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geothe-isnazeya · 6 months ago

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Travels of Vigrid

Chapter 3: the council hall

Summary: She looked to be in her early twenties, with a fair and smooth complexion, silver eyes round and large, and thick eyelashes fluttering as she squinted at people. Her high nose bridge and full lips, with twin braids wrapped around, covering her ears, reminded me of a sheep with fluffy wool. The golden circlet across her forehead signaled her status. She had an air of pride and sanctity that made me forget all the rehearsed words.

CW:I just want to keep trying different styles. I realized that Vigrid is actually located in France on the map, so I wrote about some accurate or fictional French history. In this chapter, you can see that the religions are quite mixed. I haven't established a unified doctrine or a closed loop for Umbra yet, and I mean no offense at all.Just letting you know, the whole series is getting updated bit by bit on AO3

We got to the square, and the ground was covered in these square, shiny white tiles. Right in the middle, there's a fountain. The council hall is this majestic, square building with a white body and a roof made of brass tiles.

It's got four floors. The first floor is held up by these colonnades, and you can't really see inside through the dark purple, arched glass doors. The second and third floors have these classic French-style, round-arch windows. The fourth floor kind of sticks out, it's got this little square dome with stained glass that's all painted up. That pattern looks like the yin-yang symbol.

This time, I saw it really clearly. There's a big circle with three smaller circles touching each other horizontally inside. The design is split into black and white, filling each other out. The fish-like curve in the middle looks like an eye, and the script on top flutters like a woman's eyelashes... I was just staring, mesmerized.

"Snap out of it, Austrian girl." I felt a pat on my shoulder, which made me jump a bit.

So, Ophélie saw me stop and came over to make sure. Her red hair was peeking out from under her headscarf. "You really are a wandering scholar, come on, the Virgins has spotted us already."

Following her silvery gaze, I saw there were two more ladies behind the fountain. The vibe of our group got tense real quick. The sentries hustled us into line, marching us over to them with big steps, and then they all saluted with their elbows crossed over their chests. I glanced over, and on the table next to them were incense burners, fire pits, water containers, and a bunch of plants, plus some ritual stuff that was all new to me.

The priestesses were dressed in long black robes, and they were really skinny. Their faces weren't covered, but they wore veils that draped over their heads. The headscarves curved like half-moons pressed against their foreheads, and under the misty veils, they had eyes that sparkled like galaxies, as if they were looking right through me and Elius to something else.

That symbol must has been painted to represent their eyes.

"The purification ritual is ready. To seek the favor of the Demon Lords, stranger, tell me your true name," her voice was ethereal and clear, like dewdrops in the morning mist.

Elius coughed repeatedly, and I was noncommittal about his hints. Revealing my full name means exposing a vulnerability in the realms of magic and the extraordinary; it's said that many spells require the precise pronunciation of the person's name to be cursed. But these women are closely linked to the Moon Lord—why would they harm a simple pilgrim like me? I also have no reason to harm Vigrid.

"Nadia, Nadia Krämer," I responded.

The priestess nodded, then used a dish to scoop up some spring water and dampened a bunch of leaves. She went through the directions—north, west, south, and east—and made her plea to the spirits of each: "May the spirits of the blaze, the gale, the chasm, and the flood grant Nadia Krämer, daughter of a Viennese merchant, protection and guidance."

Then she sprinkled the branch over my head and around my feet. The end of the branch that hold was polished, showing off the golden wood. The leaves were long and narrow with irregular, wavy edges. It must be an oak tree, right?

After that, the priestess called the next person forward. Elius reluctantly mumbled something, and Ingrid took over, briskly guiding my friend to step up: "This man is named Elius Schreiber."

Virgin priestess went through the same routine again, calling out Eli's family business and hometown, and I couldn't help but look at him with suspicion as he hung his head. Did he spill everything in just one night? Or do the Virgins really have psychic powers?

"Sentries, set up the scene as usual," the tall, thin priestess clapped her hands together.

The soldiers scattered at the command, some helping the priestesses to light the braziers and crush the herbs; others stripped us of our clothes; some went off to bring our two horses; and some tested musical instruments—I recognized a lute and a hand drum right away.

Ophélie was in charge of the search and undressing. She raised her eyebrows, swiped the dagger from the sole of my boot, put her index finger to her lips to shush me, and nodded her head as if to say, "Lucky they didn't find this." I could only give an awkward laugh to play it off.

So, after about the time it takes to drink two beers, Eli and I were left in just our thin clothes and socks, hugging each other's arms and shivering in the autumn wind.

With the clear notes of the lute, the two Virgins held the lit incense burners and prayed in a mix of French and an ancient language I'd never heard before. The priestesses circled us counterclockwise, moving their arms to the beat of the drum, sprinkling powder from bowls onto the flames. Then, they lifted their veils and blew the ash onto us.

First, it was the bitter scent of sandalwood, like burnt toast, followed by the sweet of camphor, then a sharp, cool spiciness. I covered my mouth to muffle the cough in my hand. My nose was running, and my eyes were burning, like I'd rolled around in a kitchen that had been used to stir-fry chilis until it was pitch black. Finally, there was citrus and pine, and the air returned to its slightly bitter state.

The Virgins scooped water to wash my eyes. I clasped my hands together, asking her to give me water, and buried my face in the spring water to drink the coolness. My eyes could see again, my mouth could speak again, and the fatigue and soreness were all gone. I felt like I could ride a plow ox and till ten acres without getting tired.

The priestess who was giving orders asked me to flat out my hand, and my fingertips overlapped with her palm, loosely hooking our wrists together as we moved in sync through the smoky fire. At that moment, the drumbeats were intense and fast; at that moment, the gut strings of the lyre also vibrated in resonance. She loudly asked the Demon Lords for mercy on me, promising a bountiful offering with a long, drawn-out inflection: "We gather here, beating with the most sincere hearts, to offer Umbra respects to you, asking with boundless compassion to forgive this outsider."

I looked back to see Elius, holding onto the hem of another priestess's robe, also stepping into the smoke. Then, the sentries carried our clothes across the fire in several trips. When we all reached the end, the Virgin sprinkled the ash from the incense burner under the horses' hooves, "And welcome to you too." As she stood up and offered one oak leaf to each horse, the two animals with different personalities both nuzzled their jaws against the shoulder of the priestess in a sign of affection.

The music was dying down, and the ceremony was over. We finally got our clothes back to warm up (except for the dagger). I was surprised to see that the women, after all that, didn't seem out of breath, not even a drop of sweat on their foreheads. Did that mean they were all super fit or something?

As I was getting dressed, I asked my childhood friend in German, "Eli, psst.psst.. Eli! Why did you call them witches before? Did you spill all our secrets?"

"You didn't know? They didn't show you... that terrifying power? Nadi, I'm counting on you. I rarely wielded a sword even in my squire days..." His dusty face started to tear up as he spoke, "They've been kind to you, Nadia, please help us. Ask them to let us go... Friend, friend, forgive me this time."

"I don't know what? Can you be a little clearer??" I was starting to get anxious.

The commotion caught the attention of the priestess, who was sitting on the pristine relief of the fountain, cleaning the dirt from her hands. She called over the leader of the sentries and whispered something to her. Ingrid glanced at me, nodded in understanding, and after their conversation, she approached us.

"Get ready to go inside and see Her Highness. Elder Renée wants you to speak. Keep your follower in check; if he dares to make a scene and cry in front of the heir, I'll cut out his tongue." Ingrid looked me straight in the eyes and then glanced at Eli, spitting out the threat.

"Huh!..." My friend let out a wail as the sentry strapped a leather muzzle over his mouth. When I reached to take it off, Ophélie grabbed my arm and shook her head. For the first time, I angrily shook off her grip. In an instant, the leader pinned me to the ground; the tiles were bitingly cold. She was incredibly strong, and no matter how much I wriggled, I couldn't break free.

"This farce is over." The high priestess named Renée swept her robe past my nose, and the sentry quickly let go. I got up grumpily, straightening my clothes. The disparity in strength was so vast, and I gave Elius a steady look, silently vowing that whether we get through this ordeal or not, it's all on me.

Holding my breath, I rehearsed in my mind how to argue against any questions that might come my way. Led by the group into the meeting place, I wasn't in the mood to appreciate the golden, symmetrically elegant carvings on the supporting pillars, whether lit by the bonfire or the sunlight. The long corridor with iron doors on both sides made me feel oppressed. Our shadows, swallowed and then released by the columns, seemed like ghosts swaying.

The raised platform in the distance was just a few steps high, and the lake green light refracted from the ceiling totem made the floor tiles seem as cool and quiet as pebbles washed by a stream. The chatter died down as we approached, and as Renée, the Virgin, stepped forward, I looked up and observed her settling into the empty chair. Every chair at the crescent moon-shaped table was occupied by a woman in black, except for the one in the center with a bright red figure.

She looked to be in her early twenties, with a fair and smooth complexion, silver eyes round and large, and thick eyelashes fluttering as she squinted at people. Her high nose bridge and full lips, with twin braids wrapped around, covering her ears, reminded me of a sheep with fluffy wool. The golden circlet across her forehead signaled her status. She had an air of pride and sanctity that made me forget all the rehearsed words.

If she claimed to be the Moon Lord herself, no one would doubt her.

We were still in the stage of sizing each other up. I should have greeted her with courtly manners for men, but considering the local custom where women hold the reins, I switched to a curtsy. But since I was wearing trousers, I had to make do by grabbing the hem of my coat and pretending it was a skirt, bowing low to the heir with my eyes cast down in submission.

"Your Highness, my name is Nadia, and I represent the Austrian royal family, extending to you our respect and greetings."

I thought I'd be scolded for this awkward gesture, but when I looked up at the round table on the high platform, several elders were frowning and pursing their lips, their expressions full of confusion and criticism. I stole a glance at Her Highness and caught a fleeting smile at the corner of her red lips.

Perhaps winning the heir's favor was easier than I thought.

"You may rise, envoy from Vienna, I have received your greetings," she said, her voice clear and serene.

"Where did this court jester come from? You barged in uninvited, dirtying the sacred soil of Vigrid with your filthy boots, and now you try to cover up your rudeness with so-called 'respect'?" An elder with an official hat on her head and a crescent moon on her shoulder leaned both hands on the table, speaking out harshly.

I glanced at Her Highness again; she neither argued nor agreed, calm and composed, only her eyes twitched slightly at the beginning of this accusation.

"The purification ritual is complete, and the watchers of the demon realm have raised no objections." The Virgin's words were still melodious and pure; I wasn't sure if she was defending me or just stating the facts.

"Renée, as you've been sizing them up, have you seen any signs that this is another well-crafted trick by the Lumen Sages? Their hypocritical reach has been getting longer and longer in recent years," said the elder, holding the royal document I brought and passing it to her colleague on the left after reading.

"The traces are faint, but..." As soon as she said this, murmurs of doubt echoed around, drowning out the Virgin's plea.

