#wooo published in the same year. didn't know that

[kraniumet]

'what if the lord of the rings was an isekai'. well. ever heard of mio min mio

[swift-works]

A No Good, Very Bad Day

masterlist

pairing: portgas d. ace x reader (no gender mentioned)

word count: 3k (i may have gotten carried away)

summary: you noticed something was wrong with the second division commander, then you make him talk about his feelings, and then you make him feel better (with cuddles, get your mind out of the gutter)

a/n: WOOO first published AND finished fanfic. Everybody cheer! of course it had to be for my boy Ace <3. the first of many lol i'm emotionally attached to this man. this fic will deal with a little mental health issues and i want everyone to know rn that you are loved, you are appreciated and you are good enough. With that being said i hope you enjoy! ~anna

tags: mental health issues, brief mention of violence, sprinkles of angst, fluff, sfw

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You had noticed it immediately, the way his usual grin lacked any real warmth and his eyes were a dulled of their usual sparkle. Today was one of those days.

You had known Ace for years, as one of the first members of the Spades and continuing to serve in the second division under his leadership. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” you had told him when your fellow Spades were finding their new places amongst the Whitebeards. You’re amongst the few who knew of his true parentage. “I know I'm supposed to be impressed that your sperm donor was the king of the pirates but, it's much more impressive that your mom carried you for 20 months. Now that’s a badass.” The way his tense body slumped in relief and the bright smile and soft eyes he gave you is seared into your memory.

Back to the present. Something was off about him today and you were gonna find out what. So you became his shadow for the day. Following him around the Moby Dick has he went through the motions of his daily routines. His chores? He mopped the same spot for 15 minutes with a faraway look. Lunch? He only had two plates and didn’t even faceplant in them. Sparring? It was less sparring and more like he had something to prove. You didn’t even think he was fully in control of his actions. He had this far away look in his eyes but that didn't stop him from fighting like his life depended on it. After numerous crewmembers started making their way to the infirmary, it was only a matter of time until Marco heard.

Marco was one of the last people you wanted to piss off. Especially if it was causing an abrupt rise in patients on a slow day. You could vaguely make out the pineapple that Marco called his head before he made a beeline for Ace. It wasn’t until Marco made physical contact that Ace seemed to snap back to reality. The second division commander seemed embarrassed and rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous smile but that seemed to ruffle the phoenix's feathers more. “What has gotten into you today?! You took it too far today. Do you know how many people I'm seeing with broken bones and burn marks? You know you're not supposed to use powers for hand to hand sparring, Ace. Get your shit together or I'll tell Pops.”

Ace instantly tensed up, a flash of guilt crossed his face before his gaze hardened. He bowed in apology before rushing off to the crew's quarters. Not even muttering a word as he passed. The deck was silent for a minute before everyone resumed what they were doing before the disaster that was sparring.

Marco frowned and locked eyes with you. With a tilt of his head, you knew his unvoiced question. ‘What crawled up his ass?’ You gave him a concerned look and shrugged. “He’s been like this all day,” was your response when you approached the first division commander. You decided to give Ace a few minutes to himself before you stormed into his room to force him to open up. Marco sighed and ran his palm down his face. 

“Well would you be oh so kind, and figure it out before he goes on another rampage.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and gestured to the lingering crew. There were a few who had a slight limp or an ice pack held to their face. You gave him what you hoped was a reassuring smile and a two finger salute before you started making your way into the lion's den.

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Ace was not having a good day. He knew from the moment he opened his eyes that today was gonna be one of those days. He could feel it in his bones. All he wanted to do was stay in bed and wallow but he knew he had to show his face sometime. The last thing he wanted or needed was people worrying about him. Especially you. You always had a knack for knowing exactly what he was thinking. It was like some superpower you had. He wondered if you had a secret devil fruit power.

He knew as soon as you got him alone that he'd become a giant puddle of vulnerability. One soft look from you and he was a goner. So his number one objective today was avoiding you. He got lucky when he was one of the last ones in for breakfast. That meant that you had already eaten and started your day. Without you to distract him, he allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts. About how he wasn't good enough. About how he didn't deserve this crew. About how he shouldn't be alive. These thoughts were always in the back of his mind. Most of the time he would just ignore the little negative voices in his mind, but today was different.

He tried, he really tried to put up a happy facade. He kept up with his chores, one spot on deck looked especially clean. Thoughts swirled around his mind all afternoon. Nothing seemed to snap him back to his usual cool guy behavior. Not even lunch. People started to notice when the daily spectacle of his food naps hadn't happened so far. Two plates of food? It looked like he was practically starving himself. Even though he really just wanted to hide away, Ace knew it wasn't going to be long before you or someone cornered him.

