't get her own POV after the battle, but here’s what we’ve got: She is going to the Wastes with Croachans and Ironteeth. Whait. What? Yes, that was the ending of this 500+ years of feud. They fought together and they decided to unite their two species, completely forgetting more than half a millenia of slaughter. I can only hope that there were at least some talks behind the scenes… NO! F*** NO! This isn’t how it works!

Rowan, Dorian, Chaol, Yrene, Lysandra, Aedion, Lorcan, Elide, Nesryn, Sartaq Lived happily ever after

Secondary minor and total background characters Survived (I acknowledge that they would be ignored in most books’ epilogues, but this abomination is almost 1000 pages of nothing!!).

Good Scenes

That saying, this book actually had 4 good scenes:

Crochan witches go to war - gathering-forces-to-fight trope, which is my *love-always trope* so I’m not even sure if it was relatively good, or if I’m just a slut for this trope. It was still only a paragraph long though.

[recurring] The children’s tale Aelin repeated to herself to remember who she is.

‘Lorcan Lochan’ - the only marginally funny scene in the whole book

I actually found Darrel making Evangeline his heir charming. Even if circumstances were far-fetched at least.

But the words crime of this book? It was agonisingly, mind-numbingly boring. If the overexplaining and repetitions were to be taken out I highly doubt that there would be 300 pages left.

For these 33 hours of audiobook I suffered through I give it half a star. Because Abraxos exist.

Please see my garishly accurate cover on my instagram! You can also like it there :D

instagram | goodreads

[thevaultturtle]

NSFW Alphabet: Danse

And for the first installment of the NSFW alphabets. I’m sorry if the Favorite Positions section is a little funky, but Tumblr won’t allow images that would even remotely help with that anymore, so I did my best to describe everything. Need it even be said that there’s NSFW material under the cut? 

A: Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Danse gets super cuddly after sex. He wants to make his partner feel safe during what could be a very vulnerable time for them, so he tends to have them lay on him in some way, typically with their head on his chest while he wraps an arm around them and his hand gently strokes their back. This isn't purely for their sake, either. This extra bit of contact after such an intimate act also makes him feel more secure, in himself and in his relationship with his partner. It makes him feel like he truly belongs with them, and it helps to satisfy the protective urge that he constantly feels towards his partner.

B: Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner)

Danse loves his partner's eye. They're just so reflective of what his partner is feeling, whether that's in everyday life or during sex, and he'll never get tired of seeing the almost drunk, hazy look in his partner's eyes whenever he's doing a good job of making them feel good. Just thinking about that look can get him riled up and ready to go in seconds.

Since his Power Armor doesn't exactly count for this, Danse doesn't really have a favorite part of himself. He's never really given it much thought before, but if he absolutely had to choose, it'd probably be his chest, just because that's where he likes his partner to lay after sex.

C: Cum (Anything to do with cum)

He has got to have some of the most average cum that you could imagine, simply because he's a synth and his body was manufactured, and it's highly doubtful that the Institute cared to put too much variety in all the glands that make cum. The glands are probably completely uniform, churning out a very average amount of cum that has a very average consistency. As for where he prefers to come, he'd prefer to do it inside of his partner because he finds it to be more intimate, but if he has a female partner, he will ignore that preference for obvious reasons, at least until he finds out that he's a synth since that particular worry wouldn't apply anymore (as far as we know).

D: Dirty Secret

During Recon Squad Gladius' initial travel to the Commonwealth, Danse involuntarily ended up hearing several of his squad members 'taking care of themselves' at several times throughout the journey. It's to be expected when you're traveling in such close quarters with a squad that's mostly in its physical prime, and it's not like they weren't trying to be discrete about it, but Danse has been able to maintain some pretty damn good hearing throughout the years. It shouldn't have been much of a problem, a bit embarrassing, but that should have been it. Unfortunately, as will be discussed later, Danse has a bit of a thing for any sort of sexual noises, so this led to a bit of frustration for him, frustration that he was far too embarrassed to take care of. He was incredibly grateful for his Power Armor.

