#trying to escape from the suffering that i'm pretty sure awaits me in the next episodes of bsd

[yosanolings]

Today's yosanolings, day 19

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Four)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Three ※※※※※ Chapter Five

I absorbed and enjoyed the silence that was hovering around my house. I grabbed a glass of juice and sat down on the couch on the balcony. My mom left early for work, and Leah even tried to take me along for a photo shoot she was going to do in Venice. But, honestly, I'm not in the mood for dragging plaster casts around under the sun.

Not to mention that it is good to have moments alone to get my head straight. I know that in a little while it will be even harder to escape from these outings, I mean, I know I have to get back to my routine, but as long as I can avoid it, I will.

I put the juice on the table and pick up my diary. Unlike yesterday, I open it to the first page, like a book, and start reading. I go through a few pages about my feelings, about what I planned about my future, about my parents' divorce.

"I know it was inevitable. Anyone could tell how distant they were, I just didn't want it to be like that, that she suffered the same way I did. And I didn't want to feel that anger from him. But deep down, I know it's for the best.".

A few more pages telling about the scout who had seen me at the mall, the first photo shoot, the first runway show for a small clothing brand. Then arriving at the day I met Ashton.

"That one nobody expected/imagined/sought for. Ashton Irwin is my yoga partner!!! Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh my gosh, I never would have imagined that. I was dying of nervousness about being the new student, then he comes and offers to be my duo and oh gosh, he's amazing. Super fun and nice. AND HE CALLED ME UP FOR COFFEE ON SUNDAY.

" Ashton and I sat at a table on the sidewalk. Under the table, I snapped my fingers in nervousness as I read the menu.

- Do you already know what you are going to order? - he asks. I pout and nod my head in denial.

- All I know is that I don't want espresso. - I comment.

- Can I recommend one? I think you'll like it, it's whipped with cream and chocolate, very sweet. - He points to the menu after I accept his suggestion.

- It amazes me how good you are at coffee. - I joke, making him laugh.

- I like coffee. I once took a tour of a coffee farm in the countryside right here in California.

Coffee becomes our first topic. Because he knows and understands coffee, Ashton convinces me to do a tasting at a promising coffee shop in Brentwood the next morning. It was not the kind of program I am used to doing, but everything is different now, my life has changed and so have my types of programs.

- You are lost being my friend, I will call you all morning for breakfast together. - Ashton comments as we drive along the sidewalks of Los Angeles.

My body shakes when it hears the word "friend". I still wasn't sure if I could consider Ash a friend, but now, I'm happy to know that I can and that he considers me too. "

The memory warms and cheers me up, giving me more desire to read and remember.

I don't realize how much I was smiling until my cheeks start to hurt. After that day, his name becomes very frequent, until it joins Leah's.

"I don't know how to explain this girl. She came in so confident and nose to nose, I was sure she would be insufferable, then she opened her mouth and all I could think was 'where has she been all my life? ' And I don't want to get my hopes up or be a pain in the ass, but she's also a model and she talked about me going to her father's agency and if that works out? it's one of the biggest agencies in the world, I'm going to take off. God, if this is your will...".

I laugh at the following narrations that already involve Ashton, Noah and Leah. I can't remember what is written, but my imagination gives me a warm, happy feeling in my body. And if the reality has been as fun and nice as what I imagined, then it was very good.

I feel my body shiver and a chill take over my stomach when I see Luke's name for the first time. I cut the pace of my reading, preparing myself for what was to come. I reach for another glass of juice, buying time and even courage to read the rest.

"I had already noticed him looking at me, I just didn't want to believe he was looking at me, and it was perfect like that, until Ashton brought him in. It's one thing to know who Luke is, it's another to talk to him. In the end it wasn't so bad. I guess. I just stared for the first hour at anything but him, but I guess he must have missed it. Now I'm in the dilemma of if he liked me, I mean, we spent four hours talking and nothing, no kiss, no phone exchange. NOTHING."

