#take ur time with that if u wanna wait to see what happens w josh's thread

[cruelsxmmcr]

WHEN & WHERE: day thirty-one / night / post-recoupling / lounge area

Dylan hadn’t been prepared to see Naomi at that firepit and the way things went down, them spewing poison at each other in front of everyone didn’t sit well with him. He was angry and hurt at her, sure, the sight of her at that firepit has caused a whirlwind of emotions—both negative and positive, but the way they talked to each other was not right. He had no right to be upset seeing her coupled up, but it did upset him, because Dylan coming back single for her was an option he considered. He’s glad he didn’t and he maintains he made the right choice coming in with Adela and deciding to give them the fair shot they both deserve. He’d be fighting a losing battle. For the past few days, all he’s wanted was to talk to her, but now that it was time, a part of him wants to leave the chat till tomorrow, lest they are both too worked up tonight, but he doesn’t want to postpone this and it’s not fair for him, Naomi, or Adela to keep postponing. He’s almost positive the conversation won’t remain on neutral grounds, purely because Naomi’s fiery.

After this chat with Callie, he goes to find Naomi, hoping she’s not still talking to Josh, so when he finds her alone in the lounge area, he makes his way towards her. “I reckon we should talk, yeah?” he starts, his tone calm and firm yet a little pained and frustrated, too, clear on his eyes. His heart hurts looking at her, now that they’re not surrounded by other islanders and emotions aren’t running as high (still high enough, mind you), he can focus on her, on how she looks. Fuck, this is going to be so difficult. He wishes he could turn off his feelings for her with a simple snap of his fingers, but alas. “Whatever happened at the fire pit... this isn’t how we talk to each other.” If she wants an explosive, toxic fight, she has Josh for that. He doesn’t regret the things he said per se, he meant them, and they came from a position of hurt, but he doesn’t like the way they came out. Dylan’s not big on confrontation, and he anticipates this to go badly, for them to yell a bit, to expel that anger they both feel. Part of him wants to yell at her, just tell her how much she’s hurt him and how she made him out to be the biggest fool on this show and played with his heart like it didn’t mean much, but he maintains composure in an attempt to control the situation when he knows Naomi won’t be capable of that. || @heatwayve​​​​

[bubbyleh]

I See La Vie en Rose - Chapter 7

cw for mentions of past character death and limb loss (not explicit)

Chapter 7: Hitch a Ride

Tommy: Hey this is gonna sound weird but Tommy: Do you want to meet my nephew?

Darnold ♡: You have a nephew?

Tommy: Not like. Biologically. Tommy: You’ve met Gordon and Benrey! He’s their kid, his name is Joshua.

Darnold ♡: Oh! Darnold ♡: I didn’t realize they were together!

Tommy: Yeah, they have been for a while. Tommy: But, uh… Tommy: I can’t really get into it, but things have been tense lately? And it’s mainly centering around Gordon :( Tommy: Everything’s fine! But Tommy: I kinda wanna take Joshua out for a day, you know? Tommy: And I’m asking you to come with

Darnold ♡: Of course! Darnold ♡: I heard the museum has free admissions for kids tomorrow. Do you think that’s a good idea?

☆○☆○☆

Tommy: Benrey?

Benrey!!!: oh hey Benrey!!!: ur awake Benrey!!!: why

Tommy: Why are you awake? :(

Benrey!!!: cant sleep

Tommy: Is it Gordon?

Benrey!!!: yeah hes Benrey!!!: i dont know Benrey!!!: why are you texting me? u can come over?

Tommy: I’m kind of comfy in bed right now Tommy: And it’s late Tommy: And Tommy: Is it fair to say I don’t want to? :(

Benrey!!!: oh more than fair

Tommy: But I want to ask you something Tommy: I was talking with Darnold Tommy: NOTHING SPECIFIC! Tommy: Trust me. Tommy: But he suggested, and I agree, that we could maybe take Joshua to the museum tomorrow?

Benrey!!!: i dont know man Benrey!!!: i feel like feetman would yell at me if i let joshy head down now Benrey!!!: if he yells at all Benrey!!!: hes just been so quiet lately Benrey!!!: i hate this

Tommy: I really wish you’d talk to us, Benrey. Tommy: I hate to say it, but Tommy: Maybe we could have avoided this :(

Benrey!!!: … Benrey!!!: maybe

Tommy: I think getting out will do Joshua some good, though? Tommy: We can have a fun day! Tommy: It’s just that Tommy: All this stuff! Gordon not acting like himself! Whatever’s going on with you Tommy: He’s in the same house as that Tommy: So I think NOT being in the same house will help?

Benrey!!!: wait

Tommy: What?

Benrey!!!: gordon not Benrey!!!: i think u have a point Benrey!!!: about a few things Benrey!!!: yeah u can take joshy down tomorrow Benrey!!!: ill make sure gordon agrees just Benrey!!!: dont come back until i tell you okay? Benrey!!!: i think i can fix this

Tommy: Yeah?

Benrey!!!: yeah Benrey!!!: make sure joshy gets something at the gift shop Benrey!!!: get something for me too?

☆○☆○☆

The next day is overcast, but Tommy’s not sure that it’ll be rainy by the time they leave. Still, he has Joshua grab his jacket before they leave, just in case. Not that it’s actually possible for either of them to catch a cold, but getting soaked isn’t fun!

“Re-remember Joshua,” Tommy says as they approach the museum. “Darnold is a friend, but the- the rules still apply!”

Toomy feels Joshua nod into his back, which is a good enough response when you’re giving someone a piggyback ride. Joshua loves asking Tommy for piggyback rides, though it’s more a result of Tommy being the tallest than any special uncle privileges.

“Is, um,” Joshua asks. “Is this the guy my dad says is your special friend?”

Tommy holds back a laugh. With everything happening, he hasn’t actually gotten a chance to share his updated relationship status with everyone. “What are- what are your dads telling you?”

Joshua, being three years old, caves in immediately. “Um! They say that there’s a guy you really like, and you want to kiss him and marry him someday!”

“Marry!?” Tommy exclaims. “I mean, I-I like him and all, but marriage is a… it’s a little ways off right now.”

Pouting, Josh swings his legs. “But I wanna go to a wedding! I wanna go to a party after a wedding!”

“Weddings are mostly boring, actually. I was- I was at your dads’.” Tommy says. “Hey, climb on my shoulders. Try to- to find Darnold for me.”

While Joshua does comply, he complains as he crawls up. “I don’t know what he looks like!”

