tearsoftheforest

[tearsoftheforest]

Living is so scary

What if I do something wrong? What if I fail? What if I hurt someone? What if I hurt myself? What if I am not enough?

I just want someone or something that would take care of me in order to not have to think about life

God, being alive is scary

When I'm alone in the dark not being able to sleep, waiting for the sun to rise, not wanting to start another day, to start again the neverending loop; I would swear in times like these is even more scary.

[tearsoftheforest]

“I see the sun, and if I don’t see the sun, I know it’s there. And there’s a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there.”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

[tearsoftheforest]

I have started to read again

I have started to draw again, to paint again

I have started to listen to artists that I used to love and forgot about them

I have started to go on walks and, for the first time, the streets are not an hostile place

I have started to feel myself again

I have started to live again.

[tearsoftheforest]

Bringing Up Baby (1938)

[tearsoftheforest]

I've stopped drinking coffee in the mornings and it is killing me 💀

[tearsoftheforest]

[tearsoftheforest]

The only thought that keeps me sane every morning I have the misfortune of waking up is that I have one day less in this world.

[tearsoftheforest]

"Holding you until you fall asleep

And it's just as good as I knew it would be

Stay with me I don't want you to leave"

K. - Cigarettes After Sex

[tearsoftheforest]

I wish I would have let my old self be cringe.

Let him show the world his poorly made poems, his comics, his ideas. Let him learn to find his people, to be noticed. Let him make mistakes, learn to take criticism.

I didn't have to be perfect, I was just a kid starting to find his place in the world. But I was so scared. So scared to be harmed, to be betrayed, to be worse than I wanted to.

So I hide behind the smoke of a cigarette. I made fun of the ones who were brave enough to be cringe, to show the world what they were thinking, what they were doing. Showing them I was better than anyone else because I was so cool to give a fvck, crying myself to sleep because I couldn't get out of the nutshell I put myself in to protect myself from the world.

I wish I would have let me do teenagers' stuff. Let me fail, let me try, let me learn about myself.

I'm sorry young me, I treat you so harshly, so strictly. I promise I will use my 20s to live the things you couldn't. Now we are safe. I promise.