I laugh at myself. I can perfectly see myself being embarrassed by him and not being able to look him in the eye.. If I could go back in time, I would tell this Marnie that Luke really liked her, even though I only had a basis in videos and pictures.

I pick up my cell phone and open insta, going to the date that marked my diary. 07/06/18. It was Ashton's birthday party. I flip to the side and see a picture taken in Hawaii, with the caption "The one where we got lost". I turn the page and find that trip.

"I know I am committing one of the biggest follies of my life and deep down, I don't even know why. That's a lie, I do, but that's not the point. In fact, it is, but that's not what I'm going to talk about. Again, it is. The point is: I can't believe that at the last minute I agreed to go on a trip to Hawaii with a bunch of people I barely know. Except Ash, Noah and Leah. And P.S. Monday is his birthday. It only gets better.”

Apparently things between Luke and me went pretty quickly. I read a few more pages seeing that on his birthday, we had our first kiss and from then on everything happened too fast and messy.

I write about many fights and reconciliations. Both he and I, didn't want anything serious, but both he and I, couldn't stay away from each other and there was my reason.

"There is a good big part of all this blocking that I believe is because of what happened and because of me trying to pretend it didn't happen. Dr. Prescott says that if I don't put it out there and don't talk about it, it will consume me. 'Talking about our fears, worries and problems makes them smaller and easier to defeat.'

Besides my parents, no one else knows about that day."

I run my eyes quickly down the page, seeing that that one was about Stephen's cheating.

I close the journal in fear. I don't know what is coming, and I don't know if I have the courage to read it. It is one thing to hear about it from others, from their view and opinion, even if it is not on purpose. It's another to hear about it from my view, from what I've been through.

I have no doubt that there are things in these next pages that maybe even my parents don't know. Things and feelings that I have kept solely and exclusively to myself and I don't know if I am ready to face this, again.

I put down the diary and go in search of something else. Luckily for me, my guardian angel, aka Leah, calls me.

“Are you busy? I thought we could have lunch together. What do you think?” she bombards me, not letting me say hello.

“Hi to you too. No, I'm not busy, just reading my diary.” I run my hand over the cover, keeping in the back of my mind what awaits me. “ I'll take lunch.”

Before Leah can answer, I hear a muffled argument on the phone and wait for the fight to end.

“Sorry, but Noah is asking if he can come along.” she asks, without patience.

“Of course he can.” I hold my laughter, imagining the two of them fighting on the other end of the line.

“Okay, in a few minutes we'll be there. Kisses.”

I say goodbye to her and decide not to read the diary again. The doctor himself told me not to force myself into anything. I set the table and wait for the two of them to arrive.

After forty minutes, the doorbell rings. I make way for my friend and analyze the tall, muscular man behind her. Unlike my memory, the Noah of today has his hair well shaved and brunette, like his sister's. His green eyes fill with tears when he sees me crack a smile, and like his twin, he doesn't wait for permission and hugs me.

“Don't ever do that again, young lady. What a shitty world this would be without you!” he squeezes me before showering me with kisses, all over my face.

Leah turns and pulls him away from me, making me laugh. I follow them both into the kitchen and look at the bags they brought, excited.

“We made sure to stop by The Palm and pick up your favorite dish.” I didn't even know that I had a favorite dish at The Palm. But when Leah opens a box and I feel my mouth water when I see that noodle with shrimp, I realize how little I know myself.

“Have I ever told you that I love you?” I ask softly, with a smile.

We start lunch and today my attention was on Noah, after all he was the new thing. I listen to him tell about the day we met, when he began to advise my career with his sister, and how things have been going since the accident.

“You don't have to give any interviews if you don't want to.” he assures me once again.

I still don't know how to deal with this "public figure" business, but deep down I feel a need to give a "satisfaction" to everyone who knows me. Noah has already sent some notes about my condition, but I know that I will have to appear on some channel in the future.

We changed the subject and started talking about my amnesia. Noah was not very happy that my first memory was his hair fiasco. I commented that I was reading my diary and asked about some events.

