#while I'm trying to wrangle my other Sims

[victorluvsalice]

Welcome back to the Chill Valicer Save, where – after introducing new member Marm L. Iser the Servo to the family last update – we get to see how Marm is fitting in on the farm and helping out at the store! How did things go for him and the rest of the fam this fine Fall Wednesday? Well –

-->I started with Victor and Alice in bed and Smiler and Marm watching romantic TV together (though if this stirred any feelings between creator and creation, they didn't act upon them). I decided to check on Marm’s enhancement status while they were both chilling, and upon learning he could indeed be enhanced, had Smiler upgrade him so he’d charge a bit faster going forward. Nice! Marm then got to recharging on the couch (apparently robots can take naps, who knew?) while Smiler lectured Surprise on scratching the furniture (Surprise, in a typical cat move, pretended to have no idea what they were talking about) before heading out to the porch to ask Shadow, sadly chewing on her ball, what was wrong. Turns out Shadow was feeling down and needed hugs and treats – Smiler was only too happy to provide, along with a brushing. :) I then had them feed Toothy before heading down into the barn basement to make some strawberry nectar – I mean, they were feeling flirty anyway, so why not? I don’t think it had any effect on the final product, of course, but it feels like it should have. :p

-->While that was going on, Victor and Alice both woke up around 3 AM – I immediately put Victor on “upgrading the tub in the black-and-yellow bathroom” duty, since he had a want to increase his Handiness (and in fact was very close to maxing it). Had him give it a water recycler (using eco parts, of course), pulsating jets, soothing jets, and a self-cleaning coating. I mean, he did all that for the shower, might as well do the same for the tub! Alice, for her part, talked to Snappy the Sixam Mosquito Trap for a bit (it was a want), then got back to working on her book. In Smiler’s room, because of course she did – never mind that I clicked on HER computer in HER and Victor’s room. *sigh* I really should lock the various computers to their owners, shouldn’t I?

Anyway, while Victor and Alice were thus occupied, Smiler finished their nectar and put it in storage (the vitality and potato nectar Victor found in the prairie grass the other day also made it in there), then went upstairs to stand by the robotics bench so I could sort out the pictures in their and Alice’s inventories and pick my favorites from the recent family reunion to put up. The best two of Alice’s pictures of the group and Marm himself, along with one of Smiler and Marm’s selfies, went into the free “column of three pictures” frames they got from the reunion and hung up near the robotics station, while another Smiler-and-Marm selfie went up in Smiler’s room, on the side wall between the windows (over their yoga mat). :) So now Marm has a presence on the walls of the house, nice. Though, while I was doing all that, I noticed there was a Potion of the Nimble Mind in the household inventory for some reason –

-->And then looked in the barn basement and realized that Victor’s potion display was missing a cube! >.< Yeah, back when I did the small house renovation and jazzed up the basement, I had trouble getting that top left corner display case to slot in, but I didn’t expect it to just POP OFF THE WALL! (If you’re wondering what happened to the shelf itself, I am pretty sure I recycled it by accident.) Even more annoying, I was actually able to move the display right below it up into that slot no problem, then add in a new case into the vacated spot. *shakehead* These snap-together shelves sometimes, man. At least I was able to fix the display!

-->With pictures sorted and Victor, Alice, and Marm all occupied, I had Smiler head into the greenhouse to clean up some cursed objects there (a slime monster and a creepy doll), then had them clean Moory’s shed (which really needed it) while making the recently-awakened Marm clean the chicken coop instead of watching Politi-Sim (trust me, Marm, you don’t wanna watch politics). Smiler then pulled the recyclable trash out of the bin, before returning to the greenhouse to drop off Elmer and Bugs the gardening bots and put them to work! Because we hadn’t used the little bots in a while, and judging by the state of the greenhouse, Victor was going to need the help. XD

-->Speaking of Victor, by this point he’d finished all the tub upgrades (without maxing out his Handiness, boo) – he went and had a little chat with Alice as she finished off her book, then showed a little love to Shadow before heading downstairs to finish off the last of the banana split waffles while I had Alice clean up some of the dirty plates around the place. And as for Marm – well, having FINALLY gotten around to the front of the house to throw away the chicken poop, he decided he wanted to play with the cowplant. I allowed this, but I first made him turn on hover mode so he’d move quicker. Because a walking Servo walks VERY SLOWLY, I have discovered. *grimace* Like, EA, seriously, what the hell is the deal with THAT?? *sigh* This is why I stick to occults like vampires and spellcasters...