As I caught whispers about punishment and imprisonment methods, the heiress rose from her seat and interrupted, "Silence! The words of the Virgins are not to be interrupted. Why does Umbra now ignore the advice of the Demon Lords' servants?" Once the room quieted down, she sat back down and said, "Priestess Renée, please continue."

"Just as Brigitte said, the Lumen Sages have set up missions in every corner of Europe. Our two foreign guests seem to have been corrupted by that radiance. However, the spirits whisper in my ear that Nadia of Vienna remains true to herself."

"Let's just slaughter the man as a sacrifice and send her packing. It's that simple," another elder interjected, her body lean and powerful, as she drummed her fingers on the table to get everyone's attention.

"This is a wrong judgment! I can prove our innocence. Please give me a chance!" I shouted, but the many eyes that turned on me were like arrows, dousing my cry. It was as if my voice was as insignificant as an ant's, not worth their consideration at all.

"Honey, handling swords and staffs is your forte, but dealing with these courtly political games isn't as simple as a dance. Before we dive deeper into this absurdity, remember, these Austrian royals are diplomatic guests, not enemies. Let's hear what the sentries have to say first, alright?" The owner of the soft voice crooked her finger at Ingrid.

"Sentry Leader Ingrid, I call you forward to testify. There's no need to be nervous. Now, please recount your experience from last night in front of the elders." The heir leaned forward, passing a glance.

Upon being nominated, the female soldier nodded, stepped forward, and saluted, "Yesterday at dusk, during our patrol on the hillside, we came across three individuals acting suspiciously. One of them went down the mountain ahead of the others, so we apprehended the remaining two suspects at the pass, searched them, and found royal letter. We then carefully knocked them out. The woman was properly taken care of at an inn, while the man was brought to the prison for questioning. After a thorough check, we confirmed they weren't carrying any narcotics or poisons; they were as fragile as chicks."

"Now you may speak, Nadia of Vienna, and tell us the true reason you've come to Vigrid," the heiress in the bright red motioned for me to step forward.

"The Habsburg dynasty sent us to Vigrid to document the local customs and people, so that we might serve the Moon Lord more devoutly. As for the Lumen Sages, I know nothing of them, and no one has identified themselves as such to me. The one who left ahead was our local guide," my voice trembled a bit, and I continued with a sense of grievance, "We've never set foot in Vigrid before and were unaware of the forbidden rules; we meant no disrespect... and certainly no harm..."

"Jeanne d'Arc! I thought moving the prison from the tower to the city center was already the height of absurdity, but I didn't expect you to be considering pardoning criminals, giving them a chance to lie and wriggle their way out. This will lead to irreversible consequences!" The elder wearing an official hat was on the attack again, but this time, the target of the accusation was the heir herself.

"I know what I've done." It was the first time I saw Her Highness snap back, and this time the twitch in her eye was even more noticeable, "Moving the prison to the city center was to increase administrative efficiency, and it's in the best interest of the people."

"Goodness, it's been almost forty years, and you still won't let go of that poor mother and daughter. Isabella, Rosa was once your pride and joy. Honestly, I feel sorry for you." The elder with the soft voice feigned nonchalance and yawned.

"Quoi ??"

This attack seemed to light the fuse on a powder keg; the elders all stood up, pointing fingers and shouting accusations at each other. Amidst the uproar, the heir barely managed to give the leader of the sentries orders to avoid our awkward stares: "Ingrid, take them out, the council still needs to discuss... wait for further summons."

So we moved outside the hall, and after a long, agonizing wait, the sunlight shifted from the lake surface to directly above us, when we were finally allowed back into the chamber. The elders were all seated again, sitting upright and glaring at each other. The heir looked a bit weary, propping her head with her hand, and she was the only one to pronounce the result in a hoarse voice.

Out of diplomatic courtesy and Umbra's mercy, the council has offered an alternative to imprisonment. One option is that I become Eli's guardian during my stay in Vigrid, where he would have to wear specific attire and shackles, and there would be two soldiers accompanying us throughout the assessment period. The second option is that I can move about freely, but Eli would be imprisoned until the travel is over. The third option is that I can stay, but Eli must have his memories of this place blurred and leave Vigrid immediately. I chose the third option and agreed with Eli that he would wait for me in the town at the foot of the mountain; every day, I would send a message to the town. If the messages stop, it means something has happened to me.

As for my punishment, I have to spend a couple of hours a day doing community service in the city. Being an explorer, I had already planned to immerse myself in the local life here, so this is hardly a punishment at all.

In short, the diplomatic trial was a nerve-wracking experience, but it went smoothly. After I bid farewell to the dazed Elius and grabbed some dried food from my satchel, it was already afternoon. I asked the innkeeper from this morning to draw a rough map of the Vigrid area for me and bought a set of local clothing.

When I started my formal travel, the first thing that came to mind was to visit the temple of the Virgins. So, I rode my horse across the grand bridge at a gallop, which was long enough for me to recite a few poems.

As I studied the map in my hands, I was allowed to roam freely around Vigrid, which let my thoughts take flight. The bell tower on the highest cliff... the plaza below it, a web-like structure... temples, schools, and the council building scattered around. That means the north end of the bridge is the real center of power. I'm curious if this is the birthplace of civilization here, perhaps where the queens of yore settled the people, and then the residences radiated outwards to the inn where I just stayed.

I've seen similar layouts in many territories: a castle on high, surrounded by the upper lands where the nobility live, then the common townsfolk's activity center, and often the slums and red-light districts at the bottom. Vigrid doesn't have clear city walls but uses bridges to separate the commoners from the nobility. The temples and the city council hall are interspersed, reminding me of ancient Rome during its republican period. And I haven't visited the slums of Vigrid yet; perhaps there are still marginalized groups here, just not easily encountered on the main streets.

I finally looked to the south, where in the distance on the mountains stood round, white buildings, milky-white connected cottages with a very Mediterranean, perhaps Greek, flair, but nestled in the mountains. There were also continuous aqueducts, bringing mountain springs to the town.

I returned to the area near the council and made my way to the temple I'd heard about, said to be a charming, circular building. The ladies in black, seeing me wandering alone on this side of the bridge, cast curious glances my way, yet never allowed me a real chance to speak with them, always disappearing around the corner the moment I noticed them.

I dismounted and approached the building with a dome like a moon disk; its door was a narrow one, resembling an upside-down crescent. The door was carved with insects that had their wings fully spread—scarabs? Butterflies? Moths? I unfolded a parchment and sketched it down. The ancient Egyptians believed that the emerald green scarab had the power of rebirth. Could it be that I would learn similar revelations from the teachings in Vigrid?

This thought made me hesitate. Although the purification ceremony in the morning was kindly hosted by the Virgins, but the chaos that followed... It would be quite bold to ask her to explain their religion to me. Or maybe I should first go to town and find out what the Virgins like, look for a trendy gift or a bottle of fine wine to use as a conversation starter. I pondered deeply, my brows surely furrowed in concentration.

"Is there anything I can help with?" Lost in thought, I heard a voice that had made an impression on me earlier in the day. It was the heir and her guard approaching from the temple, addressing me.

She looked relaxed, as if she had shed the stress of the meeting.

"Oh! Your Highness, I didn't expect to run into you. I was wondering if it's appropriate for me to disturb the Virgins right now. You see, I was a prisoner just half a day ago." Now dressed in the local attire of Vigrid, I finally managed to perform the proper curtsy for her.

"I stepped back with one foot, lifted the skirt at my side, and curtsied with a smile and a nod.

“Stay vigilant, friend from afar; bowing to everyone might lead to unnecessary trouble. Especially with the elders,” her tone remained dignified, but her lips curled into an appropriate smile.

She approached me; she wasn’t wearing a veil or a mask, and that almost divine beauty was right in front of me. She handed me a lily brooch as a token, to prove that I was the heir’s guest: “Now, you can enter the temple with peace of mind.”

"Your Highness, about the next arrangements..." the guard, dressed in black and red, leaned in to remind her.

"I'm aware," the heir replied, her gaze steady. The quietness in her contemplation only amplified her beauty, "I look forward to reading your travelogue."

It was only after they had left for a while that I realized her last remark was meant for me.

.tbc

Notes:

1、Renée is an elegant and unique French name that comes from the Latin word meaning "reborn." 2、Brigitte is associated with St. Brigid of Ireland, who is regarded as the guardian of wisdom and knowledge. 3、Isabella means "God's promise" in French. This name has Hebrew origins. 4、Nadia Krämer means "merchant." 5、Elios Schreiber means "scribe" or "secretary."

#bayonetta #bayojeanne #cereza #jeanne #bayonetta fanfiction #Travels of Vigrid #16th-century France maybe

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stormbreaker101 · 1 year ago

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Wizard101 Power Leveling Guide (Summer 2024)

Updated September 30, 2024

This post is heavily inspired by the far more well-known Teleportable Dungeons guide on Reddit, so of course credit for the idea and MUCH of the information to the OP there. However, that guide was written in early 2020, and since then we've had a whole new arc, as well as some other changes. This guide aims to correct for those changes.

Along with teleportable instances and quests that either only require level progression or have no prerequisites, this guide includes every reusable housing gauntlet currently available. If you want to use this guide to its fullest but don't have a gauntlet yourself, you can message my acquaintance stormclouds_ on Discord, who can provide free and constant access to every gauntlet. (She gave me permission to cite her 👍)

The instances are listed in order of giving least to most XP. In the case of a dungeon providing multiple quests, it's ordered by the quest that gives maximum XP. Occasionally, I'll have notes in square brackets.

If a dungeon has both a Standard and Challenge mode, then I am strictly referring to Standard mode. You can't port into Challenge mode instances.

