#that is so unfair to them and cruel and just. wrong. (and often it reeks of white supremacy)

[uncanny-tranny]

If I'm honest, the whole "love in every stitch" saying for fiber artists does not apply to me, like. I'm trying to get this fucking hook into stubborn yarn and I'll be stabbing it like it owed me money. Is that love because I hope not 😭💀

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

The Mistakes We Made - Chapter Ten

Summary:  When her high school girlfriend comes back to town after two years with a baby and a terrible story she won’t tell, the Librarian has to deal with the feelings she had worked so hard to keep at bay.

Notes: Trigger warnings for this chapter: the d slur, descriptions of violence (light, but it’s there)

Also, for those who don’t know, Sabbats are the “holidays” celebrated by Wiccans/witches. Mabon is one of them

Read it on ao3: (chpt1) (chpt2) (chpt3) (chpt4) (chpt5) (chpt6) (chpt7) (chpt8) (chpt9) (chpt10)

Her mother had been very right, Maven realized.

Not that it came as a surprise; her mother was right about things more often than not, a combination of wisdom gained by experience and the wisdom she had been born with, but as she had to leave her house barely minutes after arriving from college, she finally saw why her mother always insisted in planning ahead for the Sabbats.

She had no idea how, but she had completely missed that Mabon, the autumn equinox, was coming. Well, she supposed it wasn’t completely abnormal that it had slipped her mind - between her mother’s deteriorating health and trying to balance college with work, she had a lot on her mind.

She felt a sharp pain on her chest as she realized that her mother hadn’t remembered it either. Maven had visited her before taking the train to Ericsonberg, like she always did when her mother was bad enough that the doctors decided to keep her in the hospital, and she didn’t say anything about it. Her mother must really be feeling down if she forgot a Sabbat.

But Maven refused to spend the day without as much as acknowledging the date. Thus the late run for a red candle and apple incense. Ideally, she would have tried to spend some time in nature, meditate, maybe even call her cousin and ask him if he was up for a divination session. But this would have to do.

When she was walking to the store, however, she began hearing a commotion in the distance. It didn’t take her long to connect the dots and realize that it came from one of Trollberg’s only bars, a loud, usually dirty place that was known for gathering all the wrong sorts of people. The bar was on the way to the store, so the rumors only got louder and louder until she finally walked by it.

It was quite crowded for a weekday, so Maven made her steps quicker as she passed it by. As she left the place behind and its sounds began fading, however, she began hearing whispering behind her, and other steps echoed on the street beside her own.

She didn’t worry much about it. Crime in Trollberg was practically unheard of, but she tried to keep to the shadows nevertheless. It was when she was about to turn around the corner that she had the opportunity to take a look at the person who had been following her, and when she did, she thought she would rather it was a burglar.

He laughed when he noticed she saw him, leaning against a friend’s shoulder with two other men behind him, and her whole body tensed up. She knew the wise thing to do would be continue walking, refuse to just stay in an empty street with him, but her feet just wouldn’t move, despite her best efforts.

“Afraid of us, dyke?” Torrin mocked with laughter in his voice, making Maven stand up straighter.

“Of course not.” She should go. She really should go, but her body did not obey her, even as the man came closer, his step just a bit unsteady because of the alcohol he was reeking of.

“Do you have any news of Johanna?” As he approached her, she could see that his eyes looked wild, untamed, like an animal that could snap at any moment, and his smile had a cruel twist to it.

He laughed when she didn’t answer. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Don’t worry, though. She’s much better now.”

As he took a step forward, Maven thought that he wouldn’t actually dare to do what it looked like he would, but she was proven wrong when he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her hard, making her stagger backwards and very nearly fall to the ground.

She bared her teeth and stepped towards him, her heart beating on her ears, feeling hot despite the chilly night. She was not a fighter, but she’d be damned if she ran away without as much as giving him a piece of her mind. When she was close enough to grasp him, though, she looked at his smug grin, and had to draw back.

This would lead to nothing. She’d only get hurt, and he’d report the happening to the cops, who would obviously side with him. And even if they didn’t, his father would get him out of any punishment as easy as breathing.

