#the algorithm may try to control me but my mind was empty from the beginning

[aiweirdness]

How to begin a novel

Last year for National Novel Writing Month I trained a neural net called torch-rnn on 10,096 unique ways to begin a novel. It came up with some intriguing possibilities, my personal favorite being “I am forced to write to my neighbors about the beast.” But many of its sentences used made-up words, or had such weird grammar that they were difficult to read, or meandered too erratically. (“The first day of the world was born in the year 1985, in an old side of the world, and the air of the old sky of lemon and waves and berries.”) The neural net was struggling to write more than a few words at a time.

This year, I decided to revisit this dataset with a larger, more-powerful neural net called GPT-2. Unlike most of the neural nets that came earlier, GPT-2 can write entire essays with readable sentences that stay mostly on topic (even if it has a tendency to lose its train of thought or get very weird). I trained the largest size that was easily fine-tunable via GPT-2-simple, the 355M size of GPT-2. Would a more-powerful neural net produce better first lines?

One of the parameters I can tweak when I’m getting a trained neural net to generate text is temperature - this controls whether the neural net chooses the most likely next bit of text as it writes, or whether it’s permitted to use its less-likely predictions. At a default of 0.7, a relatively conservative temperature, the neural net’s first lines not only make grammatical sense, but they even have the rhythm of a novel’s first line. This is DRAMATICALLY better than torch-rnn did.

I am, or was.

At the mid-day meal the sun began to set and the quiet dragged on.

There was once a man who lived for a very long time; perhaps three thousand years, or perhaps a thousand million years, maybe a trillion or so, depending on how the scientists look at it.

He had the heart of a lion, and the fangs of a man-eater.

"I am Eilie, and I am here to kill the world."

The old woman was sitting on a rock near the sea, smoking a pipe.

I have just been informed, that the debate over the question 'is it right or wrong to have immortal souls' has been finally brought to a conclusion.

When I was a boy, I was fond of the story of the pirate god.

He had a strange name, and he was a very big boy indeed.

The purple-haired woman came to the clearing in the plain, and without looking up from her book, said, "It's too late to be thinking about baby names."

The village of Pembrokeshire, in the county of Mersey, lies on a wide, happy plain, which, in a few years, was to become known as the "Land of the Endless Mountains."

I don’t think the neural net plagiarized any of these? They are so good that I’m suspicious. But others of the neural net’s lines are even weirder, yet in an effective way that opens with an intriguing premise.

The moon had gone out.

I was playing with my dog, Mark the brown Labrador, and I had forgotten that I was also playing with a dead man.

The black stone was aching from the rain.

The short, dirty, and dirty-looking ship that weighed three tons and was three feet in diameter landed on a desolate and green plain.

How many times have I had the misfortune to die?

The first black dog in the park had been captured alive.

Behold the Sky Rabbits!

In the belly of the great beast that was the bovine Aurore there lived, upon the right hand of the throne, the Empress Penelope; and she had, as it were, a heart of gold.

The moon stood on its own two feet.

The reeking maw of the blood-drunk ship, the enemy's flagship, was silent and empty.

The first day I met my future self, I was aboard the old dirigible that lay in wait for me on the far side of the moon.

The child of two cats, and a tiger, a clown, a horse, a bird, a ship, and a dragon, stood on either side of the threshold of the Gatehouse, watching the throng of travelers who came in from all around the world, before he had any idea what was going on.

I think it’s probably doing this accidentally, stringing likely words and phrases together without understanding what any of them really mean. It’s not that it’s good at science fiction or magical realism; it’s that it’s trying and failing to predict what would have fit in with the usual human-written stuff. Some of the neural net’s first lines really betray its lack of the understanding of the laws of physics. It really likes to describe the weather, but it doesn’t really understand how weather works. Or other things, really.

The moon was low in the sky, as though it had been shipped in from the farthest reaches of the solar system.

The first star I saw was a blue one, which became a scarlet one, and then a gold one, and green, and finally a yellow one, which for some years afterwards seemed to be an ebony one, or even a bubbling mass.

The sun rose slowly, like a mighty black cat, and then sank into a state of deep sleep.

The sea of stars was filled with the serenity of a million little birds.

The great blue field was all white, swept away by the blue-gold breeze that blew from the south.

The sky was cold and dark, and the cold wind, if it had not been for the clouds, would have lashed the children to the roof of the house.

The morning sun was shining brightly, but the sky was grey and the clouds aching.

The night that he finally made up his mind to kill the dog, the man was walking home from the store with his wife and child in the back seat.

Arthur the lion had been pretty much extinct for some time, until the time when he was petted by Abernathy the old woman, and her son, Mr. Popp.

One of the disadvantages of having a neural net that can string together a grammatical sentence is that its sentences now can begin to be terrible in a more-human sense, rather than merely incomprehensible. It ventures into the realm of the awful simile, or the mindnumbingly repetitive, and it makes a decent stab at the 19th century style of bombastic wordiness. I selected the examples above for uncomprehending brilliance but the utter tediousness below is more the norm.

The whites of my eyes shimmered, as if my mind were dancing.

I once went to a party where the dress code was as strict as a chicken coop with no leggings and no boots.

A black cloud drifted by, a mottled mass of hydrogen, a black cloud of hydrogen, with the definite characteristic of being black.

I say I am at sea, because I am standing upon the ocean, and look out across the barren, vast throng of the sea.

It is, of course, a trifling matter in the ordinary course of things, if a certain writer were to write a novel, which is a book of stories, which is a book of characters, wherein every detail of the story is stated, together with a brief description of the theme which it concerns.

There was a boy with blue eyes, with sandy hair and blue eyes that looked at all times like he had been pushed through a million compartments.

The Sun, with its rolling shaft of bright light, the brilliant blue of the distant golden sun, and the red glow of its waning corona, was shining.

The man who was not Jack the Ripper had been promoted four times in the last two years.

Felix the Paw was sitting at the table of his favorite restaurant, the "Bordeaux" in the town of Bordeaux, when his father, Cincinnata, came in to say good-by to the restaurant.

It, sir, gives me the greatest pleasure to hear that the Court be not too long in passing away: but that I may have leisure to prepare a new work for the publication of my friend and colleague, the renowned Epistemology, which is now finished; and in which I shall endeavour to show, that this very point is of the highest importance in the subject of the philosophy which I am about to treat of.

It was a rainy, drizzling day in the summer of 1869 and the people of New York, who had become accustomed to the warm, kissable air of the city, were having another bad one.

Repetitiveness is also common, especially at this conservative temperature setting. Once the neural net gets itself into a repetitive state, it doesn’t seem to rescue itself - it’s a problem that people have noticed in several versions of this algorithm. (It doesn’t help that I forgot to scrub the “title” that someone submitted to the dataset that consists of the word “sand” repeated 2,000 times)

The sky was blue and the stars were blue and the sun was blue and the water was blue and the clouds were blue and the blue sky was like a piece of glass.

At the end of the world, where the tides burst upon the drowned, there exists a land of dragons, of dragons, which is the land of the dragons.

It's the end of the world, it's the end of the world, it's the end of the world, it's the end of the world, it's the end of the world, you're dead.

There was once a land of sand, and sand, sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand sand

Increasing the temperature of the sampling would help the repetitiveness problem, in theory, letting the neural net venture into more interesting territory. But at a temperature of 1.0 the text tends to venture out of everyday surrealism and into wordy yet distractible incomprehensibility.

The praying mules on the top of the hills sounded the final klaxon, lifting their spiked front hoofs as they crept the last few feet of desert landscape past the crest of the enormous swathe of prehistoric sand.

In the glen of the Loch is a ladder that winds way up through a passage to a ledge with soft, moss-laden environmental standards.

Someone whipped a dead squash gibbet across the room, like some formidable war lord unleashing a heavy hunk of silver at home.

One blue eyed child stood up and cried out: "Douay, saurines, my Uncle – Fanny Pemble the loader!"

Jud - an elderly despot, or queen in emopheles, was sitting across the table from the king, looking very thoughtfully into the perplexions of the proceedings.

Oh, you're a coward little fool, as if you couldn't bear to leer at a Prunker or white-clad bodyguard quickly emerging from a shady, storm-damaged area of the city.

Hanging presently in his little bell-bottomed chamber on the landing-house, early in the morning, the iron traveler sat on a broad-blonde sandbricksannel blanket outside the gate of a vast and ancient island.

Long, glowing tongues trailed from your mouth as you listened to what was being said across this kingdom of ours, but growing a little more somber since the week that caused us to proclaim general war.

The night I first met Winnie the Pooh, I had sat in the Tasting-House and heard the Chef unpack the last of the poison upon his quiet dinnertable.

There is, of course, no perfect setting at which the neural net churns out sensible yet non-repetitive first lines. There are just varying shades of general awfulness, interspersed with accidental brilliance.

No matter how much you’re struggling with your novel, at least you can take comfort in the fact that AI is struggling even more.

I generated all the neural net sentences above using a generic “It” as the prompt that the neural net had to build on (it would usually go on to generate another 20-30 sentences at a time). But although the sentences are independent in my training data, GPT-2 is used to large blocks of text that go together. The result is if I prompt it instead with, say, a line from Harry Potter fanfic, the neural net will tend to stick with that vein for a while. I've included a few examples as bonus content for subscribers.

Update: I now have a few thousand unfiltered examples of neural net-generated first lines at the GitHub repository where I have the original crowdsourced dataset. Themes include: Harry Potter, Victorian, My Little Pony, and Ancient Gods.

My book on AI is out, and, you can now get it any of these several ways! Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s

[possiblyimbiassed]

John’s wedding is a crime scene - Part V

I’ve already talked a lot about what ‘crimes’ might have been committed in Sherlock’s ‘reality’ around John’s wedding in TSoT, so now I think it would be interesting to analyse some events that might have lead up to these ‘crimes’, and also how Sherlock might interpret them in his Mind Palace. 

This idea occurred to me after a new discussion surged regarding Part IV of this meta series - a discussion which you can find here (X). (To anyone who prefers to start from the beginning of the series, here are the previous parts: Part I, Part II, Part III). In one of the additions, @lukessense was talking about TLD and asked the following questions:

Sherlock gets beaten by John, because he blames him for killing Mary and asks him if this is a game to him (Sherlock thinks he ‘killed’ Mary because he…flirted with John? Or what is the game here? The game of not confessing? The game of unanswered questions about their feelings?).

These things have been puzzling me too, and I’m not sure about the answers in any sense. The following is just my very subjective opinion, and there could certainly exist a lot of alternate explanations. But I’ll try to lay out my view of it all here - in an emotional context - and see how S4, in particular TLD, can relate to John’s wedding and to other events before it.

The Macho Game

Continued under the cut

First of all: what is ‘The Game’ we see played out in the show actually about? I think The Game is basically between Sherlock and John and it’s about not admitting to (romantic) emotions; it’s a sort of ‘macho’ game where the first one to show the ‘weakness’ of being in love with the other one loses. They can dance around each other for ages, but none of them will lower their guard first and risking the harsh destiny of unrequited love and abandonment and consequently be seriously hurt (’killed’) - risking to have their heart burned.

In Sherlock’s view, to fall in love is to lose all power and control over your own life - hence the constant death metaphor for it in his mind. To confess to feelings is to bare your throat to the attack of the ���enemy’ - and the enemy is Love; in Sherlock’s eyes the culprit of much of the suffering in this world.

Why is this ‘game’ so important to maintain for Sherlock? Because emotions is such a scary, unreliable and stigmatising thing, especially between two men, and they have to be kept at bay. I think Sherlock is against them on the surface because they interfere with the logical reasoning in his work, but in reality he’s scared as h*ll of them because of his childhood (and maybe youth) traumas. I would guess something really bad happened to him, probably involving Victor Trevor and maybe also his parents.

Sherlock’s aim is to be on top of all that, to never feel doubt of his own capacity and to never give in to the dangerous dominance of emotions. His way of doing this has unfortunately been to repress all affectionate emotions which he sees as a threat. But this ’strategy of survival’ has also damaged him gravely. And inside himself, a part of him is still fighting against it.

My view of John is that he has probably been raised in a homophobic and even abusive ‘macho’ environment/family and been taught to look down on LGBTQ people, hence his gay sister’s problems with alcohol. He’s a very reserved guy who rarely talks about how he feels. He struggles with the duality of his sexual orientation and with fear of society’s condemnation of the gay side of it (”people will talk”). He may think he has a ’liberal’ view of these things (”...which is fine, by the way”), but John also believes he needs to live up to conventions and social expectations, at least on the surface, in spite of never actually having his heart in it.

John engages in this ’macho game’ with Sherlock because he’s also very confused about his own emotions. On one hand he’s both sexually attracted to and deeply in love with Sherlock, but on the other he’s afraid of what these feelings are doing to him. He thinks there’s ’something wrong’ with him for feeling this way about Sherlock. But he’s also an adrenaline junkie; he can’t resist danger. His worst nightmare is to openly confess his (romantic) love to Sherlock, only to then be abandoned by this ’un-feeling psychopath’ and left with the stigma of coming out, but with no-one to support him. I see it as unlikely that John will make the first move to break this ’dance’, unless he has reason to feel sure about Sherlock being there for him.

False conclusions

Now, even if S4 is all composed of Sherlock’s dreamed/imagined scenarios inside his Extended Mind Palace, I don’t think we can interpret everything we see in them as his ’gained wisdom’. In science, scenarios are never more accurate than the data you put into the model, or than the algorithm you use to run the scenario. And these being dream scenarios with no support in ’reality’ (in this case John’s blog) prevents us from using common logics to interpret them; the metaphors are mixed and many-layered. And all the events we see in S4 are fabrications, but maybe partly based on things that did happen before, which Sherlock’s brain now uses in ’new’ situations for the purpose of analysis. Also - and this is important - some of it may show us Sherlock’s mistaken conclusions - he might actually be wrong. :)

As for the hug scene in TLD, I think Sherlock still believes that John really wants to be the guy Mrs Het Norm Mary expected him to be, but he can’t and that’s why John starts crying at the end of the scene. When the truth is that John just can’t play this ridiculous game anymore; it has made him a liar and a cheater and it’s eating him up from the inside (and destroying his character on the meta level).

This has most probably to do with internalised homophobia, but I don’t think Sherlock has realised this just yet (because they both have it internalised). If Sherlock and John had sex on the stag night, then yes; maybe Sherlock (subconsciously) believes he thereby destroyed John’s protection from exposure. He ‘killed’ Mary, he ’broke the spell’ by making John cheat on her, and the result is a depressed John. 

All of this is conclusions that Sherlock reaches first in TLD, after having run this whole scenario about John’s psychological motivations. (And I don’t think Sherlock is aware that his brain keeps running scenarios; he thinks everything in S4 actually happens). I have tried to describe my view of TLD in my meta series ‘What happened to Sherlock’ (X). All seems back to normal after the hug scene, but the problem is that TLD still ends with John being shot, so the problem has not been solved. Which propells Sherlock into his next mental scenario, TFP, where he finally has to confront his own emotions and traumas.

But I think the hug scene in TLD is false - at least partly - because it shows us a John whom it is very hard for Sherlock to comfort because of John’s self-loathing. I actually don’t believe the ‘real’ John would tell Sherlock that “it’s not okay” when Sherlock for once is there for him emotionally and actually offers him something as intimate as a hug. The ‘real’ John would take this opportunity without hesitation and hug him back. But Sherlock misinterprets his own data; he thinks this is all about John’s love for Mary, and his mourning after having lost her. While in ‘reality’ (where Mary may not even be dead) I think John is hoping for precisely this; he’s waiting for Sherlock to show his cards first. But this would mean that Sherlock first has to embrace Sentiment. 

All in all I think Sherlock is a very empathetic person who cares deeply about people, especially those closest to him; he is by no means a ‘psychopath’. In fact he uses empathy as a method of crime solving; he puts himself in another persons’ shoes to see what he would do in that situation (and this comes directly from canon). This way he often manages to reason backwards to reconstruct what has happened. The problem with Sherlock’s analyses, though, is that he actively tries to avoid considering emotional aspects. His fear of certain emotions sometimes leads him in the wrong direction. 

Why the beating?

So what about John’s beating of Sherlock in the morgue in TLD, where he blames Sherlock for killing Mary? This scene is outright horrible to watch and very difficult to understand. Disarming Sherlock and make him drop the scalpel is one thing, but how can Sherlock even dream that John would assault his best friend and kick the sh*t out of him while lying defenseless on the floor? For something that he didn’t even do? This is so absurd that I strongly suspect something else is going on. But here we must remember that this nightmarish scenario, as well as many others, might be based on things that have actually happened before; things that might have lead to the oddity of John’s wedding becoming a ‘crime scene’. 

So let’s use Sherlock’s empathy methods on himself here, and try to analyse how Sherlock might have interpreted certain things that lead to the situation in TSoT. Because I think this is basically what Sherlock’s brain is trying to do in TLD, even if he still doesn’t actually ‘get it’. :P Which, by the way, is smoothly illustrated by this interchange between Mycroft (= Sherlock’s Brain) and Mrs Hudson (= Sherlock’s intuition? His heart?) in TLD:

Before beginning I want to point out that in my view most of the things we see happen in the show (especially after TSoT) represent Sherlock’s lively interpretation of what John has written on his blog. So in order to understand the beating in TLD, the first thing I would do is look for any kind of beating accounted for by John on his blog. And yes; there is of course this one in the blog post The Empty Hearse (X):

John actually admits publicly that he did beat up Sherlock in a restaurant, and then he goes on to wave the whole thing away without even a shred of remorse. Trying to look at this through Sherlock’s logical eyes (where emotions are repressed), I get the impression that John thinks this was a perfectly OK thing to do, after Sherlock’s little ‘joke’. It’s as if John were saying, in big macho style: “Don’t mess with Captain John Watson, Sherlock, because this is what happens, see? Sneaking up on me like that, you’ll get what you deserve.” 