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

At some point after finding out that he was synth and that most of his memories were fabricated, it occurred to Danse that he didn't actually know when his sexual history began. He can't figure out where the fake memories end and the real ones begin, and it's a bit disconcerting for him. It can be assumed that all of the sexual encounters that he had while he was with the Brotherhood were real, so he has some experience that he actually experienced. He caught the eyes of quite a few of his fellow Brotherhood soldiers, and while he acted on a few of those interests, there were a whole lot more that he didn't act on, purely because he was so focused on his duties to the Brotherhood and training. So he has some experience, plus whatever 'experience' he had programmed into him.

F: Favorite Position

Danse favors intimate positions, particularly those that allow for a lot of eye contact, so positions like Gemini (where his partner is sitting on his lap, facing him while they hold onto each other, and both of them also have their legs extended while they both grind into each other) are right up his alley.

He also likes the Louis position for its similar setup (like Gemini, but he's in more of a kneeling position), plus it gives him plenty of opportunities to touch his partner and more leverage to fuck them with.

Missionary is also a safe bet for him, because it's versatile on its simplicity and it allows for plenty of eye contact.

He also really likes being ridden, and he prefers positions like Oasis (where his partner is on his lap again, facing him, kneeling with their knees on the outside of his hips while he sits with his legs outstretched) for this because it gives him close contact with his partner while they ride him, so he can put his hands and mouth to good use while they do that.

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Danse is definitely more serious during sex, as he is with just about everything else in life. While he can have some more casual bouts, overall, sex is a very intimate act for Danse, so he takes it very seriously, which doesn't allow for a lot of humor. He's not completely broody during sex or anything like that, so there will be plenty of smiles, just not a lot of outright laughter.

H: Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

The typical Wastelander probably doesn't care too much for personal grooming of this kind since every day is a fight for survival, but since the Brotherhood offers a good bit of protection to its people, they would probably have more time to put some effort into that grooming. Danse still probably wouldn't put that much time into it because he has better things to do, but he'd at least keep everything a little trimmed so it wasn't too bushy, and what he has is just as dark as what he has up top.

I: Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

It has been said here before and it'll be said again: sex is an incredibly intimate act for Danse. He sees it as the ultimate way to connect with his partner on what he could only describe as a spiritual level. It makes him feel closer to them and more bonded with them, and the hope of strengthening those bonds with them even further really drives Dance to please his partner that much more, to be more intimate with them. Sex with Danse outside of a relationship is great, but because of his want and need for intimacy and how fervently he pursues that through sex, sex with Danse while in a relationship with a partner that he loves is a damn near life-changing experience.

J: Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He thinks it's a waste of time overall, and that there are quite a few better ways for him to spend his rare free time, but...a man has his needs, and unless the Institute developed the greatest hormonal control in existence for its synths or they didn't give them any at all, then Danse has a lot of needs. He'll avoid it for as long as he can, but when he can't resist any longer, he'll make it a very quick affair, far, far away from any and all human life so nobody has a chance at catching him.

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He has a healthy bit of an authority kink. Will he take control over his partner and dominate them whenever they ask him to? Yes, but what really sends him reeling is the reverse of that scenario. There's just something so invigorating yet relieving about giving his partner that much control over him, about putting that much trust in them, and he finds an intimacy in it that others might not see.

Voyeurism in a very closed setting. He loves watching his partner pleasure themselves, seeing every way that their body responds to ecstasy in action and in sound. It drives him absolutely wild.

He also just loves it when his partner talks to him during sex, whether they're telling him what they want, that they love what he's doing to them, or they're telling him those sweet nothings that make his head spin. Something about their voice just does things to him.

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do)

It's kind of hard to have a favorite location for sex in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where you really just have to take what you can get location-wise, but overall, Danse prefers to have as much privacy as possible, in a place where his partner can be comfortable. If a private bedroom is available, fantastic, if not, he can make do.

