#thread ( cali )

[00sgoth-1]

thinkin about how ian is such a cali boy. he loves skateboarding by the coast and going to the beach to clear his head. he doesn't surf but he still loves the ocean and going swimming sometimes. all of this once the sun starts going down obvs because he refuses to wear sunscreen 99% of the time.

[niaxbailey]

@cali-cabrera Location: Beachfront Neighborhood. "This just proves you literally look good in anything," Nia offered her partner a mile-wide pearl white smile. Tossing in a playful wink for good measure. "This thing is kind of... scratchy though, right?" Her fingertips toyed absently with neon colored vest she and the other volunteers were all wearing. It looked mesh, but not like a soft comfortable jersey fabric. It was cheap and plastic-y. Nia stopped fussing with her vest to unroll her big black garbage bag. "Damn, that storm really washed some things up huh?" A heavy sigh parted her lips as her umber gaze scanned the beach. Others paired off around them to help clean up the beach in the wake of Hurricane Hax. Trash, foliage, and you name it marred the sand. "How'd the aquarium fair?" Nia posed, wielding her garbage picker like a seasoned professional. "The resort pool looked like it belonged in a horror movie, or maybe some post-apocalyptic film." There were protocols for such heavy maintenance, but the sight had still been pretty unnerving nonetheless.

[acr3ss-the-cosmos]

some addendums to my post-2.5 headcanons

There are days where Jiaoqiu's chronic nerve pain flares up, along with intense muscle spasms that leave him unable to move around very much, and can also leave him feeling quite exhausted. He needs the most help during these times, whether it's with chores around his home, cooking meals, or assisting him to the bathroom or bedroom.

Due to the poor coagulation of his blood, he can bruise very easily (and very badly, if he's not careful). This is why he takes care to move slowly when traversing his home or anywhere else.

Speaking of cooking, Jiaoqiu does learn to adapt in navigating his kitchen with his blindness! Aside from having been well familiar with its layout for many years, he's also adopted several new methods of safely preparing meals on his own. These include wearing cut resistant gloves when using knives, labeling his herbs, spices, appliances, etc. with both braille labels and tactile marks, and using sound to listen for when foodstuffs like meat is done cooking.

Although I stated before that his mental state can be up and down, with the help of Feixiao, Moze, and any other friends or ship-verse partners he ends up with, Jiaoqiu is starting a long, slow journey of healing from both his trauma and his self-depreciation. He ended up succeeding in his 30 year long mission to save Feixiao, and that alone has brought him a great deal of contentment. It doesn't mean that all of his problems are completely gone (far from it), but he's finally moving forward with his own life, however different it looks now.

[birdmenmanga]

I ate so much extravagant food yesterday I think I'll just eat a simple bento today LOL

[heartfe1t]

@chrryblsssm | spotify wrapped starters

 🎁 + 77 | exes by tate mcrae

    ❝    you've still got his number and his necklace-    ❞    the fact he's been gone- and the fact she's seeing photos online- that's not going to change a thing. not when mila seems to have really captured quinn's attention and his heart.    ❝    you have not a single thing to worry about. that man is yours.    ❞    whether it's official official or not. ashley rose will always have mila's back. her current boyfriend's on the team too, and she's certainly never expected to end up in la, she misses nashville, but... this move was for a lot of reasons.

[rcguevariant]

My muse has just been slapped across the face in front of yours… how does your muse react? 

@biblicallyaccuratemcu || CALY :

The 'crack' of an open palm connecting with Anna Marie's face is a sound so sharp, it leaves Caly's ears ringing. She'd only turned away for a second - but time is a difficult thing to keep track of in an environment like this one. What felt like only a second, could have very well been minutes, with the tequila burning through her veins, and igniting like a flare between her ribs.  "Hey - bitch!"   Caly's fist is swift, soaring through that short distance between herself and the stranger that had deigned herself important enough to lay hands on her friend. There's an audible crunch, as the cartilage of the other person's nose gives beneath the mutant's knuckles. And in her current state, Caly's mental guards don't have time to come up - the images flood her mind, drowning out the roar of the bar, and threatening to drag her under. What she's done tonight pales in comparison to the fate that awaits this woman...If only Caly could take comfort in the notion. After wrenching herself free from the vision, Caly seizes Anna Marie by whatever clothed part of her she can reach, and gives a desperate tug toward the door. "We should leave." She sounds so haggard...

When Caly's fist connects with the person's nose, Rogue can only stand there for a moment, staring in surprise. It's not as if she doesn't appreciate her friend defending her like that; of course, she does. She just doesn't want the redhead to get into any kind of trouble because of her. It's not worth that. Anna Marie has certainly endured much worse than a slap to the face; it's not as if she can't take it. Then again, considering Caly's current state, with her inhibitions lowered, maybe she shouldn't be quite so surprised.

The look on the redhead's face snaps Rogue out of her surprised state. She realizes her friend has to have seen something terrible, the death of the offending woman in what must be a particularly HORRIBLE way.

When Caly grabs Anna Marie's sleeve, tugging her hastily towards the door accompanied by the weary suggestion that they should leave, she nods in agreement, letting the redhead lead her away without hesitation. "Caly, ya didn't have to do that for me, ya know. Ah appreciate it, Ah do, but, it just ain't worth it, you know?"

They exit the bar and make their way out into the parking lot. "Caly... that woman... what the hell did you see back there?"

[cali-cabrera]

"I'm not mad about it!" Grinning over at her friend, Cali glanced back to Billie's game, throwing her arms up to celebrate the little girl making the shot. "Well at least one of us has throwing skills, I'm going to live vicariously through you whilst you achieve my Olympic dreams in the future, Billie." Brushing her hair back before loosely crossing her arms over her chest, Cali nodded. "I'm sure she has something but honestly, I'm fine in this, I kind of came to this bit having been countrified as I thought I'd be down here all day. What are you wearing? Are you going glam?" Looking back at Leyla, Cali's brow furrowed slightly as she tried to make sense of what was going on. She knew there was something underlying of course, but the look on Leyla's face suggested it wasn't as underlying as she believed. "Why are you being so weird? I only asked because you did." There was a time where Cali and Marco had been joined at the hip, rarely seeing one without the other, but maybe that's what was so different now. "You could just text him if you want to know where he is, you know?" Shaking her head, Cali leaned down to kiss Billie on the head before she turned back to her friend. "I should go and find Sofia, but I'll see you tonight, right? I'll meet you and Val somewhere, but I'll text you." Leaning in, she gave Leyla's cheek a quick peck before heading off and towards her elder sister.

Leyla laughed, shaking her head as she nudged Cami. "Tequila and chaos — our legacy," she teased, her eyes following Billie as she nailed another shot. "Well done, B! Seriously, Billie might actually win something here.. girl's got more game than either of us!" As Cali talked about raiding Mari's wardrobe, she offered an enthusiastic smile, knowing there was nothing better than a literal performer's wardrobe. "Girl, please, we're going to find you an outfit but I'm sure Mari wouldn't mind?? Her wardrobe would be to die for!" Leyla narrowed her eyes at her friend now, amusement colouring her features as a smirk tugged at her lips. "Nothing's going on! I don't know what you mean? I was just.. wondering, that's all."