In fact, this whole blog post stands in stark contrast to what John had written about Sherlock when he thought he was dead. Instead of honouring Sherlock’s memory, now he talks about “Sherlock Bloody Holmes” and “I know he's a psychopath and I've accepted that, but...” And also that “he hadn't trusted us enough to tell us what was really going on. Not sure I'll ever truly forgive him for that”. And “he comes back into my life which means I find myself being attacked, kidnapped and stuck in a bonfire”. In this blog post, the only redeeming quality that Sherlock seems to have in John’s eyes, apart from his crime solving, is that he offers John a chance to help with it, which means danger for the adrenaline junkie. “He’s like a drug”. And John finishes with stating that Mary “is the best thing that's ever happened to me”, addressing it directly to Sherlock with a smiley.  What is Sherlock supposed to make of all this?

I can understand that John is upset and appalled by Sherlock’s seemingly heartless nonchalance in just appearing before him like a ghost and behave like John’s years of grieving were all but a joke. But once he had assaulted the guy (thrice, if we are to believe the show’s version), why still this intense resentment? Why wasn’t it even enough to ‘vent’ by hitting the guy? Hadn’t he begged and hoped that Sherlock by some miracle would still be alive? 

Apparently, now that Sherlock is back from the dead, all John’s emotional defenses immediately snap up again like a protective wall and the 'macho game’ is on once more. But unfortunately I don’t think Sherlock gets this, because it’s about Sentiment, and it has to do with him and John. Sherlock probably wouldn’t look at it that way.

But my point is, that this is what Sherlock’s subconscious is trying to tell him through the comatose scenarios in TLD: ‘Mary’ is dead because Sherlock has effectively destroyed John’s heteronormative façade. 

And when did this happen? Well, it probably began when Sherlock suddenly returned from the dead; by that he managed to explode John’s carefully crafted little bubble of ordinary life. Or - more accurately - he blew up his little bubble of heteronormative life; he started to ‘kill Mary’. Hence John’s deep resentment; he was losing ‘the game’. But the biggest blow would have happened around John’s wedding, I think. Because if they actually did end up in bed after a wet Stag Night, this would have been the ultimate proof, wouldn’t it? The final evidence that Mary was not the best thing that could have happened to John, that this was just some BS that John was trying to hide behind. 

John’s cover would have been blown, but he still proceeded to marry Mary Morstan as if nothing, making Sherlock feel like a trash can, only worthy of abuse. I even think there is some more evidence of this in John’s comment to his own last blog post about the Mayfly Man:

So John tries here to legitimise his own conduct, right? A married man who wanted some one-night stands. It might be significant that Sherlock doesn’t even comment on this blog post, but after the wedding he simply hacks the blog. No wonder that Sherlock’s scenarios in HLV, TAB and S4 would be dark and cynical then, is there? No wonder Sherlock calling himself “a sociopath who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high“. No wonder him calling it “surgery” when Mrs Het Norm ‘Mary’ skillfully cuts out his heart.

But the thing is, that John’s useless marriage could most probably have been avoided if Sherlock had been frank and honest to John about his feelings for him in the first place. And it’s still not too late; the ’crime’ can be reversed. I still have good hope that Sherlock will eventually reach that point in S5 by finally recognising the importance of emotions and take on the real criminal here: homophobia.   

Tagging some people who might be interested:

@raggedyblue​ @lukessense​ @sarahthecoat​ @gosherlocked​ @ebaeschnbliah​ @sagestreet​ @tjlcisthenewsexy @loveismyrevolution

[smilingformoney]

America’s Most Eligible 3 Diamond Scene: Cram Sesh with Jen

You: First impressions are crucial. I’ve gotta find Jen! Wrenn: Good luck, Jamie. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

You walk into the living room to find Jen chatting with Mackenzie, Derek, and Adam. Jen: I’m so nervous, I changed six times this morning! Derek: That’s… Mackenzie: Insane? Adam: A workout? Jen: I’ll take option C… All of the above. You: Glad to see I’m not the only one who’s nervous. Before we meet the parents, we should prep each other for what to expect. Jen: Count me in. Derek: If there’s a chance of finding out what makes you two tick, we want in. You: We’ll take all the help we can get. Let’s meet on the roof in five.

You, Jen, and your friends regroup on the roof. As you all settle in around the table, you turn to look at Jen. You: Okay… Tell me everything I need to know about your parents. Jen: Are you kidding? I wouldn’t know where to start! Mackenzie: How about the beginning? After all, Jamie’s gonna need to know your family inside and out if she’s gonna make a good impression. Adam: That might take a little longer than we have. Adam: You should start with how well you get along with them. Whether you see eye-to-eye can say a lot about a person. Derek: That’s a good idea, but this is also about making Jamie feel comfortable meeting them. What do you want to know, Jamie? You: As important as it is to know about Jen’s relationship with her family…

You: I really just wanna know… -Whether they approve of me.

You: Between the craziness in the mansion and the producers’ editing for drama, there’s no telling what they think! Jen: Everyone knows you can’t trust anything you see on TV. Nobody’s gonna judge you for that.

-How I can impress them.

You: Meeting the parents is hard enough without trying to appeal to a demographic. I need a cheat sheet! Derek: Hmm… I see your point. There’s gotta be some advice Jen can give you…

Mackenzie: Jen, you know your family better than any of us. What do you think Jamie should know about them? Jen: Uh… None of my uncles have pinky toes… You: Wait, what? Adam: As interesting as that is, I don’t think it’s gonna help Jamie today. Jen: I’m sorry. There’s so much I could say, I’m blanking on what’s need-to-know. Derek: What it help if Adam, Mackenzie, and I go first? It’ll give you an example of what’s important… Mackenzie: And Jamie can learn more about our families too. You: Works for me. Why don’t we start with…

Whose turn is it? -Mackenzie!

You: Tell me about your dad, Mackenzie. Is he as cool as your little sister Natalie? Mackenzie: Cooler. As cliché as it sounds, I’ve got the best dad in the world. Mackenzie: Right from the start, he never saw me as anything less than his daughter. He’s patient, easy to talk to, kind, selfless… Mackenzie: Basically everything my mother isn’t. You: Whoa… I’ve never heard you mention your mom, Mackenzie. Jen: On your audition reel, you said you grew up with a single father. Mackenzie: I did. My mom left us fifteen years ago. No note, no explanation, just an empty closet where her clothes should’ve been. Derek: That had to be terrible. Mackenzie: It was worse for Natalie. My dad was a mess, and she didn’t understand what was happening. I had to take care of everything. Adam: But you were just a kid! Mackenzie: That’s why he asked me to stop helping. He said it was like watching his worst fear come true. You: I can see why. It’s obvious…

You: He was worried you would… -Waste your life taking care of everything else. +BACKGROUND

You: You were just a kid! That’s an impressionable time to take on such a huge responsibility. Mackenzie: I thought handling it all alone made me strong, but my dad taught me that my constant strength helped everyone but me. Mackenzie: His favourite thing to say is, ‘Strength is for workhorses and machines. You’re only human, Mackenzie.’ You: Wise words.

-Flunk out of school. -BACKGROUND

You: There’s no way you’d have been able to do that and keep your grades up. You’d have never made it to law school! Mackenzie: I’m sure that crossed his mind, but I think he was more afraid I’d feel obligated to take care of him forever. You: Wow, Mackenzie. Were things that bad? Mackenzie: Bad enough that I’d gotten used to being strong for all of us. But my dad wanted to see me become more. Mackenzie: I think I got my determination from him. You: I’m sure you exceeded his expectations.

-Derek!

You: What’s the most important thing to know about your parents? Derek: Probably that they’re polar opposites. My dad’s a fun-loving, free spirit from Colorado… Derek: While my mom’s more of the practical type. She was born in Haiti and immigrated to the U.S. as a kid in the ‘70s. Mackenzie: That’s so cool! Jen: I’m sure it has its moments. Having immigrant parents can be complicated. Derek: I love having that connection to our culture, and I’ve even gone to visit where she grew up… Derek: But it made me realise how much she sacrificed for us to have the life that we do. Derek: Sometimes, I feel like anything less than success is letting her down. Adam: That’s a lot to put on one person. You: Especially when there are so many different types of success. Derek: not in her book. Doctor, lawyer, engineer… Those are the careers she wishes I’d join. Derek: And I’ve thought about it. I know it would make her happy, but…

You: But you… -Don’t want to pretend to be someone you’re not. +BACKGROUND

You: You may be an analytical genius, but I’ve seen your work. You belong in the arts, and you know it. Derek: I love my mom, and I know she just wants me to be stable, but living a rich and fulfilling life takes more than money. Derek: Sometimes, all I need is to good around with my friends. You: The best way to honour her sacrifice is with your happiness. Everything else will come.

-Don’t think you’d be good at it. -BACKGROUND

You: Those careers are prestigious for a reason. There’s no shame in admitting you’re not up for the challenge. Derek: I developed an algorithm that accurately predicts the next AME winner ninety-two percent of the time. I can handle the work. Derek: It’s just not who I am. I’m at my best when we’re hanging out and goofing off… not working eighty-hour weeks. You: Alright, smartypants. You have a point.

-Adam!

You: Give me the lowdown on Mama and Papa McIntyre. Adam: Well, their hearts are in the right place, but my parents are massive worrywarts. Adam: Though I guess that’s my fault. After the way Season 9 ended for me, I wasn’t really in the best headspace. Mackenzie: I don’t see how you could’ve been. Vince and Sierra’s plan was brutal. Jen: That was the night the Bad Boy of AME was born. Overnight, you were like a completely different person. Derek: I saw clips of your time in the Jury House. You were cold, man. You: If you became someone they didn’t recognise, that’s enough to make any parent worried. Adam: Once they saw how guarded the show made me, it turned them against reality TV. If they had their way, I’d have never stepped foot on set again. You: But you’re so much better now! You: If nothing else, AME showed you who your real friends are. They’ve gotta at least see that. Adam: I think it’s been hard getting that image of me out of their heads. Before, I was their perfect, loving son… Adam: Now, when they look at me…

You: All they can see is… -Their little boy. -BACKGROUND

You: Parents can have a hard time seeing their adult children as anything other than the kids they used to be. Adam: Not in this case. You guys weren’t the only ones chipping away at the wall I put up. My parents just never realised it had fallen. You: That has to be frustrating. Adam: They mean well. My dad actually suggested I should be more like you. He thinks you’re the perfect role model. You: Smart man.

-The wall you put up. +BACKGROUND

You: And it’s like they can’t get past it. Adam: Exactly. The way they look at me… I just feel like they’re waiting on the other shoe to drop. You: They aren’t going to hate me because you came back for the wedding… Are they? Adam: Not a chance. Before I left, my mom mentioned it would be good for me to be around someone as open as you. You: Then I’m glad to be of service.

Jen: Okay, I think I’ve got the hang of this. You: Perfect. So tell me… You: Were your parents strict growing up? Jen: That’s one word for it. My dad was in the military, so discipline and order were always the priority. Jen: He and my mom wanted the best for me, but living like that placed duty over fun. I always did what I had to, never what I wanted. Adam: That had to be tough. Derek: I can’t imagine having to toe the company line even as a kid. Jen: It’s part of why I wanted to be a flight attendant. We moved because someone said so. They flew because they were free to. Mackenzie: Not to mention you’d be in control of the snacks. You: when you put it like that, it sounds like a perfect fit. What changed? Jen: Everything. Jen’s eyes water, and her gaze falls to the floor. You watch her wipe away a tear and reach out to hold her hand. Jen: My dad was killed during his deployment, and after that, nothing was the same. My mom, especially. Jen: She stopped caring about my homework and encouraged me to do things I loved. It’s how I found producing. Jen: When I asked her why, she said losing my dad put everything into perspective.

You: Sounds like she wanted you to… -Love your work. -BACKGROUND

You: But I don’t think she meant for you to bring it home with you. Jen laughs through her tears. Jen: I think she just wanted me to see that there was more to life than work. Jen: I’ve always been passionate about every project I’ve taken on, and she wanted me to live life that same way. You: I think we can call that mission accomplished.

-Live life to the fullest. +BACKGROUND

You: You attack everything with pure passion, Jen She just wanted you to have a life that you were crazy about. You: I’m sure they both did. Jen: There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss him, but I know he’d be proud of me. You: One thing’s for sure… I know I am. Jen: Thanks, Jamie…

-Reclaim your childhood. -BACKGROUND

You: You said yourself you didn’t do the things you were passionate about. Maybe she thought it was time to change that. Jen: It was never about going back. We both realised the past was the past. My mom was just a different woman. Jen: Losing the love of her life made her realise we have as much of a duty to ourselves as to anyone else. You: That’s… one hell of a silver lining.

Jen: Now, if I could just convince my mom I’m not working too much, I’d be golden.

You: Jen… -I can’t believe I didn’t know that. +50

You: We’ve known each other for almost a year, and this is the first time you’ve ever mentioned any of that. Jen: There’s a lot of things we still don’t know about each other, but that’s the beauty of getting married. Jen: We’ve got the rest of our lives to learn them.

-Thank you for sharing that with me. +50

You: I know being vulnerable isn’t easy. I’m just happy you trust me enough to let me in. Jen: You’re gonna be my wife. I feel like I can tell you anything.

Derek: This has definitely been a bonding experience. You: I never would’ve guessed any of the things you guys told me. You play it pretty close to the vest. Mackenzie: You’re one to talk. You’re the biggest mystery of us all. You: Me? I’m an open book! Jen: I wouldn’t go that far. You’ve heard all about our families, and I don’t even know your mom’s name! You: That’s easy…

Her name is… [Name your mom]

Jen: Diana… Well, that’s one less thing to worry about. You: You have nothing to be afraid of. Once she sees how happy you make me, she’ll welcome you into the family with open arms. You: But if you really want to get on her good side…

You: You should… -Compliment her!

You: Whoever said that flattery could get you anywhere must’ve had my mom in mind. Jen: Time to turn up the charm. I’ll keep an eye out for just the right moment.

-Mind your manners!

You: My mom is a stickler for all things prim and proper. Jen: Good to know… I guess I’ll have to be on my best behaviour.

-Dote on me!

You: My mom has been spoiling me for years. She’ll want to make sure my future spouse can keep up the trend. Jen: Spoil you rotten… Got it!

The heavy metal door opens, and Wrenn pokes their head out. Wrenn: It’s showtime. Are you all ready? You: As ready as we’ll ever be.

[long-bodyswap]

Oh brother

(don’t have the credits)

