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impala-dreamer · 8 years ago

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Going To The Chapel

SPN FanFic

~The happiest day of your life, sometimes... isn’t. Can Dean and Y/N get passed their issues and find their way to happily ever after?~

Dean x Reader, Sam

8,021 Words (and I stand by each and every one)

Warnings: Flangst! Fluff! Angst! Smushed together! Mentions of adult activities, nothing major. Bit O’Blood. Talk of murders, SPN style. Really this is probably my most PG fic ever...

A/N: I Don’t Even Know. Big thank you to the Man in Black, Mr. Johnny Cash, for his musical inspiration. If you’re curious why... “It Ain’t Me, Babe”

~Feedback is the Crack that keeps the Writing coming back~

My Masterlist

Dean stood before the mirror fidgeting with his bowtie. No matter which way he pulled the black silk, it never seemed to be straight. Maybe it’s not the tie, he figured finally, and set to twisting the rest of his tuxedo, trying to make all the lines parallel and the lapels lay flat.

He took a step back and looked himself over, giving his reflection a tight smirk before flying right back to the damn bowtie.

“What the hell with this thing?” he groaned and pulled at the knot, becoming more agitated with each passing second.

“Maybe your head is crooked.”

Sam’s blurry visage appeared in the mirror, and Dean shot him a quick glance before refocusing on his task.

“Shut up.”

Sam chuckled and threw his hands up in surrender. “Hey, just sayin’.”

In a huff, Dean turned around, giving up on the tie. If it was determined to be crooked, who was he to argue?

Dean ran his right hand down the opposite arm, smoothing out the black jacket and tugging at the cuff. He sucked in a nervous breath and looked over at his brother for final approval, raising an eyebrow.

“You look great, Dean. She’ll love it.” Sam smiled and stepped forward, nodding at his brother. Sam wore a dark gray suit, nothing as fancy as Dean’s tux, but it was clean and tailored and fit the occasion nicely. “Just one thing.” Sam held up one finger, begging Dean’s pateince as he plucked a pink carnation from the vase on the side table by the door and tucked it into Dean’s lapel. After a pat on the shoulder, Sam grinned down at his big brother. “You ready?”

“Uh…” Dean swallowed hard, suddenly attacked by nerves and uncertainty. “Is this… uh… I mean… Maybe this is a bad idea.”

Sam quickly shook his head and gripped Dean’s left shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “It’s not. Just relax, OK? Everything will be fine.”

Dean cleared his throat and squared his shoulders, trying to get back into the spirit of things. “Yeah, OK.”

Aphrodite’s Chapel was well known in Reno for marriages on the fly. It took only fifteen minutes and a photo ID to obtain a marriage license and then a mere $85 later, couples could walk off and start their lives together in wedded bliss. The exterior was a plain brick building with a bright pink awning atop double glass doors, but inside was a world unto itself. There were three themed chapels, each with their own unique decor that made no sense together when you put them all under the same roof. The Garden Room was literally an indoor garden filled with fake ivy and plants that the Earth’s climate would never allow to grow together in any place, and a water feature that took up half a wall. The Lonesome Dove had been Dean’s choice, but he was sadly denied. The room was made to look like an old Western saloon, complete with wood paneled walls and a carriage wheel set up to act as an altar. The walls were festooned with black and white photocopied pictures of cowboys and wide open plains, and horseshoes hung on rusty nails every few feet.

But it was into The Archangel Chapel that Sam lead Dean, practically pulling him by the arm up to the tacky altar and handing him off to the minister. The Chapel was unlike anything Dean had ever seen. The walls were draped in pale pink crushed velvet that hung from antique gold sconces. White plastic chairs were set up in rows of three bordering a white carpet aisle that had been scattered with pink fabric rose petals. Giant vases of pink and white flowers lined the walls at symmetrical intervals, and on every available surface or blank space on the walls hung white plaster cherub sculptures. Behind the altar stood a seven foot tall alabaster angel, with wings that threatened to scrape the ceiling, and a peaceful but slightly off-putting smile that beamed down on everyone as they walked into the room. It was nothing less than creepy, especially given the Winchester’s dealings with angels, but there Dean stood, in a rented tuxedo, in a room that looked as if it had been puked out by a fairy, waiting for Y/N.

Sam took a seat in the front row, perching on the edge of the plastic chair and smiling at his brother. His eyes floated between Dean and the door, just as on alert as the groom-to-be. For a brief moment, his mind drifted to his love-potion induced nuptials with Becky Rosen, which had taken place in a very similar room, but he quickly shook himself to push away the memory. This was completely different, and anyway, it wasn’t him up on the altar this time.

Dean ran a finger over his collar and slipped it underneath the stiff fabric, trying to get a little air back into his lungs. His mouth was dry and his throat was tight. He shifted his weight between both feet, suddenly hating the dress shoes he had picked out. His stomach churned and flipped, and his eyes darted about the ugly room. The bright red neon exit sign above the door called to him, and he pictured himself bolting, fleeing from the venue in a panic. Was this what ‘cold feet’ meant?

When the canned organ music began filtering through the speakers hidden in the walls, the tightness in Dean’s chest reached its peak, and he screwed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself. After two deep breaths he felt a little better, but when he opened his eyes, his heart nearly stopped; but this time, in a good way.

Y/N stood in the door at the far end of the room, nervously clutching a tiny bouquet of pink roses in her hands. She wore a long white dress that clung to her hips before floating out around her legs in waves of silken fabric. Her neckline was high, but her arms were bare, and rows of iridescent gems adorned her hem and collar. Her hair was half up, pulled tight behind her head, leaving the remaining locks to curl gently down against her neck and back. She wore little makeup, yet more than she normally did. Her eyes were lined and her lashes thick; her cheeks glowed and her lips were tinted a deep red.

When her eyes met Dean’s, she smiled and took a breath, stepping forward slowly onto the carpeted aisle. As he watched her move, Dean relaxed. With each step Y/N took, his anxiety faded and his smile returned. By the time she reached her place beside him, Dean was grinning from ear to ear. He reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly once he had it.

“You look… incredible,” he sighed, staring into her beautiful eyes.

“You too, Winchester,” she replied in a joking whisper, but the look she gave him said nothing but love.

They had opted for a quick ceremony, which bypassed all the bible readings about love being patient and kind, and after a few words of greeting, the minister got down to business.

He turned to Dean. “Do you, Steven Jones, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?”

Dean nodded, staring deep into Y/N’s eyes, and smiled. “I do.”

“And do you, Nancy Wilson, take this man as your husband?”

Y/N took a deep breath and nodded. “I do.”

Dean’s fingers tightened around hers and they fell into staring, barely hearing the minister as he muttered something about love and then asked for the rings. Sam jumped up and dug into his jacket pocket, coming up with two plain silver rings. He handed them to the happy couple and watched with a proud smile as the exchanges were made.

“Nancy, this ring I give as token and pledge,” Dean repeated after the minister. “As a sign of my love and devotion. With this ring, I thee wed.” A tear tried to sneak its way out from his left eye as Dean fit the ring onto Y/N’s finger, but he blinked it back and kept his cool.

Y/N was not as good at controlling her emotions, and when she spoke, her voice was faint and shaking, but she pushed through, repeating Dean’s words and shoving the ring onto his hand. It was a little tight and got stuck around his knuckle, but she managed to wiggle it on, giggling a bit because, of course the ring got stuck, that was just her luck.

The minister clapped his hands together and smiled. “Steven, Nancy,” he said, nodding to each in turn, “By the power given to me by the great state of Nevada, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. Steve, you may kiss your bride.”

Dean gave the minister a quick smile before turning back to Y/N. He smiled shyly and then went for it, grabbing her cheeks between his big hands and kissing her painted lips. Y/N wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled him down closer, almost knocking him off balance as she drove her tongue forcefully into Dean’s mouth, pushing everything she had into the kiss. Sam cheered from his seat, clapping and hollering like a fool. When they broke apart, Dean shot Sam an annoyed yet excited smirk, laughing and giddy, enjoying the moment.

The Impala was parked in the lot, and Sam had snuck outside earlier while Dean had gotten dressed to paint the back window and tie a few beer cars to the bumper. A mass of sloppy white hearts encircled the words, “Just Married!”, and Dean glared at his brother, wagging a finger at him as they approached the car.

“That better come off,” he warned and scratched at the closest heart with his thumbnail.

“It’s just chalk,” Sam laughed and held open the passenger side door for the new bride.

Y/N stood back in shock, looking at the opened door. “I get shotgun now?”

Dean pulled open his door and winked at her over the hood. “Of course you do. Wives up front, annoying little brothers in the back.”

Y/N laughed, “Well, hell. I guess there are some advantages to getting married.” She tapped Sam on the cheek as she slipped into the front seat. “Thanks, Sammy!”

Sam held his eye roll and his tongue as he settled into the backseat, trying to figure out where to put his long legs. “Don’t get use to it.”

The drive to the hotel was short and the elevator ride to the room even shorter. They left Sam by his room and ran down the long hallway towards the Honeymoon Suite. It was an expense they really couldn’t afford, but then again, you only got married once. Dean unlocked the door and pushed it open, then turned back to Y/N.

“What?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him suspiciously.

“May I carry you across the threshold, Mrs. Jones?” Dean smirked and reached out for her.

She stepped back. “Uh, no. Thank you.”

“Come on, Y/N/N,” he pouted.

Y/N rolled her eyes and then raised her arms for Dean to scoop her up. He fit one arm behind her knees and the other around her back, bouncing her against his chest and rushing into the room, kicking the door closed behind them. “See? Not so bad,” he groaned and set her down. “Geeze, you’re heavier than you look.”

Y/N spun around and punched his shoulder. “Asshole. I have big bones.”

Dean flinched and rubbed his arm. “Yeah, I’m sure that halfa pizza you ate last night helped the bones, huh?”

Y/N sucked her teeth and glared at him. “Well, I guess the honeymoon period is over already.”

Dean pressed his lips together, popping his dimples as he stared right back at her. “I guess so.”

In a huff, Y/N spun on her heel and headed for the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was gonna be a long night.

Twenty minutes later, Dean was practically dancing outside the bathroom door, rapping his knuckles against the wood and calling for her to hurry up. “You gonna be in there all night?”

Y/N yanked the door open and growled. “Can I help you?”

Dean tried to sneak passed her, but she blocked his path. “Can I use the bathroom, please?”

“I don’t know, Dean, can you?” She crossed her arms and raised an aggressive eyebrow.

“Listen Sweetheart, you need to cool it with the attitude. We’re on a case. Be a professional for once.” Not waiting for her snide reply, Dean put his hands on her shoulders and moved her out of his way. Y/N gasped and then grit her teeth, shooting daggers into the back of his head as he rushed to the toilet.

“At least close the damn door!” she hollered.

Without turning around, Dean mule-kicked the door shut, slamming it in her face.

He took his time undressing and hanging his rented suit carefully on the hanger behind the bathroom door, setting it to hang on top of Y/N’s dress. He showered and brushed his teeth, taking longer than he usually would to prep for bed; he was in no rush to leave the tiny bathroom.

Reno, the ‘Biggest Little City In The World’, was currently under attack by what seemed to be a feisty demon who slaughtered newlyweds on their wedding night. In the last month, five couples had left Aphrodite’s Chapel and turned up the next morning with their throats slit wide open. When their usual leg work came up short, Sam decided the best tactic would be to go undercover as bait, which is what had lead Dean and Y/N to the altar.

Y/N had been working with the brothers for a little over a year, and in that time, she and Dean had been on a rollercoaster together. Their initial bonding over the job and shared recreational activities had pushed them immediately into a somewhat informal relationship, which basically meant they snuck around behind Sam’s back and enjoyed more than a few heated nights between the sheets. All had been going well until Y/N decided that she wanted more and Dean, despite his reciprocal feelings, panicked. Instead of talking it out like adults, Dean opted to get drunk and walk out of the bar with a busty blonde on his arm, parading her right in front of Y/N. Dean regretted it instantly, but since that drunken mistake two months ago, Y/N had been nothing short of hostile towards him, which made their current situation all the more difficult. Neither wanted to discuss their feelings, saving their anger for well timed jabs and sneering looks.

When Sam had suggested the ruse, Y/N simply shrugged and agreed, saying she would ‘take one for the team’. In the back of Dean’s mind, he had hoped their wedding, however fake, would shake something loose and allow them to mend their rift, but it didn’t seem likely.

Unable to find anything else to do in the bathroom, Dean quietly slipped into the main room and found Y/N lounging on the king-sized bed, looking sexy as hell in his old Sex Pistols tee and her usual sleep shorts. She didn’t look up when he came in, just kept her eyes down on the book in her lap.

“Comfy?”

Y/N let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah. The mattress is nice.”

“I meant my shirt,” Dean corrected. “I’ve been looking for that.”

“Oh, have you?” she asked with mock concern. “I’m so sorry. Would you like it back right now?” Y/N sat up and grabbed the hem of the shirt, ready to lift it off and throw it in his face.

Dean shook his head and waved her away. “Just forget it.” He reached down to the bed and pulled back the sheet, ready to climb in and give up on the day.

Y/N watched him with fire in her eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Going to sleep. The vics all bit it after one a.m., so I get to close my eyes for at least three hours before we have to worry about anything.”

Y/N clicked her tongue. “The couch is over there,” she said, pointing to the sofa across the room.

Dean tossed his head back, silently begging the universe to ebb her ire for just one night. “Y/N/N, we��re supposed to be married. In love. Don’t you think it’ll be a little weird if the bastard bursts in here and we aren’t sharing a bed?”

Y/N pressed her tongue to the inside of her cheek to block her searing retort, deciding to cool her annoyance for the rest of the evening. “Whatever,” she shrugged and turned her eyes back to her book.

Dean plopped down face-first into bed and shook the mattress as he adjusted himself, tucking the pillow up underneath his head. Y/N rolled her eyes as she was jostled by his movements, but kept her mouth shut. There was no point in fighting, they were stuck together for the night.

“Shoulda married Sam,” she said under her breath as Dean continued his tossing and turning.

“What’s that?” he snapped, rolling over and onto his elbow, looking up at her.

“Nothing.”

“Y/N, maybe we should-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she cut him off and turned the page in her book.

“Clearly you’re still ma-”

She clenched her jaw and seethed. “I said, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine.” Dean rolled onto his back and rubbed a hand down his tired face. She didn’t want to talk about it. Well, that was just great. No mind that he wanted to discuss things. Everything was always on her terms. He let out an exaggerated sigh that was more of a grunt and closed his eyes, praying that sleep would come quickly.

It did not.

The room was silent but for the the rustle of paper each time Y/N turned a page. How she could read a book aggressively was a mystery to Dean, but it was happening.

“Could you shut the light, please?” he asked nicely, turning his head to look up at her.

Y/N huffed but complied, tossing her book onto the nightstand and shutting the lamp. When she laid down, Dean rolled onto his side towards her, but she shied away, pulling the sheet up to her chin. Her face glowed in the faint light from the clock next to the bed, and Dean studied her with a heavy heart. She was beautiful; soft and full, with curves that could drive a man wild, including him. Without thinking, his hand slid across the bed and brushed against her shoulder, making her jump. She screwed her eyes shut tight and rolled away from him, tucking her knees and arms to her chest.

“Y/N/N…”

“Please, don’t.” Her voice was softer now, filled with hurt rather than hate, and Dean pulled away, closing his fist and pressing it to his forehead.

Somehow they both fell asleep, and amazingly made it through the night. Dean had woken around one, and kept watch for an hour before dozing back off. There was no attack, no angry demon, no nothing. Just the quiet room, and Y/N lying so close, yet so far from his reach.

Breakfast was complimentary in the fancy hotel, and the trio ate in relative peace; Y/N and Dean barely speaking, and Sam following suit. Being the only sounding board for each scorned lover, Sam knew all about their problems, and had hoped, like Dean, that the case would bring them back together. Sitting between them the next morning, he knew that nothing had changed. He also knew that they hadn’t fooled the monster with their act the day before.

Dean sat back in his chair, bringing his third cup of coffee with him. “Well, this was a bust,” he said before taking a long sip of the black brew.

“Maybe you guys weren’t convincing enough?” Sam suggested with a shrug and a frown.

Y/N’s head shot up in protest. “I was plenty convincing. Did you not see my tears? I squeaked those out right on cue. I deserve an Oscar for my performance.”