[stellarhistoria]

inbox call // @fangsdude. // cali vo & luka highwind.

there's a slow blink, curious and yet almost mischievous in his own resting bitch face way. he thinks for a moment, looking over the man with little reproach of how he's clearly doing so.

he's good, you know, at being a doctor, a medic, a healer through and through. with that comes the ability to make a good judgement call, when another doesn't realize it or know something about themselves. and indeed, sometimes when there's games afoot. alas, it always seems that he's so dismal and solemn to most.

"... Twenty-two to thirty-five." he doesn't know enough, and quite frankly, knowing even a little bit about physical state, or mental state, means nothing these days. however, youth is a mental state, young is a state of being. sometimes, SOMETIMES, a person has both.

"I would hazard a guess and say closer to twenty-two, but not quite the complete low end. Perhaps... twenty six? No, twenty-eight. Hmm... You're not in your thirties yet, from what I can gather, but you're not still developing as a person, at least within your own actual brain. So, twenty-eight sounds... about right."

[niaxbailey]

Where || Downton, Cali's home. Who || @cali-cabrera At this point in their friendship, when Cali opened her door to find Nia sitting on her kitchen counter with the smell of freshly popped buttery popcorn drifting through the air, the woman had lost all sense of trying to appear sheepish. "Hey gorgeous," Nia chirped with a smile and a playful wink tossed towards the brunette. "I may have let myself in for a snack." Which translated that she'd neglected going grocery shopping again, and instead of going to the store to remedy that she raided Cali's kitchen. "I brought that as payment -" she pointed to a bottle of wine, which was already open and a glass perched beside Nia on the counter top.

[gayofthefae]

Thinking about how if you cut the whole Cali rode trip plot out season four would not be altered at all. They were missing for a whole episode and nothing was hindered.

So why not cut it?

Because season FIVE would be DESTROYED by it.

Because Byler is so vital it needs this set up. Foundation laying seems useless when you don't know something will be built.

Yes. The Cali plot could have been cut entirely. They were glorified chauffeurs with extra obstacles for filler (and literally only one extra obstacle). But that's actually Byler PROOF.

It was useless to the season 4 plot. So the only reason to keep it in when they could have easily just incorporated the characters into other plotlines - they're able to fly to Hawkins, they go with Joyce, some do one, some do the other, whatever - the only reason to isolate them then have them do seemingly nothing of value is SETUP for something that IS needed.

The only reason for having that is if without it, season 5 rolls around and now VITAL plotlines are out of the blue. It is the "blank makes you crazy" to "From Mike". The "I love her" to "from Mike".

Because Byler was not a plotline in season 4. Not really. Not totally. Not vitally, at least. What it was was threads woven back of a plotline in season FIVE. What it was was planning, preparation.

Jonathan and Argyle are basically comedic relief. Mike and Will do nothing to help El except get to her with a car that they did not drive or need to be in for their plan to work. And if the plot were Mike and El, Mike and El would be there, no. The plot is Mike and Will talking, is just the conversation topic - the same way Will was for Mike and El in season 1.

Mike and Will only setup romantic plotlines, assist the supernatural plotline in no way, and are physically isolated from affecting any other characters' plotline, but have no romantic payoff and their romance is not even addressed.

Because this isn't a vital season plotline. This is "I know you wanna see what the NINA Project is doing but season 5 would be shit without this you guys I promise".

Don't care about it but can't live without it of storytelling. Almost everything in season 4 is the same without it. But almost everything about the ending of the show is exponentially different. Season 4 is unchanged. But season 5 falls apart. Without Byler. Without us knowing the little things here and there that we now know.

Because if you go over it, barely anything even happened in their plotline. I've said this before, it really was just a bunch of unpaid setups - which makes sense given season 4 and 5 were supposed to be one season.

It's really just because we need to go into season 5 with the knowledge in the back of our minds "Will loves Mike, Will lied to Mike tpo get him to stay with El, Mike's scared the truth about his love for her would hurt her, Mike told El he loved her to save her life".

4 facts. 4. Not plotlines, facts. Some of which are single scenes, many of which are just single lines. It's information. It's setup. It doesn't matter now. But not cutting it is their way of saying it WILL. "It'll pay off," as the Duffers said to Finn Wolfhard.

Nothing else happened in this plotline and they could have integrated these characters elsewhere. This plotline didn't even really have a plotline, just a sparsely scattered series of facts.

But as someone who predicts lots of mysteries accurately, THAT'S how they show you their hand. Not what they tell you is important. What they try to convince you is useless (but made space for anyway).

That's a twist the only way to do a twist. They said in tightening the season 4 scripts they went back to episode 1 to write in that Eddie played guitar so it was planted for later. This is the same thing. It's just planting things so they aren't out of the blue. THIS is how you do a twist, and why we know to predict one. People are right, they do not have a love story plotline. But what they do have is 'rewatch details' with no other purpose. What they do have is "uselessness".

If season 4 is unaffected by their plotline, it means season 5 falls apart without it.

[seraphcas111]

A Postcard Story:

So for Dean's 46th this year, he decides to drag his husband around the states in Baby, ordering radio silence from his family to enjoy the open road, wherever the road takes them.

Here's a thread of postcards he sends Sam along the roadtrip:

Seattle was a nice place to start, people are kind and there's a lot of good food he's never tried. Dean was just glad that Cas could fly Baby with them to get there. Don't get him wrong, angel flight sucks too, for his stomach in particular, but it's nowhere near as bad as a plane.

When they drove into Cali, he was glad they managed to see the bridge in all it's glory. Real movie moment for him. They relaxed in Santa Cruz for a while, enjoying the views along the Pacific coast highway. He brought the Hawaiian shirts they bought when they all went to Gran Canaria a few summers ago as a family, getting nice tans before moving on.

Cas didn't let him rest for long when they got to L.A, asking Dean to hear him out before getting mad as he dragged him out. All frustration disappeared when they arrived at the studio though, Dean nerded out about the themed restaurants and rides while there was a mustard stain on his chin from chili dog he devoured. Cas was just happy to eat a burger and see Dean smile.

Tombstone flipped the tables for them. Now Cas loves his husband's passion, it's one of the most endearing qualities, he'd never let anyone dim the brightness he has talking about cowboys and westerns. But it can be a lot sometimes. He was committed to buying them both a full cowboy outfit before they left. Plus a hat for Jack, a buckle for Sam, new cowboy boots for Eileen and souvenirs he could hand out to the family.

Despite it being hot as balls, Dean loved being in Texas again. They ate some good authentic barbeque and went to a few museums Cas was interested in. Dean liked hearing him talk about the old buildings, the history and changes the landscape went through and Cas liked seeing Dean take selfies in front of the world's tallest cowboy boots, having to stop him promptly from climbing it and potentially breaking his back from a fall.

They took it slow in New Orleans, strolling down the french quarter like they were a couple courting in some Edwardian romance. It was warm but not oppressive, content to walk aimlessly, hand in hand, while the sounds of buskers playing strings echoed around the alleys. They danced under a street lamp, and kissed sweetly when the moon rose, all he could think about was how he felt safe in Cas' arms.