She had no choice but to yield.

So she stepped back, still panting. “At least I didn’t have to use my parent’s influence to date her. Pathetic, really.”

Maven had barely a second to duck before his open hand came flying towards her face, only barely missing.

“She’s so much happier now. She didn’t know what she wanted!”

She took two more steps backwards, readying herself to break into a run if needed. “Oh, she didn’t know, but you did?”

Torrin’s friends looked like they wanted to laugh, and he seemed to be a second away from launching at her, when the man who ran the bar walked out of the door and looked at where they were in the end of the street.

“What’s going on in here?” He shouted at them, having been able to hear Torrin’s voice from the inside.

All the boys looked at him, and Maven took this opportunity to sprint away from them, turning into street after street until she was absolutely sure she’d lost them. She knew that come morning there would probably be a fresh batch of gossip about how she tried to assault the mayor’s son in a deserted street. She didn’t care. It wasn’t the first time something like this happened, and it wouldn’t be the last. She knew very well that the people who truly mattered wouldn’t believe the fake story.

She walked back to the part of the town she was most familiar with, heading for the little house behind the cemetery. There would be no celebration that night.

_#_#_#_

Johanna hated feeling idle. Not that she had been lying around, doing nothing for days- she had a baby to take care of. That alone occupied most of her time. But she hated that it felt like she was helping with nothing.

She knew she’d need some more time at Maven’s house. Her life was the very definition of chaos, and she needed somewhere to stay while she gathered strength and sanity to put it back together. But she hated that it felt like she was relying completely on her friend, especially because it was very unfair to her. She had been struggling to make ends meet on her own, and now she had to provide for two extra people, and Johanna was truly afraid of the toll this could have in her.

So, even through Maven’s insistence that it wasn’t necessary, Johanna began helping as best as she could with a small child to care for. She cleaned the house and did the laundry, and cooked to the best of her ability. One day, Maven told her she wouldn’t be back at the house for lunch, explaining that one of their neighbors had asked her to do a small cleaning job for her; it wasn’t the first time she did that, Maven told her, and it probably wouldn’t be the last.

Johanna had looked down at her breakfast, thinking this through before objecting. “Let me go instead.”

Maven looked at her with a confused face, her head tilted sideways.

“You already work so much, and I know you need all the time to study as you can get. And you shouldn’t skip lunch, either. So let me do it for you. I’ll give you the money, or use it to do the groceries, of course.”

Her friend told her it wasn’t necessary, that she didn’t have to work before she had her life sorted out. That Maven could hang on and help them for a while longer. But Johanna brushed off her affirmations along with her concerns about Hilda, and said firmly.

“You’re helping me way more than you needed to. The least I can do is help you back where I can.”

So she had taken that job, and anytime someone called Maven for little helps around their house, Johanna went instead.

Thus the situation she currently found herself in.

Usually, when she left, she made sure Hilda was sleeping and took her with her, leaving the baby in her stroller while she worked. But this time, Hilda was wide awake and playing in her playpen, and Johanna couldn’t very well just leave.

She sighed, looking at her daughter happily picking her toys up and dropping them to the floor again, squealing excitedly as they hit it with a tud. She hated to bother Maven, but it was probably her best option.

Her friend was in the living room couch, sitting among her textbooks and notebooks with a posture so bad that it nearly gave Johanna back pain, an signthe she was focusing very hard. She had been there ever since she got home from work, an hour earlier. Maven worked the afternoon shift at Saturdays, Johanna learned.

She approached her friend slowly, not wanting to startle her out of her line of thought, and touched a hand to her shoulder. She took her eyes away from her books and looked at her, surprised.

“Maven, I’m so sorry to ask you this, but could you do something for me?”

“Sure, what is it?” She asked with a frown.

“I need to be at Mrs. Boyle’s in five minutes. Could you look over Hilda while I’m away? It shouldn’t be long, she didn’t ask for much.”

Maven tilted her head. “I’m really not sure I’m fit for this job.”

Johanna brought her head to the back of her neck, scratching it. “She’s just playing at the moment. You just need to watch over and make sure she doesn’t swallow anything or accidentally hurts herself. You can bring your books and continue studying at my room, if you want.”