“Yeah, like it’s so hard to pretend you want to marry me,” Dean scoffed under his breath, still hidden behind the white porcelain mug.

“You got something you wanna say, Winchester?” Y/N lifted her eyes, daring him to continue.

“I did, but you don’t wanna talk about it,” he said, mocking her tone from the night before.

Y/N threw her fork down, ignoring the last bits of her scrambled eggs. “If you think that you can just-”

“Guys, please!” Sam leaned forward and cut her off in a harsh whisper. “Maybe this is why the plan didn’t work. Try being nice to each other and we’ll see what happens.”

“Don’t tell me to be nice to him, Sam! There’s no way-”

Again, Y/N was cut off, but this time by Sam’s cell phone, and she clamped her mouth shut as he walked away to answer. Dean stared at her over the rim of his mug, and Y/N leaned forward, crossing her arms and glaring back. They stayed like that for a while, each daring the other to speak. Finally, the moment became too much for Y/N and she decided to end Dean’s suffering and offer him something. But when she opened her mouth to speak, Sam returned, yet again interrupting her.

“So get this,” he said, waving his phone at them as he sat back down. “Two more victims found this morning. Estimated time of death, two a.m., same M.O., just married yesterday morning; looks like right before you guys.”

“So… maybe it wasn’t my acting. The jerk just picked his snack before we got there,” Y/N suggested with a shrug.

“Maybe,” Sam said, deep in thought. Y/N could see the wheels turning in his head as his eyes narrowed at the salt and pepper shakers on the table. “I’m gonna go back to the morgue and check out the bodies.”

“I’ll come with,” Dean said, setting his coffee down.

Sam shook his head. “No, we still need to draw it out. Why don’t you guys go… I don’t know, go do something out in the open. Something… lovey-dovey and see if you can bait it.”

“We still don’t know what it is, Sam,” Y/N offered. “And also… no.”

“Y/N/N, come on. You agreed to this.” Sam sighed.

“Yeah, but it was supposed to be for one night, and now-”

Dean shoved his chair back away from the table, violently scraping the legs over the hard floor. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t have to, the anger and disappointment was evident in the tension of his shoulders and the way he stormed off, not giving Y/N a chance to finish her sentence, not wanting to hear what she had to say.

She watched him walk off, her shoulders and attitude dropping as his gait told her she’d hurt him once again.

“You gotta talk to him,” Sam said gently.

“I don’t want to. He did this, not me.”

Sam rolled his eyes slightly and lay a hand on her shoulder, making her turn to look him in the eye. “I know, but he wants to undo it now and you won’t let him. It’s been months, Y/N. And it was a stupid mistake. Let him fix it.”

“You don’t understand, Sam. I poured out my heart to him and he went off and hooked up with some random bimbo. You can’t understand what that did to me.”

“I know. But believe me when I tell you, he’s sorry. Just give him a chance to tell you.”

Y/N didn’t answer. Stubborn was her middle name, and she did not fold easily. It had taken her months to build up the courage to tell Dean how she felt, and when he hadn’t responded in kind, he’d been immediately placed on her shit list. It would take an act of God for his name to be scratched off.

Maybe she was being too hard on him. Maybe she should be an adult and sit down and have a real conversation, let him apologize, but whenever she looked at him, her chest got tight and tears threatened to spill. She’d already wasted too many tears on him, too many nights crying herself to sleep just doors down from his, and the thought of another rejection was more than she could handle.

Sam returned to the morgue, leaving Dean and Y/N to wander the city and continue their facade of being newlyweds in love. It was a nice day, hot and dry, and the sun shone from above, lighting the town and their spirits. As long as they weren’t speaking, Y/N didn’t mind being with him alone, and slowly she let her anger fade. They had been friends once, after all, and she did miss him.

As neither hunter was well versed in the ways of normal romance, they had no idea what to do with themselves, and decided to do all the cheesy things they'd seen on the big screen. They window shopped, had coffee and muffins at an outdoor cafe, even strolled through a little park. They lingered by the lake, Y/N tossing the remains of her muffin to the hungry ducklings that danced in the water. Dean stood behind her, leaning against the wooden railing of the bridge they were on, just watching her. She glowed in the sunshine, her hair moved in the gentle breeze, her smile was true and filled her eyes. He missed seeing her happy, missed being the thing that brought the smile to her lips.

When the crumbs were gone and the ducks swam off, Y/N turned around towards Dean, hooking her arms around the railing and lifting her face to the sky. She closed her eyes, basking in the sun for a long moment. Dean's heart raced as his eyes traveled her face and downwards, suddenly aching to reach over and pull her body against his. Their matrimonial kiss lingered in his mind, and every bit of him wanted more. From his lips to his fingertips and beyond, he wanted her soft skin against his again.

Y/N sighed and her eyes fell to Dean, catching him staring, deep in thoughts of her. She smiled shyly, biting her lip and gazing back at him. Maybe…

They spoke at the same time, each with trepidation, wanting to apologize, but afraid to break the spell of the moment.

“Y/N…”

“Dean, I…”

They laughed together awkwardly, then looked away, each giving the other the floor.

Y/N stepped forward, tucking a lost strand of hair behind her ear. “Today's been nice, thank you,” she said softly.

Dean turned back to her and smiled, nodding in agreement. “I'm not so bad, am I?” he joked.

“Not at all.”

Dean took a breath and then pushed himself away from the railing, taking a leap of faith. He rushed forward and slipped his arm around her waist, his left hand coming up to cradle her cheek. She gasped, taken by surprise by his quick movements, but did not fight him off. Y/N looked up into his eyes, questions and hurt and desire battling inside of her; heart and mind at odds like never before.

“Dean…”

He kissed her then, soft and gentle; just a press of his lips against hers. It was enough to show her how he felt, but light enough that she could pull away if she wanted. Despite what her brain told her to do, she did not pull away. She kissed him back, tilting her head and parting her lips, urging him on. Her hands slid up his chest and around his shoulders; they clung to him as Dean walked her backwards, stopping only when he felt the sun-warmed wooden railing hit the back of his hand. He pressed into her, searched her mouth with his tongue, fit his thigh between her legs, let his fingers wander down across her collarbone, hungry for all of her.

Y/N relaxed in his arms, breathing him in and falling head-first back into the hole that he had dug in her heart. She ran her fingers through his short hair, scratching lightly as his lips journeyed across her jaw and latched onto her ear. He breathed her name, hot and humid against her cheek, and something snapped inside of her. Memories of his betrayal flooded her vision, and she stiffened, pushing him away with the palm of her heel against his chest.

He froze immediately, pulling back to look down at her. She closed her eyes and turned away, shaking her head.

“Y/N/N, what…”

“I'm sorry, Dean. I can't do this.”

He let go of her and stepped aside to let her leave, his heart breaking with every step she took.

“Can we please talk about this? Please,” Dean begged, his face twisted with pain. Y/N stopped her trek, but didn't turn or answer, so he went on. “I'm so sorry. I need you. I miss you. I lo-”

“Don't,” she snapped, finally turning back to him. “Don't tell me you love me, Dean. I can't handle that.”

“Not even if it's true?”

She swallowed hard, fighting in vain against the tears that rimmed her eyes. “It's not true; that's just it.”

“It is true. I love you, Y/N. I think I always have.”

Y/N laughed sadly and a tear drop escaped her eye, rolling slowly down her cheek. She swatted at it and clenched her jaw. “You don’t love me, Dean.” She shook her head, casting her eyes down to the planks below her feet, afraid to look up at him and see she was wrong. “You… hurt me. I let you in and you slammed the door back in my face. Practically fucked that girl right in front of me. How can you say that you love me when you did that?” For the first time in weeks, her voice wasn’t a dagger meant to poke at him. She spoke slowly and softly, from the heart; filling her words with the pain she felt everyday. When she looked up again, her cheeks were soaked, no longer caring to brush the tears away.

Dean stammered, unsure of how to go on. He wasn’t a poet; he didn’t have the skill to weave an apology like in the movies, one that could sweep her off of her feet and send her flying back into his arms. Instead, he spoke what was in his heart, reciting all the things he had tried to say since that drunken night he’d turned her away. “I was scared, Y/N/N. You took us from friends to friends who fucked to being in love so quickly that… I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never been to that place with anyone before and it scared me. I thought…” He paused, clearing his throat, willing his voice to stay strong against tightness in his chest. “I didn’t think I was good enough for you, didn’t see why you would want me, and I panicked. And I’m sorry.”

“You're sorry.” She let out a breath that curled into a bitter laugh. “I'm sorry too, Dean. Sorry that you can't let yourself have anything good.”

Dean fell silent. She was right, he knew. Sure, he had been scared to move forward with her, but he also couldn't let himself. He wasn't made to be happy. He was a warrior who lived in the mud and blood, and thrived on pain. She was light and love and peace. He didn't deserve her.

He stayed quiet too long and Y/N’s anger returned. She needed him to say something, to make the next move. She needed a grand gesture, something; anything. Her hands flew to her hips as she waited, and her crying settled.

The clouds drifted above them. The wind brushed against Y/N’s cheek. The ducks swam happily below. The world kept moving, but Dean remained silent.

“Ya know what?” Y/N said, finally giving up. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of waiting on you; tired of being angry at you. I’m done.”

Dean blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. “Don’t, Y/N/N. Don’t be done, please.”

“I have to,” she said calmly. “I can’t keep putting myself through this. It’s not fair. You’re never gonna allow yourself to be the man I know that you are. And that’s fine. But it’s not fair to me to keep waiting around for that to happen.” She paused mid-step as she turned away, hoping he would reach out and grab her, pull her back, make her stay, but nothing happened. He remained as unresponsive as before.

Dean tried to scream, to call her back to him, but nothing came out. He watched as her figure faded into the distance, trying to get his legs to move, to chase after her, but they were stuck to the ground, heavy and sad.

Y/N took the long path back through the park, not caring if Dean was following or not. Fighting with him was easier than fighting with herself. She wanted him so badly it kept her up at night; he was in her head all day long. When her eyes closed, his face was there; when he was near she lost her mind. But he had wronged her; he had been too stupid to accept her love, and he pushed it all away. How could she forgive that? And if she did, how could he forgive her for the last two months of hateful spite she had thrown at him?

She stopped at the end of the path, right before the dirt changed to pavement, and tossed her head back, taking a moment to collect herself. Fuck it, she thought. You love him. He loves you. He’s sorry. Just let it go. Let it go and see what happens. She nodded towards the setting sun and took a deep breath. “Go get him, Y/N/N,” she told herself, spinning around to head back to the bridge. If she was lucky, Dean would be waiting for her. Sure, it was a ridiculous hope, but the rest of the day had gone like a rom-com, why not now?

“Nancy?”

The unfamiliar voice calling her alias jerked her to a stop, and Y/N turned again to see the minister from the wedding chapel standing not three feet behind her. The man smiled warmly and held his hands out in apology.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said sweetly. “I just noticed you here, and you seemed upset. Thought I could lend an ear; if you’d like.”

Y/N shrugged, smiling at his kindness. “Thanks, I’m OK,” she replied, looking him over. He was tall, but not quite as tall as Dean; and older, but how old she couldn’t say, she was never great with ages. His eyes were light blue, almost clear, and his dirty blonde hair was speckled with white. He seemed nice enough, but her hunter’s instincts told her a random meeting such as this was not coincidence, and she took a step backwards, her hand reaching for the blade in her back pocket.

“Alright,” he said, matching her backstep with one forward. “If you’re sure.” His lips curled on the ends, turning upwards in a smile that sent a chill through Y/N’s bones.

“I am, thanks.” Another step backwards. Fingers tugging at the handle of her switchblade.

The minister came forward slowly, closing the gap even as she continued backing away. “Come on, Y/N, don’t you wanna talk?”

“Wait, how do you know my-”

An evil grin. The flash of black eyes.

“Oh, fuck.”

Dean shuffled through the trees, taking his time to navigate the park, kicking up dust and rocks with his heavy boots. He was all twisted up inside, smiling one second and slapping himself the next. He should have chased after her, screamed her name, said something romantic and heartfelt and cheesy to win her back. But no, he just stood there like an ass-hat, letting her walk away.

His heart leapt when his phone rang, but fell again when he saw that it was Sam.

“What?” he answered, less than excitedly.

“Dean, hey, it’s me.”

“Yeah, I know. What is it?”

“I checked out the last two victims. The wife had rose petals stuck in her throat.” Sam paused, giving Dean a chance to absorb the information. “Pink, silk, rose petals.”

“Yeah, and? We know they were at the chapel already. This isn’t new intel.”

Sam sighed dramatically. “Yes, so… I went back to do another interview with Robert and he attacked me.”

“Robert?” Dean squinted into the sunset, trying to place the name.

“The minister,” Sam explained.

Dean sucked his teeth. “That bastard. I knew he was a little too smiley. Creeped me out.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Where’s Y/N?”

“Fuck.”

Y/N woke up coughing. The air around her was heavy and thick; it smelled of mold and wetness and death. A basement, she figured with a shrug. It wasn’t the first basement she’d ever woken up in, and hopefully wouldn’t be the last.

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she took stock of her situation. A yank of her arms told her she was chained to the wall. Check. A wiggle of her back against the wall revealed that her knife was gone. Crap. The warm trickle of wetness against her temple and cheek explained that she’d been hit pretty hard in the head and was bleeding. Delightful. She tried to stand, to push herself up against the wall and relieve a bit of pressure from her dangling arms, but her head spun as soon as she moved, and she sat back down in a slump. Shit.

“I wouldn’t bother getting up, Y/N. I’ll just knock you back down.” Robert stood in the dark doorway, still dressed in his clerics, but with newly added accessories: black eyes and a butcher knife.

“Great, thanks,” Y/N said nonchalantly. “So, demon priest, that’s fun. What’s your deal? Just bored, or is there a reason you’re killing newlyweds? Seems kinda like a shitty business model for a Wedding Chapel if you ask me.” If there was one thing she was good at, it was keeping herself alive by talking constantly. Keep ‘em talking and distracted long enough for help to arrive, that was her motto in situations such as this.

Robert laughed and stepped into the room. “Something like that. More like, boredom.” He crouched down beside Y/N, leaning in close as he spoke. “Just stirring up a little chaos. Thought it would be fun. And you know what?”

“What?”

“It is.”

Y/N cringed. He was too close, the blade he held too sharp; fear coursed through her. If Dean was still waiting by that bridge for her to return, they were both in for a big shock. “So… so… why didn’t you kill us last night? You let us slip through the cracks.”

“Well,” he said, rocking back on his heels and twirling the knife in one hand. “I was gonna, but then I saw you guys drive away in that stupid Impala, and I thought… Winchesters! Why not play with them a bit? Besides, you gotta get both brothers at the same time or the other will come after you.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Am I? I waited until you were alone and snatched you right up. Dean Winchester’s bride! He and Sam are gonna come bursting through that door any moment to rescue you, and I’ll kill them both before they know what hit them.”

“You know that’s the opposite of what’s going to happen, right?” Y/N laughed. “They’re gonna rip you apart. This is Sam and Dean Winchester we’re talking about. They win. They always win. You’re just a lone demon scumbag.”

Robert sneered and slapped Y/N hard across the face, snapping her head to the side. She groaned as the pain spread through her skull, but sucked in a breath, staying the course. “You’re pathetic. Your plan is stupid, and you’re gonna fail. Just wait. Dean is on his way, and you, my friend, are gonna bleed.”

“Maybe,” he said as his hand closed around her throat. “But... you first.”

Dean bounced anxiously behind his brother as Sam picked the lock on the backdoor of the brick building. They’d looked everywhere and called everyone of Y/N’s phones with no luck finding her, she had to be here.

“Hurry up, Sam!” Dean growled under his breath.

As if on cue, Sam popped the bolt and pushed the door open, stepping back to allow Dean to rush inside. The place was empty. No sign of the demon or Y/N.

“I swear to God, Sam, if something happens to her I’m gonna-”

“I know, Dean. Relax. We’re gonna find her,” Sam assured him as he scanned the room main lobby and ducked into the office. “Nothing here.”

A muffled scream ripped through the air and both brothers twisted their heads towards the sound. Another tortured cry sprung up from below, and Dean broke into a run, calling Y/N’s name as he rushed to the basement steps.