Dean loved it in Downtown, he felt right at home, locals welcoming him and Cas with open arms. They passed him free drinks when they saw their rings, pushed him on stage to sing some tipsy version of 'Should've been a cowboy'. Cas seemed to find it funny. He wouldn't say why.

He'd forgotten what a real Philly cheese steak was supposed to taste like but fuck him, he can't ever go back. One of the owners happily gave him the recipe, challenging him in recreating the sandwich he ordered. He's not got it perfect yet, but he's determined. At least Cas is a bottomless pit who can eat all the failed attempts he makes, zero waste fun!

New York was strange. He kept thinking about all the eccentrics and wide eyed kids who probably had dreams he'd never even considered before. At least when he looks at Cas now, he doesn't think he's done badly, hell maybe he's living a dream these New Yorkers wish they had too. He can't imagine what it's like to hedge all your scraped money and efforts on a chance of making it big as any kind of artist. He's pretty sure he already hit the jackpot with his life.

Teaching Cas to fish in Maine was a tumultuous task to put it nicely. Cas is already bitchy enough and Dean knows he can give as good as he gets, but they agreed never to go on a tiny boat alone together if one of them doesn't want to be drowned. Not to say they didn't have a good time though. They enjoyed the quiet of the calm waters and the breeze on their skin. Cas' first successful catch of the visit put them at ease, hell they were gonna drink a bottle of whiskey to celebrate, he got a pretty big one after all.

Cas was really making use of that sketchpad. He bought it for his husband a couple hundred miles back, noticing him sketching absent mindedly whenever there was a moment of reprieve. Dean hasn't seen everything inside, but he's seriously amazed at Cas' talent. Who knew right? It's a good way to store the memories, something more personal than the dorky couple selfies they took together in front of the falls. He'll look through them fondly later, remembering the time he took to enjoy his life, and enjoy Cas. Both things he's taken for granted before. He's learned his lesson now.

“It was awesome, seriously, and the water was so clear too, y'know? I asked Cas about Paradise falls on the way home” “The one in Venezuela?” Sam surmises, nursing his beer with a small smile. “Yeah! Well he said that he'd been a couple times centuries ago and it felt pretty magical then, and then I said ‘Did you know they're called Angel Falls too?’ and he gave me that look–” “I did not give you that look.” Cas frowns. “You totally did, Sam, you know the one.” “I did not give any looks, I just said that I was aware, and that was that.” Sam watches them both roll their eyes fondly at each other, hands definitely held together under the map table. “Whatever, my point is, we should totally go there together! I mean with the Angel flight express we could camp somewhere pretty close to the falls themselves.” “Like in 'Up' ? I'm in!” Jack says with a bright smile. Dean high fives him and Cas just sighs in exasperation. Eileen watches them all fondly, chin resting on her hand, likely feeling the same longing ache Sam does easing as she watches them all in the same space again. Sam missed this. He was really happy that Dean wanted to take time away for himself, for Cas too. They deserved to disappear from the world and live some of the life they both missed out on. But damn did he miss his family's regular bullshit, nothing makes him happier. “You know what, that sounds like a great idea.” Dean looks back at him with surprise, but it quickly shifts into that signature grin. “That's what I wanna hear! I knew I could count on you Sammy.” “How about we feed you before you go taking us to the other end of the world? Can't plan for reckless journeys on empty stomachs.” Ellen segways smartly. Dean claps his hands and points at her in agreement and they all start to get up to move. Sam sits and watches for a few seconds, just to be grateful for what he has. “Sammy, you good man?” Dean asks, looking back over his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah I'm good. Oh hey, Dean?” Dean raises his eyebrows in question. “Happy birthday.” Dean rolls his eyes, but smiles at him, and they walk together towards the kitchen.

💙💚

[soursquare68]

I think the most jarring scenes in S4 are the two b-roll shots of the planes taking off, and I was irked by them until I realized something.

The first plane that takes off is Mike going to Cali and the second plane is Joyce and Murray going to Alaska.

In the scene after the plane b-roll for Joyce and Murray, the flight attendant assumes that they are married and Joyce does not deny it. Obviously, we the audience and them the characters know that's not the case, but everyone around them would assume that to be true. The reason Joyce wouldn't deny it is because there's no point in making a fuss, but we saw that she denied it with Hopper in S3 because she genuinely felt romantic feelings towards him. This denial is a common romantic trope in all types of media, and so it wouldn't make sense to use with Joyce and Murray; this is the writers establishing this as a trope they specifically and intentionally use. In this case they choose not to use it because the situation is not romantic. (we will come back to this VERY soon).

As the scene stands by itself it has literally no purpose other than the above point, a strange transition, and to potentially parallel the other scene that happens right after plane b-roll.

Of course that scene is the infamous airport scene. How I think these scenes relate to each other is through both characters not denying a relationship that isn't real. Of course, that's more obvious and truly what's happening in Joyce's case, but more metaphorical in Mike's. During the airport scene, it's very obvious Mike is trying to be someone he's not (El does the same thing too), their relationship isn't working, but he's trying to hold onto the threads that are left. He's not facing the truth that their relationship is falling apart, and is built on a lie because he does not feel anything romantically towards El. The same way Joyce does not feel anything romantically about Murray.

The real kicker to it all though, and what points specifically to Byler, is the way the writers establish denial as leading to romantic feelings. I think we're all familiar with the Rink - O - Mania fight, specifically the dialogue, "and us?" / "We're friends. We're friends." / "Well, we used to be best friends." Mike's line here is his own denial of there being anything more between him and Will (Which, yeah, the fact that he jumped to that conclusion in the first place is already very byler coded).

As a side note, I'd also like to mention that the ST writers seem to put a lot of importance in lines that repeat. Mike repeating "we're friends" twice, is not an accident, and has a deeper meaning. (Most likely to show that Mike is thinking there could be something more; he's creating the possibility with his words.)

So, in conclusion, the ST writers have very purposefully used denial as a romantic trope throughout the seasons (Jancy + Jopper + Steve's feelings for Robin + early Mileven + early Stancy) I think the only relationships that haven't done this are Duzie, Lumax, and Rovickie if my memory is correct. And the one time, (again if my memory is correct), a pair is assumed to be a couple and they are 100% not one, there is no denial of it.

That only leaves Byler.

As a final side note, I'd like to mention Stobin (Specifically the unrequited feelings). One might argue that since Stobin was unrequited that Byler could also fall into that same category, however it's important to know that Steve was denying his own feelings towards Robin, the same way Mike is denying his feelings for Will. We already know Will is canonically in love with Mike, that's not a problem. The only reason why Stobin didn't work out is because Robin couldn't love Steve romantically, but that's not going to be a problem with Byler because Mike is in the same spot that Steve was.

Anyways, this was long. Let me know if I've missed anything!

TLDR: Byler is Endgame.