She still looked uncertain, but at least it looked like she wasn’t going to downright object. “Well… I took care of a newborn cousin for a few days when I was a teen. I think I can manage not to traumatize her for life.”

Johanna smiled at her. “Thank you. Please call me if anything happens, okay? I’ll come right away.”

“Okay.” She answered, and just like that she was left alone in her own house with a baby to take care of.

_#_#_#_

“Hi, baby. I guess I’ll be taking care of you for a few hours.”

Hilda looked at her when she entered the room, blinking at her with her wide, round eyes, and breaking into a toothless smile after a few seconds. Maven couldn’t help but smile back at her.

She had brought one of her textbooks with her into the room, planning on reading through the chapter and writing down any doubts she had to research later, but now that she was actually near the child she should be watching over, she didn’t feel at all too comfortable with the idea of focusing on anything other than her. Johanna had trusted her with the most important person in her life, she could not let her down with this.

She sat down on the floor, leaving the book on the bed, and realized that Hilda was still looking at her, her brightly coloured toys forgotten in the floor around her. “Um… you have some nice things here. I guess.”

There was a red plastic rattle by the pillow in which Hilda was propped on, and Maven put her hand inside the playpen to pick it up. The baby’s eyes followed her hand, suddenly very interested in the toy even though she had been ignoring it the second before.

The librarian gave the rattle a shake, filling their ears with riotous sound. Hilda smiled once again (and how adorable, Maven though, how much this girl smiled) and brought her hands together with glee. She continued playing with the rattle, bringing it closer and further to Hilda and watching the baby’s expression change, unable not to giggle at her joy over such a simple thing. She had to admit, though this girl looked like her father, she was every inch her mother, and Maven hoped she would continue like this.

Maybe, with time, Maven could begin to associate cyan hair with good things.

_#_#_#_

It had taken some questions to the graphic design students she found on campus and a lot of luck, but she had found Johanna. She was talking to a girl Maven didn’t recognize as she left the classroom after a lecture, behind the stream of people who had been anxious to leave.

A nervous feeling settled in Maven’s stomach as she walked closer. Ever since they had broken up, she hadn’t heard from Johanna. Not a text, not a bump in the university’s corridors, not even a ride in the same wagon of the train, so it was abundantly clear to Maven that Johanna did not want to see her, and she thought the least she could do was respect that. But Johanna deserved to know.

The knowledge that Johanna and Torrin were dating had reached her not long after they broke up. She had overheard two of her old classmates talking at the library and picked that up from the conversation. On hindsight, she shouldn’t have been so shaken. She should have seen it coming, really, with the way that things had been going, but the moment she heard about it she very nearly dropped the heavy stack of books she had been carrying, and had to lock herself in the library’s bathroom for some minutes in order to put herself together.

It hadn’t surprised her too much that Johanna had chosen Torrin. Once Johanna decided someone was worth the effort, nothing could stop her. What had put her off at the time was that it had taken so little time for her to begin dating someone else. She probably had already been in love with him even when they were dating, and that hurt. But now it didn’t matter what they had been to each other before, now Maven needed to warn Johanna before she found herself in danger.

When Johanna noticed her, out of the corner of her eye, she said her goodbyes to the girl who had been talking to her, telling her she’d meet her later for tea, and the girl walked away. Maven watched her leave, and when she was out of earshot she turned to Johanna.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

Johanna frowned, her posture clearly speaking of unease and tension. “What is it?”

Maven looked around, making sure no one was listening to them. “Torrin tried to attack me on Friday. I was walking, and I passed by a bar where he was drinking with his friends.”

Johanna’s face was serious, but not startled. The librarian continued.

“He followed me, and when I turned back, he pushed me. Then he tried to slap me. He didn’t really hurt me, I think he was too drunk to properly have control over his limbs, but he wanted to, and I think you should know this about him.”

Maven had been expecting anger from her friend. This was the same Johanna who would never let anything happen to the people she cared about, she had been expecting her to feel betrayed, or at least concerned by her boyfriend’s actions. She had not been expecting her to look down at her feet and answer quietly.