Chapter 1“Did you see that play?!” Macky asked me as he lovingly hugged me in his arms and lifted me into the air after scoring the winning touchdown.  He was being borderline too affectionate, and I had to hiss at him to let me down when he instinctively tried to kiss me.   “Bro!  We’re in public!  Put me down so we can take pictures.  You’ll get your reward later!” I hiss playfully into his ear.   He begrudgingly puts me down as we pose for some photos together.   “Hey Andy.” “Yeah, Bro?” I answer. “You’re the best little brother ever.  I just wanted you to know that.  I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but I know what’s gonna be getting into you when we get back to the house.” “You’re the best big brother ever.  I love you, and I’m so happy to give you your victory fuck.” He gives my ass a playful squeeze, risking getting seen in public.  The element of danger makes it so hot.  Fuck yeah, I can’t wait to get back to the house.  You know, Macky sure is right- I’m the best little brother ever…or I would be if I actually was his little brother.   3 days agoSo my name is Shane and I’m just your typical gay guy who’s hopelessly in love with the high school quarterback.  I’ve never even flirted with him, but maybe I’ve had one too many lingering glances at him because Macky seems to have sniffed out my adoration.  And the worst part is for as much as he gives me hell, I don’t stop feeling this way.  I just have an instinct that he’s secretly gay, but just can’t admit it.  Either not now or not to me (the only openly gay guy in our high school) because physically I’m just not in line with his desires.  I mean after all, he’s a toned, strong, football jock and I’m an overly thin, bony, computer nerd.  I try to keep the extent of my research a secret because the nerd shit is just another bullet that Macky uses against me.  Unknown to him though, and the entire world, I may have invented something that could give me the chance to finally get close enough to him to see what he’s really like.  The running name for the prototype is Project Transfero, short for the Latin phrase, Transfero Transtuli Translatum, meaning “to transfer.”  Hey, I didn’t say poetic prototype names were my specialty.  But anyway, this device I have built will allow me to transfer my consciousness into another human being and dominate their body and mind.  If my calculations are correct, I will have access to their memories and abilities in an intuitive manner whilst still maintaining all of my essence.  I will upload my old, empty body with a basic artificial intelligence program I designed that mimics my most recognizable behaviors.  To friends and family I will appear to be completely normal, though I have severely hampered the AI’s intellect so as to avoid any technological conflicts in the future or a scary Terminator doomsday scenario.  I also have a secondary program that will surely come in handy.  But I digress… Earlier today I was thrilled beyond belief when opportunity came directly to my locker.   “Hey.  So word’s gone around you got a perfect score on the SAT.  Andy is taking the PSAT next week and I was wondering if you could help him out.  The kid’s pretty bright, but I bet a little bit of your influence and he’d be a National Merit Scholar.  I already talked to him, and he’s cool with this even though I have some concerns…” “Not a problem, Macky.  Tell him to come over at 8pm.” “Look, I appreciate your help.  I really am grateful, but…no funny business if you know what I mean…” “We’re crystal clear, Macky.  We’re just turning your bro into a national merit scholar, that’s it.” He awkwardly thanks me again before walking off to rejoin his football bros.   “Shit, that was the scariest/best moment of the week.” I speak to myself aloud.  Project Transfero is officially in motion.  “Oh we’re gonna make Andy a National Merit Scholar alright.  I’m pretty sure Andy’s gonna rocking out from now on…”As agreed, Macky’s little brother arrived at 8 pm on the dot.  He seemed exactly like a mini version of his older brother, just maybe 2 years and a growth spurt behind.  I could still instantly see a fine and sexy young man in the making.  Andy…I’ve always loved that name; it just rolls off the tongue nicely.  I invite him inside and to my relief he is a much gentler and sweeter soul than his brother.   “I want to thank you for helping me, and sorry about my bro.  He’s just over protective because our dad walked out on the family when we were young.  The guy’s only two years older than me, but he has always felt like he had to step up and take over the father role.” “That must have been tough,” I try to say nicely and thoughtfully as I hide my grin.  “Say, can I get you a drink before we start?” “Oh a sprite would be awesome man!  Thanks.” “Oh, not a problem at all,” I reply as I run to the kitchen, pour two glasses, and top his off with a clear and tasteless fluid.  Andy gulps his whole drink down right away, and I struggle to contain the excitement building up inside me as he begins losing consciousness.  His dose was sufficient that he doesn’t even process the likelihood of a spiked drink.  There is no struggle.  Instead he just says he needs a nap and plummets into a deep sleep.  Fuck.  Yeah. “ungggg…what the?  Where am I?” Andy asks groggily. Finding himself strapped to a table, he begins pulling at his restraints, soon realizing they are unbreakable.  “Dude What the fuck?!  What is this shit?!  HELP!  SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!” “Andy, I wouldn’t waste your energy.  You’ll need it if you want to put up a good fight,” I say as I finish up the final touches on the software settings.  “I hope you know this isn’t personal.” “OH MY GOD!  Are you gonna kill me?!  Is this because of Macky?  I promise he’ll be nicer to you!  Just please let me go!” “I have every intention of letting you go…once we’re done here.  Say, have you ever heard of that old saying ‘Always want what you can’t have?’” Andy doesn’t respond.  He just grits his teeth as he ferociously struggles to pull out of his straps.   “Andy, don’t worry.  This will all be over soon,” I let him know with a soothing tone as I try to place the helmet contraption on his thrashing head. “No Dude!  Get that thing away!” Andy can see that the helmet device is connected to my computer terminal.  He probably thinks I’ve built some sort of electric chair.  I like a little bit of struggle, but this is just ridiculous.  I go and grab a little solution that I concocted a while back.  It’s basically a fluid that can be sprayed like an air freshener, but breathing it causes temporary relaxation of both body and mind.  I put on a respirator, spray the thrashing Andy, and wait for the fumes to dissipate before safely removing my mask.   “Fuck man!  WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!   You won’t get away with this.  You can’t-not gonna win-son of a –piece of shit-kick your-just wait til Macky hears-stop….” And Andy’s pupils suddenly widen as he stops tugging against his bindings and just lays like a good boy on the table, breathing deeply and slowly.  “What are you going to do to me?” He asks, completely tranquil and struggling to focus on the severity of the situation.   “Just focus on how good you feel right now.  Okay, Andy?” I say as I step up onto the adjacent table and begin fitting my own helmet.   “Wait, why do you have a helmet?” Andy asks softly.   I just finished fitting the device to myself and that’s when I insert my mind-clone AI chip into the secondary input slot so it can be downloaded and run my body after my consciousness is done transferring.  “Sometimes people do crazy things for love, maybe even unethical things,” I say before clicking the launch button.   3… “Please, Shane…” 2… “What are you…” 1… “Stop…” BOOM! My head feels like a swirling hurricane as I feel myself losing my gained knowledge.  Algorithms, code, chemistry, biology, all of that is leaching out of my mind as it is ruthlessly downloaded into Andy’s brain.  I try to remain calm, but Andy is feeling overwhelmed by the sheer rush of knowledge.  In spite of the relaxant, his adrenaline is reviving his panic as he howls out and yanks on his restraints again. “NO PLEASE!  It’s too much!  I CAN’T!” he yells as he tries in vain to shake the helmet off. I continue to feel my mind hollowing out as my preferences and personality traits begin transferring into Andy, leaving me numb, but having a different effect on Andy… With all of my knowledge and research he has realized what I have built and what is happening.  He begins crying as he realizes that in a matter of minutes he will be completely possessed by me, but as my preferences and personality are downloaded into him he stops struggling and notices his cute and toned body all sweaty from his struggle.  He knows he’s supposed to like girls; deep inside he’s always been compassionate to gays, but also 100% straight.  None of that matters though as he gives in to new desires to touch himself and appreciate his body from a whole new point of view.  He begins groaning as he desires to rub his lean abs and cup his balls while pumping that well-endowed cock just so he can taste his own man juices as they shoot out of his cock like water out of a super soaker-he whines and curses his restraints as he tries in vain to touch himself.  Andy reaches new heights of arousal as all of my vivid sexual fantasies about possession, mind control, etc. enter and reprogram him.  This formerly struggling cutie is now thrusting his hips into the air, helplessly thinking about cute boys, gay sex, the rush of possession and being reprogramed by my essence…even the thought of getting his brother’s cock up his virgin ass.   “Oh Fuck yeah!” he shouts between pants as he keeps grinding his hips into the air.  “Yeah!  Fill me up!  Take me over!  Make me better!  Use my sexy boy body to get the best dick in town!  Oh YEAH!  You’re gonna get my cherry popped by Macky’s juicy cock!  You’re gonna use my cute bubble butt to milk his juices out of his cock!” Andy is shivering in pleasure and ecstasy, overwhelmed by the constant flow of data.  Finally, I black out as the final phase initiates and my consciousness begins transferring.   Andy is howling in delight as his back arches and he knows what’s coming.  My consciousness is downloaded into his brain as his central nervous system adapts to a new resident.  Andy moans out in ecstasy as the computer screen flashes to green, TRANSFER SEQUENCE COMPLETE.  But at the last minute he has a moment of clarity as I begin unlocking Andy’s memories and personality, ensuring that they will be available to me.   “Wait-this isn’t right.  This is wrong!  WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME?!  GET OUT OF ME!  PLEASE MAN!!!!  YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF ME!  DON’T DO THIS!  YOU CAN’T- UNNNGGGGGGG!!!!”  He screams loudly as the pressure in his balls builds and he knows he can’t control what’s coming.  His toes are curling and his fists are balled tightly as he strains in a last act of futile resistance.  The moment right before he blows his load, my vision comes into clear focus, seeing through Andy’s eyes and hearing his hollers of pleasure leaving my mouth as I have my first orgasm in his fit body.  “OH FUCKKKKKKKK UMMMMMMMYEAH!” I shout as I writhe helplessly as my new cock pours a sea of hot cum into these gym shorts.  Fuck!  This dick didn’t even get touched a single time!  Oh My God! I’m laughing in joyous laughter, feeling my hips thrust with every spurt of warm cum and shouting out every time I feel Andy’s dick seize up.  Oh I want nothing more than to reach down and taste my new juices, but my restraints are frustratingly effective.  Right as I relax my arched back and begin riding this wave of orgasmic afterglow, I see my old body open its eyes and undo the straps on the helmet.  Perfect.   “Hello, Master.  Everything has gone according to plan,” My old body says in a monotonous tone. “Well, this was unplanned,” I say pointing at my cum soaked crotch, “But I’m not complaining.  Anyway, do you understand your programing?  It’s time to act like Shane.  I didn’t mind clone myself for nothing.  And call me Andy.” My old body’s face remains blank for a second or two before finally his facial expression perks up and his vocal tone matches my own.   “Hey Sorry about that Andy.  I’m ready to fill in and put on a good show for everyone.  So anyway, what can I help you with?” the new Shane asks with convincing humanity.   “Well, for starters you could unbind me.  And get me a clean pair of shorts.” I say with a giggle and a wink. I make the short walk back to Andy’s house after getting cleaned up- decided to save my full body examination for Andy’s personal bathroom.  It really is crazy- I have all of myself intact, but I have all of Andy’s knowledge and memories available to me.  I can literally see the layout of his house flashing through my mind.  I’m upstairs, last room at the end of the hall to the left, far enough away that nobody will hear some light moaning.  I know that because I can remember Andy locking his door and beating off this already thick and long cock to internet porn.  Lots of tits and pussies filling his browser history.  Better get used to dicks and ass, buddy! I walk in the side door of my new house and Macky hollers from the kitchen: “How was it?” “It was great!  Learned a shit ton.  That PSAT is toast.” “No funny business right?  I don’t wanna have to have a long, painful chat with Shane.  And- wait what are you wearing?” “Bro?  haha shorts and a tee.  Dude, you should go get your eyes checked.” “Nah man, you wore your favorite shorts tonight.  The red ones that you’ve won so many 5k’s in.  Did  Shane-“ “Don’t worry!  I just spilled a sprite all over myself.  It was my bad, and Shane was nice enough to lend me some spare boxers and shorts.  The guy’s even washing my soiled clothes.  You’re really too hard on the guy sometimes,” I say convincingly as I run up the stairs and crash into Andy’s room, practically a tornado of motion as I try to rip these clothes off so I can worship this fit body.  Fuck, being that close to Macky without him being all homophobic is making me so damn hard.  Right as I slip out of these boxers and find myself nude on Andy’s bed I peer over at the clock and see it’s midnight, meaning it’s officially the first day of the rest of my life.  God, how can I be this hard after that load I blew earlier?!  Gotta take care of that right now! Chapter 1.5We’re done with all the pictures and I’m riding shotgun with Macky, who is still elated after scoring the winning touchdown.  Normally he’d shower with the rest of the team, but he practically carried me to the car, bent on getting home ASAP.   “Are you sure you don’t wanna shower with your bros and celebrate your win?” I ask him as we cruise along the road to our home.   “You’re the only bro that matters and we’ll be celebrating, alright,” he says with a wink that makes me blush.  I’ve been in Andy’s body for 3 days now, and I’m already realizing this was the best decision I’ve ever made.  I flash my now older brother a devilish smile before I reach a toned arm over and grab his thick man meat, massaging it with my soft hands and enjoying the feeling of it growing in my grip. “ohhhhhhhhhh fuck….Andy that feels so good.  Wait, we should-“ “Start celebrating right now” I interrupt as I lean over at the redlight and grab his face, forcing my tongue into his mouth and enjoying this passionate kiss as he explores my mouth also.  “I know you’re good for more than one round of celebration” I tease him as I slide my hand into his football pants and grab his rod and begin stroking him.  I know he can’t wait any longer when he’s moaning like a bitch in heat as he thrusts into my grip on his cock.   “Oh fuck bro!   GOD YEAH MAN THAT FEELS SO GOOD!” Macky shouts as I begin sliding his 8 inches into my mouth and down my perfectly relaxed throat.  He surprises me when he involuntarily thrusts the last 2 inches into me, immediately bringing my lips down to the base of his cock, forcing me to take in the sweaty man odor of his trimmed bush.  I breathe it in gladly as I get ready for one hell of a car ride home.  He grabs at the T-shirt I changed into, letting me know how much my mouth pleases him.  2 Days AgoThe clock just hit midnight which means this is the first day of the rest of my life.  Fuck, I’ve gone from the bony computer nerd to the toned and future jock star little brother of Macky, the formerly unattainable subject of my affection.  But laying here in Andy’s bed, having just implanted my knowledge, personality, and consciousness into his brain, fully possessing him, I feel like anything is possible.  Anything except for these damn socks.  Fuck, I’m trying to kick em off without reaching down to use my hands, but these little suckers just aren’t cooperating.  I smile having a memory flash into my head of Andy having the same struggle until finally- shoop- I get that sucker off and kick it off the side of the bed.  God damn, finally, I’m completely naked laying on Andy’s bed.  With a chance to take it all in I take a minute to close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling of Andy’s soft sheets on his golden skin.  Getting curious, I swing my feet off the bed and walk over to Andy’s bathroom and stand before the full length body mirror.   Right before I can dive into my exploration, Andy’s or I mean my, phone vibrates so I walk over to the bed where I left the phone and see a text of a screenshot snap from a friend.   Oh how fucking ironic.  I chuckle and roll my eyes playfully before returning to the bathroom and looking straight into Andy’s eyes.  I really love his prominent eyebrows, so I work on using them to make all sorts of ridiculous expressions, making him look concerned, Sherlock Holmes inquisitive, angry, sassy, and everything in between.   “God, puberty is a beautiful thing,” I say aloud, enjoying my new voice and seeing a flash of what Andy looked like not too long ago in the form of a memory with his older sister.   Oh yeah, thank God for puberty.  I laugh some more, enjoying Andy’s not fully developed voice.  It’s not fully developed yet, but it has an indisputable masculine quality that still retains just a shred of boyish charm.   I look back into the mirror and taunt Andy a bit. “You didn’t put up much of a fight, eh?  I’m thinking you wanted me in here all along.  Yeah?  That your kink?  You always wanted someone else inside you, using your body to do this?” I say as I begin lightly caressing his face, using Andy’s mouth to seductively suck on one of his fingers.   “Oh you’re just a little whore inside aren’t you?  Yeah, little player, huh?  Bet you never thought you’d be doing this I bet. Unnggggg dammmnnn yeah” I moan as I clamp my eyes shut and toss my head back, enjoying the feeling of Andy’s sensitive nipples being stroked by his soft fingertips.  Oh yeah I start circling them, already feeling my breathing pick up, but then my whole body twitches a bit as I grab one of those perky nipples and give it a good pinch.  “Oh fuck!” I hiss as I feel Andy’s dick twitch.  I use my left hand to go back and forth between both nipples, pinching and twisting and pulling enough to send sparks through my central nervous system, occasionally just grabbing the whole pec and rubbing the developing mound of lean muscle.  My right hand does a full survey of Andy’s left arm, feeling every toned ridge of his lean triceps down to his strong forearms from doing lax and football, just like Macky.  Soon I’m running a hand along Andy’s chiseled abs, enjoying the way they feel as I run my hand along them while taking deep breaths. “Mmmmmm yeah, you little punk.  These are mine now.  This body is mine now.  Thanks for being so athletic you little twink.  I can’t wait to see what your abs look like when you’ve got a thick cock cumming in your hole.  You’re gonna be using all the strength in your body to clamp that dick where it belongs- balls deep inside you.  Oh fuck yeah!” I taunt as I spit on the mirror and enjoy watching Andy lick up his own saliva off the mirror.  I’m getting so hard so fast now!  In seconds, Andy’s dick is standing at 7 full inches and nice thickness.   “This is mine now!” I shout as I grab that man meat and stare Andy’s reflection in the eye again.   “This is my cock and I’m gonna use it whenever I want and however I want!  Yeah, you little whore.  You just love it when I stroke you like THIS!  Oh MOTHERFUCK!  YEAH MAN!  You’re dick is great! Unnnnnggggg Yeah!” I yell as I thrust into this skilled grip.  Holy crap, I’m still using the left hand to tweak these sensitive nipples and it feels even better now that I’m jerking Andy’s cock like this!  I rub that hand over these abs which are popping like crazy now that my hips are thrusting like this.  Mmmmm yeah, Andy’s lean, but strong thighs look so nice right now.  And I fucking love his legs.  Those calves are perfect.  Strong, but lean and toned, just like the rest of his body, but he’s got a nice coat of dirty blonde hair trailing up his legs and up his thighs, getting lighter and lighter until it barely meets Andy’s trimmed bush.   Fuck!  I’m getting close!  I leave the bathroom and hop onto the bed, dick pointed straight up as I grab Andy’s cock again and begin thrusting desperately into my grip, grabbing at the sheets with the other hand and curling my toes as I scrunch my face up in one orgasmic expression of pleasure as I pump the holy fucking shit out of Andy’s cock.   “Ohhhhhh FUCK you feel so good Andy!  I fucking love your body!  GOD DAMN MAN Wooooooo” I gasp as I thrash my head around on his bed, hyperventilating and finally feeling his balls tighten.  Damn this feels so much better than that first orgasm.  I quickly grab Andy’s balls with my left hand and begin massaging them right as my back arches, throwing me into the air, as every muscle seems to contract at once and the first shot of cum flies and lands perfectly in my gasping mouth!  I quickly swallow Andy’s delicious cum and try to scream, but no sound exits my gaping mouth!  I just writhe and squirm, trying to comprehend how good this feels as shot after shot of hot cum coats my lean chest and abs.  I finally let go of Andy’s dick and just stare in amazement as this dick just keeps launching cum.  Right as Andy’s cock finally stops this insane orgasm I black out from the pleasure, overwhelmed by my first ride in Andy’s sexy body.  I wake up just a few minutes later, happy that the cum is still warm from being on my burning hot torso.  Shit, I’m still breathing like I just won a 5k and I’m sweating like a pig.   “That was awesome” I coo as I scoop Andy’s cum into his hand and ruthlessly devour it, sparing no drop.  “Andy, even your cum tastes so fucking good.  God you’re such a perfect little stud.” I say aloud as I lay in bed and think.After enjoying my afterglow I decide to shower and resume the primary goal- to pursue Macky now that I’m inside his hot younger brother.   Chapter 2“OH FUCKKKKKKK!!!!” Macky shouts as he dumps endless rivers of cum down my throat.  I hungrily eat every last drop, making sure that whatever didn’t get dumped directly down Andy’s throat is immediately consumed.  Macky is shivering with pleasure and giddy joy and I actually have to grab the stearing wheel because he doesn’t see that truck that just slowed down.  “Holy Shit Balls that was close dude!” Macky shouts, breaking out of his euphoria.  We both laugh together and he just says, “We’ll have to practice the road head more. I’ve gotta work on my focus,” he tells me with a wink as he reaches his hand and grabs my firm rod through the silky fabric of these shorts, firmly gripping and massaging the rock hard mound trapped in this compression underwear.  He keeps rubbing me until a wet spot forms on my compressions, a nice healthy flow of Andy’s precum as well as my squirming body and attempts to keep my moaning under control let Macky know how much I want him, how much his loving brother, Andy, is turned on by him.  When he slips his hand into these compression shorts and wraps his strong fingers around Andy’s marble hard cock, he knows this cock is hard because I want his body and his dick cumming inside me as our sweaty bodies are grinding all over one another.   He looks at me intently, squeezing, massaging, stroking, jacking my cock as I flash him a smile, gasping for breath and ask him, “Are we there yet?”“Bro, you better be a good boy.  You ask me that again and I’ll pull this car over right now and we’ll start on the side of the road,” Macky says with wickedly cute mischief.   I just lay back and relax, moaning in appreciation as Macky expertly pumps my cock, bringing me closer and closer to shooting a load all over his new car.  