[hischierswhore]

FOR THE BETTER | chapter 1

✰ warnings: cursing, mentions of cheating, mentions of violence, if i missed anything please please please let me know

✰ nat’s note: hellooo everyone! i’m finally back after a bit of a hiatus, and i finally have motivation to write again! i hope to stay consistent with this series. if you have any suggestions as to what you’d like to see in this AU, send it to my inbox!

✰ masterlist

january 30th

Betrayed. That's exactly what you felt as you scrolled through the messages between your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. The conversation was a thread of addresses, heart emojis, and plenty of pictures. Oh, how you wished you hadn't scrolled. 

You were just supposed to text yourself a picture that he took of you from his phone while he was in the shower. You scrolled through his messages app, trying to find your contact when you stumbled across one with the name "D ❤️". You thought it was a bit weird so you clicked on the message, ultimately regretting your decision. 

You felt the tears well in your eyes, your vision suddenly becoming blurry as you heard the bathroom door open. You refused to make eye contact with the man you loved, choosing to stare at the ground instead. 

"Y/n? What's wrong?" Trevor asked as he ruffled the towel through his damp hair. When you didn't respond, he grabbed your arm in hopes of getting your attention. 

"Earth to Y/n?" He waved his hand in front of your face, thinking that you were just lost in thought. 

"How long?" You looked up at him, tears slowly beginning to trickle down your face. 

"How long what? What are you talking about?" He visibly appeared confused.

"Don't act stupid, Trevor. How long have you been texting Dixie?" Those were the last words he expected to hear come from your mouth. 

"I'm not-" He tried to speak before you interrupted him. 

"Don't even lie. I saw the messages. Now answer my question: how long?"

"5 months..." He was the one to look down now, ashamed. 

"So... you've been cheating on me for the majority of our relationship? So for 5 out of the 8 months we were together you were also with Dixie?"

"Yeah..."

"Why? Why keep me around if you were sneaking around with someone else? Do you understand how disgusting that makes me feel? Hell, you don't even seem like you're sorry!"

"I am sorry, I just don't know what to say"

"There's nothing to say anymore, Trevor! When we first got together, you knew damn well that there was nothing I hated more than a liar & a cheater, and you turned out to be both, so congratulations to you for losing the one person you could rely on" You yelled as you stood up from the bed, the thought of being in the same room as him disgusted you, nonetheless on the same bed as him. 

"Where are you going?" Trevor followed you throughout his apartment, watching as you grabbed your suitcase and your keys. 

"I'm leaving, I'm done. I can't be with someone who doesn't respect me. Have a great life with Dixie. Wishing you both the worst"

And with that, you walked out of Trevor's apartment and his life. The downside to this decision? You had nowhere to go; you weren't from California. You were visiting Trevor for 2 weeks, and unfortunately, your trip was cut short due to your now ex-boyfriend's choices. 

Not knowing what to do, you called Quinn, hoping he would know what to do. 

"Y/n? It's 9:30 pm on a Friday, and you're in Cali. Is everything okay?" Quinn spoke through the phone. 

"Quinn me and Trevor just broke up and I'm in the middle of LA and I don't have anywhere to go and I don't know what to do" You rambled to your older brother, hoping he could help you out. 

"Woah woah woah calm down. Take a deep breath. For starters, call an Uber to LAX. I'll book you the first flight out of there to New Jersey. Secondly, what happened?"

"I found out Trevor was cheating on me for 5 months with Dixie" You whispered, almost as if you were afraid to say it louder. You heard a commotion on the other end of the phone. 

"I'll fucking beat his ass next time I see him. Whether it be on the ice or off" You could tell Quinn was seething on the other end of the line simply based on his tone. 

"I'll be okay, Q. I just want to be home" Tears started falling once again. 

"You'll be there soon, I promise. Just go to LAX, get on the flight and I'll tell Jack & Luke to pick you up. I'll come visit as soon as I possibly can, okay? I love you, Y/n/n" Poor Quinn's heart ached for you. He knew you'd need all the love & support you could get, seeing as this was your first serious relationship and unfortunately, your first major heartbreak. 

"Love you too, Q. I'll see you soon, thank you" You wiped the tears from your eyes as you called an Uber to the airport. 

february 1st

2 days had passed since you & Trevor broke up. You were completely isolated from everyone within those 2 days. The only times you came out of your room were to eat and go to the bathroom. You didn't want to tell your brothers what had happened because both of them were close with your now ex-boyfriend. You knew you'd end up having to tell them because Quinn was on his way and you knew it would truly suck if he told them before you did.

About 30 minutes later, Quinn arrived and settled himself into the guest bedroom. Jack & Luke knew he was coming, but the reason being unknown. It was now or never, you thought to yourself. You inhaled as you exitted your room and made your way to the living room where your 3 brothers were sitting. They appeared to be mid-conversation when you walked in, all 3 of them immediately directing their attention to you.

You sat on one of the single-seater couches, trying hard not to have a full breakdown infront of your brothers.

"I think it's best we address the elephant in the room" You started, looking up to see all 3 of the boys nodding their heads in agreement.

"I wasn't supposed to be back from Cali for another week or so, but my trip got cut short, and I don't think I'll be going back anytime soon" You watched as Jack & Luke's eyebrows scrunched and they tilted their heads; you could see the gears trying to turn in their heads.

"But Trevor?" Luke managed to get out, still not fully comprehending what you were saying. You sighed heavily.

"There's no more Trevor. I uhm- I found out he was cheating on me with his ex..." You fiddled with your fingers, trying to avoid eye contact with them.

"What?" Jack was shocked. He couldn't process what was being said right now.

"How'd you find out? You don't have to say if you don't want to" Quinn asked, already knowing the basics but not the details.

"It's alright. He told me to go on his phone and send myself the pictures he took of me earlier in the day. I looked through his messages trying to find my name and I saw one that looked odd so I clicked on it. I saw more than I would have liked. He admitted to cheating for 5 out of the 8 months we were together" You watched as Quinn got up from his spot and came over to give you a big hug, one you desperately needed.

Jack and Luke both sat in silence, mouths agape as they tried to take it in.

"Y/n/n, we're so sorry" Both boys said in unison as they too joined in the hug.

"I'll be okay eventually. It just really sucks. But I promise I'll be fine" You reassured the boys, holding onto them tighter before letting them go back to their original seats.

"So what've you been doing since you got back?" Quinn asked, trying to start a semi-normal conversation.

"Writing. Lots of writing. Decided to scrap the original songs I had planned for the album and started fresh. Got 3 songs written so far, just gotta record"

"That's good. Are they bangers or like super depressing songs?” Luke piped in.

“So far it’s a mix. One is kind of a ballad and the other 2 are more upbeat” You shrugged. Jack sat in his spot, still in shock.

“You okay, Rowdy?” You checked in on your older brother, bringing him back to reality.

“Oh yeah, I’m good. I’m still just trying to process that Z would do that, especially to you of all people”

“Just know that all 3 of us will be fighting him both on & off the ice. We do not care” Quinn added, hoping to get a laugh out of you, which he did successfully.

“Well thanks guys. I really appreciate it. I’ll try to not be so mopey anymore, I promise”

“As long as you let us go with you to the studio!” Luke loved going with you to the studio. He thought it was the coolest thing ever.