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Gentleness and vulnerability. These may sound strange as turn-ons, but remember, Danse craves intimacy with his partner, and these are two very intimate things that will make him want that intimacy even more, typically through sex. And if his partner is showing him any type of gentleness after finding out he's a synth, this increases tenfold because it makes him feel like they accept him and it makes him feel human again.

Any sort of sexual movement or response. Danse pays a lot of attention to his partner, watching them and noticing every detail about them, and any subtle action that might indicate that they want him, or reminds him of a time when they were together, will get him going. This isn't just with his partner, though. Sexual sounds and actions in general just trigger something primal inside of him, which is what got him into trouble in his 'Dirty Secret'.

And if he tries to say that seeing his partner in Power Armor doesn't turn him on, he's lying. Any feat of strength or power from his partner will get his blood boiling for them in the best way.

N: NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He's not going to do anything while he's on the clock. He has a duty to see to and he will be completely focused on that. His needs can wait until his job is complete, while he's in the Brotherhood and afterwards, because he's a mission-oriented person regardless of where he is in life.

O: Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He has mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, he'd rather just get to the main event, but on the other hand, he really, really likes going down on his partner. He's all about making his partner feel good, and oral can be pretty handy in doing that, plus the way that their body reacts to it is just…exquisite, in his opinion. For his partner's pleasure, his oral skills are pretty damn good, and he's really enthusiastic in going about everything, too. He won't turn down a blowjob, but they aren't high on his priority list.

P: Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.)

Slow and sensual all the way because he wants to make every intimate moment with his partner last as long as possible. He'll turn things up a notch at his partners behest, but he'll always start off slow and gentle.

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

They aren't his thing. Since life is so unpredictable in the Wasteland and tomorrow is never guaranteed, though, he'll have one if he has to just to be with his partner, but he definitely prefer proper sex.

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He's far too cautious of a person for risks, and he's of the impression that life is already risky enough as it is. He’s definitely not fond of risking being caught in such a compromising situation, especially while his partner is in such a vulnerable state.

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Look, not only is Danse in freaking amazing shape, but he's also a synth, which just adds to his conditioning that much more. He has yet to find a limit on how many rounds he can go for because his partners tend to tap out before he can even get close to that point. His refractory period is also damn near nonexistent, so… Danse has some stamina, to say the least.

T: Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Do sex toys even still exist in the Fallout universe? Assuming that they do, Danse probably wouldn't be into them. They might even confuse him to some extent. Who would really need one with him, anyway, when he has that stamina and is so dedicated to his partner's pleasure?

U: Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If this is something that his partner wants, they'll have to mention it to him and then tell him exactly what it is that they want. He'll do it, but teasing is not something that he naturally thinks to do. He's too blunt and straightforward for it to be.

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He's not terribly loud, which is very purposeful on his part because he wants to hear every little sound that his partner makes, but he does let out these quiet, breathy grunts that are toe-curling on their own.

W: Wild Card (Random headcanon)

We've already established that gentleness is a surefire way to get Danse going, but for maximum effectiveness with that, his partner should hold him and go for the hair. They need to make him feel safe, wrapping their arms around him and letting him rest his head against their chest (so this would have to be while he was sitting or lying down because he's kind of a big guy). And then, once they run their fingers through his hair, gently scraping them against his scalp, they'll hear him let out a soft sigh. It is far from a sigh of relief, though. That feeling sent a shiver down his spine, and that shiver made his whole body tense with little crackles of ecstasy, so that sigh was more or less a light moan indicative of things to come.

X: X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

How does the Institute determine synth dick size? Do they throw some variety into the genes or are they all pretty much uniform? We'll assume there's variety, because Danse just had the essence of being thick. He's a little above average at about 5 ¾ inches erect (if you're going with the average of 5 ⅕ inches). Girth-wise, he's well above the average (which is about 4 ⅗ inches), coming in at nearly 6 inches while he's hard.

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He has a pretty decent sex drive just because he so desperately wants to be close to his partner, but really it’s completely dependent on them, because he can hold his urges back when he needs to, but he will also take any opportunity that he can to be close to them.