Tommy sighs, unlocking his phone and handing it up to Joshua. “Look through the gallery, he’s- he’s in there.”

There’s a moment of silence and Joshua navigates through Tommy’s phone. “Woah!” he shouts. “Why do you have so many pictures of him?!”

“He’s my boyfriend, I- I like having pictures of him,” Tommy explains. Joshua blows a raspberry down at him.

A hand tugs as Tommy’s sleeve from behind, and after turning his head, there’s Darnold. “Hey-” he starts, but is cut off when Tommy places a finger over his own lips.

“Do you, uh… do you see anything u-up there?” Tommy asks, and though he’s speaking to Joshua, he’s looking right at Darnold.

Joshua sighs. “Uncle Tommy, I don’t think he’s here.” He presses his face into Tommy’s propeller cap. “I guess we just have to go into the museum without him.”

“Oh, but I really- I really like him!” Tommy pretends to whine, and Darnold covers his smile with a hand. “Try looking a little bit lower? He’s kinda short.”

That earns him a jab from Darnold’s elbow, which he wasn’t exactly undeserving of. However, Joshua feels the jolt, and their little game is done.

“L-look Josh! There he is!” Tommy acts surprised. He lifts Josh off his shoulders and places him on the ground.

“Hey there, Joshua!” Darnold finally gets to greet them. “I’m Darnold. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” He offers his hand mostly as a joke, but Joshua does end up taking it and giving his best attempt at a handshake, albeit appearing confused the whole time.

“Hi,” Joshua manages. “Uh. I don’t really hear about you.”

“No?” Darnold chokes back a laugh. “Does, uh… does Tommy not talk about me?”

Joshua shakes his head. “No, he talks about you with the grownups. We talk about dogs! And cowboys!”

“Dogs and cowboys?” Darnold looks up at Tommy, smirking.

“He’s three,” Tommy defends himself. “There’s not a lot of- of topics to cover.”

☆○☆○☆

After paying their admission (Tommy insisted on paying for Darnold’s, after all, being a god allows one access to a healthy sum of money), Tommy swipes a pamphlet and begins to look through the museum’s different exhibits. They’re stopped for a moment, because Joshua’s shoe was untied and he wanted to show Darnold that he learned how to tie it last week, but his hands are so small and it is so difficult. Anatomy, no. Dinosaurs, definitely. He judges them, one by one, until a specific exhibit catches his eye.

“Hey Joshua, my- I lost the ability to read.” Tommy places the pamphlet in front of him and points to a specific line. “Can you tell me what that says?”

Forgetting about his shoe, Joshua squints at the paper. Ugh, he might be taking after Gordon in the eyesight department. How are you supposed to get a child god with no actual birth certificate prescription glasses?

“T… th… the w…” Joshua sounds out. “The wil...d… we… st? The wild west?” His eyes light up immediately. “Cowboys!? They have cowboys!?”

“A cowboy exhibit?” Darnold leans over to check out the pamphlet. “Huh, would you look at that.”

“Are we- are we heading there first?” Tommy addresses the other two.

“Yeah!” Joshua throws his arms in the air and jumps off the bench. He takes off in a random direction. “Cowboys! Cowboys! Cowb-”

“Wait, Joshua! Your shoelace!”

Smack!

☆○☆○☆

The moment they step into the Wild West exhibit, Joshua stops sniffling and rubbing his red cheek, instead excitedly wiggling out of Tommy’s arms, marvelling at the presentations around him as if it were a candy store. Realizing that he’ll be

murdered

if he doesn’t capture this moment, Tommy pulls out his phone.

“So,” Darnold asks. “What’s with the cowboy thing?”

Tommy chuckles. “It was- Benrey showed him Toy Story 2, as a joke. He- he really liked it, kinda went from there.”

“Not Toy Story 1?”

“Joshua has never seen Toy Story 1.” Tommy snaps a few photos of Josh, making a mental note to send them to everyone later.

Tommy and Darnold end up mostly dragged along by Joshua, who constantly runs ahead and then doubles back to get them to read a placard for him. Josh seems to take a liking to Darnold, which Tommy is thrilled to see. Occasionally, Tommy will reach to hold hands with Darnold, only to find that Joshua has beaten him to it.

If it wasn’t so cute, Tommy would be a little angry.

“Look! Look!” Joshua shouts and points. “Real cowboys! Real pictures of real cowboys!”

“Heh,” Darnold remarks, nodding towards one of the black and white photos. “That one kind of looks like your dad, Joshy.”

Tommy is frozen.

Joshua grabs onto Darnold’s shirt. “Lift me! I wanna see!” Darnold complies, and when he lays eyes on the portrait, Joshua gasps. “That- that looks just like Daddy!”

The man in the photograph has the same chin, the same cheeks, same nose. But he’s so different too. His hair isn’t pulled back into a ponytail, but rather falls down around his shoulders. One of his hands isn’t ghostly and transparent, instead something flesh and whole. He’s smiling, and Tommy can’t remember the last time he saw that smile genuinely.

“Let’s see here.” Darnold reads the plaque underneath. “The Free Man, date unknown. The Free Man spent his days hunting down violent offenders in the west for private individuals. He disappeared, and his fate remains unknown.”

Not unknown. Tommy gulps.

That doesn’t just look like Gordon. That is Gordon.

It’s easy to forget. Gordon’s been around for two and a half centuries at this point, and Tommy didn’t know him before that. He doesn’t know the man in the photograph, who let his hair down and laughed and still had two hands. Who lived and had a beating heart. Who was betrayed and killed in a cave in the desert.

Tommy doesn’t like to think about the fact that Gordon was mortal once, and how he got to where he is.

He looks away. Tommy turns his head a full ninety degrees to the right, because he can’t look at this right now. He’s looking at another display, one with a small wagon, a plastic horse, and a skeleton standing upright. It’s nice, probably about trade, or ranchers, or-

Hang on a second.

“Maybe it’s an ancestor of yours or something?” Darnold theorizes. “What do you think, Tommy?”

Why is there a skeleton there?

“Uncle Tommy?”

[woozi]

henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH

[survivorhephaestus]

RITES OF PASSAGE

Logan, Katie, Josh, and Jakey, it’s time for us to remember those who have fallen. It’s been a long and winding journey up here among the stars, and you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the other twelve people who used to be part of the crew.... so let’s take a moment to say their names, and memorialize their place in the cosmos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf8hdNL7ZUA

KAREN

Jakey: 

“KAREN i wish you waited more than 5 minutes to come after me cause i wanted to work with you!!! i knew u were good with katie n would be a good ally but u rly tried to eat this pussy and i wasn’t into it!!!! but ik you’re rly funny and you prob would’ve been more active than most of these people so im sry :( but i rly had to show these bitches not to continue trying me”

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a deer because you're friendly, peaceful, and compassionate. - Your song: MMMBop by Hanson“

Katie:

"I love you bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, biiiiiitch."