“Why not? All 3 of you can come with me”

✰ taglist: @lovelynikol16

✰ nat’s note: if you’d like to be added to the taglist, send a reply & i’ll add you on :)

[acircusfullofdemons]

Oh my god...OH MY GOD???? THIS IS SO GOOD WHAT THE HELL. DIVINE. YOURE SPOILING ME 😍 IM OBSESSED WITH THIS THE MOODBOARD IS SO NICE AND COLORFUL AAAAAAA

Time Works a Little Differently Here… Let’s Put On The Best Performance Ever, Okay?

Lead Guitarist!Aerith + Singer/Performer!Calypso The Elemental Rhythm + Dreamset Circus

💙/💙/💙 🎵/🎵/🎵 💖/💖/💖

*Dreamset Circus, Calypso, and their depictions belong to @acircusfullofdemons! (No special occasion, I just love you and your paras <3)

[coff33andb00ks]

Poison - LN

Hopeless, Part 3 {1 - Hopeless} {2 - Luxury}

Lando Norris x fem!reader / reader x Charles Leclerc) summary: perfect couldn't keep this love alive, we were always meant to say goodbye songs: already gone by sleeping at last word count: 5414 warnings: angst, reader says things she shouldn't, angst, lando says worse things, angst, charles is a bad fiance, alcohol use, oscar remains the only truly decent person in this series, angst, mentions of sexual situations (not explicit), oh and angst (not a happy ending) a.n.: I've really enjoyed writing this little series. thank you all for being as obsessed with heartbroken lando as I am <3 note: this picks up immediately after the ending of the first part {Hopeless}

You can't bring yourself to read Lando's texts. You're still in shock yourself, the last twelve hours a whirlwind that still has you spinning. So you leave that message thread untouched, and when he calls you for the tenth time you send it to voicemail, knowing you won't listen to it.

The one you listened to first thing this morning left an ache in your heart you're sure will never go away.

Is it true? You… A shaky breath, like he was fighting tears. You can't. What about – call me. Please.

You can't call him. You can't even read his texts, you don't know if you'll ever be able to speak to him. Your phone buzzes and you look at the voicemail notification, turning your phone facedown on the nightstand. Not now. You need to catch up with everything that's happened.

Behind you Charles groans and you squeeze your eyes shut as his arm tightens around you. He nuzzles the back of your head, humming while he presses kisses to your shoulder.

"Good morning," he murmurs.

You murmur it back to him, watching his hand slide down your arm to clasp yours. He lifts it, the morning sunlight catching the diamond on your finger. You're engaged. You still can't believe it. How had you gone from arguing in the garage to this? The night rewinds in your mind while Charles whispers sweet words.

The argument. Why? He'd said he'd wanted to spend the summer break in St. Tropez. After promising you over and over he would spend it with your family back in the States. St. Tropez was just a couple hours from Monaco, he could go there anytime, you rarely got to see your family. But it was his summer break, his money, his choice. Four words had burned on your tongue but you'd held them back, finally storming off to cool down.

Lando would take me.

Because of course he would. It wasn't a secret between you that he'd do everything within his power to make you happy. And you'd stood in the chilly night air, tempted to ask him to come with you to Cali for break, because you knew how much he loved LA. Then Charles had found you and…

Said all the right things.

Apologized. Validated your feelings. He'd forgotten, he was sorry, he would cancel his plans of course, the two of you would spend a lovely two weeks in California. He was so sorry, please, he would make it right.

And you'd forgiven him. As you always did.

He starts to pull away from you now, and you know it's time to get up and get ready for race day. The hotel room is a ridiculous mess, clothes from last night all over the floor, tipped over candles, scattered roses. You inwardly cringe, nodding when Charles suggests leaving a large tip for housekeeping. You tidy up a little while he's in the shower, because you can't not do it.

The ring feels heavy on your hand and you stop gathering the discarded clothes to stare at it. It's beautiful, if a little on the gaudy side, a large diamond solitaire set in platinum, diamonds all around.

"I know I have made mistakes, mon amour. But you have stood by my side and made me a better man. Please, say you'll stay by my side forever?"

It had all been too much. The roses, the candles, your favorite wine, the adoration in his eyes. You'd said yes, knowing you couldn't take the pain of saying no. And you couldn't take it back. It was too late.

Late night calls to his family in Monaco, FaceTiming with your sister and mom. Candlelit photos posted to social media.

You're going to marry Charles.

It's supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life but you feel like your world is turned upside down. You're supposed to be over the moon, already planning the wedding that you've had in mind since you were a little girl.

"We'll have the wedding of your dreams, chérie."

"What about your dream wedding?"

"My dream was you."

He'd said the right things.

You shower, standing under the hot water to ease the slight aches from the night before. He'd been more passionate than ever before, driving you over the edge countless times, twisting and bending your body with his, near constantly moaning his love for you.

There's a crowd of fans outside the hotel and you blink in surprise when they begin screaming their congratulations, still unused to the attention even after being with him for over a year. You smile and stay at his side while he signs a few things, wondering if you look as shell-shocked as you feel.

Leclerc's camera shy girlfriend, they call you online. Apparently you're goals, and you wonder what they would think if they knew the truth.

At the track it's even crazier, and you're reminded that he was called the grid's most eligible bachelor when you first began dating. How'd you pin him down, y/n?

You wish you knew.

By the time you reach the motorhome you never want to hear the word congratulations again. You stop outside, letting Leo down so he can do his business, freezing when you spot a McLaren uniform.

It's Oscar. You breathe a sigh of relief, nodding when Charles kisses your cheek and says he has to go chat with Max.

"C'mon, Leo," you encourage while the puppy sniffs the ground.

"Y/n."

You look up, smiling faintly as Oscar approaches. "Hey."

He looks at you, then at your left hand, slowly lifting his eyes to your face again. "Big night, yeah?"

"Yeah." Your cheeks hurt from your forced smile. "I guess it's a shock to everyone."

"Eh… You're right," he says. Squatting down to pet Leo, he stays down, watching the puppy. "Have you seen Lando?"

"I think Oscar suspects."

It's mumbled between heated kisses in the club bathroom. Lando moans, head falling back when your hands slip inside his jeans. "No he doesn't."

"He keeps looking at us." The heavy bass vibrates the door you're pressed against, and his hands push at your dress.

"Everyone's looking at you tonight."

Your protest to that dies on a moan because he's inside you and you forget Oscar exists.

"Not today," you tell him. Finally Leo pees in the tiny scrap of grass he found and you bend to pick him up.

"Have you talked to him?" Oscar asks softly.

"Is he missing?"

Oscar sighs, pushing upright. "He's in the garage."

You glance in that direction, even though you can't see the McLaren garage from where you are. Sighing, you hold Leo close, arms aching to hold someone else. Then, like he knows you're looking, you hear your phone start to vibrate in your purse. You don't have to look to know it's Lando.

"Are you happy?"

Your head slowly turns and you hold your breath as you look at Oscar. "What?"

"Your engagement."

