winchester-or-whateve-blog

[winchester-or-whateve-blog]

ANNOUNCEMENT

Instead of making this a side blog (well, it was at some point) I made this account into it’s own blog bc I thought using a sideblog would be harder than this, but it’s proved to be more difficult for me to be active like this, as two separate accounts or whatever, so I’m going to make a side-blog (same url and same content) so I can be more active. Everyone on my tagging list for The Castle We’ve Built Won’t Cave posts (which, I should have a new update soon, explanations on why it’s been so long to come on the revamped blog) will stay on there and will be tagged when stuff is posted. I’ll also be following most everyone I follow here from my main which is @writer-or-whatever

TL;DR: I’m disappearing but not really. Find me at @writer-or-whatever for the new wincest side blog that will be here at some point in the next 24 hours (it’s still under construction bc I’m a theme hoe) 

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From my main blog, because I couldn’t not share my spn edit here. 

Fandom Posters  → Supernatural [1/?]

Carry on my wayward son For there’ll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don’t you cry no more

{x}

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There’s a fic on fanfiction(.)net that I’ve kept tabs on for years to see if it’s been updated or not. While I’m no longer even in the fandom it’s written for, it just has one of the greatest storylines I’ve ever read. Last time it was updated was 2011.

The other day, I decided to reread the entire thing and leave a very in-depth review of what I thought of each chapter. I also mentioned how I started reading it when I was 13 and am now 21, but always came back to see if it was ever finished because I loved it so dearly.

Today, said author sent me a private message saying that her analytics showed that the story was still getting views even after all these years, but no one ever bothered to leave reviews other than “update soon!!!”, so she never felt motivated enough to finish it. She said that me reviewing every single chapter with lengthy paragraphs made her cry and meant the world to her. She also mentioned that she felt encouraged to write the two remaining chapters needed to complete the story and that she would send me a message the night before she updates the fic.

I’m literally sobbing. I’m so excited :’)

Please always remember to leave a review when reading fanfiction!!! It means a lot to a writer.

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an AU where everything is the same except Sam has a lot of piercings and tattoos

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The Castle We’ve Built Won’t Cave- Chapter Two [Excerpt]

Read the full chapter on AO3. 

They didn’t find Dad in Colorado. What they did find, however, was a Wendigo, some lost guy, and absolute exhaustion. Sam was running on about one hour of sleep, adrenaline, and fury, and he was tired and, as much as he really didn’t want to, he knew he needed to sleep. He wasn’t ready for the nightmares fueled by guilt and sorrow, but he suggested getting a motel to Dean anyway. “Hey Dean, since we don’t have any leads on Dad right now, and since we haven’t really stopped anywhere yet, think we can get a motel room in town for a couple of nights?”

Dean looked so relieved to hear Sam say this. “Yeah, Sammy, sounds good,” Sam could see the worry that had been etched into his face since Dean had pulled him out of his burning apartment give way to relief and soften a bit. He pulled into the first motel with a vacancy light on and went in to get them a room while Sam waited for him in the car.

Dean came back out of the office of the motel after a couple of minutes, looking a little tense, and Sam wondered why. “They have a room, but there’s only one bed, it’s the last room they had. I took it, figured we needed the sleep and that we could get a different room in the morning or take off for somewhere else, look for a case, if you feel up to it.” Sam nods, grabs his duffle bag, and follows Dean inside, not saying a word the entire time, running completely on autopilot at this point.

They get to their door, Dean produces a key, and they go in. “I’m gonna take a shower, God I hope they have good water pressure. Get some sleep, Sammy.”

“Sam,” Sam corrects, but he does what Dean says and he pulls off his boots and his jacket, shedding his other layers as Dean heads into the bathroom, and climbs into bed in a fresh pair of boxers and a faded Metallica t-shirt that probably belonged to Dean at some point. He’s out before he even hears the shower turn on.

