#tw:loss of a parent

[bloodstained-babyface]

It had been roughly a few weeks…maybe a month…since her whole world was rendered asunder.  The days all just seemed to melt together. And if she could be honest with herself for once, instead of becoming lost in kind memories to try and dull the pain of cruel reality, she knew this was a part of ‘grieving’. Senran didn’t even grieve this hard when her mother died, but those were different circumstances.  She wasn’t sure if she could simply express the depth of her sorrow in just such a word or any word in any known language of the world. Everything had seemed to be so…good for once. Ever since Tatara had found her living in such an unsightly way and surprised her by giving her not only food to eat, something that was very difficult for her to get a hold of in a way that didn’t involve degradation in some way or another…he gave her kindness too. 

Everyone feared him in Aogiri but not her. No, she’d lost her ability to fear most things and humanity seemed to have the capacity to inflict more cruelty than the ghouls she had ever been surrounded by. And while she was sequestered into her own little living space by Tatara that a very minuscule list of others was allowed to venture in aside from himself, Aogiri was home to her. Rushima was nice…she didn’t mind the smell. Any place was nice as long as the first adult who showed her kindness was with her. She made, dare she say, friends? There were children who she played with.  Miza was cute, cool and taught her as much as Hakatori and Eto did and were the first feminine role models she had ever been able to have, since ‘her’.

A brief image played in her mind like a piece of a film strip of her encountering a scary looking lady with long purple hair like hers, ripping a good looking man into pieces, and while most would find the memory truly horrifying…Senran felt her lips crook into a wistful smile. She was sure the lady ghoul would eat her too but no. It took a while in the dark for her to tell that the ghoul was staring at her as if contemplating something but as to what it was, she couldn’t have been very sure. Senran nodded at her and after a while of frowning, the woman with violet hair smirked and as she walked past her, Sen could see that she was pretty. Dressed classy too…something like she imagined herself wearing if she ever was able to live to be in her twenties.

Sen sighed gently to herself, sitting in the bathroom and wearing a white apron over her one piece bathing suit. Vivid red stained the soft white fabric of her apron, as she worked on preparing the body of the man she had killed during the late night. Tatara had always stressed to her while he was still alive, that he wouldn’t be around forever and eventually she would need to learn to defend herself. Of course she followed every lesson he and others taught her. But oh childish naivety it was, that she assumed she and he would always be a part of one another’s lives in the sort of world they lived in. She should have sensed he was planning for perhaps the inevitable, the day he brought her into a neighborhood and to an old but nice looking, small house.  She should have sensed something was wrong when one day he insisted she not follow him to Rushima…Sen went almost everywhere with him and so that definitely put her off but she never disobeyed Tatara. He was the first father she had ever had and figured he knew what was best.

Senran deftly removed the outer layer of flesh, and the fat that was on the body of this son of a bitch she was butchering. Really…much like people told girls like her who had to walk home alone because they didn’t have caring parents to walk with them or friends anymore, this guy asked for it. He had befriended her and tried to act like he was this caring type of fellow, only to reveal sinister intentions the second no one was around to see him try anything. But pity the poor stupid asshole, she thought as the voice in her head laughed, his severed head staring at her from the top of the toilet. How fitting. He wasn’t the first man she murdered and given the warm familiarity Senran felt…the bittersweet nostalgia, he probably wouldn’t be the last. The inedible internal organs, feet and that ugly dick of his went into a garbage bag for her to dispose of later. Soon a freezer in her kitchen was filled with lots of meat she would surely have to get rid of too. But that would be easy, there were plenty of hungry ghouls out at night too.

Tatara had been kind enough indeed, to leave her with the resources she needed to survive as a human. But it didn’t matter, she was wishing she had been killed along with him. But if she had to survive and again, do some unsightly things to ensure she continued to…and to keep hold of what little sanity she had left, she would do so and at least try to benefit ghouls. Ghouls never took her away and abused her. Ghouls didn’t hurt her…except for the one who had supposedly killed her papa Tatara. How ironic, bitterly ironic, that Tatara had kept her away from Takizawa because he felt the T-Owl would hurt her. And he did, just perhaps not how her papa anticipated. Payback was necessary but for now, she wanted to help the other ghouls who now thanks to the CCG and the Clowns pulling the recent bullshit they had, had a harder time trying to hunt for food to feed themselves and their children.

For a while, Senran focused on the cleanup. Easily executed, she had done this enough times before to know what cleaning products she needed on hand and after washing her clothing, took herself to the upstairs window to light a cigarette she sweet talked an old perv into buying her a few packs of in exchange for what he thought he would get out of her. ‘What a dumbass’ she mused to herself as she remembered killing him as well, trying not to look at the white jacket Tatara used to wear, having been retrieved after the Rushima buzz died down...wondering if Tatara was chastising her from the beyond for her behavior. But really, he was one of the only people worth being good for in her life and now that he had died, all she had left was her personal mission of helping the ghouls who couldn’t help themselves. Humans…she hated them. So…so…much. They took everyone from her, in one way or another.