You part your lips to tell him yes. To push the forced smile back into place and play the part of ecstatically happy fiancée to the Charles Leclerc. But all you can do is look at him while your phone stops buzzing. You don't know why you can pretend for everyone else, but not for Oscar.

He sighs, obviously reading the answer on your face. Giving his head a little shake, he folds his arms over his chest.

"I didn't—" You stop, not wanting to say the words out loud. You can't.

He tips his head to one side. "Didn't what."

Didn't mean to hurt Lando. Didn't mean to fall in love with him. Didn't mean to ruin your life. Didn't mean to make such a mess of everything. You blink, the past few months rushing through your mind.

"He deserves the truth, y/n." He says the words softly, and you don't get to ask which he before he turns and walks away.

Ferrari is ecstatic. Good press is good press, and apparently Charles getting engaged is great press. They want photos, a quick interview for their social media. They want you front and center in the garage, and the PR person encourages you to kiss Charles before he gets into his car.

You watch from inside the garage, feeling as though you're more on display than usual, a camera always cutting to you. Charles wins and you're forced to finally see Lando, who gets p2, because it would be weird if you didn't go out to congratulate your fiancé. During the chaos he turns to you and you're frozen, staring into his eyes.

He's smiling but there's heartbreak in his eyes. And you want to do whatever it takes to send it as far from as possible.

Someone bumps into him and he catches himself before he stumbles into you, his lips mouthing your name. Despite the noise around you, you can hear his pained sigh and then he's gone, eyes on you until he's swallowed up by the cameras.

The Monaco anthem. Charles beaming as he looks down at you from the podium. Champagne. He's so happy you can't help but smile.

Whenever your eyes stray to Lando next to him your smile dies.

The alcohol isn't doing its job. Lando downs another drink, heart beating to the same rapid beat of the song playing, and he tries to part the crowd with his mind, thoughts jumbled but he knows what he wants to see.

You.

The dancing, drinking bodies part and his desperate eyes finally land on you. Champagne has been flowing steadily since you and Charles walked in. The it couple.

He wish he could vomit, but all he can muster is a grimace, perfectly timed with a kiss between the happy couple. Taking a drink, he leans against the wall, head and heart pounding as he wills the alcohol to do what it's supposed to and numb everything. Instead it's only enhanced every bit of the pain and torture that's been in him since the first unanswered text.

"Mate."

It's Osc. He reaches out, grabbing his teammate's shoulder. "Osc!" He's happy to see him. Osc knows. Osc understands. Good old Oscar. "Sorry for calling you a sponge cat."

"Fuck, how much have you had?" Oscar asks.

"Don't worry 'bout me." He lifts his glass to take a sip, whining when it never reaches his mouth. Watching it, it occurs to him that Oscar took it from him. "Hey…"

"C'mon."

"Can we get me another drink? Some muppet stole mine," he says, leaning against his friend as he's led away.

"Sure, mate," Oscar yells above the music.

"Yay." Slinging an arm around him, Lando barely notices where they're going. He is pretty sure the bar is in the other direction… But Oscar knows best. "You're my best mate, mate, ya know that?"

Oscar patts his back. "Yeah."

"Thanks." Yay, a best mate. "Didn't mean it when I said you was a pain in my fuckin' ass, mate. Said it with love."

Oscar sighs so loudly Lando hears it over the music. "I know."

He blinks and they're outside. The air feels weird in his lungs and he coughs, swaying a little as he tries to catch himself on the back of the building. "Jesus."

"Do you wanna go?" Oscar asks.

He doesn't know. "But she's here." He's still not numb and he realizes there's not enough drinks in the world to deaden the pain. "She's here, Osc."

"I know." There's sympathy in his voice.

"Why'd she do it?" His voice cracks and he tries to breathe, tries to stop the tears but they're already burning his eyes. He pushes the heels of his palms against his face. "She loves me."

"Lando…"

"We n-never said it but we like, couldn't yeah? But I know she does. She told me." It doesn't sound right but he can't care right now, too busy trying to keep the tears from falling. "I love us."

"Us?"

"It's how we say it. Because we can't say it."

Need it. This. Us. Love it. This. Us.

"I love her, Osc." The last word breaks on a sob and he presses his hands tightly to his eyes but there's no stopping the tears. "Wasn't supposed to. Know that. But how can I not love her? Even before we had sex I loved her."

"Oh, mate." It's sad and understanding and there's a gentle hand on his shoulder.

And it all comes pouring out. A bit mixed up but he knows Oscar's smart enough to put it in the right order. How he had a little crush but liked being your friend. The feelings grew but he never dreamed – okay, sometimes he'd dreamed, he wasn't a fucking saint – you felt the same. How he truly never expected for those dreams to become reality or how lifechanging it would be. And while he tells it he lets the tears fall because trying to stop them is pointless.

"She's everything," he gasps, bracing his hands on his knees to keep from spinning with the world around him.

"I know, I know," Oscar says gently.

"I gotta go. Can… Can't watch them be so happy." And he laughs through the tears. "I want her happy but I can't see it."

"C'mon, we'll go."

He blinks, sways, and he's in his hotel room. A bottle of water appears in his hands and he stares at it then slowly lifts his head. "Osc."

"It's alright, drink it." His voice is warbles and Lando shakes his head to make sense of what's happening.

"She's gonna marry him," he whispers.

"Not right now, yeah? Drink your water."

"Why's it hurt so much," he mumbles after sipping the water. "Love's s'posed to be the best thing."

"It can be," Oscar says. "But sometimes it hurts."

"It's why I stayed away from it for so long. Didn't wanna get hurt." He leans his head back, feels the softness of the pillow. "But…"

"But you fell."

"Yeah," he whispers. "Dived right in and was over my head 'fore I knew it was happening. And… This time it hurts. A lot."

Oscar hums and Lando reaches out, slapping his arm.

"Thanks Osc."

"Anytime, Lando."

He's silent, and just when Oscar is moving to turn off the lights he speaks again. "You think they'll get married in Monaco?"

"I honestly have no idea."

"She wants a beach wedding. There's a spot near her parents'… Like a look over place?" Still clutching the empty water bottle, he gestures with his hand. "Showed me pictures once. Pretty place."

"Yeah?" Oscar turns off the lights and returns to the chair by the bed.

"Sunset. She wants it at sunset. With her niece as flower girl. Doesn't want anything big or fancy. Just people she loves who love her."

"Sounds nice."

"And a honeymoon in Ireland. It's where her nan's from, and she loves it. County Waterford. That's why she loves that crystal thing I got her for her birthday."

"What'd you get her?"

"A vase. Cuz she loves the crystal. And flowers."

Your coworkers are over the moon. A wedding! So exciting! Ah, young love! Have you picked out a date? Color scheme? Where will it be?

No, but you're thinking next spring. Blush pink and sage green. You're looking at different places.

Yes, you're so excited. Still hasn't set in that you're engaged. Oh of course you've never been happier. You're so in love.

You hate yourself for having become an expert in lying. The venue has already been reserved. Charles flew your mom out, and your dress is being made . It's easy to just let everyone else do the planning for you, because it's not your dream wedding.