When Dean comes out of the shower, Sam is asleep on his side, facing away from Dean’s side of the bed, and he looks peaceful enough, but there’s still some tension in his body. Dean sighed and laid down, facing away from Sam, and hoped that Sam wouldn’t wake up screaming like he did the one time he fell asleep since Jessica died.

Dean woke up at the sound of strangled screams from next to him. He sat up and looked over at Sam, who was screaming but still asleep, chords standing out in his neck, back arched, and Dean shook him, trying to wake him up. “Sam! Sam! Sammy, wake up!” He’s yelling and shaking him, but Sam’s still out and Dean does the only thing he can think of- he grabs hold of Sam, cradling him against him like he did when Sammy was little and had a nightmare. It worked and Sam calmed down. Dean went to let go and lay Sam back down on his side of the bed, but, in his sleep, Sam tightened his grip on the arm wrapped around his chest, holding him against Dean. “I guess we’re stuck like this, huh, Sammy,” Dean whispers, loathe to wake Sam up. He was also loathe to let Sam go, not because he wants to sleep holding Sam or anything, but because Sam just lost his girlfriend and he needs the comfort. At least, that’s what he tells himself. He falls asleep spooning Sam, his chest pressed tight to Sam’s back and his arms wrapped tight around his chest and one leg between Sam’s, feet tangled together, and they both sleep the rest of the way through the night.

When Sam wakes up in the morning, it’s to light streaming through the shitty motel blackout curtains and breath puffing against the back of his neck. He goes to move, to roll over and see who’s behind him, half expecting it to be Jess, but he can’t because there are arms wrapped tight around his chest. They’re strong, muscular, male arms, and that’s when Sam’s sleep-addled brain catches up to him; it’s not Jess sleeping wrapped up with him, it’s Dean. He stops breathing for a second, his heart is pounding, and he pinches himself on the arm to make sure he isn’t just dreaming this again. He isn’t. What he’s going to do with that information, though, he doesn’t know.

He feels Dean start to stir, waking up, and Sam closes his eyes, feigning sleep, because he doesn’t want to deal with whatever awkwardness that a confrontation between the two of them would bring. “Sammy?” Dean whispered, clearly trying to judge if he was awake without waking him up if he wasn’t. When Sam didn’t answer, he felt Dean drop a kiss on his hair and gently untangle himself from Sam and get up. He waits for Dean to get dressed and go out for breakfast, as is his tradition when he’s up first, before he opens his eyes and sits up.

He just sits there, still trying to figure out what happened, why Dean was cuddled up to him, why he kissed him on the head, why Dean didn’t freak out when he woke up. His first thought is that Dean feels that same way about his brother as Sam does, but he immediately dismisses it. Dean is straight, and, besides, Sam was all kinds of messed up for feeling that way. Sam was probably having a nightmare and Dean was just trying to comfort him like when they were kids, and everything he did was completely brotherly affection. Yeah, Sam thought, That has to be it. It would explain why he wasn’t freaked out, too.

Tagging:

@67obsessions, @bitterpill-2swallow

If you’d like to be added to the tag list for future updates, just let me know! :)

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Me, trying to write

Me: Wow, the word document is open, the inspiration is here, my body is ready. Time to write.

Me to Me: Or you could watch all of John Mulaney's shows on Netflix for the fourth time, knit this scarf, and eat jellybeans instead.

Me: Oh my god, you right.

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The Castle We’ve Built Won’t Cave- Chapter One Excerpt

Read it on AO3.

Sam was just laying there, mostly asleep, nothing but the sounds of Jessica’s slight snores and the faint light of the street lamps from outside their window filtering in through the curtains keeping him from falling completely asleep, when he hears it, a faint click of the deadbolt being unlocked and the slow opening of the apartment door. He sat up slowly, so the bed doesn’t creak like it often does and alert whoever just broke into his house and so he doesn’t startle Jess awake. He rolled off the bed and stands, all in one smooth motion, silent and still and listening, just like Dad taught them, him and Dean, when they were kids. The noise was still there, near the front door, so Sam moved toward it, quiet and patient and tense, ready to strike. His eyes swept the room, which was clear, so he ducked around the corner, right by the entryway to the apartment now, and that was when he saw it, a shadow of someone, possibly something, kinda tall and pretty well built, and he pounced. He grabbed whatever it was, got in a few punches, and, next thing he knew, he was pinned underneath them on the floor, which was surprising, since the only one who’d ever been able to best him was Dean, not even Dad could do it.