The tip of the knife felt like fire as it cut into Y/N’s flesh, drawing a rush of crimson in its wake. The demon cut her again and again, reveling in the noises she made and drinking in her screams. Blood flowed freely from her neck and arms, from a hole dug into her shoulder, from the lines on her cheeks.

Her eyes rolled as the dizziness took over, all her sass and attitude long since drained away.

“Not so tough now, are you, honey?” Robert cackled.

Y/N sucked in a much air as she could and spit right in his face. Her action was met with the butt of the knife against her temple and lights danced behind her eyes. As her head rolled down against her chest, she felt herself slipping, felt the room spin around her, threatening to disappear altogether.

“Y/N!”

Dean’s voice pierced through the haze and Y/N’s eyes flew open. She lifted her head to see him across the room, demon blade held high, ready to strike. She tried to speak, to cry his name, both nothing came out, just a meke sputter of formless syllables.

“You OK, Princess?” he asked, emerald eyes taking in her injuries. He could see how bad it was, but he wanted to keep her awake, keep her talking until he could get her down.

“Yeah,” she managed, and then screamed in warning as Robert attacked, springing up from the ground and slamming into Dean.

Sam appeared then, his giant frame blocking the light that trickled down from the staircase. He rushed to Y/N and started on her shackles, trying to free her.

Y/N struggled to stay conscious, flinching in pain as Sam tugged at the cuffs on her wrists. Behind them Dean battled the demon, occasionally glancing over to Y/N on the floor, checking on her.

“You're gonna be OK, I got you,” Sam's smile was reassuring, but Y/N didn't believe him. He couldn't see the puddle of blood beneath her, couldn't feel how weak her pulse beat. She knew she wasn't going to last much longer.

There was a scream from across the room, and the air lit up in orange sparks as Dean drove his blade through the demon’s heart. He fell to the ground with a thud just as Sam released Y/N’s arms. She fell into his arms, barely able to hold her head up let alone the rest of her.

“Y/N!” Dean rushed to her, taking her gently from Sam’s arms, and floating with her down to the cold cement floor.

She coughed hard, shaking her entire body, and Dean lay his warm hand on her cheek, feeling the cold that was seeping through her. “Hey, Y/N/N, come on. You’re OK, kid. Stay with me.” His voice was thick and he let the tears come as he looked over her shredded arms and face. With his sleeve he carefully wiped the blood from her cheeks and she smiled up at him as best she could.

“Dean… I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and smiled. “Don’t do that. You’re OK. We’re gonna get you to the hospital. Sam’s going for the car. You’re OK.”

Her hand came up slowly and Y/N ran her fingertip over his brow, barely touching him. “I love you, Dean. I’m sorry I wasted all this time being mad at you.”

“It’s my fault,” he confessed and bent to kiss her icy forehead. “I got cold feet.”

She laughed gently at that, and then cringed as her broken flesh pulled and twisted as she moved. “You looked so handsome in your tux,” she whispered.

“Make you a deal,” he said, holding her tightly and rocking slightly as she shivered in his arms. “You get better and I’ll wear that damn thing every day if you want me too. Stupid, crooked tie and all.”

She smiled. “The tie was crooked. I didn’t wanna say...”

“It’s OK,” he laughed softly.

Y/N took a breath and closed her eyes, falling limp against him.

Dean was rocking nervously on his heels, up and down, up and down, almost knocking into Sam with each calf raise. Sam clamped a giant hand on his shoulder and squeezed, effectively stopping Dean’s movement.

“Calm down. You’re OK,” Sam said, leaning forward to whisper in Dean’s ear.

Dean scoffed and twisted his shoulder out of Sam’s grasp. “I know that. I’m fine.”

“You’re shaking like a leaf, dude.”

“Am not.”

“Are to.”

“Shut up!”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Y/N cleared her throat, stopping the brother’s banter and lifting their gaze towards her as she stepped into the room.

“I can’t take you two anywhere,” she said with a laugh as she came forward, the hem of her long white lace dress trailing along behind her. Her hair was down completely this time around, twisted into big curls that clung to her bare shoulders. Her makeup was sparse, but made her eyes sparkle and her cheeks glow, and she carried a single white calla lily; it’s long, bulky stem doing nothing to hide the ample curve of her growing stomach.

She covered the distance between the door and the altar quickly, and Dean met her at the finish line, wrapping his arms around her and planting a hard kiss on her lips.

Y/N pulled back and laughed, swatting at his shoulder. “You’re too soon. You’re supposed to wait until after you say ‘I do’.”

Dean grinned and squeezed her hand. “I don’t want to wait any longer, Y/N.”

“Me neither,” she agreed and pressed up on her tiptoes to peck his lips. “Hey, your tie’s not crooked this time.”

Dean laughed and folded one side of the bow over to show off his secret. “It’s a clip on,” he whispered.

“I won’t tell,” she promised.

Another kiss. Another gentle laugh.

“You ready?” Y/N asked, looking up into perfect green eyes.

“I am,” Dean said, assuring them both. And he was. He was ready to move forward, as long as it was with her.

Y/N slipped her hand into the crook of Dean’s arm and they both turned towards the altar, taking the next step, together.

The Dean’s List: @akshi8278 @brihughes4 @boxywrites @bringmesomepie56 @codenameruby @colagirl5 @girliciousdreams @jealousbitxh @jojo-nz @juniorhuntersam @kathaswings @lavieenlex @lostsoulsworlds @love-me-some-pie21 @nerdwholikesword @niamandthings @paleogamrgrl @rdy4thevoid @salvachester @Sam-deans-baby @samikitten @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @spookyphyscho @spontaneousam

FOREVERS:

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#spn fanfic #dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #sfw #flangst #fluff #angst #case #supernatural fanfiction #long ass fic

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ikonislife · 9 years ago

Text

Part 1: Just Go.

Hanbin x Reader

Fluff, Angst

Part 2: Please Stay.

Based off of Ikon’s song Just Go

Idea sent by @7n13bang . I apologize for how late this is. I actually had ideas for this song awhile back but simply forgotten about it until you requested it. I’m so sorry if it doesn’t live up to your expectation. I know it’s probably wayyyyyyy too long but I really like this suggestion and the song so you could imagine the word vomit that happened when I wrote this. Again, I apologize for being so late and if it’s not to your liking. Hope you enjoy. P.S. I honestly couldn’t stand ending this in angst haha, I almost wrote a fluff ending to it. (I still could if anyone is interested.)

“Why are you so good to me?”

“Simple. Seeing your smile makes letting things go that much easier.”

The way he said it, with such ease and pure happiness made you ponder if it was always this easy to love someone.

Your mind races at light speed retracing every second that had led you to this point, to this moment of clarity. It was not even 12 hours ago that you thought such sentence wouldn’t even still be reserved for your ears as you trekked down the long hallway leading to his office. After all, what guy would wait for a girl so broken that she rejected him for the 9th time in the year and a half since he first confessed on the basis of not wanting to get hurt again. Deep down you knew he’d be your stableness but when times came, you were ready for all but say yes.

His friendship remained the same and the word ‘girlfriend’ was nothing but a distant memory from 6 months ago, since the last time he confessed. You’d liked to think it was because of his increased work load but you knew better. You’ve seen the way he flirted with girls at company parties, eyes so primal they resembled a lion stalking for prey. You had convinced yourself it was the alcohol but again, you knew better. He wasn’t the type to bring you as a date only to abandon you for the tall blonde that practically gave him a lap dance in front of everyone. Honestly with the way his hands ghosting over just the right part of her body with just enough touch to be flirtatious but not enough to earn ire from everyone else, you were pretty certain what he does all those night you thought he had headed home alone after dropping you off at the safety of your own apartment. Hot with liquor, you ran off into the night only to be pulled back into that safe embrace and the voice that melt your organ faster than the poison burning inside your gut.

“What’s wrong?” He had said.

“Nothing except maybe I freaking love you but clearly, you changed your type…” Was what you wanted to say. Instead, the most pathetic “Nothing” slipped out along with a sad smile as you backed away from the place you wanted to be most, in his arms. This marked your first fail attempt of confessing.

God, you’re so useless Y/N… All you gotta say is ‘I love you, Hanbin’ and you couldn’t even do that. Five freaking times, seriously. You groan internally staring up at the intimidating hallway, feeling like a guilty employee waiting to be fired. Then again, if you can’t build upon failures, if you can’t use it as stepping stones then what’s the point in life. right, Mr. Johnny Cash?

Calling upon the wisdom of the deceased, your sweaty palms shakily ball into a fist before the most pitiful knock vibrated through the air. It wouldn’t be truthful to say that you hadn’t hope the timid knock would evade his ears but alas, the stern voice commanding “come in” shredded that option.

“Finished with work?” you asked, awkwardly shuffling into the big room that would put the Oval Office to shame. Luckily, he was too busy hunching over the ornate wooden desk to notice your ridiculous tottering self trying to decide where to sit.

“Unfortunately, no… This dumb ass from the financial department messed up some numbers for the meeting tomorrow night pretty badly. I’m gonna have to correct everything myself. What’s up?”

You were almost glad he spoke up as that lit a fire under your butt to pick a destination. Settling down quickly on the couch, you had felt that 5th cup of tea slowly creeping its way back up your throat before exclaiming loudly, not giving your stomach a chance to regurgitate.

“Can I come over there?”

Unsure of what the hell you were thinking, you winced before a confused Hanbin waved you over with an uncertain chuckle, not sparing you even a glance.

“What the hell kind of question was that? Of course you can… freak!”

Your feet began their longest, most treacherous trip to the desk a mere few feet away. Pep talking yourself the whole way through, though, all your worries and thoughts suddenly dissipated the moment your eyes hooked onto the lines of his jaw like a baited fish. Even after working practically all day, he still looked as ravishing as ever.

The way his agile fingers skillfully scribble signatures after signatures never ceased to amaze you. If it wasn’t giving out John Hancock, the slender digits would rummage through the perfectly made brown locks, messing them up just a bit. The way he rolled his lower lips between the rows of pearly white got you mirroring the action, eyes now following the soft finger pads rubbing the furrowing eyebrows after finding the documents aren’t to his liking. Perfectionist this one is. His eyes bloodshot from the strains put on by the bright screen while yours strained on him, worrying that the timing may simply be wrong.

No, it had to be now. In fact, you were convinced if you didn’t do it now that you’d never. Shaking a firm fist to motivate yourself, you sneaked over to the unsuspecting victim and threw your arms around his neck, cheek resting gingerly against his. None of your action fazed him at this point, he was all too used to your friendly affection and innocent skin-ship. Ultimately, he was just being selfish. The night had been too long, too morose for the young boy hard at work that any warm touch would be welcome, especially one from his favorite girl. Simply coining this as one of those night you were feeling alone at home craving for human interaction and he was much too lonely in the big office surrounding by nothing but pulseless cold objects, he questioned your intention sarcastically, anticipating nothing but silliness from you.

“What’s up monkey? So clingy today. Are you planning on killing me with love?”

His eyes never once left the paper but his hand trailed off its task just long enough to pat your cheek affectionately.

“Did I ever tell you that you look freakishly handsome in a suit? Like godly good.”

Silliness he expected, silliness he got as your poor nerve had gave in for the umpteenth time this week leaving you complimenting him like an idiot.

“Yes, a few times too many. I don’t appreciate the lust in your eyes by the way, staring at me like I’m food. Again, Why so clingy?”

“Nothing!”

You declared in the cutest voice you could muster, a bit sickening really as you mentally note to never use that voice again. Now what he hadn’t forecasted was the big, wet kiss you had just smacked against the soft skin of his cheek before running off.

His head shot up alarmingly fast, shocked by your action. Your fondness for him had never gone past the occasion cuddles when either of you have an especially hard day and that was all it was - pure, innocent comforting. This in a way was too much for him. For a split second the corners of his lips curl up in a satisfying smile that his girl was giving him affection after a long day of work before frowning once again at the realization you’re not his. Hanbin had, to him, a nasty habit of getting lost in your ingenuous, without meaning touches that has him selfishly pretending you’re his girl. What’s the harm, to the world, you both look just like a couple strutting down the street hand in hand glee with love. To you, he’s just a good friend offering some peace of mind and support whenever, wherever. Harmless until moments like these where the line between reality and his dream blurred so obscurely he could feel his heart being elating with hope only to await the prick of the pin of your rejection at the end of the line. With a loud clank of the pen dropping out of his stilled hand, he had gotten up out of his seat and was now fast steading toward you.

“What the hell was that?”

He stared at you, wide eyes, mouth gaped open for the whole world to see. Those eyes, as dead as they were from being a few minutes away from the clock striking twelve, you could tell he was burning through all the scenarios in his head of what your kiss could mean, steaming to study every details like a cop assessing a murder scene. Always at the right time, your words failed you. You opened your mouth as if to say something but quickly closing it as you had no good way of easing into the nerve wrecking conversation.

“Start talking. You don’t just go kiss people then say nothing.”

Frustration taut on his forehead, his voice without maybe even him realizing it went firm. You knew this was no time to back out as this wasn’t the gentle Hanbin you had come to love. This was calm and willful version of him that will go to great length to get what he want, the version that instilled fear upon his subordinates. Hell, he could make even the baddest of of the bad cry with that cold, haughty stare.

“Go on a date with me.” You said it with such determination that it shook the big boss out of his routine. Or perhaps it was really just the fact that you wanted to date.

“What?!”

He practically screamed as your voice reduced down to a small squeak, eyes avoiding his at any cost as you cower further into the couch, wishing to blend in with the background.

“Date… You.. Me…”

His visage soften back at the clear fright visible in your small, retreating form. After all, he had never needed to use his work voice with you.

“Like, like as in… b..boy and girl? like date-date?”

He stammered, stared at you confusedly but a hand already reaching out to move a stray clump of hair away from your forehead.

“Hanbin, what other kind is there?”

Your confident diminished with every question he threw your way, that is if you even had any to begin with. You had hope he’d just take your word and you could both be on your merry way but instead he decided to play 21-questions, making your life just that much harder.

“Well, we’ve done date-ish things before… I had to be sure. What?! Why?”

Your eyes faltered, oblivious of the glint of hope and joy that had took over for the vanishing tiredness in his.

“Uhm, sorry… Forget it, it’s alright really. It was just a thought…a bad one…”

Silent fell over your face, softly contorting it to a slight discomfort, an awkward depressing laugh puffed out of your chest leaving the surrounding drab. Even though his reaction hurt, you felt light. Light that you had finally gotten what you wanted to say off your chest. At least now your weary mind can rest even if your heart weren’t reciprocated how it wanted to be.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have come… You’re so busy and i’m just spewing nonsense. I’ll see you later, yea?”

Brimming tears threatening to fall, you got up as quickly as he had sat down, destination set.

“Uh uh. No, not so fast. Sit your pretty butt back down.”

Still avoiding his gaze, you bit your lips in regret. Regret of bringing this up so long after he had given up. Regret in coming here. Just regret. You wanted nothing more but to bolt out of there but nevertheless, you obliged.

Couldn’t bear to see his expression, you looked anywhere but him. The quiet so deafening even the white noise bowed out. Body shivering from the icy air or the lacked of any reaction from Hanbin, you couldn’t discerned. You had been readied to give up and ran when the familiar pair of strong arms you’d recognize even if you were to go blind reached out to cut the tension so high strung through your body.

“You’re being serious with me right now?” Hanbin cooed so softly into your ear as he rest his chin on your shoulder, arms desperate to hold you in place.

“If you had to ask then…”

Currently sitting in his lap, you thought about getting off but it would’ve been as useful as a sprinkler in the rain. The hold he had around your waist was too strong, not in the physical sense but in the emotional Heimlich kind of way, much too comforting for your enervate body to pull away.

“Hey, come on. Running away is not gonna do either of us any good. I never said i don’t want to, just very curious about your sudden interest in me. That’s all.”

God know what gotten into you but what you said next, you knew, and so did he, better than anyone that you had no right to ask.

“Have I ever questioned your feeling for me?”

“Oh, that’s not fair” An almost automated soundless gasp came. “How many times have you turned me down already.”

You winced, knowing full well you had brought this upon yourself. You wished so hard that he’d ask you again after the first time, that maybe if he would then you’ll say yes. However, after the second, then third, then the 9th time, you could see the dejection so clearly behind that understanding smile. You knew there wouldn’t be a 10th time and he knew you would never say yes, not to him.