“Are we really lost in Hawaii?” they both started to laugh and agree.

“That day I wanted to hit Mark. I was getting very angry that he could not accept that he was reading the wrong map. Not to mention the car dying and us pushing," Noah comments.

“Mark was never good with maps. He says himself that he was a lousy Boy Scout.” Leah says before drying her third glass of water.

“Who is Mark?” I question.

“Mark is an ex-lover of mine. At the time we were chatting and he had the house in Hawaii. One thing led to another and in the end he went along.” Leah ends with a frown.

“And why did we let him drive then?” I ask, full of curiosity. They look at me as if I know the answer. Or, as if I should, but I just raise my eyebrows, saying nothing.

“Because it's Mark.” Noah shrugs. “He likes to be in control of everything.”

“The one who was definitely happy with us there was that guy who owns the coconut stand.” Leah says.

So there it is, the little wooden stand, with a pile of coconuts in front of it. A short man, probably about 50 years old, laughing at our misfortune while selling the fruit to us. Images begin to form in my mind.

" “- Look there.” Kyleen and I focus on the little man laughing as he takes the money from Michael's hand. “He sure is very happy with us standing here.” Leah says.

“Of course he is. We already bought twelve coconuts from him. Bad little man.” I make a face.

“We're not lost. It's just a shortcut.” we cut off eye contact with the stand and focus on Mark arguing with Noah and Ashton.

Leah looked at her lover in total disbelief at what she had gotten herself into. If regret could kill. The next moment Mark stomps his foot on the floor, like a child with a temper tantrum. At that moment, Calum looks at me with wide eyes.

I look away so that he doesn't see me laughing. Kiki, who was behind me, slaps me to stop, but this only makes me want to laugh more. I hide my face in her arm and in the end, my laughter gets out of hand. Both she and Calum start laughing with me, causing the boys to look at us curiously.

It takes no more than five minutes for Mike to join in the laughter with us and soon everyone else was laughing except Mark. Even the little bad man was laughing. It was the worst thing about us being lost, but that's what was happening and it couldn't be anything but comical, even though it was sad too. ”

“Of course he was happy. He sold about fifteen coconuts for us.” I don't even try to control my smile. Once again I remembered, and this is more than great.

The twin couple in front of me crack a big smile too, and soon they are clapping their hands and stamping their feet on the floor, making noise. I clap my hands with them in celebration.

“She is coming back.” Noah comes around the table, hugging me from behind and again showering me with kisses.

I was never one to have many friends. Usually it was just Bethany and Stephen, and a girl in my music class, but I don't know if I can consider her that, after all, we only talked during class and it was all very unrelated.

The point is that I have always envied those people who managed to have a large number of friends, and friends really, not just colleagues. Friends who call you for everything, who are always by your side, who enjoy your company, and who consider you family.

In this moment, with just Noah and Leah, I can see that I finally have these friends that I have wanted so much and without having to pretend to be something that I am not, without having to buy their attention, as I felt I needed it with Bethany. And if I'm happy like this with just the two of them, I can't wait to see the others.

“So, you said you were reading your diary, did you remember anything else?” Leah asks excitedly.

All the happiness and euphoria that had surrounded my body disappears. The bloody page with the bloody day comes back into my mind. They both notice my mood drop.

“I remembered a day when I went to have coffee with Ash, but…” I play with the edge of my cup, trying not to get too much into that energy. “I found a day where I tell about what happened.” I look at them, who are serious and attentive.

“Do you want us to read it with you?” Leah holds my hand across the table, gently patting it.

I shake my head positively and point to the notebook on the coffee table in the living room. I watch her return with the notebook and hand it to me. I open it to the marked page and stare at my handwriting again.

"I haven't had the courage to tell either Ashton, Leah, or much less Luke. I can't tell if I'm ashamed of it or just afraid of it happening again. The problem is that it's really starting to get to me, to the point where I get irritated when I see Luke and Leah talking and it shouldn't be like that. So I need to get it all out so that I can start over.

