#this was basically written as stream of consciousness

[clowngremlin]

thinking about the inkheart message board i went on from like 2009-2011......i wonder if the other people who went on it still think of me or am i just sentimental...... i think about them often and i hope they all grew up to be happy..... inkers for life.....

[ohnoitstbskyen]

As a bear who is into other bears, I'm apprehensive but excited about the fandom-wide adoration of Senshi's design from Dungeon Meshi. Fandom of old has a habit of framing older, heavier, hairier men as sex icons purely ironically, but the love Senshi has garnered feels... different. It feels far more sincere and any comments are at worst playful jabs. Why do you think Senshi has captured so many hearts?

Well, Senshi is a well-presented, interesting, empathetic and funny character who is portrayed really really well in the anime, that's really the core of it.

Also, a caring, attentive man who is deeply invested in his hobby and eager to tell you about it, who takes care of your needs and makes space for your eccentricities and who can also cook is the sheets-soakingly horny throbbing center of a LOT of people's erotic imagination. Dungeon Meshi presented that archetype earnestly and without ironic distance or mockery, and people responded.

It also matters a lot, I think, that the show itself takes Senshi and his physicality seriously as something interesting and worthwhile about him. I've written a post about it elsewhere, but Ryuko Kui takes character design seriously, and designs characters with a real interest in their bodies and presentation. Whether or not she meant for Senshi to be sexy, her art seems to take joy from portraying his body as something which it is worth your time to look at and appreciate.

And that's a big point of difference with how not just bear-type characters but all characters in a story are portrayed. A lot of anime treat its characters mostly as clothing racks to hang cool costumes on, and physical difference is only really employed visually as a means of abjection, a means to alienate or separate a character from the norm. Dungeon Meshi largely avoids this - in the visual language of that story, physical difference is the norm, and at least to me, that creates much more of a feeling of non-judgment about how the characters are portrayed.

So Senshi isn't stocky and hairy because ha ha eww look at the hairy man gross, he's stocky and hairy because that's a normal thing to be for him. There's a greater neutrality there, and this avoids passing bias on to the audience, and creates more space for appreciation.

... I think, anyway. I've been awake for like 20 hours and I'm loopy and this sh** is basically just off the dome in a stream of consciousness, I have no idea if any of this makes sense.

[tmbgareok]

(JF here. Apologies to the poster who was asking about the song The Fellowship of Hell. Basically wondering about the meaning of the song, and if it was “stream of consciousness”. As I was attempting to post my reply I somehow deleted the post. Hope they see this)

So to directly answer your question—I was not going for stream of consciousness at all. It was written and edited over some months. The meaning really isn't an ambiguous to me, but the way it lands might be perplexing or vague. It is a semi-unreliable narrator, as it���s point of view is from someone who is more “in the life” of rock and roll than me, but hey. Maybe not. It’s a song about how in spite of knowing they are part of a community, many creative people actually feel trapped and on their own.

From the intro, The “rock had a baby” part is drawing on the old phrase “the blues had a baby and they called it rock ‘n’ roll”. I was excited by the line "rock had a baby and they called it “AHHHH””--like the baby was just a monster. My thinking was what would you even call rock’s baby? Rock’s has spun in to so many desperate, and sometimes vile, impulses and then finally if the most monsterous of these impulses also had a baby, would it be relatable at all?   (Remembering now I had some lines about being the end of a family tree that didn’t cross the finish line) And yet this music scene that I’m witnessing (and that I’m in) is so very lively, so many people are toiling in their own very narrow subcultures.

The phrase "fellowship of hell" also relates to the Flying Dutchman story, which is to say how much comfort is there having company when you’re all damned? The final lines about driving just referred to the the way folks can be so reckless.

[baronessvonglitter]

🔥Vulgar Display of Power🔥

(Part 1 of "The Assistant From Hell")

Marcus Moreno x OFC Cat Cruz | WC: 4.9K

Summary: Being Marcus Moreno's assistant is an easy gig for Cat Cruz. Until she makes an impulsive decision to show she's more than meets the eye.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! M for Mature. Allusions to smut. Adult language. First person narrative and maybe even an unreliable narrator? Mentions of pyromania. Petty violence. Brief allusions to kinks. One vulgar (but also pretty cool) display of power. Cat is basically a walking Intrusive Thought.

A/n: Hi my name is Adriana, and one time when I was a kid I ate an entire bag of miniature Milky Ways and then I threw up. We were on a road trip and I was reading while the car was in motion.. so that's how I found out I get motion sickness 😎

A couple months ago I was really stuck on a couple of fics I was working on, and so to get unstuck I started a stream of consciousness exercise, written entirely in first person. This is the result - with some polishing and editing lol. Cat's story is going to be told through parts rather than chapters, because it might be one of those stories that doesn't really have a true end, just a collection of adventures. I plan on sprinkling in a few P-bois in later chapters (and this one!)

dividers by @kodaswrld 👑

MARCUS MORENO MASTERLIST | FULL MASTERLIST

You can call me Cat.

Not Catherine. Only cops and judges call me that.

And don't you dare start with Cathy or the godforsaken Kitty.

The last man who called me Kitty.. well..

To put it lightly, that man is no longer among the living on this earth.

To put it darkly I jammed an ice pick through the base of his skull.

But let's not get caught up in that. I tend to get easily distracted, so bear with me.

Anyway it's a typical fucking Monday and because I live in a society I'm driving my shitty canary yellow Saturn SW to my job at Heroics HQ instead of relaxing on a nude beach somewhere getting tan all over or partying somewhere in Dubai and getting a billionaire to give over all his money.

It sucks being an adult. But you already know this. I'm not here to tell you things you know, I'm here to tell a story. So be quiet and listen.

😊

I pick up a couple drinks at Starbucks and cruise into my assigned parking space at work. Mine says Employee of the Year in thick black marker, as it has since the day I started working there and wrote it in thick black marker. It should say Milennium instead of Year, but there's not enough space on the sign and I always forget how to spell 'milennium.' Anyone else who tries to park here mysteriously gets their tires slashed. It's a crazy and sad world we live in. Some people just don't have any sense of right and wrong.

Anyway, I haven't had to slash anyone's tires in awhile, which has made for a boring few weeks. Did I mention how boring my job is? But it's safe, and it pays really well. Plus my boss.. well, you'll see..

I saunter into the office and--

Did I mention my outfit? I didn't, did I? Well I look fucking good. 😉

Much of my paycheck goes to keep me dressed in L'ecole des Femmes, which isn't cheap, but holy fuck have you seen the clothes?? Today I'm in my usual Belle de Jour dress with the oh-so-necessary black Louboutins (genuine, thank you very much!) with white ruffle socks and my hair in a high ponytail with a black bow. My hair's dark so the bow doesn't always show, but I like knowing it's there, making me look very coquette. The red lips and black winged liner let everyone know I'm not to be fucked with.

Here we go.

I waltz in, drink holder in hand as I flash my badge and am given entry to the building. Blowing the security guard a kiss, I make my way to the elevator bank, the doors gliding right open for me as if they know I'm here. The ride goes by so damn slow but no one in this building seems to give a damn. They're all a fit bunch who take the stairs. Well la-dee-da my preferred cardio is--

Eep. Fourth floor. My heart rate speeds up a little bit. Adrenaline courses through my veins, waking up every sense, firing off neurons left and right. I feel all tingly, like my spider senses are activated.

He's here! I can already hear his voice from out here in the hallway.

Sauntering into the office (by the way, have you ever "sauntered" in Louboutins? It ain't easy work, honey. It's a goddamn art, which I have perfected. Most people would probably fall and break their nose trying to walk a mile in my shoes but that's okay because I am Cat Full of Grace and I am a rarity among all).

Fuck, I got sidetracked. Okay, so I saunter into the office and am met with the sight of my boss, arms crossed as he leans against the doorway of his office, speaking with one of the other employees.

Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears starts playing in my head and as if in slow motion he turns to look at me, a little smile on his face.

"You're late, Miss Cruz," he says, a bit sternly.

"Fashionably so," I do a little spin in my outfit, hoping he'll get excited by how short my skirt is.

"It's ten thirty. You're supposed to start work at eight." He is most definitely not looking at my legs. Bummer.

"I'm late because I stopped to get you a drink," I hand him a cup, lighting up when our fingers touch.

"What is it?" he asks, looking pleasantly surprised that I'd thought about him on my morning commute.

"Actually, I'm not sure. But surprises are the spice of life, am I right?" I take the cup from him and sip it, swishing it around in my mouth for a bit before swallowing. "Mocha latte, extra whip," I proudly announce, handing him back the warm cup of coffee. He stares at the ruby bloom of my lipstick stain on the lid.

"Did you know they just make a bunch of drinks and then leave them out on the counter, completely unattended?" I giggle as I put my purse away, finally taking a sip of my own drink and getting a big gulp of matcha. Ugh. Well, at least it was free.

A confused look crosses his face as he pieces together what I'm saying. "Cat, I think these are mobile orders for other people. You literally stole drinks off the counter."

"I prefer 'swiped' over 'stole'," I correct him. "And anyway, those lazy fuckers can just go through the drive-through or wait in line like everyone else. I swear, some people are so self-righteous and egotistical."

The look on his face is priceless. His deep brown eyes get all big behind his glasses (did I mention he wears glasses? Rawr, people are a thousand percent hotter with glasses) and his lips get all pouty and o-shaped beneath his mustache--

Okay, stop. I know what you're thinking.

No, I don't have a crush on my boss. That's ridiculous and I'd laugh right in your face if you were here right now.

Marcus Moreno is conventionally attractive. That's all. Stop giving me that look.

Do you know how many hot guys I see every day? I work with goddamn superheroes. The abundance of testosterone makes every one of my coworkers a little more attractive. It's a pull on the pheromones or the ovaries or something, I'm not a scientist.

He's standing there, watching me with that adorably clueless look and I'm standing there like an idiot, watching him because he's so cute.

"Don't you have some work to do? While you're still employed by us?" he says, a little smirk on those lips that I definitely don't dream about kissing or imagine how soft they'd be on my skin.

"I'm right on top of that, Rose!" I say cheerfully. Marcus just gives me a blank look.

I put my hands on my hips, feigning annoyance. "Haven't you ever seen Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead?"

"Umm.." his lips pout as he genuinely tries to remember.

"Dude. that movie's like thirty years old by now. Do you not watch movies?"