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Well, he doesn't really have a need to sleep because of what he is, and he doesn't really want to after sex, either. He'd rather stay up so he can watch over his partner, ensuring that they sleep peacefully, protecting them and holding them so he can feel them against him and remind himself that they're still with him.

[lokispettigerr]

Painting the Wind: Jotun!Loki x Female!Reader SMUT (NSFW)

Requested by @rougepetale. I killed three Bilgesnipe with one arrow though because I decided to follow out two more requests-- a Jotun!Loki fic and a dark fic. This is book material and I am proud. 

***It is Pet Tiger Tuesdays!!!! Get stoked!

Summary: Reader drives men, and women, wild with just her scent. One evening, she attends her friend’s art viewing at a studio. When Loki catches her scent she runs, spurred on by the dangerous lust that he radiates.

Word Count: 4096

Warning: Sex Pollen, Dom Loki, Non-Con

A/N: So, remember that Mushroom Muse Stew I posted about a while back? Maybe last week, well it pops up again here. **Not my image

Beauty, attraction, and irresistibility is a blessing and a curse. 

When I was younger, I was raised by monsters who injected their precious serum into my blood year after year after year. Each injection would make me the person I am today, the beast I have become. But do you ever wonder who the true monster is? The beast that was either born into its circumstances or forced into them, or the people or superhuman entity that made them the way they are.

As I look in the mirror now at my reflection I don’t look much a beast. I have doe eyes, bright and big. My lashes make shadows dance upon my cheeks. My lips are full and my skin glows inhumanly. I have womanly curves and hair that shines even on a cloudy day. 

If you want to know the truth, how I really feel about all this talk of monsters and beasts. I think that both parties are at fault. The people who raised me are at fault for sure for forcing this path upon me, but I too am at fault. You gasp? You are shocked? You don’t know me. There are times when I enjoy the way people are uncontrollably aroused towards me. I enjoy knowing that I am constantly in control because they would do anything to be with me, if even for a few moments. You see, there is a part of me that is very much like the monsters who raised me. I am greedy. I was never given love or affection and no matter how much I get now, even an infinite amount… It would never be enough. There is something in me insidious and wrong. 

I turned from my reflection just as my open hand turned to a fist wanting to smash the shiny glass into pieces. What good would that do me? 

I left the house, my heels clicking down the sidewalk outside of the apartment building. The wind was beginning to pick up and the sun kept passing behind giant, ominous looking clouds. I kept my head down shielding my eyes against the wind as my hair fanned out, causing a trail of pheromones to sway luxuriously out behind me. 

Everywhere I went I painted the tail of the wind with my intoxicating scent. Of course, this wasn’t always safe, but I had been trained by the monstrous, mad scientists that raised me. I was unbelievably strong and was meant to be a breeding *whore* to create super soldiers. 

I was an experiment gone wrong. All of my sisters were too. All of us failed. It was something I always found laughable. 

We were all deemed infertile. The pheromones they so ruthlessly injected us with made us alluring, but ironically it nuked our reproductive organs. No sweet bundle of baby joys would ever be a product of me, and in truth, I liked it better that way. I can imagine that with my background I would be a horrifying parent. 

I essentially was a super-soldier. I could practically strangle a man with my bare hands within moments. I could hit someone on their shoulder hard enough that their head would come clean off. When I was a kid, and not very strong I would walk past dandelions doing the same thing. Hitting them hard enough for the flower head to pop right off, all while I ran along wearing a white dress, bows in my hair musical laughter pouring from my lips. Innocence turned to corruption-- it has always been there. 

My text notification chirped and I pulled the phone out of my pocket with a quick glance at the screen. I was meeting Willow at her art showing tonight. I had promised and I was going to come through for her. Being around a group of people like that always made me antsy, all of them would be horny and wanting to grab at me being in close proximity but luckily, Willow mentioned there was an open bar. When I was able to get a little buzz, the anxiety from the surrounding horn dogs usually lessened and I could loosen up, even give them a little of what they wanted. 