JAY

Jakey:

“i wish we were able to talk more!!! your time was cut short because you chose the wrong side and i was just getting out the people who voted for me im sry bae”

Katie:

"Whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe."

LAURENCE

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a deer because you're friendly, peaceful, and compassionate. - Your song: MMMBop by Hanson“

Katie: 

"Ah f**k, I can't believe you've done this."

STEVIE

Jakey:

“hello my king. i wish you just voted with me the first round!!!!! i rly liked you, but i had stronger relationships with everyone else and felt i could trust them more. i appreciate your fight tho it was fun playing together!“

Josh:

“I was really excited to see you and to play with you again! It’s just a shame that we ended up in a position where we couldn’t. Hope you’re doing well though!“

Katie:

"Do you want to go see Uncle Cracker or no?"

OWEN

Jakey:

“!!!!! you were in this game that is WILD to me… the all stars casting WHEW this was a cast from hell, truly. KJFJKKFJ but I’ve always loved u even if we aren’t always working together in games. and in this game we started on opposite sides which is ultimately why i had to make the move i did!!! no matter how much i wanted to play w you down the line, you had ur allegiances!!!! i wish i was at least able to catch up w you :( remember that snap you sent me on thanksgiving once???????????????????????? ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;))))))CTFU”

Katie:

“Um, I'm never been to oovoo javer."

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a penguin because you're gentle, enigmatic, and hard-working. - Your song: Temptation by New Order”

CARSON

Jakey:

“wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you rly had to get voted out right before a merge… we would have RAN THIS GAME!!!! ily i hope ur great bc ur great and u deserve everything a literal ANGEL!!!! im gonna yell at katie for voting you out now”

Josh:

“The Minkowski music video we did was the best one I’ve seen and it’s thanks to your dancing! It was nice getting to know you and to play with you!”

Katie:

“Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick.“

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a horse because you're noble, loyal, and free-spirited. - Your song: Waterfalls by TLC”

RICHIE

Jakey:

“!!!! my actual favorite… you were def my closest ally (asides from renee) and i loved our little f3 sm ugh… the first merge round rly was the ugliest thing i’ve ever seen and i’m so sorry i couldn’t save you :( youre the funniest person on this cast and i wish we had more time to fuck shit up in this game together. we did premerge tho so i’ll cherish our moments <3″

Josh:

“My Arabia child! I’ve always been a fan of you and after watching you play twice as a host I was so excited to finally play with you! We really had a great thing going and was totally 100% with you but towards the end the relationship kinda took a dive as I’ve met more and talked to people.”

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a hedgehog because you're sarcastic, cunning, and individualistic. - Your song: Jumpin' Jumpin' by Destiny's Child”

DREW

Jakey:

“the cat with nine lives!!! even tho we legit met at the merge, i was so loyal to you. you were someone alone in the game and i was on the bottom so hell yeah i wanted us to slay!!!! but unfortunately, YET AGAIN, i was so close to saving you but it fuckin tied and ONCE AGAIN, i was the only one to stick to my word and keep you in the revote. A TREND… that i die for my allies cause YOU DESERVED SOMEONE BEING LOYAL TO YOU IN THIS GAME GKJGJKKJG i love u and that’s that. u slayed this season as an underdog i was shook!”

Josh:

“Whenever we play games like this somehow we always end up not on the same side even if we have a 400~ day streak LOL”

Katie:

“Country boy, I love you ahhhwweelhwh...”

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a zebra because you're loyal, intelligent, and committed. - Your song: Dreams by Fleetwood Mac”

PATRICK

Jakey:

“i can’t believe we were able to play this game together for a while and put the past in the past! the premerge was the jakerick fantasy… when you didn’t lie and ignore me </3 hahah but i understand why you chose to play the game you did and i can’t fault you for it!!!! you tried to kill minkowski but i WOULDN’t let u KJFJKFKJ ily pat and i think you’re honestly a kind, caring person with good intentions. not to mention you crack me UP— your sense of humor is truly unique and hilarious and it’s the part i admire the most of u. great game, yet again, pat!”

Josh:

“Pattycakes! I really enjoyed the time we spent together in this game! Working with you from the start was such a pleasure. Thanks for humouring me when I have the nerd itch (can’t wait for the CR animated special! uwu)”

Katie:

“So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?”

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a giraffe because you're self-confident, charming, and vainglorious. - Your song: What I Like About You by The Romantics”

KARTER

Jakey:

“you are so sweet!!! we obviously weren’t on the same side of many votes this season. we started separately and you had your loyalties so i knew i wouldn’t ever be a very close ally to you. you played this game very well and i have so much respect for you as a game player! if this was ur first game im VERYYYY impressed i think my first game i would randomize my vote cause i thought it was funny. JKFJKF but anyway whew u were a tough competitor! wish u the best w everything <3″

Josh:

“We may not have spoken that much but the time we spent together i feel like you’re very sweet and you struck me as a person who couldn’t hurt a fly! Your spacesuit in our music video was iconic too!”

Katie:

"I didn't get no sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gone get no sleep cause of me!"

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a panda because you're caring, playful, and self-sufficient. - Your song: Groove Is in the Heart by Deee-Lite”

LYDIA

Jakey:

“i wasn’t going to make one for you cause i don’t want anything i say to be seen as a strategic-gain in this game, but i just rly want to say i don’t hate you. i do think you’re a kind person w a good heart and good intentions. we may not always mix in the right way, but i think in real life without the stress of this game, we’d be good friends, and i hope we can work things out after this all!!”

Josh:

“The moment I saw you on the cast list I was so excited and decided then and there that I want to work with you given the chance and I’m so glad we did! I enjoyed our short calls of us panicking and doing wild impulsive stuff. This game is very stressful and part of the reason I managed to hang in there was because you were able to keep me from overthinking too much.“

Katie:

“"Nice Ron" "I sneezed, oh, what, am I not allowed to sneeze?"“

Logan: 

“- If you were an animal, you would be an owl because you're intuitive, observant, and skillful. - Your song: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) by Whitney Houston”

RENEE

Jakey:

“imyimyimyimy why’d u leave me!!! my partner-in-crime this whole game!!! i love you renee we clicked INSTANTLY and from there you’ve been my ride o die this whole way. when ppl would say where’s renee??? she’s inactive. i’d be like pls she could show up for 5 minutes per round and still get the votes to save herself. YOU’RE A LEGEND and an underrated queen! if your real life wasn’t so demanding, i know those ocean waves aren’t gonna sail themselves, you’d be in the end! <3 <3 <3 <3“

Josh:

“what happened to our f2?”