“I’m sorry, Maven. I wish I could believe you, but Torrin warned that you’d tell me that”

Those words were like a bucket of cold water on Maven’s head. Of course he had said so. “Johanna, please believe me. You’ve already seen him do things like that before. You must remember the sort of pranks he liked to play on my mother.”

Johanna looked up sharply, looking angry at last. “That was before. He has changed, Maven. He just needed someone to give him support and show him he was wrong. He is a good person now.”

Her fierce defense of him left Maven gaping. “Then how do you explain what just happened?”

Johanna but her lip, taking a breath before answering. “You must be lying. I don’t want to believe you’d do this to me, but… it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Maven gasped. “What would I even get by lying to you?”

Johanna swallowed. Ever since her parents had found out about Maven and her and began warming her against her friend, she had been looking for proof. She wanted to see with her own eyes that what they were telling her was real, because it didn’t really feel like it was. But this was it: the proof she had been waiting for. Maven was trying to tear them apart.

When Torrin had told her about the confrontation he’d had with Maven on Friday, Johanna hadn’t blamed her. Gods knew Torrin had been a jerk to her in the past, so Johanna couldn’t blame her for yelling at her boyfriend. But when he told her that Maven would want to blow it out of proportion, she hadn’t thought that he was right. Maven was nothing if not discreet. But here it was now. He was right.

Johanna shrugged. “You want us to break up, don’t you? You never liked him.”

“Of course I want you to break up! Forgive me if I’m worried about my friend dating a violent drunk!”

“Maven, please. I know you’re lying. I know what you’re trying to do. I don’t want to fight with you.”

Maven blinked. She realized, with a lot of sadness, that Johanna would stick by Torrin. There was nothing she could do if she wouldn’t believe her. She swallowed past a lump in her throat.

“Very well. I see I won’t get anywhere with you.”

She turned on her heels and began walking away. Johanna breathed a sigh of relief. She had been right. Maven had all but admitted she had been lying. She was still staring at her back, watching her go away, when her friend turned back to her with sad eyes.

“Anna? If you ever need help…” she stopped, thinking about all the stories she heard on the news about women who misplaced their trust on their partners. “You can come to me. Goodbye.”

After that, she turned around again and walked away with a quick stride, as if she was afraid of being in Johanna’s presence for much longer, as if something bad would happen if she were. And maybe it would.

_#_#_#_

Johanna walked into the room to find herself looking into one of the most peaceful scenes she had seen all month. Sweet, classical music flooded the room while Hilda slept peacefully on her stroller, with Maven hunched over a book by her side on the bed.

The librarian looked up when she heard the door opening, her lips turning upwards in response to Johanna’s own smile. “So, I take it everything was okay?”

Maven nodded. “She’s a very good child. She wanted to play but she barely gave any trouble at all.”

The librarian closed her book and got up from the bed as quietly as she could, walking over to Johanna. “I changed her diaper but I don’t really have a lot of practice with this. Maybe later you should check if I did that right.”

Johanna snorted as Maven rubbed her neck sheepishly, and reached inside her pocket for the money she had been given for her work. “That’s okay. Thank you so much for taking care of her. Here.”

She tried to press the few bills into her friend’s hand, but she hesitated. “Are you sure you don’t want to keep it? You’re the one who earned it.”

Johanna closed Maven’s hand over the money, making her take it. “I still have some of my own. And you’re doing so much for us already, I can’t let you provide for us alone.”

Maven looked at the money, and then at her face. “Help should be freely given.”

Johanna tilted her head and smiled at her, glancing at her sleeping daughter and the children’s book that had been left on the bed, a clear sign that Maven had been reading to her. “It is being freely given. I’m just trying to help as well.”

Before she could think too much and stop herself from doing it, she bent her head forward and pressed a quick kiss to Maven’s cheek. As she drew back and looked at her friend’s wide, surprised eyes, she couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Just stop being so proud for a moment, okay?” She teased with good nature. “Thanks to you, we’re fine. And I want you to be fine as well.”