I turned the corner and approached the art studio building, “Montross Art Studios” a golden wire looking sign read. It swayed back and forth in the wind as the breeze began to pick up. I could only hope that when I opened the door, the wind would not blow my scent within the art studio. In close quarters it moved slowly, but if the wind stirred the air it would be a scent spread like wildfire. 

I was lucky. The wind had stopped long enough for me to get inside the studio. The door creaked loudly on its hinges, but the studio was full of laughter and chatter, blues music playing over the speakers. 

I scanned the sea of faces looking for Willow’s dark bob and big brown eyes. She was around somewhere, I could sense it. I knew I would run into her eventually and my nerves were already jumping and on highwire so I decided to go to the bar and grab a drink. 

A handsome man stood up against the bar, his posture excuding cockyness and confidence-- of course, if I looked like him I would do the same thing. His hair was shockingly black and his eyes were bright green. He was leaning over the counter of the bar talking in an erotic purr at the bartender who would laugh intermittently while he took a clean wipe towel and rubbed different glasses, making them have a shine. 

He took a sip of a green drink and placed the cup on the bar to move a strand of his black hair behind his ear, exposing his sharp jawline. I was usually not nervous when approaching any sex, but this man at the counter made me feel uneasy. I weighed my options, continue to feel anxious and on edge throughout the art gathering or face one man for a few moments, order a drink, and feel the calm settle over my brain like a security blanket. The choice was easy, a few minutes of discomfort was much easier than discomfort the remainder of the night. 

I made sure to walk as smoothly as I could, so as not to stir the air. When I made it to the bar I kept my distance from the attractive man who oozed danger all about him. 

“Hi there,” I paused while I looked for the bartender's name tag, it read, “Joe?”. I giggled, “ You aren’t sure if Joe is your name?”

He shot me a shy smile back, “If I made a beautiful woman like you laugh then I have succeeded. For you, I’ll be whoever you want me to be. What’ll you have?”

“Just a martini please.” I glanced from the side of my eye at the dark-haired man standing beside me. I could feel his piercing gaze. “Joe, she was mistaken, she will have what I am having.”

I looked at him, wide-eyed, my eyebrows going up. Joe seemed confused, “She said she would like a marti--”

The man standing beside me cut him off, his eyes boring through Joe and into the wall, “Absinthe, Joe. Get the lady Absinthe.”

Joe’s face went blank and he immediately began to pour Absinthe. A chill went down my spine, I had never seen someone command something with such force. I quickly began to rethink the drink. Screw this, I could be uncomfortable the rest of the night. 

Once the bartender had finished preparing the Absinthe he lit the sugar cube on fire. I could not deny the color of the Absinthe combined with the bright burning flame was beautiful. I smiled to myself enraptured by the fire. For a moment I felt alone in the room, the fire holding my attention. It was so beautiful. 

“Your complexion is glowing.” The twilight satin voice brought my thoughts back to the current situation. 

I looked away from the flame, “Just a trick of the light, everyone looks captivating against the allure of firelight.”

The man was silent as he continued to watch me, his eyes half-lidded. 

“I think not,” he whispered, “you’re special…”

I feigned ignorance, after all he was just feeling the average effects of being too close to me. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” I wanted to take a sip of the absinthe, something to keep my mouth busy so I no longer felt the need to carry on this conversation. 

Just then, the door to the studio opened and a gust of wind blew in stirring the air around me, making my hair twirl along my back and shoulders. The flame above the absinthe blew out. Shit!

It was as if time stilled, the man beside me went rigid-- his body freezing, all except for his nostrils which flared dramatically, taking in my scent. His eyes fluttered closed and his head reclined slightly back. Strangely, blue lines were creeping up his neck, and his skin began to darken. 

My eyes searched the crowd, Did anyone else see this? 

His eyes shot open, burning and completely red, “What were you saying?” 

I had to get out! “Uh, gotta go!” I turned to leave, but his fingers quickly closed around my arm. “Not so fast,” he warned. He was strong, superhuman strong. I should have easily been able to break his hold on me but his grasp was like chains of solid iron. 

