vivimonchii

[vivimonchii]

I want to have a one night stand..! Chapter 1

8:26 pm

The car ride is so cold. Is the A.C. cranked up to a hundred? No, it isn’t. It’s hot, actually? Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. My friends invited me to go out, but I’m not going to lie to myself and pretend I didn’t wish they would have canceled on me. Save me the trouble of actually going out here.

What am I saying?

I’ve had the worst talks with myself in the mirror lately about the track I am headed down. It isn’t pretty, but what can ya do? While I sit here wallowing and listening to my girlfriends belt their brains out to our bar-hopping playlist, I can’t help but remember that horrible intrusive thought that withered its way out of the darkest creeks of my mind. Even thinking about it now is revolting. I don’t know who that person is that just screams it out at me, and takes just that slight initiative over my rationality to get me out here for it, but their thoughts infected my own.

I want to have sex.

Scratch that, I need to. Ugh, I’m sick just thinking that I’d think like that. Who the fuck is this girl, what?

“Babes, the Carpenter in you wants ouut, pleeeeease,” Bri warms to me as places her arm around my shoulder in this cramped ass car. To my left, Steph shifts half-assedly to adjust to the new position Bri put us in.

“Girl, I’m saving my pipes for the karaoke bar and you know it,” I’m not lying.

“Six minutes!!” Our elated, invigorated, under appreciated, designated driver Emma shouts out at us as the rest join in a girly-pop war cry. Forget what I said before, these bitches complete me.

We pull into the parking lot, and as our tickets are paid and we near the start of our nighttime escapade, Emma proposes a toast, with the five different cans of premade cocktails assigned to each of us girls. She goes on about how we are a unit, and how indestructible we are when we go out like this. We’re  a fire that can’t be put out, and we will not be walked over or stomped out by the world, not by men, and not by each other. It would give me a warm feeling for a moment, taking my mind and placing it back on Earth for a mere moment before I return to be abducted to the stars again. What is with me tonight? As if I didn’t actually know. Come on.

We’ve planned our routes accordingly, we’re in here by nine o clock, pre-gamed like professionals, have our fun hopping by the hour, on the hour, until we are freed before the witch’s hour at 3 am. Its foolproof, proud as I am to say I planned it. What can I say?

“We’re…NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS!” I just threw up in my mouth.

“EW. SHUT UP, THAT WAS AWFUL. God, could you imagine? If we were for real like that? Oh my god. I need more drinks, that was so nasty,” Steph breaks the immersion of our cringe, and skips along to the bar’s entrance, locked arms with Emma.

I’m walking behind my group as I’m left paired with just my thoughts. I’m having doubts, but that’s the butterflies talking. I can’t let them control me from just doing something a little bit crazy. All of these other girls get to be as wild as they want, and I’m stuck behind as just…me. All I’ve known is overcommitment. Don’t I deserve something easy? My heart is pounding weights all over my body, and my brain is fogging over itself. How am I even planning on doing this? My friends just wanted a night out, and I love my girls, I will not leave them. So what the fuck am I doing?

I finish my first shot of tequila. Here’s to tonight.