Fuck, that would be hot!  Then we can both lick it off together.  Mmmmmm God, I love Macky, but I love possessing his little bro, Andy, even more!2 Days Ago… After that amazing orgasm in Andy’s body, I decide to shower and explore some more, enjoying the feeling of the hot water rolling off of Andy’s skin.  After drying off and doing some sexy faces at my reflection I decide to get dressed.  Hmmmm a memory flashes into my head of Andy and his two siblings.  I guess the guy has a safe sense of style. I’ll start introducing my affinity for bright colors and neon into his life eventually, but not this week.  I just want to blend in and get some one on one time with Macky.  Luckily, big sis is already in college, so I don’t have to worry about her ruining my fun.  For now, I remember that Andy and Macky had been planning on going to a game today- the memory of getting the tickets a few months back flashed clearly in my mind.It’s really too bad that my new parent, Andy’s stepdad, couldn’t end up going with us on the big day, but that’ll just give me more one on one time with Macky.  Mmmmmmm yeah, some one on one time is exactly what I need to set this plan in motion.  I go back to Andy’s bathroom and expertly navigate his cabinets and drawers, finding the randomly scattered things like toothpaste, deodorant, some hair product, etc. Before I start, I take a whiff of Andy’s underarms.  Mmmmmm such a delicious boy odor.  I take another sniff and then I just all out huff in as much of Andy as I can, eventually licking these pits clean, tasting Andy’s funkiness with his own mouth.  I need more!  I grab a pair of Andy’s dirty underwear from a run and hold it against my face, sniffing in the musk and getting hard in the process.  I look directly in the mirror as I continue breathing in Andy’s scent, eventually moaning in satisfaction as I rub the filthy underwear all over my body. Mmmmmmfuck- I manage to stop myself before I get fully hard.  Better wait til later!  I just have to resist temptation and finish getting ready, so I pop the deodorant cap and do a teenwolf style play bite at my reflection.  I feel so powerful and sexy as I do something as simple as roll deodorant on Andy’s underarms.  “Yeah, you can’t even do this for yourself.  You need someone like me inside you to do it for you!” I playfully lash out at the mirror.  I grab some of Andy’s underarm hair and try to mentally measure those coarse dirty blonde waves.  “Not a boy, but not yet a man.  Oh you needed me inside you to make you a man,” I laugh some more at my taunts.  Mmmmm even something as ridiculous as putting Andy’s deodorant on can feel so empowering.  I bet this’ll never get old!  Still elated from doing Andy’s morning routine, I quickly do a mental survey of his bathroom and realize I was going to be bringing about some positive changes.  “Really, man? No facial cleanser?  I mean, overall you’ve been blessed with good skin, Andy, but we’re gonna do every little thing we can to keep you perfect.  I’m gonna get a good moisturizer to use on your face because I plan on preserving your boyishly cute good looks for as long as I possibly can.  And I’m digging your robust eyebrows, but I’m gonna get a good pair of tweezers to make sure they’re kept neat and clean looking.  Several memories flash through my head of Andy complaining about all this shit I’ve mentioned being too girly.  My new mom had the right idea, trying to get Andy on board with skin care, but to his core he always resisted, insisting it’s not what guys do.  “Well, Andy, it’s what YOU do now!” I exclaim as I smirk at his reflection, sensually licking one of his fingers and sucking on it, adding more and more fingers until my mouth is full enough to practice for Macky’s thick cock.  I know it’s thick because Andy has several memories of seeing that beast, not up close, but in various locker room and quick clothes changing scenarios.  Ohhhh but now that I’m inside Andy, he’s gonna be getting really up close and personal with some brotherly dick!“Andy!  Hurry up!  We have to leave now or parking’s gonna be a nightmare!” Macky hollers from downstairs.  Shit, I’ll have to scheme later.  Time to be a good brother I think as I grab some clothes and run downstairs. Thank God it’s Saturday!  Nothing like spending some quality time with MY older brother.   As I walk outside I realize Macky and I are almost matching.  We’re both decked out in Navy Blue with our Georgetown hats and ready to enjoy a good game.  Mmmmm Macky is looking extra on point today.  Just from watching him I can see I have a lot to look forward to growing up in Andy’s body.   We hop in Macky’s car and the drive is kind of quiet and awkward, so I decide to do some probing.  “So have you heard back from that Shane guy?” I ask, trying to stir the melting pot of repressed frustration.“I don’t want you to get help from him anymore.”“But, why?  He was super helpful, and really nice to me.”“I just don’t trust the guy.  I mean you know about him right?”“It sounds like you don’t trust yourself,” I blurt out.  “And what is that supposed to mean?” Macky asks a little shaken and caught off guard.  Andy’s memories flash through my head as I respond.“Bro, you hardly ever hang out with your girlfriend.  I never even see you guys texting or messaging or anything.  I’ve seen you around some of your buds, and when you bring your guy friends over you get really touchy.  There was one time where I borrowed your laptop and a porn site was still on your browser, but there wasn’t any pussy or tits…” I say with fake concern in my tone.  Wow, Andy really repressed a lot of dirt on his big bro.  I’m honestly so frustrated as I sift through Andy’s memories and see that he basically dumped all this incriminating evidence in the Just a Fluke/Better Not Bring It Up part of his mind. Jesus.“Andy….I…Uhhhh…I just clicked the wrong link. I-““Hey.  Bro,” I say looking him dead on, “I want you to feel comfortable telling me anything.  You’ve been such a good big brother all these years.  It’s about time I repay the favor.”“Andy, it’s not like that.”“You know I’m here for you.”“Bro!  Just chill.  It’s not like that.  Okay.  Thank you for extending open arms and all, but I’m not gay.  That’s just wrong.  And I don’t hate gays, I just don’t want that guy Shane to get any ideas in your head.” Oh that guy Shane got wayyyyyy more than a few ideas in Andy’s head I think to myself with mischievous satisfaction.  I decide to let up on my probing, feeling all the more convinced that Macky is a melting pot of repressed homosexual desire.  As I doze off for the rest of the car ride I make sure to spread Andy’s legs so my crotch is in plain view.  I don’t even need to open my eyes to know that Macky is sneaking glances. It would be pointless to fight the grin emerging on my face, as I twist Andy’s face into one of satisfaction, so I just ride with it.  Maybe deep down Macky’s hoping I’m having a fun dream about him.  Once we arrive and get the car parked we immediately run into one of Macky’s best buds, Ben, who takes a pic of Macky and me.  You can see what I meant earlier when I said we were accidentally matching.  And I’ll be God damned if I’ve ever seen two bros who looked more all-American and adorable.  The game is pretty boring, even for the part of Andy’s mind I have at my disposal, so I kind of zone out, cheering when Macky does and just going through the motions.  But then I see how I can spice up my afternoon. I’m going to test the limits of Andy’s cuteness, so I start making lingering eye contact with Ben, enjoying his nervous fidgeting and blushing cheeks.  My sick perversion of Andy’s usually cool and “bro” self continues as I look directly into Ben’s eyes and slowly bring my hotdog to my mouth and lightly lick the end of the meat before opening wide and slowly shoving in as much weiner as I can in a single bite.  I even close my eyes and lean my head back slightly, making Andy look like a cock hungry gay boy for the whole world to see.  Luckily, Macky is actually trying to follow the game intently, so he doesn’t see me using Andy’s mouth to put on a show, or the tenting emerging in Ben’s pants. He gasps, unable to control his urges as he picks up his phone and begins frantically typing.  Just a few seconds later I feel Andy’s phone vibrate and open it to find an old selfie and a message from Ben.   LET’S FUCK!  BATHROOM!  PLEASE!I suck in a deep breath from shock and quickly look at him and shake my head no.  I lie and write to him: I’m seeing someone.   I don’t consider this a lie because I plan on making Macky mine…all in good time.  For now though it’s just me, Macky, Ben, and a new message with an irritated frowny face and the word TEASE!  You better not tell anyone or I’ll fuck up your world! I just smirk at him with Andy’s cute face and message him back: Don’t forget who has the leverage here.   At the same time I raise Andy’s phone and show him the photo and dirty message he sent.  It was like Check and mate.  I do let him know though if things don’t work out he’ll be the first guy I call.  This seems to brighten his mood, but deep down I know there’s nothing worse than false hope.  Mehh…what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. We get back that Saturday night to an empty house- Just Macky and me for the rest of the weekend since the folks are off on some Napa Valley excursion.  It’s pretty late now, and Macky seems pretty tired so he retires to his room.  I follow and pop into his room as he’s in the middle of changing and catch him shirtless.  God, this is what I’ve dreamed of for so long, to be this close to him and see that built torso, so strong from football and training.  I want nothing more than to grab one of those meaty pecs and suck on his nipples until he shivers from satisfaction.  “Hey bro, you need something?” he asks.“No, but you do,” I say sensually as I slowly walk up to Macky and lightly run one of Andy’s fingers over his pecs.  To my surprise, he doesn’t resist.  “Andy, I-““Shhhhhh,” I coo as I place another finger gently on his lips, shutting him up and forcing him to suck on my finger as I playfully force Andy’s digit into his mouth.  With the hand still on Macky’s pecs I begin circling closer and closer to those hard nipples until I reach those sweet spots and begin stroking and lightly twisting back and forth between them both, making him gasp in disbelief as his inhibitions diminish.  Macky closes his eyes as I bring my lips to his.  We have a long moment where we just stand close to one another, eventually having a moment of long eye contact.  Macky’s mind seems wracked by conflicted wants and desires, but finally he gives in and leans towards me, opening his mouth slightly and gently moving his tongue into Andy’s mouth.  I meet his tongue with Andy’s and we slowly begin wrapping our arms around one another, caressing and affectionately rubbing each other’s bodies.  I run Andy’s hands along the ridges of Macky’s strong back and he reaches into my shirt places his hands under my armpits and begins rubbing and flicking Andy’s nipples with his thumbs, making me coo in blissful gratitude.  The kissing grows more intense, our mouths open wider and wider until little is holding us back.  It’s a battle of tongues and wills as our explorations of each other’s bodies intensifies to match our passionate kissing.  Hands are moving, rubbing, and caressing in a flurry of sexual desire as we both heat up and feel that rise in body heat that can only be explained by a sexual surge of lustful testosterone.  Macky gasps and moans out when I finally can’t take it anymore and I grab onto him tightly and begin grinding Andy’s rock hard boner against Macky’s, the soft fabric of our underwear sending jolts of sensation into our cocks.  He grabs onto me too, locking us together as we both ravenously grind our cocks together, moaning out as we both start showing dark wet spots from all the precum.   Holy fucking shit!  This moment that I’ve dreamed of for so long is finally happening!  I reach my hand into Macky’s snug boxers and grab his cock, gently stroking it and playing with his cockhead, rubbing his precum around the whole head and making him squirm and groan in ecstasy.  I begin picking up my intensity, still locking lips with him as I begin pumping his 8 inch cock, making him finally give in and egg me on.“Oh my fuck!  Andy, that feels so good!” He pants as he buries his face in my neck and begins taking in my scent, licking Andy’s flesh and playfully biting me.  I pump him extra nice and the surprise makes him hop a bit in surprise as he tenses up and accidentally bites me just a bit too hard.  “Oh Shit Andy!  I’m so fucking sorry!”He didn’t draw blood, but there’s definitely going to be a bruise.  That just makes me harder as I glare at him and rip Andy’s clothes off before pushing Macky onto his bed and dropping to Andy’s knees.  I rip Macky’s boxers off his legs and leave him so his legs are hanging off the edge of the bed.  Macky just looks at me with genuine intrigue and excitement, like a child wondering what’s going to happen next as I bury Andy’s face in Macky’s trimmed pubes, huffing in his manly odor while I grab his meaty mounds of muscular pec flesh and squeeze them in my firm grip, then dragging my fingers down the grooves of his abs as I raise my head and bring Andy’s lips around Macky’s ready-to-burst-it’s-so-fucking-hard-cock.   “Ohhhhhh Fuckkkkkkk. Andyyyyyyyyy Fuck yeahhhhhh” Macky moans as he widens his eyes, paralyzed by sensation as I use Andy’s tongue to playfully lick that cock head and swirl it around my mouth, making sure to lick and kiss my way up and down his shaft.  Macky is squirming and breathing deeply, restlessly moving in place as he grabs my head and begins guiding me to go lower and lower onto his cock.  I surprise him and force Andy’s mouth down, sending all 8 inches of Macky’s cock down my throat as my lips ram into his pubes.  Macky goes wild!  He tosses his legs in the air, toes curling as he grabs my head and pulls me down even harder onto his cock, hollering as he thrashes his head around.  Mmmmmm I love the way his abs and pecs pop from the strain as every muscle in his body contracts at once.  I get into a rhtym, guided by his strong hands as I send his cock sliding down my relaxed throat, over and over, faster and faster.  Macky is ecstatic as he is helplessly arching his back, thrusting his hips into his brothers hungry mouth, absolutely lost in the moment to how good it feels to finally satisfy all of these repressed desires.  Then he feels it. Macky feels the most earthshattering orgasm of his life rolling just around the corner, but instead of ride it out, he immediately snaps back to reality.  He looks at me with a look of panic and fury as he pushes me off him.  The force of my suction makes my lips remove from his dick with a forceful pop, sending more shudders of pleasure through his body before he looks at me, shaking his head, covering his boner with a pillow.  “GET THE FUCK OUT!  I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS, BUT IT WAS SICK!  NEVER AGAIN, ANDY!  NEVER AGAIN!” he screams as I scurry out of his room, still naked, not bothering to grab my discarded clothes.  God damnit.  So fucking close.  Macky opens the door, bringing me hope that he’ll let me finish him off, but he just throws my clothes at me and slams the door, immediately clicking the lock.   I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but it’s time to start my secondary protocol… Chapter 2.5 Recap: “GET THE FUCK OUT!  I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS, BUT IT WAS SICK!  NEVER AGAIN, ANDY!  NEVER AGAIN!” he screams as I scurry out of his room, still naked, not bothering to grab my discarded clothes.  God damnit.  So fucking close.  Macky opens the door, bringing me hope that he’ll let me finish him off, but he just throws my clothes at me and slams the door, immediately clicking the lock.   I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but it’s time to start my secondary protocol…It’s now one day before Macky’s big football game, and I realize I just fucked things up.  God damnit, really, Shane?  A full frontal assault?  I’m such an idiot.  I let lust cloud better judgment and now after coming so close to tasting Macky’s cream, he’s probably retreated deeper into his repressed homosexual denial than ever before and he’ll probably never look at Andy the same way.   Positive memories of Andy and his brother flash through my mind as that brotherly bond part of Andy’s brain tries to make me feel shame for swallowing Macky’s delicious cock.I almost feel nostalgia-induced shame before I laugh out loud at the ridiculousness.  I’m on Andy’s bed horny as hell, and the only shame I feel is that I didn’t get to feel Macky’s man juices surging down his little brother’s throat.  Picking up Andy’s phone, I dial a familiar number and decide to pay a visit to an old friend…“Hey Andy!” my old body greets me at the front door to my old house, “Come on in.” I try to feel a connection to my old life but I feel nothing as I follow my body downstairs to my research hub in the basement.  Shit, I was in such a rush to get out and enjoy Andy’s life that I didn’t even bring any useful gadgets with me.  I’m genuinely proud as we pass by the transference device as I remember Andy helplessly resisting having my knowledge and consciousness downloaded into his brain.  Shit, just thinking about that last bit of fight he put up is getting me hard.  Come on, man.  Breathe.  Breathe deep and focus.  Okay I’m fine.  I quickly grab the disc that has the video and audio footage of the transference, planning on keeping that for future beat off sessions in Andy’s body.  But anyway, my old body has been jabbering on about nonsensical bullshit.  I mean I programmed the AI to pass as me, but I also hampered his intelligence by a significant degree, hoping to prevent a Terminator doomsday world.  Nevertheless, I am still relieved to hear him complain about not knowing how to use any of my equipment.  “What does all this stuff do anyway?” my old body asks.  “Are you ever going to show me how to use or calibrate or whatever any of it?”“Why don’t you just worry about upgrading your PC RAM and getting to level 100 in Skyrim,” I respond with a disinterested tone as I begin depositing all my portable equipment in a duffel bag.  I grab the euphoria inducing aerosol I used to subdue Andy.  Check.  Gas mask.  Check.  Sleep Inducing Drugs.  Check.  And finally, the secondary protocol to my master plan.  Check.  “Yes, Andy.  You’re right.  I’m sorry, sometimes I just get curious.  I mean I played around with the euphoria aerosol a bit when I got bored.  That shit works great!  I just did one spray in the hot Fed Ex guy’s face and he was high long enough for me to suck him off.  TWICE!” I helplessly grin as I realize how good of a mind clone this AI is, even if he has a fraction of my raw intelligence.  Slinging the duffel over my shoulder, I look at him and realize this is the final goodbye to my old life.  Once I walk out the front door, that won’t just be the AI imported into my vacant body.  That will be Shane, and I will be Andy, the new, better Andy.  As I stare at Shane and analyze his asymmetrical face and revoltingly thin profile and I think Good Riddance! Before casually walking back to my house.  Yeah, that’s right-MY house- because my name is Andy. Back in my room I inspect the secondary protocol and devise my plan.  To be honest, this device never went beyond the prototype stage, so I believe it would be wise to perform a test trial on some lucky stud.   The device is extremely powerful, offering the power of absolute suggestion, or in more pop culture terms, mind control.  This device, which consists of electrode infused adhesive pads designed for the temples and a portable power unit that looks like a hand crank radio, but actually contains highly specific brainwave attunement algorithms operated by my custom designed Neuro-override CPU, has the primary function of forcing one to live truthfully.  That’s how I’m going to get Macky- I’m going to convince him that this is a homeopathic sport performance machine, and that’s when I’m going to force him to admit his homosexuality and his raw passionate desire for me.  And not just admit it, he will be forced to live his truth.  The secondary function is to completely reprogram the mind and implant ideas or traits that were never there to begin with.  I’ll have to use that function to reprogram my parents so they don’t think it’s weird that Macky and I will be having so much loud, ravenous sex all over the house.  Mmmmmm that thought of Macky’s 8 inch juicy cock stretching out my virgin hole is getting me so hard.  Gasping out and hearing Andy’s voice sounding frantic as I try to get my breathing under control and relax my ass muscles to let my older brother slide balls deep inside me….Fuck yeah, I need to do my field test now!  Wracking through Andy’s mind I remember that before Monday games there is always a mandatory Sunday practice.  Okay, I close my eyes and sift through Andy’s memories, visualizing faces and bodies until finally I have my test subject picked!  Anthony!  He’s one of Macky’s best friends and shit, I’ll be god damned if it wouldn’t be hot to make that straight tall dark and handsome jock get down on his knees and suck Andy’s cock.  Mmmmmmyeah I let memories and images of Anthony fill my head. Oh fuckkkkk, the stud signed to be a rower at Boston College, so I know he has a firm and strong body underneath those clothes.  I get up and walk to the mirror, reveling in one of my new favorite pastimes as I taunt Andy’s reflection.“Oh you sick fuck.  You’re about to reprogram a nice guy like Anthony and make him some queer cock whore?  Oh you’re a dirty little fucker aren’t you?”  I quickly huff in Andy’s pits, feeling a euphoric headrush from the stench of his boyish odor.  “Little whores like you don’t deserve deodorant” I say to my reflection, watching my satisfaction visible in Andy’s face which has been warped into a wicked smile of triumph.  I give Andy’s ass a firm smack, lightly yelping as I grab a hold of that firm yet juicy cheek and give it a squeeze.“mmmmmmm yeah, so close to finally finishing this damn plan,” I say, giving my reflection one last staredown before I leave to catch Anthony at practice.  “Don’t you ever forget I own you.  I am you.  I’m inside you.  I abuse your body and eat your cum, but you love it because I love it!”I show up to watch the practice, dressed in athletic attire myself.  I figure I might as well hit the gym after this test run- gotta keep my new body in hard and toned shape.  Accessing Andy’s memories, I whip up a quintessential Andy gym jock outfit: long grey compression shorts, black short shorts over top, Andy’s lacrosse jersey, gold chain, backwards facing Georgetown hat, and some compression garments over the elbows.  I put a white nike compression sleeve over the right elbow, but on my left arm just above the elbow, I tie a bright neon pink band.  Just a little something bright and colorful, a first step in showing the world how cute Andy will look when he’s always wearing either neon or bright colors.  I watch the practice diligently, trying to be a good little brother, but feeling tossed to the side as Macky ignores my cheers and tries to dart his gaze away from me whenever possible.  Anthony notices this and sees me looking a little bummed, so when practice is over he invites me out to do a little off the cuff pick me up play.  This is my first time really testing Andy’s agility, and I’ve gotta say, damn that boy can run!  Well, now I can run!  As soon as I get a hold of that ball I dart and weasel my way through a wall of hulking jocks, expertly jumping over and maneuvering my way through until I finally somersault over the last beefy jock, nailing the landing as my feet plant solidly right in the end zone.“TOUCHDOWN!!!!!” I hear Anthony roar, beaming from where I left him in the dust and looking so American boy next door cute in his light pink shorts and T-shirt that shows off all the hard work he’s put into his body.  I mean I can just tell he’s got a nice solid, yet tight and toned torso.  Cobblestone abs just dying to be licked and a perfect V-shape starting at his wide shoulders and solid arms, leading down to his tight and narrow waist.  And fuck me, those legs.  So strong and toned, oh and the perfect amount of brown hair leading up his inner thighs.  I struggle to keep myself from getting a hard-on as he races to where I’m standing and hugs me so hard he hoists me into the air.  “What the fuck man where did that come from?!  That was amazing!” Anthony applauds as he drops me back down to the ground with a thud.  “I think you’ve got a bright future ahead of you as a star quarterback”Admittedly, I get a little lost in the glory, but I see Macky eyeing me from afar, obviously proud of his little brother, but burying that pride underneath his disdain and frost he feels towards me.  I wait for my little crowd of applauding bros and football jocks to dissipate until it’s just me and Anthony.  I agreed to stay behind and help him put away all the equipment since it was his turn to take on that task.  As we’re hoisting helmets and loading water bottles he keeps piling on the compliments, making me genuinely blush.  I wish I could see what I look like right now- I’ve always imagined Andy would look cute with rosy red cheeks.  “Hey Anthony…”“Yeah man.  What can I do for our future MVP?” he responds with sincere kindness.“I got this new thing that I think might help Macky do better tomorrow at the game.  Would you be willing to help me test it out?”“I think Macky will be fine if he takes some notes on you, man.  How the hell are you still JV?  I’m talking to coach first thing after the game and getting you on Varsity, where you belong.  And-““Anthony, please.  This is serious.  I want my bro to do well.  Will you just give me a few minutes?”“Yeah, man.  Of course”I turn to hide the devilish grin on Andy’s face as I unload the secondary protocol and remove the adhesive temple units.  After having Anthony lie down on his back on the abandoned field, I place the units on his temples and he laughs a bit as he shivers from the cold gel.  I tell him to try to relax as I calibrate the device.“So what is this thing again?” Anthony asks.“Oh it’s the newest hot thing in the NFL,” I bullshit him.  “It sends sound waves or some shit directly to where the brain controls nervousness and calms that down, making it easier to focus and get ‘in the zone’”“Wow sweet!  Well maybe if this goes well we can all get a little zap before the game tomorrow.”Poor sucker, I think to myself as I hit the on switch.“UnnnnnnngggggggggggggGGggGGggg WHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTTHHHHEEEEEEFFFFFFFUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!” Anthony screams as the units begin sending shockwaves of electricity into his brain, making every muscle in his body seize, but also breaking his resistance down in preparation for the next phase.  I honestly start to get a little hard watching this toned jock trembling and unintelligibly shouting in so much agony, but I remind myself that hopefully the best is yet to come.   Suddenly, Anthony relaxes, his arched back plummeting to the ground as he stares blankly into the twilight sky, looking peaceful and docile as the machine begins sending a barrage of algorithm impulses directly into his brain.   “Anthony.  How do you feel?”“I feel good, Andy,” he says blankly.“Did you mean what you said earlier?  About thinking I have a shot at varsity?”“Oh absolutely.  I’ve never seen anyone move like that.”“Did you enjoy what you saw as I made that play?”“It makes me happy to see such good football talent.”“No, did you enjoy me?  Did you enjoy watching my body as I bolted and jumped my way through?  Did you like seeing my tight bubble butt and toned arms hurling down the field?  Did you want to just tackle me to the ground and touch and taste my body?” I ask as I crank up the machine’s power level.  He looks like he enjoys it as he begins squirming and his breathing deepens in satisfied gasps the higher the power goes.  “No, Andy.  I think you’re really cool, but I was only focused on the football.  I’m straight and I’ve honestly never had sexual thoughts about other guys.” Well, I guess now is as good of a time as ever to try out the reprogramming feature.  I hit a green button and make a few calibrations before feeding Anthony his new self.“Anthony, you DID want to touch my body earlier.  You wanted to rip off all my clothes and clean my sweaty body clean with your tongue.  You wanted nothing more than to swallow my cock and let me fuck your throat on the field.”“Mmmmmm Yes, Andy.  Your body looks so delicious.  Always wanted to have your cock in my mouth.  Oh yeah, fucking my throat…”“You work out so much to impress men, not chicks.  Now tell me, why do you work out?”“I-I-I want other men to notice my body, to be impressed.”“Because you love attention from other men.  The thought of a handsome hunk forcing his tongue into your mouth and shoving his cock up your ass is such a turn on.  Hell, we’ll make you vers.  The thought of shoving your cock up a tight boy asshole turns you on too.  But tits and pussy are fading from your mind.  Now tell me how much you like this,” I say as I lean over his body and bring my mouth to his, quickly meeting his tongue and enjoying our little oral dance.“Very Much, Andy!” Anthony says, gasping for air as we end the kiss.  “Ohhhhh yeah, dick and ass.  I love the attention of other men.  I just want a dick in my hole.  And I want to be inside tight boy assholes.”“You love cum.  You crave cum.  You want it inside you more than anything whether it’s inside your mouth and throat or inside your ass, you hunger for the warmth and the creaminess.”  Anthony just moans in response.  “Anthony, you are completely, absolutely gay.  You will still talk and act the way you do with your friends, the straight boy persona and all, but everything I have told you is absolutely true.  Is that correct?”“Yes, Andy.  All correct.”“You will do anything I say.  Is that correct?”“Yes, Andy.”“You love following my orders.  Is that correct?” he just gasps and moans, letting me know following my orders will bring him the highest of sexual pleasure. p>“Good boy” I say with wicked satisfaction as I give Anthony another electric surge like before, locking in all of the adjustments and reprogramming his mind.  So far it seems like the secondary protocol is a success, but let’s wait until he wakes up.  The poor guy blacked out from the experience.  “ohhhhh…..Andy is that you?”“Hey Anthony.  I think you fell or something- hit your head probably.  You feel okay?”“mmmmmm Yeah.  Never felt better,” He coos as he stretches out, still lying on his back.   I see him eying me with new lust, an intensity and hunger that wasn’t there before.  “Hey Andy, do you like getting your dick sucked?”“Fuck yeah, dude.  Especially love finding a bimbo who’ll let me cum down his throat.”“Did you say ‘he’?” Anthony asks with hope in his eyes, as well as dramatic tenting in his pink shorts.  “Here, let me help you with that,” I say as I unzip his shorts, freeing that monster cock as it pops out with a BOING.  “Commando?  Wow, that’s so dirty and hot,” I tell him as I grab his fuck stick and begin pumping him slowly.  He’s moaning out, eyes clamped shut, but then I lean down lightly lick the head of Anthony’s cock before taking the whole head in my mouth and swirling the end of his cock with my tongue, setting off all those sensitive nerve endings and making him squirm for dear life beneath me.  “OH Andy!  UNNNGGGGGGGGFUUUUUUCKKK!” He yells as his fist grabs a tuft of grass and his whole body thrashes so powerfully that he rips an entire fistful of grass from the earth.  As much as he enjoys receiving this treatment from me, I can see a glimmer in his eyes that lets me know how badly he wants to service me.  I stand up and tell him to get on his knees in front of me.  “Service my cock”“Oh yes, please, Andy.  You’re so perfect, Andy,” the mindfucked Anthony exclaims as he yanks my black shorts and my compressions down to my ankles, getting slapped in the face by my 7 inches of glory that flop out.  He starts by pumping me, getting me fully hard right away, making me feel empowered as he says things like:“Oh Andy, you’re such a hot boy.  You have the most beautiful cock, Andy.  Oh Andy, you are so fucking cute.”I’m on a high of power, owning Andy’s body and mind as I feel all this pleasure in his cock, and feeling the thrill of having this innocent and sweet reprogrammed jock pumping my man meat.  Anthony looks at me from down on his knees and then looks at my cock.  I know what he wants, so I let him know to go ahead-and no teeth!   To my great shock, he expertly swallows my cock in one smooth motion.  No teeth at all, and he even uses his throat muscles to make a milking, suction on Andy’s cock.  Fuck, I’ve been horny all day in Andy’s post-puberty teen body and Anthony gave me such an expert hand job.  I can’t believe this, but I literally just got the last inch of my cock down Anthony’s throat when my balls seize up and I feel it coming!“Mother Fucking FUCK!!!!!” I shout as I grab Anthony’s head and ram my cock even deeper down his throat, forcing him to swirl around a bit, making him milk every last drop of my cum as it floods directly down his throat.  As full as he is, I can hear him making feral squeals of pleasure and satisfaction.  The pleasure of satisfying me and taking in Andy’s tasty teen juices was so satisfying to Anthony that he starts launching ropes of his own cum, the creamy missiles landing all over the front of my legs and thighs.  As we both calm down and I pull out of his throat I point at the mess he made.Without another word he gets to work licking up his own juices off of my body, savoring the flavors and making me moan as his enthusiastic tongue starts to drift a little too far up my thigh….Fuck I love being Andy…. Secondary protocol is without a doubt a success.  Ready for primary trial.  Mmmmmm Macky, you’re mine now… Chapter 3 Thus far: Shane, a computer tech prodigy, has a deep and powerful hunger for Macky (right), so he has ruthlessly transferred his knowledge and consciousness into Macky’s younger Brother, Andy (left).  Macky is a deeply repressed homosexual, and Shane, in Andy’s body, failed to seduce him.  So, Shane will be using the secondary protocol, a mind control device, to reprogram Macky and make him crave his (unknown to him) possessed brother.   Recap: “Mother Fucking FUCK!!!!!” I shout as I grab Anthony’s head and ram my cock even deeper down his throat, forcing him to swirl around a bit, making him milk every last drop of my cum as it floods directly down his throat.  As full as he is, I can hear him making feral squeals of pleasure and satisfaction.  The pleasure of satisfying me and taking in Andy’s tasty teen juices was so satisfying to Anthony that he starts launching ropes of his own cum, the creamy missiles landing all over the front of my legs and thighs.  As we both calm down and I pull out of his throat I point at the mess he made.Without another word he gets to work licking up his own juices off of my body, savoring the flavors and making me moan as his enthusiastic tongue starts to drift a little too far up my thigh….Fuck I love being Andy…. Secondary protocol is without a doubt a success.  Ready for primary trial.  Mmmmmm Macky, you’re mine now… The night before the big game… Arriving home, sweaty and dirty from my successful trial of the secondary protocol with Macky’s good friend, Anthony, I know the time to act is now.  I don’t even bother changing or showering as I walk to Macky’s room where he’s holing himself up, still doom and gloom over last night’s incident.  I know he wanted to blow his load down my throat, and he will.  He just needs a little push to get over the whole me possessing his little brother without anyone knowing and turning him into a cock hungry whore thing.  And that’s totally understandable.  But with a little help from this device, Andy’s tastebuds will finally get to taste the manly juices as they erupt from his big brother’s cock, and I’ll get to enjoy the privilege of swallowing every last drop.   *Knock knock knock*“Go Away!” Macky shouts from inside.“Come on, man.  Please let me in.  You’re my big bro and I need to talk to you.”“I said go away!” Macky refuses to relent.  “Look, I know I fucked up and pushed too hard last night.  I know we’re both straight.  We’ve just been really stressed and I shouldn’t have been all weird like that, but I honestly just want to help you play better at tomorrow’s game.  So will you please let me in?” I say using the sweetest tone I can possibly muster with Andy’s cute voice.  I hear rustling and grumbling from the other side of the door and Macky’s lumbering footprints as he opens the door, not saying a word, but inviting me in.  I notice he’s just in boxers and when he catches me glancing at him he quickly puts on a T-shirt and some gym shorts to cover himself up.  Why even bother? I think to myself.  You’ll just be ripping them off anyway once I release you from your repressed horny lust for my body.  “So what is it?” Macky asks as he hops onto his bed, landing on his back and relaxing with his hands resting on his tight stomach.  “KT Tape?  Ultrasound?  Tigerbalm?  I’ve already got all of that stuff.” Macky says, closing his eyes and sounding exhausted.   “No way man.  I got this thing from a friend, and it’s the hottest new thing NFL players are using.  It’s all-natural, homeopathic, and junk, but makes you focus like CRAZY.”“Well…Yeah, let’s give it a go,” Macky says, unable to resist anything that’ll make him a better football player.  I get to work, quickly placing the probes on his temples, eliciting the same cold shiver as Anthony when the cold gel pads adhere to his temples.  “So bro, what is this supposed to do exactly?  Are we doing shock therapy or something?  Hahahaha-“*Click*“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!  THE FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!” Macky screams, writhing in pain as electric impulses are pumped directly into his brain.  Every muscle in his body is contracting at the same time, making his face turn bright red from strain as he grits his teeth with his eyes clamped shut, face scrunched into one of agony as the veins on his neck dilate until they look like they’ll pop.  Mmmmmmm you should see Macky’s abs and pecs right now, all tight and toned and looking shredded from the electricity disabling his nervous system.  His back is arched with such force that he’s airborne off the bed.  Finally, he collapses with a thud onto the bed, lightly moaning as his deep breathing calms down and he just stares at the ceiling, his psyche’s defenses shattered as his brain is penetrated by waves of algorithm impulses.  I decide to start simple, realizing that Macky’s fragile mind also has the deepest repressed feelings.  “Macky, can you hear me?”“Yes, Andy,” he answers with a soft and peaceful tone.“How do you feel Macky?“I was in pain, but now I feel very good.  My head feels very funny, but I love the vibrations I feel coursing through me.”“Those are the probes, Macky.  They’re sending algorithms into your brain.  Those algorithms will rewire your brain and make you a better football player.  You just have to be honest with me.  I promise I’ll do the same.”“No….No.  Can’t be honest,” he replies with more worry and conflicted tone to his voice.“Why can’t you be honest with me?  I’m your little brother.  We’ve always been such good pals.  You’re the reason I got into football because I saw you looking all serious and powerful and I wanted to be just like you.”  I dip into Andy’s memories and my own memories of practice earlier that day to create that shtick.  I must tread carefully though.  “There’s something.  Can’t say.  Too much shame.”“There’s no such thing as shame between us.  We’re too close for that.  Here, you tell me who you think I am and I’ll tell you who I really am.”“You’re Andy.  You’re my little brother.  You’re athletic and love the attention you get from the ladies.  You’re straight and pretty calm and chill,” Macky responds with subdued confidence in his response.  “No, Macky.  You’re right that my name is Andy, that I’m your little brother, and that I’m athletic, but I don’t give two shits what the ladies think about me.  I am as gay as they come and when I’m alone I don’t like to be chill; I’m a sexual deviant and love perverted sexual taboos.”“What do you mean?” Macky blankly responds with a hint of confusion and curiosity.  “Jesus, man.  I’m saying I like taking it up the ass and I like swallowing hot, fresh cum.”“But-““I was honest with you, now you be honest with me, big bro.”“I-I-I…..I’m…”“You’re?”“I’m gay…” Macky finally says out loud, a cloud of tension years in the making evaporates from his psyche as he lays in bed, saying that phrase in different ways, finally being forced to confront his truth and live it.  “I’m Macky and I’ve been gay as long as I know.  I’m gay.  I’m gaaaaay.  I’m gayyyyyy,” Macky says, exploring different ways of admitting his homosexuality.  Unbenownst to him, he’s self-reinforcing his truth as his phrases, with the assistance of the algorithms, bust through his walls of secrecy and shame.“Tell me how you know you’re gay” I probe.“There’s just nothing like a nice tight, solid bro ass, just waiting for me to slide my cock inside of.  I’ve always wanted to seed a cute twink ass, to have a lean and toned boy to call my own and love and hold close to me at night, and to pound whenever he needs a reminder of who his hole belongs too,” Macky says softly, revealing his truest and deepest desires.  I notice that Macky is starting to get really hard, his erection threatens to burst out of his boxers.  And to be honest, I’m starting to feel Andy’s cock swell up as I try to process how perfect this is going so far.  Soon you’ll be mine, Macky.  We’re at the finish line.  “Do you care what people think about you?  Does any of that matter when you have the chance to slide your meat inside a cute twink and finally have the satisfaction of cumming so powerfully inside him that you think you might pass out?” Macky just stares blankly, twitching slightly as my algorithms force him to embrace his truth.  Finally, he relaxes again and says, “The thoughts of others don’t matter.  All that matters is that I have a cute boy to embrace and seed.”“Good, Macky.  We’ve made so much progress.  Do you think we’ve made progress?”“Yes, Andy.  You’re forcing me to face what I really am, but I’m thankful.  Now I can start looking for a tight virgin ass to make my own.”“You won’t have to look far!” I exclaim with a chuckle.“What do you mean, Andy?” Macky asks with a hint of concern penetrating his relaxed mental state.  “Well, now that you’ve finally accepted that you’re gay we can finish what we started last night and finally let you blow a load deep inside my tight virgin ass.  Isn’t that what you want?  To grab onto me tightly as you thrust your strong hips against me, sending all 8 inches of your juicy cock inside me, making me yell loud enough that it echoes through the whole house?” I ask, hoping to clarify his desires for him.“Oh No, Andy.  I am gay.  Deep down to my core gay.  And I’m glad you’re gay too and that you have my back like I’ll have yours from now on.  But we can’t be together.  We’re brothers.  I love you, but as a bro and a friend.  Last night was complicated.  I was repressing so much.  It just erupted out of me, but I shouldn’t have let things get so out of hand with you.  We can’t ever be together like that,” Macky says with quiet certainty.  I can’t believe this shit!  Frantically, I check the readings on the device, also making sure the probes are still adhered properly.  Fucking Damnit!  Everything checks out, so it’s not possible for him to lie to me right now.  After everything I’ve been through!  After all the years of Macky punishing me for his repressed homosexuality and still making me fall head over heels for him!  After possessing his cute and fit little brother so he could have someone hot enough for him to cum inside of!  After going through the damn trouble of making him embrace his masculine and powerful gay desires!  And he still doesn’t want to be with me!  I’m so fucking mad that without even thinking I grab the secondary protocol device and begin furiously making adjustments.  This was definitely not part of the plan, but I don’t give a fucking fuck!  I hit that green button and prepare to override Macky’s familial love and respect for me as his little brother, Andy.   Macky trembles powerfully, his brain being pummeled by algorithms designed to reprogram his thoughts and perception of the world.  “Do you think I’m hot?!” I ask angrily, constantly raising the power and intensity of the device’s impulses.  “No- Can’t-You’re my little brother, Andy.  Please….”“You want me.  Tell me you want me!  Tell me you want to touch my body!”“W-w-w-w-ant you…NO WAIT-yes, want you.  Want to touch your-Andy, please!- oh no-yes…yes I want to touch your body,” Macky says as he goes back and forth from malleable victim and resistant older brother.  It really is admirable how much he is able to fight this, but there are 30 power levels and we just barely cracked past level 7.  Click-just raised to level 8.  “You want to taste my tongue and kiss me passionately because you are in love with me.  I am your little brother, Andy, who you’ve known and loved as a brother all your life, but now it’s time to see me as a lover.”“Noooooooo…Andy, you can’t-“Click-level 9“Your tongue…want to taste your tongue.  Kiss…you….want to-no why am I thinking this?  You’re my brother! I can’t-“Click-level 10“Yes, kissing your mouth is good.  Mmmmmm yes, Andy, I love the taste of your mouth because we’re lovers-OH MY…no this is wrong this is so wrong!  I won’t! I-“ Click-Click-Click-Click-Click-Level 15“Unnnnnnggggggggggyeaaaaaahhhhhhunnngggggggggg,” Macky groans as he thrashes his head around, being overwhelmed by the surge of overpowering brain power algorithms.  “I love you Andy!  I crave you as a lover.  Want to hold you in my arms every night-feel your warmth comforting me-I want to be the person you wake up next to every morning.  Yes, Andy!  From now until the end of time,” Macky exclaims with enthusiasm and passion as he looks at me with fierce longing in his eyes, longing to hold me in his arms and protect me from the dangers of the world.  The only thing keeping him from sweeping me into his arms is the device, still immobilizing his body by pouring mind control algorithm impulses into his brain because I’m not done with him yet.  “You love me, but you also want to dominate me.  To make me your little boycunt.  You want my mouth around your thick man meat,” I say, getting hard again from the sheer amount of perversion taking place.  “Waittttt-Bbbbbut I love you.  Don’t want to dominate—Maybe just a little….No! I just want to hold you close and never let go-“ Click-Click-Click-Click-Click-Level 20“OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhFFUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKK,” Macky yells as his back arches, the veins swelling on his neck as the muscles in his neck and face contract.  “Yeahhhhhh Andy, I fucking love you so much, but don’t forget that I own your tight boycunt.  Yeah, you’re gonna be using those fine lips and your smooth throat to service my meat.  Fuck yeah, you’re a whore, but you’re my whore that I fucking love,” Macky says with a sneer and a shade of pride and self-confidence that has never existed in him before.  Fuck I’m so hard right now, watching him squirm as his brain is pounded over and over again by my program, making all these utterances of his permanent changes to his personality.  I smile wickedly as I realize we’re almost done.  Just one more thing left, and I suspect it will rouse Micky’s last shred of fight.“You want to seed my tight virgin hole.  You want to mark my hole as yours for life by sliding your 8 inch cock inside me, and fucking a load of your cream inside me.  My moans and shouts will turn you on so much as you look down and see me, your little brother looking up at you, hungry for your cock inside me, and so grateful to be so full of you.  That’s where your cock belongs- Inside me!” The new Macky is squirming in delight, but as expected, the old Macky returns for one last showing of his immense willpower.  “Seed your fucking tight virgin-HOLY SHIT NO!  NO NO NO WAY I—-want to mark your hole as mine for life.  That’s right, this load will coat your insides and then you’ll be mine forever, Baby Bro.  Hope you beg for Big Bro’s cock to give you what you need, a nice and creamy—GOTTA FIGHT UNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG PLEASE!!!!  YOU’RE MY LITTLE BROTHER!!!!!—and when I look down and see your delight as my cock fills you up, I’ll roar with satisfaction as I give you what you need and fill your tight hole with my—COME ONE, MACKY!!  FIGHT IT!!!! YOU GOTTTAAAA ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!”I let Macky thrash around, allowing him to be convinced he can fight back and beat it.  Mmmmmmm, watching him thrash his head around, helplessly trying to hold on to his decency is making me so hard.  I can feel Andy’s precum leaking out of his cock like a faucet.  Holy Shit, I think I feel it dribbling down my leg!  