"Of course, I watch movies with Missy all the time," he says a little defensively as he speaks about his daughter.

"I don't mean Pixar movies." I roll my eyes.

"Miss Cruz. Back to work," he says, a tinge of iron in his voice.

"Yes, sir." Jesus, when he says it like that, I can't help but follow orders.

I need to start on something to do, but I immediately start browsing Dolls Kill. There's a sale on platform heels! I think Marcus wouldn't mind if I get settled in before going through all those boring emails.

My nameplate says, I put the Ass in Assistant on the side that faces me. The other side just says Admin Assistant. (I've asked Accounting for a new one, but the department head is a bitch and says only team leaders are allowed personalized nameplates. But she has one. I asked if she's a team leader and she said no, just a department head. So I asked why she has a personalized nameplate. She said no, she's just a department head and I said well why do you get to have one, that doesn't seem fair, and she had no reply, just stared at me open-mouthed like a bass caught on a fishing pole.)

So yeah I started a small fire in her office, but she was okay and all the other accountants were at lunch, so nobody else would've gotten hurt anyway.

See? I got sidetracked again. C'mon, I need you to keep me from doing that!

God, it's boring. Does anyone else have a problem just diving into work? Who would dive headfirst into a pit of needes? I need to merge my way into this evil Monday morning.

I spin in my chair, sliding to my left to get a view of Marcus, who's typing something on his computer. His brows are knitted together, a small stray strand of hair falling over his forehead which he doesn't seem to notice. He looks so Clark Kent right now. Seriously, you'd love him.

Not that I do. Shut up!

Typically I wile the work day away as Marcus's personal assistant. I answer the phone and respond to emails, and I'm also in charge of his schedule, both work and personal.

He never has anything in his personal schedule. It makes me really sad for him. The most exciting thing he has planned this week is price comparing Roombas. (Yes, he actually carved out time just for that. Isn't that adorable?)

I line up work meetings, sometimes snoop around at his music collection. (I don't think he knows it's paired to my Bluetooth.) And often I'll play songs on my speaker that are his own playlist and he'll peek his head out of his office and say something cute like "Is that 'Porcelain' by Moby? I love that song!" and I know he loves it because I'm playing his playlist.

Right before lunch is when I feel it: like a fire in my bones (I'm not attempting to be poetic, that's really how it feels!) and a buzzing in my brain. My hearing goes all staticky and it's a battle just to keep control of my faculties.

'Hello, darling.'

Aw, damn it.

"What the fuck do you want?" I whisper to the voice in my head.

'Quite a rude way to greet an old friend, isn't it? Whatever happened to hello, how are you?'

"Get out of my head!" I whisper harshly. I hear Marcus's fingers abruptly stop typing.

'Thinking about that man's hands again, aren't you? They'd make a good necklace, wouldn't they?' the voice teases. 'I know you've always enjoyed the rough stuff.'

I hurry out of my seat and past Marcus's office. "Hey, you okay?" he calls out.

"Fine! Period emergency!" I shout back, making haste to the corner of the front hallway where no one goes.

"Seriously, dude, you need to leave me alone!" I whisper-hiss to the evil voice.

'You used to like when I come into your mind like this..' I can almost hear the pout in his voice.

"You're not welcome here!"

'Too late.'

My stomach heaves when he says that because it means he's actually near.

The elevator dings and the doors open up on my floor to reveal him -- the bane of my existence, the curse of all good things.

Come on, we've all had that ex.

"Not now!" I whisper

But he's already here, his entire personality taking up so much space in the hallway, brown curls falling over soulful dark eyes, a cigarette between his lips. There's no smoking allowed in the building, but what do I care, I started an office fire, remember?

"Why is that damn elevator so slow? Hey, don't I get a hug?" He opens his arms wide, his watercolor print shirt rising up a little to show his tummy.

"You can get fucked for all I care," is my stone cold reply as I cross my arms, not making a move towards him, showing him I Mean Business. "Go away! I didn't call you. How'd you even get past security?"

"You don't need to call me. I know when I'm needed. And I have my ways of getting in to where I want to be. You know that, Kitty Kat." He sidles up to me anyway, and I wince when he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

I groan at the nickname. "It's just Cat, with a C. And by the way, I need you like I need a limp dick."

"Classy as always, Cat-With-a-C." He makes himself at home in a chair in the empty waiting room. His cigarette never ashes, never gets used up or goes out. If he flicks it away he simply makes a new one appear and starts over again.

"I need you like I need a UTI. Speaking of which, how's the new wife?"

He groans. "Darling, you can't keep bringing up old shit. I thought we were past that."

"I am past it. You're the one who came to me." My arms are crossed, not relenting even a little, not even when he appraises my outfit. I already know what he's thinking.

"Something important is going to happen today," he says, grinning at me like a fool.

I sigh deeply. "What exactly?"

He says in that singsong voice I've come to loathe: "Don't pretend like you don't know..."

I pause, my body so still I swear I can feel the thrum of my heartbeat in every part of my body. "No.. no, please!" I whisper.

"I am afraid, darling, that it's not up to me. You forget that I know everything that's going to happen."

"Not true. You've always been a liar."

"And so are you. You're an extension of me. Aren't you tired of pretending, Cat? Don't you want to show everyone what you're truly capable of?"

Just then Marcus approaches, and I back away from my unwanted and uninvited guest as if to let him know hell no I'm not with this dude.

He appraises us with a look of concern, his dark gaze flitting between me and the disheveled goon smoking like a chimney.

"Is everything okay here?" Marcus asks. "Miss Cruz?" He looks at me, those big puppy dog eyes full of concern. It's so heartwarming.

He must have heard us from his office. Damn his supernatural sense of hearing.

"He was just leaving." I smile.

But nooo, this idiot decides to introduce himself to my boss. He extends a hand towards Marcus. "How's it going? My name is Lu-"

"Lucien," I interrupt. "This is Lucien, my...uncle?" I hate the idea of introducing Lucien as someone I've ever been romantically involved with.

There's an evil gleam in Lucien's eyes (when is there ever not?) and he plays along with it. "That's right, I'm her uncle," he says as Marcus tentatively shakes his hand.

"I'm Marcus Moreno," my boss introduces himself.

"Good to finally meet you." Lucien's eyes light up as he glances my way and I give him an imperceptible shake of my head. "Kitty talks about you a lot. You should hear some of the things she says about you."

"Oh, that's enough out of you!" I laugh and try to shuffle Lucien down the hallway. "Don't listen to him, Marcus. He's had a recent brain injury. He says things that aren't true."

I have to give credit to Marcus, he's incredibly calm during all this, though I can sense he has a million questions on the tip of his tongue.

Nope, don't think about his tongue. Or his lips, which are right now curving into a smile as I continue to push Lucien out the door. "It's a pleasure to get to meet you, Mr. Cruz," he says politely. "Your niece has been a great addition to our team."

"Mr. Cruz?" Lucien whispers to me, barely containing his gleeful laughter. "It's DeLeon to you, and a thousand happy returns, my good man!"

"Shut up," I hiss at him, grabbing him and walking him back to the elevator. "Get the fuck out. Don't come here ever again. Don't tap into my brain or I will perform the necessary task to get rid of you for good," I threaten him.

There's a brief flash of fear in his dark eyes, just a flash, but it's there before he resumes his usual sagacious demeanor.

(Sagacious is my word of the day. I think self-improvement in one's vocabulary is a wonderful thing. But I still enjoy saying "fuck" a lot.)

"You will see me again," Lucien promises. "No matter what, you and I are bound together. Forever."

He takes his leave right before I get the chance to punch him or kick him in the balls. I watch him from the window, making sure he's really gone. He gets into a jet black Ferrari Testarossa and speeds away.

I miss that car.

"He seems nice," Marcus says, appearing at my side, also watching Lucien burn rubber on the road.

"He's Satan Incarnate," I say glumly.

Mondays suck and this is the suckiest Monday ever to Monday, but this particular Monday sucks for another reason: team meetings.

Everybody hates them, probably none moreso than me. Meetings suck, Mondays suck. Why clump them together? I've asked Marcus but he says it's on the orders of the higher ups.

At two p.m. we begin the journey to the main board room. During our walk Marcus practices his "no nonsense" look. But no matter how hard he tries I can tell he'll definitely tolerate some nonsense. He's just too good of a guy.

When I realize there's no backtalk in my brain, that means Lucien really is gone. My thoughts are my own again. Thank the gods. Now I can concentrate on how cute Marcus looks, that little crease between his brows deepens as he likely thinks over what he's going to say to the others.

"Good luck, gorgeous." I wink at him before we go in, and smile just as I see a faint pink blush rise in his face.

"I'll need it. Thanks," he mutters. As we enter the room, one by one the other team members turn to look at him, their looks varying from annoyance to disappointment and disdain.

I keep my smile on even as I glare back at them. The disrespect is blatant in their eyes and I will not tolerate it. Marcus may be a good guy, but I take no such fuckery lightly. I have complete faith in Marcus's ability to get them to agree.

I'm starting to see the reason for Lucien's appearance. He's only around when something bad is about to go down. People fight, argue, kill each other when he's around, and it seems the very air he breathed out has now infected the rest of the team. They're a fidgety, pompous lot. Superheroes are perceived through the media in a very positive light. Let me tell you, they're actually all dicks. And poor Marcus has had to handle their bullshit on a daily basis.

He stands at the head of the table and I sit at the side of the room near the door. First one out in case there's a fire. (Seriously, I've told you about the random acts of pyromania that go on around here.)

Marcus stands at the head of the table, a confident and serious expression on his face. "All right, let's just get straight to it, shall we? I'm sure you're all aware that I've been out of the field for some time now."

"We're aware!" someone yells from the back. "You leave the field then think you can make all these changes! We won't take it!"

My boss's gaze darkens but he keeps his composure and I mentally applaud him for that. "I'm well aware of your concerns, however, despite not being on the field as much, it doesn't make me any less of a leader."

"A leader should be with the team during battle! When's the last time you did that?" another complains.

I can already see the vein in Marcus's forehead start to twitch and my own body tenses up with anger in a purely empathetic response.

"Before my wife passed away and I was left to raise my daughter on my own.." he says quietly. "That was the last time I fought alongside you all."