Katie:

"Ms. Keisha, MS. KEISHA! Oh my f**king God, she f**king dead."

Logan:

“- If you were an animal, you would be a tiger because you're elegant, enigmatic, and unpredictable. - Your song: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette”

[pldubrahs]

anyway, this has been a While coming and now im back in new orleans so LOTS OF GUSHING ABOUT THE LIGHTNING THIEF MUSICAL, UNDER THE CUT

the ambiance of the theater, dim and filled with soft storm sounds

this show does really beautiful things with overlapping singing and w harmonys and its So low budget but still so good and the cast is small but amazing and literally everyone but chris is cast into several roles and its just amazing

if u dont wanna read this whole thing, just scroll down to the end for a Special Surprise

ACT 1

the Bitter, Angry, Sad music, ltm is truly the Emo Rock Musical we deserve

i seriously almost fell out of my chair when chris mccarrell came out. he honest to god was SUCH a good percy, so fidgety and all his expressions were ON POINT

“CHROOONOOOOOOOS”

ms dodds in General she was hilarious for the literal 3 minutes she was onstage

the pen to sword transformation is literally just: chris hides the pen and grabs the sword from somewhere else onstage. during my show, in the ms dodds fight scene, the sword was on the back of chirons wheelchair and it got stuck so he had to trip after the chair as chiron wheeled off and TUG it off to fight

DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVED CHRIS MCCARRELL AND HOW AMAZING HIS VOICE WAS? BECAUSE I DO AND IT W A S

sally is a BLACK WOMAN 

just in general, this show was Amazing at raceblind casting

sally sprayed febreeze after smelly gabe, like he leaned to look in the fridge and she stood behind him spraying febreeze directly at him for like 30 seconds

“he was handsome and strong and before too long- you came!” percy was roasting marshmallows and looking out towards the audience and sally was rubbing up and down the sides of her body during this before “you came!” and it was v funny

Strong in general was Great bc WOW IM LOVE THE “NORMALCY IS A SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED MYTH” MESSAGE

grover and percy meeting outside camp

“oh look a goat” “percy!”

“he met a furie” “youre all furry! what happened to your legs”

the v cute friendship bickering, overlapping voices thing that percy and grover v often did. this was the grover and percy friendship that we always needed

during the weird dream when he sees annabeth and hes like “gee whiz shes the most beautiful girl ive ever seen”

and then when he officially meets her after hes not out of it, he says “youre my dream girl!” and then backpedals and its great

ANOTHER TERRIBLE DAY. DEFFS ONE OF THE TOP FIVE SONGS. MR D IN GENERAL WAS JUST AMAZING, GEORGE SALAZAR ROCKED IT

he kicked the chair over so much and then there was a part after his camp halfblood intern thing left so his chair didnt get reset behind him and so he kicked into the air, got frustrated, and put the chair up himself

“of course, who am i to give relationship advice, im literally the god of alcohol”

“you can hate it here, but i HATED IT FIRST”

so so so many Soft sex jokes and bc im a Child i loved them 

chiron is just a guy galloping with a horse tail its the cutest thing and everyone laughed bc like imagine a kid galloping w their legs high and w/e, but on an adult and slow motion

“you’ll get used to mr d. he can be a bit... well, he hates children”

luke was Very attractive and ALSO he had a lot of chemistry w percy and w annabeth and i, who remembered shipping percy and luke back in my Youth, was Living

annabeth deffs had a crush on luke dont @ me

also luke was Softly bitter. like he sounded like a modern kid, bitter and upset but saying it in a joking way; totally makes sense that no one suspects that he’d do anything w chronos bc all the kids are upset and he doesnt get dark until the very end of the show

“are you ever going to wear pants again?” “Nope!”

luke: “havent you ever played capture the flag?” percy, excitedly: “not with swords!” *makes swooshy lightsaber noises* annabeth, suffering, full of regret: “It’s not a lightsaber.”

“sexist much?” “no, i love girls” [muffled luke and grover cackling in the background]

CLARISSE, LOVE OF MY LIFE! her song was so so good

im sure everyone has mentioned this but the LEAF BLOWERS BLOWING TOILET PAPER TO REPRESENT WATER LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE

the campfire song

percys Soft concern for annabeths story about running away “wait is that true”

grover starting to cry during his part

“my father is chronos.... remember my lecture, he ate his children””....... chiron wins”

APHRODITE'S DAUGHTER’S STORY “godess of love, my moms aphrodite... i bring home a boy and shes there in her nightie! oh nooooo” “she steals my mascara and all of my dates!” wonderful

percy sings nicely about his mother and everyones like “hes doing it wrong”

“we dont care where our parents may be, as long as you are here with me!” FRIENDSHIP MAKES ME EMO

“havent you noticed that there arent any other little sea godlings running around? any sons of hades or daughters of zeus? the big three gods arent supposed to have kids!” i loved this tiny easter egg i love my big three kids

“look at the boy, hes clearly not a thief!” “oh, yeah no yeah yeah yeah no no yeah yeah no yeah no, youre right! you cant fake being that stupid unless youre a brilliant actor, but im also the god of drama, so i can tell you HES NOT”

“his lightning?” “yeah, we're not talking some crummy tin foil zig zag from some off broadway play!”