[nerdyydragon]

Also notable: I rarely see anyone say this about, like, romance movies (at least in earnest; there are soooo many other discourses about romance as a genre, but this isn't one I've seen).

Nobody says "noooo, don't go into the quaint little small-town café, Miss New York Businesswoman Protagonist! No, you're so goddamned dumb for talking to the guy who literally collided with you walking in the door!! You're so effing stupid for allowing him to pick up the papers you dropped!

Nobody says "Character is ridiculous for not trying to avoid freezing to death by huddling for warmth in the cabin!"

Nobody says "but they should know better!" about romance plots, unless it's some "love thine enemy" thing where logically the character should know better than to fall in love with the tragic, handsome villain who just tried to have them killed/kidnapped/dethroned/etc., but even then. The characters in a romance plot don't somehow miraculously know they're in a romance, they just know that they've encountered a [charming stranger] [mysterious rival] [new understanding of their childhood bestie] [any and all trope pairings that apply] and that, as they go about their day, Shit Happens. Compared to other genres it might be comparably low-stakes because nobody's in danger of getting stabbed (maybe, who knows, it could happen), but they don't posses foreknowledge of the events because they're not aware that this sequence of events is something like "A Duke for the Holidays" instead of "just another goddamned Tuesday".

We know.

We're supposed to know.

While part of me rails against an easy reliance on trope marketing, primarily when it supersedes any and all notions of telling me what the gods-damned book is about, as an audience we are, consciously or otherwise, aware of tropes and trends and patterns. We know, as the audience, that in a small-town romance film Miss New York Businesswoman Protagonist is going to break up with her boyfriend who never has time for her and shack up with the hunky father of two who works as a conservationist for a near-extinct, totally-not-made-up species of butterfly that only reproduces every six years under the light of a falling star, or something*. That's how the plot works.

Half the fun is figuring out how it happens.

Half the scare is figuring out how it happens, because horror, like romance, has a pretty defined end (though it isn't always death, but that's pretty clear from the beginning when that's the case).

I'm a spec-fic author. I'm working on a gothic sci-horror novel that, in its alpha stages, has scared the bejesus out of my reader to the point where she thinks the monster is going to appear in her house. She keeps feeling like she's being watched. We're 2/3 of the way through and she's paranoid to the point where she can't actually read the thing for long stretches of time even if she desperately wants to. I also write fantasy, and there are tropes and expectations that I rely on there, as well. But gods, I'm so tired of people (beyond the half-terror under a blanket "no, don't go in there!!!" response, without acknowledging that it must happen) not applying the same logic to horror protagonists as they do to those of other genres. They're not dumb.

Horror isn't dumb.

It's profoundly, utterly human in its terror.

And to the main point of the post: nothing Jonathan Sims (Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London) could have done would have averted the ending to his story. He's a brilliant mind cracking under strain, attempting to wrangle forces well beyond human comprehension that prey on his being a brilliant mind attempting to wrangle them. The Entities, on occasion, give him what he wants. He learns. He grows.

Until he becomes a monster himself.

There are so many versions of the story, littered with alternate choices and voltas and changes in patterns. "No" instead of "yes" that eventually becomes "yes", anyway, because it has to.

A big-city businesswoman, visiting her aging father for Christmas, walks into a coffee shop and runs headlong into her widowed highschool sweetheart after years away.

A gallant knight, stripped of his armour, raises a sword to protect the princess and slay the dragon.

A PI cracks a cold-case that's been haunting the local police for years after they stumble on new evidence, almost by accident.

Almost by a miracle.

A brave starship captain lays down their life to save an entire planet, millions of lives, because it is right, and at the last second is retrieved by advanced technology created by a society that cares.

Jonathan Sims does the best he can with the information he has, and he almost makes it out in the end.

Until he doesn't.

There is no other version of the story.

----

*I was being mostly facetious in this claim but a part of me actually really wants a low-stakes cozy romantasy in this setting. I can't write that type of stake to save my life (even my fanfiction has to have something life-threatening, so no butterflies for me) so if that prompt strikes your fancy, feel free to steal it and modify however needed. Just... let me know if you ever finish it.