Not that you've spoken to him. You haven't seen him since the club the night after your engagement. And then, only for a split second. You've opted to stay at home, lying to Charles and saying you were doing wedding planning.

No one needs to know that you spend race weekends in front of your laptop, hugging your knees and watching every scrap of footage you can of Lando. Just to check on him. Because you still can't bring yourself to return his calls and texts. They don't come as often now, and he no longer leaves you voicemails, but you haven't been able to tap his name on your phone.

And you're too much of a fucking coward to show up at a race and see him in person.

He looks okay. A little tired, and maybe you're the only one that notices his smile doesn't reach his eyes. Maybe not. Maybe others can tell that he's a little more subdued in post-race interviews. Or maybe not.

"And are you looking forward to the break?" the interviewer asks.

He smiles. "Yeah… Hoping to spend some time alone. Get out of my head for a bit, yeah?"

"Anywhere special?"

"Nah, just away from everything. A quiet beach or something." He shrugs in that slightly self-conscious way that always makes you want to hold him.

He walks off and you drain the last of your wine, closing the laptop and dragging a hand over your face. You have to finish packing for the trip back home. Snatching out your earbuds, you reach for your phone. Open your messages.

Stare at Lando's name and open the thread. It'll be tomorrow before Charles gets home, you can spend the night crying over texts.

-Were you gonna tell me? -he's cheated on you since day one why would you marry him -does he make you happy? -if he makes you happy I'll be happy for you -tell me he makes you happy -please y/n -talk to me

Those were from six weeks ago. For four weeks it was more of the same. Until…

-I miss you -miss your smile. and your laugh. and that cute little snort that you hate but I think it's beautiful. -miss your hugs. they always make me feel like I'm safe -I just miss you -I miss you dancing in my living room and pretending not to notice when I steal cupcakes. -I even miss your fucking sushi.

Your eyes well with tears. You miss him, too. You miss his hyena laugh and how he'd forget the simplest of words when explaining something. You miss his hugs, how you always felt like nothing could affect you as long as you were in his arms. You miss the dancing, spinning and bouncing until you were breathless and dizzy. You even miss his fucking chicken nuggets.

-Will you come to Spa? -Just wanna see you again. -Guess you're not coming. -Hope you're doing ok. He told Osc you're going back home for break. I know you're excited. Cali girl. -I wish I knew I could see you over break. -Call me when you can -there's so much I never got to say -that I cant put in a text -I miss us

You stare at that last text, sent five minutes before the start of the race, and you let out a sob. And before you can stop yourself you're composing a text. You delete the words and start over several times, finally closing your messages with a frustrated groan. Your finger hovers over the call button, and you punch it, taking a deep breath before you tap Lando's name on the favorites list, where it's been since he called you his bestie.

It rings once. And you realize he's probably busy, probably in another interview or—

"Hello?" He sounds panicked. Out of breath. Like he can't believe it's you.

"Lando," you whisper.

"God – fuck, hang on—" There's rustling and you can hear others speaking in the background. "Yeah, I know, it's an emergency," he says in a rush to someone and you muffle a sob, because now you're crying you can't stop. You hear him saying something about having to take this, he's sorry. "You still there?"

"Y-yeah."

"I'm – hang on, I gotta get somewhere quiet."

You can imagine him sprinting away from the crowd, avoiding eye contact so no one tries to talk to him. Putting it on speaker, you set the phone down and hug your knees to your chest while you listen to the rustling and heavy breaths. Next to you Leo whines softly, leaning against you and you reach to absently pet him.

"Y/n."

"I'm here," you sniffle.

"Are you—"

"I'm sorry."

He's panting, and you hear his shaky breath. "Are you ok?"

No. "Y-yeah."

"Why?" he whispers. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was all so sudden, Lando." A flimsy excuse. You could have easily texted him that night.

"I had to find out from fucking Instagram. Half the world knew before I did." There's a thud, and you wonder if he's punched the wall or slammed his head against it.

"I'm sorry," you say again because it's all you can say. "I was in shock, I guess. He posted the picture before I even called my mom."

"Are you happy?" he asks after a moment, just as you're beginning to think he's not going to say anything else.

You don't answer right away. "I—"

"I love you. Never thought I could love like I love you. Thought I loved but it was just…bullshit before you. It was fucked up and you were never mine, but I needed you. I've never not needed you. I still can't fold a fucking shirt proper. Y-you were everything and I know I was stupid to think we could make it, but I never wanted anything more than us." He's rambling, breathless, and you can hear the pain and desperation in his voice.

You press your face to your knees, shoulders shaking. "Lan—"

"But it's not gonna happen is it?" he asks and his voice breaks, shattering your heart. "You're gonna marry him. And I'm… I'm gonna have to smile and be happy for you even though I'm nothing."

"You're my friend," you sob.

"Friend." It sounds like the vilest curse word. "Friend? Tell me one friend who knows how your pussy tastes."

"Lando, please." You know you deserve it, but it hurts.

"I let you into my soul," he murmurs. "I'm supposed to just be your friend again?"

You can't answer him, because you know you can't ask that of him.

"I can't, y/n." There's a tremor in his voice and the shattered pieces of your heart crack. "I can't go back. I… I can't pretend we never happened and go back to just game talk and dancing and baking. I… I only want you to be happy, but I can't do that."

"I know," you whimper.

"You were everything," he whispers. "You still are."

"I loved us," you say softly.

"I needed us. But us…was always doomed wasn't it?"

"I suppose so." Sniffling, you lift your head, shakily tapping to ignore Charles's incoming call.

"Are you happy?"

Despite everything, you can't lie to him. You can lie to Charles. Your mom. Even your grandmother, whose said time and time again she doesn't like Charles. But you'll never be able to lie to Lando. "No."

There's silence, then he lets out a pained sound. "Don't marry him, y/n."

Charles doesn't notice your mood when he gets home. He's riding high off another win, talking excitedly about planned improvements for next year and how he's actually got the chance to be champion this year. He's so goddamned happy you can't help but smile a little, knowing all too well how downtrodden he's been over his career in the past. There's relaxation to be had now, though, and his first day of break is spent on his yacht, sunning and swimming and he's still so happy.

The next day you fly home, and despite the jet lag you're bouncing because it's so good to be back home. Charles has been here twice now but still you point out landmarks from your childhood and you can tell he's faking his enthusiasm. He loves America, he's always said because it created you, but you know he doesn't like it. He can take it in small doses. You push away the worry that by the end of your trip he'll be tense and irritable.

There are days at the beach, three nights up in the mountains, the weekend in Vegas. With each day that passes you tell yourself you can do this. You still hurt. You still miss Lando, who hasn't texted or called since the night of Spa. But it gets a little easier, and as you sit in your hotel room watching the sunrise over the Strip you realize you almost feel happy.

Charles's phone dings and you step away from the window to switch it to silent. He groans in his sleep and you smile, watching him push his face deeper into the pillow. Glancing at the phone screen, you shrug.

You don't recognize the name. You can't remember ever meeting a Cassidy or Charles mentioning her. Pushing away the doubt, you switch the phone to silent, about to set it on the nightstand when it buzzes with another message from her.