“Little out of practice there, Sammy?” The figure above him says, and, God, how could Sam not have noticed before, it was Dean. Dean, who was six one and well built and suddenly here and pinning him to the ground and smiling like it was the good old days and they were just sparring, instead of Dean breaking into his apartment in the middle of the night after not so much as a phone call in two whole years; Dean who still made his heart flutter and his knees weak.

“Nope,” Sam says, breaking the moment and rolling them over, pinning Dean beneath him for a moment before he lets up and gets off his brother to offer him a hand in getting up, which Dean doesn’t so much as glance at as he springs up, cocky grin still firmly in place and the whole thing just strikes Sam as a moment out of the past, before this rift between them came up and Sam left. “What are you doing here, Dean?” Sam is a little upset, but he doesn’t sound it yet, still so shocked from the whole Dean showing up in the middle of the night thing.

“Sam?” Jess is awake and flipping on the light on them before Dean could answer, and now she’s standing there in her sleep shirt and a pair of underwear, and Dean is looking at her up and down and then at Sam.

Sam could see him trying to reconcile the information he had on Sam with the current situation and Sam doesn’t know how to explain that he is in fact still gay and that he’s with Jessica but she’s not his girlfriend to Dean, who is mr.one-night-stand and a very black-and-white, clear cut kind of guy who barely understands a relationship that doesn’t extend past a couple of dates and some hot sex. So, instead of trying to explain their relationship to him in the middle of the night when he doesn’t even know what Dean is doing here, he just says, “Dean, this is Jessica. Jess, Dean.”

“Dean? Like your brother?” Jess says it completely nonchalant, but her eyes are looking at Sam with a question: Dean like the one you talk about constantly and shouldn’t be in love with but are, that Dean? And Sam regrets that he let slip that he was in love with a Dean and shouldn’t be, because, while she didn’t put together that Dean-his-brother was Dean-the-guy-he-was-in-love-with, at least, until she flipped on the light to find him looking at his brother like he was a man lost in the desert for days who had just found water.

“Yeah. Listen, sweetheart, I need to borrow your boyfriend here for a second to talk about something. Family business, you know.” Dean is grinning his charming smile, the one he has when he’s laying it on thick, trying to pick up waitresses or sweet talk information out of a pretty someone for a case.

For some reason, that smile being used on Jess strikes a nerve with Sam, and he finds himself moving to stand next to Jessica and giving Dean a hard look, not unlike the looks he used to give Dad when he gave him an order that Sam didn’t want to follow. “Actually, Dean, anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Jess.”

Dean’s still smiling, but his eyes are harder now, he isn’t happy that Sam isn’t jumping to get back into whatever mess Dean, and probably Dad, was involved in now, “Dad hasn’t been home in a few days.”

Sam snorts, “Nothing unusual, he’s probably had a little too much to drink. He’ll be back in a few days. He always is.” He feels Jess’s hand on his back at that, quietly offering support, she knows how much his Dad’s drinking and disappoint in Sam get to him.

Dean’s smile is less now, less charming, almost willing Sam to understand, “Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a couple of days.” Sam goes cold. Yes, it was like Dad to take longer than he said on hunting trips, but it wasn’t like Dean at all to come to Sam, all worried like this.

“Jess, could you give us a second?” She looks at him, trying to check that he’s okay, and nods. He squeezes her hand in a way that she knows means don’t worry about me, I’m alright and I’ll explain later, I promise in a language that the two of them have built for themselves over the year and a half of their relationship, and she nods again, subtler this time, and goes back to their bedroom.