“I’m serious, Hanbin. I know it seems so stupid and, and hypocritical for me to be doing this after pushing you away so many time but I really did thought long and hard about it. I mean, god, this is my 6th attempt since that night after the party and like an hour circling your building before I could even show up here. I’m sure the cop thought I was casing the place so I could rob you. and what did I do… I resorted to kissing you then run away because none of the rehearsed line would come out. I’m a nervous wreck, Hanbin. I almost threw up onto the night guard, in the elevator, in front of your door, on you just now… I. I…”

Your feeble heart vomited all over the place only to once again failed to finish the wonderful speech that would’ve made stone cry. Shoving your face so deep onto your palms you make out the life lines, you let yourself melt under the tender hand rubbing warmth up and down your back.

“Yes.”

With one simple word, he reeled you back into reality. Finally finding the courage to look him in the face, you immediately found yourself getting lost in those beautiful brown eyes before sinking yourself into him. As always, his hold on you tighten, embracing away all your pain and doubts.

“You’re seriously too cute, you know that? six times? Wow, I must be some catch huh?”

The dulcet tone, the melodious voice, all was back along with the smile that was no longer contained but beamed even brighter than the light pollution outside.

“Hanbin~ don’t tease me.”

“Okay, baby. I’m just excited, that’s all.”

He exhaled the word so effortlessly, as if it’s second nature, as if you were always his “baby”.

“Excuse me but we haven’t even gone on a date. You can’t say that yet.”

“Oh, shut up. Yes, I can. Babyy.”

Rolling your eyes hard at him just being him, you couldn’t help but be elated at the way it sound, the connotation, the thought of you being his. Lifting your chin softly off his shoulder, he moved your lips to match his, closing the small space in between.

It started out soft, like the way the wind of spring tickle your skin through the flight of countless cherry blossom petals. His lips, soft like cloud but plump like the best ripen peach of the summer, pressing then pulling. With a tilt of the head, he deepen the contact, mouth needfully moulding against yours so slowly but firm and sure of what it wanted. Fingers in a tangled mess with your hair, his grip grew firm pulling your face even closer, wanting more, needing more. He was so feverish in this long awaited kiss that not even the literal breath taking contact could satisfy his craving. Whatever frost was ravaging your body earlier, his kiss sent them away, replacing them with fire. Orange. that was the only color flashing through your mind, shades of orange. Your body felt like a freshly fallen leaf of autumn, drifting through the wind unsure of where you’d end up at but you couldn’t care less. All you wanted is to enjoy the ride while the rest of the world burst up in flames of brilliant ombre of red, orange, and yellow. Without any warning, his tongue thrusted roughly into your parted lips, ravaging the inside with sensual licks. Yours quickly find itself welcoming his, taking in the bitterness of coffee that was much more pleasurable than the bitterness of the harsh winter outside. His fingers digging into the small of your back, kneading the soft flesh skillfully while his lips devoured yours for a few more minutes only parting by necessity of air. Panting softly, dizzy from kissing for so long, dizzy from his love, you rest your forehead against his, a small smile curling up to match his.

“I’m suppose to be working, babe. What are you making me do?”

He asked, landing a quick teasing peck before running his thumb across the swollen, red lips. Exhaustion evident from the way he broke away to lean back on the soft couch, head lulled to one side, eyes half lidded perhaps not from tiredness but drunken in love.

“You don’t seems to mind. Plus aren’t I dating the boss? Can’t you issue make out time with a wave of your hand?”

Not realizing that the neuron of your brain had command the sentence to be said aloud, embarrassed and shocked, you timidly played with his tie, avoiding his teasing gaze.

“Abusing my power already huh?”

“I don’t like that you’re overworking yourself. You need rest. If me distracting you mean your cute butt can relax then yea, I’ll abuse your power some more.”

“Well break time is definitely well within the realm of my power, your lips sadly are not. you’re gonna bleed if you keep up with the distraction.”

You walked your fingers from his abs up to his chest before gripping his chin gingerly in place.

“I don’t mind one bit.”

Instead of going back in for another kiss, you nibble along his lower lips, earning a low sexy groan. After a particularly harsh bite, you pulled away leaving him hissing in pleasure.

“Damn, you know how to play.”

“I try.” You gave a kittenish response, happily let your body fall into the arms of your new found love. You were finally readied to give up on the past, to let Hanbin caress you into a new life, you were ready…

“Are we really doing this? or is this just some pity party for turning me down so many time?”

His sentence, as clear and plain as it was sent a big pang to your heart. Your body rose up, getting ripped away from his warmth by the cruel mistress of winter. You knew it would take time to convince him but you weren’t prepared for the doubts, the way he questioned your feeling. Eyes diverging to the lights that would’ve been too assaulting to the eyes but now subdued from being on the 15th floor, dimly shone through the floor to ceiling window just behind that grand desk. Your words littered the path away from him, eventually trailing off once the cool glass relieved the hot tears on your cheeks.

“Look, Hanbin… I understand your reservation about ‘us’ and it’s all my fault. It took a lot for me to, to finally laid myself out for you to see, to pick at, to criticize. I know I deserve whatever dirty laundry you got to air out with me but please be honest with me. I’d rather you hurt me now th.. the… Uhm. sorry…”

Your already meek voice muted by the spark from the soft fingers lightly caressing the round of your shoulders, briskly spinning you back into the safety of his hold. You wanted to stand firm but every pass of his fingers, every squeeze his hand gave, every touch laid upon your body melt you into oblivion and you found yourself instinctively rest upon his strong chest.

“Hey, hey…. Come on, you know I don’t mean it like that. I would never hurt you. It’s just everything is so unreal. When you called, I hadn’t exactly expect much let alone having my dream girl pestering me for a date. It just take a minute, you know.”

“I know, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry.”

“Let’s put that pout away, huh. How bout we do that date right now?”

“No, you have to work. Plus you’re worn.”

“Nah, I’m never tired when I’m with you. I’m the boss right? and right now, the boss needs a date to recharge for the long work hours. I think I know the perfect coffee shop. It’s on the lower end but got great food, open all night…”

You knew exactly where this was going. If you were to ever become Hanbin’s sworn enemy, you knew for certain what he would always have over your head, the very day you tangled yourself in the mess that is the friendship with Kim Hanbin.

“Hmm, oh yea? and how’d you find this place huh, rich boy?”

“Just this weird girl I met once. She damaged my reputation then paid me in cheap coffee.”

Even with your face buried deep in the fabric of his shirt you could practically felt the smirk that was blooming on his face. Not really up to relent the addicting cologne mixed with Hanbin’s very distinct scent that had only intensified after a long day of work, you kept still. Muffling out a haphazard answer, you just wanted to prolong this perfect moment with your perfect boy and the perfect view over the bustling night life below.

“Sound quite atrocious, this girl. Did you get rid of her?”

“Oh! Not. A. Chance. I’m keeping her for eternity.”

“My beautiful girl” Hanbin sighed contently, that small smirk never left his lips as he pulled away just enough to let you onto those beautiful pools of brown that twinkled just a bit brighter than the illuminating skyline outside. Not bothering to pack up the organized chaos strewn atop the wooden furnitures, he held your hands in his, proudly and confidently bursted into the world outside knowing whatever happens from now on, it’ll be you and him. Neither of you will feel live another cold lonely while you’re both here.

“Did your brothers dusted you for fingerprint last night when you got home?”

Your eyes met with the cheekiest smile accompanied by the cutest little dimple that only seemed to magnify the playfulness he possessed. His eyes sparked with curiosity, pulling you close, full lips pressed lightly against your winter bitten cheek. Both your heart beat as one, still elated with the coziness and wavering nerve of your late night first date a mere 8 hours ago. Taking Hanbin’s outstretched hand, both of you retreated back to the private pleasantness behind the closed door, isolating yourselves against the gloomy world outside. Not that it mattered much where you were, with him, you could be in a dumpster and it’d still feel fuzzy and warm.

The evidences of your late night fun that had both of you arriving home closer to sunrise than sunset was well displayed by the lack of the well cut suits that was the norm for your statuesque boyfriend. His usual dapper gentleman image replaced with simple ripped jeans, t-shirt, and a heavenly soft black cardigan. The long locks that was so often pushed back was now soft and lax, having the short undercut below playing peek-a-boo. To the world, he was Kim Hanbin, successor of perhaps the biggest corporation in the country; a cold, haughty, calculated person and maybe just a bit too good at his job for someone so young. To say this all too familiar image of him to you shocked the whole company would be to say the least. It wasn’t strange for Hanbin to show up at work with you under his arms so all those stares, all those whispers, all the soft squeals from the young female employees were sure for the soft, fluffy boyfriend look that to them was non-existent.

The Hanbin you know was the mischievous and cheerful yet sensitive softy underneath all that icy facade. Who could blame him for those cold, and bitchy stares when his day job is being the best in the dog eats dog world that he got thrown in at a tender age of 20. No matter how much in love you were with this version of Hanbin or how many times he had reassured you, guilt was something you couldn’t denied for jeopardizing his health and work by keeping him out so late. Having clearly only arrived home for haste shower and a quick change, he was already back to assume the big boss role.

“You know it! God, I swear if it was up to them, I wouldn’t know the existent of boys till I’m 30.”

You retorted with a roll of the eyes, jokingly dodging a few kisses flying your way, elicited his sweet laughter to chase yours.

“Excuse me, mister. I don’t think your behavior is appropriate. We’ve only been on one date and I don’t even know you like that yet. Sir, Please calm yourself. My mother would be so disappointed with this type of behavior from a proper gentleman such as you are.”

You stated, factually. Pressing your index digit against his soft lips, you let your giggle mingled with his. Your retaliation seemed to only riled him up even more has his arms were now working toward caging your whole body against his, forcing his way into the crook of your neck, trailing small pecks down your collar bone.

“Ohh, I see what you’re doing. Just stay still and let me love you!”

Jokes and play fights weren’t anything new in your friendship, it’s only natural that it carried over to your newly hatched relationship. Countless times before while laying there breathless from laughing so hard with you still under his hold, he’d make you promise no matter what happen, you’ll make sure he never lose the childlike wonder. It was the only thing he had left to hold him back, to prevent the cutthroat world of business to consume him whole. Smacking kisses loudly on your cheek, he completely ignored your disgusted groans from the wet contacts, shrill laugh teared through your eardrums.

“Well, I’m sure the boy knew you existed you…”

Nuzzling his face gently against your hair, you felt a long sniff before he warmly cooed the sentiment against your shoulder. Whether it be excitement or nervousness, he sailed through that sentence faster than the brilliant shooting stars he had once brought you to see simply because you were feeling down. Or perhaps he had half heartedly hoped you wouldn’t catch the coquettish remark that weren’t of his usual forte. Compliments weren’t a strange occurrence with Hanbin. You lost count of all the time his words brought out the rosiness in your face faster than the whipping wind of winter. “beautiful”, “gorgeous” weren’t anything new but cheesy pick up lines are something of a mythical being. At this point, you were pretty certain they’re non-existing in Hanbin’s brain. A small gasp passed your lips as you tried your best to struggle your way through to get a better view of the handsome face under those messy yet beautiful locks.

Hanbin, the sweetest man in the world, capable of just about anything but if flirting was a sport, he’d definitely come last. Despite looking like a sex god with that intense, sharp stare and the cocky seductive smile. Body, envied by even the most well paid model. Hell, he’d put any human being on their Earth to shame. Yet, the boy couldn’t be more like an inexperienced puppy. He could make everyone from the interns to the cruelest of business partners, no matter the gender, swoon so hard they barely know what happened by just the curl of his lips into a spine chilling smirk. Yet rarely did you ever see that side of him. As oppose to the complexity of the big man fitting of running a company, Hanbin, the real him is simple. For him, love should be something innocent and in a way, blunt. Not a man of many words and never one for hidden agenda, Hanbin always calls things out as they are.

One look and you can tell how much he wished to just dig a hole, climb under, and never come back out again. Wondering why the hell was he so hot with that goofy smile blooming on his lips. Staring now at that sheepish grin blooming on his lips, that sweaty palm, the cute nervous giggle, the way his eyes couldn’t stay in one place, you were reminded of exactly why.

It was simple. He was just being him.

You love hanbin the way he is and no money in the world could convince you otherwise.

“Kim Hanbin, was that a line? Are you going cute on me right now?”

You stared at the bashful boy hiding his wonderful face behind the sweater paws. Nothing in this world prepared you for the day Hanbin decided to run a line by you. Caught off guard would be a severe understatement.

“Holy crap. Oh my God, it was!! Look at you, baby. All blushing.”

“Stooppp, babe~”

He warned you timidly, voice trailed off as embarrassment settled in. Your amusement only rocketed off the chart even more when the whining began. Ruffling up his dark chestnut locks, you devised a plan to get a peek at the shy boy. Kisses seemed to work as the barrier blocking you from your love loosen up a bit.

“Hey, I don’t get game laid on me often okay? Let me have this moment, please!”

To combat the endless amount of giggle pouring out from your lungs, he gave another loud muffled groan, digging his face deeper into your back as if he could teleport out of there. What to do but to poked and prodded at his side the best you could until he gave up loud high pitch yelps for help. Not one to back down from a fight, the hands that were so peacefully rested against your stomach began piano their way upward to your weak spots, ripping the atmosphere with your crisp laughter. Knowing if you were to ever die from any unnatural causes, it’d be from tickling, he always used it to his advantage. At the slightest touch of the soft finger pads, he sent you slumping over onto the plush velvet couch, kicking and screaming for your life.

“Now, I am very sorry that I can’t be one of those cute, suave boyfriend all the time for you. But, what i cannot, will not be sorry for is that your little butt think you can somehow win a tickle fight against me.”

His voice oozed with confident, unlike the shy small voice earlier. Your soul smiled satisfyingly knowing your plan to get him to relax worked, nothing like a play fight to bring the kid out of him.

“Alright, I’ll stop… No, please babe. I’ll stop teasing you!”

“Promise you’ll be good?”

“Yes, babe. No, not my thigh… HANBINNN. I’ll do anything.”

Nearly died choking from the laughter piling up inside your throat that was pushing their way out, you curled your body up admitting defeat. Once you managed to suppressed the ugly guffaw only Hanbin seems to be able to brought out, he gingerly laid atop your body as your words turned serious.

“I’m serious though. Don’t worry about your game or, or being cute for me. You’re always effortlessly cute even if you don’t realize it. If I were to fall for any games, it’d definitely be yours…”

Finally abled to entrap his full focus, his relentless hands ceased their teasing as your enticing sentence faded off. Serene came back to his alluring features once the pure, comforting silent sinked back over the room. Brushing a few strands matted to your face from the sweat remnant of earlier fun, his lips lingered, hovering just a hair above yours. Waiting patiently for the ending of that sentence that could quench his thirst for your love, a content smile shined on his face.

“… Plus, I’m already yours. Aren’t I?”

If any smile in this world that could heal the Earth, it’d be his. That cute gummy grin that slowly chipped away the frost in your heart found itself blinding you. The way the corners of his lips reacted faster than his brain could, quickly reaching up to reveal those perfect pearly whites only to dipped back down coyly into a small bashful grin. You could always tell the genuine nervousness of by the way those pink, plush lips would occasionally get quickly graze over by his tongue, trying its best to contain itself from the overwhelming excitement. His eyes, so kind and caring yet just a smidgen of playfulness showing through making the whole experience unparalleled. As if your heart haven’t beat fast enough, there’s the dimple that topped off the whole cake that is his ridiculously unreal smile.

With that cheerful expression, his eyes indecisive of their destination tearing themselves apart between your eyes and lips. Something about this shy reaction tugged hard at our heartstrings, sending the most genuine warmth that could only be rivaled by that carefree sunny day when your love for him were still under wraps. You had spent the day happily roaming the colorful field of flowers behind his countryside vacation home, hand in hand under the energetic summer sky. Helping him along, your hands cupped his cheek softly, holding his attention in place with a soft smile of your own.

“I might have seemed less than interested last night when you asked but believe me, I thought my exultant heart was going to explode from beating so fast. I know you already said you’re mine but there’s uhm something I wanna ask…”

Once the confident regained, his heart and soul reached up to you by means of his soothing voice that always dropped deeper than normal when he gets serious, making it even more pleasurable to the ears.

“Be mine forever?”