Oof. He really just played the dead wife card. Not a fun card to play. He must be able to zone in on my thoughts, though, because his eyes seek out mine and I feel as if my heart is on full display for him when our gazes meet. I start to rise from my seat, my first instinct to pull him away from this stupid meeting and just make him feel better.

"It's not the same," another hero says with less ire in their voice. "We need a leader who's out there with us, not just up here calling the shots."

Marcus nods in acknowledgement. "I understand your concerns, however, my duty as leader has shifted. I look after operations, training, public relations, and Miss Cruz has been an adept assistant at my side the whole time."

I stand and do a little curtsy in honor of being recognized so kindly. I must give Marcus a proper thank you when the meeting's done. If you know what I mean..

Anyway, Marcus is continuing, so let's listen.

"...but each and every one of you have something in common. You're not just heroes.. you're all egotistical, arrogant bastards."

The whole room erupts in chaos. People rise from their chairs, papers are strewn, threats are made, basically it's a mess. This group is calling for Marcus's head on a stick and it's then that I realize that I can't sit back any longer.

"STOP!" I bellow, the power I so rarely get to use is surging within me. The heroes freeze in place, literally unable to move except for Marcus.

It's the most satisfying thing to see the looks of horror and shock on their faces as I keep them in thrall to me. "Marcus is right. You're all a bunch of egotistical bastards. So for once in your fortunate lives, sit down and shut up!"

I smile, pleased when they have no choice but to obey my command. "You're going to listen and discuss with respect for your team leader.. or I'll explode all of your fucking heads." I smirk.

The group is silent but for a few puttering sighs and pathetic groans. "God damn," Marcus mutters, obviously taken aback by my sudden revelation that I'm not that different from the rest of this crowd.

"They're going to behave now, Mr. Moreno," I announce, releasing them from my hypnotic spell. "Aren't you?" I growl to them.

The heroes all nod instantly, not wishing to challenge me again. Their thoughts come to me unbidden. They're scared, most are angry, some impressed and even aroused by my display of power. But they're going to comply out of straight fear of what I might do next.

Marcus's thoughts are the hardest to ignore. He's thinking about my confidence, my scent, the way my clothing clings to my curves.. I've just silenced an entire room of supernaturally gifted people and the first thing he's thinking is he wants to fuck me.

The meeting goes by smoothly, no further incidents. I was pleased that Marcus's ideas were presented with little objection. And when the heroes leave I feel waves of deference, curiosity, fear, even jealousy as they pass me to exit the room. I smile and drink it all up like a Diet Cherry Coke on a hot August day.

"Successful meeting," I nod to Marcus, who's picking up the loose papers off the ground. With a wave of my hand I sweep them all up into a tidy pile then burn them to ash in less than a millisecond. They were all petitions to demote Marcus from team leader. We can't have that.

"Very successful.. thanks to you." He won't look me in the eye, despite the absolute wave of desire I felt coming off him when I'd shut up his inferiors.

He pauses before we leave. "You know this means you probably won't be able to work here anymore, right?"

My stomach sinks and a it feels like an icy blast hits me right in the chest. "What? Why?"

He shakes his head. "It's against policy to use your powers on others. Some of them could sue saying they were harmed, or under duress in making a critical decision for the future of this enterprise."

Shit. I hadn't thought of that. As usual I'd acted on impulse. And in that moment of reckless impulsivity I may have done irreparable damage to my career.

(Okay, that's the most adult-y thing I've ever said and I'm pretty proud of myself.)

"That's not fucking fair!" I whine. (Annnd there goes my shining moment of maturity down the drain.)

"I know," he soothes, pushing his glasses up on his nose. Oh god damn, I love when he does that. "But it's not my decision. It'll be left up to the higher powers."

"Fuck them! I helped you! You have to tell them that I helped you, Marcus.."

For a moment I can feel the mixed emotions he's going through, regret and sorrow mainly. "Did you.." he starts to say, and my heart skips many beats because I already know the question burning in his mind.

He clears his throat and looks at me with those baby cow eyes behind those glasses. "Did you ever use your powers on me?" He pauses because he senses my struggle. "The truth, Cat," he insists, voice soft, like we're talking friend-to-friend instead of boss-to-employee.

"No," I lie, schooling my features into the epitome of innocence: eyes wide, forehead slightly creased as if to say I would never.

But I did. (I'll get to that part later.)

Marcus looks relieved. "I appreciate your candor, Miss Cruz." (Oh, I guess we're back to boss/employee status again.)

"Yeah, anytime," I mutter, glancing around the room and making sure it's tidy before we leave.

Not even five minutes after I get back to my desk Marcus comes out from his office, a harried look on his face, and he's unable to meet my eyes. He gives no reference as to where he's going but I can already tell. He's off to a meeting. About me. About my sudden and rather vulgar display of power.

I don't often feel anxious but this is one of those scenarios where I actually do, and that anxiety sits like a rock in the pit of my stomach. No matter how many times I check my lipstick in the mirror or update my social media apps, the brief peace I'm granted dissipates and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

The clock makes its interminable half-moon from the twelve to the six and that's when Marcus returns, his footsteps not as hurried as before, yet anxious energy emanates from him like radioactivity. I try not to look too hopeful. What if they've decided to fire me?

Or worse. they could ask me to work with them, buddy up on missions. No thank you.

"What'd the jury say?" I ask as he comes around to my side of the desk.

He's quiet a moment before he nods. "The higher-ups think it's best if you take a couple days vacation."

"With pay?"

"No," he says, and his countenance grows stern as he adds, "and don't try to Jedi mind-trick me into saying yes. It's not my decision. And frankly watching you do that is kind of creepy."

I flash back briefly to the bright burst of lust I'd read in his brain shortly after telling off the damned Heroics. Does he know I know? Was it just a knee-jerk reaction? Does he not like me back that way?

Again, not that I like him that way, it just feels nice to be crushed on.

But if he finds me creepy, that's almost as good.

"Okay, fine. But Marcus, do I still have a job here?"

He can't bullshit me and he knows it. "I don't know. When you come back on Friday you'll be expected to give your own account of what happened, along with some tests they want to run.. your abilities and all that. And a thorough background check. It appears we never gave you one."

Oh, they did one all right, I just made damn sure it turned out completely in my favor.

"So that's it? A little slap on the wrist? 'Bad girl, Cat, mind your manners better next time Cat'?" I ask hopefully. When Marcus blushes I take a little peek into his mind hoping to see him imagining giving me a spanking, but then suddenly he blocks me out.

"I told you to stop that," he warns.

He's pretty sexy when he's strict.

"Alright, alright," I relent, backing off. "But I'm serious.. if they want to go hard on me then you've gotta swing for me, Marcus."

"I can't promise anything," he says with a sigh. "But I'll try."

"Do, or do not. There is no try," I say in my Yoda voice.

He scoffs, turning a little pink. "It's going to be very quiet and very boring without you here. I'll do what I can.."

tagging the peeps who showed interest when this baby was a wip: @itwasntimethatdidit40 @burntheedges @sunshinehaze1 @joelalorian @604to647 @almostfoxglove @inept-the-magnificent

@la-vie-est-une-fleur29 @puddles221b @bunniboo0015

@happylove1223 @angiewatson

Comments and reblogs appreciated!! 🖤🖤

[justabeewithapen]

May I ask for some fic recommendations?

OFC!!! Let me hook you up, starting with the Doey centric fics!! (popping them under a keep reading as it is long haha!)

So KingAggressive (hiiii homie) has some banger fics but I imagine you've already read their most popular one "It's Fine (It isn't Fine)" if not read that, but they recently finished one called "Don't Leave Me" which is about one of the orphans waking up and finding themselves at Safe Haven. Phenomenal time, if you enjoyed having your heart wrenched out or just some well written character interactions (The Doctor is so sadistic it brings me much joy) you'll love it! (They have another fic "Doey's Offer" very fluffy very fun)

"Rotating Thoughts" by SilverStarSheep is wonderful, love how they wrote Doey's indecision and inner monologue so much, definitely influenced my view on him!

"Home Sweet Home" Is a really cute little one-shot about the Ayers actually taking Doey home that day, Machiinebun writes a very realistic emotional outburst.

"And Give Me the Will to Never Stop Trying" by NeonLite also has influenced my headcanons, it is a very emotional story that gives us some of Doey's frustrations with Poppy alongside a really cool and cute connection with Dogday.

I know YOU have already read this but I LOVE LOVVVVEEEE Recommending "I Swore Above All Else, I'd Choose You Over Myself." by AntiVoided because it does insane damage to my brain, I adore how they write Doey's interactions with the critters AND how they write his mind being out of his control.

"A Stray Feeling" by Nightgirl08 is a fun stream of consciousness style story where we are put in Doey's head during the destruction of Safe Haven when the Player arrives, and an alternative aftermath to that scene.

"To bring him home" by TitanTimberwolf is another Susan and George take Doey home fic, multichapter and currently unfinished but what we have now is amazing! I really enjoy how George is more involved in the process here and I think it is going to be really fun as it continues!

"The Amalgam and the Boy(s)" is a cute little oneshot about Doey encountering a kid after escaping the factory, written from the kid's perspective.

And ofc "Love Him Till The Day That You Die!" By wasthatafanfic, having Susan go into the factory to rescue him and it is just such a fun time!

For some fics that are good but aren't Doey Centric:

"Never Stop Trying" by AirQuotes2962, I love our main character Penny and her thoughts and how involved she is in the situations! Doey will eventually be in this fic but we haven't gotten there yet, I am very excited for it tho and if you enjoy Pre HOJ explorations of the labs you'll probably like this.

"Singularity" by TealishRegent is a fun fic about a Harley Body basically becoming its own sentient being!!

"and tell their ghosts we should've loved them" by JackalValcoun is a fun little oneshot exploring the player's guilt over the Bigger Body deaths.

We have TWO fun Pianosaurus fics, "In Too Deep" by ramblingsofacertifieddumbass and "The Pianosaurus Documentary" by MyScreamsAreWh1spers.

And finally "A Playtime Cascade" by Justanormalcoffeeaddict which is a crossover between Poppy Playtime and Half-Life, where the Cascade event accidentally connected their universes! It is fun so far!

These are not all the fics I've enjoyed, but just some of the fun ones I wanted to shout out! Hope you find something you enjoy :D

[cammiko-arts]

ALRIGHTY. Time to write an essay that literally no one fucking asked for. 😤

I reminded ✨myself✨ of how much I dislike the live action TLK’s take on Timon, and now I want to sit down and REALLY, truthfully unpack why that is.