Maven’s face began to melt into something less like shock and more like contentment. “Okay. That’s something I can do.”

“You should go to sleep now.” Johanna said, moving past Maven to drop her coat on the bed. “It’s very late.”

Maven rolled her eyes. “Goodnight, Johanna. You get some sleep as well.”

“Goodnight, Maven.” She said as her friend left the room. “Thank you for everything.”

[partyinthemysterymachine]

Get Out Of My Town

Ch. 1/?

Harry was back in the town he’d swore he’d never lay eyes on again, and saw in his fitful nightmares.

It hadn’t changed much, he thought. The fog was still so thick that it was hard to hear anything other than his own breathing. It muffled the entire atmosphere. The scrapes and grunts that came from beyond the veil kept his brain in a guessing game with itself; was it just his imagination, or were those noises real? 

He walked the broken white line in the middle of the road. In his hand he clutched a rusted pipe - a weapon that seemed to be dutifully waiting for him after all these years, sitting on a bench that greeted him upon entry to the town. Silent Hill was alive and conscious, as it always had been, as he hated to think about. There was a static in the air that felt excited. The hair on the back of his neck stood to a strange humid warmth in the midst of all this, well, mist. Harry could sense the jittery eagerness of the unknown and ungodly that wanted to welcome him back into the tragic, deadly fold that was Silent Hill.

Of course, he was here for the only reason he endured its hell in the first place. He sighed, looking into the boarded up shop windows and peeling signs as he passed them. His poor girl. This town was obsessed with her. He would give his life over and over for the rest of eternity for her to be left alone and live a normal, healthy life. 

Instead, Silent Hill repeatedly tried to wedge its way back into their lives and steal her away again. The reason he was here meant that it may have succeeded and he would, again, collect his daughter and take her home. 

Harry thought about Silent Hill more often than he liked. He remembered its streets, the school, the hospital, the basements and the houses. He recognized the other side of some of these streets as he walked them, but soon found himself in an area he was unfamiliar with.

Curiosity piqued and senses alert, he cautiously wandered the new section of town. Strangely, and reeking with dangerous foreboding, he had not yet encountered a monster. He heard them in the fog, and saw nothing. 

As a veteran of Silent Hill, this did not sit well with him.

The asphalt gave way to cobblestone as he approached a park. A park! The hedges were neatly groomed and the grass seemed maintained. Harry would have appreciated it if he were anywhere else, perhaps, since here it just rang wrong. He curiously followed the path, and as a wide walk bordered by chipped railing came into his view, he realized he’d found the lake.

Harry approached the railing and peered over into the water. There was nothing to see under the mist. He looked right - past an abandoned hot dog cart - and then left. He was about to turn back when his brain caught up to what he saw out of the corner of his eye (a figure, a dark and horrible hulking figure, just behind him within view, ready to jump him), and Harry quickly swung around.

His heart was thudding in his throat when he found that the monstrosity he thought he saw was in fact just a man. Just a man, sitting on a bench, staring into the fog as though he wore blinders. He didn’t see Harry, and he didn’t seem to even see what he was looking at. He sat there, very still, and very pale.

Harry was an empathetic man. Finding another person stranded in Silent Hill was simultaneously relieving and worrying. He didn’t want to think about what happened to the other people he’d met here. They always reminded him when he closed his eyes. 

With his pipe held low and as unthreatening as he could, he slowly approached the lost soul on the bench. The man was so pale and his face was so forlorn. His dirty blond hair was styled fashionably for 1999, and he wore a dark green jacket that looked military, while its owner did not fit the type.

He tried to edge slowly into the man’s line of sight. “Hello?” he said gently, getting closer. “Hello, I don’t mean to bother you, but I was wondering if you were okay.” 

He frowned, seeing that he wasn’t yet making an impression on this faraway fellow. Harry gripped the pipe firmly, just in case he was to be duped, and leaned down to try to meet this man’s vacant eyes.

That’s when the foggy green irises lifted and Harry was engulfed in a wave so heavy with sadness that he nearly rocked on his heels. His brows knit in concern, and he braced his hand on his knee.