GOOD KID IS EVEN BETTER LIVE THAN IT WAS ON THE RECORDING IT RUINED MY LIFE

Killer Quest! is an amazing end of act song and v upbeat and cute

“so where is the underworld actually” “look for doa records” “its a record company? actually, im not surprised”

ACT 2

WE’RE LOST IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE IN NEW JERSEY AND WE’RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT TO LA

“half bloods to monsters smell like mickey ds, like tacos or take out vietnamese”

“dude are you talking to the squirrel?” “satyr powers, be nice. this squirrel knows every corner of the woods, maybe he can help us” “really? because i think that seems kind of nuts” [silence] “you hurt his feelings. tell the squirrel youre sorry.”

medusa in general, what a Good scene

ensemble members shaking maracas to make snake noises for her

medusa cant say “nemesis”

“ive done everything to prove to the gods that im the best and you- i mean, you dont even know how to hold a sword” “yes i do!, yes... i do...” “no, hands here *adjusts percys grip*” “i didnt ask for any of this: gods, monsters, quests- oh, wow, that is a lot easier”

my grand plan is the most annabeth chase song ever and i love it its such a good look into her character and i love her so much

“when boys mess up they always get another chance”

“cause most girl never win if theyre polite”

THE COMMENTARY ON HOW WOMEN HAVE TO BE IN TODAYS SOCIETY IN ORDER TO BE TAKE SERIOUSLY HELL YEAH

“the gods will think we’re impertinent” “we are impertinent”

the squirrel gave them three amtrak tickets

DRIVE IS A COUNTRY SONG AND I FUCKING LOVE IT IM HONESTLY SHOOK

i hate country except for this One Song

ITS ONE FOOT FORWARD AT A TIME; DUST OFF ALL THAT GRIT AND GRIME; WE STILL GOT A LOT LEFT TO DOOOO, CAUSE PEOPLE ARE COUNTIN ON US AND IM COUNTIN ON YOU! DRIIIIIIIIVE JUST DRIIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIVE STAY AHEAD STAY AHEAD STAY ALIIIIIIIVE

“is that chihuahua?” “its a chimera!”

“maybe if you hadnt brought all those dam snacks” “uh it was the hoover dam and i was hungry!”

ares drives them to las vegas and when they get there he says “this is where i... get off” and its HILARIOUS i love lowkey sex jokes

gentle easter egg to bianca and nico re: may 1st 1939

“the oracle can can it ill save my mom and savE THE PLANET!” im love percy so much

tREE ON THE HILL IS ABOUT THALIA AND IT MADE ME CRY GOD WHAT A GOOD SONG and grover feels like a failure and annabeth is like “no u saved my life ur a good friend and a good guardian <3 friendship”

THE FERRYMAN TO THE UNDERWORLD FLIRTS WITH GROVER

“you wanna hear my demo?” “uh-” [loud music plays] “im sorry i couldnt hear you over this SWEET ASS RIFF”

YOURE IN THE D.O.A. AND YOURE HERE TO STAY YEAH YOURE STUCK FOREVER NEVER GET AWAY NO HOPE FOR SURVIVAL YOURE DEAD ON ARRIVAL

“oh! do you have any josh groban?” “we will.” I CACKLED

DJ CEBERUS W A COOL 3-HEADED DEADMAU5 ESQUE MASK

the ferryman also attacks them all like “youre not gonna save the planet, you wont protect your friends, you wont be remembered”

everyone says this but “i think this pit is tartarus” “LIKE THE FISH SAUCE?”

“why would chronus want my shoes?” “they were really cool shoes”

bitter, sad hades who just wants people to stop thinking that hes the bad guy and for his brothers to come visit him

“one does not simply walk out of the underworld”

W H A T  B E L O N G S  T O  T H E  S E A  C A N  A L W A Y S  R E T U R N

small reprise of good kid as he considers hades offer and then the melody cHANGES and percy realizes that the seashell, a gift from a god, can SAVE THEM and its beautiful because SON OF POSEIDON IS A GOOD SONG

“maybe my dad was a screwup too, his best laid plans always falling through... maybe he never knew how to care but hey, thats life, and life aint fair... but i think my dad mayve thrown me a line, and better late than never, ill finally get a sign!”

its a good song kids

the kids get to the oceans and they FIGHT ARES and ares and percy are both singing, percy singing The Son Of Poseidon chorus and ares singing Put You In Your Place and its b e a u t i f u l

THE TOILET PAPER THROW- basically they bring in like 6 leafblowers w toilet paper rolls attached and the first five rows get covered in toilet paper. as someone who was in the fifth row, it was amazing

poseidon comes in, they have a Heart To Heart, he brings sally back to life, he flirts with sally, its hilarious and awkward

“the gods are unfair but we’re not total dicks”

percys like “you dont have to stay w gabe anymore” and sallys like “smh boy u cant solve all my problems. you saved my life, now i have to figure out how to live it”

he gives her medusas head

“what is this” “its a... do it yourself scupture kit” “oh! *begins to open it*” “no no no its, um, medusas head”

“well, as my official protector, you can officially escort us back to camp” “and youre conscience this time!”

chiron is also cast as poseidon so like he runs into the camp scene after a quick change and says “i hoofed it here as quick as i could!” 

last day of summer happens and w/e its cute but whAT REALLY MATTERS IS LUKES BETRAYAL: okay so the music slows and goes into the minor key and percys like “we still dont know whos working w chronos :/” lukes like “yeah it sucks” and he starts singing about how he doesnt trust the gods and how the gods hate them and how they need to take over the world and put the gods in their place--he and percy do their handshake fist-to-the-chest thing and luke is serious and percy does it but hes v confused and it Hurts. this is the first time in the show that luke sounds just Bitter and Angry instead of jokingly deprecating and its quite the effect

THE DARK GOOD KID REPRISE 

“ill do anything, i dont care if i hurt anyone, it doesnt pay to be a good kid, a good kid, a good son" GOD IT HURTS luke has so much pain and i feel so bad for him like yeah hes evil but,,, hes had a hard life

annabeth comes in and DISARMS LUKE but PSYCH luke has a small switchblade and STABS PERCY IN THE BACK (bc they cant use scorpions onstage)

percybeth moment interrupted by clarisse’s loud coughing and grover

percys like “we cant just sit here and wait for our parents to fix things.”

“the gods will say we’re impertinent” “we are impertinent” goddamn that symmetry

“are we ever gonna once have it easy?” my poor poor kids

percy- “feeling ready” annabeth- “feeling stoked” grover- “feeling queasy”

THE SEA DOESNT LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED

bring on the monsters is just a Good song

also hey if you got to the end of this, congrats! i have a ltm audio and either in a message or in an off-anon ask and ill hook u up

[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #7: “C’mon Rat, Follow the Cheese” - Jessy

The tribes merged and all of the pre-mergers were added to the merge tribe as the Karma Island twist was revealed.  The players started campaigning to get back in and Cat, Austin, and Drew chose to drop out and become voters.  After a whole day of scrambling and a messy voting situation, Connor was voted back into the game.  The tribe was given their first immunity challenge and Matt was able to solve it and win immunity quite quickly.  After no one talked the day before the vote, the players started scrambling last minute with one side trying to decide whether to vote off Sam or MJ while the opposing side was trying to decide between Allison or Connor.  In the end, MJ and Sam's alliance threw their votes on Andrew to thwart any posisble idol play.  Sam also used her vote negator to cancel Allison's vote for MJ.  Andrew was sent home in a 5-4 vote.

