#trying to prove myself that I'm still capable of rendering

[chemical-abscess]

But long it could not be

Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,

Pulled the poor wretch from her melodious lay    

To muddy death.    

Based on “Ophelia” by John Everett Millais!

[csleko]

Steampunk Workshop

That stream I did a few days ago? If you didn't happen to see any of it, this is what I was working on. Or rather, this is the finished version of what I was working on because I didn't get quite as much done as I would have liked.

THIS is what I ended up with at the conclusion of the 8-hour stream, and I'm still quite proud of how far I did manage to get in that amount of time. The goal was to show that even an inexperienced amateur such as I was capable of making a decent quality piece of art in a relatively short timespan, so excuses like "we need it super fast, so we'll use AI instead of hiring a human artist" are absolute bullshit. I did this in 8 hours! A single work day! And it only took me another 4 to finish!

And there are professionals out there with far more experience than me who could do it much faster and produce an even better looking final product. You just have to be willing to pay them for the speed. The "good/fast/cheap" idea still applies, and you're not being clever by trying to use AI to get around it.

And hey, look! I can prove I did this with my own two hands even if I hadn't saved the stream that shows me working on it from turning the Default Cube into the tabletop all the way to fussing with getting the lightbulbs to look right!

Yes, an AI thief COULD get 5,000 of these in the time it took me to make the one, but you know what? I didn't NEED to make 5,000. I only needed to make the one. Everything in this shot was deliberately modeled, textured, placed, lit, and rendered in accordance with my intentions. If I don't like how something looks, I don't need to generate 100 more iterations hoping that one works. I MAKE it work by changing it myself.

But you know the absolute BEST part of creating any kind of art yourself? YOU CAN LEARN NEW THINGS WHILE DONG IT, AND USE WHAT YOU LEARN IN FUTURE PROJECTS.

AI can't do that.

AI can suck it.

[sunsetsandrivers]

The couple living in A/302 are at it again.

They're literally obsessed with me.

I was just trying to put myself to bed peacefully but now I'm going to vent about them here before I can get around to it.

It's been a beautiful evening at home with my family that they kept trying to obstruct every now and then anyway and prove that their presence should make a difference to me somehow and I almost thought they learnt their lesson a while ago but what's music to deaf ears, right?

I don't know many people in the society but almost everybody knows me here. I think their (the couple living downstairs) problem thus forth becomes proving to me that it's really just them that everyone knows and not me so I should somehow compromise on my lifestyle out of concern for their married life and worry for my own future that they'll never let me have.

Now for someone who has always countered hate with boundless love, this situation barely feels new to me and for someone who has had people talking about her directly or indirectly (in both good and bad ways) it's really not a surprise that they're putting me through it this way.

They're a classic case of what we used to call an "existential crisis" or "identity crisis" in college or what our parents called "mid-life crisis".

They create a sense of unnecessary tension in the air everytime I'm hitting the bed out of curiosity for what will happen now and if I don't acknowledge their presence while starting my day, they get regressively mad about it.

I'm growing irritably tired of their incessant and incorrigible behaviour towards me and sometimes even each other. Trying to prove to them that I'm sincerely my parents' daughter and a family oriented girl with two marriages on the cards in my family, renders itself futile alongwith all my hints of me trying to work on rebuilding my career.

Oftentimes it bothers me to find other people in the society being okay with that simply because they don't have the right to intrude in anybody's personal life. Seeing them not raising their voice against that makes me rebel against it to the extent that they find another excuse to make it about themselves all the more.

It's disheartening to see them helpless or powerless and begging to be noticed every day and every night AND it's not like I don't see or understand that and live under a rock, absolutely oblivious to the world around me but to hear them begging desperately for the kind of attention that they somehow feel entitled to more than me as though it's not well deserved enough in my case and should be showered on them merely because they have a court registered marriage to prove their existence and everything anyone else does outside that realm is supposedly immoral is just bloody creepy. I'll explain why : because if that were really the situation, they'd let me study or do something "normal" according to society rather peacefully but the hypocrisy of it becomes bothersome because they're only okay with me doing whatever I do till it's about them AND THE FACT THAT THEY ATTACK MY BRAIN WHEN IT'S TRYING TO FUNCTION CANNOT EVEN BE CATEGORISED AS ANTI-SANATAN DHARMA!!!

Finding the strength to go on despite them everyday though? That's the real challenge.

They enjoy acting like "how can anything else in the world exist apart from them because they're only capable of having empathy for that and their existence should magically make everything okay" but how? By tapping onto my toilet time? LMFAO! This is the type of people that I believe belong to the "problem" end and never the "solution" end. Like how the famous African proverb goes "are you a part of the cure or the disease?".

I'm still just typing this as I hear them talking about me/it or each other and they're relentless and shameless. It makes me wonder when I ever challenged them this way. Or who did?

The other day I decided to go downstairs and ring their doorbell because I was trying to watch a movie or two on Netflix and I kept hearing their voices over it. They had around three labourers at their place as they were getting their home refurbished and here's how it went. When I reached a bit under-dressed, I didn't keep myself from asking the labourers for the people who live there. I was immediately understood and this unfortunate lady was called upon. She scuttled out of her house bearing a little red knife as if she'd attack me if I were to say the things she keeps saying all day. It was rather funny because she had hurriedly moved away from the bedroom right under mine in which she was gossiping away to glory with her husband despite the workers and pretended to come out of her living room instead.

I asked her to confirm if she's the lady that lives there and if they're the couple that have been destroying my sanity and peace of mind by talking about it derogatorily as if it's their religion (i.e. passing uncalled for comments when I'm in my washroom or bedroom by myself or with my family or on my phone with anyone). She asked me rather innocently "why don't you shut your window if you have a problem with it" to which I said "my windows are mostly shut only" so she went on to say "then how do you know that we're talking" and I responded rather rhetorically with "because I have ears". Read that again if you must and try to fathom the level of gaslighting I'm being made to go through.

What she doesn't realise is how it appears to be that she's merely jealous and that it's a poor reflection on her relationship with her husband in the society more than it could ever be my personal character assassination.

What she also doesn't realise is that being in and out of so many relationships at such a young and tender age has taught me how toxic, unhealthy intolerable and regressive that kind of behaviour is towards anyone's growth and progress in life. She's oblivious to how that's supposed to be a public display of consistent sexual desire towards her husband and doesn't understand how to express that without constantly offending me in the process. Anyone else relates?

What she must learn though is that if she continues to treat me like I don't exist outside her world just because she's put me on this pedestal wherein I have the imaginary power of being a threat to her marriage, I will legitimately file an F.I.R. or a court case against them AND I WILL MAKE IT A POINT TO GATHER THE REQUIRED PROOF FOR THE HARASSMENT THIS IS. It feels like an anchor tied to my soul trying to pull me back and chain me down instead of letting me fly.