JONATHAN ARCHIVIST IS NOT STUPID SQUAD I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU

[theeeveetamer]

I'm pretty sure my computer would burn and die if I tried to play the Sims 4 but tell me anyway which packs are the best to buy!

Sims 4 is actually easier to run than Sims 3! Especially if you only have a few packs and no mods installed! They designed it for longevity, and it initially came out in 2014. There’s even a laptop mode designed specifically for people with lower end systems.

And, fun fact, you can try it for free! Origin allows a free trial for the Sims 4, so if you’re worried it won’t run or you’re worried you won’t like it you can always download the trial and test it out! That’s actually how I got into the game.

Though I will note before getting started: Some of the newer packs require a 64 bit operating system or a Metal-supported Mac system. Anything released after October 2019 cannot be played on a 32 bit/non-metal system.

Though at the moment that basically just excludes you from the University pack.

Also note! Different people like different stuff out of their Sims game, so if it sounds interesting don’t worry if I don’t rate it highly. I tend to play with a more realistic slant, and for items I tend to like more modern aesthetics when it comes to clothes and items. With that in mind, let’s get to the list! I’ve divided them up by pack type (Expansion, Game, or Stuff).

Expansion Packs:

1) Seasons: Must Have

I will always, always, always shill for the seasons EP of any Sims game. Frankly, I am of the opinion that it should just be base game, but whatever. It adds dynamic weather and, well, seasons which are two things that will affect your game no matter how you choose to play.

Sims 4 is rather unique from previous sim games in that it adds a calendar system and holidays. Not only can you celebrate holidays, you can actually create your own and freely edit or move them around! I’m not kidding, you can get pretty wacky. Like, worshiping garden gnomes and punching each other in the face wacky. Or you can be a loser like me, make every single Three Houses character, and make them all have a lovely Christmas together because they deserve it :x

2) City Living: Good to Have

This one is down to personal taste. I love the city aesthetic, and the apartments are pretty fun to play around with. City Living also adds some interesting festival activities and four unique city districts. Another boon, if this is something you’re interested in, is cultural diversity! Sims 4 has been making a concentrated effort to include more diversity in their games, and a lot of outfits and objects in this pack reflect that!

All of the festivals and events will still occur regardless of if you live in the city or not, so you don’t have to miss out on all of the features even if you don’t choose to use the apartments 100% of the time. Though the bulk of the new game-play really is in the city neighborhood.

3) Discover University: Good to Have (Note: This is one of those 64 bit packs)

I admittedly haven’t played around with this one extensively since it just came out, but I think it’s great fun! I put Sim Sylvain, Sim Felix, Sim Dimitri, and Sim Dedue through college and it was a struggle (in the best of ways). Dorm life, subsisting exclusively on Ramen, and staying up until 2 am working on that term paper that’s due tomorrow... What’s not to love? I’m always a big fan of University packs because, again, I like to play pretty realistically. With mods I managed to get them into a collective $80,000 of college debt and can you tell that I’m an American yet? 

Plus, this one added the teaching, law, and engineering professions to the game and I will never not enjoy making Dimitri a psychology professor for the irony.

University isn’t really necessary to your sims’ lives, but it certainly does help them out along the way. You can choose to ignore it if you want to, but I don’t really see myself doing that when I play, which means this pack will get a lot of use from me personally.

4) Cats and Dogs: Good to Have

If you’re really into the whole rustic aesthetic then this is definitely the pack for you. The town they added is very cute and one of my more well used towns (currently the residence of all of my Blue Lions Sims). If you want your Felix sim to have 6 cats then this is also the pack for you, because you can’t have pets otherwise.

You can also create your own veterinary clinic, which is a feature I’ve barely touched but I’m sure someone will get a kick out of! It’s similar to running a business or owning a restaurant from some similar packs.

God, and you can do some crazy fuckin things to these pets. You can basically cross breed to your heart’s content, so you can get some weird ass combinations. There’s also a paint tool, so you can have dogs with rainbow fur and cats with green paws. Oh and you can have pet foxes and raccoons, but they basically function as dogs and cats respectively.

All in all a fun pack, even if I don’t use all of its content 100% of the time.

5) Get to Work: It’s Alright

Here’s where I start getting a little lukewarm. Get to Work added three active careers (Doctor, Scientist, and Detective) as well as the ability to own and run your own retail store. And these features are fun! ... If you use them.