“This isn’t the first time he’s gone missing on a hunt, Dean,” Sam is hissing at his brother in his own living room, not wanting Jess to overhear, “So why are you dragging me off like this here, now.” He’s still whispering, even though his brother is pulling him out of the door of his apartment and toward the stairwell.

“He’s been gone for a month, Sam, and he won’t answer his phone, not for days.” They’re halfway down the stairs when Dean suddenly stops and turns to him, “I haven’t talked to you, haven’t seen you, haven’t asked you for a thing in two years, Sam. Help me find him.”

“I have to be back by Monday,” Sam says, heading back up the stairs to tell Jess and pack a duffel bag with some stuff for the weekend.

“That a yes?” Dean’s smirking a little, now, because he knows Sam well enough to know that that was as close as he’d get to Sam agreeing.

“Like I said, I gotta be back on Monday.”

Sam heads into his apartment, closing the door quietly behind him to find Jess standing in the living room, hands on her hips, waiting for an explanation as to why his brother showed up here in the middle of the night and needed Sam to go with him. He moved past her into their bedroom, knowing she’d come with, to start packing a bag.

“You’re going with him? What about everything you’ve said, about hating being moved around a lot, how much your Dad doesn’t appreciate you, wanted you to stay gone if you left.” She sounds a little angry, and Sam knows most of it isn’t directed at him, but a little was because she thought he was doing something stupid. He knew she was right but he kept silent as he threw stuff into his duffel. “What about Dean?” And the way she says it, he knows she’s put the dots together, that the two Deans he mentioned before were the same one, his brother, and she doesn’t think that running off into the night with him is such a good idea.

“He’s why I’m going. Dad’s probably in a cabin somewhere, drinking himself stupid, but it matters to Dean so now I have to help him bring him back.” Sam sighs, knowing Jess is right about this, that he shouldn’t leave with Dean, but he can’t ignore something this important to Dean, even though he knows getting mixed up with him and then leaving again will probably break him. “I’ll be back on Monday, I swear.” Sam looks Jessica in the eyes when he says it, to tell her he means it, that he’s not running off with Dean and never coming back.

“I’ll be here.” He knows she means more than just that she’ll be home when he gets back, but also that she’ll be waiting to pick up the pieces when he comes back and Dean is gone again to God-knows-where and, God, Sam has never loved her more.

“I know, Jess.” He stops packing and hugs his partner, tight and full of thanks for being there and for not hating him after finding out that the two Deans were the same guy. She kisses him on the cheek when he lets her go. “I gotta go, now, Dean’s probably a minute and a half from barging back in here and dragging me off with him.” They hug once more and then he’s out the door and on his way down to Dean and whatever mess he’s waiting for him to drag him into with Dad.

Tagging:

@67obsessions   

If anyone wants to be tagged in future posts about this fic (or other fics or whatever), just let me know, I guess?

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Forty Five Brainstormed Titles Later...

I’ve finally got one! Now to post the first chapter, finish the second (which I’m about half way done with), and write some more...

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When you haven’t even finished season twelve yet, so you block every possible variation of season 13 tags to avoid spoilers. My entire dash is basically just blank posts that say “post contains: [insert any of the various season 13 tags here]” Worth it, tho, I think.

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This has become way way longer than I thought it would be and I’ve written a chapter and a half so far and I wanna post it but I’ve got no title and this is a problem...

LISTEN

I have a concept and I’m writing a fic about it, alright. 

Gay!Sam who went to Stanford, befriended Aromantic!Jessica, they end up in a QueerPlatonic relationship. The whole time Sam is trying to get over his feelings for Dean and then Dean barges into his and Jess’s apartment and everything heads downhill from there. He’s trying to get over Jessica’s death and he still has feelings for Dean and he’s trying to hide it and he wants to tell Dean about how Jess wasn’t actually his girlfriend and how he still loves him. He doesn’t and he notices that Dean won’t look him in the eye. 