Just then Willow approached. The mysterious man released my arm, but not before Willow saw him holding it. 

“What’s going on here, Loki?” She asked, a concerned look on her face. 

I answered instead. “I’m so sorry Willow, I got a call. I’ll try to see if I can make it next time.” I ducked my head not wanting her to see the lie. 

Her face fell, disappointment covering it, “Well, okay, if you have to go, I understand.”

I began to walk away, towards the door, towards freedom, “I’ll call you!” I called out over my shoulder and the door slammed behind me. I never looked back to see what the man was doing or if he was watching me, but every fiber of me felt like it was the sugar cube still sitting on the absinthe, on fire, burning brightly-- a flame that would never extinguish. I knew he was watching me as I walked away. 

Usually, I don’t have this kind of reaction, but my body screamed at me to get away as fast as I could. It was as if my brain knew, from all the strength and training that I had, even I could not hold my own against the man in the art studio-- Loki was it? What an odd name. I shoved my arms, hurriedly into my cloak and quickly flipped up the hood. I carried around a thin cloak oftentimes, it helped keep my pheromones in one place and not billowing all about-- plus it looked kinda cool. 

With each step I took, my anxiety increased. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being followed. I sped up my pace only to hear what sounded like footsteps approaching at the same speed as my own. I glanced back, the wind tugging ruthlessly at my hood. No one was there. It was only me, the echo of my footsteps. I was alone and so close to home. I would be safe soon. 

My heart was racing and my blood was pumping, making a whooshing sound that filled my ears and pounded around my head. Every few moments I would glance back only to see an empty sidewalk and a few dried leaves skirt by, pushed on by the wind. 

Dusk had settled, not doing anything to help my nerves, and street lamps flickered to life. The harsh light pooled down at the sidewalk interrupting any chances I had at using my night vision. I would try to peer out past the bright lights towards the edge of the trees or across the sidewalk from where I loped, but all I could see were shadows with hunger in their eyes and saliva dripping from their teeth. None of it was real, my fear was making it all up. My imagination was running wild and I knew that as soon as I made it back home and my locks were in place everything would be right in the world. 

Wait… There, what was that? Footsteps not matching my own approaching from behind, my breath caught in my throat and I opened my mouth in case I needed all the air possible for a scream. I was so close, so close to home-- just around the corner and I could rush up the steps, past the lonely, naked lady fountain, past the gardenias making the night smell aromatic, past the garden bed, past the empty swing that often rocked back and forth in the cool night air as it creaked out a forlorn tune, all the way up seven steps to the threshold of my *home*.

I opened the old iron gate, tossing it shut behind me without ever looking back. My hood flew off in my hurry to get inside and I skipped up the steps taking two at a time. The keys were already in my hand and I forced them into the latch turning while I simultaneously twisted the knob. 

The smell of the sage I had burnt early trickled out. I inhaled deeply, the sigh that left my parted lips was one of triumph. I had made it. I shrugged out of my cloak, exposing the skin on my shoulders. I tossed the keys towards the stand near the door and they landed with a sharp clack. The house was dark, but it didn’t matter. I let the darkness of my home envelop me like a warm blanket. I teased my arm along the wall feeling towards the light switch, bracing myself for the moment the lights would come on when I heard a low rumble as someone across from me cleared their throat-- a growl from a hunter. 

Panic choked me, my eyes grew wide with fear and I could acutely see myself from somewhere else in the room. I stood, frozen with terror, unable to move.

“You’re wondering how I came to be here. How I knew this humble abode was yours.” Loki’s sultry voice purred at me from the shadows, just above a whisper. “The fountain out front is a nice touch.” He stalked towards me, the shadows sliding away from him to expose his predatory form. The blue tendrils that had begun to crawl up his skin in the art studio had taken full effect. His skin was now a deep blue hue with exotic markings and his eyes were a violent red. They glowed and cut through the darkness. Had he been bitten by some ghastly bug that had bestowed this monstrous, yet alluring form upon him?