Accursed Play (Tier 1): 100 [If lowest wizard is Level 1-19]

Great Clock Tower (Tier 1): 100 [If lowest wizard is Level 1-19]

Accursed Play (Tier 2): 200 [If lowest wizard is Level 20-39]

Sinbad and the Iron Sultan (Tier 1): 200 [If lowest wizard is Level 1-25]

Great Clock Tower (Tier 2): 200 [If lowest wizard is Level 20-39]

Sunken City (Nightside, WC): 75 230 195 250 275

Accursed Play (Tier 3): 300 [If lowest wizard is Level 40-59]

Accursed Play (Tier 4): 300 [If lowest wizard is Level 60-79]

Sinbad and the Iron Sultan (Tier 2): 300 [If lowest wizard is Level 26-50]

Great Clock Tower (Tier 3): 300 [If lowest wizard is Level 40-59]

Great Clock Tower (Tier 4): 300 [If lowest wizard is Level 60-79]

Frostholm (Vigrid Roughland, GH): 320 320 320

Accursed Play (Tier 5): 500 [If lowest wizard is Level 80-99]

Great Clock Tower (Tier 5): 500 [If lowest wizard is Level 80-99]

Throne Room of Fire (Palace of Fire, KT): 600 645 205

Accursed Play (Tier 6): 700 [If lowest wizard is 100+]

Sinbad and the Iron Sultan (Tier 5): 700 [If lowest wizard is Level 101+]

Great Clock Tower (Tier 6): 700 [If lowest wizard is 100+]

Vault of Ice (Entrance Hall, KT): 735

Midnight Sun Pagoda (Tier 1): 779 [If lowest wizard is Level 1-19]

Emperor's Retreat (Entrance Hall, KT): 785 585 785 845

Karanahn Palace (Karanahn Barracks, KT): 915

Tomb of the Beguiler (Well of Spirits, KT): 685 785 895 960

Temple of Storms (Well of Spirits, KT): 960 960

Ironworks (Digmoore Station, MB): 1,005 1,360 400 435 1,430

Counterweight East (Royal Museum, MB): 1,480

Counterweight West (Royal Museum, MB): 1,520

Katzenstein's Lab (Scotland Yard Roof, MB): 1,480 1,480 1,520 475 485

The Stellarium (District of the Stars, CL): 1,595

Manticore's Madness (Nucleus Gallery, NV): 1,600 [Not recommended. This fight takes a LONG time for so little XP]

Kesington Park (Digmoore Station, MB): 1,565 1,580 1,640

Crimson Fields (Hametsu Village, MS): 335 665 665 2,085 335 2,085 2,095 1,675 2,095

The Grand Chasm Past (The Grand Chasm, DS): 715 2,230

Shirataki Temple (Shoshun Village, MS): 1,880 2,410

The Labyrinth (The Necropolis, DS): 830 2,580 2,580 2,580 2,580 2,580

Tree of Life (Yoshihito Temple, MS): 450 2,840 2,840

Spiral Cup Gauntlet (Tier 1): 3,175 [If lowest wizard is Level 1-19]

Grand Tourney Arena (Tier 1): 3,300 [If lowest wizard is Level 1-19]

Fantastic Voyage (Tier 1): 3,300 [If lowest wizard is Level 1-29]

Winterbane Hall (Tier 1): 3,375 [If lowest wizard is Level 1-19]

Kembaalung (begins in The Oasis, KT): 230 230 580 3,180 4,230 1,920 [Minimum level of 25 is required. Only the 3k and 4k figures are from dungeons, the rest are from quests that only require dialogue.]

Midnight Sun Pagoda (Tier 2): 4,650 [If lowest wizard is Level 20-39]

Loremaster (The Atheneum, DS): 7,300 [Though not a typical dungeon, wizards can accept her quest at any level and with no story progression necessary.]

Barkingham Palace (begins in Wolfminster Abbey, MB): 340 680 6,800 680 6,800 680 7,905 2,040 [Minimum level of 40 required. The 7k and 8k quests are from the dungeons themselves.]

Nastrond (Hrundle Fjord, GH): 5,375 8,955 10,075 5,375 10,075 9,850

Spiral Cup Gauntlet (Tier 2): 12,150 [If lowest wizard is Level 20-39]

Grand Tourney Arena (Tier 2): 12,675 [If lowest wizard is Level 20-39]

Fantastic Voyage (Tier 2): 12,675 [If lowest wizard is Level 30-59]

Winterbane Hall (Tier 2): 12,900 [If lowest wizard is Level 20-39]

Midnight Sun Pagoda (Tier 3): 14,730 [If lowest wizard is Level 40-59]

The Portico (Celestia Base Camp, CL): 21,125 17,420

The Chancel (Celestia Base Camp, CL): 3,040 10,345 23,375

Trial of the Spheres (Celestia Base Camp, CL): 25,000

Grand Tourney Arena (Tier 3): 31,085 [If lowest wizard is Level 40-59]

Zigazag (begins in Balance School, KT): 2,010 1,005 33,480 9,315 39,510 9,130 [Minimum level of 60 required. Dungeons award the 2 >30k quests.]

Spiral Cup Gauntlet (Tier 3): 38,480 [If lowest wizard is Level 40-59]

Winterbane Hall (Tier 3): 39,975 [If lowest wizard is Level 40-59]

Fantastic Voyage (Tier 3) : 40,150 [If lowest wizard is Level 60-89]

Hall of Heroes (Telos, LM): 40,300

Control Room (Nimbus Citadel, EM): 40,584

Castle Gobbsmack (Gobblerton, KM): 44,150 [Personally not recommended. This dungeon is agony even at max level.]

Midnight Sun Pagoda (Tier 4): 47,620 [If lowest wizard is Level 60-79]

Midnight Sun Pagoda (Tier 5): 50,090 [If lowest wizard is Level 80+]

Aeroship (Nimbus Citadel, EM): 51,177

Storm Titan's Wake (Husk, EM): 51,177 [Easier nowadays thanks to Standard Mode. If you put a Balance Dispel on the Trident then change the bubble, the Dispel keeps it from replacing the damage cap bubble, allowing you to one-shot it]

Guest Quarters (Sky City, LM): 56,420

Spiritual Grove (Husk, EM): 61,770

Dream Shrine (Nexus, EM): 69,361

Deepest Mine (Cenote, AZ): 69,375

Freddie's Domain (Dreaming, WL): 69,720

Logging Warehouse (Black Licorice Forest, KM): 79,448

Cistern (Inner Athanor, EM): 83,481

Pipeline Cave (Gumdrop Forest, KM): 88,276

Ancient Shrine (Mandoria, LM): 88,660

Temple of Mother Moon (Pitch Black Lake, AZ): 92,760

Monquistan Fortress (Puerto Nuovo, NV): 96,495

Headquarters (Sepidious, EM): 96,540

Shadow House (Zanadu, EM): 96,540

Charging Station (Zanadu Sewers, EM): 96,540

Ink Spillway (Sepidious, EM): 96,540

Honeybee Diner (Heap, LM): 96,720

Wellspring (Heap, LM): 96,720

Golden Lion's Mind (Heap, LM): 96,720

Humongishfrog Battleplain (Northeast Aero Plains, EM): 102,354

Keep of Ganelon (Outer Yard, AV): 105,030 [Players can only teleport into the final room, with the Black and White dragons]

Temple of Light (Inner Athanor, EM): 108,927

Cafe Melee (La Ville Rose, NV): 110,280

Manticore's Plan (Nucleus Gallery, NV): 110,280

Solomon Crane's House (Night Forest, LM): 112,840

Atrium (Mandoria, LM): 112,840

Lab Entrance (Mandoria, LM): 112,840

Spiral Cup Gauntlet (Tier 4): 123,490 [If lowest wizard is Level 60-79]

Grand Tourney Arena (Tier 4): 128,824 [If lowest wizard is Level 60-79]

Fantastic Voyage (Tier 4): 128,850 [If lowest wizard is Level 90-120]

Winterbane Hall (Tier 4): 131,110 [If lowest wizard is Level 60-79]

Rosina's House (Black Licorice Forest, KM): 136,828

Bank (Hope Springs, WL): 139,440

Sandiago's Dream (Dreaming, WL): 139,440

Beacon of Hope (Zanadu, EM): 139,882

Aethyrium (Zanadu, EM): 144,810

Palace (Zanadu, EM): 144,810

Runoff Drain (Zanadu Sewers, EM): 144,810

Right Ocular Vein (Sepidious, EM): 144,810

Left Ocular Vein (Sepidious, EM): 144,810

Heart Sector (Sepidious, EM): 144,810

Four Points (Aggrobah, MR): 145,000

Lock Up (Heap, LM): 153,140

Bass Chamber (Telos, LM): 153,140

Treble Chamber (Telos, LM): 153,140

Military Training Grounds (Nimbus Citadel, EM): 153,531

Rear Courtyard (Nimbus Citadel, EM): 153,531

Private Wing (Nimbus Citadel, EM): 153,531

Audience Chamber (Nimbus Citadel, EM): 153,531

Astral Grove (Husk, EM): 153,531

Elemental Grove (Husk, EM): 153,531

Gingerbread Room Academy (Karamelle City, KM): 167,725

Temple of Truth (Wildlands, LM): 169,260

Volcano Path (Ursai Village, LM): 169,260

Killawahoo (Ursai Village, LM): 169,260

Tomb of He-Mander (Mandoria, LM): 169,260

Jailor's Office (Mandoria, LM): 169,260

Krull's Tent (Mandoria, LM): 169,260

Guard Complex (Sky City, LM): 169,260

Water Purification Plant (Sky City, LM): 169,260

Morg Fortress (Sky City, LM): 169,260

North Time Dunes (Chronoverge, MR): 169,500

Lower Passage (Stone of Heaven, NV): 174,610

Booth's Lair (Conatus, NV): 174,610

Cabal Base (La Ville Rose, NV): 174,610

Barn Division (Candy Corn Farm, KM): 184,883

Glockenspiel (Karamelle City, KM): 185,379

Gobbler Cave (Gumdrop Forest, LM): 185,379

Mining Tunnel B (Nibbleheim Mines, KM): 185,380

Silo (Candy Corn Farm, KM): 185,379

Dueling Space (Nucleus Gallery, NV): 192,990

Cliffside Nest (Puerto Nuovo, NV): 192,990

Saboteur Cave (Puerto Nuovo, NV): 192,990

Secret Tunnel (Aeriel Jungle, EM): 195,777

Dundara's Tunnel (Hope Springs, WL): 209,160

Lost King's Mine (Kingsland, WL): 209,160

Rebel Mine (Outback, WL): 209,160

Pink Lake (Eucalyptus Forest, WL): 209,160

Furryosa's Dream (Dreaming, WL): 209,160

Dark Cloud Base (Southwest Aero Plains): 214,507

Beastman Tunnels (Aeriel Jungle, EM): 215,232

Dead Archive (Arcanum): 217,620

Darkmoor (begins in Nightside, WC): 19,560 19,560 48,905 146,725 39,125 23,965 19,560 220,090 80,700 [Minimum level of 100 is required. The 147k, 24k, and 220k quests are from the 3 dungeons. To my knowledge it's not yet possible to power level someone to 100 without any questing, so including this in the list is likely impractical. Still, I intend to be thorough.]

Lagoon Pipeline (Billabong Resort, WL): 229,080

Spiral Cup Gauntlet (Tier 5): 234,500 [If lowest wizard is Level 80+]

Winterbane Hall (Tier 5): 248,980 [If lowest wizard is Level 80+]

Matheus' House (La Ville Rose, NV): 257,320

Financial Department (Karamelle City, KM): 264,828

Hot House Silo (Candy Corn Farm, KM): 275,521

Overlord's Ossuary (Alkali Barrows, MR): 412,000

Grand Tourney Arena (Tier 5): 413,280 [If lowest wizard is Level 80+]

Fantastic Voyage (Tier 5): 413,280 [If lowest wizard is Level 120+]

Steam Plant (Inner Athanor, EM): 419,901

Kalamar Clearing (Chaos Jungle, EM): 499,369

Dream Hive (Nexus, EM): 571,732

Kalypso (Kalypso Dock, PL): 741,320

#wizard101 #w101

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oracleslibrary · 1 year ago

Text

Bayonetta 3 Sucks and Here's Why

[Content warnings for: Gore, sexual themes. Spoiler warnings for the entirety of the Bayonetta series.]