Enough of this Bullshit! I reach into Macky’s boxers and grab onto his hard cock and begin pumping him powerfully, bringing him closer and closer to orgasm, before stopping right as he reaches the orgasm level.  “Does that feel good?!” I ask as I pump Macky and edge him for the 17th time.  “Yesssssssssssssss!” Macky screams in delight, desperately thrusting his hips and trying to hump his cock into my tight grip.  “Pleaseeeeee let me cum!”“You know what you have to say, Macky!  SAY IT!  SURRENDUR!”“No, but I can’t!  Gotta-“I remove my hand from his boxers, leaving him helplessly fucking the air as I edge him for the 18th time.  Tears start flowing down Macky’s face as he humps away, so powerfully that he’s shaking the bed.  “PLEASE, ANDY!!!!  I NEED TO CUM!” Macky yells with panicked desperation. I reach over and pinch one of his perky nipples, making him moan as I menacingly look him in the eyes and tell him, “Say it!”“OHHHHHHH FUCK OKAY!   YOU WIN I SURRENDUR, JUST PLEASE LET ME CUM!”“Glad you saw things my way,” I say with a smirk as I reach into his boxers, making him smile and moan with giddy relief and delight as I pump him closer and closer towards the biggest orgasm of his life thus far.  Macky is moaning in appreciation, curling his toes, and smiling as his face is carved into a close-eyed smile of ecstasy.  He’s grinding and thrusting his hips into my grip around his swollen and throbbing cock and right as his breathing starts huffing louder and faster and harder, making him look like a struggling triathlete and letting me know he’s just a few seconds from cumming, I finish him off and destroy whatever remnants of resistance remain inside his brain.  Click-Click-Click-Click-Click-Click-Click-Click-Click-Click-Level 30…Macky’s entire body seizes up and convulses with such power I worry he’ll snap in half as the maximum power of impulses flood directly into his brain!  His mouth is wide open, face bright red, and the veins on his neck threatening to burst as he tries to scream, but no sound comes out.  His back arches in spasms, making him flop in place on the bed like some sort of dolphin having an agonizingly powerful orgasm.  Then, nothing….Macky stares at the ceiling, no words leaving his mouth as a dribble of drool leaks out of his mouth.  Holy Shit I pushed too hard!  I fucking fried his brain!  What the fuck am I gonna-“My cock belongs inside of…you.  My thick manly cock belongs inside of you, My little brother, My lover, my boycunt.  Fuck yeah, Andy, you’re gonna beg me for my cream seeding your ass, and I’m gonna hold you so tight to me as I muffle your screams of pleasure with my mouth.  I fucking love you, Andy!  I’m ready to spend the rest of my days holding you tight late at night and early in the morning, and pounding your boypussy whenever I need to,” Macky says with absolutely no resistance.  He starts convulsing and shouting again, this time because he’s feeling the delayed sensation of blowing an enormous load in his boxers, soaking the entire crotch area and still dumping enough hot cream that it oozes out the thigh holes.  Macky just quivers, sighing with relief and satisfaction before I seal in the session with the electrical impulse, knocking him unconscious from the overwhelming power of the previous events, and permanently sealing all of the new and kinky changes to Macky.  Even though my cock is throbbing and dripping precum down my leg now in a steady stream, I look over at Macky, slumbering peacefully, and decide to cut him some slack before the big game tomorrow.  The guy needs his rest and there will be plenty of time to spend with him afterwards.  I walk down the hall and hop onto Andy’s bed, realizing that my plan has finally pulled through.  Not bothering to change these wet with precum boxers, I just scoop up as much of Andy’s precum as possible and rub it all over his face like lotion, enjoying the smell of his boy juices as I drift off to sleep.  Fucking hell yeah, transferring my consciousness into your tight and lean boy body was the best decision I ever made, Andy.  “So fucking hottt…..” are my last words of the night as I drift off.   The Big Day“Did you see that play?!” Macky asked me as he lovingly hugged me in his arms and lifted me into the air after scoring the winning touchdown.  He was being borderline too affectionate, and I had to hiss at him to let me down when he instinctively tried to kiss me.   “Bro!  We’re in public!  Put me down so we can take pictures.  You’ll get your reward later!” I hiss playfully into his ear.   He begrudgingly puts me down as we pose for some photos together.  “Hey Andy.” “Yeah, Bro?” I answer. “You’re the best little brother ever.  I just wanted you to know that.  I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but I know what’s gonna be getting into you when we get back to the house.” “You’re the best big brother ever.  I love you, and I’m so happy to give you your victory fuck.” He gives my ass a playful squeeze, risking getting seen in public.  The element of danger makes it so hot.  Fuck yeah, I can’t wait to get back to the house.  You know, Macky sure is right- I’m the best little brother ever…or I would be if I actually was his little brother.   We’re done with all the pictures and I’m riding shotgun with Macky, who is still elated after scoring the winning touchdown.  Normally he’d shower with the rest of the team, but he practically carried me to the car, bent on getting home ASAP.   “Are you sure you don’t wanna shower with your bros and celebrate your win?” I ask him as we cruise along the road to our home.   “You’re the only bro that matters and we’ll be celebrating, alright,” he says with a wink that makes me blush.  I’ve been in Andy’s body for 3 days now, and I’m already realizing this was the best decision I’ve ever made.  I flash my now older brother a devilish smile before I reach a toned arm over and grab his thick man meat, massaging it with my soft hands and enjoying the feeling of it growing in my grip. “ohhhhhhhhhh fuck….Andy that feels so good.  Wait, we should-“ “Start celebrating right now” I interrupt as I lean over at the redlight and grab his face, forcing my tongue into his mouth and enjoying this passionate kiss as he explores my mouth also.  “I know you’re good for more than one round of celebration” I tease him as I slide my hand into his shorts and grab his rod and begin stroking him.  I know he can’t wait any longer when he’s moaning like a bitch in heat as he thrusts into my grip on his cock.   “Oh fuck bro!   GOD YEAH MAN THAT FEELS SO GOOD!” Macky shouts as I begin sliding his 8 inches into my mouth and down my perfectly relaxed throat.  He surprises me when he involuntarily thrusts the last 2 inches into me, immediately bringing my lips down to the base of his cock, forcing me to take in the sweaty man odor of his trimmed bush.  I breathe it in gladly as I get ready for one hell of a car ride home.  “OH FUCKKKKKKK!!!!” Macky shouts as he dumps endless rivers of cum down my throat.  I hungrily eat every last drop, making sure that whatever didn’t get dumped directly down Andy’s throat is immediately consumed.  Macky is shivering with pleasure and giddy joy and I actually have to grab the steering wheel because he doesn’t see that truck that just slowed down.  “Holy Shit Balls that was close dude!” Macky shouts, breaking out of his euphoria.  We both laugh together and he just says, “We’ll have to practice the road head more.  I’ve gotta work on my focus,” he tells me with a wink as he reaches his hand and grabs my firm rod through the silky fabric of these shorts, firmly gripping and massaging the rock hard mound trapped in this compression underwear.  He keeps rubbing me until a wet spot forms on my compressions, a nice healthy flow of Andy’s precum as well as my squirming body and attempts to keep my moaning under control let Macky know how much I want him, how much his loving brother, Andy, is turned on by him.  When he slips his hand into these compression shorts and wraps his strong fingers around Andy’s marble hard cock, he knows this cock is hard because I want his body and his dick cumming inside me as our sweaty bodies are grinding all over one another.   He looks at me intently, squeezing, massaging, stroking, jacking my cock as I flash him a smile, gasping for breath and ask him, “Are we there yet?”“Bro, you better be a good boy.  You ask me that again and I’ll pull this car over right now and we’ll start on the side of the road,” he says with wickedly cute mischief.   I just lay back and relax, moaning in appreciation as Macky expertly pumps my cock, bringing me closer and closer to shooting a load all over his new car.  Fuck, that would be hot!  Then we can both lick it off together.  Mmmmmm God, I love Macky, but I love possessing his little bro, Andy, even more! Thank God, we just got home!  The folks are still in Napa Valley-guess they figured we had things under control, and boy do we!  Macky is cursing as he frantically tries to shove the key to unlock the front door.  I can smell his musky and manly sweat, still fresh from his football game where he made his team and his little brother proud.  *CLICK*“Finally!” Macky exclaims as he opens the door and I eagerly follow him inside.   *UMF* He pushes me playfully and forcefully against the wall, forcing his mouth over mine as he finally gets to express everything he feels inside.  I know this is my doing, but it is just so fucking hot to let him think these are his own thoughts and feelings.  Macky briefly comes up for air.“Oh Fuck, Andy I love you so fucking much.  I want your lean, toned boy body so much.  To be on top of you and feel you underneath me as I hold you tight and show you that you belong to me.”He smiles at me adoringly before locking his mouth back over mine, wrestling his tongue with my surprised mouth before he starts grinding his crotch against my own, making me moan with longing as his force and grinds keep me helplessly pinned against the wall.  Macky grabs my arms and pins them against the wall above my head.  For fun I try to escape his grip, but with his strong arms I remain completely locked in place.  Macky giggles at my futile attempts.  “I love you, my little loverboy,” he says as he closes his eyes and leans in to take a deep huff of my neck.“Andy, you smell so gooooood” Macky gasps before he starts licking up and down my neck, taking in my taste, finding a spot next to his bite mark from a few days ago, sucking so hard I can almost feel the blood vessels bursting!  I yelp, my cock twitching from excitement, something he can still feel since he is still grinding his hard cock and crotch against my own.“And you taste fucking fantastic,” he says before locking his mouth over mine again, letting go of my arms as he wraps his arms around me, cupping my tight boy ass cheeks and lifting me into the air.  I wrap my legs tightly around him and circle my arms around his neck as he effortlessly carries me upstairs.“I bet your virgin boycunt tastes even better” he coos, giving my ass such a tight squeeze that I yelp before he shuts me up with another sloppy kiss.  *OOMF*I land on my back as Macky tosses me onto his bed and climbs on top of me.  The feeling of his weight on top of me is extremely comforting and with his new programing it must be for him too since he wants nothing more than to love, protect, adore, and dominate his little brother, Andy.  Lucky for me, I’m the one inside Andy’s brain.   Macky grunts as he leans back, straddling me as he grabs my shirt by the collar and rips it in half.  He finishes ripping it off before he rips his shirt off too and leans back down to grind his chest against mine, keeping me trapped underneath his larger and more muscular body as the taste of his mouth and tongue take me to a heaven, the feeling of his hands grabbing and squeezing my tight boy pecs and nipples take me to whatever is above that.  Mmmmmmm I can see the passionate lover side of Macky.  He’s so loving and protective so far that I almost forget about the domination until he shoves his sweaty pit over my face, making me take in a huff and lick his pits clean after all the grueling and dirty sweat he earned on that hot football field.  Egging me on, Macky sighs with approval, telling me I’m being a good little brother.  His approval makes Andy’s cock dump out a stream of precum, making me moan out in desperation as I hear Macky tell me, “Mmmmmmm yeah, you have to earn the privilege of having my cock in your boycunt.  You gonna show your big bro how much you want it.  Go ahead, show me.”Macky gets off me and lays flat on his back, his shirtless body tantalizing and tempting.  He still has his football cleats and jock strap and football pants, etc. on, so I start by taking off his cleats and socks, getting smacked by a manly odor so strong I feel like I just got punched by a comic book villain named testosterone.  I can’t help but lick all over these grimy feet, making Macky squirm as I clean his ticklish feet for him.  I finally get up to the toes, using Andy’s mouth to suck each one individually until I’m sure there is no trace of his manly filth left.   I can’t help it anymore and strip off the rest of Andy’s clothes, wanting to show off my body to Macky and gain his approval.  As I finally get my tight compressions off (a difficult task with an erection this hard) Macky looks at me with a twisted mix of adoration and dominance.  Just that one look from him makes another drop of precum ooze out of Andy’s cock, making me go into a frenzy as I try to gain Macky’s approval so he’ll finally let my virgin boycunt be full of his 8 inch man meat.  I grab both waistbands, his shorts and his jockstrap, and I pull them down off his legs in one smooth motion before I toss them across the room.  Macky’s cock pops out and smacks his abs, making a pop sound that almost echoes through the room, eliciting a giggle from him that instantly morphs into a moan as I grab his cock with his little brother’s hand and begin pumping him with a tight and purposeful grip.  “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Andy, little bro, you’re a good little boycunt.  Keep showing me how much you want it.  Prove yourself to meEEEEEEEEEE- Oh FUCK!” Macky shouts as I keep pumping him while also using my tongue to gently and tantalizingly lap up the precum oozing out of his dick, setting off a firestorm of sensation through that fat cock head.  Macky begins thrusting into my pumping grip, hollering out as I keep flicking his cockhead with my tongue, teasing his cock and making him more and more frustrated as he wishes for nothing else than to feel full satisfaction for his wet with precum cock.  Finally roaring in frustration from my tease, which was just what I wanted, he gets up and roughly flips me onto my back, spreading my legs forcefully as he yells at me, “Oh I know exactly what you’re doing, little bro!  A little boycunt like yours is desperate to be full of big bro’s cock.  Well let’s see how you like a tease!” He says as he lowers his head between my thighs and takes in the boyish odor of my virgin hole, tightly licking rings around it, making my thighs literally convulse with anticipation and desire.  I gasp when he finally places the tip of his tongue right on the middle of Andy’s perky rose bud and slowwwwwlllllly begins forcing his tongue inside me.  “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Mackyyyyyyyyyy” I can’t help but groan as he begins swirling inside me, getting me lubed and slick for his fat cock.  I grab Andy’s sensitive nipples and keep moaning out in longing and desire as I muse to myself how earth-shattering it is that this moment has finally arrived.  “Yeah keep moaning for me, you whore!  Your boycunt fucking loves it!” Macky grunts before thrusting his tongue back inside me, making me yelp and making my hole clamp down on his tongue so tight that he struggles to pull his tongue out of me.  “Damn, Andy.  You must really want it.  Show me how much you fucking want this cock,” Macky commands as he taunts me with that hard cock, playfully slapping my balls with it before circling it around my tight virgin hole, making me try to thrust against him in the hopes that maybe I can spear Andy’s virgin hole at least with Macky’s thick cock head.  “Oh you’re not ready for this meat yet, little bro.  Show me how much you want it.  Get yourself read for me!”“Yes Macky!  I’m sorry, Macky!  You’re too big for a virgin hole like mine” I gasp as I begin shoving Andy’s fingers into his virgin hole for the first time.  OOOOOHHHHHH FUCK ANDY IS TIGHT! Even though Macky loosened me up a bit with his tongue it still takes all I’ve got just to get a single finger all the way inside.  I sigh with relief as I finally get the finger inside me all the way to the base of my hand, and then I groan in pain as I try to gently pull the finger in random directions, hopefully stretching this hole enough to make room for another finger.  “You gotta do better than that if you want THIS inside you!” Macky shouts as he pumps his hard meat, enjoying the show.  “Right now, you better slide two fingers in easily into your whore virgin ass or you won’t get to feel me sliding inside you!”“Noooooooo I need your cock inside me!” I desperately respond.  “I can do it, Macky.  Your little brother cock whore can impress you and win the privilege of feeling you inside me!  Let me prove it!”Using all of my willpower and my immense and absolute control over Andy’s body, I try with all my might to relax Andy’s sphincters and ass muscles as I slide two fingers in all the way, gasping a huge breath and a sigh of relief as I get them in all the way until the top of my palm is jabbing against my hole.   “Fuckkkk yeahhhhh” Macky says with wide eyes and a predatory hunger as he watches me moan and squirm from the delight of finger fucking Andy’s tight hole.  I open my eyes and see him approaching me, finally willing to give me what I need, so I pull my fingers out and grab at his bed sheets as I wait for what’s coming.  “Unnnnnngggggggg OH MACKY!” I yell as he slowly forces the head of his cock inside my tight virgin hole.  Holy Shit!  I still don’t think I was ready for this!  But it feels so good to finally be filled!  Macky slowly pushes deeper and deeper inside me, using his strong hips to push, inch after inch.  The feeling of his thick cock stretching Andy’s deep insides is surreal!  And the feeling of Andy’s tight ass squeezing onto Macky’s cock as he just keeps pushing in is making me grip at those sheets and yelp out in Andy’s voice, “Oh my GOD!  Macky you’re so BIG!!!! UNnnnNNNNNGGGGG!!!!”   I thrash my head around a bit and squirm from head to toe as Macky finally leans down, sweaty chest on my chest as he grunts and thrusts the last two inches in HARD.  I see just white for a second as I blank out, overwhelmed by Macky’s 8 inches fully inside me, feeling completely full and penetrated.  And even though he’s giving me a chance to get used to his cock, he’s still moving his hips around in a swirly motion, making his fully plugged cock rotate and rub all the nerve endings so deep inside me I could never dream of reaching them on my own.  I wrap my legs around his strong ass and pull him tightly into me, grunting as Macky shoves his tongue back into my mouth and begins pulling his cock out.  The feeling of his cock leaving me and scraping against my nerve endings makes me feel both incomplete and hallucinatory, but then:“Ohhhhhhhhhhh FUCK!” I scream as Macky thrusts back into me in one hard, fast, motion, completely filling me up and making my back involuntarily arch.  “You FUCKING LOVE IT!” Macky hollers has he pumps his cock into my hungry hole, grunting as he pushes my legs up and wraps his arms around me, making it easier to fill me up.  “OHHHHHHH!!!    I” *THRUST* “FUCKING” *THRUST* *LOVE” *THRUST THRUST THRUST!!!!* “IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UNNNNNGGGGGGAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”I reach a hand and caress Macky’s back, helplessly pummelled underneath Macky’s strong body as he pumps in and out of my hole, talking so dirty to me and finally making me feel loved.  “Fuck yeah, Andy!  You’ve got such a nice tight hole.  FUCKING TAKE THIS SHIT!  TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU FUCKING LOVE IT!  YOU LOVE HAVING BIG BRO’S COCK INSIDE YOU!”“OH MACKY!  MY TIGHT HOLE FUCKING LOVE’S YOUR BIG BRO COCK!  UGHHHHH MMMMMMMMMMM PLEASE!!!  PLEASE FUCK ME HARDER-OH! FUCK MMMMM YEAH!!!!!”“SUCH” *THRUST* “A NICE” *THRUST THRUST* “BOYCUNT!  UNGGGGGGYEAH TAKE THAT DICK!” *THRUST THRUST THRUST THRUST THRUST THRUST!!!!!!!!* “MACKY!!! THANK YOU, MACKY!” I holler in joy as I see the look of ecstasy in his face before he leans back down and buries his face in my neck, giving my hickey a hickey as he uses his hands to rub up and down my smooth and toned body, making special attention to my developing pecs as he grabs that lean muscle and squeezes, using his thumbs to flick my nipples.  This continues for almost half an hour, leaving me borderline hallucinogenic, when Macky finally says, “GET ON ALL FOURS!  I’M GONNA FUCKING CUM!  I’M SO CLOSE, ANDY!  BIG BRO’S GONNA BREED YOUR HOLE LIKE THE BOYCUNT SLUT YOU ARE!”I enthusiastically get on hands and knees as Macky lunges at me, spearing all eight inches inside me in one rough animalistic thrust!“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH” I scream in a shrill voice.“SHUT UP, ANDY!  FUCKING FUCK!  SO CLOSE!  DO YOU WANT THIS LOAD?!  YOU WANT BIG BRO’S HOT CUM FLOODING YOUR INSIDES!”“UNNNNNGGGGGG YES, MACKY!  PLEASE FILL ME WITH YOUR Hot CUM!!!!“I’M GONNA DUMP THIS LOAD IN YOU AND MAKE YOU MINE FOREVER!  THIS-UNNNNNNGGGGYEAH!!!!-THIS HOLE BELONGS TO ME NOW!”“YES MACKY!  MY TIGHT BOYCUNT BELONGS TO YOU NOW!  WHENEVER YOU WANT, MY HOLE IS YOURS!  I’M LUCKY TO RECEIVE YOUR HOT LOADS!” I yell as my face is scrunched up in overwhelming pain and pleasure.  I use my ass muscles to try to milk the cum right out of Macky’s cock, so desperate to be filled, but Macky just grabs on to me tightly and says, “NOT YET!”Fuck!  I feel my balls tightening.  I just can’t take it anymore!  The feeling of Macky filling up Andy’s hole and the satisfaction it brings me!  I start breathing deeply, grunting and moaning as the pressure builds.  But Macky can sense this; he grabs me by my throat and turns my head around as he tells me, “You don’t have big bro’s permission!”I clench tightly, holding back this orgasm as he keeps thrusting inside me, sliding his cock against all my stretched out muscles and nerve endings and pounding that abused prostate!  Oh FUCK!!! THIS IS SO HARD!  I NEED TO CUM OH GOD I NEED TO CUM!“PLEASE MACKY!” I wail with desperation.  The force of my effort to clench this orgasm inside is making my abs and groin feel like they’re going to rip into shreds.  I scream in agony as the pressure keeps building, refusing to be subdued by me.  I make a fist and desperately start pounding the bed as Macky keeps using his strong hips and abs to slide his meat in my smaller body, hovering over me in a display of ownership and dominion.  “MACKY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!” I scream as tears begin streaming down my face.“OH, ANDY! HERE IT COMES!   HERE-UNNNGGGG-IT FUCKING-OH SHIT-CUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSS!” Macky roars as he finally grabs onto me and pulls me so tight into his final thrust that I think our bodies might merge.  He digs that cock deeper and harder than ever before as a flood of cum explodes out of his cock, making my hole feel warm and full as he keeps grunting, fucking ropes and ropes of cum into my satisfied boycunt.  “OHHHHH FUCK!” Macky yells as he looks down and sees that he’s cumming so much that each thrust is squeezing previous cum out of my flooded hole, making room for the next load that shoots out of his orgasmic cock.  I Finally let go and I can’t even describe what I feel as my untouched cock finally gets sweet sweet relief.  I just pass the fuck out!I wake up several hours later, or at least I think it’s several hours later.  It’s dark in Macky’s room now, so I’m guessing it’s night time.  I’m still pinned down comfortably on my stomach as his larger and more muscular body is passed out on top of me.  His cock is soft now, but it’s big enough that it’s still plugged inside me, bringing me a sense of comfort and safety as I drift back to sleep, a smile plastered on my face as Macky’s light snoring serves as my lullaby.  I briefly have a flashback to the game we went to together just two short days ago when I first started making my move.  Oh how far we’ve come (and cum) since then.“I love you, Macky,” are my last words right before I close Andy’s eyes, finally happy that I have the perfect life.