HAHAHAHAHA so it's 9:58 and I should go to tribal and I was on call with Connah and then Lydia and MJ called and added Connah and MJ told me I might be getting votes so I might be getting voted out idk adios fuck this shit!

Can't wait to be seventh boot

[12:51:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: bih wtf. [12:51:39 PM] connah. i guess.: I didn't do anything. [12:51:40 PM] mj ultra . _/: oh you really wanna fight me tonight huh yes bitch i do. yes we are in a partnership but i'm not your bitch. i'm not gonna sit here and do everything you want but it's fine because people will hopefully see you as a bigger threat so if they gonna try take one of us out... can't say i'm too sorry about it. his ass wants to sit here and vote lydia back when we literally just voted her out? i see where he's coming from because we might be able to use lydia tbh but he's literally shutting down any ideas i had so i'm kinda angry rn.

mj's gameplay has really rubbed off on me... my ass just blindsided lydia and now i'm really down for voting her back in? i had my fun pre-merge but now it's time to really get this shit going

http://prntscr.com/fn4qxy http://prntscr.com/fn4r1v At first I thought Connor would have the highest chance of returning but after hearing a few things I think REGAN has the best shot??? When and how did that happen?

Hmmmmm I'm feeling really weird in this tribe. It's as if I don't belong.....That's the vibe I'm getting. Whatever. I'm sticking to my strategy of not talking to people. Hey it worked TWICE and got me to the end twice. It works. People come to me with information at once. I hope I can pull it off again.

so like I mighta just made a chat with myself Scott jessy Allison josh and Connor to save Connor bc David was a bust. Highkey still don't trust Scott and sam Matt mj and connah are trying for Lydia and I'm like no fuck off? When the phone battery goes down my chaotic gameplay goes up. Like idc whomstve is gonna be pissed i am GETTING Connor in this game. Drew and cat should have sacrificed themselves for him too so here's to fucking hoping. If Lydia comes in I'm dead straight up gay up!

push me to the edge i wish i was dead why is scott a snake scott u little snake push me to the edge i wish i was dead lydia im the wrong connor please stop making my life harder push me to the edge mask off, task off back off, mask off i dont really care that im crying but i really care that youre lying edge dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun mask off, task off

i have lost all my motivation. i am a shell of a man i used to be

i am fucked. if i somehow get out of this mess i got myself into it would be a miracle.

Okay it's time for my second confessional because it's getting really hard dealing with these people and I need to vent. Like I really cannot.

After the Lydia vote off succeeded I tried to do major damage control with Matt and Scott. They both seemed to understand but I know they don't trust me anymore. Iit's not like they even realistically did. Maybe Matt did, but his reaction really shows his game. Scott seems to think he can snake his way around the two alliances but I'll bring up that later in this confessional. Anyways, it's announced that Karma Island is in play and immediately I'm worried. I fell into a position where I had to lead on Connor, David and Regan all at once because I legitimately had no idea who I wanted to return. I received information from Scott that MJ was on call with Sam and Lydia. They were

[4:26:26 AM] Jessy: i have some tea ladies! [4:27:05 AM] Jessy: So Scott is playing both sides. [4:27:09 AM] Jessy: and MJ/Connah/Josh are too. [4:27:21 AM] Jessy: MJ wants me to stay so he can use me for next tribal to get Sam out.. [4:27:26 AM] Jessy: But sis he has another thing coming. [4:29:43 AM] Jessy: sam acts like a 4 year old [4:29:47 AM] Jessy: "jessy probs just wants all of us on jury bc we're the ppl who knew her pregame so we'd give her our jury votes" [4:29:52 AM] Jessy: she said this [4:29:57 AM] Jessy: like no i want u on prejury [4:29:58 AM] Jessy: zzksjksksks [4:42:41 AM] Jessy: mj and connah rlly think they're so smart huh [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: like ur not. [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFMKLDSMKLA [4:42:46 AM] Jessy: i literally know what ur doing [4:43:03 AM] Jessy: this is ur mo mj... [4:43:05 AM] Jessy: ur forcing myself into a situation where i have to go w/ him b/c my numbers are cut. [4:44:25 AM] Jessy: Like I know he's pitting me against Samatthew by telling me this information [4:44:29 AM] Jessy: But like.. [4:44:37 AM] Jessy: Damn they're literally Spencer and Tasha [4:52:02 AM] Jessy: I'm reading their games to filth. [8:18:39 AM] Jessy: me again [8:21:05 AM] Jessy: God why'd i tell connor i heard his name [8:21:06 AM] Jessy: LSJLSSKKSKS [9:52:09 AM] Jessy: SCOTT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIAR [9:59:32 AM] Jessy: time to get reads [9:59:35 AM] Jessy: and intel! [9:59:41 AM] Jessy: im legit gonna interrogate him idc [10:01:03 AM] Jessy: Nancy Drew who???? [10:01:16 AM] Jessy: im GETTING the dirt. [10:01:24 AM] Jessy: spill the beans! [10:01:50 AM] Jessy: seeing Scott is typing... answering my questions is so funny [10:01:57 AM] Jessy: Like ur nervous huh sis [10:03:32 AM] Jessy: does scott really think ill eat the bullshit hes putting out for me on a platter rn? [10:03:37 AM] Jessy: Like bitch what the fuck LAKSKSKKSKS [10:08:25 AM] Jessy: OK SCOTT IS LYING OUT OF HIS ASS [10:08:29 AM] Jessy: IM SICK OF IT [10:08:35 AM] Jessy: HOW DOES MJ KNOW U WERE HIGH THEN [10:08:44 AM] Jessy: LIKE UGH !!! [10:09:53 AM] Jessy: ok sam could've told mj! [10:09:57 AM] Jessy: interesting! [10:14:37 AM] Jessy: mj and scott together ? conspiracy theory ? [10:18:18 AM] Jessy: Oh yeah, I also found out last night that josh did vote for Lydia, but Connah switched his vote from Lydia to Connor and Trevor wouldn't allow him to change it back [10:18:26 AM] Jessy: i thought sam was being distant huh scott [10:20:12 AM] Jessy: There's holes in this scheme. [10:22:32 AM] Jessy: "Same" [10:22:34 AM] Jessy: keh [10:22:51 AM] Jessy: guess i'm done here. [10:23:51 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I'm samatthew [10:24:27 AM] Jessy: theyre literally spencer and tasha [10:24:32 AM] Jessy: mj is a cheap version of jeremy [10:26:00 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Who are you [10:26:45 AM] Jessy: i wanna say kelley but i don't wanna be cocky like matt