Good evening, everyone.

I have summoned you all here to my little shop of horrors today to talk to you about witches.

When I mention 'witches,' one of the first words that pops into your head might be 'Salem.' The Salem witch trials are perhaps the most famous of all of the many, many witch trials that took place from the 1500s to the late 1800s. The witch trials of both Europe and America were a perfect example of hysteria and the fear of the other, and how that hysteria can lead to the deaths of innocent people. Witch hunts and witch trials began in the early-to-mid 1500s in Europe and around 1648 in America, with their final trials being in 1782 and 1878, respectively. Now, the victims of these trials were not witches. They were innocent, often marginalized folks who either went against the rigid status quo or merely existed as 'undesirables' and were slaughtered for it. But the witch trials have heavily influenced how we see witches in the modern day (even if some of the ideas we have nowadays have dubious origins of whether it was actually the witch trials that spawned them). They use familiars, they are in league with the devil, they have "witches' marks" which can take the place of birthmarks or scars or literally any mark that the hunters decide is evil, their hair is a large source of their magical ability. All of these things are traits we still associate with witches today.

And if any of these traits sound particularly familiar to fans of a certain game series, it's certainly no coincidence.

Before I get into the main topic of today's essay, I need to set up some backstory with the development of Bayonetta, the plots of the first two games, and an analysis of Bayonetta's character herself. It's integral to future understanding of what I'm going to have a fucking hernia over.

Bayonetta was first released in 2009, garnering positive reviews from both critics and fans and selling over a million copies worldwide. Taking inspiration from the stylishness and exaggeration of Devil May Cry, former director of PlatinumGames Hideki Kamiya wanted to focus on sexiness and stylishness with the snappy and hard-hitting gameplay of a hack-and-slash. Bayonetta herself was designed by Mari Shimazaki in conjunction with Kamiya in order to create a modern-day witch with glasses and four guns. This design and character, intentionally or not, draws a lot from these old European ideas of witches. Bayonetta's hair being the source of her power, Bayonetta having infernal contracts with demons, her being able to transform into animals as well as cats being completely calm around her--hell, even her beauty mark would have been considered a witch's mark. As well, Shimazaki pushed hard for Bayonetta to have a beehive hairdo as a modern representation of a witch's hat.

As a brief summation of the first game, Bayonetta follows the titular Umbra Witch as she goes to find the secrets of her past, as one day she awoke in a casket in a lake with no memory of who she was. As a quick note, this world has two major factions of supernatural ability: the Umbra Witches, and the Lumen Sages. The Lumen protected the light, the Umbra the dark. Bayonetta is the only known remaining Umbra Witch, as the rest were hunted and killed in the Witch Hunts. The Lumen had been defeated by the Umbra just before the Hunts began when they went to war.

Bayonetta's search brings her to the holy city of Vigrid, where she faces off against Angels with her own infernal powers as they try to stop her from getting closer to the truth. Among these adversaries is the mysterious Jeanne, who strangely enough has powers that mirror Bayonetta's perfectly, hint hint. After an unfathomable amount of property damage, Bayonetta meets a little girl named Cereza, who mistakes Bayonetta for her mom and becomes attached to her quickly. Bayonetta is less than enthused about being followed around by a toddler, but also finds that this child can see Angels, and is being hunted by them as well. Joining together with investigative journalist and most pathetic man alive Luka Redgrave, who has his own bone to pick with Bayonetta, they make it to Isla del Sol, where just--fucking everything happens at once.

Balder, the one in charge of all the Angels and the last remaining Lumen Sage, is revealed to be Bayonetta's father, Cereza is actually a time-displaced young version of herself, Bayonetta is the holder of the Left Eye of Darkness, which is used in conjunction with the Right Eye of Light to resurrect Jubileus, the Creator who is basically God, and Jeanne turns out to have been her childhood friend and fellow Umbra Witch who was brainwashed by the angels to fight for them--it's a whole thing. It's kind of absolutely fucking insane actually.

But in the end Bayonetta kills God and seemingly dies but she's okay actually don't worry about it.

Bayonetta 2 was released in 2014 on the Wii U, which was certainly. A decision. But despite the unfortunate platform, the game received rave reviews and was a massive critical success among fans and critics. The game almost didn't happen, if not for Nintendo partnering with the creative team and funding the project. The game was praised for its improvements over the original, from the lessening of insta-kill quick-time events and making them more forgiving, to easier ability to build up power with button mashing and spinning the joystick, to new weapons and powers, to new animations for which direction Bayonetta was attacking, to stronger pacing, and to more refined art direction. Gameplay remained largely unchanged, mostly because, well, it didn't really need to change. It was excellent as-is, with some new adjustments such as using magic for Wicked Weaves at the end of combos for extra damage, and generally having an easier time building up magic at all.

The plot follows Bayonetta as she goes to rescue Jeanne from Inferno after a summon gone wrong. In doing this, she goes to the water city of Noatun to reach the mountain Fimbulventr, where it is said that a gate to Inferno resides. Along the way, she meets Loki, an amnesiac child with a foul mouth and a snippy attitude who feels compelled to climb the mountain to learn who he is. All the while, Bayonetta is constantly being confronted by a Lumen Sage, which surprises her, as she killed the last one of those in the previous game. That Lumen Sage turns out to be a younger version of her father, Balder, before he went insane and evil. There's so much backstory to explain who all of these characters are and their relevance to the story, but I'll give context as needed to further explain.

Bayonetta and Balder kill God at the end again and Balder traps God's evil spirit in his body before going back in time and then going insane which leads into the events of Bayonetta 1. Stable time loop.

The plot of Bayonetta often surrounds themes of deception, misunderstandings, secrets, identity, time travel, and what it means to be. It's about family, whether by blood or by choice. It's about righting past wrongs. It's about fun and freedom and stylishness. But I'd argue one of the strongest themes in Bayonetta is love. The people you love, the places you love, the things you love. The things you'll do anything to protect. I think a lot about one of Bayonetta's quotes from the first game, when she's talking to Cereza (long before she ever knew Cereza's whole deal), and making sure that Cereza's Umbran Watch is secure:

"When you love something, never lose it. Understand, little one? You must keep it safe, close to your heart."

Bayonetta's character was a line that the crew could have very, very easily fucked up. It would have been so easy to make Bayonetta just a fanservice character, there to be sexualized without having any actual personality. But they didn't; instead, they made an incredibly distinct character with a strong personality and distinct style who simply oozes sexuality, which is never derided or seen as a bad thing. The way I've always described is that fanservice, namely bad fanservice is the camera sexualizing the character. The key component here is consent: if a character in-universe is showing off their body, then it's still fanservice, but it's not a violation of the character. Now I know what I just said is really fucking loaded because they're ultimately fictional characters, but there's something of an underlying theme of the non-consent being the main driving point of the appeal of certain types of fanservice. Y'know, a woman's clothes tearing or someone falling on her breasts, or being caught in the middle of a shower or in her underwear. (It's almost always women, for the record.) It's not always this, fanservice comes in many forms, but when you usually think about it, it's mostly likely you think of the objectification of women.

The way that Bayonetta handles fanservice is more like... instead of the camera sexualizing Bayonetta, Bayonetta is the one grabbing the camera to look at her. She's constantly posing, dancing, teasing--just doing everything she wants to for the camera. Almost everything she does is of her own will, because she clearly finds it fun and humorous. There are only a couple of occasions where the camera does sexualize her without her consent, but I'm willing to let it slide because they were the setup for or outright goofs, with exaggerated camera zooms and cartoonish sound effects. (The only exception that does make me uncomfortable are the Joys. Just. Eugh.)

But this sexuality, this femininity, is integral to the identity of the games, as well as to Bayonetta herself. She's a beautiful, sexy woman, who not only flaunts but even weaponizes her sexuality in the most insane ways possible. You don't see that a lot with characters, least of all written as well as Bayonetta.

But her character doesn't stop at her beauty and sexuality. She went through a full character arc, with growing warmer with Cereza to the point where she sings to the girl when putting her to bed, to her learning more about her past and her role in the schemes of the villain, and then pushing past this predetermined plan in order to protect the world and the people she cares about. She's witty, clever, sly, has a quick and skillful trigger finger, and can adapt to changes in her environment very quickly in order to rid of her enemies.

But she's not just stylish and awesome and whatnot. She can also mess up and make mistakes, such as her amazing expression when she accidentally crushes Enzo's car in the beginning of 1, or when she tries to blow up one of the virtues in a cool way by lighting a trail of gasoline with her gun-heel, while looking away, and it's all super cool--until the spark dies halfway through, and Bayonetta just ends up. Standing there. And she just groans and shoots the tank of gasoline normally. Or when she tries to do a cool maneuver using Loki's cards to teach him a lesson but they just fall to the ground useless. It's these moments of goofiness that really give Bayonetta a humanity to her, that shows she's not infallible or perfect, but can be just as silly as the rest of us. A personal favorite is when she goes to retrieve Cereza's doll Cheshire from one of the Virtues, and she holds it up to her ear as though it's talking to her. Like, no one is around but her, and yet she's doing something that a mom would do with her kid's toys. It's such a small thing but also very sweet--especially when Bayonetta returns the doll with a band-aid over its eye. That's such a motherly thing to do, especially when kids often see their toys as living beings.

It's with Cereza especially that a lot of Bayonetta's softer side begins to show, with her affectionately calling Cereza "little one", becoming increasingly worried when she appears to be in danger, going out of her way to do things for her--eventually culminating in her putting Cereza to bed, telling her that the nightmare is over, and that she's a strong girl. When I was typing up the script, I was starting to choke up just thinking about that scene, because it's just such a strong scene. The fondness for kids transfers to Loki as well, with her taking to him as some endearing teenage son almost, with her being legitimately worried that he might be hurt or even killed, and seems genuinely upset when he was just playing dead.

Jeanne, too, is the subject of Bayonetta's softer side. Hell, the entire plot of 2 is Bayonetta defying death itself in order to save Jeanne's soul and bring her back. The scene where Bayonetta calls for Jeanne, and actually fucking begs her to wake up, is heartbreaking. Jeanne is Bayonetta's closest confidant, with the two actually living together post-1. They're best friends, they're treasured companions, and they have a domestic life together. They were planning a Christmas party at the beginning of 2.