It was our anniversary. I snuck out of my work to see Stephen at his house. I wanted to deliver his gift soon. Two streets before his house I ran into Noelle, his mother, and told her I wanted to surprise him, so she told me to get the key under the third vase and go in.

Maybe it would have been better just to ring the doorbell and not have to see it. I was very quiet so as not to be discovered, and in the end, I was the one who discovered something."

My racing heart hurts from beating so hard. I can't keep my breathing normal, holding it at various times. I feel like it's a suspense book where no one wants to find out what's behind the door of the abandoned house, but needs to, in order to continue the story.

I notice in some letters and words the ink smudged and I know it was from my tears and it only hurts me more.

"There is no word to describe the disgust, pain, and anger of seeing him and her in bed naked. My until then boyfriend, and my until then best friend.

And what only made it worse was that she didn't even try to explain herself, didn't show an ounce of regret, even if it was a pretense. Nothing. While he tried to say it was nothing like that, Bethany still says it had been going on for a long time."

I close the journal angrily and throw it away, stopping on the other side of the long table. The lump in my throat gets bigger, but I don't want to cry, not for this and not again.

Deep down, I have always had a flea behind my ear with the two of them. The countless rides Stephen insisted on giving her. The way she always motivated me to fight with him, for reasons I thought were small and insignificant. But it was my first serious relationship, what did I know about dating, right? Bethany, on the other hand, had dated seriously twice.

It had always been there, I just didn't want to see it.

“I always suspected it and never, never wanted to believe it. After all, he was my boyfriend and she was my best friend. They wouldn't be able to.” I let out a humorless laugh.

The twins look at me fearfully, as if I were a mother scolding them.

“But you know what the worst part is? I believed him. He looked me in the face and said that nothing happened. That Luke was to blame for our breakup! How stupid of me!” I shout, picking up the diary and throwing it further away, as if it would hurt Stephen.

“Wait, what?” Leah speaks loudly.

I look at her startled and realize what I said. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I didn't want anyone to know about the meeting.

“You met with Stephen? When?” she turns the table around, coming closer. I swallow dryly.

“Yesterday morning," I begin softly, but it was enough for Leah to cover her eyes with her hands and snort. Noah laid his head on his arms, sighing as well. “I was confused and needed to hear and see him.” I start to defend myself.

“After everything your mother told you about him?” Leah asks.

“And you think I would believe her? Would you? With amnesia on account?” I retort. Leah takes a deep breath and denies it with her head, giving me reason.

“But you could have told, or asked, I don't know.” Noah ponders.

“Nobody would have let me, I know nobody likes him and rightly so.” I give in.

“That explains a lot.” Leah comments softly, but loud enough for me to hear.

“Explains what?” I ask confused.

She looks at Noah, who nods, giving her the green light. Like me, she swallows dryly before she begins.

“Explain why Luke is so grouchy and weird. Not wanting to come see you.” he answers, poking at the seam of the chair.

NO! No! No! No! No! Please, no. He can't have seen.

“You have to take me to his house.” I ask, heading for the hall.

“What?” the two shout following me.

“I need to talk to him. Now!” I shout the last part, putting on a jacket with some difficulty.

“But why?” Noah helps me.

“Because I think he saw something that wasn't supposed to happen and got it wrong.” I open the door, going to call the elevator.

“Oh, no!” they understand and soon follow me.

Things between Luke and me may be messed up, but the last thing I want him to think is that I cheated on him.

[guigz1-coldwar]

"Keeping her close" : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Keeping her close"

Chapter Summary : Yirina arrived in the new safehouse in West-Berlin that her & Park will share with the new team......

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3500

Warning : NSFW content !

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It was the last time I have stepped inside that safehouse in my entire life and honestly, it was all for the better. That place, a lot of things happened and there were for an large part bad and a small part was only good. The bad ones....were the most shocking to remember and the most suffering to relive : still seeing me tied up on that stretcher in that room, getting revealed that I was just in fact a Perseus agent brainwashed by the CIA and all of that, been told by my closest person I have met but now, it was something done in my live. Destroying that place down can help me forget about this but it can't be undone at all.