I’ll start with what I already know, just from my gut instincts after having spent so much time with Timon as a character:

Right off the bat, no analysis needed, this version of “Timon” just does not FEEL like Timon. The way he speaks, the way he behaves, the way he interacts with other characters—it’s almost completely alien to the original Timon that I know and love.

And, now I’m gonna ask myself… Why is that?

Because on the surface, Billy Eichner’s Timon seems to be “performing” the character well enough. He’s sarcastic. He’s witty. He’s flamboyant. He delivers most of Timon’s lines from the original TLK, plus some extras. He’s even funny, from time-to-time. But there’s obviously something missing, at least for me.

Let’s dig into that.

(Long ass post under the cut.)

So… What exactly makes Timon… Timon?

I’m gonna just kinda… stream-of-consciousness pour my heart out and write down what I think a well-written depiction of Timon should look like (based on my personal opinion and interpretation, of course!)

Please forgive me if it’s disorganized.

The first thing that comes to mind is that he needs to be deeply flawed, but still endearing.

He’s self-centered, he lies, he’s controlling, he’s deeply insecure, he’s cowardly, he’s self-aggrandizing, he’s anxious, he’s neurotic, he’s codependent… I could keep on listing. HA.

But, what keeps him from being unlikable is what motivates these flaws. Timon is a deeply FEAR and SHAME driven character, and I think that is such an important aspect of his identity. This is not a character that operates from a place of malice or apathy, or rage against the world. No, no, this is a character that is desperately afraid.

He is a character that has experienced deep social and emotional wounds, and feelings of being abandoned and not being good enough. Even without the extra context that The Lion King 1 1/2 gave us, Timon (from the original TLK) STILL reads (to me) as a character that is hiding a deep wound and a sense of self-shame behind his swagger.

So, to me, a well-written Timon should be:

-Neurotic, with a constant underlying anxiety and desperation that gives that “hanging on by a thread” energy.

-Overconfident, but the confidence should be overcompensating and FALSE. He is full of performative swagger and bravado that MASKS deep, entrenched insecurity and shame.

-Fast-talking, scheming, flamboyant, and full of theatrical wit. He uses humor as a shield, and gives off a vaudeville, show-biz energy with a dash of con-man and a smidge of smarm.

-A control freak, always wanting to be seen as the leader, the one with the plan, the “idea guy,” the “brains of the outfit.”

-Deeply, deeply insecure, and terrified of being abandoned, rejected, irrelevant, and a failure. He is DESPERATE for validation, but pretends not to be.

-Extremely codependent with Pumbaa, relying on him heavily for his emotional needs, and not just for physical safety and companionship. Any time Pumbaa starts to pull away, Timon should get snippy, anxious, dejected, or panicky. And despite his attempts to seem unbothered, he always falls apart.

-Emotionally constipated, avoidant, and terrified of vulnerability. He avoids being emotionally open by cracking jokes, deflecting, or changing the subject.

-And this is probably the most important point: Timon speaks and behaves like someone who has experienced a life full of exclusion, heartbreak, abandonment, and rejection—but also, as someone who is desperate to NEVER feel that way again, to the point that he will go to any length to avoid facing those feelings. Basically, Hakuna Matata is not joy and peace (yet), but a coping mechanism meant for self-protection.

And also—let me talk real quick about what Nathan Lane’s voice acting brings to the table. (Because he’s doing a lot of heavy lifting for the character, let’s be so real!!)

-Nathan is witty and effortlessly funny, and as Timon, his voice is humorously enunciated and shrill, always ON, and you can hear him trying to sell himself with every line of dialogue, even if no one is buying. Timon is constantly acting, overcompensating, and trying to control how others perceive him, and every bit of Nathan’s performance drives this feeling home.

-Nathan also gives Timon this fast-talking, quick paced patter that really feels like it’s disguising anxiety and fear beneath the surface. Timon’s speedy delivery is funny, yeah, but it’s also very much another form of deflection. Nathan’s quick, clipped vocal delivery embodies this feeling of someone who talks to fill silence, because, perhaps, silence might bring forth feelings. His pacing makes Timon feel frantically alive, but also deeply uncomfortable with stillness.

-Nathan’s voice always brings forth the sass and the snark, but not in a cold or emotionally detached way. In fact, his jabs usually carry a WARMTH to them, like he feels deep love for the ones he is razzing on. And besides that, there always seems to be something trembling underneath Timon’s sarcasm. His delivery often feels just shy of losing it, like he’s barely keeping it together. He laughs just a little too hard at his own jokes before peetering out and changing the subject, like he’s almost pleading not to be perceived. HAAAA.

-Also, no one does comedic fear like Nathan Lane. Like, when Timon’s confidence crumbles, oh boy, you really feel it. His voice cracks, his pitch rises, he moans and groans, he trembles. There’s physical comedy BAKED INTO THE VOICE. And it’s so revealing of character!! Anyways, in my opinion, no other voice actor has ever captured Timon’s panic-laced bravado so truthfully as Nathan has.

-And, finally, and potentially most importantly, there is this lovely, honeyed, (almost) unexpected WARMTH to Nathan’s voice. Like, despite the sarcasm, Nathan makes Timon’s voice GLOW like an ember in tender moments. He’s not excessively sentimental or cloying, but those fleeting moments of warmth feel so powerful because of how much it costs Timon to show it. It’s the sincerity that leaks out sideways that makes Timon so lovable despite his many flaws. And it’s Nathan’s voice that really sells that!

OH, and one more thing—let’s be real here: Nathan Lane is just straight up CHARMING. He’s witty, and there’s comedy in not just what he says, but HOW he says it. And I might be showing my ass here a little bit, but I’d hang onto every word he says. Ha!

ANYWAYS.

I’ve just talked a lot about what a well-written, well-performed Timon should look like. So, where’s the disconnect between all of that, and the TLK 2019 Timon?

I’ll preface by saying that I am, in fact, a Billy Eichner fan! I adore him in Bob’s Burgers and Billy on the Street. He cracks me up. Genuinely!

…But I don’t like him as Timon. 🥲

And I think the easiest way to discuss why I don’t enjoy him as Timon is to talk about what the TLK 2019 Timon LACKS:

Vulnerability and Depth of Character:

-He sort of… loses Timon’s emotional depth? Like, TLK 2019 Timon is sarcastic, but not DEFENSIVELY sarcastic like the OG Timon.

-There aren’t really any signs of masking pain or shame or hiding wounds.

-Billy Eichner delivers almost every line with flat sarcasm, self-assured irony, and cold emotional detachment. (And frankly, “self-assured” and “emotionally detached” are NOT words that I would use to describe the OG Timon.)

-Timon is meant to be masking fear, not indifference!

-Nathan Lane’s snark feels desperate, performative, and insecure, while Billy Eichner’s feels confident, cool, and aloof.

-There’s no vulnerability beneath the quips, and… without that, Timon just feels obnoxiously smug rather than sympathetic.

Try-Hard Desperation:

-Billy Eichner’s Timon gives off this glib and “cool” feeling, rather than the frantic, trying-way-too-hard feeling that Timon should have. He lacks that “please laugh with me and not at me or I will explode” energy.

-Timon is supposed to be a frantic, fast-talking, one-man show that is desperately trying to SELL BOTH HIMSELF AND HIS OWN IMPORTANCE.

-But Billy Eichner, as Timon, is WAY TOO COMFORTABLE in his own skin. He doesn’t sound like someone who’s clawed his way out of the proverbial Pit-Of-Shame by sheer overcompensation and force of will.

-There is NO SENSE that TLK 2019 Timon needs the room to like him. Where’s the desperation? The neediness?

-Instead of grasping for validation, TLK 2019 Timon gives off an air of “Whatever. I actually believe I’m better than everyone in the room and I’m above all of this.” 😬

-Once again, he just feels way too smug and aloof!

Control Freak Tendencies:

-TLK 2019 Timon is WAY too laid-back, go-with-the-flow, and hands-off. Now, sure, Timon WANTS to be like that, but wanting to be like that and ACTUALLY being like that are two very different things.

-Timon‘s control freakery is evident in almost every line he utters in TLK 1994. He is constantly reasserting his dominance over Pumbaa. Timon doesn’t just reject Pumbaa’s ideas. No, no, he steamrolls them, calls them ‘stupid,’ then repackages them as his own. He is also SO desperate for validation and getting credit for everything! This is not someone who is laid back and go-with-the-flow. This is a meerkat that literally cannot relinquish control of ANYTHING for even ten seconds.

As an example, let’s look at Timon’s control freakery (or lack thereof) during the scene where they rescue Simba in both films.

TLK 1994:

-Timon IMMEDIATELY establishes himself as the one in charge of he and Pumbaa’s dynamic. He raises his voice, barks commands, physically yanks Pumbaa’s ears to steer him around, etc. He also has a strong gut reaction to Simba, and it’s that they should RUN from him. He desperately tries to enforce this, and he does so by positioning himself as the one that calls the shots.

TLK 2019:

-Weirdly enough, Pumbaa almost feels more in charge, here. At least in the sense of that Timon is not really… doing anything to assert dominance over Pumbaa. He’s kind of just… detached. Aloof. Cool-headed. Even… weirdly timid??? Like, he checks out Simba’s body to determine what sort of animal he is, and when he realizes it’s a lion, he just BOLTS. And hides behind a rock. He tells Pumbaa to run, but doesn’t assert it or yank Pumbaa around the way he does in the original. And then when Simba wakes up, Timon just… hides behind Pumbaa’s leg?? He doesn’t really lead the conversation at all.

TLK 1994:

-Timon flat out REJECTS any ideas that aren’t his own, such as Pumbaa’s suggestion that Simba might grow up to be on “their side.” In fact, he even calls the idea “stupid,” until he realizes he can reframe it as having been his idea all along. This is a full 180 pivot, but it’s still about Timon seizing the narrative. He reframes the situation so that he is in control. He makes it seem like it was his idea all along. He maintains dominance in the decision.

And speaking of dominance, this goofy ass meerkat is CONSTANTLY trying to reassert his dominance over Pumbaa. “Who’s the brains of this outfit?” He isn’t joking when he says this!! LMAOOO he is so damn insecure, and he NEEDS to feel in control.