[usernamingishard]

Life is a montage: atleast mine is

 As a child I had a strong connection to film, stories, books and cartoons. But first, let me take a moment to describe that any matter, any entity, any item or concept, any notion or instrument is but a branch, with many branching leaves or sometimes further branches. A computer is not just a computer, it's also what that computer can do, it's also what that computer is made of, it's also a single technological advancement amid a timeline of others, it's also a conversation about the gadgets available for the youth. So when I say I had a strong connection to film, stories, books and cartoons, I don't mean just the narration of other's lives through whatever media available whether that media is a book or TV show. What I mean is, I am interested in the concept of three act structure, I am interested in the concept of reocurring themes, I am interested in the power and effect of framing, I am interested in the expression of emotion through facial expressions in movies, and sound effects in cartoons. I spent my childhood delving into stories of heroes, of villains turned good guys, of Romance, of the friendship between a boy and his dog, of how people go through heartache, of how High school is going to be, of what bullies look like and how to stand up to them. I see Movie, Books and cartoons (I'll call Media for short) in every day life, and I see every aspect of my life in Media. This could be called natural, everyone has had their head wrapped around something as a child, but Media is different in that it is an expression of life itself, so in these 50 years since the first product of film, and thousands since the first written word, every part of life has been incorporated atleast once. It'll be very hard to remember a concept or matter or life event that hasn't been mentioned in one way or another in a movie, let alone books. Technologies' effects on life? Black mirror is a single example. Hitler or pearl harbor? Inglorious bastards and a movie of the same name. Coffee? I think you can take a few minutes to find a movie where a character invites to have coffe or drinks. Standing up to bullies? I guess all/most of the superhero movies? However, when Media express them, they express them in such dramatic and impactful way, and I learned that, and incorporated it into my expectations. each wink furthers or enhances the plot, each misstep or stutter is exposition about the character, each door opening scene is suspense. Naturally, the way the plot moves also becomes of the things that I expect in life. There's a happy ending for every plot and subplot, the main character (easily known to be me) gets the love of his life, and there's a solution and reason to this emptiness I feel inside me.

But real life? It's nothing like that. Many times a family member may make me doubt myself without even them actually being toxic, nor should I leave them, nor do we solve their attitude, either by talking or actual effort, unlike any of the movies I've watched. I've never had a relationship no matter the efforts I've payed into the few crushes that I've had the past few years, even though that's how all books end. And the personal flaws in the main character have been with me since childhood, unlike any of the comic book characters I've read grow over them. And worst? Music doesn't play whenever something important happens. Life feels unscripted, random, inconsiderate, unfeeling. I feel out of place so often that I don’t consider myself to be a normal neurotypical, even though I most probably am. However, none of this compares to the aftermath of my last crush. For reasons I shan't delve into, I very vigorously wished to accomplish having her by my side, and as such, turned her standards into my own goals, and became obsessed with bursting through limits not set for me. All through that period, and a few months after rejection, I was left clueless. I had a line to success that I was not on, neither at the failing side nor at the successful side. I felt out of tune. I knew I wasn't a man, and I knew I wasn't human. because I set my whole world on that scale that I was not even in league with. I wasn't under her standards nor was I above, I was her friend. A different zone, you could say. She appreciated and loved me without the hope of being her lover, but I didn't acknowledge that. During that year, nothing made sense, everything I've ever seen in a movie or a book or a TV show was far from applicable to my life. There were no happy endings, no retribution, no closure infact, no good music, no starry skies, no good times with good friends, no family bonding moments. I spent that period just attending school and sleeping. A lifeless robot going through the norms. Meanwhile, inside me was something heavy crushing against my ribs, that although heavy, was empty.

So, I learned to not think about it. This was a very hard lesson that I learned to master. I cut off from my crush for a while,  got busy in friends, in anytime I had outside, in any small accomplishments I can consider. Slowly I started to acknowledge the good little things, such as that one positive friend, listening to a good song without interruption, and having lunch with the family after being too hungry at school. I acknowledged throughout that whole time that a girl wasn’t and couldn’t have been the reason behind the way I feel. It’s just that life didn’t go my way for the millionth time, and that was just my last straw. I accepted that life has no absolutely no algorithms, artistic cycles or patterns, in other words no set series of events and experiences, reocurring themes or chronological set of circumstances and changes. As I said, I started to appreciate the little things, and accepted that this is all there is to life. No big event or shocking marriage or solution to a world problem, just a good cup of coffee every once in a while, and a new gift from a good considerate friend every other.

There's a drug in Egypt called Hash. I suspect that it's nothing more than a less intense version of weed, and those who I know tried both have said the same, but that’s not scientific evidence so I can’t say anything for sure. Basically, a high means any train of thought is 1. Unstopped, you can get to as deep a level as you’d like in thinking about something, and 2. It feels right. No matter what’s the issue you’re thinking about, you’re right to think about it now, you have the solution to it, it doesn’t feel out of place, and you’re accepted. But the train of thought can be anything. That’s why my friends who are there for the laughs can joke with each other and laugh for hours, while I can literally watch a movie and feel so ingrained into it. Mind you, not a movie on TV, a movie through my eyes. And that was my high, but lemme start from the beginning.

I was with a friend, and another called us, told us he has some stuff to try, so I told him to come. It wasn’t a blunt, it was a pure piece of the stuff, that we could put in a cup, hang a cigarette between the walls of the cup, and burn the Hash. You close the cup with a wallet or anything really, and when there is enough gas collected in there, u remove the wallet and inhale. We did that, playing nothing else matters by Metalica. A friend was laughing in silence, and the other was having red eyes and staring into the wilderness, and I was completely sane and normal. when the hash was snuffed out, they fished out the cigarette and gave it to me. I smoked it, when for some reason the latter half of the cigarette fell. I looked at it, and in a single moment I felt like I didn’t have within me the energy to pick it up in a million years. Thankfully my friend did, and gave me ashtray and told me to snuff the cigarette out, it’s done. I did as commanded, laid my back to the chair’s back, and everything cut to black.

What I thought being on drugs would feel like, was exactly what I felt. Although I have zero memories of this time and instantly woke up to people trying to wake me up, I remembered later feeling absolutely enthralled and impressed at every thought, and the sheer force of final solution that I had reached. I didn't have a single speck of trouble finding the solution to anything I thought, and I was so accurate. Nothing else matters, who does it represent to me? Of course my best friend from high school. Why? Well easily because when the singer says "never cared for what they do, ... what they know" we had a conversation that was just like that. And of course it makes sense that in this moment of high, I'd think of him, because he's the type of best friend I'd wanna show this feeling to, and because his moral compass might challenge the idea of smoking anyway, and indeed I felt like I did not at any moment question if this is right or wrong and just jumped into it. So it's natural that that thought would affect the next one.