After I got myself in an argument with Sims, over the loss of Adler in Stitch hands, I was much more relieved to finally leave this place behind, not even looking back as we drove away of it, Park having taken the wheel to get to our new safehouse in West-Berlin. I was still nonetheless nervous to stay again in the city but we had no choice : Stone has a warehouse in town and it was our first objective within the team Park is organizing with me.....hope that everything will be okay.

The drive was in fact not so long to live more about 10 minutes depending on traffic as we were arrived at our destination : a nice-looking house in the Gatow district at the south-western Berlin just next to the Havelsee lake. This place.....even if I was nearly hating the city, it could help me to feel more better in here. Park revealed to me that she indeed came here a lot, explaining almost the layout of the house as we stepped out of the car....said that I'm going to be well in here.

"Our new home ?" I told Park in a fake curious tone as I was unloading my bag from the car trunk and her, having already done it, awaiting for me.

"You got it right." She replied, having her bags in hands with me closing the trunk, finished. "Will be the place where we will coordinate our operations against Stone."

"And if we got something on Stone and his little accomplices not in Berlin ?" I asked her.

"Then, we will move to a temporary other safehouse but that place is staying like our main HQ." She added in her response before gesturing at me as she started to walk to the house porch "Come on, let's install ourselves." She winked, making me blush as I joined her pretty quickly on the porch. There were nobody to greet us here and instead, Park had to check under the carpet....to find the house keys.....very classic...

"The good old trick of the keys under the carpet...." I thought to myself as Park was inserting the leys in the lock before finally opening the door to discover the house's interior. "Wow !" I breathed, almost astonished by the beauty of the place.....more pretty than the house in the New Orleans...It was very much different than this place the CIA wanted to call 'a safehouse'

"Welcome home.....Yiri !" Park taunted me as she walk to get to the living room and the kitchen jointed that was just next to the entrance. "Here's our 'operations room'." She showed me the living room, with again an complete dashboard, this time filled with intels on Stone.

"I already feeling at home." I said to her who gave me an smile.

"That's the goal of that safehouse, you know..." She rolled her eyes before she put her own bag on a special table as I do the same as her.

"MI6 safehouses..." I whispered to myself, wondering if all the MI6 places were looking so damn nice as I walked to get to one of the couch of the room. "So...." I started, getting myself comfy in that couch "Can you talk about your friends that will join the team ?"

"Of course." She nodded, moving to a table to have her hands on two files that Park asked from those tasked to prepare the safehouse. "Let's start with Garett." She handed me the first file of her left hand that I took in hand.

"Garrett Donovan....born in Manchester in 1951 and joined the MI6 in 1975...specialized in counter-espionage & almost everything in combat." I read his file, impressed by his qualities and skills as Park was looking at me, maybe wondering what I was thinking. "Seems like a nice guy."

"Garrett has been my friend since we both joined the MI6 at the same time two years after my brother's death in 1973." She explained more, feeling a little bit sad to talk about that sad event. I remember seeing that back in the old days in the old 'safehouse' but it's a too much sensible subject to talk about with her. "Gotta to say that he's someone very important."

"I'm pretty sure of that." I exclaimed, putting the file.

"You know, he's the guy who if you ask him something, he will make sure you will have it the next day." She proclaimed as she knows him very well. "He's got a lot of contacts that will help us."

"I guess that asking him to bring us Perseus's head and saving Adler's ass is too much to ask." I laughed about it and she followed too.

"Of course." She breathed before she handed me the other file as I gave her back the file about Garrett. "Here's the file about Greta." After that, she decided to sit on the other couch of the room.

"Greta Keller...born in Hamburg in 1952 and she joined the BND in 1977...qualified as the best element in BND...also specialized in counter-espionage and more into hand-to-hand combat." I looked at her file, curious about that woman I saw once in my life in East-Berlin. "Quite a profile." I looked at Park who was looking a little troubled.