With the way the Sims 4 is built, having a Sim in an active career and a Sim family with more than one or two sims can be difficult to manage. You can only load one lot at a time, so if you follow your sim to work then you can’t play your sims at home and vice versa, you have to load through every time you switch. There are no “home businesses” either, so your sim either has to live “off lot” and travel (aka you have to sit through a loading screen) tp the retail store every time you do business, or you build a living space on the retail lot and try to wrangle the game into working. This means you have to manually bring your sims “home” to the store every day, and it causes some issues.

Personally, I don’t like being minorly inconvenienced, so after the novelty wore off I barely touched these features again. Most of the CAS and Build/Buy items are career or retail focused too, so I can’t say it has any must have items. I’m putting it at #5 though because I know many people love these features and happily play around the limitations.

6) Get Famous: It’s Alright

I’ll admit, I had a lot of fun with this pack when it first came out! It adds a lot of really cool stuff, like the reputation system, fame, and what is essentially a YouTuber career. There’s also another one of those active careers (actor/actress) if that’s your thing.

Fame also works in a very interesting way in this pack, too. There are “perks” and “quirks”, so your sim can have their own celebrity brand and hordes of followers, but have extremely volatile emotions or a fear of being touched. Kind of an interesting reward/drawback system that hasn’t been present in previous sim games.

Personally though, this pack doesn’t have much longevity to me. Just like Get to Work it was fun for a little while, but I don’t particularly like playing “famous” sims so many of the pack’s features go unused. The town, Del Sol Valley, is pretty underwhelming with only a handful of lots, and kind of a sunny desert-y aesthetic. Which doesn’t pair well if you like the rain and snow from Seasons like I do.

7) Island Living: It’s Alright

This pack is great if you love island-aesthetic items and clothes, tropical islands, and/or mermaids. Personally? I love all three of those things. I’ve been using quite a few of the outfits and objects and roleplaying them as “Duscur themed” for my Dimidue family. I mean, we have no idea what Duscur actually looked like, but the items are distinct enough from most of the typical items in the game that it kind of works?

Anyways, the reason this is so low is because there’s just not much to do in this pack. Mermaids and swimming and that’s basically it. There’s only one new career (conservationist) and three part time careers (diving, fishing, and life-guarding, which I kind of thought were going to be full time careers when I bought the damn thing...)

I’ll talk about this later, but the mermaids are by far the least interesting altered life state/occult in the game. Vampires (and I believe witches) have skill trees of powers and drawbacks, similar to those celebrity perks and quirks I talked about before. Mermaids have nothing like that, so they get boring to play with rather quickly. Watching their tail flop out while they’re in the bath is kinda fun though NGL.

The town is really cool though. I love basically all the pre-built lots and I love the items, but again if you like snow this probably isn’t a world you’re going to be using much. That, and to use many of the new features (like boats and ocean swimming and building houses out over the water) you must be in this world.

8) Get Together: Skippable

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seriously used any of the features from this pack aside from the town. The build/buy is a lot of Tudor style stuff, which I don’t tend to use, and a lot of the clothing is weirdly ugly clubbing clothes.

The clubs are really the big feature of this pack. Similarly to the holidays from Seasons, you can create clubs of sims that will get together and do activities. Basically any action in the game can have a club associated with it (from cleaning to “woohoo”) and you can have club perks that make your club more powerful, and sometimes infamous!

My main issue: If you aren’t actively using this feature it doesn’t really do anything. It just kind of exists as an extra sim panel in the bottom right corner of your screen. And I didn’t use it. Like, at all. That said, I know a lot of people find it very fun! I’m just not sure it’s worth spending $20-$40 of your money on.

Game Packs

I’ll just say right off the bat, I’m not going to talk about Realm of Magic. It adds wizards and wacky magical hijinks, but I bought it at the same time as University and I haven’t gotten around to playing it much yet. I will say, they added a ton of really cool objects and outfits! Especially the rugs. God, the rugs are to die for.

1) Parenthood: Must Have

Two words: Teen Angst. This pack fleshes out a lot of the younger life states. It adds teaching moments, punishments, “character value” traits such as polite or irresponsible, curfews, volunteering, sibling rivalries, mood swings, phases, etc. You want your kid to come home dressed like a bear randomly one day? This is for you.