Offering his whole world, a comforting hand to guide you through whatever hardships to come; and he done it in a way that was so him, heartfelt and simple.

“Always”

To commemorate the moment, his lips finally closed the distance. Unlike the heated, ravaging make out session the night before, this was caring and innocent, reflecting much of what is Hanbin. His touch so light and gentle yet the biggest impact was felt by your whole existent, shattering whatever left of that box you had locked your fragile heart away in.

“Mine. Kim Hanbin is mine, forever. I like that.”

“Me too, girlfriend.” Softly burying himself into the crook of your neck, he let himself murmurs the long waited name he had been dreaming about calling you since the fated day you met.

“Why are you so good to me?”

Much to your perplexity, he chuckled in amusement as if it was something so obvious, clear as day but somehow alluded your understanding.

“Simple. Seeing your smile makes letting things go that much easier. At the end of the day, I know no matter how tumultuous life gets from here on out, I can always count on your smile being the thing that save me. I’ve been at this job for awhile now and it drains me. Ever since you stepped into my life, I go to work with a smile on my face. That’s a lot more than I could ever ask for. An uncomplicated life where I can confidently live because I have love, your love.”

Whispered gleefully, he peeled off pressing a big kiss onto your smiling lips. Letting his eyes fluttered close, head rested on your chest, he let his soul mingled with its possibly life long partner. Mirroring his action, you closed your eyes, letting out a content sigh.

I’m home again.

It’s a bit ridiculous that tonight already marks two years since you let the red strings connecting your existences tangled with each other. You could only guess this is how fast life past when you’re happy. Every second spent with him had been so wondrous that you couldn’t help but be nostalgic on a special night like this. Learning to be with Hanbin had never been hard. He made it so utterly effortless to love him and everything he does. Sitting here, getting all dolled up for another milestone in your relationship, you could barely contain your joy. Who would’ve thought the young boy you bulldozed over so many Christmas ago would become the stars to your night.

“What’s so funny about putting on lipstick, baby? I wanna know! I demand you let your boyfriend know, now!”

As always, high strung and overly excited about the most mundane things you do. Sauntering over from the bathroom, he’s busily cuffing the shirt that had to have been cut for his body because by god, he looks absolutely ravishing. Still marveling at the magnificent person you have the honor of calling your man, you completely ignore the fact that you should’ve been readied by now, and not recalling old memories. Repeating his question once more, he snakes his arms around your torso, pulling you back into a hug.

“I was just remembering old stuff. Do you remember how we met?” You ask, fingers fidgeting with the tub of lipstick in front of his wide doe eyes.

“THAT’S RIGHT!” he exclaims, nearly shock the soul out of you. “You kissed me even before asking for my name! It was this exact color, it was this exact color wasn’t it.” His eyes spark with the utmost delight recalling the fond yet quite literally painful event.

“Oh my god, don’t get so full of yourself. It was an accident. I did not kiss you, mister. My lips just, you know, happened to landed on you chest.”

Glaring hard, you push him off your body but not without resistant. The needy pair of arms still entangling themselves, trying to keep your body close.

“Yea, yea. And marked me, on my brand new white shirt. Is that how you flirt? going around marking devastatingly handsome stranger with lipstick? My bum still hurt thinking about it.”

A cute pout forms on the handsome face. His hand guiding yours, he smooths it over his back side much to your protest.

“Ey, stop fighting. I know you wanna touch my butt. I see you staring, stop acting like you hate it.”

Sending a thunderous smack to his bottom, you pull away to finish your make up, letting yourself lost in the old endearing memories through his words.

It was a day like any other in the cruel cold of December. The road slicked with ice and air bitter with the skin piercing wind. Unlike the rest of the crowd casually strutting the street, enjoying the twinkling lights and the colorful decoration, you stood out like a sore thumb. Racing down the street, you did your best to stay up right. Working a retail job in the make up department had never been easy but something about the tis’ the season to consumerism that made everything a whole lot worse. The rigorous training you were put through meticulously prepared you for absolutely everything and anything, down to zombie apocalypse and the 3 layers thick makeup as per required by the rule. What it didn’t do was prepping for the holiday rush that would make Santa and his elves spin with craziness. Nearly losing an arms and both legs from the constant needy grabbing hands of customers, you were officially delayed another 30 minutes from your usual shift end.

I can walk. What in the world make you think that was a good idea. Ugh

Mocking yourself for turning down you brother’s offer of his car this morning, you teared your eyes away from the impossible sardine packed bus pulling away from the curb, footstep continued fast. Not even having enough time to change or getting rid of the gaudy makeup, all you could think of was getting to class on time. Ignoring the cold whipping your face into numbness and vision darkening, you picked up your speed. Depending on what time it was, there was a slight chance you haven’t missed too much of the class. You hastily pulled your phone out of your pocket just enough to see the soft white numbers on the screen before everything went black

- 6:15 PM -

Groaning loudly, you pushed yourself off the surprisingly soft, warm ground. Still sitting, you dusted yourself off and checked for injury before a sudden intruding thought drawn all the blood from your body.

Wait, we’re dead in the middle of December, on the sidewalk. So why is whatever i’m sitting on so war-

Glancing downward, your face practically burned itself off from the mortifying, awkward position you seemed to have put yourself in. You were neatly perched atop a young stunning guy in red flannel, straddling across just the right part of his body.

“Excuse me, miss. I don’t think my father would approve of this style of behavior from such a proper young lady such as you are. I mean we’ve barely met. I don’t even know your name, yet the position we’re in…”

The most mischievous smirks perked up in between words, yanking you out of the shocked induced silent. The loudest gasp left your mouth as your soul exited your body from the inquisitive eyes and teasing giggles of a few high schoolers passing by. To worsen it all, a few elders struggling around the icy road still had enough time to spare a few disproval shakes of the head.

“SHIT. I am so so so sorry!”

“Now that we’ve established that you’re apologetic, can you maybe let me up?”

Muttered another “sorry”, you hopped off the toned body checking yourself a second round for scruffs and scratches. Your relieved smile faltered as your eyes matched perfectly with the burgundy lip print smacked dab in the middle of his chest, bright contrast against the crisp white shirt hiding under the heavy, long black coat. Another loud gasp left your lungs as your hands clasped tight over your mouth in pure shock. Judging from the way this guy dressed, head to toe in brands, he was made of money. No way in hell would you ever be able to compensate for the damage of ruining his close to godliness shirt that probably costed more than your liver and kidney combined.

Having been so busy examining the small scratch on his hand, his attention snatched away by the air leaving your body.

“Why are you gasping no- Oh, I see.” His voice serious, hands on hips, eyes strained on the lip print.

“Well, someone gotta take responsibility for this here.” The devilishly handsome smirk still presented on his lips as his hand circled the obvious spot. I mean, I was just gonna let you go with a warning. You know, seeing how it’s so close to the holiday, getting my good deed of the year in but now…” Smacking his lips, he gave a regrettable looks.

“I’m so sorry. I, uhh, I’ll do what I can. I mean, you have to excuse me, i’m still in school… I don’t have that much money.”

Your voice trailed off to something dismal, not by the embarrassment of your status that was paled in comparison to the 1% shiningly glaring in front of you but the thought of having done something you would never be able to make up for. Eyes averting his intense gaze, your head dipped low, sighing

“Nah, don’t worry about money. Cash isn’t a problem for me. I really appreciate you being honest with me though, not much of that going around these days.”

As his voice simmered, you could see a cloud of despondency clotted the previously clear eyes as the word “honest” left his teeth. Quickly regaining his quirk, with a clear of the throat, he continued on as though nothing had happened.

“ My reputation is on the line here. I can’t be walking around known as the guy that got marked and run by some strange but quite breathtaking stranger. Come on, the damage is done. Are you really going to leave me here wondering about who you are late at nights when I can’t sleep?”

Both grateful for his nonchalantness on the severity of the damage and bewildered at his eccentric self, the driest chuckle spewed out.

“You’re kidding me. I don’t suppose you want to grab a coffee?”

“Impressive. Cute and a mind reader!”

A heavy slap to your shoulder nearly sent you flying back onto the cold ground. You sighed, pushed out a breathy defeated laugh at his pathetic but somehow cute attempt at a wink, knowing he won this round.

“Man, somebody gotta teach you how to wink. Last I checked, you wink with one eye, not both. You uh get girls with that?”

“Hey, it worked fine for the last 20 years. You owe me, remember? Last I checked, I’m only doing this because you damaged me, alright? Plus, you spilled the one I had.”

Sighing seemed to be your favorite activity of the day because another lungs full of air left your mouth loudly. Eyeing the sad puddle of dark liquid pooling by his feet and the dented cup, you knew there was no way to get out of this. All and all, you were just glad he didn’t asked for something heavier.

“Fine. Just a warning, I’m not made of gold and silver spoon fed like someone here so can we keep the coffee shop on the lower end please. I can’t be going into a life long debt for you.”

You were somewhat done with his teasing words by this point and just wanted to move on with your day.

“Then next time don’t go bulldozing people over then dry hump them in public.”

“I didn- whatever. you’re ridiculous, you know that?”

Smug doesn’t even began to cover the expression that was dancing on the God sculpted features.

“I know I am. Come on, don’t be mad. I’m just having a bit of Christmas cheer. It’s not exactly abundant for me lately. Why were you in such a hurry anyways? if you don’t mind me asking.”

Reality finally settled in, you slapped your forehead in shock.

“Oh fuck, my class. Damn it, stranger. You made me missed my class.”

“It’s Hanbin and you did that all on your own. What do I call you, little clumsy girl?”

He retorted snappily, faked anger radiating from the arms raising as if he’s trying to make himself bigger, as if the almost 6 foot tall towering over you isn’t big enough.

“It’s Y/N and you’re taking responsibility for me failing my class.”

It was his turn to sigh in defeat as there was no backing down for you either. After all, why should you take crap from some guy that for all you know, could be a swindler.

“Fine, fine. How about this? If by the end of your school year and you fail your class. Provided I somehow tolerate your ass for that long without driving myself insane and bet off all my fortune, I’ll do whatever to compensate you. Deal??”

“Deal!” You exclaimed cheerfully taking his large hand for a pinky swear before trudging off toward the small coffee shop you’ve spent countless sleepless nights mulling a cup, or maybe 6, over final study.

“So is it like a normal daily occurrence for you to knock over stranger or is it a one time thing?”

“You’re an idiot, Hanbin.”

Snapping back to reality, you take advantage of the still dazed boy staring at himself in the mirror while grinning like an idiot recalling the fond memory, you smack a big kiss on his cheek. Smirking proudly at the mark left behind, much life the one that started the best friendship you have, you ignore a flailing whining Hanbin complaining loudly about ruining his moment.

“Babe, must you go and mark me all the time? I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I got laughed at that day after coffee with you because you put pink Hello Kitty bandaids all over my hand.”

Groaning loudly, he pushes you out of the way with one swift move to get a closer look in the mirror. Whining like a toddler, his fingers furiously wiping at the dark muted re prints on his pale skin, only he was just making it much worse.

“ You’re such an idiot, would you had rather I left it bleeding everywhere? Your secretaries told me they were just snickering a lil bit, not laughing. Plus what’s wrong with that? You’re mine. Think of it as a warding charm. Lord know how many girls’ and guys’ panties you cream a day just from walking by.”

“Stop calling me idiot. I know I am one sometimes but ugh… Babeeeee!”

“Stop cutting me off. Plus, If I may call the jury attention to exhibit A and B, one criminal known as Kim “lady killer” Hanbin likes to mark me in very dark and cruel and gruesome manners.”

Pulling down the collar of your dress just enough to reveal the blooming shades of crimson, purple, some even yellow along your shoulder blades and collar bones, you cock an eyebrow at him inquisitively, waiting patiently for what the flustering boy has to say. His jaw nearly drop as his fingers abandoning their original task, jetting over to stop yours from stripping down even further.

“Okay, okay, point taken. You know I’m only obsess with you so don’t worry, baby. Even when I close my eyes, only you’re there. No one else.”

Always good at swooning you, Hanbin never fails to say the most endearing sentiments without even having to try.

“I know. And only you shine the brightest in my eyes. It’s just fun to recreate our first moment together now and then. I think the shade is very fitting on your skin, don’t you think so?”

Wiggling out of the hold you have on his head to help wipe off the remnant of crimson, his lips lurch forward, planting a big one on yours before laughing victoriously.

“I think it’s much nicer on you, don’t waste it on my ugly mug.” fingers gently caressing your cheeks, his eyes enthrall in yours as if they hold the secret to the universe as he continues. “I love you so so much. Happy anniversary, babe.”

“I love you too. Here’s to many more together.”

Almost glowing with happiness, you return the favor before gently cleaning the remaining smudges before continuing on with the night.

“Alright, let’s get going. I know I got some serious juice but even I had a hard time getting this reservation for us.”

“Oh Em Gee. Wow. Finally something my great Hanbin struggles with. I never thought i’d live to see the day.” you exclaim loudly and sarcastically knowing full well he hates having the attention on him.

“Hey, no mocking the guy that’s taking you to dinner. Unless you wanna starve, keep it up you little cheeky monkey.”

Raising both hands up, you back away letting him have the lead. Despite promising you no extravaganza this year, you were still greeted with endless amount of flower delivered to your job. You were ready to let him have it when your eyes met with the most beautiful dress, perfectly laid out on your bed next to a handsome suit. On top seated a small note with his chicken scrawl that only you seem to be able to decipher. Quite a few times you received distressing texts from his secretaries, desperate for help in solving the puzzles that were his instruction to avoid the wrath of the already stressed out boss.

“To my ever ethereal girl that had made the last few years of my life out of this world. I love you. I will be expecting you in that dress, tonight at 9PM. Love, your Hanbin.”

Smiling in defeat, you should’ve known better than to take his words. If there was one thing that will never fails to bring the light to his day would be that he get to spoil you anytime he wants. No matter how many time you nagged or tried to stand firm, you always ended up having to console a pouting boy that you just weren’t materialistic, that he only needed to be him for you to be happy. No matter how you flip it, twist it, turn your explanation inside out, his answer, or rather whine, would be the same.

“But babeeee, I can’t help it. If you want me to be me, then let me spoil you. Of course I know you’re not that kind of girl. I just love buying my girlfriend presents. Nothing wrong with that.”

You were so busy letting the soft lace and smooth fabric graces your skin when he skillfully crept out of nowhere, hooking his hands tightly around your waist.

“Do you like it?” He asked softly, knowing he’ll be safe as long as you’re in his arms.

“Baby, what did I say about buying me unnecessary things… How’d you even know I like this dress?” You half nagging but couldn’t denied the fact that you were very happy he paid attention to your interest.

“I have my way. Now go get ready.”

The sudden halt of the car twists your smile into a gasp of amazement, pushing the recent memory out of mind. You raise your eyebrows so high they nearly touch your hairline. Grabbing the outstretching hand that had just open the car door, you were honestly more entice by the flashing dimple beholding in front of you rather than the gleaming sight of the possibly fanciest estate you’ve ever set foot in. Glancing back the way his roaring sport car had just rolled in, you nearly faint just from the grand driveway lines with endless bushes of flower despite it being dead winter.

“Come on, babe.”

Hooking your arm in his, your attention snaps back to the mansion that’s might as well a castle. The impeccable white walls void of even the most infinitesimal speckle of wear and tear from the weather. The great columns holding up the 3 stories high blue roof shine softly in front of endless panes of windows enclosed by golden ornate details. You hadn’t realize coming in but looking back now, the intricate black gate with matching filigree detailed fence is no where to be seen as if the outer edge of a lawn so far out that it dropped off the curve off the Earth. The soft voice of the doorman shakes you back to reality.

“Ah, Mr. Kim. Good to see you again, it has been awhile.”

“Yes, awhile indeed. Good to see you are well.”

It wasn’t often Hanbin brought you to places where he’d be address as Mr. Kim, not because he was ashamed of your status but rather if he himself feels stuffy and uncomfortable in such environment, like a monkey in a suit he puts it. He couldn’t imagine how dull and restricting it must be for such a free spirit as you are.

“Do I have the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Kim today?”

The very well dressed man directs his attention to your still ogling eyes at how magnificent and grand everything was. Hanbin tighten the arm he has around you, the brightest smile you’ve seen, brighter than any of the gold moulding above on the ceiling with a painting you had only seen in your art history class, brighter than the gleaming crystal chandelier that’s more breathtaking than the stars above. You couldn’t help yourself but wear a big smile, though not quite as dazzling as his. The second he caught the cheeky expression on your face, his cheeks redden, a sudden awkward swirl of coughs strew out of his lungs.