"About Greta, we know each other since she joined the BND." She started, joining her hands together, trying to reassure herself, it seems. "She was always working with us in our team I was with Garrett, Stone and the other one called Megan." She looked at the dashboard, at the same picture she had in her office, the one where everyone is present. "Listen, it might be going to be complicated between you & Greta when....when she will learn about us."

"Really ?" I redressed myself in the couch, curious to hear that part of the story.

"Let's just say that before I was assigned to Adler, we were hooking up, not longer together anymore but it was an mean to forget the world we were now." She said, almost blushing embarrassed about it and to say, she was right to do that and I wasn't embarrassed, just curious. "When I told her of my feelings towards us at her, it was after that East-Berlin mission just before I heal you up." My eyes went wide after hearing this, still curious but damn stuned by that.

"Wow, quite a story." I exclaimed, taking a breath. "Listen, I'm okay that she is joining the team, I'm sure that it will be okay." I added, sure of myself about her & Greta. "When will the two arrive ?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm going to call them now." She got up from her couch, walking back to her bag to grab a satellite phone. "I will call outside, you can check up things on the dashboard." She smiled at me before leaving the room to get outside by behind.

Once she was out of the house for making her calls, I stayed at least 2 minutes in the couch to admire the beauty of the living room before I decided to walk next to the dashboard, to look at the pieces of intels we have on our operation against Stone and his goons. We will be entirely focused on him but if we found something related to Adler, Park will relate those to Woods's team....can't really believe right now that I'm trying to save the Russell Adler, the one that brainwashed me and left me for dead....what a life !....

I took a look on the dashboard, my eyes focusing on Harry Stone's records file from the SAS : he was born in May 6th 1948 in the UK, his birthplace apparently a classified information. According to the records files, Stone was described as a solid soldier, prone to play by his own rules by his former ex-colleagues. Someone named Price Sr. talked about a man that is very effective despite having troubles with the authority and the mysterious part of Stone past. Stone was one of Park's close friends starting to 1975 when she joined the MI6 until he faked his death in October 1980 during an risky operation in the USSR.

As I saw in this dashboard, Stone participated in the Nimrod operation, making him an hero in the SAS and his status wasn't even touched even when his true allegiance was discovered by Park and the MI6 in 1983 during the mysterious 'Goldeneye' operation. Guess that we will have to watch out about that. At looking at his picture, my eyes squeezed, making me a very small pain in my head, remembering him in my dreams...that moment when he stormed the room after that obscure mission that I don't even remember.

After that, I looked at the group picture with all of Park's friends : to say that we're hunting down one of her former friends. I was focused on it when Park came back in the living room, having finished in her calls.

"Both has been warned of the mission : they will both arrive tomorrow." She started, putting her phone back on the table she put her bag. "Garrett was in a mission in Canada while Greta was working in Moscow."

"So, for now, we just wait for them as the house is ours until they arrived..." I put my hands on my waist, looking at her with an smile before I looked at the picture. "Who was Megan ? You talked briefly about her." I asked.

"Megan was Stone's lover in the MI6 that was with him all this time." She replied, leaning against one of the room's wall. "She was the other one who faked her death too." She added, biting her lips.

"What happened to her ?"

"I....well....I killed her during the operation that has stopped 'Goldeneye' to happen." She wasn't looking relieved of that even if that Megan was also Perseus like Stone "She allowed Stone to escape and since, Stone is very mad against me because of her death."

"I think it was his idea to kidnap you at the beginning of the month." I turned back to see her, still thinking about seeing her tied up again. "Do you think we can succeed against him ?"

"We had to, Yirina." She exclaimed at me, sure of herself. "Stone is a man we need to brought down and you know that well." She added, almost raising her voice against me, surprising me. "Shit, didn't mean to raise my voice." She apologized.

"It's okay." I whispered before I looked at her with an smile "Hey, let's get ourselves installed well, shall we ?" I proposed and she nodded.