Conversations ended in blurs, forced smiles and laughter that were beginning to hurt his cheeks. Being on a crew as rowdy and strong as the Whitebeards meant there were usually sparring matches throughout the day. Usually these were all in good faith and more training than actual fights. One big rule for these was the prohibition of devil fruit powers. It was mainly for close combat practice after all. So that injuries were kept to a minimum. Although some used it as an excuse to go bother the nurses even for a slight scratch. (Thatch)

Everyone knew that Portgas D. Ace didn't run from a fight. That also applied to casual spars. He was strong and he knew it. However he didn't feel strong today. Especially with all the eyes on him today, your eyes. Yeah, he knew you’ve been watching him throughout the day. He could always sense when you were around. If it was a better day, he would have searched for you and gave a cheeky wink that usually made your face flush. That wasn't the case today though because he knew as soon as he locked eyes with you that he'd lose the semblance of composure that he's tried to keep all day.

As soon as his matches started it was like his body moved on autopilot. A Jab* here. ‘Come on Ace, you can do better than that,’  he thought to himself. A Cross* there. Thud! Somebody was gonna be feeling that when they woke up. The more people that went against him, the more powerful his punches became. His thoughts were getting the better of him, he didn’t even notice the heat that was emitting from his hands. ‘Is that all the Fire Fist Ace has to offer? Pathetic.’ Consumed in his thoughts, Ace didn’t notice the danger that was rapidly approaching him.

Suddenly a firm hand gripped his shoulder and whirled him around. He was met with the furious eyes of the first division commander. That seemed to snap him back to reality. An angry Marco meant that he fucked up. He looked down at his bloody fists. When did that happen? He could faintly hear Marco giving him a lecture but, as he raised his head he surveyed the scene around him. Members of his division were sporting bloody noses, black eyes or burn marks. Did he do all that?

Ace rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment and conjured up a sheepish smile. “My bad? Guess I got lost in thought and didn't pull my punches.” He tried to laugh it off but the laughter died in his throat when no one laughed with him. If anything that just pissed Marco off more.

“What has gotten into you today?! You took it too far today. Do you know how many people I’m seeing with broken bones and burn marks? You know you're not supposed to use powers for hand to hand sparring, Ace. Get your shit together or I'll tell Pops.”

His body tensed and he knew that it was his fault that so many people had injuries that could have been easily avoided. The feeling of guilt was overwhelming. ‘Why can't I get a grip?’ He couldn’t take much more from today. “I’m sorry for my actions” Ace bowed to the remaining stragglers and then his feet acted before he even realized he was moving. All he had to do was make it to his room before someone stopped him.

On his way to the cabins, he passed you. No words came out of his mouth though. He’d already embarrassed himself enough today. He knew you’d seen the whole thing. The concern written across your face meant that he would be expecting a visit from you soon. Well, better that you come to check on him instead of Pops. Then he’d really wish that the sea would swallow him whole.

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 You arrived at his door only a few minutes after him. You raised your hand and gently rapped against the wood. “Ace? Do you wanna talk?” you called.

Silence followed. You frowned and tried to open his door. It didn't budge and a locked door was never a good sign. You weren't leaving without a fight though.

“I’m giving you five minutes to open this door before I start trying to pick the lock.” you huffed before sliding to the ground. You brought your knees to your chest and leaned against his door before calling out again. “I’ll be right here waiting but I'm not gonna leave you alone until you talk to me, Portgas.”

About a minute passed before you heard shuffling and a thunk as another body pressed against the door from the other side. “You don’t have to waste your time, you know, I'm fine, really.” Ace stressed out. 

You hated when he did this, acting like he’s fine when you know he’s far from it. He’d rather let himself drown than have someone throw him a line. “We both know that what just came out of your mouth is total bullshit. Now would you save us some time and let me in? I was serious about the five minutes and would you look at that, you have one minute left.” you started counting down from sixty.

As soon as you got to thirty, you heard the lock click. You were at twenty when the door finally opened. You looked up from your spot on the ground to see a look of despair on Ace’s face. That was not a look that belonged on his face. You got up from your spot and faced him. His hat was missing as well as his belts, shoes, and his knife. You waited for him to speak first but he was doing the same. It became a stand off to see who would make the first move. Knowing that he was as stubborn as an ass, you caved first and brought him in for a hug.

Ace didn’t move for a moment. All he could focus on were your arms around his neck. He had to stay strong. You couldn't see how weak he really was. But you brought his face into the crook of your neck and he wavered. Technically you couldn't see his face and you smelled so good, so he let his guard down. You felt him relax against you so you shuffled the both of you forward and removed one arm from around him to pull his door shut.