I admit, I find a lot of the younger life stages in this game boring to play without this pack. I don’t think I could ever go back to vanilla sims after having used it, I find it that essential to my play style. Keep in mind though, this pack will only give you good mileage if you play families with sims of all ages.

2) Dine Out: Good to Have

You can own and operate a restaurant, which functions similarly to the retail stores and vet clinics I mentioned before. However, if you don’t want to own one then you can still plop them down in your town and your sims can travel there for dinners and such.

It’s really good for role playing dates and family nights out and such, but if that’s not your thing and you don’t care about owning one then this is not the pack for you.

3) Vampires: Fun, if You’re Into It

I actually played around with Vampires a lot when the pack first came out, which was honestly just a result of my life circumstance at the time (I was taking a literature course about vampires so I had vamps on the brain).

The vampire skills and vampire banes are pretty fun to mess with, and you can create a lot of pretty unique bloodsuckers. I had a Leo and Takumi sim, and the former was extremely weak to the sun and the latter could walk around in it no problem. Made for some fun role playing.

My two criticisms:

Vampires live forever, which means you’ll eventually get bored of playing the same sims.

Vampires don’t really sleep. They only sleep to recover their vampiric energy, which is only expended through the use of powers. It does not deteriorate naturally, so your vampire could be awake 24/7 for several sim days. Thing is, that just leaves you with too much time to do stuff. They’ll max their skills pretty quickly and then what do you do? Nothing.

Oh, and if you’re in to gothic-style stuff this is a must have for you.

4 & 5) Jungle Adventure and Outdoor Retreat: They’re Alright

I’m putting these in the same slot because they basically serve the same function: Vacations. One involves diving into ruins and hacking your way through jungles, the other is camping, but they’re both basically sim-vacations.

This is another one of those pack types where either you use it or you don’t, and if you don’t it doesn’t really do anything for you. Most of the game packs are like that, actually. Personally, I don’t take my sims on sim vacations very often so I mostly keep these packs around for the items.

Though I will say Outdoor Retreat added a ton of plaid so if that’s your aesthetic then go for it.

6) Spa Day: Skippable

This one basically just allows you to place and build “spa lots” in the world. It added the wellness skill, which ties into the meditation and yoga activities. There’s also saunas and massage tables, but I have rarely if ever placed them in a home lot for personal use.

Another use it or don’t kind of thing. I don’t even have a spa lot placed on my current world, so that just goes to show you how much I use this pack.

Some of the items are cool. Unless you really like those I’d say pass.

7) Strangerville: Honestly It Just Doesn’t Make That Much Sense As a Sims Pack?

Strangerville basically added a story and quest line to the game. I hear it’s pretty fun, but I don’t really play Sims for stories and quests, I play it as a sandbox game. So although I have the pack I’ve never actually played the “story” of it. It’s really not the best Game Pack to get as an entry to the series since it’s such a departure from the typical sims experience.

The town is alright, but again another desert so forget it if you like rain and snow. Unless you really really want the military career or you like the outfits and objects then I wouldn’t personally recommend. Especially for newer players to the series.

Stuff Packs

Honestly there are waaaaaay too many of these for me to rank and I wouldn’t really describe any of them as “must haves”, so instead I’m just going to put down my five favorites. But it’s really up to you to look at the items and decide if it’s worth your $10. Each pack adds a new “game-play” feature, though they’re very small and can be lived without pretty easily.

1) Laundry Day Stuff

This entire pack was actually voted on and “created” by Sims players so that’s a huge plus! More rustic-style items, and the game-play feature here is, obviously, laundry. Since I like playing more realistically, adding another chore was actually worth the money for me lmao. Plus all of the clothes are cute and comfy looking!

The Sims Team also has an amazing sense of humor and named an entire set of the items “Wicker Whims” after the WickedWhims sex mod for the game. Which, honestly? When a dev interacts with players like that it’s always really endearing to me.

2) Movie Hangout Stuff

The aesthetic of this pack is Boho-chic for some reason, so if you like that this pack delivers! The new game-play feature is popcorn and watching movies which can be fun for roleplaying families.

3) Kids Room Stuff

Another one that’s only useful if you play families, but it did add a cute little trading card game for kids. They can collect cards and battle them, similar to Pokemon. Unfortunately, adults can’t play, but I’m sure there’s a mod out there for that somewhere. A lot of the items look really good too, and I use them all semi-frequently. Kids tend to get the short end of the stick when new packs come out, so getting a bunch of hair, outfits, and items for them fills a good niche.

