#we ARE wiimote and xbox 360 controller yes...

[radramblog]

Video game controller tierlist

What is up fuckers, I’m out of ideas again so its time for another tier list. This time we got video game consoles’s controllers. Link’s (here), and keep in mind I don’t really know much about the Sega ones but its fine since they all suck.

Without further ado lets fucking go bc I have 22 minutes to write this before I get ready for work

D-Tier

Xbox original controller is gotta be the ugliest thing on the planet. That ugly-ass early 2000s (in a bad way) logo, those buttons, the sheer size of the thing, I just don’t know why they thought this was a good idea. Luckily they learned from the mistake that this controller is for their future designs, otherwise the 360 probably woulda been dead in the water.

I don’t know anyone who had a Dreamcast. I mean, that’s because no one fucking bought them, and I’m young enough that people my age basically missed Sega’s consoles completely. With that in mind, what in the goddamn is going on here. Why would you put the cable facing the user, what is this little Tamagotchi-ass screen doing, why is it so dummy thick. I don’t understaaaaand.

Sega gets two entries in the D tier btw. The Genesis competed with the SNES pretty wwell but the controller isn’t even close. “Ah yes rather than four buttons that you can easily press from one thumb position we’ll have three buttons that are all in a line so you have to move it around awkwardly a bunch. Brilliant!” Yeesh.

C-Tier

Okay they didn’t put the Master System on this list so this is the last Sega controller. The Saturn is just the Genesis one but with more buttons and beeg bumpers. This is this low just because of those bumpers- ill talk about it later with the 360, but big shoulder buttons are more trouble than they’re worth imo.

The original Playstation Controller is fine, but it does just feel like it’s missing something. It’s pretty obvious what it’s missing, but without those sticks it just looks naked. And I haven’t played much PS1 stuff but I can imagine not having the analogs is a huge pain for most games on the console.

The Wii U Gamepad was a good idea in concept (I mean, just look at the Switch) but as it is, it’s just way too bulky and awkward. This thing just hurts your wrists if you play for long enough. Without it we wouldn’t have gotten the Switch, though, so it’s for the best that this existed.

Spoilers, I don’t like the Dualshock 4. The big old touchscreen thing does not do it for me. Beyond that it’s basically fine, but that centrepiece just turns me off the entire concept. Also, fuck the Share button.

The Xbox One controller is a hybrid between the Xbox and the 360, except it came after both and the 360 is actually pretty good, so what the fuck is going on here. Didn’t yall learn? Also, again why did you get rid of Start/Select what are these buttons supposed to be help I don’t understand new things

B Tier

This one is here because I don’tt know what it is. Like, it looks like a generic knockoff 360 controller, but no other knockoffs are here, so what’s the deal? What is this? We just don’t know.

Dualshock 1 babyyyy. While the N64 pioneered thumbsticks on controllers, the Dualshock solidified them as a part of gaming going forward. Unfortunately the rest of it is still mostly a PS1 controller, so.

The Wiimote is here because it’s the average of its two components. I actually really like the Wiimote, it’s an excellent, elegant piece of technology that really made motion controls work for the first time. But at the same time, fuck the Nunchuk and the horse it rode in on. Never was a fan of this weirdo periphery. I used to play Brawl without it, and anyone who’s done that knows how miserable that is, but I just dislike the nunchuk that much.

N64 is an awkward mess but I love it. Constantly ridiculed but they really went for something here and that’s worth respecting. This walked so everything else after it could run.

The 360 is the best controller Microsoft has put out. It’s really comfy, feels natural to use, the only downside is the giant fuckoff trigger shoulder buttons. While the idea of an actual trigger for your shooty man games was solid, in execution they’re just a little awkward. Also, the rubber on the sticks always comes off them in my experience and that just sucks.

Joycons would be higher but they drift alllll the fucking time. Also the analog sticks are just a little too small? Other than that I think these are genius, and it would have been hard to make a controller stick size that works for both the two in tandem and individual sideways controllers.

The SNES innovated real hard and got paid off for it. This fucker invented shoulder buttons, which is a pretty huge deal. Notice how just about every other thing on here has those. Unfortunately, and since I’ve never actually used an original SNES controller this might be inaccurate (I’m going off the SNES mini’s ones) the thing is a teensy bit too small for my hands and so it feels a lil uncomfy using them.

Speaking of innovation, the NES controller invented the fucking D-pad. It’s an iconic piece of retro technology, looks great, probably isn’t too uncomfortable, ya know it. Again, never had my hands on an actual one, so I don’t know how good they are to use, but come on it’s the NES.

A Tier

Dualshock 2 and 3 are here because I don’t really feel much of a difference between them- one’s wireless and one isn’t, to my knowledge its that simple. But they’re just so usable, sit really well in the hands, and honestly I do think putting the analog sticks next to each other is prooobably better than the separation every other controller is doing. I’ve seen the PS5 controller, and it’s a real shame because that thing looks like some fuckin Apple shite when they really coulda just updated the DS3 and it would’ve been leagues better.

The Switch Pro Controller and Gamecube controller are also here next to each other because I can’t decide which I like better. They’re both incredibly comfortable and durable, the former the result of decades of innovation and the latter the mildly awkward but forward-thinking icon. I think it’s pretty common belief that the Gamecube just has the best controller, but my dumb ass can’t get used to the weird face button layout, so it’s a little lower in my eyes. Still, Nintendo really got it right this time, and there’s a reason every “classic”/”pro” controller they’ve put out since has been some iteration of the Gamecube’s design. It’s to the point where they’re still making the things, though that may just be because Smash players don’t like change. At least the controller they’re touching is of age, heyooooooooooo

jesus christ that was the worst joke ive ever made im so fucking sorry