“My good man, don’t go and give her any crazy idea now.”

“Right, my apologies. Well, have a good dinner.”

Chuckling at his fumbling words, the well dressed man direct both of you through the biggest set of door you’ve ever seen, so big you were sure they’d need some sort of mechanic to open.

“Hmm… So. I shouldn’t go get any crazy ideas huh, Mr. Kim?“

You somehow manage to tear your eyes away from the marble Imperial staircase, curling and turning along with its golden iron wrought railing leading up to what has to be even more wealth and extravagant you’d probably never see again after tonight.

“No, babe. It’s not like that… I”

“It’s okay. I just want to prepare myself, you know. In case the process to becoming fit for the title Mrs. Kim is going to be a strenuous one. God know there’s a rulebook for that too. You guys have rulebook for everything.”

Seeing the panic stricken eyes, you couldn’t help but taking in the full advantage of the situation.

“Baby, I didn’t mean it like that. I assure you, there’s no rulebook, no process. I.. I just.. Damn it, why is this so hard.”

“Hanbin, calm down. I’m just messing with you a bit. Mrs. Kim sounds perfect.”

Nearly breaking a sweat and ruining his perfectly made hair, you let him off easy. The last thing you need is wrecking his night.

“Really? you mean it?” That brilliant smile was brought back, just like that, this time 10 folds.

“Of course, weirdo. I mean, right now is probably not the best time for marriage but you know it doesn’t hurt to talk about it. Dream a little, for when we’re ready.” Reaching up to fix his tie, you give the reassuring smile he was looking for. His features soften and soon a kiss finds its way to your lips, as sweet as ever. If only you knew what was running through the mind of the boy with the smile of relief on his lips.

With another “I love you” melting away into the air, he escorts you up the palatial staircase to the grand ballroom where endless rows of tables and chairs neatly line themselves up awaiting guests.

Soon before long dinner was over and it’s as mind blowing as you thought it would be. Having a few glances at the lavish dinning room, you will probably never get used to the exorbitant lifestyle the 1% of the 1% lives. Sure you can get dressed up and fake the part but deep down, you love your simple life too much to have such wasteful nights for no reason. Luckily for you, Hanbin and his family are just the same way. Having worked his way up from the bottom, the senior Mr. Kim values hard work and anyone that can live honestly.

The first time you had met the Kim family it was at a place that was better if not at least rivaled this place. They had full service from head to toe, private room, private dinner. Having seen too many drama, you had honestly half expecting one of those awkward dinner scene where his mom would faint because he’s dating some ordinary girl while his dad throws a fit about him marrying the conniving yet beautiful daughter of the rival company.

The actual meeting went astronomically well to the surprise of your nervous heart. His mom was probably the loveliest person in the world. Constantly addressing you by name, complimenting, doting you like her own daughter. It’s not hard to see where he got his caring nature from. His dad, a true entrepreneur, combed you for your life plan, your education, short term goal, the whole shebang. Then there was his little sister, cheeky little monkey but super cute and adorable. The second you practically crawl on the ground to play with her, Hanbin knew everything would be alright, that you would be a perfect fit for their perfect little family. Having discovered your little expectation of how his family would be after you shyly confessed on the car ride home, Hanbin didn’t stop laughing for a good 5 days.

Nearing euphoria, you swear there would be nothing that could dampen your mood now. Stomach full of good food, you sit back and relax waiting for the dessert that Hanbin insisted on ordering despite you protesting with all your might. Knowing full well there would be no fighting the guy, you let him be. After all, it was yours and his special night and you’ll be damn if you ruin it by not having dessert.

Excusing yourself to the lady’s room, you were hoping to walk some of the food off by trekking to the far one you had spotted on your way up. Still at awe with every intricate and unreasonably precious details, you let yourself get lost in the atmosphere, imagining yourself being born as a princess. This must be how Cinderella felt like descending the staircase at the castle. You had thought when a sudden intrusion pierce through your veil of happiness, shattering it like a measly eggshell under the weight of an elephant.

It was a voice. A voice unlike any other. This was the voice that had you lost in the deepest of space during rainy nights while entangled between sheets. The same one that felt like spring when it sounded out your name so lovingly and effortlessly when picking you up from work, shredding all your exhaustion to bits. You thought it would haunts you for the rest of your life when it left you alone, and lost in more ways than one in a half empty apartment. One that would eventually, even though painstakingly slow, got replaced with the voice of Hanbin.

For a split second, it was as though your whole body got thrown into the vortex of time, traveling at incredible speed back to those days struggling over assignment deadlines. You could be in an amnesia and could still recognize that gentle voice and infectious laugh anywhere. Cold sweat breaking, you frantically search through the streams of people laughing and everything halts to a stop. Faintly, the voice bursts out with color while everything else was black and white in slow motion like an old school silent film. Faster than lightening, you spin in place, frantically searching for the source before a firm hand snaps you back to reality.

“Are you okay, Miss? I can go get Mr. Kim for you.”

Clearing your throat, you open your eyes to see the well dressed man from earlier with a concerning look on his face.

“No, I’m alright. Just thought I saw a ghost from the past, that’s all.”

Giving a weak smile, you try your best to sell your lies to the young man. If the voice belong to who you think it does, you’re far from being okay but it’d be the end of the world before you risk ending Hanbin’s perfect night, your perfect night.

“Well, I’ll be on my way then. Have a good night!”

Whispering a well wish for the rest of his night, you part way, trudging back up the stair, back to your love.

“There you are. I was sure you had climbed out the window and left me with the bill. You alright, baby?”

Pressing your hands against your cheeks, you could still feel the frost of the blood leaving your body from your spectral encounter moments ago.

“I’m fine. I saw the balcony and wanted to peek outside a bit. It got a bit cold. Did you know there’s a freaking lake and a big garden in the back? Blown my mind there.”

Rambling on in hope of hiding your fear, you dig into the dessert without warning.

“Oh. Come on. I waited for you like half an hour and now you steal all my sweet.”

Another half hour of bickering and the voice was completely washed out of your mind. That’s how your relationship had always been with Hanbin. No matter how, what life throws at you, he seemingly fixes it without any problem. He has this strange capability of just blanking out your mind of all worries.

Finally exiting the great dinning hall, you snuggle up close to his side, completely blissful and unaware of the incoming ice berg of problem that even Hanbin might not be able to fix this time.

“Y/N?”

No. Not now. Why is the voice so clear now and why was it calling your name. Staring up at Hanbin, that expression, he must’ve heard it too as his face stiffen, eyes immediately search for yours.

“Y/N? Hanbin?”

Tearing away from looking at each other, you both finally look up toward the person that’s making your dinner dances excitingly in your stomach right now waiting to be regurgitate.

“It’s been awhile, hasn’t it. Good to see you two.”

Hanbin smiles first.

“Son Hyunwoo. Wow. It’s great to see you, and here out of all the place. This must mean you’re quite successful now, yes?”

You’re still frozen on the spot, arms clutching onto Hanbin as if you’d drown the second he lets go. There he was. The owner of the ghost voice you thought you’d purged of. Yet here he stand, still as handsome as ever, tall and well built. Hell, well built is probably an understatement. Even under that trench coat and the suit that was much more of Hanbin’s style than the Hyunwoo you remember, you could still mentally trace out the dip and the curve of his muscles.

The crinkles in the corner of his eyes. The way his eyes shy away into crescents when those thick lips smile charmingly revealing the tiniest gap in between his front teeth. The strong eyebrows. The tan skin. Everything was just as you remember except it wasn’t. It’s like there’s a more seasoned, a sense of maturity flourishing in the way he speaks, the way he carries himself.

“Nah, nothing compare to you. How are you, Y/N?”

Ah, one thing remains the same. The way his eyes soften when he looks at you…

“I…I’m fine. You?”

Cringing a bit inside, you cuss at yourself for being so pathetic and meek finally meeting him after so long. You had vowed that when you finally meet again, you’ll show him that you’re good, that you’re better but judging from your performance now, you wouldn’t be able to fool a 3 years old let alone Son Hyunwoo.

“Good, good. I had a company meeting tonight.” He mutters, letting his eyes fall onto the intimacy between your body and Hanbin’s. There it was. That awkward head scratch he does whenever he’s unsure about something. Taking the chance, you speak up, this time clear and concise.

“It’s our 2nd anniversary.”

“I see. Well, I’ll let you guys be on your merry way. It was really good to see you two, let’s meet again soon. Happy anniversary.”

If you didn’t know any better, you would say that last bit didn’t want to leave his teeth, trying its best to cling on and never escape. Hanbin stares back at you, graceful smile twinkles on his lips as he pats your cheek. You know exactly what he was doing. After all, he was there when you had your heart ripped out by the man lost in nostalgia that is now disappearing into the background, eyes closely staring at his own ghost` walking off into the night under someone else’s arm.

“I’m fine, babe. I have you now.”

You whisper, nudging his side when the million dollars question fails to come out of his lips.

“I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

“Yes you were. You know I hate being ask if I’m okay. You got scare I might kick your butts if you ask, weren’t you. That’s why you kept trying to telepathically communicate with me cause if you didn’t say it out loud, I can’t do anything.”

“Ugh, you got me, right in the heart. Now let’s go home. I’m cold, I need a good cuddle.”

Clutching his chest, Hanbin swing his body dramatically as if he had been shot for real, successfully in pulling out your laugh. You quickly wrap yours arms around his flailing body, not so much out of embarrassment but the guilt of the crowd having to witness the usually private cheesy banter between you and him. Once a few derisive pairs of eyes from a group of older ladies bore into your bodies, you both cough to clear the air before walking off, still snickering. Having a quick laugh just as the valet pulls up his car, he opens the car door and helps you in before getting in himself.

Once the air settled and the excitement gone, you stare at the passing street light, orange alternating dark patches of shadow, hypnotizing you into a trance of the past.

“Baby! Babe!”

“Huh? Where are we?”

You glance back at him, then out the windows. The grand manor befitting of Jay Gatsby was now far gone, the road speckles with snow mix in with slurries of lights from the vision damaging neon signs of the city.

“5 min from home. Are you sure you’re okay.”

“Yea. I’m good. Just a lil tired, can’t wait to crawl into bed with you.”

Oh how the night had started off so fitting of the occasion but now, all the pouring memories were that of something so different. You had let the past half hours drive lost upon memories that were at one point, happy. Now it resembles more of the old box of trinkets and junks from high school that you had tucked away in the attic for so long that it is simple what it is, old memories. By all mean, you would never wish for the time you spent with Hyunwoo to go away. Him leaving didn’t damage nor does it make it any less valuable. It’s sometimes, memories just shouldn’t be dig up.

From the first moment your eyes met his from across the Greco pillars and delicate trimming of the grand library in your school, you were infatuated. He stood out magnificently even against the sea of zombie state induced by the upcoming finals. Not just by his size, which good God the guy was practically a giant, but by something beyond physical attraction. There was something intriguing about the stature that could put Hercules to shame, hunching softly over the large marble table that held a few notebooks, scribbling away without care in the world. His movement so soft, so nimble that you couldn’t fathom how such a muscular guy could be so fluid; This was something he went on to prove was possible beyond the shadow of a doubt when he took you to dance practice later on in the relationship. You hadn’t thought much once the glorious view was blocked by some bloke sitting down across from him. It was final time and the last thing you need was to be enamored with some random guy you weren’t even sure would be around after this quarter. Little did you know, fate had a funny way of intertwining people’s lives, or perhaps it was just bored with watching the Earth turns. Not even 5 minutes later when you were engulfing yourself under the mountains of study, the most angelic voice tickled your eardrums, drawn your attention back to the real world.

“I’m so so sorry to bother you but by any chance, are you close to finish with that book? All the copies are checked out and you’re the first person I see with it…”

“Not really… I just checked it out.” You said regrettably, half hoping he’d stay.

“Uhm, would you mind if I share it with you? I hope I’m not being too forward… I’m Hyunwoo.”

His smile so timid and face so gentle, as oppose to the tone physique, broad shoulders, thick arms and strong legs that were now towering over your small slumping form. What are the freaking odds. You were in a 4 stories library, holding probably close to a thousand souls and he needed the book you were holding.

“Not at all, if you promise to help me.” You had said, soaking in the warmth of the handsome stranger. Within minutes, you both found yourselves abandoning study to chat about life, about each other. By the end of that hour, you had found yourself smiling for absolutely no reason while basking in the smooth tan skin that was glowing softly in the dim winter’s sun, hoping his smile was because of you. A week passed and you were sitting on his lap at a Christmas gathering of some friends you found to have in mutual. Being the sweet gentle giant that he is, never once did he reject your attempt of snuggling up to his body for warmth even if it meant he had to hold your sleepy form for hours during your long naps.

His mannerism, his touch, the way he speak, everything about Hyunwoo was so soft and surreal. Whenever you were near, his muscular arm instinctively wrapped around your body, disregarding of who was watching or where you were. He just knew that he wanted you as close to him as possible, why he had yet to figure out. Month ending and neither of you could step foot anywhere without the big question pestering from every direction. “Why the hell aren’t you two official yet?”

The answer to that question came a mere 6 months after that day in the library, one particularly sweltering hot June night. To everyone else it was just a day like any other but for you, it had been special up until a slam of the door shattering all your plan. Your usually understanding teddy bear had stormed off in a fit of anger, leaving you to cry in frustration.

The night before, having sat through half an hour of an especially pretty girl snaking her arms around the man you couldn’t call yours, you finally had enough when those delicious full lips failed to put up any fight when she closed in on them. The rare side of you, the sarcastic jerk he loved to hate, came out. He made the big mistake of being a gentleman, checking on you after you huffed home in a fit of fury. You let it came down like a tsunami, taking your full rage out on him not even caring that you had no ground to stand on, no reason why you should be furious in the first place. He was completely single and 100% not yours to be possessive about.

You sat on your bed now, finger toying with the small pink ribbon so neatly curled atop the small box with “Happy Birthday, Hyunwoo” written in the corner. You let your mind ran wild, imagining his big biceps wrapping around her petite frame. Her long pastel pink locks sway softly as he twirls her around in a dance. He was the embodiment of a dance god. You had never seen anyone moved with such grace and power. No matter what the song was, he was always one with the music. Your overactive imagination ran all the way to how she’d snuggles up close to his side, head resting on his firm pecs, finger grazing that tone hard abs, you had felt over his shirt too many times through his bear bug but never were lucky enough to touch, as they blow out the candles.

Unbeknown to you, a few tears had made their way down your cheeks, hanging precariously on the line of your jaw. Sighing softly, you finally let yourself admit to the God above that you fell hard for the impossible man.

Heaving off your bed, you had intentionally waited till it was closer to the last stroke of 12 to pay a visit, hoping everyone would be one drink too wasted to notice. As you drawn closer to the familiar patch of grass, you could hear the music thumping, party at its peak inside. Letting the overbearing sound of cheers erupting inside drowned out your senses, you quietly let your sadness dripped out, slipping the small box into his mailbox.

“Happy birthday, Hyunwoo. I hope you get everything you wish for.”

Letting yourself lingered for a moment, you whispered softly before turning away.

“I really thought you weren’t gonna show.”

Shocked frozen, you stood there lamenting over how your well thought out plan could’ve failed so miserably. You had been so preoccupied with hiding that you never noticed the figure lurking about the front porch, or the pair of eyes that was watching your action closely, or the footsteps drowned out by the screaming party goers.

Hyunwoo pulled you into a tight embrace, flushing your body tight against his. You knew fighting would be futile so you stood there, limp in the back hug you had missed so so much.

“How could I? It’s my best friend’s birthday after all. What kind of person would I be if I missed out?”

Your voice meek and sorrowful, barely abled to contain the sob within.

“Then how come it looked like you were leaving with out saying hi?”

No energy to fight, you silenced yourself, letting the soundless tears drop freely. Not wasting any more precious time, he easily spun you around wiping away the tears. Reaching to secure the small present you had left him and with you in tow, he made his way through the small path that lead tot he back of his house. Caging you against the hidden corner, Hyunwoo let his eyes traced out every edge, every curve of your face as if it’d be the last time he sees you. Without much warning, he lowered himself and pressed the most delicate kiss onto your stinging lips.