"Yeah, we have the house for us for the moment, so we're going to profit." She affirmed as we started to get our things done.

We started to unpack our belongings around the operations room, adding the intels we took in her office back at Century House on a side of the dashboard and once we were done, Park finally make me visit the house itself as we were more focused to talk about the mission than to directly visit the place. The house had a big view on the lake and it was so relaxing like in the New Orleans. For inside the house, it was like in the New Orleans except for one thing : there were a bedroom for me & Park and not even separate....we took it at the second we saw it.

Once the visit was done, we started to work on the intels that was given to us by the team charged to prepare the safehouse and those we got from Park's office, trying to find something we maybe missed in all the paperworks. Of course, we searched for things that could help us on the warehouse Stone had in West-Berlin but nothing in all of this gave us something. Actually, we know where that's warehouse is thanks to the message I have decoded from the MI5 but we wanted to know more about it.

Then, it was time for us to eat while working : Park was the one to make food and to be honest in my opinions, she was really good at it. The dishes she made.....it was so lovely and tasting more better than an Burger Town burger even if those burgers are good, Park's food was way more nice to eat. After we finished to eat with me complimenting her talents, we continued to work, making some suppositions and theories about Stone and nothing was leading us anywhere. At 11 AM, Park decided that it was done for her, getting herself to our room as I stayed in the living room.

"You're coming ?" She asked me loudly...in a lovely voice as she was upstairs in our room, awaiting for me.

"Yes, just finished my part of work." I replied, also loudly, my eyes on the dashboard.

"Be quick, I need you." She added before the silence came back, with her, waiting and me, having finished to work.

"We're going to get you, Stone." I whispered to myself, looking at his picture before I finally decided to walk out of the room, closing all the light on the way to get upstairs and joined Park in our bedroom. "I'm here for....." I started to say, opening the closed door of our room until I stopped myself, amazed by what I was saying.

"Surprise, surprise, Yiri !" Park teased me in the bed in a lovely position, she was just wearing her jacket with nothing below it and no scarf, not even an bra to cover her breasts, the jacket was doing it. She was still wearing her jeans and she was no longer wearing her shoes.

"Wow, that's...." I was literally jaw-dropped by her, freezing myself in place at her sight.

"Ssshhh, come here." She gestured me with her left index finger to get on the bed and I was obliged to comply, starting to move while I removed my own jacket and shirt along the way before I start to crawl on the bed, getting myself on top of her. "Now, make love with me all night !" She moved her hands to remove my bra before she pulled me with an kiss, getting my hands below her jacket to touch her breasts.

"As you wish, miss Park." I said in a teasing tone before she moved to get on top of me, finding my back against the bed as she started to kiss me on my neck "Mmmh....Park." I breathed, taken away by the pleasure

"Yiri....You have been very cheeky." She looked at me with her eyes that could say 'I just love you so much' "I just want you..." She continued in her kisses, going slowly down on my upper body. "I want to make you love everyday..." She exclaimed, kissing my chest before she moved her hands to remove my own pants.

"Please, do it...let's fuck..." I whispered to her, giving me an big smile as she start to remove my underwear with me slowly breathing, ready to do our things.

"We got all night to do that." She told me in a flirting voice before she start to lick me.

It was the beginning of a long night for us, we were having just an moment only the two of us and that we really wanted to do now. Been with her is one of the best things that happened in my life and having those types of night with her is on the same level. She was certainly the best in that and I was loving every part of it and she was loving it too. I never thought that I will have a moment like this after what happened to me and I was so happy to have it finally.

"Bell, we need to talk !" It was the voice of Russell Adler himself, adressing directly to me, sounding like an echo in the safehouse as I was working on very late at night almost at 2 AM. I was working on some files that we grabbed during our attack in the Lubyanka and by hearing him, I wasn't so relieved at all, closing my eyes for an second and stopping myself on work.