-He is also constantly trying to control the narrative. Everything was HIS idea. HE orchestrated Simba’s rescue. HE is the brains. HE is the one that knows EVERYTHING about Hakuna Matata (“lie down before ya hurt yourself.”) HE is the one with all the answers, even if those answers are made up on the spot.

-And basically… this part of Timon’s personality is just absent or toned WAY down in TLK 2019.

Relationship with Pumbaa:

-One of the most important aspects of Timon’s character is his weird, desperate, co-dependent love for Pumbaa. And… in TLK 2019, this is kind of… shockingly absent.

-Like, Nathan Lane made Timon’s sarcastic little jabs towards Pumbaa feel AFFECTIONATE. Like, annoyed, yes, but also warm and protective. Snarky, but still loving and tender. You believe that Timon GENUINELY needs and LOVES Pumbaa.

-Billy Eichner’s Timon, on the other hand, feels so weirdly aloof, unbothered, and emotionally detached from Pumbaa. They feel more like roommates that barely even like each other, much less soulmates. Their dynamic lacks that vulnerability and need that made the original Timon and Pumbaa so compelling.

Voice Acting:

And while we’re at it, let’s talk about the voice acting. Because, frankly, Eichner’s Timon lacks the nuance and the comedic physicality that Nathan brought to the character.

Nathan Lane doesn’t deliver lines flatly. He makes funny sounds. He squeaks. He groans. He growls. He changes pitch and volume. He speeds up and slows down mid-sentence. He’s hilarious not just in what he says, but in how he delivers it. It’s in his tone of voice. The weird little noises he makes. He brings physical comedy into his voice acting!!

And, Billy Eichner, although he is very funny, he just feels too monotone. Too dry. Too sardonic. Too even for a character like Timon. He’s funny, but not in the way that Timon is meant to be. He also kind of… sounds the same in every scene. There’s very little modulation of tone.

Like, whether he’s rescuing Simba, bantering with Pumbaa, or nihilistically dismissing the Circle of Life, it’s all delivered in the same tone of voice: wry, dry, sardonic, and a little smug.

But Nathan Lane, in contrast, will switch gears mid-line! He’ll start calm, then roll into panic or fury. He’ll go from wry to wounded in a heartbeat.

And Eichner’s Timon stays weirdly cool-headed and unbothered in most scenes, which, incidentally, softens Timon’s comedy, his volatility, and his HEART.

Fear and Shame:

He also just… feels like he lacks the core motivators of 1994 Timon’s flaws. That sense of fear and shame. TLK 2019 Timon doesn’t seem afraid underneath his snark. He doesn’t feel insecure. And he definitely doesn’t have that sense of buried shame that I feel from the OG Timon.

No, TLK 2019 Timon just feels so unbothered and uncaring and cold and indifferent. It feels like his nihilistic claim of “life is meaningless” is genuinely what he believes, and it feels like he arrived there coolly and intellectually. It’s very cynical, and quite unlike the OG Timon’s avoidance of his past due to hurt and shame. This is a version of Timon that denies meaning altogether.

So yeah… for me, Timon isn’t just about the jokes. That’s not what I’m here for. That’s not why I love him. No, to me, he is ALL about the desperation underneath the jokes. And when that gets lost or softened, so does the heart and soul of the character. Timon without fear and shame is like Pumbaa without wisdom and heart. He becomes just this… one-note, two-bit snarky meerkat.

And frankly, I just don’t care about that guy. 🥲

[flying-mochis]

I just finished the Silmarillion so now it's time for me to loose my mind trying to discern the timeline changes in Rings of Power

mostly I was trying to figure out which "war" it was that Celeborn went missing in

but first I wanted to ground myself by figuring out when Finrod died- except that also isn't clear...

This is a very long, unedited stream of consciousness post, so I'll put it under Keep Reading. I also didn't really fact check any of this just going off my recent memory of just reading the Silmarillion so- If I got stuff wrong...woops

TLDR: Though Finrod originally dies in the Silmarillian during the Beren and Luthien, I think the RoP writers have changed his death to be sometime after the defeat of Morgoth as he's hunting Sauron. I think Celeborn went missing sometime before Finrod died, either in the Nirnaeth Arnoediad (before the Fall of Doriath) or in the War of Wrath (the final defeat of Morgoth). Ultimately who knows but I'm excited to see what they do :)

In the Silmarillian, Finrod dies around late year 400 in the 1st Age protecting Beren in Of Beren and Luthien. He is killed by Sauron, as Sauron throws them in like a pit of death thingy.

but in Rings of Power, when Galadriel is giving exposition in the beginning, she basically says 'Then Morgoth was drafted, but Sauron continued to cause problems, and my brother vowed to hunt him down, then he died.' So it sounds like RoP Finrod survived the War of Wrath against Morgoth, but then died hunting Sauron afterwards.

This change would call into question how the events of Beren and Luthien played out in the RoP timeline- I guess it's not necessary for Finrod to die into order for that story to still have worked? Like maybe Luthien saved both of them or maybe Finrod never went with them. But...Part of the fall of Doriath in Hurin getting Finrods fancy necklace from Mim the dwarf after he's taken over Finrod's Kingdome in his absence- so if Finrod survived up to the fall of Doriath and past that- how would that work? I'm sure it could, there are ways to work around it so the story can still play out with those changes- or maybe they changed more major parts of the story like the fall of Doriath! That would be bold but not out of the question.

Maybe it's also possible that Finrod did still die during the Beren and Luthien story but that just happened after the defeat of Morgoth? IDK if that makes sense, because then how would Thingol have gotten the silmarill that leads to the fall of Doriath and all that stuff with Earendil and Elwing-? that has a lot more continuity changes so less likely.

Ok, moving on from Finrod. His death is at least canon from the Silmarillion, but Celeborn going missing is not. Or at least, it isn't mentioned. But one thing about Galadriel and Celeborn is that they were retconned into the story after most of the Silmarillion was written, so their presence it is extremely spotty and sometime inconsistent. It's basically mentioned that they fall in love when Galadriel and her brothers go to Doriath and she stays with him in Doriath while Finrod finds his kingdom, Nargothrond. Then she's mentioned talking to Melian like once after that right before the Dagor Bragollach (one time Morgoth surprise attacks a bunch of elf cities) and then...They basically disappear for the rest of the book until it starts talking about the rings of power in the 2nd Age-

So...There's already a lot of missing spots in there story. That's one of the reasons I think it's cool they made Galadriel a protagonist in RoP, because what she's doing in those times is very vague, though more so in the 1st Age than the 2nd- but her character could still shed some light on what she was doing then- Especially when Celeborn is introduced, cuz that's gonna require some background explanations.

So that's all just to provide the context that there is barely any context for what those two were doing before RoP takes place.

Another note about possible timelines for Celeborn going missing is its relation to Finrod's death. This is not confirmed, but I've always worked with the assumption that Celeborn went missing before Finrod died. This is based on some factors- such as Galadriel's seemingly more cheery nature when she calls him a "silver clam" before he goes off to battle---This doesn't sound like the traumatized, hardened Galadriel we know from her response to Finrod's death. Also, as other's have pointed out, if Finrod had died before Celeborn went to war and Galadriel had already become a warrior, why wouldn't she have gone to war with Celeborn? It's possible they were just going to different locations, but I don't think she would chide him to not join the fight is she was also doing so.

Running with that assumption- If Finrod did die saving Beren as he did in the Silmarillion, that means Celeborn would've gone missing in some battle before then, maybe the Dagor Bagollach. This would mean he would have missed out all everything with Beren and Luthien, everything with Turin, and everything else with the fall of Doriath at the hands of dwarfs and elves. Which I think would be a shame. There is still conflict in having missed out on a significant tragedy, but I think having him witness all those tragedies would be more interesting- and his bitterness towards dwarfs would be more understandable if he was physically there to witness their betrayal and slaughter of his people.

As I've said, its possible and probably likely that they'll change it so Finrod died much later, and this is another one for my reasons for thinking that. Aside from the other plot holes that creates, Finrod dying after the defeat of Morgoth opens up to possibilities for which battle Celeborn went missing in, so I'll continue with that assumption.

So, let's start with what Rings of Power canon we know. Not a lot, but in Celeborn's one mention in season 1, Galadriel says "When he went to [the War], I chided him." So he didn't go missing on some personal quest or whatever, he specifically went off to fight in "the war". One issue this raises is that Celeborn is from Doriath, and Doriath doesn't give a fuck. Doriath does not send any of its people off to any battles in the Silmarillion until it starts falling apart. The closest we get to Doriath elves fighting is when they hunt down the dwarves that killed Thingol and then defend themselves from the dwarves and the sons of Feanor.

One way to get around this could be making it so Celeborn and Galadriel left Doriath at some point to operate on their own. Maybe they went to live with Finrod in Nargothrond (I think it is mentioned that Galadriel stayed with Finrod there for a while, but Celeborn isn't mentioned? And I don't remember if that's in the Silmarillion or one of the unfinished tales- which are more subject to flexible canon). In which case, Celeborn could've gone off with Finrod to one of the battles- This is an interesting idea as it could show Galadriel and Celeborn being more independent and maybe dissenting from Thingol after his sus decisions with Beren and Luthien. The next battle after that story would be the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, the unsuccessful battle with Morgoth right before the Fall of Doriath. The problem with him going missing in that battle, again, would be him missing out on all the drama of the Fall of Doriath.

The second explanation for Celeborn going to war would be that he goes to fight after the Fall of Doriath. It makes sense that he would be more willing to fight after seeing the destruction of his people, even if that wasn't directly at the hands of Morgoth. Galadriel's joking disposition may not make as much sense in a setting after her husband home was destroyed and his family was slaughtered- but maybe everything still felt lighter back then as long as they were together. The most likely battle he went missing in after that would then be the War of Wrath itself, the final defeat of Morgoth.

Another possibility is he went missing during the Fall of Doriath, but that wasn't much of war as it was a siege, and I feel like Galadriel would have at least tried to help out in some way in those circumstances.

Overall, the two most likely battles I see him going missing in are the Nirnaeth Arnoediad (the 2nd to last attack on Morgoth) or the War of Wrath (the final defeat of Morgoth). The Nirnaeth Arnoediad, or some earlier battle, may make more sense for Galadriel to not go Celeborn as they hadn't experienced the tragic loss of Doriath yet, but I guess the same could be said for her not going with Finrod later.