As well, Bayonetta's demeanor can shift to very serious when the situation calls for it, such as her genuine fury when she thinks Balder has killed Luka. Bayonetta may not say it outright, but she clearly cares a lot for the people around her, being willing to risk life and limb to protect them. Another quick thing I want to mention--whenever Luka accuses Bayonetta of killing his father (she didn't, by the way, long story), Bayonetta, unable to actually recall what happened that day, looks actually rather downcast and troubled. She actually seems to think that she might have killed Luka's father, and looks quite upset at the thought. As much as Bayonetta would like to depict herself as infallible, she cares so much, and that care is a driving force behind the games.

I stress a lot about Bayonetta's character because I think it's a core aspect of the games. The games would not be the same without Bayonetta. Bayonetta's character is baked into everything--the visuals of bleeding rose petals and butterfly shadows and a lock-on of lipstick, into the elegant and joyous lounge music, to the plot and backstories revolving around Bayonetta's past and her roles in previous events. Bayonetta herself is the core of the games. I think she's probably the biggest appeal, because her character shapes the rest of the game aspects. It just wouldn't be a Bayonetta game without Bayonetta and all of the beautiful aesthetics and unique gameplay and creative ways of torturing and killing angels that she brings.

...

So then there's Bayonetta 3.

Bayonetta 3 is... I think the perfect 'fuck you' that you could ever give a fan of a series. Bayonetta 3 spits in your face and demands that you praise it.

I want you to imagine this. It's 2017. You're watching the Game Awards for some reason. And then, a specific teaser shows up, revealing that Bayonetta 3 is in development. It's been three years since the release of 2, so you're pretty hyped about it.

And then you hear nothing about it for years.

The most that you see is a couple articles with quotes from devs that development is "going well" in 2019, but even then, you still hear nothing about it. No trailers, no teasers, no images, not even leaks, to my knowledge. Just absolutely nothing. Games take a long time to develop, sure, but usually there's teaser images or such in order to keep the game in the collective consciousness of gamers.

Cut to the Nintendo Direct of 2021, where a trailer for something begins to play. And after a while you realize Holy shit it's Bayonetta 3 oh my god this looks amazing holy shit what the fuck.

(Pour one out for Astral Chain fans, by the way.)

So now you finally have a new trailer, you have something to show that this game is tangible and real and happening. Later trailers reveal the release date: October 28th, 2022. Exactly a year ago from today assuming that I manage to get this done on time.

There was also the, uh... controversy, but I'm not getting into that today. There's plenty of coverage on the Helena Taylor thing, and I'm not really talking about the controversies surrounding the game as I am about the game itself. The only thing I'll say is: Fuck TERFs, Bayonetta says Trans Rights.

Release day comes without a hitch, and what you get is... hoogh. Okay where do I start.

Lemme start with the things I like about the game, because I don't hate it, and it mechanically isn't a bad game.

Jeanne hands-down has the best segments in the game. Like mechanically they're not the beeeest, but the amount of fun that they have with it is great. These segments follow Jeanne as you break into a top-secret facility, complete with a spy intro (that does unfortunately play in its entirety at the beginning of each segment with no option to skip) and kickass music. It's absolutely absurd and I love it, because Jeanne is so into the spy shit. She has one-liners to herself, if she gets smushed by an elevator she does the cartoonish thing where she gets flattened and flies about like paper, it's just really good. (There's a thing where a homunculus can go into a shower while she's showering and she kills it which is kinda weird but still pretty in-line with a Bayo game so.) Especially since we actually get to hear her basically do a magical girl speech and transformation into Cutie J, her actual genuine superhero alter ego, and get to play as her as an invincibility power. It's genuinely an extremely characterized segment and is a delight to go through. Jeanne is a loser and that's so important to me. She breakdances after killing an enemy.

Rodin's gimmick this time is great. The pizza truck is just. Perfection. He's as cool as ever when he's not. Y'know. Being a dick to Enzo after Enzo seemingly loses his wife and family that he seems to love very much. (I'm gonna get to that.)

Viola is hands-down the best character, she's such a try hard who's doing her goddamn best and her VA really put her all into the role. It's almost over-acted, which seems to be intentional, as Viola is very expressive with her hands and body as she talks. She's also a complete loser and I think we need more failgirls in media. I just wish that the narrative didn't fuck her over at every turn.

The gameplay's pretty solid, with the demon summoning being pretty fun. It's a shame that torture attacks aren't as common and only can be used when an enemy is stunned, but I also do appreciate how they don't stop the gameplay or force you to do button-mashing in order to execute them when they *do* appear. It keeps the flow going and is just overall a nice fix. The combat still feels good, the level-ups are a tad strange since in previous games boosts to health and magic were automatic but it's not that big of a deal. The new forms are also fun, and even if the spider is a little hard to control, I still absolutely loved being able to just swing across the whole map.

The music is absolutely great as per usual, though--okay I need to have a sidebar about Moonlight Serenade real quick. I know this is the section where I talk about what I like but I just - I need you to understand my vision.

So. I don't like Moonlight Serenade that much. BUT IT'S FOR SUCH A SPECIFIC REASON. The song never feels like it has a proper conclusion. Like - ok I might be wrong abt this because I know shit about fuck when it comes to music theory but if you listen to the chorus of "fly me to the moon" and "moon river", you feel like that is a complete phrase, right? Like the buildup happens, and then the last line of the chorus sounds like a satisfactory end to that part.

Like the song could stop there and it wouldn't leave you musically hanging, it's called a cadence i believe. But moonlight serenade doesn't have that. It doesn't have that musical conclusion and thus constantly feels incomplete, it feels like I'm waiting for smth that never comes and it makes it annoying to listen to. Which is weird, because in the Frank Sinatra version that they use in the credits, the song does eventually have a cadence at the very end, so it's not like the song just can't be performed that way! Just - here's the ends to the three main themes put together.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND.

It's such a small and niche thing to be upset over, I know, but it just drives me insane. Moonlight Serenade is like your brain building up an itch that it never scratches.

Regardless--the music is still really good, as always for a Bayonetta game. Always with the upbeat jazzy tracks, and Viola's theme "Ghost" absolutely fucks. Also Phenomenal Uncertainty may or may not have made me cry the first time I heard it.

In terms of graphics, the game is, for the most part, very pretty! The particle effects are gorgeous, the animation of human bodies in the teal goo that create the Homunculi is really cool, and gives a brilliant hint as to what the Homunculi actually are before you learn it in-story. I also really like the stained-glass thing motif they have going on with anything fae related, it's really striking.

Something appreciated is also Naive Angel Mode, which actually is a setting you can turn on to censor things more. Things like gore and nudity are covered up or changed, which can allow for more people to feel comfortable playing it, because while nudity isn't something to be shamed... it can still be really embarrassing for people. Some of its censors are simple, like Bayonetta's butterfly form having covers over her breasts, or Bayonetta's outfit not being removed whenever she summons demons. Other changes are... Rodin's donut cigar and Bayonetta pulling a tomato out of her chest. There's arguments to be made one whether or not this is actually helpful as a censorship tool, especially since they don't censor out any swearing and the tomato thing is absolutely a scene killer... but it's also really fucking funny.

... Okay I think that's all I got. Anyway time for the bad.

I'm going to talk about a lot of miscellaneous things in succession, such as graphics and gameplay, in this section, while the story and especially the ending will get their own sections, because dear god.

Since I ended the last section with the visuals, let's start this section with them. The thing about Bayonetta 3 is that it's very... sweaty. If you look at Enzo and Luka, they just look... meaty. And I hate saying that. Those words make my bones itch. What's strange is that the previous games didn't look like that, which leads me to believe this is because of the idea of "next gen graphics" or whatever, trying to make it look more realistic, when instead it looks like meat.

The facial expressions can be a little dopey, and the mouth movements really don't fit the words being said most of the time. Granted, that's always been a thing, but considering that all cutscenes are animated this time rather than being mixed in with still slideshows of renders, it stands out more. Textures in certain areas look very flat, even when they shouldn't be, like the roses on the banner in the beginning--others are an insanely low resolution, like the cracked glass and concrete in Tokyo. These textures are directly next to things that are not low-resolution, which makes them stand out in the worst way.

As I mentioned with Naive Angel mode earlier, it does have things that could really ruin a dramatic scene for you, like the tomato thing. It's making fun of the people who use it by dampening their experience. Like, I don't think people are being prudish or something for not wanting to see such intense gore but still wanting to enjoy an experience. Because it's not like they can get gameplay like this anywhere else, Bayonetta's combat is very unique to itself. There's a lot of nuance and argument to be had over censorship laws, and Western (specifically America's) discomfort with nudity even artistically, whether this type of censorship is made to made it more marketable or more accessible or possibly both, whether it should even have it because it makes no secret that it's a mature rated game for a reason--there's a lot to be said about it, so I at least wanted to bring it up here. But also I can completely understand them adding something like this because, you know, Bayonetta was in fucking Smash Bros. That exposes her to a much wider age range, and probably has many more young people interested in her series.

Another thing related to this is the mockery of Easy Mode, and how no matter how well you do in a section, no matter if you have amazing combos and take no damage, you will never get a rank higher than clear. In the past, while some battles wouldn't appear on easier difficulties, you could still at least get higher than clear. This? Fucking sucks. Accessibility is really such an important thing in games, because listen: some people are physically incapable of playing video games as well as an abled person. Easier modes can help those who physically can't do what other modes demand of them. Some people want to get through a game quickly because they want to go through the story.

Also some people are just fucking bad at video games, man. I don't think we should punish them for that.

Easy Mode punishes the player for picking it by delegating them to the lowest rank possible. No matter what you do, unless you play the game on its terms, you'll never be good enough. This can really alienate a subset of the audience who were interested in playing it until they realized that the game was basically making fun of you for needing help. Which is stupid and gross and can we PLEASE stop doing this.

Wartrain Gouon was easily the worst of the demons by far. It's so hard to control and get it to the path you want due to the rigidity of its tracks. The clock tower was so non-memorable that I can't even remember what it does.

The demon sections suck. They just do. In concept riding Gomorrah down toppling skyscrapers is sick as fuck, but the controls are nightmarish. Same with Phantasmarae's section where you have to jump from building to building. You have too much momentum due to size, which makes controlling it really hard. Accurate to the size and speed of the creatures? Yes. Fun to play? NO.

The Sin Gomorrah fights are such bullshit. It's rock paper scissors. Bite beats shield, shield beats slam, slam beats bite. If you're still learning the movements of the enemy in order to figure out what they're doing and counter it before it hits you, or god forbid you press the button just a little too late, you get hit. And this fight is probably the slowest of anything I've ever seen. If you fuck up, you wait around 10 seconds in order to do it again. And you have to watch the fight move at the speed of moss in the meantime. It was actually painful to go through.

The others weren't awful. Madama Butterfly's section was okay, I had no idea how the fuck to control anything though. Baal's was the best by far, as it's a fun rhythm game that shakes up the gameplay but still feels at home in a Bayonetta title.

Okay - let's talk story. Finally.