"What do you want ?" I asked him in a very neutral voice, sounding like annoyed by him. I had just like an big bad day behind me and I'm sure that I didn't want to have a talk with him at the moment, not after what he done.

"Come with me outside, it's just an friendly talk." He admitted to me and I wasn't moving from my chair even with his words but then, I took a breath and I got up from my chair, taking my jacket along the way.

I wasn't so happy to follow him outside the safehouse in the middle of the night as everyone else is asleep inside. We took the side exit of the safehouse, letting the big door closed. He handed me his pack of cigarettes but I refused it and somehow, it was looking surprised like If it was the first time I didn't want to smoke at all.

"So, what do you want ?" I asked him, crossing my arms above my chest. "Want to apologize about your behavior ?" I added.

"Me....apologizing ? Apologized for what ?" He asked me back, sounding confused even if he knows about what I'm mean.

"I don't know, maybe breaking inside my room at this hotel in Moscow..." I replied to him.

"That ?" He raised an eyebrow, smirking at me "You were late for the mission, I had to...."

"Okay..." I decrossed my arms, pointing at him, looking serious as hell "Cut the crap, Adler, why I'm here to talk to you ?" He bit his lips, hearing me getting serious all the sudden.

"You...Park, it's not possible in here." He blowed some smoke out of his mouth, almost at my face. "I'm asking you to break up with her, I'm not tolerating this kind of behavior and this kind of relationship in here !" He said to me, clearly and to hearing that, I raised an eyebrow like him.

"Who are you to tell me what to do about my personal life ?" I questioned him but he wasn't willing to respond to it.

"It's an order, Bell !" He admitted to me, pointing me with his cigarette in hand. "That....it's jeopardizing our...."

"What ?" I exclaimed, cutting him straight again. "Just because I'm with Park means that we're risking all of the operation to stop Perseus....or it's because of your oversized ego." I added, giving him an deadly glare "Yeah, must be your stupid ego !"

"Don't get me started, kid !" He affirmed, starting to clench his right fist.

"Or what ?" I asked him, spreading my arms. "I'm doing what I want with Park and you're not the one to lead my life."

"Actually, yes !" He said, making him look at him with an very curious look and angry one. "It's because of me you're here, kid. You will have been nothing without me."

"Oh yeah, you're my MI6 superior ?" I narrowed my eyes "Nope, you're CIA...and by the way, I owe you nothing at all." I pointed at him, angrily. "You have already troubles to deal with your sex life so don't start to....." I was going to continue until the man himself decide to punch right into the face, making me fall back behind on my left knee. I was so much angry but I didn't want to fight as I knew I was going to kill him as I was armed. I put my right hand below my nose and withdraw it, seeing blood on it.

"Shit, kid, I'm...."

"Don't fucking touch me !" I almost yelled, getting him away from me as he tried to get next to me. "You stupid moron." I slowly got up from that punch, holding my nose with my left hand.

"I didn't want to hit you." He tried to apologize but I wasnt' going to accept them, he just hit me like that.

"I'll tell you this, Adler." I started, still holding my nose to contain the blood. "Yes, I'm lesbian....yes, I'm loving Park and I will never break up with her, understood ?" I added, sounding angry as he was looking at me with wide eyes behind his sunglasses. "So, leave me alone and for real.....go fuck yourself !" I then started to walk back into the safehouse, opening the door that he closed. "Go fuck yourself, Russell Adler !" I closed the door behind me, containing the blood and my rage as I was going to the medical room to get my nose healed....

"Stupid motherfucker !"

I woke up with an start, an knot inside my chest after seeing that memory in the middle of the night. We were finished with Park to have sex and we were both naked under the sheets and frankly, it was so much good. That memory I just had....it make me remember how much Adler was a fucking prick with me and the others : always wanting to have control on everything and getting his temper never in control but it was also make me remember of my devotion to Park. As I looked to Park who was back to me, seeing her scars in the back, I decided to put my arms around her for recomfort, wanting to stay with her.....

All I want with her is keeping her close to me !