#we're not talking abt wow. i cannot get the numbers for that

[trans-estinien]

anyone who remembers my destiny era is entitled to a veterans discount

[xiu21chen99]

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

[un-pearable]

i moped i whined i dragged my feet i read at least six hundred thousand words of ninjago fanfiction in the span of like 4 days probably but i did it. i finished season 8. it was... ok honestly it wasnt that bad i knew i was being dramatic about it at the time but it wasnt that bad. part of that was because i already knew what i was getting into via getting spoiled by fic but im glad for it because otherwise i dont think i wouldve made it through. SO. some thoughts.

as you are already fully aware, i was not……. particularly enthused by the changes made in season eight. in fact you could even say i was particularly unenthused by the changes made in season eight. but disregarding my personal war against the authors re: lloyd & garmadon, one of the things i noticed was definitely the massive tonal shift that i honestly... think couldve been handled better. im not opposed to the idea of a tonal shift - 9/10 i am always okay with something getting more serious and genuine. but like, here... they kind of killed half the heart of the series for me. i feel like they tried to lean so hard into the ninja stuff that it kind of feels like somebody wanted a gritty reboot of ninjago without actually being gritty and without actually rebooting it, if that makes sense.

like half the scenes in the first few episodes take place exclusively at night, there's a huge ramp-up in them doing actual ninja things, and lloyd is now Mature and Serious and The Leader (<- things regarding lloyd that i am bitter about, number 385734356091573: the fact that they made half an attempt last season to kickstart a character arc for lloyd abt him growing into the position of leader and what that means for 1) him 2) his relationships and 3) his future and then they completely bypassed that entire thing via timeskip because the writers are lazy hacks and also lopped off half his personality along the way so now he feels like an entirely different character and also completely devoid of personality at the same time).

my qualms with lloyd aside. ninjago is, inherently, an incredibly goofy series. the premise is literally a bunch of lego dudes whose epic power is spinning like tops, and who are allegedly ninja despite the fact that they Really Suck At Being Ninja. i feel like for this season, somebody was like "okay guys we need to make ninjago not for BABIES anymore and also make new character designs so we can sell more lego sets so we're gonna make it MATURE and DARK and [something something]" and as a result it lost half its personality. most of it, even. they barely even did spinjitsu. do you know how disappointed i was by this? no. no you cannot even fathom how disappointed i was in the writers. and its. okay for lack of a better comparison bear with me here while i talk about one piece for two seconds

one piece is also, inherently, an incredibly goofy series. the premise is a kid eats a weird fruit and gets rubber hose powers and wants to become the king of the pirates. the stupidity is consistently present throughout the series and if you take out the dumb humor you've got a completely different series (both in regards to themes and also, again, the literal premise). but on the other hand, it also deals with some kind of brutal stuff (oppression, totalitarian governments, censorship, genocide, prejudice, slavery, more genocide, trauma, abuse, etc.) in a competent and mature way that doesn't feel cheap or fake-deep. both the stupidity and the seriousness are integral to its identity. these two things are not mutually exclusive.

though granted id like to say that the stupidity and the seriousness are all part of the very basis of the themes of one piece, but ninjago also just. doesnt really have themes. frankly. im not sure the writers have anything they want to actually say outside of "wow ! ninja cool !", but thats a complaint for a different time. but also still sort of relevant here because the reason these two seemingly opposed things work so well in one piece is because they're baked into the premise and main themes of the story, and... well. not so much with ninjago. it also probably doesnt help that ninjago was originally set to go for like two seasons max, but still.

EITHER WAY my digression on that aside, its very very possible to have both of these things co-exist in a series without one cheapening the other, but, unfortunately for me, the ninjago writers either a) cant do that or b) dont want to do that. and whoever was part of making the decision to marvel-ize ninjago: i hate them. personally. like i guess it worked out for everybody else given that the show is still going but im very annoyed about this. maybe it gets better in the later seasons but honestly im not counting on it. head in hands.

also speaking of marvel-izing ninjago i feel like this season they tried to work in some bad meta jokes and it was mostly rather embarrassing and i hope they do not do it again. its the typical "did he just-" "yes he did" / "i did not think that through" / "that didn't go as planned" / etc. schlock. i dont like that.

now, onto other things, aka namely: the harumi problem.

so harumi. her backstory is that at some point when she was younger (unclear because she has the baby lego model but it cant have been THAT long ago but she also acts and looks like a normal adult so as always the ninjago timeline eludes me, but thats irrelevant. mostly. well it depends on how you look at it but we'll get to that later) she thought the ninja were super duper epic and then when the great devourer showed up and wrecked the city her parents died because the ninja didnt stop it soon enough (or, more accurately, lord garmadon, but she doesnt blame him for some reason). anwyays so after that the royal emperor and empress decide to adopt her and she becomes the princess despite not asking for and not wanting this position or the responsibilities that come with it and being terribly traumatized and generally all around miserable. which sucks, for sure.

but for some baffling reason, she decides that the person whose fault this all is is... lloyd. like she says the ninja in general, but lloyd is the only one she ever seems to target. which is really strange, frankly, because lloyd's first appearance in public as the green ninja is either the great devourer, or like a few days before it, so why she'd single out him for this problem despite him clearly being new to the whole thing is beyond me. because its not like she blames him for opening up the tombs or something which is... well okay frankly half of this is misako's fault by virtue of being the deadbeat mom ever, but you already know my extensive opinions on misako's incredibly bad parenting.

either way, maybe she sees him later as the leader and retroactively decides to place all the blame on him as the ninja grow in fame and infamy, but the show never really tells us that - assuming that her bitterness towards the ninja grows as everybody praises them and calls them world saviors and so on and so forth is extrapolation, and usually in a more competently written series i'd be able to somewhat confidently assume that this is what the writers intended, but also this is ninjago and i have no such faith.