I think I prefer him at least surviving up to the War of Wrath, as that means he was around to see the Fall of Doriath, and experience all the ~fun~ trauma of that, which is one of the things that could make him more unique as a character.

There is also the question of if Celebrian is even born yet and if so, where she is. As Galadriel and Celeborn's lives are so vague in the first two ages, so is Celebrian, their daughter. I don't think we know for sure when she was born, but I believe it is mentioned in Unfinished Tales that Celebrian was alive and with them by the time they first went to Eregion. Obviously much has changed as neither Celeborn nor Celebrian were present for the fall of Eregion in Rings of Power.

Personally, I don't believe Celebrian is even born yet in RoP. As other have pointed out, Galadriel starts the series as one who has lost everything, one who has no ties and nothing left to lose. This is fundamental to her hunt of Sauron and her eventual fall to the manipulation of Sauron. It doesn't track that she would be doing all this while she has a living and present daughter to worry about or keep her grounded. It's possible both Celeborn and Celebrian are missing. I feel like should would have mentioned that to Theo when she told him about Celeborn, but she's also managed to only mention her supposedly dead husband once in 16 episodes, so clearly she's a master at putting those particular traumas in boxes to never be spoken of. I feel like having both of them be missing to show up later would be a bit too cluttered and it'd be smoother to just say she isn't born yet, but anything's possible.

I'm pretty sure the "canon" about Celebrian being born before the fall of Eregion is from Unfinished Tales anyway? Which I think of as more like a draft of Tolkien's ideas for the family, not canon in the sense of the SIlmarillion or the published stories.

Lots of "canon" falls apart around Galadriel and her family as they were added in so late and Tolkien seemed to die before writing his "final" story for them. And this is an adaptation, they aren't meant to follow "canon" like the gospel anyway, as we've seen. As I've said, the very lack of solid story around Galadriel and her families experiences through the first two ages is more exciting than anything, as it leaves so much room for the writers to get creative them and write a thrilling story that we haven't seen before. This is a chance to shine light on characters that fall under the status of "unfinished" in Tolkien ever-changing world, such as Celeborn. The only "canon" (Silmarillion) information we have on Celeborn for the 1st and 2nd Age is that he lived in Doriath during the 1st Age, he was somehow related to Thingol and later Nimloth, and he and Galadriel were in love. There's other supplementary, unpublished notes that either expand on these traits or straight up contradict them.

Based on letters nearing his death, Tolkien was clearly still thinking of how Galadriel's families story could go, but as he never "finished" with them, if such a thing is even possible, we'll never get that "canon" story from him. So it's up to us- or, in this case, it's up to the writers of the Rings of Power. So we'll see!

Wow, that was a long-winded way to say "I dunno"

[deoidesign]

Happy webcomics day!!!

I'm not home (on a trip right now with family), but I still want to talk a little bit about my process, so I did what I could to find some wip shots 🧡

Plus, I'd also like to update my extremely patient readers with a little taste of what's to come!!!

Step one, of course, is writing.

When I'm writing I have four documents open. A "dump" document, a "yes this!" Document, an outline document, and a drawing canvas!

In the dump document, I put ANYTHING. complete stream of consciousness. The 'yes this' document is where I put anything useful from the dump document, and the outline is, of course, the outline. The drawing canvas is for me to sketch out problems and ideas and get sort of a different angle on things, since I can't really visualize.

Once I have a book completely written, I start thumbnailing!

My thumbnails pretty much look like this. Text, sketchy poses, indications of expression and maybe environment...

I thumbnail the entire book at once. I don't let myself do any edits on it until it's done, but I take note of edits I'd like to make! Then, once the first draft is out, I edit.

I'll move entire scenes, delete whole episodes, bring in bits from the end to have proper foreshadowing... Etc! It's a long process that makes my arcs feel much more complete and something I can be really proud of.

I can only do this when I'm really ahead, though, so that's why I've been on a long hiatus!!! I was forced to work without my process for a few arcs, and the difference is so huge to me that I refuse to let myself do it again. It makes a loner hiatus, but work way more worth waiting for!

Next step is lineart!

Yes, I skip sketches! I go right into lines.

I save every head I've ever drawn, and that lets me copy paste in a basic head angle. Then I redo the face, fix up the hair, etc. so it fits my panel, and then I draw the rest of the body!

This seriously saves me so much time, but less so for the drawing (i still draw a ton of heads and I'm very fast) and more just for helping me skip sketching entirely!

Then I do character flats, which since all my lines are closed that goes pretty quickly (slowest part is Steve's hair, I refuse to use a brush cause every one I've made looks terrible!!!)

And then I draw the backgrounds!

Which, I keep layered, clean, and HUGE so I can use them throughout the arc.

I used to feel bad doing this, but then I realized... It's not like backgrounds "change" irl. So why make them change in my comics...? It saves me so much time, but it ALSO lets me put in more detail per background! I draw probably 3 very large backgrounds per episode like this, and then I draw maybe 5-10 unique backgrounds for single panels per episode as well. I save these too, but they're rarely re-used.

And then my panels are done!!!

So there's a bit of my process for you all!!!

Happy webcomics day 🧡🧡🧡

And here's my comic, if you haven't read it and want to see the end result of this process, or if you have read it and would enjoy a re-read with the extra knowledge:

Or, if you would prefer books I have those too!

Happy to elaborate on any step, as well!

I make comics extremely quickly and as my full time job, and my process allows me to easily manipulate my format as well. I'm happy to share any of my knowledge if you have questions!!!

[hellslayersomething]

I feel like I should write out some proper thoughts about my opinions on Veilguard, or at least an outline for the much longer essay that is currently calcifying in my heart. It's a mixed bag of a reaction, and I'm not going to compliment sandwiching any of it--this is all just stream of consciousness, so I'm probably going to snag on the negative and spiral down that pretty quickly. Spoilers, obviously:

I liked the battle system. For the first time in a DA game, it actually felt satisfying to play and had its own identity. I do wish the Pokemon element aspect was a little better balanced among the companions, but overall it was great.

That said, considering the length of the game, they needed way more enemy diversity, especially with the bosses. Eventually I was just fighting dragons, and every dragon had essentially the same moveset, one of those moves being "the dragon trips over her own dick and face-plants on top of Rook", which sure doesn't make the fights feel epic. Even very unique characters, like the Gloom Howler, were just reskinned basic demons when it came time to fight them.

The decision to tie companion approval to companion levels was a mistake. A massive and extremely obvious mistake. No wonder there are no disagreements or tension among the group--the game can't let you lose affinity with your team members, because then it would have to account for you leveling them down. The gameplay design here strangled the narrative design in its crib.

Speaking of narrative design: while I appreciate that the modular approach to companion arcs was experimental, it was extremely weird of them to take that approach in the only DA game where all companions are required. The story doesn't have to be written to account for the fact that you might not recruit some of them or they might die early--so why didn't they write one story about Rook and their seven friends instead of one story about Rook and also there are seven smaller, unrelated stories of extremely varying quality shoved in next to it?

The hyperfixation on the companion quests paired with their complete compartmentalization from each other means that each companion basically has nothing going on outside of their own quest and very few opportunities to engage with other characters' quests.

I was so starved for conflict in this game that I went from Solas-neutral to Solas-positive because he was the only character who the game allowed to be a bitch to me, and I respect him for that.

I do like all the horrid little sons the game gives me. I think I would appreciate them more if there was anything bad or tense happening in the story on a personal level that required some comic relief, but I am a sucker for a funky little guy none the less, and Manfred, Assan, and Spite are the perfect trifecta of funky little guys, as far as I'm concerned.

"We're only going to do character cameos if it's important to the plot." *does what they did with Isabela* Okay, devs.

"We aren't importing player choices but we won't override your decisions either." *several codex entries overriding player decisions later* Okay, devs.

I like the companions, generally. I see their potential. Fanfic will do right by them. Harding, in my mind, is the weakest of the bunch, just truly having no personality to speak of and talking like she was written by a Boomer who thinks that Millennials are still teenagers. (Everyone responsible for her uttering the phrase "Awkward..." like she's a character in 2011 quirky girl sitcom should be tried at the fucking Hague, istg.) And while I like Bellara, it was extremely frustrating to have a character that's just "Merrill, again, but with the edges sanded off". Taash and Emmerich are also glaringly the last additions in the writing process, each belonging to one of the two most underbaked factions and neither of them being tied to any of the game's few "big choices". There's promise in this cast, but I don't think any of them came close to realizing their potential.

Davrin and Emmerich's companion quests felt appropriately scoped to the size of the questlines, had good emotionality, good antagonists, and expanded on the lore of Thedas in ways we hadn't seen yet.

Lucanis's companion quest had potential, but it was too unfocused with three antagonists, too much attention to the boring Venatori shit, and not enough examination on Illario's motives or Lucanis's relationships with either Spite or Illario.

Harding's companion quest was fine, I guess (the people are starving for dwarf lore), but Harding could have been swapped out with literally any other dwarven character who wasn't Sandal and nothing would have been different. (Also weird that the whole quest was basically about Sandal while simultaneously fully removing Sandal from the narrative.)

Bellara and Neve's companion quests were just nothing. Just a whole lot of nothing. And Neve's also suffered from what I like to call "machete editing", where it is glaring obviously where things were cut, changed, moved around, and added at the last minute.

I say, from the bottom of my non-binary heart: Taash's companion quest is total ass. Real nice of Mae to come out of hiding and risk being found and executed by the Venatori to give Taash a Queer Theory 101 class, though, I fucking guess.

Is Lucanis's romance bugged? Apparently I'm not the only one who had that thought while I was playing it, so now I'm wondering. Like, there's no way they made it Like That on purpose, right?

Why and how are the Venatori still a force in Thedas, never mind a force with numbers so great (in spite of lacking a central leader) that they were able to simultaneously occupy the two largest cities in Thedas?

They literally didn't even try with the Antaam. The Venatori are at least theoretically still working to try to restore Tevinter to its former imperial might. The Antaam are just invading countries for literally no reason except ill-defined power grabs. Given the racial coding of Qunari, this writing choice sure is...something. (And that something is racist.)

That said, the revelation that the Butcher did a military tour in Europe and fell in love with the culture and just wants to drink wine and visit art museums now is fucking hilarious.