“Hey. You okay buddy?” No response. He looked like he was trying to process what Harry was, much less what he was saying. “My name’s Harry Mason,” he continued, hoping to prompt a similar reply.

“Hi.”

Oh, good. He was cognitive. Harry smiled, and opened his mouth to greet him for a third time, when he was cut off. “Are you a tourist?”

“No, uh, not exactly,” Harry replied, laughing. “I’m looking for someone, actually. But I’ve been here before - uh, the town. I’ve been to the town, though this is a part I’ve never seen before,” he said awkwardly, then looking out to the lake. “It’s a nice view, though. Shame about the weather, huh?”

When he looked at him again, he was held in a curious stare by foggy green eyes that were soaked in defeat. Harry felt a pang of guilt for a reason he couldn’t explain, and again tried to smile at the nameless patron. He was given no kind mirroring. The attempt at friendliness began to fade, and his eyes dropped to the ground. 

Harry wasn’t being given much to work with. As much as he would have liked to help he was in a rush to find Heather, but he felt torn. He couldn’t just leave this guy here without having some idea that he was going to be okay. He appeared to be totally lost to the winds and that worried him; he would feel horrible if something happened and he’d turned his back. Harry tried to smile again. 

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Who are you looking for?”

Finally, they were getting somewhere. The guy was waking up. “My daughter. Her name’s Heather. She’s about, oh, this tall,” he demonstrated with a wave of his hand, “and she has short blonde hair. She’s seventeen. She’s a real sweet girl, handling being a teenager with effortless grace.”

The sarcasm didn’t go unappreciated, and Harry was pleased to see that the wretched man could smile. It brought a wide grin to Harry’s. “I haven’t seen her,” he was told. “I’m sorry. A lot of people go missing here.”

“Yeah,” Harry sympathetically agreed. “This place isn’t like any normal town.”

“That’s for sure.”

Harry watched his eyes return to the lake. He straightened his posture and winced; he wasn’t getting any younger, and he was really regretting putting off that massage appointment that he won at an art faire raffle. He swung his pipe arm and stuffed the other hand into his jacket pocket. 

He studied this odd young man. He didn’t look much older than 27. The entirety of him was haunted and exhausted. It’s possible he was a native of Silent Hill. It made Harry sad to think about her. He still remembers that she was probably the last good thing about the town before it went to complete shit. She was young too. Though it was only two he’d met so far suffering seemingly the same fate, it really felt like too many people. Too many people were being eaten from the heart outward in this shithole. That poor girl.

Poor, sad Lisa.

Harry twisted, and looked down at the stranger. “Well, I’m going to have to get going. You be careful out there, okay, uh..? What was your name?”

Their eyes met again. “James. James Sunderland.”

“James. Be careful, okay? I hope I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah. You too. I’ll keep an eye out for your daughter. She sounds nice.”

“Thanks. She means the world to me,” Harry said, offering a final smile as he began to retrace his steps. “I just want to get her home safe.”

James nodded. “I think that’s what any of us would want.”

Harry didn’t really know how to respond to that. He lifted his hand to wave, and received one in kind, and so he turned away. Behind him, James had turned his attention back to the lake.

How sad that young, blonde women were often lost here. The town ate them up like Easter candy. It was cruel and unfair, and James had been through this dialogue over and over so many times that he let it run in his head like an episode of a sitcom at midnight.

Behind all that noise, something else was itching in the crevices of his head. That man was important. Very important. The town was as excited to see him as much as it hated him. The fog thrummed with malicious energy. Silent Hill wanted to simultaneously swallow Harry whole and forcibly eject him. James could feel it all. He couldn’t know why it felt this way about Harry Mason. It was just so strong that he nearly felt vertigo when he stood up.

James began to walk in the opposite direction of where Harry departed. He was going to help him find his little girl. He didn’t like the way that Silent Hill changed when Harry arrived. He’d felt the shift immediately, and now understood what had caused it. He had to get him, and his daughter, out of this town.

Unfortunately for him, Heather hadn’t arrived yet.

But they didn’t need to know that.

pt 2//pt 3//pt 4//pt 5//pt 6//  series on AO3