“I love you.”

He whispered. Returning for second, he moulded his lips against yours, devouring them in a flurries of passion. His hands grab onto whatever part of your body they could. He needed to feel you, to be so close to you that this kiss could barely satisfied his craving. Under the sky full of star with the soft summer breeze that hardly alleviated the heat radiating from both shiny slick full of sweat bodies, sticky from the heat, he let his love poured out like a mantra in between kisses.

“God, I thought I was gonna have to spend my birthday all alone. I’m so glad you’re here.”

Hand cupping his jaw, you managed to push him off just enough to gasp for a lungs full of air before his lips reattached itself to your jaw.

“There’s literally a house full of people celebrating inside, all for you. Hyunwoo, Hyun-”

You voice lost upon the harsh kiss blooming on your neck that was making its way to your collar bones.

“So? Plus, none of those bastards noticed i’ve been out here waiting for you the last hour or two. You would’ve run after me immediately.”

The kiss had somehow made it down to the bare shoulder that he had flicked the strap of your tank top off and was now trailing back to your ear once again. One hand on the small of your back rubbing circle, the free one landed on the wall with a loud thud, supporting the needy boy.

“Honestly if you hadn’t shown up when you did, I was gonna run over to your house. I couldn’t stand how I left you, how we left things off. I’m so sorry I ran off like that. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Finally the long kiss stopped as his face beamed brighter than the moon and stars above, eyes staring at yours lovingly.

“I’m really sorry about how I acted. I hope you understand, if it was me rubbing up and kissing some other guy, wouldn’t you be jealous?”

His eyes darken at the thought of you being on someone else’s lap, you had to say it scared you a bit how fast his expression flipped. No longer was he your gentle giant. His hand return to your jaw firmly, but not tight as to hurt you. the other hand still planted firmly against the wall but was now balling into a fist, knuckles white from being squeezed so hard. Without much warning, the lips that were being chewed to bit lurched toward yours, consuming them, leaving you seeing stars.

Taking the hint, your hand moved away from his back to caress those chocolate bar abs you had dreamed about many nights you were forced to entertain yourself. The other one played with the hem of his shirt coyly, pooling it up just enough for your index to have a go at his smooth skin. Moans filled the air as his hands grab at your ass before he broke contact just long enough for him to inconspicuously pulled you up to his bedroom.

With a click of the door’s lock, he crashed onto the bed along with you, lips wasting no time finding themselves back onto your body.

“I don’t want to ever see or hear or think about someone else’s hand on you, understood?”

Softly nodding, it didn’t take long before you were skin to skin, swaying to the rhythm of the night, letting each other’s names fell out like prayers. It must’ve been hours because his absent was finally noted judging from the banging on his door.

“Yah, Son Hyunwoo. Are you in there? YAH, why is the door lock.”

You nearly had a heard attack when the voice grew louder, banging quicken. Your attempt of getting up thwarted by his lips and his never ceased thrusting.

“Damn, who are you hiding in there, H?”

“Ignore them, baby.” He raggedly murmured against your lips, muffling the uncontrollable moan and desperate calls of his name when he suddenly picked up speed.

Laid back down finally once the slurring voice trailed off, mumbling about Hyunwoo probably getting his “birthday wish in”, you let him have his way again and again. Not like you minded anyways. Paradise reached, you rested on his chest, breathless still as he slowly open the box you failed to deliver without notice. Inside, two small silver bracelets shining under the moonlight peering into the blush inducing scene of naked bodies from the small crack in his window’s curtain. Examining it closely, a small but heartfelt smile crept onto the face that was now lacked of all the lust and roughness of earlier. Whispering the engraving softly, he stared back at you in confusion.

“3:29? What is it, baby.”

“The exact time I met my gentle giant.”

His smile radiated as he motioned for you to put the bigger bracelet on him, and he fasten the smaller one on yours. Pulling you into another bone crushing hug, his mood lifted significantly.

“Alright, let’s clean up. I still need to introduce my girlfriend to everyone.”

Hyunwoo’s voice fades away as you let the start of one relationship drifted off into the wind as the renewal of another one was coming to an end, you peel your body off the front seat and fall into Hanbin’s arm.

Ripping off his jacket and haphazardly throwing it onto the floor, you press your lips against his neck, trailing your way up. His hands quickly find their way to unzip your dress just in time before his whole body flies onto the bed from your pushing. You hike up your dress just enough to entice his attention but not enough to reveal your intimates, he groans frustratingly when you situate yourself on his lap.

“Happy anniversary, baby.”

You breathes before lifting the dress off of your body, letting him bask in the dips and curves of your body before feeling up his. Lowering yourself onto his troubled lower half, you let your lips and tongue stroke, then touch him just the ways he likes to be. Low grunts, sexy growls pour from his lips from your ministration. Prying you off his body, he swiftly flips you over onto your back while hovering above you precariously.

“Happy anniversary to us.”

He smiles charmingly before lowering himself, letting his frustration out on your body. Moans mix with the sound of skin contact rip the silent of the peaceful night to shred. Your name then his name taking turn mingling in the air like the most beautiful dance as you both reaching your nirvana. Coming back down from heavens of bliss, sleep graces his being while you’re not as fortunate, brain overloading with the image of your ghost.

So many nights since Hyunwoo returned you had to rely upon the healing nature of the soft beams floating so gracefully around the air for comfort but tonight, not even the soothing silvery light of the man in the moon could obliterates your pain. Pressing a kiss to his lips before carefully sliding off the bed, you pull Hanbin’s shirt over your pale from the cold body before slipping away to the living room. Quietly keeping your 3rd glass of wine company, you could smell the troubles afoot. Something had been brewing deep in your chest since that day, aching for release.

Hyunwoo and Hanbin, the only two men you had ever truly love. They were the oxymorons in your mundane, predictable life. Hyunwoo while being the soft and gentle teddy bear he was, his love always felt like a big never ending roller coaster, jetting about at 100 miles an hour. You had gotten so, so high that it felt almost feverish. Where as Hanbin’s kind and sweet-tempered love feels like an adventure through the calms of nature despite his upbeat and cheeky self.

Completely opposite of the seeming eternity Hanbin had to spent convincing you that it was okay to love again, your heart beat for Hyunwoo almost immediately after meeting his smile that one afternoon freshman year. It was a miracle really that you had lasted 6 months before professing your undying love to one another. He dated you aggressively, knowing exactly where he wanted you to be - in his arms with a ring on your finger. Hanbin, the poor boys had to suppressed his love for the sake of your fragile heart.

Much of your first date with Hyunwoo was spent with you in his lap, soaking in that addicting musk cologne, reading quietly on the couch. Soon enough, you had found yourself spending countless rainy days stealing each other blanket, sharing warm heat of skin, silently but contently flipping pages. Much of the 3 years relationship with Hyunwoo involved spending down time together in the coziness of his home. Whether it be using you as weight on his back to push up or fighting over who’s a better cook, you knew this was where you wanted to end your life, who you wanted to end your life with.

Within a few moon cycles, you had moved in with him with a promising life ahead. College was tough but you made it through together. Even when you were stressed out of your mind, unreasonably angry at everything and anything, Hyunwoo was there with his big arms and comforting embrace to hold you through despite having to go through the same finals, the same stress. He made you felt like home.

There wasn’t much that could go wrong with this rock solid relationship… That was until graduation date drew closer. Fights after fights about who was moving where and what was going to happen to the “us” that you and him had worked on protecting for so long. Slowly, the fight stop being about a solution but a pity comparison match about who was going to have to give up more.

The quiet of the home slowly turned agonizing. Doors were slammed, feet were stomped. Until one day, everything was inaudible. Dead air swirled.

“Hyunwoo ah, I’m tired.”

You had remembered sitting on the floor of the living room, exasperation poured out from every crevice of your body, eyes bloodshot and swollen from crying for so long.

“Me too…”

You had remembered him responding in a weak voice, the vibrant spark dulled by the exhaustion of the constant fights.

You knew you couldn’t leave your family, your life behind to move to a completely new country with no promise of a career. You weren’t young or naive enough to throw everything away in the name of love anymore. No, you were too realistic for that. However, that didn’t mean that Hyunwoo had to do the same.

Hyunwoo knew he couldn’t ask you to abandon everything for the price of him, not when the relationship was in this state. Had it been the beginning, he would without a blink of the eyes, ask you to marry him and move away but it wasn’t the beginning. It was the end.

Timidly pushing an envelop onto his lap, you averted your eyes at the chance you couldn’t stay strong, couldn’t hold back the tear. Clutching the single plane ticket you had gotten him as a parting gift, he broke down knowing full well what this meant.

“Baby, I know how much I mean to you. But I also know how hard you worked for your degree, for this job. There’s no solution to this where we’d both be content. I fear the day when I look into your eyes and I see resentment, or the other way around.”

His hand found its resting place on your shoulder while his sob travelled to your ears.

“Go. Live the life you meant to have. Don’t you dare let anything, anyone hold you back. Don’t you dare let me hold you back. If, God, this is so hard. I-If I’m lucky enough to meet you in the future, I better see you in your own penthouse, in your own top floor office.”

Tears. Tears and sobs were all that was heard for the rest of that week before he had packed up and left the shared place that held so many memories of the precious love you had. You both shared a painful goodbye before like the cloud, he flew off to his own line of destiny. The half empty apartment was like a knife stabbing you every time your eyes met the spots where Hyunwoo used to sit, where you used to love you. Soon enough, you, too were gone from the space, leaving the good memories, the laugh to dissipate with the turn of time.

Where Hyunwoo left off, Hanbin picked up the slack. He became more than just your guardian angel. Having met him a mere 6 months before everything in your perfect life snatched away, Hanbin watched over you like a big brother once he knew you were taken. No hidden motive, just pure care in exchange for friendship. See, different from the carefree life you and Hyunwoo had being university students, Hanbin was thrown into the cold corporate world early on in life. True friends were something of a rare beast in his life. Even with the few friends he had, there would be the constant doubt and distrust that come with being son of the CEO of the top 3 biggest company in the country. Having been raised as the successor, he was taught to question everything and everyone.

Living an isolated life took a toll on his heart. He closed himself off, craving for genuine human affection. After having found out his best friend had only interest in positions in the company, heartbroken and betrayed, he wandered the cold street with coffee in hand, hoping for any sort of distraction. It all seemed worthless but alas.

“A star fell out of the sky, knocking the wind out of me.”

Something he’d tell anyone he deemed worthy of meeting you. You weren’t afraid to hurt his feeling. You called him on his bullshit like it is. You didn’t treat him like he was woven from the dainty threads of gold. You treated him as a human, any other guy that had came into your life. Something refreshing in his life of being worship.

He had admitted many times that his initial interest was killed when he learned of Hyunwoo’s present in your life but he couldn’t care less. He needed someone to keep him grounded, a true friend. Watching you nearly died from being separated from Hyunwoo, his admiration for the kind of sincere, natural love you both had for each other turned into something more.

So many nights rocking your weary body to sleep, he became addicted to your scent, obsessed with the way you giggle, fell in love with your spirit. He wasn’t forthcoming at first, fearing he might ruined what he had built with you. Weeks turned into months and one cold only night, when he felt you were finally abled to stand up on your own, he shared a kiss with you under the starry night and it felt like all the puzzle pieces of his life all fell in place. In a moment of perhaps weakness, or maybe the wondrous sight of shooting stars above, you let him take control of your life and kissed back.

Hanbin, always caring Hanbin. He knew better. He knew that something like what you had with Hyunwoo just doesn’t go away that easily. He knew you needed time.

“I know you love him. You know i’ve always admire you guys but if you’re willing, let me heal you. I know it sound so terrible. Who’d want love from a broken person like myself but all I need is one chance. When you’re ready.”

Having spent so much time indoor with Hyunwoo, though not by choice but by financial, time with Hanbin was always a big surprise. One day it was camping by the lake, the next some trip to an island you had only dream about.

Slowly, that kind smile and the soft touch ignited something in your heart. After a good year and a half of steady, never wavering love, you finally felt at home again.

Curling up against the big couch, you nurse your headache along with the emptying wine while a pair of watchful eyes monitor every change in your expression, completely unknown to you. With a heavy sigh, Hanbin returns to his bed, the one he awoken from alone and cold without your body for the 5th time this week. He could always read you like the back of his hand and

how foolish he was to let you off so easy with just an “I’m okay” after seeing the love of your life reappearing after so long. For the first time in years his feeble heart drowns in fear. It wasn’t like you had broke up with Hyunwoo because he cheated. It wasn’t if your love had withered and died like a rose in the poison of winter. You both merely tucked away your feeling knowing it was better off parting way to reserve your love rather than let it be taint with fights and bitter words. You and Hyunwoo had fought a hard battle and it was just time to given in to the hand of fate. Hanbin had tremendous respect for your decision to let go because letting go isn’t always a sign of weakness. It was a sign that you both were strong enough to sacrifice yourself for the betterment of the other. And who was he? He was just a 3rd person come swooping in on your vulnerability. Letting his weight sinks down on the soft bed, he lays wide awake, trepidation grows. Would he have enough strength to let you go? He wasn’t sure, but for now, all he needs is for you to be close to his heart.

Trudging up the stair back to your own little cozy nest, your steps heavy. Whether it’s from the wine seeping through your body or your thought, you didn’t know. With every kiss and longing stare, Hanbin take root further in your heart. The memories of Hyunwoo wasn’t replaced or dispelled. Hanbin simply helped you wrapped everything up in a neat box and tucked it away. It was time to move on and that’s exactly what you did…

Seeing his face, hearing his name was like having a rambunctious raccoon tear through the box, dragging it out of the dark attic into sunlight. This feeling of overwhelming fear and pain was something you thought you had left behind the second you vowed to be with Hanbin. Along with pain, something indiscernible. Something that terrifies you. Something that was like the incoming storm, you could clearly see the black cloud at the end of the horizon yet you didn’t know whether i’d be here today, tomorrow, or simply veer off course and never to be seen again.

No doubt your love for Hanbin is real. Fights are scarce with Hanbin but the only two times that it did, it felt like all your heartstrings were being cut, one by one. All you wanted was to be back in his arms, to hear him speak, to kiss him as soon as possible. But this unsettling rising up in your heart like a heartburn… All your thoughts halted the second you see his face, illuminating softly, deep in thought.

“Babe! what are you doing up still. You have work tomorrow.”

“I could ask you the same thing, missy. Dressing flimsy like that, wandering around.” he sasses you back before pulling the cover back motioning for you to come lay down.

“I couldn’t sleep, my brain is too full. And F.Y.I. Mister, I work late tomorrow. Unlike your butt who has a meeting at 7:30.”

“Fine, fine. Lay down so I can steal some body heat. So naggy. I feel bad for the guy that has to put up with you… oh, wait. damn.”

His little joke earned him a loud smack to the chest before you obediently lay back down to join him for a little slumber. Amazingly, just with one stupid joke, he got you smiling like it’s nobody’s business. You bid him goodnight with a quick kiss and let sandman takes over, oblivious of the worries so obvious on your boyfriend’s face.

It was another few weeks of the same routine. Like a vampire, both yours and his weariness was creature of sleepless nights, tossing and turning before retreating back behind that mask of smile once the sun kiss the world. Your storm was no longer of uncertainty at this point but imminent.

It started out just as any other ordinary night would. The sun had set and you pack up, another work day finished. Albeit tired, you drive to the nearby grocery store, hoping to cook something before going to meet him in the office. Your night time meet ups were another thing that you both kept from your platonic days despite seeing each other every night at home and spending every morning getting ready for work together.

Food packed and ready to go, you blissfully unaware, walking straight into the end of another chapter in your life. Hanbin had always been good at hiding his emotion but just how good, you’re about to find out.

“Helloooo~ is my handsome boyfriend done working yet? I made dinner!”

You sing-song your way into his office, that million dollar smile greets you, immediately washing away all your exhaustion.

“YYYes! I was hoping you’d cook today instead of take out.”

Pushing all his documents close, he stands up stretching his long body out before slumping down next to you.

“Why didn’t you call me? What if I had bought food instead?”

You barely had the chance to say before he presses kisses everywhere.

“You work late today, I didn’t wanna be a bother but it worked out anyways.”