Suddenly, my brain jump-started. I pushed away from the wall, running down the hallway and towards the kitchen. I needed a weapon! Anything. 

It was no use! Somehow the devil named, “Loki” was there-- it was as if he appeared from thin air. 

“There is no use in fighting it. You will soon tire, and I will not soon grow bored.” He glanced at me, his eyes glowing feverishly. 

I reached for a large knife, serrated and as long as my forearm. *This would do the trick*, I thought, right before it turned into a snake within my grasp. I yelped dropping it before running off again towards the dining room. Had something been slipped into my drink to make me have delusions?

I stopped, my back against the wall, my shoulder blades hurting. My chest rose and fell as I heaved. Loki walked, smooth as a water dancer, into the dining room. His chin was tilted down and a deranged smile was on his lips. He was beautiful-- there was no denying it. 

When he reached the rug under the table, I pushed off the wall, my palms lifting and shoving the solid oak table towards Loki. 

But with a simple wave of his hand, it stopped in thin air, never touching him. He moved his hand to the side as if swatting at a lazy fly and it smashed against the wall next to me. How? How was he doing this?

He laughed and I wanted to smile in response, I would do anything to hear that sultry laughter again. “You are clever. I like that about you,” he said as he moved towards me. I stayed against the wall. Clearly, running was useless. I clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes. 

“Ooo-- you plan to fight me then?” his eyes went up and down my body, lingering on my hips and my heaving, sweat glistening breasts. “How,” he paused a smile spreading to his face again, “...admirable.” 

He stopped inches from me and part of me wanted to reach out to touch the lines etched on his skin. Were they scars? Had they ever caused him pain? I bit my lip.

“I wouldn’t,” he warned, his voice causing goosebumps to race across my skin and my nipples to tighten. 

I lifted my hand, reeling it back to hit him with all of my strength. It would stun him, for sure. Anything I could do to get out of this situation. 

Too quick, and he saw it coming. My wrist hitting his hand made a loud smacking sound and Loki laughed as if he was amused by my animosity. 

“You are a feral thing aren’t you?”

I grunted, getting ready to slam my forehead against his. He managed to see that one too! His other hand went to my throat, his cool fingers closing around my windpipe. 

He was too strong-- it was incredible. His power was immense. 

Loki leaned towards me, his fingers sliding up my throat to push my jawline. I tried to withstand him, but at last, I submitted. I turned my head to the side and he slid his pointed nose up my neck, inhaling deeply. 

“I can’t possibly help myself,” Loki said aloud, though more to himself than to me. 

“Any reservations, my delightful pet?” he asked, polite as ever, as if he wasn’t holding me against my will. 

“Yes,” I spat, “Go fuck yourse--”.

Loki’s finger went to my lips, shushing me. “My, my, what a foul mouth you have.”

Stupidly, I opened my mouth, taking his finger between my teeth as I bit down. Loki didn’t flinch, instead, he chuckled and removed his now slick finger from my mouth. Though he was smiling, I could feel dark rage rolling from him in waves. “Watch me,” he commanded, and compelled, I couldn’t look away from him.  

His hand slid down to the hem of my dress, pushed past it and pulled gently at my thong, exposing my weeping, wet opening. His masterful fingers plunged within me forcefully, and I cried out in pleasure and in surprise. 

“Ohoho, you like that don’t you? You have wanted this since you first laid eyes on me. Haven’t you?” Loki asked. 

I looked away from him, not wanting to admit what I had in truth felt from the beginning. I wasn’t ready to admit it. 

“Answer me!” he growled as he curled his fingers within and without faster, his thumb rubbing around my aching clit in tight circles. 

The more he rubbed his finger pads upon the spongy tissue of my g-spot, the more I lost the ability to speak-- to form coherent thoughts. I moaned in response. 

“Very well, Pet. That is answer enough. I need to hear you speak for me again.”

*Speak for him again?* What did he mean by that? 