so harumi's whole thing is that she lost everything and blames it on lloyd, for some reason, instead of like. pythor or something. unfortunately this is kind of cheapened by two things. 1) she literally becomes princess of ninjago. like it'd be one thing if she was on the streets after that it'd be a little more understandable, and 2) she's... acting like she went through so much more than lloyd. unfortunately for harumi, she's trying to compete in the parental issues olympics with lloyd garmadon, winner of the "most parental issues in ninjago" award every year since 2011. so when she's waxing poetic about how much her life has sucked and how sad she is about her mommy and daddy or whatever, the audience is kind of just sitting there like... girl. lloyd has gone through so so so much infinite crap his life has sucked since pretty much day one he probably has enough mommy & daddy issues for the whole team, frankly.

pitting pretty much anybody against lloyd in a battle for trauma is not going to end well for your villain if youre trying to make them sympathetic. honestly. and like its not even that the concept of her backstory is bad, its just that her anger is completely misdirected and pointed in probably the worst possible direction as far as drumming up sympathy goes. because the ninjago writers remain ever incompetent. it also really doesnt help that shes like "omg people died because of you guys!!! you havent saved anybody youre just little kids pretending to play hero" despite the fact that ninjago absolutely 100000% wouldve died twenty times already if they had just sat back and done nothing. my dear friend goose had some very good thoughts so im just going to copy paste what she said here

so. harumi. couldve been done better, had some interesting concepts, but the incompetency of the ninjago writers strikes yet again. also rip lloyd, getting horrifically traumatized yet again. cant wait for lloyd getting his heart ripped out and stomped on and having his trust completely 10000% betrayed and the world getting almost destroyed by somebody who he thought was an incredibly close ally to never get brought back up again after harumi gets kicked out of the picture

also im very very very so glad harumi was evil because i had some incredibly . choice words about how bland and uninteresting she was at the beginning of the season. so thank you harumi for becoming interesting, even if your writing is kind of mediocre and mostly rather confusing 🙏

other than that im very sad that theyre brutalizing garmadon like this but at least i came prepared for what i was going to see via spoilers from fic. im also very sat that they're brutalizing lloyd like this but i was also prepared for what i was going to see via spoilers from fic. ninjago writers give them a break challenge.

some other misc. thoughts / live reactions (you can really tell that the first three were from when i started the season like last week from the amount of bitterness leaking out from the text 😭😭😭)

ah hell yes the return...

completely completely understand. breaking immersion with spoilers is sometimes. necessary. especially given how much of a shift the attitude is here... the desire to recreate the series is an understandable one but leaning so hard on the tropes that this show has had a loose relationship with at best, at the expense of the existing character dynamics.... ugh. the irony in them trying to age up the series with it's audience only backfiring and alienating the very kids who related to lloyd the most is great. the loss of spinjitzu is completely unforgivable though its integral to the ecosystem. keystone species but for a doofy fake martial arts show. we're loosing biodiversity here people. bad metaphors aside, YEAH. the seriousness works because the rest of the show is lighthearted, not in spite of it. your one piece comparison is perfect.

despite my "lloyd is a comic protag" post blowing up it completely didn't cross to mind to think about marvel there and you 100% have a point. s8 and on ninjago was DEFINITELY influenced by the boom in popularity of the mcu. considering this is when they brought on schut to help write and then he completely took over for s9 and on,, i don't know nearly enough about the guy and his work to make a judgement about that but it would be very interesting to look into

harumi..... harumi is very much the kind of theoretically interesting kids media villain where i can understand why their concept works for a lot of people and can be interesting to see, but is so overdone that i just. i can't care. i literally could not give a shit about harumi. no matter how well her arc is executed she's such a predictable brand of villain that fandom always looses their shit over and i get why but it just doesnt work for me. she also falls into the category of "villain who assumes they know everything about the hero and that they suffered more" which. can also be interesting when its about how the characters are perceived by the public, but when its treated seriously by the narrative? incredibly frustrating. i have pages and pages of talking about this back when i was reading archie for the first time so not to derail into sonic again but the appeal of scourge and sonic's dynamic to me is that while they both suffered, they responded COMPLETELY differently. the idea that scourge deserves to be heard out bc he experienced such a hard and tragic life is completely negated by the fact that sonic's life in the comics is a unending deluge of traumatic bullshit - and scourge knows this. scourge doesn't get why sonic didn't respond the way he did. that's like the ONLY way this kind of dynamic is interesting to me - the narrative validating that harumi was right actually and her life sucked more and thus her point is valid and makes sense and we don't need to look any further is. frustrating. "the villain points out the heroes aren't actually helping/good people" is the furtherest thing from an interesting plot to me, especially when its clearly such a cop out. your friend has an extremely good point, the need for the villain to be focused specifically on the ninja destroys any actual nuance her motivation had, if she was more generally focused on the systemic problems ninjago so adamantly refuses to face it would be an infinitely more interesting story. but also this is a kids show and that's far too bold for a series that just introduced a monarchy for shits and giggles.

okay aside from. all that. asdfjdk thank you for the olympics line. yeah. yeah. dear god this poor kid will continue to never get a break. the lack of capitalizing on the oni stuff... do these people not understand their fanbase. we are still drawing fanart of snake jay. we will go crazy over literally any non-human traits imaginable. curse you for reminding me of voltron in 2022 but asdkfjsdkdf. cole dad....

between the heartbeat, decoded letting the ninja download themselves into his brain, and just. everything about the most recent few zane oriented arcs. fascinated the implications for zane's physiology. do you think he could keep the others around in his head like he used to have pixal.