Bayonetta 3's story is something that gets worse the longer you think about it. It's almost insulting how horrible the entire thing was, but especially the ending. Let's go through the plot quick. I'm gonna summarize most of this as a refresher for those who played it and a baseline for those who didn't. I'll be leaving out a lot of the details which I'll bring up later because I don't want this summary to be seventeen hours long.

The game opens up with a fight with Bayonetta as seen in the first game, albeit with her beauty mark in a different spot. Considering this game is about multiverses, we can safely assume this isn't the same Bayo from the first game. She's fighting against an exceptionally powerful foe, one who's shrouded in shadow and can manipulate the environment as though it were clay. We have a monologue overlaying the fight as per tradition, but instead of being Antonio or Luka, we hear a female voice, who we later learn is Viola. (This is kinda clever but it's cleverness based on a plot point that sucks but anyway.)

This foe manages to beat Bayonetta down as Viola talks about 'truth', another thing I'll get into later. She's doing very badly, and eventually gets almost crucified in rock. We then watch as Bayonetta is brutally murdered, and a girl named Viola is given the last 'world bridge.' The man who gives it to her is blown into chunks, and the girl manages to escape just as the shadowy figure tries to kill her.

And that's how it starts! Bayonetta fucking dies!

It doesn't get better from here.

We then cut to New York, where Bayonetta is bullying Enzo as per usual. She's apparently supposed to be meeting someone on a cruise liner, where she is eventually set upon by bizarre teal-and-silver enemies who cause a massive tsunami to head towards the city. These enemies begin to destroy everything and everyone without regard, seemingly trying to eradicate the entire area. Viola falls out of a portal from the sky into Enzo's car, Jeanne shows up with a cute little reference to her first appearance in Bayo 1, Rodin comes by, and eventually they all manage to escape to the Gates of Hell while the rest of the world above is seemingly erased. Unfortunately, Bayonetta wasn't strong enough to even put a dent in the massive army that appeared.

Rodin and Viola reveal that the strange creatures are Homunculi, manmade bioweapons that are actually part human. Their leader is named Singularity, and his ultimate goal appears to be to erase as many universes as possible to gather enough power to wipe out the Trinity of Realities in one go. We don't know why, we just know that he's trying to create something called the Alphaverse, which is essentially all the power of the universes pulled into one world. Viola has been trying to get through the worlds to collect Chaos Gears from other worlds, which if collected and given to a man named Sigurd, should be able to stop Singularity somehow. Jeanne goes off to find Sigurd, while Bayonetta and Viola go off to the Lumen-Umbra island of Thule, which was an ancient hub of study for the multiverse. Something of note is that Viola showcases her abilities to use Witch Time, as well as having a demon companion named Cheshire who remarkably resembles a doll and has pretty childlike behaviors. This will be important later.

The majority of the story is then spent going to different timelines and attempting to get the Chaos Gear from them, all while fighting the Homunculi. You visit Tokyo, Ancient China, Ancient Egypt, and France, and run into the various Bayonettas and Jeannes (and in one instance, Bayonetta's mother Rosa). Unfortunately, though Bayonetta obtains the Chaos Gears and some new weapons and demon companions, she is unable to save any of the worlds she goes to, and even has to mercy-kill one of her alternates when she gets assimilated into the Homunculi.

Jeanne, meanwhile, goes to rescue Dr. Sigurd, a man who's grafted technology to his skin and essentially lives within a test tube. As well, Bayonetta and Viola get set upon by a mysterious wolf creature who attacks them, and Luka shows up sometimes and does very little and then leaves.

So - I'm gonna just drop a lot of shit on you, because all of this is insane.

First of all fearies exist. No, there's been no evidence of their existence beforehand. They just do. Viola meets a variant of Luka named Lukaon who is a fae prince. Sure. Also that werewolf? It's Luka. It's because of something I'll explain later.

So when the crew has the Chaos Gears and Sigurd, Bayonetta and Viola go to the Alphaverse to face Singularity, while Jeanne stays behind to guard Sigurd. Turns out, however, that in the Alphaverse, the real Sigurd's corpse is hooked up to a machine, and the 'Sigurd' back with Jeanne is actually Singularity, who killed and replaced the original Sigurd. Singularity then kills Jeanne and absorbs her power as he had with all the previous Jeannes and Bayonettas, and traps Bayonetta and Viola in the Alphaverse while he makes a universe of his own creation.

Luka shows up to help them, and they escape to fight Singularity.

And thus begins the most laborious, horrible endings I have ever experienced in my undisclosed amount of years.

The fight with Singularity is, and I do not exaggerate, seven phases. Stage one is the rock-paper-scissors fight with Sin Gomorrah, two is against Singularity Balance, three is against the minibosses that Balance summons, four is a replica of the opening fight, five is a fight alongside the Bayonettas from 1 and 2, six is the fight when all the Bayonettas combine, and seven, finally, is alongside Luka in his werewolf form.

This shit takes forty minutes to an hour to get through, including cutscenes. It's during this marathon of repetition that we learn a few things: namely, that Viola is the daughter of an alternate Bayonetta and Luka. I'll get to that. Though Singularity was defeated, Bayonetta had pushed herself to her absolute limit, and her Umbran Watch had finally shattered. This leads to the summoned Gomorrah turning on her, her contract with it being up and Inferno going to collect. Viola, knocked unconscious, is starting to get sucked into a black hole that Singularity left behind, and Luka chooses to save his alternate daughter rather than Bayonetta. Bayonetta's soul is raked from her body, and the demons of Inferno start to drag her down. Luka manages to get himself over to Bayonetta, and holds her soul in his arms as the two of them essentially have a love confession. They reassure themselves that Viola will carry on their legacy, and share a kiss as they're pulled into Inferno. Viola cries out for them in heartbreak, before breaking down into a sobbing wreck.

We move to Viola out on a rock drifting in a black sea, unsure of where she is, before a shadow of Bayonetta appears with a Kraken demon that was actually summoned at the beginning but don't worry about it because it didn't matter. Viola then fights against the shadow of her mother, finally having control over her own Faerie powers as shown in a previous section. Before vanishing, Bayonetta tells Viola that this was her last lesson, and that she's grown so much, and 'perhaps the gift of a new name is in order.'

Cut back to New York, which is seemingly returned to normal. Viola, wearing a scarf and a pair of glasses, comes into the Gates of Hell where Rodin and Enzo are. Enzo's talking to his wife on the phone before leaving, implying that those in this universe have been restored. Based on Rodin's words, he's still in contact with Bayonetta and Luka in Inferno, and he's watching over Viola in the meantime. She takes a job from him, and Rodin mentions that he forgot to call her by the family name, "Bayonetta."

Viola stumbles over herself one last time before ushering in the credits with a pose.

... Alright fellas, grab your jaws off the floor and put your tits back on, let's tackle this nightmare.

The thing about Bayonetta 3 is that you just have no idea where to begin. There's so much fucking wrong with it that you really just can't figure out how to look at it right. It's like looking at a pile of glass that melted wrong.

The game's opening also sets a tone of despair and futility, because you play Bayonetta's last moments before being brutally murdered. If Bayonetta, two-time god killer, was beaten by this enemy without even a scratch on the opposing party, just how powerful are they? This is actually a pretty common trope, where in order to show how powerful a new foe is, they have them go up against a character that the audience knows is extremely powerful, and have them get absolutely trounced.

I suppose we'll start with some of the most glaring issues, such as the tone. The tone of Bayonetta 3 is much darker and more serious than that of the previous games, obvious from the moment you start up the game with the start menu looking like This. You have to press a button to get to the familiar logo, but even the logo is a bit edgier--almost literally, with the sharp cracked 3.

But the reason it doesn't work here is because this immediately places Singularity almost as overpowered. Like, Bayonetta was able to kill God. Twice. Albeit, this was with help, but she was still able to hold her own for a significant amount of time. To see this almost immediately gives the audience a feeling of dread, because if Bayonetta can't even land a scratch on this guy, who can?

Things don't get better as the story goes on. Out of the four timelines you go to visit, you save none of them. You get to watch as all of them are essentially eaten by the Homunculi. You get to watch as people die while fighting futily against the Homunculi. The Homunculi are hard-hitting, fast, and innumerable. There are just so many of them, and their units are massive. They're explicitly made to destroy. It is a massive spike in the stakes from the previous two games. It's like if Jubileus had been summoned at the beginning of Bayonetta 1 rather than at the end, or if Aesir had reformed at the beginning of 2. With the Homuculi, it doesn't matter how many you fight. They can regenerate, they can reform, and their most destructive units are about as big as a fucking city. And you don't make a dent in them, no matter what you do. The worlds are gone. The Bayonettas are dead. You can't save any of them.

And by the end, your own Jeanne is dead, and Bayonetta is dead. We don't hear anything about the other worlds. While the other Bayos' and Jeannes' souls are released during the final fight with Singularity, they don't appear to be fully there. They're translucent and glitchy, and they all disappear upon being hit once. Jeanne even reappears to help for a moment before also disappearing again. We never hear anything about Jeanne ever again, by the way. She's just killed in the most anticlimactic way possible, shows up for a second, and then disappears without another word. And we don't know what happened with the other worlds! We have no reason to think that they were returned to normal! And yet, Bayonetta still gets to be around, albeit indirectly. This really just gives the entire game a feeling of "why should I even bother, it's not going to do anything anyway." For all the talk of hope and truth the game spews, the ending is pretty fucking bleak.

On top of that, the majority of the game you just... watch people die. They're not angels, they're not demons, they're regular human beings fighting a war they have no chance of winning, no matter how hard they try. And watching swathes of human beings get wiped out is a much different experience than just watching angels or demons. It makes the entire thing feel just so dark. Because, again, we have no reason to believe that any of these worlds were restored. Singularity makes an off-hand comment about how the Bayonettas fighting back is 'reversing' what he's done, but immediately after one of the Bayos says how they're 'the only ones who made it this far' so like. Which is it?

The darker tone is conveyed through the visuals, also. Everything in this game feels... really desaturated. Like, the past games were bright and vibrant and colorful, but this game feels really gray, no doubt helped by the constant presence of the matter-eating fog.

Bayonetta games are no stranger to more serious topics and scenes, but they still had a ton of levity and fun between it all. There really isn't much of that at all in this game. It's just bleakness after bleakness with a lot of cool visuals thrown into the mix. Which like, yeah, surfing on Gomorrah is cool in concept, but Bayonetta never looks like she's having any fun. She looks so serious and angry half the time. One of the main appeals about Bayonetta as a character is how much fun she has, whether it's dancing or performing acrobatics or torturing angels. But while we get plenty of one-liners from her, it never looks like she's having the good time she usually has. And you could argue that it's because the tone of the plot is what causes her to be more serious, but I personally see that as a cue to lighten the story up a little. The only exception to this is the France level, because while I think randomly adding assimilation to the Homunculi's abilities is bullshit--the Homunculi taking over the French army and making them dance is the kind of shit I expected from the whole game. That was golden.