It might be someone from Ferrari. You chew on your lip, finally unlocking the phone and opening the message thread.

-miss u 💞

You barely see the text, your eyes instead on the nude photo that was sent just before. You don't know her. Scrolling up, you exhale harshly as your eyes scan the back-and-forth messages, ranging from a simple miss u to it's not fair chérie, I wish we could run away together. Interspersed are photos of her and him, and you grip the phone tighter, remembering his insistence that neither of you send nudes.

Yet he's apparently had no problem sending Cassidy pictures of his dick. Or receiving pictures of her. There are even videos and you can't stop yourself from dropping onto the couch, scrolling further up, needing to know how long it had been going on.

-marrying her won't change a thing, chérie

By the time he wakes you've gotten to the start of their messages. All the way back in November. It had been mostly innocent at first, but you'd been revolted to see photos of him in your mom's house, in your old bedroom, at Christmas, when he hadn't so much as wanted to kiss you with tongue because it was rude.

"Bonjour, chérie," he greets you as he stretches.

You say nothing, twisting the heavy, gaudy ring around your finger. His phone lies in your lap and you know he's looking for it when he looks to the nightstand.

"We go to the Big Bear today, yes?"

You stay silent, swallowing hard. You know you have no right to be angry – after all, hadn't you done the same with Lando? But you are. Because you and Lando had evolved from friends to lovers, and it hadn't lasted eight months. And you'd cut everything off with him the moment the ring had been placed on your finger.

"Chérie?" He looks confused. "What is wrong?"

"Oh, you were talking to me?" you ask.

He blinks, rubbing his face. "Yes? Who else would I be talking to? We're alone."

"Right." You draw in a deep breath and pick up his phone, tossing it towards him. "I thought maybe you were talking to Cassidy."

Despite his quick reflexes he fumbles, the phone landing on the floor with a thud. You can see the blood drain from his face. "Chérie—"

"Don't call me that," you gasp. "Not when you called her that. Last night, remember?"

"She doesn't mean anything to me," he says, snatching his phone off the floor. "It is just a fling."

"A fling doesn't last eight months, Charles." You stand up, tucking your robe tightly around yourself. "A fling isn't a chérie."

"Ché – y/n—"

"You sent her a video of you masturbating from my grandma's bathroom!" you screech, jerking away when he reaches for you. "What next? Gonna invite her to the wedding? I'm sure the priest won't mind you bending her – what was it? – perfect ass over and fucking her until she can't remember her own name. God, you're disgusting."

"I have a problem," he says, and you can hear the edge in his voice. It's just like the last time, when he—

"How many girls are you fucking?" you gasp.

"I'm not…" He hangs his head, muttering under his breath. "They don't mean anything."

"That doesn't make it better," you groan. Snatching clothes from the open suitcase on the floor, you hurriedly put them on. "You said last time that it was a mistake. That it would never happen again."

Charles raises his head. "I lied."

You blink at him. "Oh my god."

"No, chérie, don't leave."

"I believed you. I fell for ever fucking lie." You shake your head in disbelief, grabbing up your phone and purse.

"Please, please, let me explain." He takes a step towards you, stopping when you shoot him a glare.

"No." You squeeze your eyes shut.

Don't marry him, y/n.

"I can't believe I trusted you. I gave up everything for you. Because I thought you were true. I thought that the last time was the only time. I thought… I thought you loved me," you whisper, twisting the ring again.

"I do. More than anything."

"But you can't. You can't love me more than anything and tell Cassidy that marrying me won't change anything. You can't stand here and say you love me while some woman I don't know has pictures of your dick."

"Please, I can… I can change—"

You let out a harsh laugh. "Do you know what I gave up for you? I left a job I loved to work in fucking Monaco because you needed me with you. I had to let friendships I've had since high school fade because I'm so far away I can't keep in touch all the time. I—" You choke on a sob.

I've never not needed you.

"I gave up someone that truly loved me, that made me happier than I deserved. Because I wanted us to make it," you whisper. You see the confusion on his face.

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter. H-he won't have anything to do with me now, because I chose you." Tears blur your vision and you wrench the ring from your finger. You want to throw it in his face, tell him it was Lando, let out your anger by telling him what you'd done. But you can't do that to Lando. With care you set the ring on the dresser.

"Chérie… Please, not like this," he says.

It hits you that he's probably not upset over you leaving. He's upset because he always does the leaving. "I'll go to the apartment and get my stuff while you're at Zandvoort," you say. "I'll leave my keys."

"Where will you go?"

"Don't pretend to care now."

"I wanted us to make it too," he says softly. And you almost believe him.

"Apparently not enough," you murmur.

His phone vibrates again and he huffs. "Yeah hang on, getting texts," he says, pushing his headset back and reaching for the phone.

Even though he deleted the contact he recognizes the number. Opening the message, he glances at the screen, watching Max cycle through the available cars. Swallowing his worry, he looks at the phone.

-I'm leaving Monaco. -I ended the engagement and broke up with him. -I just wanted to let you know. I don't expect anything. -I still miss us. -Good luck, Lando. Take care.

He reads them over again, ignoring Max and the game. His chest aches and he lets out his breath in a rush. About to reply, he pauses, seeing a text from Oscar.

­-Still coming to Melbourne for a few days?

He smiles, quickly tapping out a reply.

-Flight leaves tonight 2am my time. Can't wait.

Going back, he stares at the number. Then, pushing down the familiar ache, he swipes to delete it, watching it disappear. There's a sense of finality to it and he tosses his phone down and rubs his hands over his face. He pulls his headset back into place.

"You good?" Max asks.

"Yeah, just junk." He stretches his arms above his head then drums his hands on the desk. "Right, let's fucking do this."

[acowardinmordor]

Max is interesting here in the ASAAu (very funny to say as a word btw), and I'm gonna go ahead and scoop some of myself into her, and not just because we're both red heads.

The easiest way to get through/out of a depressive cycle, is if you have something to anchor you, something that grounds you, and especially someone.

Max is super messed up about Billy. She's made worse by El leaving for Cali, and moving with her mom to the trailer. So yes, she did spend the fall of 85 teetering back and forth within the bounds of depression and guilt. She does better with a goal though. It externalizes her thoughts enough not to drown in them.

And. She talks to Lucas. Not that Lucas would betray Steve and Eddie with the knowledge of the letters when he finds out about them, but Lucas knows that Steve isn't okay in his repeated year, and Very Much knows when Steve is spiraling. Max listens, and even when she's not talking to the others much, she makes sure to be near Steve when she can. Not that it helps entirely, but she's around, and she notices more proof of the things Lucas mentioned.

She's a freshman, its not as if she can protect Steve from the social stigma, but she's hoping that making it obvious she wants to be around him might mitigate some of his sadness. She makes an effort to be happy and normal, because that pushes him to be the same. She teams up with Robin to demand slumber parties with him where they watch teen romances and eat pizza be as normal as they can be.

All of that means that come winter, when Vecna starts to reach out threads, looking for who he can target, he considers Max, then moves on. She has potential to be broken by the pain she's carrying, but why should he bother, when she's standing next to such a richer target.