Basically just some angsty dancing around each other Season One Wincest with some get together and canon divergence because I can. 

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May I Present: The Epic Love Story of Sam And Dean- A Fanmix

Listen here: Spotify || Youtube

Would You Be So Kind by Dodie

Book Smart by Air Traffic Controller

Mistakes Like This by Prelow

Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys

Sick Of Losing Soulmates by Dodie

Sleep Alone by Two Door Cinema Club

Tell Me How by Paramore

Strawberries & Cigarettes by Troye Sivan

Need You by Allie X

Goodmorning by Bleachers

Get Into My Car by Echosmith

Landslide by Oh Wonder

I Found by Amber Run

Scary Love by The Neighbourhood

Seeing Blind by Niall Horan

I’m also working on a version of this with Explanations/Headcanons that I’ll post as soon as it’s done. 

Find this and other Fanmixes here.

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Ask meme? Hell yes!

I was tagged by @zmediaoutlet to do this meme, which, honestly, surprised me because, unlike on my main blog (I say that like this is a sideblog, and it isn’t, anyway...), I’ve interacted with like a whole four people? Anyway, here goes:

Relationship Status: Single As Fuck

Favorite Colors: Cobalt blue and Black and this other color that I don’t know the name of, but it’s the same color as the Ballet Slippers shade of Essie Nail Polish, alright. 

Top Three Ships: Yikes. The top two are really easy to pick: Sam/Dean and Remus Lupin/Sirius Black from Harry Potter (Which, by the way, if that’s your jam I write a lot about them on my main, and, what’s this? Shameless self-promotion? Yes, yes it is). The third was a bit of a toss up because so many to choose from and so many fandoms, but I guess it’ll be Rory/Jess from Gilmore Girls, you know, for variety and what have you. 

Lipstick/Chapstick: I guess Lipstick, not that I use either very often, but I’ve got some cute dark reds and a black tube of lipstick and it’s pretty great and I don’t even own any chapstick so....

About reading fanfiction: When? Where? How often? And what’s the current story you’re reading?: Oh boy, I read fics everywhere and all the time (well not in like the car because it gives me a headache but nowhere else is safe). How often, you say? Probably assume that if I’m awake I have a fanfiction (or several) open on my phone just waiting for a moment for me to be able to read it, even if it’s only a few sentences.  Currently, for Sam/Dean, I’m re-reading Sure Got A Dirty Mouth by JustineDelarge, even though I’ve read it like, what is it now, four or five times? It’s very good. Also I need more recommendations for Sam/Dean stuff, especially longer works like this one (it’s nearly 400k words). For my other main ship, Wolfstar (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black), I read The Witching Hour recently.

Last Song: Yikes, I’m listening to the New Alternative Radio on Pandora right now, so let’s see what it is that I’m listening to shall we? It’s Growing Pains by Coin (who I’ve recently started to get into, wow, 10/10). 

Last Movie: Well, I started watching Heathers the other day, but I only watched the first 45 minutes or something, so does that count? I say no, since I didn’t actually watch the whole thing. Before that it was Jenny’s Wedding (for god knows what time, I’ve seen that movie so so many times). 

Top 3 Shows: Supernatural (Except I haven’t finished Season 12 and I’ve seen Seasons 1 and 2 approximately 6 times, each, because they’re my favorite seasons), Gilmore Girls (Alexis Bledel is a hell of an actress and the first, like, four and a half seasons also have a baby faced Jared Padalecki, so how could you not? I’ve seen the entire series 6.5 times and I’ve watched the revival twice), and Handmaid’s Tale (It’s based on one of my favorite books by my favorite author and it also has Alexis Beldel, and, now that I think about it, Jenny’s Wedding also has her in it and I’m sensing a theme...).

Top 3 Bands/Artists: This changes a lot, but, currently, we have Coin, Dodie, and Khalid. 