On the subject of Bayonetta's character, it really feels like they just stripped her of it all and gave her some facsimile of what it used to be. I mentioned earlier about her silliness and her mistakes and her moments of softness with others, but all of that is just devoid from 3 in favor of making Bayonetta this constantly cool, infallible person. She has apparent soft scenes with Luka, but I'll get to that whole thing in a bit. Just know that it's completely unearned. There isn't a moment where she has moments of willing vulnerability with anyone, especially Viola, who you think would be the most important person she would have that with. Instead, she's constantly undermining Viola's agency, insulting her and belittling her, and just never grows close to her like she did with Cereza or Loki. I think the game thinks that Bayonetta being Viola's blood mother means that they automatically have a connection, but--no. That sucks. Fuck off.

The argument can be made of, "Oh this is clearly a different Bayonetta than before! It's normal that she'd act a little different!" And considering that 3's Bayonetta isn't familiar with Phantasmarae, who 1's Bayo had summoned back in the first game, it's safe to assume that it isn't the same one. In fact it's implied that this is a grown-up Cereza from game 1, with the same braids, the younger version of Bayonetta looking almost exactly like Cereza if just a bit older, 1's Bayo telling her "you didn't cry while I was gone, did you?" All of that implies this is the Cereza we've seen from a changed timeline. But this isn't properly conveyed to the audience until the very end where 1 and 2 evidently take place in different timelines (don't worry about it). And even then, if it is because of a character difference, that still doesn't correct the tonal issue or the problems with how she treats Viola versus what the game says their relationship is.

And while talking about Bayonetta... we can't put off The Big Thing™ any longer. So let's talk about Adam and Eve.

Bayonetta makes no secret of its inspirations from Christianity and Judaism. The idea of angels, heaven, hell, demons, and especially the hierarchy of angels inspired by the Jewish hierarchy. But the thing about Bayonetta is that the series has only ever made one reference to the Christian god, that being at the very beginning of 1, where Bayonetta is reading scripture in order to summon angels. But the angels don't serve the Christian god, they serve Paradiso and Jubileus. The actual creation of the world and the Trinity of Realities has nothing to do with Christianity, it has to do with Aesir, Jubileus, and presumably Queen Sheba.

But Singularity refers to Arch-Eves and Arch-Adams, which across all universes are Bayonetta and Luka. Implying some cosmic force brings them together romantically.

I honestly feel like I don't even need to explain why this sucks, but I will anyway.

Most folks know the story of Adam and Eve. First man and woman, the Garden of Eden, the temptation of the snake, the Tree of Knowledge, and disobedience leading to eternal sin (at least according to Christian texts). But in Bayo 3, the only relation to the actual story that Bayo and Luka have are just... they're a man and a woman. So obviously they end up together. At most, maybe it's referring to Singularity trying to play God and Bayonetta and Luka defying him... but the analogy doesn't entirely work because Singularity isn't God, and there are also non-gendered characters from the Bible that could have been used.

The Arch-Eves refer to the one person within a world that's keeping it all together; if Singularity kills them and absorbs their power, then that universe will start to collapse. I don't think the same applies to the Arch-Adams so I don't even know why they're here. The idea that Bayonetta is, in every universe, the most important person, is dumb. It really is. Bayonetta is powerful. She is the holder of the Left Eye of the World. She's saved the world twice over. But she's still just another person--hell, the second game makes a point to stress that she's still part human. That's part of what makes her so strong--because she has humanity. But the idea of Arch-Eves really just... makes her this cosmic protagonist who's the most important person in all the worlds who are literally the only thing holding them all together. Why? Never explained! You just have to accept it!

Lukas across the worlds being Arch-Adams is also dumb. Literally why. Also speaking of Luka, he has faerie blood for some reason! Also there are faeries but I'll get to that! That's why he can transform into a werewolf, because all of the residual energy from the dead Arch-Adams awakened his faerie powers.

God this game fucking sucks dude.

(Sidebar, I read this section out to my fiancee who only knows the plot of Bayo 1, explicitly because I thought it would be funny, and he genuinely did not believe I was telling him the truth. He looked at me and said that he thinks I made this up to fuck with him. Also he said that Lukaon looks like a Genshin character.)

So. I feel like I don't need to say this, but Bayonetta and Luka getting together is fucking stupid.

While this is a different version of Bayonetta than the previous games, the romance hinges on the interactions the two had in the previous games, 1 especially. But if this is a different Bayonetta, then this is essentially the first time we're seeing these two specific characters interact. Which honestly makes it worse. The two of them barely have any screentime with each other, leaving their chemistry about as basic as fucking bleach. Sure, they flirt with each other, but players are primed by past games to know that Bayonetta doesn't really mean it, and mostly just does it to tease and fluster Luka. So it becomes very strange when it turns out yes, actually, she does mean it! Don't worry about why!

To see the two of them essentially confess their love for each other and kiss as they're dragged into Inferno feels so undeserved because their entire relationship was so underdeveloped it was like a sandlot. Just - completely barren. It just feels so unnecessary in a series like this. When I said earlier that Bayonetta was about love, I didn't mean making the female protagonist and a male character of mild importance kiss like Barbie dolls because they're within the same proximity. Luka was barely in the previous game, so him gaining such a huge role feels strange and almost undeserved, because in terms of the actual plot, he doesn't do anything. He just turns into a werewolf to be a couple boss fights. And I still don't understand what the point of the werewolf and faerie shit is! The faerie stuff I think was solely to set up Origins, because to my knowledge, nothing in the previous games even alluded to such a thing.

I'd also like to bring up, ah... a certain thing about the relationship, assuming that this is the same Cereza from 1. Now I want to say that I don't think it's problematic or whatever, they're both consenting adults so it's whatever, but... It's still really weird how Bayonetta ends up with the alternate version of a man that she knew when she was 6, who has the same name, face, and mannerisms as that man, and who calls her the same nickname that the other Luka had called her child self. It's not pedophilic by any stretch, but it just leaves the slightest bad aftertaste in your mouth, like eating day-old olives.

That brings us to a big point of contention with the game: Viola. Now I personally like Viola a lot, I think her character is funny and a perfect encapsulation of a try-hard teenager trying to establish herself. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people who find her 'annoying' would think she's endearing if she were a male character. People just really can't handle teenage girls having flaws. But Viola gets the short end of the stick so fucking bad in the game. One, she's constantly the punching bag, both narratively and comedically. Some of the stuff is pretty funny, like Bayonetta landing in a cool pose as Viola and her demon companion Cheshire crash into the ground immediately next to her. Others seem to be unnecessary, such as her ass setting on fire and having to control her as she cartoonishly runs into the nearest body of water, or her getting dehydrated in the desert and having to scavenge for water as Cheshire (yes that actually happens). And some are just cruel, like her constantly losing every time she tries to fight.

Viola just isn't allowed to win. She's not allowed to even have a moment of looking cool, she's not allowed to fight bosses on her own despite her clear strength and power, she's not allowed to have a lick of respect from anyone, let alone her own mother Bayonetta. No matter how many times she tells her her name, Bayonetta never uses it until the very end when she's dying or already dead. And immediately after doing so, she instead gives her a new name, her old name. To paraphrase my dear friend Simon, "Viola sucks. You suck. You know who doesn't suck? Bayonetta. You're her now."

No matter how many times she spells out her name, no one listens. The only fight she wins on her own is the very last one, where she's stripped of the identity that she's fought so hard to establish by being forced into the shadow of her parents. She doesn't even get a moment to help during the final boss fight. I honestly feel like I need to stress this point: the secondary player character of this game doesn't even get to help you during the final boss fight. The moment she tries, and the moment her theme starts up, Singularity just tosses her aside, and that's it. She's done. Fuck you for trying, Viola.

It's honestly sad to see a character with such interesting potential as Viola be constantly fucked over by the narrative because they made her the designated punching bag. This might be an unpopular opinion, but I don't... hate the idea of Viola being the daughter of an alternate Bayonetta. Not with Luka, god no, but just in general. Maybe biological, maybe adopted. It feels like something of a natural progression of the motherly themes in the previous games, if Bayonetta had acted like a mother to this child at all throughout the game. But I can see some version of Bayonetta finding this child out on her own, because her parents had been killed or something, and maybe there was something supernatural about her. I can see that version of Bayonetta realizing that this child has no one, and mortals weren't going to understand how to care for a child like that. So, that version of Bayonetta took Viola in as her own, maybe raising her alongside Jeanne and Rodin while passing down the Umbran Arts to Viola as a way to keep Viola safe and to keep the Umbra alive. But when Viola's home dimension is destroyed and her mother is gone, she goes to 3's Bayonetta and struggles to accept that this is technically a stranger, even as this Bayonetta starts to become fond of her and act much like her own mother. Especially if this is actually Cereza from 1, then she can return the kindness that her own 'mummy' had given to her when she was displaced.

But that would mean that Bayonetta wouldn't get to kiss Luka and we simply can't live without that.

I want to touch briefly on another point of contention surrounding this aspect of the game, and I don't want to get too into it, but I would be remiss to not mention it. A lot of people were upset that Bayonetta ended up with Luka and not Jeanne, saying that it was queer erasure or queerbaiting, making Bayonetta "straight." There's... honestly actually a lot to talk about here.

For those unaware, 'queerbaiting' is defined as "a marketing technique involving intentional homoeroticism or suggestions of LGBTQ+ themes intended to draw in an LGBTQ+ audience, without explicit inclusion of openly LGBTQ+ relationships, characters, or people." Dean and Castiel of Supernatural are an example of queerbaiting I don't care what the finale says. Sherlock and Watson from BBC's Sherlock are an example of queerbaiting. These pairings were constantly teased and hinted at throughout their shows' runtimes, with people in-show talking about how they're obviously in love with each other and them showing their devotion for each other--but don't worry, they're not gay.

Note that this is different from queercoding, which is when the authors intentionally put queer subtext into a character or work as a whole, but can't confirm anything in-story due to demands of producers, publishers, or society at large. A big reason for queercoding starting in the US was the Hayes Code, which in essence banned anything considered 'immoral', which queer people were at the time.

Homophobia aside, it's hard to say whether or not Bayonetta and Jeanne are queerbaiting, queercoded, or just have a close connection that fans like to interpret as romantic. Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely think Bayonetta is queer--Bayonetta is asexual and I will die on this hill--but I honestly couldn't parse whether or not any subtext between the two was intentional. Kamiya has only referred to Bayo and Jeanne as a couple in the sense of a pair, not a romantic couple, and some nude art was made by the character designer Mari Shimazaki more for artistic nudity rather than erotic nudity. As a queer woman myself, I personally don't see either queerbaiting or queercoding. I think that any potential queer readings are just that: readings. I don't think any of it was intentional.

Also people attracted to both men and women exist people for fuck's sake.