4) Perfect Patio Stuff

Lots of outdoorsy type items, as the name implies. Wicker chairs and outdoor counter tops and the like. This bad boy also brought the return of hot tubs (which probably has the cutest woohoo animation in the game, just saying).

5) Moschino Stuff

The items have a mostly modern, sleek aesthetic, and it adds the freelance photographer career to the game (which is currently what Sim Sylvain is employed as). I basically recommend it on those merits, because the clothes it added are godawful ugly and I’m otherwise not a huge fan of brand-sponsored packs. They’re nothing really new for The Sims, but luxury brands with hideous overpriced clothes aren’t really my thing.

Some Other General Advice for Starting Out

I covered some of this stuff further up but I’ll repeat in case people just skimmed this really long post.

I will warn everyone stay away from “My First Pet Stuff”! You are basically required to own Cats and Dogs to make use of a good chunk of its items, so you might just be wasting your money.

You can get a trial of the game for free if you just want to test it out to see if you’ll like it or if your computer will run it.

Never buy a pack at full price. I’m not kidding when I say they have sales for this game every couple of months. Even if there isn’t a sale there is a bundle option, which is significantly cheaper than buying individual packs! Discover University was $40 at full price. I purchased a bundle with Discover University, Realm of Magic, and Moschino Stuff for $50. Had I bought them separately it would have ran me $70.

In fact sometimes they give the base game out for free! I know they did a promotion like this this past summer. Sims really makes their money from Expansion Packs, so one of their marketing strategies is to give the base game out for free to entice you to play. Even if it’s not free, it’s always steeply discounted during sales. I believe you can get it for $6 right now. I have 1000+ hours in this game, so six dollars is pretty cheap for that much entertainment.

You can see every single item and outfit in a pack before you buy it. So if you’re not sure if it’s for you, just look! The items are listed right there on the Origin store page.

Mods are amazing. Custom content is amazing. If anyone is curious I can create a list of the mods I use/Custom Content I use for my various Fire Emblem sims.

[victorluvsalice]

Today in Newcrest Adventures -- we’re finally back to the Van Dorts! Cripes, I don’t believe we’ve seen this family since September of last year! Quite long enough to be away from my OTP and their kids, I believe. Day One of their glorious return was mainly just getting back into the swing of things with their family dynamic. Victor helping Emma with her homework; Alice bonding some more with Eliza; Victor doing his usual gardening rounds; discovering both pets were sick --

Wait, what? Yeah, apparently both Scraps and Dinah picked up some mysterious ailments while I was off playing the rest of the neighborhood. Scraps definitely had some Prismatic Poop things going on -- not sure what Dinah’s deal, but the game told me she needed comforting and a vet visit, so I will defer to its judgement. I didn’t really feel like wrangling BOTH pets into an exam at the Brindleton Bay Pawspital, so I decided to just send Victor by himself and stock up on a few wellness treats. A quick flap back home (he’s got move as a bat permanently on, remember?), and both pets were cured WITHOUT a monstrous vet bill! With that out of the way, and Emma off at school, both Victor and Alice could get going again on the other household chores. . .

[apeachymama]

Decides to go upstairs and socialize like a normal person. Took my crochet project so I could seem busy. The babies kept taking things from each other. When it was time to eat Sophia wasn't happy just sitting on my knee. She kept wiggling and almost spilling my drink. At the same time I'm trying to explain how payments work at the little gym for arias classes and she was not understanding me. I got so frustrated. Sophia started flailing because she wasn't getting her way so I shouted my response to Andrea while trying to wrangle Soph. John pulled her into his lap. I didn't say anything. No one else said anything. I took my plate and came downstairs. Played Sims and finished eating. John and Soph came down soon after and now I'm trying to get Sophia to sleep. I hate being me. I hate my personality, how dumb I am, my body, everything about me. I would trade in a heartbeat.

I passed out after work while john made dinner. We were supposed to make it together and I feel horrible that I fell asleep. I wake up and John, Andrea, and Mike are in the kitchen having a good ole time. Drinking beer. Laughing. I was upstairs for a minute to change Sophia's diaper but I came right back down. Got back in bed.

I feel so disconnected. I was in a decent mood today. John and I had great sex last night. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hear them laughing and I'm almost irritated by it. I can't participate in it. What is wrong with me.