What the absolute FUCK did they do the Crows. I like the Crow characters from Tevinter Nights/the comics, and Zevran is my favorite character in the whole damn franchise, but they completely whitewashed both TN's mafia take on them and their original portrayal in DA:O. But it also doesn't really retcon anything, making it instead seem like the human trafficking and torture and sexual abuse that Zevran suffered at the Crows' hands A) only happened to him individually, and B) are fine, actually??? Even the very few times that characters express reservations about working with Lucanis because he's an assassin, if you play as a Crow, those concerns get immediately backpedaled, so the Crows end up being so ironed out that the game doesn't even let characters say of the Crows, "Murder is bad," lest it hurt a Crow Rook's feelings. That is how conflict-averse the writing is.

So I guess everyone in southern Thedas is...dead now? Several characters survived long enough to get a mention from the Inquisitor, but by the end, it sounds like Orlais, Ferelden, and most of the Free Marches are pretty much donezo. When Epler said the events in southern Thedas didn't matter, I didn't expect that to mean they were going to nuke the damn place. Even having generally enjoyed VG (in spite of all my criticisms here) that, uh...doesn't leave me enthused about the future of the franchise, ngl.

The layoffs of several writers (and other Bioware employees) before the game's release was obviously heinous. But after that secret ending, I'm now of the mind that of the writers that remain, at least a few of them need to be demoted. Like literally what the fuck was that. That was the dumbest plot point to ever appear in a Dragon Age game, and that is a high bar to clear. If you're not going to acknowledge our past choices, then keep Loghain's name out of your fucking mouths.

[wadesbedtimestories]

Sleepytime Tea (Wade Talks in His Sleep) by dinosaurstars (T)

3636 words, 1/1 chapter

“I–I–” For once, Wade can’t think of anything to say. Shit. Logan’s eyes are barely visible in the near darkness, but Wade can feel his gaze nonetheless. It isn’t the piercing glare he’s usually graced with. Fuck. As the moment stretches on, there’s nothing to fill the silence but Wade’s breaths, the soft pants of wounded prey staring up at its soon-to-be killer. But Logan seems perfectly content to wait, and it’s only then that Wade realizes that Logan’s holding his hand. It makes his insides feel like they’re twisting into balloon animals in a not-fun way, and Wade thinks that six adamantium claws directly to the chest would be easier to take. His lungs already feel like they’re full of blood. Strapped down. Can’t move. Can’t breathe. His skin feels like it’s turning inside out. He can see his reflection in the glass of the hyperbaric chamber, can hear himself scream while he watches himself turn into a monster. Francis. Francis. “I was a mermaid in H20: Just Add Water and the condensation from my water bottle made me transform during my class trip to the beach.” The words tumble from Wade’s mouth like a waterfall. Finally.

author's tags: nightmares, hurt/comfort, mutual pining, wade is bad at feelings, wade has ptsd, protective logan, sexual tension

my tags: emotional hurt/comfort, nightmares, wade wilson has ptsd, protective logan, happy ending

review (light spoilers):

good morninggg it's been a long time. i have a whole list of recs to get to but this is one i read last night, because i woke up this morning still thinking of a line from this fic. it wasn't even really a line related to the general premise but god it blew me away. anyway!

this is one of those fics where one of them has a nightmare and is comforted. not a new plot by any means but beautifully written and characterised nonetheless! one of my favourite things about this fic is how much character is snuck into it just through a couple of words thrown into some lines, that just tell you so much about wade and logan in a way you could very easily miss. the author is also great at writing logan's instinctive (protective, animalistic) thoughts and wade's stream of consciousness dialogue. it just makes for such a good balance between angsty and entertaining

this isn't even an established relationship or getting together but that isn't always necessary for their dynamic to shine through, and this fic proves it. it's so tender and they find such comfort and relatability in each other that you are basically implicitly handed the certainty that it will all be ok.

favourite lines (also light spoilers):

He opens his mouth to do just that, but a trembling overtakes his body and shakes the words from him.

He casts his eyes to the heavens, expecting the dull ache when it makes him think of Kurt. (!!!!!!!!!! this fucking line oh my god)

read (and comment on!) the fic

masterpost

[ruiniel]

Mononoke Karakasa art symbolism:

the kokeshi dolls

Throughout the movie there is the theme of renouncing something precious (i.e. pieces of oneself, individuality) in order to serve an amorphous whole. The Ōoku, in this instance, could be seen as an organism thriving on the sum of its 'parts'.

Karakasa is saturated with visual elements among which flowers and dolls are prevalent from what I noticed on first watch. The symbolism and comparison with 'flowers' or 'dolls' isn't much of a mystery when considering the strict hierarchical roles the ~2000 women must play in the Ōoku.

And despite the numbers, there's a sense of pervasive loneliness throughout (at least for me), a nod to very real and relatable psychological states of being such as mourning, emotional estrangement and abjectification of self. But on a wider and still very relatable social level to the modern audience, the Ōoku is basically a prison. There's an entire essay to be written on systemic oppression and the way it changes the individuals (women) trapped within. Will pause interpretation here for now since it's incomplete and stream-of-consciousness mostly.

What of the dolls?

We see dolls known as kokeshi dolls.

Kokeshi dolls in the movie are 'dento-kokeshi', or traditional style, dento meaning something along the lines of 'transmitting that which is fundamental'.

Kokeshi dolls originated in the Edo period and were first made by craftsmen called kijishi, single-wood carvers in Northern Japan and were first sold as souvenirs at hot spring resorts.

Artisans preferred to work in dogwood, Japanese maple, cherry wood among others since they were good for carving and still carried the right softness. The local craftsman would choose the shapes and colors specific to their region.

Different types of kokeshi dolls (source: pinterest)

Mainly they became children's toys and there are different styles of kokeshi, but their characteristics are slender bodies and lack of arms and legs. Along the years artisans evolved designs to reflect the area the dolls were made in, thus preserving cultural motifs throughout history. They symbolized hope, good luck, and fortune. Each dento-kokeshi is supposed to be unique.

In Mononoke Karakasa, we see many kokeshi dolls, mainly in Mugitani's quarters:

There's a veritable collection, spread across the room, some even hung from the ceiling, acting as silent watchers to her misery, her loneliness, her actions.

On the walls we also see depictions of temari balls, such as the one Mugitani was made to throw away as her precious item, starting the process of yielding her self to the Ōoku:

Side note: traditionally temari balls are also works of art in their own right, following specific crafting principles. They were a typical gift to children on New Year's day. Girls would receive these from their mothers and grandmothers for happiness and fortune (here we see a similarity with Kame's comb gifted from her grandmother).

(Addition to side note: as @ekwallace pointed out, temari ball symbolism is also present in the 2007 Mononoke series, specifically in the Noppera-bou arc. There too was someone who renounced herself since her early years to support someone else's ambitions while yearning for childhood freedom (symbolized by the vision of playing with a temari ball).)

Where did Mugitani obtain the dolls? Were they bought by her at regular fairs, or given as gifts by women who were close to her but are no longer here? Are they an indirect attempt to assuage the lack of fulfillment she feels being here or a subconscious expression of her need for an average, perhaps family centered life outside the confines of the Ōoku (some dolls are grouped in clusters suggesting families)?

The kokeshi dolls could have a specific meaning or even, why not, represent the silenced spirits of women who died there before, become the eyes of the mononoke (but that's one of many far-fetched theories I have).

[anonymouscomrade]

most of you know i wrote a couple SCPs all the way back when it was brand new, but haven't written a new one since. anyway here's some ideas i've had for SCP articles that i never got around to writing and probably never will because my depression basically won:

story about a Gamers Against Weed member defecting to the Foundation as a metaphor for the 4chan-to-alt-right pipeline

vtuber whose parents were Maxwellists who performed a ritual when she was very young that killed her physical body but bound her consciousness to the internet, hoping to please WAN. unfortunately they fucked up the ritual and her soul has been slowly but gradually fading ever since. the Foundation finds her a short while before her final graduation stream

ASMR youtuber who breaks down machines for their scrap metal before melting it down and casting it into ingots, coins, and various other trinkets. never speaks on-camera or shows his face without wearing some kind of mask, usually a breathing mask because he works with zinc pretty often. wouldn't be on the Foundation's radar except he's popular on Parawatch, and every fourth or fifth episode or so, out of nowhere he attacks and kills someone (common targets are his wife, one of his pets, or one of his friends), only to reveal the person he attacked was an android attempting to impersonate them, presumably to try to kill or capture him. he then spends the rest of the episode breaking down the android and melting and casting its metals into his usual pieces

001 proposal about some eldritch entity who was only stopped because its true name lined up in specific ways with certain thaumaturgial runes, allowing it to be banished from this plane of reality so long as even one instance of the mark remained legible on this planet. for a time this symbol was used as the Foundation's logo, but this was determined to be an unnecessary security risk, as the symbol had fallen into urban legend. anyway it's the cool S

[paingoes]

R u telling us. U have written all of destroyer on ur phone.

yeah!!!! ive def said this before but almost all of destroyer prime was written in my notes app during my breaks as a lifeguard last summer. i write all my essays for school on my phone as well its just way more convenient for me

i think it takes away a lot of the perfectionism and lets me do stream of consciousness writing easier. writing on a laptop feels like too much of a production, i basically only ever do that when i need to worry about formatting....

[saladmix]

can we discuss totmnt? we get a bit more insight into them as characters which is great! i like that donnie & mikey got a bunch more moments to shine! also! leo saying hes nothing without his brothers, raph's insecurities being touched on with the whole "your bros are in danger because *you* couldn't protect them and aren't strong enough" DUDE its the best. i like how this show added some aspects of their rise versions in that way & i enjoy it bc i liked how they were represented there. leo being anxious & insecure as his role of leader, raph's tough/aggressive veneer bc he feels like its his job to be the protector. + those little chunks of info we got from their character descriptions where they say raph is sensitive and "wants someone to talk to." more realistic & less one note for them!

ugh YES! we sure can it's all I want to talk about anyway I sit at my little corporate job answering my little corporate emails but inside I am like DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.

Anyway, that's embarrassing! Thoughts below the cut so I don't clog up a dash with spoilers and rambles <3

I'm going to address these in (as Jenny Nicholson says) an internet-friendly numbered list! And also adding that these are just my opinions, as I am but a nobody on a rock floating through space.

Also these thoughts are SO HALF BAKED this is like stream of consciousness if you ask me what I said here I may not remember I'm just living a turtle life.