A quick aside to talk about faeries. I literally don't know why they're here. I don't know why they exist in this game if not to set up Origins, and I don't know why they exist in there, either. It's such a strange choice to make when nothing at all in the past games has set up the existence of the fae. We barely learn anything about them, and outside of being power-ups for Luka and Viola, they're essentially non-entities. They didn't need to exist and I don't know why they do.

Now let's talk about one of the worst aspects of the game: the villain, Singularity. If your villain sucks, I think that's a massive blow to your game, and Singularity is probably one of the worst villains I've ever seen. His existence in the Bayonetta world just... doesn't make any sense. Did you know he was an artificial human, essentially a computer program that became self-aware and then murdered every single human in his world? No? You shouldn't, because it's ONLY AVAILABLE IN THE SUPPLEMENTARY MATERIAL.

The thing about past games, and hell even games in general, is that you don't want to leave crucial bits of information hidden away in the files for your players to go find and read. In the previous games, it was all supplemental; it was notes on the structures and customs of the Umbra and Lumen, about magic and potion-making and architecture. It was all stuff that would have bloated the narrative if they were put into the gameplay proper, but are fun reads for those who want to get a little more information on them.

But that piece of information? That's Singularity's origin story. We shouldn't have to read the manual to get a key piece of character information.

Especially since, we still don't know why he's doing all of this. Balder was trying to resurrect Jubileus because he was a religious zealot driven insane by the soul of Loptr inside of him. Loptr wanted to become whole again and was literally an evil side of a god who wanted to return to the power he had before. The younger Balder wanted vengeance for his slain lover. All of this was present and available in the story, giving you an understanding of who these people are and what they're doing here.

Singularity... I genuinely don't know. He became aware of the multiverse and decided to destroy it to consolidate the power of all the worlds into one in order to "impose his single truth" over it. I don't know what the fuck that means, and I'll get to the whole 'truth' thing later. Singularity is a nothing villain. He has no substantial motivation behind his actions. His existence as a creation of humans, of modern humans at that, also feels completely out of place in a game series focused on the divine. There's nothing divine in nature about the Homunculi. They're all technologically based in hierarchy, design, and origin, and it really stands out against the angels and demons.

You wanna know how to fix this? Just make Singularity trying to become a god. Maybe being an artificial human, he thought he had a chance of ruling over the World of Chaos as a manmade god. Maybe he was intentionally made to do that! Then it would explain why the Homunculi look like that, they're trying to mimic angels!

But that's not what happened. Instead we get computers I guess.

Also I'd argue this game plays into the evil disabled person trope since Singularity-as-Sigurd is in a mobility aid that is basically an electric wheelchair so thanks for that, game.

Sidenote, something that bothers me about this is that, like... the demons and angels are fucking nowhere to be seen. Their planes of realities are also at risk here, and yet angels only show up in optional fights that you really have to go out of your way to find. I don't think any demon enemies show up at all besides the summoned Kraken. You'd think that like, something interesting would be that the angels and demons have to actually work together in order to protect themselves and their own realities, but they're just fucking off and letting Singularity take ove the multiverse, even though it's explicitly stated that he's trying to wipe out the entire Trinity of Realities.

Let's move on to the ending, mostly from a gameplay perspective. The ending sucks. It's one of the worst things I've ever experienced. Namely, because it's too long and is the same shit over and over again. As I mentioned before, Singularity's fight has seven stages. That is absurdly long, even by Bayonetta standards. And at the very least, past final bosses have been broken up with unique gameplay, enemies, and environments.

For example, in 1, you play as Jeanne as she motorbikes up a rocket and eventually runs up it in order to get to Bayonetta. Then, as Jubileus is almost resurrected, you fight her in a giant space sphere while she constantly throws galaxies at you, completely shifts the environment, and transforms you into a helpless child. Then, you have a stage where you combat Jubileus face-to-face, capping it off with summoning essentially what seems to be the Queen of Inferno herself, Queen Sheba, to take care of Jubileus. Then, there's a short segment where you fly Jubileus' soul into the sun. And finally, you destroy the pieces of Jubileus' body before they plummet to Earth. That's still long, mind you, don't get me wrong. But the segments vary in length and style. There's a stage where you need to reach a goal in time, there's fighting, there's that segment where you have to avoid hitting all the planets in the solar system until you knock Jubileus into the sun, and then there's a segment where you have to destroy everything before time runs out.

Outside of the first stage of Singularity's boss fight, it's just the same shit over and over and over again. There's another Sin Gomorrah fight which is again just rock-paper-scissors, and also to be perfectly honest it's pretty cheap to do the same trick with Sin Gomorrah again when past games have had some twist on it, or at least something unique to summon. Instead it's basically just the exact same fight as when you used Sin Gomorrah the first time. No changes, nothing to adapt to, nothing unique to this boss. It's the exact same.

Then you move into space, which admittedly is pretty neat even if it's not entirely new ground, and you fight Singularity in face-to-face combat on the moon. Pretty basic. Then he summons minibosses for you to fight, or at least strong enemies with big health bars. Again, really basic. There's nothing here that's making it stand out. There's no explosive kind of finale, it's just really boring. It's just whittling down one giant health bar after another with nothing new to differentiate the fights.

And then you watch a cutscene where all of the Bayonettas that Singularity had absorbed into himself are released, and they help our Bayonetta in kicking the shit out of Singularity. Which is fun to see, sure, but it's just a cutscene. You don't get to play as any of these Bayonettas. You only watch as the cool and unique thing happens on screen. And then it just immediately ends when Singularity wipes them all away. And then Jeanne shows up, and maybe you think that you're going to play as Bayonetta fighting alongside Jeanne again! But it's still just a cutscene! The next time you actually take control of Bayonetta, it's in a one-to-one recreation of the opening fight.

The next two sections are honestly the best part of the fight and I mean that completely unironically. These are the sections where 1 and 2's Bayonettas appear, and then they combine into one. Does it make any sense that 1 and 2 are different Bayonettas when the story makes it clear that they're the same person? Nope! Does it make sense that they just combine? No! But I don't care this fucking rules!

There's something called Rule of Cool, which is basically 'this doesn't make sense and shouldn't work, but it's really cool, so it's whatever.' It's a type of suspension of disbelief that prioritizes fun and fantasy over logic. Bayonetta games thrive on this concept, where no, it shouldn't make sense that Bayonetta should be able to talk to an Angel in the middle of a tornado, or headbutt a building, but we don't care, because it's fucking cool.

But then it just keeps going. And then the absolute final phase is... alongside werewolf Luka. Which just feels so fucking hollow in comparison to the weight that the previous sections had. That's a big issue with this ending, there are so many points where it felt like it could have ended that it just became a cycle of 'what do you mean there's more?!'

You'd think that the section with all the Bayos would be the final one, maybe you'd get to play as all of them in succession in order to round out the story, it was supposedly all about their timelines after all, and get some personal revenge on Singularity while having your mastery over the various weapons and demons tested. But it keeps going. Then with Jeanne you might think, 'oh, it'll be a parallel to 1 where you work with Jeanne to beat the final boss.' But it keeps going. Then you might think, 'oh, this is a recreation of the beginning, but Bayo's probably going to pull through when her other counterpart couldn't!' But it keeps going. Then you get to the section where the other Bayos appear and they combine, and you think, 'okay this HAS to be the ending, it's a perfect place to end both the battle and Bayonetta's story, by playing as all three at once.' But it KEEPS. GOING.

Every time the ending keeps going it cheapens the sections that came before it. There were so many points where it could have, and should have, stopped, and it instead ended on just the lamest final fight. There's nothing unique about the fight alongside werewolf Luka except that you're fighting with werewolf Luka. You don't even summon anything new; you just summon Gomorrah to finish off Singularity. You could argue that they needed to set up Bayonetta's death and Gomorrah turning on her when her contract is up, but there are other ways they could have done that and still had the explosive finishers the other games had. The game is prioritizing its story over the legacy of its series.

Some of you might be tired of me comparing 3 to 1 and 2, and I can understand where you're coming from. A game should be able to stand on its own without constant comparison to its predecessors. But the thing about Bayonetta is that it's a trilogy now. I'm not saying that 'oh, this sequel is different from the first game, therefore it sucks.' I'm trying to say that this game goes back on the pattern set up in the previous two games and suffers immensely for it. Comparisons to the first two titles are inevitable when talking about something like this, especially because Bayonetta is known for its campy, explosive gameplay. It's known for pulling out all the stops. And for this to be the end of Bayonetta as a character? It's a massive disservice. I'd say it's downright disrespectful. Not just to Bayonetta herself, but to the fans who waited years for this game.

I think the worst thing about this game is... okay, this isn't my original criticism, I saw glanced at it at like, one of those chapter sections on a Youtube video that I didn't watch but saw in the search results looking for something else, and for the life of me I cannot find its original source. If I do, I'll link it in my source section, but I saw this and it really made things click for me. This is not a game about Bayonetta. This is not a game about her, her family, her struggles, her clan, her background. This is a game about a cosmic protagonist meeting other versions of herself while wearing Bayonetta's face. The Umbra and Lumen are mentioned like. Once. All the way at the beginning, where their island of Thule is a hub for multiverse travel. But the thing is... you could completely take out all of the Umbra stuff, all of the very unique lore that Bayonetta has, and nothing would change, because this isn't a story about Bayonetta.

Singularity has no relation to the Umbra or Lumen. The angels and demons barely show up. Inferno and Paradiso and even Purgatorio aren't important. As much as I love Viola, she does feel less like a Bayonetta character and more like a Devil May Cry character. (I think someone really wanted to make their own DMC5.) You could take out the backstory of the witches and the Trinity of Realities and even of the past two games and I don't think anything would change. Because it doesn't matter. Because this is not a game about Bayonetta.

I feel so much about this game, because it could have been something great. But at best, it was a massive disappointment. At worst, it's a game that spits in the face of its fans and destroys the legacy of what came before it. It's like the writers lost sight of what made Bayonetta games so appealing, and instead what we get is an empty echo pulling itself along while reapplying its lipstick.

I haven't played Origins. Unless someone like. Pays me, I don't have any plans to. I haven't heard anyone talk about it. It's like 3 singlehandedly killed any hype for the franchise. I'm sure there will be more games, 3 set up a sequel with Viola, but I have my doubts that it'll even be in the public consciousness for more than a minute. And that's really fucking sad.

So... what can actually be learned from all of this? It's one thing to rail on something, it's another to actually take something away from it. I suppose the best I have is: if you're making something--a book, movie, game, etc.--make sure you understand the core of your characters. Understand what drives the narrative and how they weave into it. Understand their multifaceted natures and how certain character traits manifest when they're interacting with the environment and with other characters. Understand what makes your story unique, what its themes are and how they're presented in the work.

And always remember: if you're ever worried about the quality of your story, especially the ending, know that it can't be more insulting than Bayonetta 3's.

[Sources here because Tumblr won't let me post this many links.]

#bayonetta #bayonetta 3 #video games #video game essay #media analysis #media criticism

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