At lightening speed, he let go of you while simultaneously diving into the food. Something is off. Something so small you could barely detect it but at the same time it gnaws at the back of your mind. He leans onto you even when he eats, something he usually doesn’t do. You both love to cling onto each other but weren’t one of those couple that had to be attach at the hip to survive. The way he talks, how he would occasionally pecks your lips even when you got a mouth full of food. Every now and then, his hand would dig into your hair, ruffling it a bit. Whatever it was, it has to be good if he’s in such a good mood to talk constantly while eating. Chalking it up to your imagination again, you laugh along and push off your worries.

Stomach full of food, Hanbin sprawls onto the couch, head resting on you thigh.

“Baby, pet my hair.”

“What?”

“Pet my hair. You play with my hair a lot when we watch TV.”

Not questioning him, you lace your fingers gently through his locks, combing gingerly at his scalp. His eyes flutter close and a soft smile dances on his lips. After a good 10 minutes of silent, everything feels a bit too unsettling for your liking.

“You’re so clingy today. Not that I don’t like it, just it’s not normal.”

“It’s because tonight is the last night I get to be your boyfriend.”

The sentence left his lips so effortless, so peaceful as if he had thought it over many time, said it many time before tonight. Your heart inflates itself to the max, could this be it? Were he going to ask the thing you had hope he would for months now? Your joy only magnifies when he got up and pull you close, holding on so tight. Your arms instinctively throw around his shoulder, one hand laces through his soft hair.

“Huh? What do you mean?” You feign ignorant, suppressing your joy as he stay still, serene emanating from his restful form. He remains silent. It wasn’t till another ten minutes had passed before he finally speaks up.

“This is the last time I’m going to be selfish and keep you to myself. Tomorrow… Tomorrow I’m sending you back to him, baby. When the sun comes, I’m gonna have to go so at least for now, I could hold you close.”

Your smile falters and your heart drops to the darkest pit. As if your soul was rejecting what he had just said, you push his body away without even needing to command as pain washes over your expression. What shocks you the most is the calm in his manner, like the lead actor of a well rehearsed show, your reaction did nothing to faze him.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s okay, babe. It’s okay. It’s time to let me go, Y/N.”

“You…No! no, no, no. What the fuck are you saying, Hanbin?”

He reaches for you but your body jerks backward defensively, as if his fingers were dipped in poison, anger rising fast like a volcano. Your rejection is the thing that finally put a chip in the well constructed facade Hanbin had put up. Never once did he reach for you and not feel love in return. Then again, never once did you think he could hurt you like this.

“I know you still think about Hyunwoo… I can see it in your eyes. I see the vacant looks on your face now and then, in the rare quiet moment we had. It wasn’t always there, which I’m thankful for, but ever since he came back…”

Despair, you reach for him, this time, for the first time since you met, he didn’t respond. Instead, he lets his eyes fall onto the floor, a dejected smile lingers.

“You know, I tried to be okay, I tried to be selfish because I want you, I need you. I, I know sooner or later, you’ll figure all this out on your own and i’d have to let you go anyways so I decided…”

“No, Hanbin. Please, don’t finish that sentence. Baby, please… Don’t do this to me.”

You beg and beg but it alas, he had prepared for this… With a painful smile, he rips your heart in half.

“ I decided that I’ll let you go. So, it’s okay, baby. It’s time to let me go. I’m breaking up with you now.”

“You can’t, Hanbin. I love you. How could you not see it?”

Your whole body went into shock, as if it had just gotten thrown in the frigid water of the North Pole. You couldn’t fathom the day when your love fails, the day it ceased to be the answer to his problem.

“I know you do. Of course I see it, baby. But it just, I know in your heart, after all this time, I’m not the only one…” His voice dims out, hesitant as if he hadn’t say it aloud, it wouldn’t be true. “Hyunwoo had always been there. He has always been there, just merely repressed.”

“Hanbin… You don’t know that…”

“That night you had the nightmare… You called, you called for him. Y/N, you called for Hyunwoo, not me.”

“Oh God, I’m s- I’m so sorry. Hanbin, I’m so sorry. I…”

Your tears drowns out the rest of the words, jumble up all your brain. The thought of Hanbin laying next to you, having to hear the name of another man spewing out of your mouth breaks your heart. You couldn’t bear the though of even seeing him being near other girls… Yet you called for Hyunwoo, the one person Hanbin knows he will always lose out to.

“Don’t worry, love. I’m not mad. I know it’s hard for you but you gotta start being honest with yourself. God, you two were match made in heaven. Still is. I know you still love him. The kind of love you two had, you just don’t forget it that easily.”

He sits there, an understanding smile infects the air with its serene. Unsure of what to say, each of his word is a big knife to your chest yet at the same time, it’s almost healing. That big pressure built up inside your chest finally got crack wide open, leaving your raw, bleeding heart light and relieved.

“Why couldn’t you just leave it be, Hanbin? Why, why are you doing this to me? We’re so good together. I love you so much.”

“And I don’t doubt that, not even for a microsecond. I see it in your eyes. The way they twinkle when you smile at me. Or when you say you love me, there’s just this ethereal light behind them. The excitement in your voice, the sparks coming off your fingers every time they laid upon my skin. I know you love me, so don’t you dare even question yourself, alright? Don’t you dare blame yourself or feel guilty. You’ve given me everything you got, everything you were capable of giving.”

The rain from your eyes, torrential. You could barely hold yourself up any longer as anguish settles in, you slump over, burying your face into the lines of your palms. For the first time in years you both went more than 10 minutes with no contact as he still shy away on the opposite end of the couch, leaving you to fend for yourself.

“I tried to be strong, be okay for you but then I realized, hiding my heart, it’s not something feasible. Every prick you feel, every beat your heart skip, I can feel it too because my heart is not my own anymore, babe. It’s yours, it’s ours. It’s so much easier just being ignorant of what it’s feeling but I think at this point, we’re both in too deep for that.”

He reaches over as he always does when you’re hurting, but the warmth never came. His hand fell short of your shivering, shaking form. It kills him seeing you sitting there so fragile and cold but that’s alright, he thought. He had convinced himself that you didn’t need him anymore, that maybe it was better for you to cry without him. Or maybe he just wanted to be selfish, to save himself from missing you, to spare himself the pain knowing that from here on out, when you cry, it won’t be him that come to the rescue. With a despondent sight, he continues.

“If you beat yourself up over this, you’re insulting me and my love for you. So don’t, baby. What we have, or had was just as real as the sun in the sky. I’ve been watching you wrestled nights after nights with your inner demon and it breaks my heart. My love for you should be warm and fuzzy but lately, all it seems to do is roughen and beat you up. So it’s okay, baby. It’s okay to go to him, that’s the only way we’ll be able to save our beautiful relationship… That’s the only outcome I’ll accept.”

Having all your thoughts laid out on the table by the man you love most is possibly the worst feeling in the world. All these thought you’ve hidden. All the debate you were scare to bring up. As expected of Hanbin, he was always one step ahead of your every need. Hearing his words, your heart finally breathe. With a gasp for air after drowning for so long, you finally learn what the indiscernible feeling was and why it was so terrifying… It was the breaking of Hanbin’s heart and you’re the cause.

“I will never be able to live with myself knowing that I hold you back from knowing for certain if Hyunwoo is who you truly belong with or not. Your hands were forced, cards were dealt and you both ended things the best way you could. When hearts are forced to part way, there will always be unresolved feelings, unanswered questions. You have to understand, these, these questions affect me just as much as it does you or Hyunwoo. How could I live and be happy knowing a small part of you will always wonder what if you had stayed. What if he hadn’t move? I think that’s the reason why, after all these years, Hyunwoo still belong in your heart.”

You’re lost for words. No matter how hard you try to reason with yourself, to deny it with all your might, Hanbin speaks the truth. Fact of the matter is, you know deep inside the most secluded corner of your heart, Hyunwoo had always been lurking in the shadow waiting for his time to shine. Nothing compares to the lost of first love, especially when it was taken away forcibly by the cruel hands of fate. Then there was the guilt. Oh how guilty you were of snuggling up to Hanbin while letting your mind raced about someone else. The guilt of disappointing Hanbin, of being unfaithful to the man that had given you everything. The guilt of the horrifyingly high possibility that all of Hanbin’s word is true.

“What ifs are what they are for a reason, baby. You can spend the rest of your life asking those questions but fact is, you can’t change the past. So why can’t you just accept that I belong with you now.”

As sound as his argument is, you’re still growing frustrated. Infuriating that none of your words seem to matter to him. How could he had gone and decided the next chapter of your life for you, without even letting you have a say. It’s your life, it’s your love, how could he be so merciless as to coerce an ending that had you in heartbreak. How hypocritical of him to have tied your hands behind your back while sitting here utters words of a love ending too soon by the pressure of life’s folds.

“Trust me, I want to accept it but please, be honest with your heart, you don’t know that for sure. God is giving you a once in a lifetime chance, baby. Take it. Find out once and for all if you and Hyunwoo are fated because… Well, because we’re not.” He hesitate once again, fearful of the words he just spoke before his voice regain their frighteningly calm stability. “No more sleepless nights, no more drinking till your body gives out, no more wrestling with your conscience, no more guilt… Wouldn’t you like that?”

“And here I thought you were finally going to propose…”

You raggedly exhale the sentence before heaving a bitter laugh, wiping away the burning tears to finally get a better look at that handsome face that had been breaking your heart for the past hour. The mirthless smile lingers on your lips as you twist and roll the small band your ring finger is donning, the one he had given you a few days after your first date, promising to protect you till his dying breath while watching a sunrise through that brilliant window just past his shoulders.

“Oh… Baby…”

Your pain finally becomes apparent to the boy as he close the distance, pulling your weary body into his embrace, hand intertwine with yours. His svelte digits lacing with yours, holding it gingerly before his supple lips press a kiss daintily. Honestly, it gives you hope.

“I’m so so sorry, baby. I- I didn’t know.”

Hope.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

Without notice, you feel his finger tighten around your finger before you felt all your hope shatter. With one swift move, he slips the promise that had been sitting neatly on your finger for 2 years off, holding it tightly inside his palm. As the metal band leaves your finger, it took all your breath away with it as you gasp audibly for air, head pull away from his body in shock.

Pain and desolation.

“H- how could you… I… HANBIN!”

The person that had given you so much love had just nailed the last coffin of the relationship that would soon be bury and fade away like the fleeting cloud in the sky.

“Nothing has changed, Y/N. I stand by my words.”

He said firmly as you reach forward, prying at the tightly clasp palm, desperately to have it back where it belong but he has other plan as he pockets the ring. Despite trying his best to be the villain, inside, it was as if all of Hanbin’s organ had liquidized, the pain spread throughout his body as he wish you would just go… Go before his strength runs out, before he gives up and pull those lips he’s dying to kiss, those lips that he already miss even though he had kissed you just an hour ago.

“If we had met at a different time, different lifetime, maybe we could’ve work but… this version of us, in this life stream, our love isn’t fated. It’s better that we break.”

Before you could say anything else, the softest knock vibrate through the room. Standing up, Hanbin briskly walk pass you and murmurs something to the person behind the door while you quickly wipe the tears away. Soon he returns, offering you his hand which you reluctantly take. You were sure by this point, he can do no more damage as you’re already stone cold on the ground, bleeding out despite slowly rising from the couch. Hands holding yours, thumbs rubbing gently, his eyes trace every single line, every crinkle, every spot, searing them forever into his heart.

“I know all this seems rush and unfair but if you ever love me, which I know you do… Go. Live your life confidently and be happy. Go without any regret. I know it might hurt now but soon, everything will be okay. Trust me. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Take care of yourself. I love you and I will always love you. Goodbye, Y/N.”

Pressing a kiss to your forehead, with a wave of his hand, his trusted assistant appears from behind that big wooden door that used to be the gate to your own private seclusion from the world.

“Hanbin, what is this? No, let go of me… Hanbin, tell him…” You screech, much to your dismay, he did nothing.

You struggle as the pair of unfamiliar cold hands grab hold of your body, guiding it toward the wooden door. Kicking and screaming, you had nearly elbow the guy before Hanbin speaks up, something dead in his expression, the aloofness in his tone, the firm frost of his voice draw all the blood from your body as it goes limp. What hurt the most, the thing that flay your heart open is those piercing cold eyes staring back at you. The soulless black orbs depleted of any emotions, so far gone that you question yourself if love had ever existed in them in the first place. The Hanbin standing in front of you isn’t your Hanbin. No... He’s simply the big scary boss that happened to share the name of your beloved.

“Take miss Y/N. Make sure she’s safe or you lose your job. Report back when you’re finish, I have one more task for you when you return. Y/N, please just go. Don’t make his job any harder.” Not losing the command in his voice, he barks the order before turning away, back to that disdainful chair, to being the fearful Mr. Kim.

You fighting ceased, arms limp along side your. How could you fight when it seems as though he had purged every last bit of feeling he had for you away, as if he was never attracted to you in the first place. The rest of the to the parking lot feel much like the sequence that plays out after a hero had been shot. Silently, you lets your lifeless body drags along by his assistant as light flashes before your eyes. His steps quick yet everything within view is dim and blurry, nearly slow motion as you try to process everything that just happened. A strange sense of tranquil washes over. All his action now made sense. From how he wanted to taste the food you had been making for him for the past 2 years one last time, to the clinginess… He was preparing himself for the lonely days to come. Even if it hurts, he did it, he puts an end to your nightmares just as he promised. With the loud slam of the door, you close your eyes and let the weight of reality sinks in as you could no longer cry.

Yours. Kim Hanbin was yours. 2 years. You hate this.

The lonely boss sits in his chair, lamenting over what he had just done to the girl he loves. As if all his heartstrings had been cut, all he seems to feel is pain. Pure white, searing hot pain in every cell of his body. He had just done the most heinous act any human could possibly do. He knows it would hurt but it was necessary for the sake of your happiness. As he gasp for air, he can feel his world shattering beneath his feet as the weight of reality daunts upon him. He finally did it. If your pain is the prick of a loyal bee, ready to give up its life in the name of the queen, his feels like the deadliest of snake had just sunk its fangs into his soft skin. The mere thought of hurting you already wreck him apart but the real pain, excruciating. You had given him your all to love and he threw it away, betrayed your trust. Even if it was for your own good, he couldn’t bear seeing you die a little bit every time he twisted the knife of fate further in your already minced heart. This was something he will never forgive himself. Suddenly, your voice rips through the colorless space, painting it with vibrant hue.

“Why are you so good to me?”

The memory of your innocent question plagues his mind. Like a maniac, he laughs at the irony of the situation before tears finally fall. Your smile was suppose to be the thing that give him strength to live another day. It was suppose to be his savior but why? Why is it so hard for him to let you go now when he knows after the pain, you’ll be smiling brighter than ever. He wasn’t sure if it’s possible for him to take another step in this life after having done something so despicable.Somehow he knows the treacherous road ahead would be anything but easy, that everyday will be gloomy without your sunshine to brighten his day.

Clasping his mouth tightly, he lets the pathetic, weak sound of muffled sob slip lose as his finger toy with the small box that would’ve changed his life forever if he only had the courage. Choking back the tear, his hands nimbly creaks it open, revealing the most brilliant twinkle of diamond hugging the small platinum band that he knows for a fact fit your ring finger perfectly. His heart bleeds knowing if he had just propose to you that night after dinner, then maybe you would be in his arm right now instead of dying over lost love. What if he had just listen to you and cancel dessert. Would it had butterfly affected your meeting with Hyunwoo?

What ifs are what ifs for a reason right, baby?

What use would it does for him to question the events of destiny now that he had taken it into his own hand. The ring remains ownerless as is his heart. Laughing at the fact that somehow even when you’re gone, you still manage to keep his heart, he gently sit the ring on his desk. With a ragged breath, he pulls out his phone and the small sticky note his assistant had given him just before dragging you away. Briskly typing in the series of number written on the note under the name Son Hyunwoo, he compiles the text that would be the last piece of the puzzle.

2:05 - She needs you, go to her.

He recalls the serendipitous meeting of the strange girl that affects his life in ways he didn’t know was possible, letting the thought of you lulls him to numbness. With a heavy sigh, he sends the closing sentence of the final act to perhaps the greatest chapter in his life. A chapter that he will now return for Hyunwoo to continue, hoping no matter the author, a smile will forever be on your lips.

Part 2: Please Stay. Part 3: Always Mine.

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