When he heard the door shut, he felt his remaining walls crumble down. He felt the burn as he tried to hold his tears back. If he started crying he didn’t know if he would ever stop. So instead he wrapped his arms around you and held on as if his life depended on it. Ace felt your hand move to his hair, you weaved your fingers through his dark strands and you held him as if he’d drift away. Neither of you said anything or moved for some time. 

Ace finally pulled away but kept his arms firmly around you. Your hands fell to cradle his face, to keep his eyes on you and to catch any stray tears that would fall. The silence broke as you spoke first. “Do you wanna talk about it? It would probably help to not bottle it up.” You stroked his cheek as you spoke. “I promise whatever it is will stay between you and me, not even Deuce is gonna pry this from me.” That got a smile out of him. You and Deuce were like long lost twins, you told each other everything.

“Today…I’ve felt like every bad thought that has ever crossed my mind was on repeat, at max volume. It was like I was a kid again, before my brothers came into the picture. Over the years, the thoughts drifted into the back of my mind, I found people who made them all but forgotten.” He closed his eyes and put his hands over yours, leaning into your touch.

“Sometimes though, like today, they come back in full force. And I feel so alone. Like I’m not Portgas D. Ace, second division commander of the whitebeard pirates. Like I'm just the worthless child of that bastard, who doesn't even deserve to live.” With that, the dam breaks and tears flood down his face. Shoulders shaking as sobs, he buries his face back into the crook of your neck. You continue to hold him and move your hand back to his hair and continue soothing strokes that you hoped would calm him.

You move the both of you to his bed and he is all but glued to your side. He follows your movements until the both of you are in a comfortable embrace on the edge of his bed. You pull back and hold his face, leaning forward until your forehead meets his. “I need you to look at me, Ace. I need to see that you’re listening to me and hearing me.” He met your eyes and nodded.

“You absolutely deserve to live. Your mother carried you for 20 months so that you would have a chance to live. Who cares that you are the biological son of the most famous pirate? I don’t. The Spades wouldn’t. The Whitebeards mostly wouldn’t. Your brothers didn't and Pops sure as hell didn't care either. We care about you. You, Portgas D. Ace, who is one of the kindest souls that I've had the pleasure of meeting. You are so strong a-and i don’t know where I would be without you.” Now you were the one starting to get emotional. “I-People love you Ace. You don’t have to believe me now but I don't want you to forget that. Okay? You. Are. Loved”

The rest of the day went by with you muttering reassurances into his ears while you both cuddled in his bed. His head fell against your chest and you knew he had finally given into his narcolepsy. You stayed with him the entire time, not wanting him to be alone when he woke up. Besides, he was really warm. You could feel yourself grow drowsy and soon fall into a peaceful slumber.

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BONUS:

When neither of you showed up for dinner. Marco took it upon himself to fetch the both of you. Thatch also decided to tag along with a tray of food. Just because Ace caused a bit of chaos that afternoon didn't mean that the both of you needed to miss dinner. “You know, I bet that they actually get together within a month.” Thatch remarked as the duo made their way into the cabins.

“Nah, I’d give it until the end of the year. Have you met them? They’re for sure the slow burn type.” 

They made it infront of Ace’s door and Marco took it upon himself to make their presence known. “Yoi! Ace, open up! We have dinner since you decided to hole yourself in here for the night.”

Thatch squinted at the blond. “Why do you know the term slow burn?”

 “What? I read.” Marco shrugged and knocked on the door again but louder. Thatch made a face and made a note to bring that back up later. Who knew Marco the Phoenix liked romance books. 

Deciding that it was too silent on the other side, Marco went ahead and opened the door. The scene before them made them rethink when you two would end up together. “Did I say the end of the month? I meant the end of the week.” Thatch wished he had a den den mushi camera at that moment.

You both were asleep on the bed. You were on your back with your arms wrapped around Ace, who was basically on top of you with his head on your chest and arms wrapped around your waist. It was almost too cute. Thatch quietly put the tray of food down on Ace’s desk. Meanwhile,  Marco found a discarded blanket on the floor and used it to cover the both of you.

He was glad his little brother was having a better night than the no good, very bad day he had. Thatch looked on the verge of tears himself. So before Thatch could make a ruckus and wake them up, Marco dragged him out and softly closed the door behind them. He put his finger to his lips and gestured with his head to go back to the mess hall. Thatch nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“So……... have you read any good romance novels lately?”

“Shut up, Thatch.”

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another a/n: thank you so much for making it this far! my writing is a little rusty so if there's any mistakes please let me know! and if anyone is ooc thennnnn ignore that. I'm still getting used to writing for one piece. I hope you all enjoyed! stay tuned for more! ~anna

*Jab - A quick and straight punch thrown with the lead hand

*Cross - A powerful straight punch thrown with the rear hand