Currently reading: As far as fanfiction, it’s like I said earlier, Sure Got A Dirty Mouth by JustineDelarge for Sam/Dean. As for not fanfiction, I’m currently reading Simon vs. The Homo Sapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli, which I just bought this morning and I’m already a few chapters in and it’s so so so good (also it’s the book that the movie Love, Simon is based on, if anyone is, you know, curious or whatever). 

So, the rules say, tag nine people, and me, on my tiny brand new baby blog, do not have nine followers, let alone nine mutuals, so I’m gonna tag some people that I’ve seen around (and my mutuals, all two of them).

@67obsessions @rei-74 @jenneel-jarevieve @fuck-supernatural-its-2k18 @wxncesters @boykingsqueen @doctor--idiot 

I didn’t even get to nine, oh my god. 

Oh well. This is it, then. 

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I’ve rewatched the pilot episode a few times in the last couple of days and...

At first when Dean comes to get Sam from Stanford, he won’t look him in the eye and it’s all awkward tension and whatever, but then they start working the case like old times, etc, and Dean starts looking him in the eyes and he seems much less tense. That is, until the hunt is over and Sam still insists on going back to school, and then Dean is all tense and won’t look at him directly again and just puts up that Everything’s Fine facade and if that’s not pining!Dean then idk what is. 

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↳ “I made you a promise in that church. You and me, come whatever.” 

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LISTEN

I have a concept and I’m writing a fic about it, alright. 

Gay!Sam who went to Stanford, befriended Aromantic!Jessica, they end up in a QueerPlatonic relationship. The whole time Sam is trying to get over his feelings for Dean and then Dean barges into his and Jess’s apartment and everything heads downhill from there. He’s trying to get over Jessica’s death and he still has feelings for Dean and he’s trying to hide it and he wants to tell Dean about how Jess wasn’t actually his girlfriend and how he still loves him. He doesn’t and he notices that Dean won’t look him in the eye. 

Basically just some angsty dancing around each other Season One Wincest with some get together and canon divergence because I can. 

You can read it (or what exists of it thus far) on AO3.

[winchester-or-whateve-blog]

Okay, so, every single damn time I listen to Sleep Alone by Two Door Cinema Club I think about Stanford!Sam quietly pining for Dean and he doesn’t know where Dean is, what he’s doing, or how he is, and every night is a struggle to sleep alone in this strange stagnant place and like. Goddamn, the feels this song hits me with every time I hear it. 

Send me your fav wincest songs so I can make a playlist :)

I’ll start! Rn my top wincest song is “history book” by dry the river

Beneath an angry Bible flood did you and I first learn to love. In my father’s car we came to know. And shivered in our painted clothes and paired like every animal below. As heavy as a history book can be, I will carry it with me, oh Lord. And maybe when the bitterness has gone, There’ll be sweetness on our tongues once more.

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Sam wakes up and hears the fire crackle; they’ve borrowed a hunter’s cabin in Wyoming for the case and it doesn’t have electricity.

He knows something is wrong, because Dean’s back trembles, and Sam crawls closer.

“Dean?” he whispers, fingertips light against his big brother’s naked back. It’s smooth and golden in the light of the flames, and Sam doesn’t know why it makes his stomach flutter. “You awake?”

Dean goes taut beneath his touch. “Go back to sleep, Sammy.”

It’s not mean or harsh, but it makes Sam’s stomach churn. “I can’t,” he whispers, because John’s snores from the couch are close. “You’re sad.”

Dean turns around then, and Sam’s eyes go wide, because Dean’s eyes are puffy and red in the yellow, waxy glow from the fire. His big brother, ever so brave and true is crying, and Sam asks: “Why are you sad?”

Dean laughs strangely and puts a hand to Sam’s cheek. He draws him close; Sam lets him, because it’s Dean. His big brother, his everything. He feels safe in Dean’s arms.

Then, Dean whispers: “Because I think I love you too much.”

Sam doesn’t know what that means, but when he traces his index finger down the bridge of Dean’s freckled nose, he decides.

He wants to find out.