I leaned closer to him, drawing him towards me. My lips closed on his own, and my tongue pried at his lips, coaxing him to part them. He did as I bid, an unspoken communication taking place. And when he opened them I bit down, tasting his blood in my mouth-- it was cool and tasted of the darkest berries. Poisonous yet delicious. 

I had surprised him and a hiss escaped his lips as he pulled away from me. He had recovered quickly, regaining his composure. 

“Fool me once…” His strong arm closed around my waist, and I cried out. “You shouldn’t have done that, Pet.”

He threw me down, effortlessly and I hit the couch, the springs bouncing against my weight. 

He removed his clothes and his body met mine, his soul touched mine. His skin covered me like the waves of the sea that caress the sand of the beach. 

Loki pulled back from me, looking at me hungrily. His hand came up to graze at my breast. I could tell he wanted to slow down, to take all of me in, but something in him or the beast in me made him rush on. 

He pushed his way into me, and I whimpered, his length filling me entirely. 

I rolled my eyes back in my head as visions danced behind my eyelids. A lightning strike met a lone tree, igniting it, making it burn brilliantly. A fox took down a hare, killing it as its narrow jaws closed down around its neck. A herd of wild horses, free and unbroken, stirred the dry-packed earth of a desert-- their mouths open in a song that echoed throughout a canyon. A bird plummeting down, wind flowing through its outstretched wings, 10,000ft. down. 

Loki’s deep moan aroused me further. I opened my eyes to find his muscled form taken in the throes of ecstasy. For a moment, I wondered if he had seen what I had seen, but the thought was gone as quickly as it came. 

Loki’s body stilled as if he was trying to slow down and savor me, but my hips continued to move and buck. I grabbed his narrow hips, pushing and pulling at him, fascinated by the blue tint his skin had against mine. His hand grabbed at both of my wrists, bringing them up easily to rest in confinement above my head. 

“Fuck it,” he breathed raggedly and he sped up his pace, his fingers closing harshly around the bones in my wrist.

“I’m cumming, I’m cumming, oh.” Loki thrust into me, his cum pumping against the opening of my cervix.

In response to Loki’s words, my body came without warning and my back arched, legs shaking as I cried out, my walls clenching down around him. 

Loki’s breath was cool against my neck, a welcome sensation. He stilled above me before turning to lay beside me. I watched his every move, my eyes full of wonder.

“What?” he asked. 

“Nothing,” I replied, “Well, I guess I’m just surprised.”

Loki read my mind, “In the manner things played out? I must admit, I am surprised by this myself.”

I shook my head, “It’s normal. For you... Anyone else, really. I have a curse or an ability. When I was young I was forcibly given a serum that creates a pheromone that causes an irresistible attraction towards me.”

“I knew you were special, but even regardless of that, you are special because you were created for me.” He nodded, knowingly. 

I glanced at him, surprised, “How do you mean?”

“You saw my skin change to blue, my red eyes-- the lines upon my skin. I am part Jotun-- something I can explain more later. Without any control, my true mate will force me into Jotun form without my consent. Something that will not placate until my sexual needs and union with the mate is fulfilled.” 

I was speechless. I needed time to process this. 

After a few moments of silence, Loki muttered, “Mushrooms.”

“Huh?” 

“Mushroom stew. A writer friend of mine recently taught me how to make it.”

“Oh-- uh, cool,” I responded, confused and unimpressed.

“Are you hungry? I am completely famished. I’ll make it for us.” He looked at me, his green eyes shining like stars in the dark. It took me a moment to realize he was waiting for me to say something. 

 I smiled, it was evident he wanted things to work. “Sure, Loki, that sounds delicious.”

“Perfect.” He bent his neck, his face coming towards me and he placed a shy kiss on my lips. 

***** Hope you all enjoyed this and it made you slide to the edge of your seat! There is so much about this one I am proud of, and I cannot wait to hear your thoughts! Send me an ask or leave me a comment and like and reblog! It is the most helpful thing you can do. 

If you would like to be on the Taglist please send me an ASK.  Until next time,  Loki’s Pet Tiger