This is a recap on what happened before the Karma Vote. One reason is so that I can look back on it and the other is for Connor to read in the future. This is 100% what happened. Lydia made her pitch to me around noon yesterday and she had made valid points and I wouldn't mind her being back but my vote is locked to Connor at that point though I was still willing to listen to her so I can get info out of her. I messaged Connah a little later and he said he was going to vote Lydia back in so I had an inkling that something's up but shrugged it off because there's no way Lydia's coming back it's just not in the numbers. I went to bed and woke up at 6am with a bunch of messages and one of them was Lydia asking to call. I told her I only woke up randomly and was planning on sleeping a little bit more. I didn't know the vote was due at 8 and I woke up 30 minutes before the deadline. Jessy messaged me asking if MJ had come up to me and asked if Lydia's being voted back in and I said no because MJ and I haven't talked yet. A little while, Andrew messaged me asking who to vote and I said Connor and then I got added to the Saving Connor chat with Scott, Jessy, Allison and Connor. What surprised me the most is why Scott is there. I didn't understand. Next, MJ messaged me asking for my vote so that we can tie between Lydia and Connor. Now the thing is, I told them I would vote whatever they want to but my vote is locked to Connor unless they absolutely needed it because they're the two people I trusted the most in this game. And they really did need it. I went on call with Connor and told him that everyone's pulling my leg getting me to vote with them and then got on call with Connah making his case to me with Lydia and Lydia's on my pms making her case again and Scott and I were trying to figure out how we're going to go and mind you this is literally 5 minutes before the deadline and at that point everyone thought we could change votes. I was freaking out everyone was talking to me at the same time I felt very pressured that I just asked Scott to make a decision for me and he won't decide for me and Connah just started to tell me VOTE LYDIA VOTE LYDIA and without hesitation I changed. Now obviously that didn't fall through because Connor came back and he found out I changed my vote. Now he doesn't want to speak to me and probably burned my bridge with him and idk about the status of our friendship right now. I spilled so much critical information on Connor and if we went our separate ways and uses those against me then I'm fucked. I mentioned to Connor how I wanted to target Jessy because of how good she is and if that gets back to her than she's going to turn on me. My hope is that MJ, Sam, Scott, Connah and Matt form a 6 person alliance to get past this round. This game is taking a toll on me emotionally and I've been struggling to play since the first few days. I wasn't like this before. It isn't worth it. It's not worth it to lose a friendship over this. It's easy to say that you need to cut ties and turn the heart off but doing it for real is different. Connor, my explanation is probably something you did not want to hear and it's probably going to re-open wounds once this game is over because looking back on it now, the decision was stupid. It didn't have to be that way but I gave in because of pressure.

Honestly.... I just feel so defeated. I don't see myself really doing as great as I would have wanted to in this game, which is such a pessimistic way to think but its true. Like if I were to be going home tomorrow I wouldn't even care that I didn't make the jury. A lot just went down these past few days that made me realize why I retired in the first place. So to really go back, Lydia was blindsided. Not surprised that it happened cause I knew something fishy was going on, but surprised that out of everyone I was the most left out of the loop. Like no one bothered to tell me that the vote was getting split between Allison and Andrew. Like when Lydia left Jessy and Andrew had me on call and explained everything to me and why they did what they did. And like I'm really not mad at them for doing so. I think it was amazing on their part that they pulled it off. They told me how MJ and Connah were really wanting to get Lydia out, which caught me by surprise cause I thought they were really close. Afterwards, Sam gets me on call and is worried about what could happen in the future and who we have with us. And to my surprise, Matt Summers actually talked strategy with me for the first time. The story I got from them was that Jessy approached them and got them involved with voting Lydia. To make matters worse, we have to vote someone back into this game thanks to Karma Island. And I feel like this is gonna make things so much worse cause I'm starting to realize I only have myself in this game. Idk like in Maluku flipping was easy cause I had Maria and Mattica who I trusted more than anyone. I don't really trust anyone in this game, so it makes everything 10x worse. Connor talked to me and told me he doesn't hold that against me, and idk part of me really thinks if he IS going to come back, I need to vote him so I can prove to him that I can be someone he can actually work with later on. Especially with MJ/Connah/Sam/Matt being a sinking ship, I just feel like I need to find other resources when I need to. Plus the only person I trust in that group is Sam, and after hearing that MJ has wanted me out of this game for awhile now I don't see why I need to stick my neck out for them. That whole voting process was such a mess because I really didn't know what to do with all of that. Like I voted for Connor cause I was sure he was getting in, then Josh comes to me and says he didn't know what to do. Which like RIP cause I thought he already voted, and to make matter worse he told lydia and lydia went off on me in the pms. And like, the fact that this all went down when I was out with friends just made me realize that I'm too invested in this game and that I left for a reason. Idk the only reason why Connor is back is because Connah changed his vote and wasnt allowed to switch back. I'm just annoyed cause I'm really fucked in this game to the point of no return. And like Sam and them are trying to make sure I'm gonna vote with them but with Lydia out and the only person on that side i actually consider an ally being Sam, it just makes sense for me to go through with what I've been wanting to do for awhile and flip with Jessy and Andrew.

"fifth vote... lydia"

what the fuck is going on why is no one talking to me. fucking hell man, and then im gonna wake up again and have a shit ton of messages waiting for me when i check my phone. everything's happening at the very last minute in this game omg.

YALL TRIBAL IS  11 HOURS AWAY I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO AND IM GONNA BE ASLEEP IN 9 OF THOSE HOURS. FUCK IT.

you know how it'd be fun if i just go ghost the whole morning tomorrow lkfjskjdfhskjfs *deletes Skype*

OKA Y BUT S ERIOUSLY im sick and tired of waking up in the morning where a plan has already been made and i have no say in it. fuck it a guy needs his sleep its yalls fault for not making a plan during our off day ! btw if i get voted out tomorrow im gonna be salty af trevor why did you have to have the first merge boot not a jury member i dont want to miss out on JURY! !!!!!

everyone is getting on my god damn nerves TODAY !