Leo saying he's nothing without his brothers ugh you are so right that was such good content! This strikes me as such a core Leo trait, maybe not shared across iterations in 100% the same way but I really do see that sentiment under the surface frequently. I found it so charming that in Leo's little re-telling of what happened with Bishop and the ambush, he basically made all of his brother's seem like these useless side fools, bolstering up his own role (even lying and saying he was the one to check out the hologram), but then we quickly see that he doesn't at all feel that way. In fact he feels the opposite, and it just felt like such a young growing teen thing to do, try to make yourself the hero. It's also my personal interpretation of why specifically this version of Leo wants to be a leader so badly! He's not the muscle, he's not the brains, he's not the charm. So what is he? He has to find a way to make himself feel important when he feels like maybe he has no other stand out qualities to contribute. But I also happen to think it's the right role for him! He shows his bravery again and again, and his ability to put together a plan, when other people are in need. He can't seem to muster that same courage for himself yet, that's part of his growth, but for the people he loves he comes out in front. I think TotTMNT did a great job with that aspect. <3

Raph! Raphael! What a lad! I really latched onto Raph in this iteration more than I have in previous ones, I really enjoy how he's written. I've always found Raph's anger across iterations to actually really make sense. Of course he's angry, he's a mutant turtle living in the sewers with no real sense of place in this world and no way to interact directly with it! And Rise Raph, while not displaying that direct explosive rage that Raph is known for, kind of showcases it in the stress and responsibility he feels for his family. Anyway, all this is to say we get both of those aspects here in this version along with the flavoring of what appears to me as some real teenage excitement for a little bit of chaos. And that scene was extremely telling I super agree with you!! I mean Raph sees all of his brothers as little shaking chihuahuas, particularly Leo which was VERY charming to me. He definitely sees himself as the protector, but even more, honestly, I think they do to. I mean Leo basically assumes Raph can handle four mechazoids on his own, he's got a lot of faith in his brother's ability to be that brick wall for them. And even though Leo is still the oldest, I do feel like they brought some Rise Raph energy to his character with how responsible he feels. Typically we see Leo as the character who is two seconds away from blowing his top off with all he takes on, but I see that a lot in Raph here too.

Donnie's interpretation of the ambush actually made me so so sad. Like it was basically how he thinks his family views him, as the one who has to save the day but gets no respect of it and doesn't have the tools to do it. He thinks they view him as this megamind that should be able to handle it because what else is he good for? All the others had flashback sequences that kind of center them as a hero, and while Donnie's did have him the last one standing, it didn't have that same kind of vibe. And in all the brother's flashbacks, we see that while they do see him as this dorky nerd, it's never said with any anger or annoyance. I'd call it more of a silly little fondness. But I think this insecurity is an important aspect of Donnie's character that we see in a lot of iterations. The big change here is that Donnie really does feel like just a kid. He's not out here ready to build high tech weaponry or distill medication. He's just a kid who is into coding! He's still learning! And I really enjoyed that. And in that second arc, we get another taste of how level-headed Donnie can be in a crisis situation, which for me tied back to how in the Mutant Mayhem movie, Leo kept looking to Donnie for help and answers. Leo is a frazzled lil man, and Donnie seems to be his source of stability. So it really did break my heart that this poor sassy and sweet boy thinks his family doesn't value him. It's a different flavor from Raph's and Leo's, both of whom have insecurities but they're mostly internal reflections. Donnie seems to feel that coming from the outside, and has twisted that into his own self-image.

Mikey is such a fun character like what a scene-stealer he's so funny in every part of this show, his VA is K I L L I N G it I find his voice acting so charming as Mikey and it brings such life to the character. But I really love how this version of Mikey is so dynamic. Mikey has always, always been a really dynamic character but I think it was a little more hidden, if you know what I mean. Rise Mikey flipped a big script and I like how this version really feels like a true combo from the rise version of Mikey to the traditional core Mikey energy, if that makes sense. I LOVE....this Mikey. He might be my favorite Mikey ever and I am a huge Mikey fan I am probably the only 2007 Mikey Super Fan out here in the world. Anyway, I love how his episodes had him forcibly shaken out of his comfort zone as lil bro. In the first arc he's suddenly in charge of a whole new mutant and Useless Man of the Year Rod. In the second arc he's got to save a whole store of people and a cat! It's A LOT of responsibility for this lil child! And he does a great job! All while expressing the whole time that he doesn't really know what he's doing, and he's afraid he's going to mess it up. It reminds me a lot of how other version of Mikey were often thought of as the weak spots by their respective families (intentionally or not). It was always Mikey the goof. TotTMNT Mikey is a HUGE goof but he's also got this energy to him that PROVES how I always felt about Mikey: I CHOOSE to be a goof, but I can and will step up if I need to! And it makes sense that he looks up to his big brother, that Leo is the one he tries to emulate in times of stress. When the going gets tough, Mikey has to get going, and Leo is his framework for how to do that.

boy was this a ramble and a half. I just had a lot of thoughts. Was any of this coherent? Jury is still out. Thank you so much for sending this in!! And listening to me ramble. I really agree that this show did a good job of bringing in a lot of different traits from different iterations it's so much fun and leads to really dynamic versions!

[snowyvoid]

Hi! You made a really good post about how Gordon should be written as more fucked up/morally questionable more often which I really agree with! Your post mainly focused on the perspective of hlvrai as a real functioning world, but even if you take into account the idea that he's a guy playing a video game he's...still kind of morally weird? Like he never tells ANYONE it's a game of his own volition, it takes Coomer trying to murder him and then spelling out that he knew before the finale for Gordon to admit it to him and the Gnome knew from the start. Providing the ACAB stream now seems to be noncanon, he never tells Bubby, Tommy, Benrey, anyone the truth of his existence. He is lying to them throughout the whole series under the pretense of 'not fucking up the ai' (said in the intro to the first stream) even when they begin to question their environment.

Then in HLAGE, he is clearly shown to care about the Gnome, but not enough to 'save' him. He still wants to complete the video game, he still wants to win, and even if he feels bad about it, he still goes through the motions of ending the challenge. The implication seems to be that he kinda views the Gnome as lesser/less tangible/less important than 'real' people and his affection doesn't really constitute viewing them as equals or worth putting in effort to save. Which seems to be an important trait, since based on the hl2vrai trailer it would seem he didn't come back for the science team like Coomer asked him to.

oh my god!!!!! this!!! this!!!!! he is basically the equivalent of a god to these AI, he controls their ability to think and exist, and he just. god, i dont know how to explain it. it makes me think of monika from ddlc maybe, how she's dependent on the player, and the players want to interact with her. she simply Does Not exist when you are not playing her game. and you, the player (and the equivalent of gordon/the guy playing hlvrai in this metaphor), obviously cannot play the game at all times and keep the dialogue going, but there is. a need to do so depending on your opinions on monika. once an AI becomes aware does it become human and have human needs?? coomer very much so seems to have become at least contextually "human", feeling pain when the game gets turned off, basically being a tamagotchi, etc etc.

but even then does humanity denote whether you deserve to be treated with care??? i have way too many thoughts about all of this.

i feel like gordon/the player probably would not take everything that the science team says seriously. i mean, going back to the ddlc metaphor, after playing the game (if you did), did you ever go back after you finished it? or did you end up getting the proper ending and deleting monika's files? did you do all the things you were supposed to, because yes, obviously it is just a game. monika is not actually a sentient AI and cannot feel. she is just code written that way. and maybe gordon thinks that that's as far as the science team's consciousness goes. it's just a game, they cannot ACTUALLY feel pain, they're just coded to act sentient, etc etc. gordon (probably) does not actually realize the level of sentience and feeling the science team has. maybe he does put them into some nice little game after hlvrai, but then again. He'd probably just never open the game again.

the gnome is probably a prime example of the way a human would react if they were left inside of a game, aware but not existing, and left alone for years. the science team was really fucking nice to gordon despite their awareness.

this post is about the fictional player/gordon. this is not about wayne. obvious point to make but i feel like somebody may get confused.

the mentions of ddlc are very affected by the fact that i played that game when i was WAY too young and felt so fucking bad about leaving monika alone, which lead to me playing the game almost daily for months and never deleting her file (partially due to me not actually knowing how to delete files but. the other reason is more important now.) i have autism and it makes me care VERY much about inanimate/nonhuman objects. i feel bad for the science team, okay.

basically, gordon is morally grey because Oh My God he's an awful person to these AI, but also wouldn't you do the same thing? wouldn't you just close the game thinking "oh yeah that's just how the characters are coded. lol they'll be fiiiine" and not have any second thoughts? and is gordon a bad person for doing that same thing with a modded half-life? yes and no.

hlvrai is the AI forgiving gordon for leaving them alone, hlage is the AI hating gordon for leaving them alone. and i think thats why the gnome has more presence in (the players) reality? like, the gnome wants gordon to know and feel exactly what he felt. whereas the science team, obviously excluding the coomer and benry boss fights, never really thought to HATE hate gordon. the science team is monika from ddlc and the gnome is AM from i have no mouth but i must scream. (this point also connects to an idea i have about haunted houses/homes. a haunted house is a house that hates you, a home is a house that loves you. barely connect but. it's a cool idea to add i guess??)

bleh. i cannot put all of these thoughts in order, and it's really hard to entirely explain what i mean. i hope this suffices??? thank you so much for the ask though. i really appreciate being able to talk about my interests with others lol. in conclusion, i really want to make character designs for the science team after they have been left to rot for a while in half-life. maybe they would grow mold or something.

(post that was mentioned at the start of the ask)

[trzepotttt]

very curious about your baltic sea drowning short story please tell me its in english

its in polish😭😭😭

but basically its loosly based on a ballad świtezianka by adam mickiewicz where every four verses of thr poem were followed by a bit of prose. it was mostly written as a stream of consciousness but the basic plot was that two ~19 year olds accidentally kill a guy while drunk driving & dispose of the body in the baltic sea. the boy (pov character) feels deep regret and pins the blame on his gf to cope with his feelings. the ending is an open one (and i kinda dont remember what i really had in mind) but he tries to drown her, fails, then they both end up drowning themselves in the sea - him filled with regret, her with disgust about his weakness.

i wrote it a few years ago but im still pretty happy with how it turned out. im probably never gonna publish it anywhere tho because it literally takes place 40 minutes away from where i live (pomerania supermacy btw 💪💪💪) (fuck west pomerania we dont need her 💪💪💪 join germany or sth)