What you just heard was flawless argument. There was no pressure to find the right thing to say, no wait process, and not a single moment of loss where something feels out of place or is the wrong answer. After I woke up from the black, I found that I was crying my balls out, and my two friends were trying to wake me to see what's up. They took me to the bathroom to wash my face. You know that dramatic scene in a movie where you look in a mirror and stare real hard so you start to regain control? I did that. My friend said salty things wake you up, so he brought us a sandwich. You know the after credits of The Avengers, how after all the thrill and action of the fight, the next scene to contrast that was the Shawerma scene? That's exactly what I saw, one friend munching in silence as he looked at the ground, the other contemplating god knows what in the sky. To almost make me regain consciousness the friend who brought the stuff went "what y'all just went through, that's trippin'", kinda like how a mafia guy goes "it's alright you have nothing to worry about all you need to do is etc, etc." And that's exactly what I was describing in the beginning. Every single breath these guys took, every single moment of silence, every chat was something out of a movie, and I was having the goddamn time of a lifetime. I was giggling like a lunatic, and at one point raised my hand and made a frame as if I'm filming them, zooming with my eye at the person who's speaking. Everything about a movie, I was so in control and comprehension of. For example, I once was sitting with some people at a pool. I'd look at the pool, the green, blue aqua lights, together with the waves of water would feel so serene and calm and beach like. I'd feel alone, relaxed, sleepy, everything you ever heard about looking at the beach. Then I'd flip my head 20 degrees to the left, and I'd see my friends. Even though we're still at the pool, the scenery changes so strongly, I'd suddenly feel more awake, feel a crowd of people even though there's only four others, feel socially awkward as I usually am around people. Feel the colours change towards orangy red. Look back to the pool, get sleepy, serene, quiet, look to the friends, feel awake, hyper, attentive, awkward. I also did that a couple of times because I was so amazed at how strange everything that was.

I smoked a whole bunch of times since then. I can't put the things in words that would do it justice.

Now, returning to my normal life, something quite strange started to take place. The thing that was lacking in my life, those scenic moments, those expectations, they started to somehow come alive. I started to learn things and change in personality, it felt as though every trip to the beach came at the right time and so I appreciated it more, I

[jefferyryanlong]

Fresh Listen - Julien Baker, Turn Out the Lights (Matador, 2017)

(Some pieces of recorded music operate more like organisms than records. They live, they breathe, they reproduce. Fresh Listen is a periodic review of recently and not so recently released albums that crawl among us like radioactive spiders, gifting us with superpowers from their stingers.)

I was looking for a record. 

Not a particular record, just something I could unsleeve and carefully place through a spindle, that I could trigger and let play while I cooked. 

I’d gotten burned out trying to absorb the slapdash arrangement of familiar and foreign music my streaming service’s algorithm had been offering. I was tired of flailing in the pit of infinite music data. I wanted to put something on. I wanted a full piece of someone’s mind--edited, maybe, but unabridged.

So I was looking for a record. Not something I might have had on CD already--occasionally I’ll pick up a vinyl reissue if the price is right. I wanted something new. A mystery I could decode slowly, at my leisure. I went Hungry Ear and, after weighing my options, bought Julien Baker’s late 2017 release, Turn Out the Lights.

I hadn’t heard anything form the album. In fact, I only recalled Baker’s work as something I heard in passing, through NPR’s 24-hour music stream, that may not have actually been her (comparing this album to the faded memory of a feeling of a tune makes me realize that it probably wasn't her at all). 

Turn Out the Lights begins with the brief instrumental “Over,” a song that, with its arpeggiated piano notes and muted but expressive strings, might be better served as the closing track on a different record. Indeed, the song comes across as a piece of a score to an independent drama, to be played at the film’s emotionally wrung-out denouement. However, Baker ingeniously programs this prelude to segue to the first single from the album, “Appointments,” the keys of the piano seamlessly morphing into the plucked strings of a guitar. “Maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvasses” she sings, casting the void created by a departed lover as the blank form onto which she can configure her art. Midway through “Appointments,” the chords of a piano ground Baker’s floating vocal just as it soars upward toward a powerful and recurring manifestation, a mellifluous barbaric yawp of near unlimited possibilities, tuneful and compelling as its skirts its breaking points over a cycle of songs about heartbreak, mental illness, and understanding profound loss. 

Throughout the album, Baker’s voice slides between overlapping lines, often accompanying herself in layered harmonies, such that the minimal arrangements require no additional ornamentation. “There’s a hole in the drywall, still not fixed / I just haven’t gotten around to it / And besides, I’m starting to get used to to the gaps” she sings on Turn Out the Light’s title track, effectively making the case for her lyrical forms in general. Her aching love songs may appear conventional until they are arrested by a striking visual image (”punching my fist through the wall of a Motel Six”), and are not dependent on a straightforward narrative. “The gaps” also outlines her thesis for the simplified musical accompaniment throughout. It was only after several listens that I realized this passionate record is devoid of drums and bass. Baker’s gut punch comes from the interplay of her singing with a modestly managed guitar or piano. She doesn’t even operate with a twang, or fall back on any well-worn musical idiom to get her point across. 

Unless we consider “singer-songwriter” to be an idiom unto itself. Like Joni Mitchell, or Paul Simon, or Laura Nyro, or James Taylor, who sometimes inflected their compositions with gospel, blues, country, and soul, but mostly reworked those influences as idiosyncratic expressions communicable as an extension of some purer spirit they exercised, Baker, on Turn Out the Lights, creates a kind of Baker-world for the listener to explore for forty minutes or so, a confessional in which the obvious genres and popular song forms are sublimated into a naked voice expressing a melody not identifiable as anything else than what it is. “When I turn out the lights” she sings, “there’s no one else / between myself / and me,” and for a second you feel the comfort she finds in this aloneness. Immediately after, though, she subverts the line with a repetition, infecting the sentiment with dread: “But when I turn out the lights / there’s no one else / between myself / and me.” 

In Baker’s case, the grist for the artist’s mill is fear and pain.

“If I could do what I want / I would become and electrician” she sings on “Happy to Be Here,” a song that is most assuredly not about being happy in any sense. In “Hurt Less”: “I used to never wear a seat belt / ‘cause I said I didn’t care.” Part of the fun in listening to Turn Out the Lights is discovering how Baker resolves these seemingly random ideas. She allows herself the space to work out the lyrical puzzles, so that the melodies of her songs are defined by a poetic stream-of-consciousness full of internal rhymes, non-sequiturs, and striking details. 

“Even,” might be the record’s most pop-oriented effort. Its syncopated vocal line and rhythmically strummed chords, as well as a defined chorus, could very well translate to a beautifully depressive indie electro-dance number. Of course, it deals with the complicated way of presenting oneself as good when the motivations of one’s actions are inherently evil. Perhaps not the best content material for a dance song.

I was looking for a record, and I piked up Julien Baker’s Turn Out the Lights. This isn’t jolly, jukebox music. This is heavy, strip away the illusions of the ugly, craving heart to reveal that we’re all, no matter the theories or politics, pitiable beings with uncontrollable emotions, which generally do us wrong. We need confirmation of that at times. It makes us feel less alone.

[smilingformoney]

America’s Most Eligible 3 Diamond Scene: Cram Sesh with Adam

You: First impressions are crucial. I’ve gotta find Adam! Wrenn: Good luck, Jamie. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

You walk into the living room to find Adam chatting with Mackenzie, Derek, and Jen. Adam: I’m so nervous, I changed six times this morning! Derek: That’s… Maid of Honour: Insane? Officiant: A workout? Adam: I’ll take option C… All of the above. You: Glad to see I’m not the only one who’s nervous. Before we meet the parents, we should prep each other for what to expect. Adam: Count me in. Derek: If there’s a chance of finding out what makes you two tick, we want in. You: We’ll take all the help we can get. Let’s meet on the roof in five.

You, Adam, and your friends regroup on the roof. As you all settle in around the table, you turn to look at Adam. You: Okay… Tell me everything I need to know about your parents. Adam: Are you kidding? I wouldn’t know where to start! Maid of Honour: How about the beginning? After all, Jamie’s gonna need to know your family inside and out if they’re gonna make a good impression. Officiant: That might take a little longer than we have. Officiant: You should start with how well you get along with them. Whether you see eye-to-eye can say a lot about a person. Derek: That’s a good idea, but this is also about making Jamie feel comfortable meeting them. What do you want to know, Jamie? You: As important as it is to know about Adam’s relationship with his family…

You: I really just wanna know… -Whether they approve of me.

You: Between the craziness in the mansion and the producers’ editing for drama, there’s no telling what they think! Adam: Everyone knows you can’t trust anything you see on TV. Nobody’s gonna judge you for that.

-How I can impress them.

You: Meeting the parents is hard enough without trying to appeal to a demographic. I need a cheat sheet! Derek: Hmm… I see your point. There’s gotta be some advice Adam can give you…

Maid of Honour: Adam, you know your family better than any of us. What do you think Jamie should know about them? Adam: Uh… My aunt’s he only redhead in six generations… You: That’s… actually kinda cool. Officiant: As interesting as that is, I don’t think it’s gonna help Jamie today. Adam: I’m sorry. There’s so much I could say, I’m blanking on what’s need-to-know. Derek: Would it help if Jen, Mackenzie, and I go first? It’ll give you an example of what’s important… Maid of Honour: And Jamie can learn more about our families too. You: Works for me. Why don’t we start with…

Whose turn is it? -Mackenzie!

You: Tell me about your dad, Mackenzie. Is he as cool as your little sister Natalie? Mackenzie: Cooler. As cliché as it sounds, I’ve got the best dad in the world. Mackenzie: Right from the start, he never saw me as anything less than his daughter. He’s patient, easy to talk to, kind, selfless… Mackenzie: Basically everything my mother isn’t. You: Whoa… I’ve never heard you mention your mom, Mackenzie. Jen: On your audition reel, you said you grew up with a single father. Mackenzie: I did. My mom left us fifteen years ago. No note, no explanation, just an empty closet where her clothes should’ve been. Derek: That had to be terrible. Mackenzie: It was worse for Natalie. My dad was a mess, and she didn’t understand what was happening. I had to take care of everything. Adam: But you were just a kid! Mackenzie: That’s why he asked me to stop helping. He said it was like watching his worst fear come true. You: I can see why. It’s obvious…

You: He was worried you would… -Waste your life taking care of everything else. +BACKGROUND

You: You were just a kid! That’s an impressionable time to take on such a huge responsibility. Mackenzie: I thought handling it all alone made me strong, but my dad taught me that my constant strength helped everyone but me. Mackenzie: His favourite thing to say is, ‘Strength is for workhorses and machines. You’re only human, Mackenzie.’ You: Wise words.

-Flunk out of school. -BACKGROUND

You: There’s no way you’d have been able to do that and keep your grades up. You’d have never made it to law school! Mackenzie: I’m sure that crossed his mind, but I think he was more afraid I’d feel obligated to take care of him forever. You: Wow, Mackenzie. Were things that bad? Mackenzie: Bad enough that I’d gotten used to being strong for all of us. But my dad wanted to see me become more. Mackenzie: I think I got my determination from him. You: I’m sure you exceeded his expectations.

-Derek!

You: What’s the most important thing to know about your parents? Derek: Probably that they’re polar opposites. My dad’s a fun-loving, free spirit from Colorado… Derek: While my mom’s more of the practical type. She was born in Haiti and immigrated to the U.S. as a kid in the ‘70s. Mackenzie: That’s so cool! Jen: I’m sure it has its moments. Having immigrant parents can be complicated. Derek: I love having that connection to our culture, and I’ve even gone to visit where she grew up… Derek: But it made me realise how much she sacrificed for us to have the life that we do. Derek: Sometimes, I feel like anything less than success is letting her down. Adam: That’s a lot to put on one person. You: Especially when there are so many different types of success. Derek: not in her book. Doctor, lawyer, engineer… Those are the careers she wishes I’d join. Derek: And I’ve thought about it. I know it would make her happy, but…

You: But you… -Don’t want to pretend to be someone you’re not. +BACKGROUND

You: You may be an analytical genius, but I’ve seen your work. You belong in the arts, and you know it. Derek: I love my mom, and I know she just wants me to be stable, but living a rich and fulfilling life takes more than money. Derek: Sometimes, all I need is to good around with my friends. You: The best way to honour her sacrifice is with your happiness. Everything else will come.

-Don’t think you’d be good at it. -BACKGROUND

You: Those careers are prestigious for a reason. There’s no shame in admitting you’re not up for the challenge. Derek: I developed an algorithm that accurately predicts the next AME winner ninety-two percent of the time. I can handle the work. Derek: It’s just not who I am. I’m at my best when we’re hanging out and goofing off… not working eighty-hour weeks. You: Alright, smartypants. You have a point.

-Jen!

You: Were your parents strict growing up? Jen: That’s one word for it. My dad was in the military, so discipline and order were always the priority. Jen: He and my mom wanted the best for me, but living like that placed duty over fun. I always did what I had to, never what I wanted. Adam: That had to be tough. Derek: I can’t imagine having to toe the company line even as a kid. Jen: It’s part of why I wanted to be a flight attendant. We moved because someone said so. They flew because they were free to. Mackenzie: Not to mention you’d be in control of the snacks. You: when you put it like that, it sounds like a perfect fit. What changed? Jen: Everything. Jen’s eyes water, and her gaze falls to the floor. You watch her wipe away a tear and reach out to hold her hand. Jen: My dad was killed during his deployment, and after that, nothing was the same. My mom, especially. Jen: She stopped caring about my homework and encouraged me to do things I loved. It’s how I found producing. Jen: When I asked her why, she said losing my dad put everything into perspective.

You: Sounds like she wanted you to… -Love your work. -BACKGROUND

You: But I don’t think she meant for you to bring it home with you. Jen laughs through her tears. Jen: I think she just wanted me to see that there was more to life than work. Jen: I’ve always been passionate about every project I’ve taken on, and she wanted me to live life that same way. You: I think we can call that mission accomplished.

-Live life to the fullest. +BACKGROUND

You: You attack everything with pure passion, Jen. She just wanted you to have a life that you were crazy about. You: I’m sure they both did. Jen: There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss him, but I know he’d be proud of me. You: One thing’s for sure… I know I am. Jen: Thanks, Jamie…

Adam: Okay, I think I’ve got the hang of this. You: Perfect. So tell me… You: What’s the number one thing I need to know about my future in-laws? Adam: Well, their hearts are in the right place, but my parents are massive worrywarts. Adam: Though I guess that’s my fault. After the way Season 9 ended for me, I wasn’t really in the best headspace. Mackenzie: I don’t see how you could’ve been. Vince and Sierra’s plan was brutal. Jen: That was the night the Bad Boy of AME was born. Overnight, you were like a completely different person. Derek: I saw clips of your time in the Jury House. You were cold, man. You: If you became someone they didn’t recognise, that’s enough to make any parent worried. Adam: Once they saw how guarded the show made me, it turned them against reality TV. If they had their way, I’d have never stepped foot on set again. You: But you’re so much better now! You: If nothing else, AME showed you who your real friends are. They’ve gotta at least see that. Adam: I think it’s been hard getting that image of me out of their heads. Before, I was their perfect, loving son… Adam: Now, when they look at me…

You: All they can see is… -Their little boy. -BACKGROUND

You: Parents can have a hard time seeing their adult children as anything other than the kids they used to be. Adam: Not in this case. You guys weren’t the only ones chipping away at the wall I put up. My parents just never realised it had fallen. You: That has to be frustrating. Adam: They mean well. My dad actually suggested I should be more like you. He thinks you’re the perfect role model. You: Smart man.

-The wall you put up. +BACKGROUND

You: And it’s like they can’t get past it. Adam: Exactly. The way they look at me… I just feel like they’re waiting on the other shoe to drop. You: They aren’t going to hate me because you came back for the wedding… Are they? Adam: Not a chance. Before I left, my mom mentioned it would be good for me to be around someone as open as you. You: Then I’m glad to be of service.

-How handsome you are! -BACKGROUND

You: And they’re not the only ones. Adam chuckles. Adam: I favour my dad, so he might agree with you, but they just don’t believe I’m not that closed off person anymore. You: I can’t imagine how hard it’s been trying to persuade them. Adam: On the bright side, my mom thinks your open personality is just what I need to come back around. You: You know what they say… ‘Mother knows best’.

Adam: I just wish there was some way for them to see how hard I’ve worked to grow past that season.

You: Adam… -I can’t believe I didn’t know that. +50

You: We’ve known each other for almost a year, and this is the first time you’ve ever mentioned any of that. Adam: There’s a lot of things we still don’t know about each other, but that’s the beauty of getting married. Adam: We’ve got the rest of our lives to learn them.

-Thank you for sharing that with me. +50

You: I know being vulnerable isn’t easy. I’m just happy you trust me enough to let me in. Adam: You’re gonna be my spouse. I feel like I can tell you anything.

Derek: This has definitely been a bonding experience. You: I never would’ve guessed any of the things you guys told me. You play it pretty close to the vest. Maid of Honour: You’re one to talk. You’re the biggest mystery of us all. You: Me? I’m an open book! Adam: I wouldn’t go that far. You’ve heard all about our families, and I don’t even know your mom’s name! You: That’s easy…

Her name is… [Name your mom]

Adam: Diana… Well, that’s one less thing to worry about. You: You have nothing to be afraid of. Once she sees how happy you make me, she’ll welcome you into the family with open arms. You: But if you really want to get on her good side…

You: You should… -Compliment her!

You: Whoever said that flattery could get you anywhere must’ve had my mom in mind. Adam: Time to turn up the charm. I’ll keep an eye out for just the right moment.

-Mind your manners!

You: My mom is a stickler for all things prim and proper. Adam: Good to know… I guess I’ll have to be on my best behaviour.

-Dote on me!

You: My mom has been spoiling me for years. She’ll want to make sure my future spouse can keep up the trend. Adam: Spoil you rotten… Got it!

The heavy metal door opens, and Wrenn pokes their head out. Wrenn: It’s showtime. Are you all ready? You: As ready as we’ll ever be.