On 25/06/2017, at 8:30 PM, connor wrote: > hi background music plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpLU8BI02wQ

Okay so I just laid out all the info I got today. I talked to Scott this morning I said does he know for sure Sam has a vote negator or is it a hunch? He said it was a hunch and he doesn't really know, so I got sus. He was high last night so maybe he let it slip MJ told me that Scott was high last night so I wanted to find a way to vertify what he said about Scott/Sam/Matt/MJ/Connah being all on a group call [6/24/2017 10:09:30 AM] Jessy: did you tell anyone you were high LMAOOOOO i'd be so non functional if i was high and game talking [6/24/2017 10:09:40 AM] Scott: I mean I told sam It's possible that Scott is either lying about him telling Sam specifically, or Sam just told MJ that Scott was high and he happened to tell me this He said this when I asked him about the Sam call: [6/24/2017 9:51:38 AM] Jessy: did anything important come out of the sam call [6/24/2017 9:51:58 AM] Scott: Honestly it just made me realize that she doesn't trust me [6/24/2017 9:52:17 AM] Jessy: fuck! [6/24/2017 9:52:25 AM] Scott: She asked me what my relationship was with you [6/24/2017 9:53:05 AM] Scott: And if I actually trusted you cause you're known to be deceiving for "organizing the whole Lydia vote and misting MJ/Connah" [6/24/2017 9:53:48 AM] Jessy: :$ would be me if i actually did! [6/24/2017 9:54:07 AM] Jessy: r they voting me [6/24/2017 9:54:25 AM] Scott: I mean we never got around to actually talking about it [6/24/2017 9:54:32 AM] Jessy: oh okay [6/24/2017 9:54:39 AM] Jessy: who do you think she would go for [6/24/2017 9:55:32 AM] Scott: But I wouldn't be surprised if that's what they were wanting to do cause sam really just kept mentioning how I felt about you [6/24/2017 9:57:03 AM] Jessy: that's offputtig [6/24/2017 9:57:08 AM] Jessy: *offputting [6/24/2017 9:58:02 AM] Scott: Yeah, but it's just really clear that damage was done last night so I'm not even sure what's gonna be happening from here on out It made me think that I'm unsure if Scott is just lying about the call or if MJ is just trying to come up with a scenario for me to think is happening so I won't pull any moves. Then, I talked to MJ about the vote and he said that he was going to be on a road trip today so he's probably asleep by now. I talked to Connah about the game while MJ was online and while we were talking about the whole thing of us being on different sides, MJ pmed me. He said he pmed me because Connah sent him a funny quote about a joke I made. Then, I asked him if Connah sent him any game logs. The game logs were about us being on different sides in the Lydia/Connor returnee vote and then he kept on acting like he didn't know who was going to go because no one was talking to him. I asked him if Sam would be a vote he would want, and he said it depends if we have the numbers. He said I have to convince Allison+Andrew+Connor myself because he doesn't want to get himself involved in something controversial this tribal council after last round. I asked MJ about this, and he said Connah specifically said: "idk if I wanna stick with jessy or go with sam" "like I'm just confused" This made me paranoid, because I didn't know if Connah meant "stick with jessy" as a vote or "go with sam" as a vote. It's possible that MJ made it look like he meant regarding alliances and not a vote off, but it still made me paranoid. MJ then told me Connah went on call with Sam. MJ said he asked Connah what was going on and they were just talking about who they wanted to go. MJ said they both leaned towards Connor leaving. MJ then said Connah thought he should go with Sam (as in alliances). MJ said he would try to convince him to "string me along" next round and use me to vote Sam off. MJ then said if Sam convinced Connah to vote for me, he would try to convince him to go after Sam this round. MJ said he would prefer Connor to go now and Sam next round, but he's willing to consider it by starting it off with a conversation with Connah tomorrow. Our conversation ended, and I thought that I should try to message Sam in some way and let her know that I'm "flexible". I then said that people probably think we aren't together in the game and we could play that to our advantage. She said she was down if I was, but proceeding this she kept on saying she didn't know what she wanted to do and that "she has no power to throw out a name." This really annoyed me so I asked her who does and she said she doesn't know. Our conversation ended, but during it Connah messaged me asking me if I'm talking to anyone because it's really quiet. I was feeling a vibe that Sam told Connah she was talking to me, so I told him I was trying to resolve my issues with Sam. It got awkward so our conversation kinda died off. During all this, Andrew, Allison and Connor didn't have a lot to say about anything. Connor said he was at work all day and came back at 10 PM EDT and said sorry he was at work. I said it was okay then asked him if he talked to Josh recently. He never replied and then I asked him again an hour later and still received no reply. Now, Scott says he's back and is messaging my alliance chat with himself and Andrew. I haven't talked to Matt at all this vote. I said hey to Allison in pms but she never replied because I'm pretty sure she's been offline. I haven't talked to Josh either, but I have an opportunity to tonight because it's 2 PM for him in Phillippines.

Decisions, decisions.... I hate my position in this game as the "middle man" Anyways, Jessy/Andrew I think are expecting me to flip and vote Sam with them this round, but tbh I don't think I can flip on Sam and vote her out. Like if she goes, I don't want to be apart of that just because she trusts me a lot with her game. However, if they can manage to get her out this round I'm all theirs. Sam/MJ and co. said they want to do Allison, and because I don't trust Allison i think it might be safest for me to just vote her out and only flip if they're wanting to vote out Jessy/Andrew. Also spoke on call with Connor and hes trying to convince me to flip. The only way I see myself voting with them is if they vote MJ. But I just don't think that is realistic since Jessy is set on voting Sam. Which I personally cannot do since she is the only one I trust on that other side. Idk its all very up in the air, hopefully it isnt me that goes

9wegwpirangwfj tribals in an hour and a half and I really don't know what I'm gonna do. Apparently Josh would be okay with voting out MJ but I'm not sure if he really would. Part of me is thinking I should just vote Allison and if it ties, then I flip cause I don't wanna be rocked out pre-jury, especially since the only person I trust on Sam and Co side is Sam. I just know this is gonna be one huge clusterfuck

So.... much.... stress.... Josh and I agreed on just voting with the separate blocks, but I forgot that Sam has a vote negator so now I have to decide if I'm actually gonna go through with that plan or just flip and vote MJ. hregehgoihiqrehie I HATE THIS GAME

This game? Is crazy. I want to die. Somehow, through almost FIVE HOURS of acumalitive calls, I have managed to flip Josh and Scott so that we have majority. MJ SHOULD be going home. I literally did that. Like, i LITERALLY did THAT. Good god. Fingers crossed. It just makes sense? With MJ being a winner already and very good at flipping votes and winning challenges, we have the time to take him out so lets do it. Sam would be easier to vote out and I know Jessy wanted to, but with Matt having another idol and being immune, the two of them are too close for comfort. Actually, this entire game is too close for comfort. end my life.

why am i in the middle. i mean i guess i should count my blessings because i'm not getting voted out but this is such a hard position to be in