I know I’m getting worse but I’m trying to get better. I don’t understand.
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Evertime I talk to my dad, I just feel numb. I feel numb. Is exhausting and I just can’t. I can’t.
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I don’t know how to do this.
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Today me and my friend tried on clothes. I realize I still hate my body. I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.
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I want to tell him I miss him but I’m too scared lol.
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Today my dad talked to me about what he’s done my entire life, before I was born even. But what he addressed seemed surface level. I didn’t feel anything. I don’t feel anything even now. I feel empty and like tears might come out. I don’t want to see him for awhile. I want to cry. I wish he didn’t do that stuff. I wish he didn’t lie. I wish he realized that what he’s done has affected me my whole life. But he doesn’t. He only brought up all the ladies he’s hurt and my loss of respect as an after thought. But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that I stopped eating after my mom told me because eating made me feel like him and I never want to be anything like him. He doesn’t realize there are so many nights and days I’ve cried because of him. He doesn’t realize.
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I’ve been sick for like a month :(((
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I realize the only thing that I really feel safe eating is ice cream 😭💀 so weird
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I sent an unsent message about him. I hope he never finds it
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i love the phrase "cruel and unusual." not only is what you're doing mean but it's also quite frankly fucking bizarre
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you don’t have to belong everywhere
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Lately I’ve been eating so much. I swear I can see it in my arms and stomach and face. I hate it
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I miss him. We talked about things and he’s not sure he wants a relationship right now. So we’re cooling things off until he decides. I’ve barely messaged him. There’s so much that I’ve wanted to send him but haven’t because I need to let him think. I miss him so much.
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I think I have a headache from crying 😭😭😭
I’ve cried basically every day multiple times a day for the past two weeks. I’m so tired
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I know what I’m going to do about my dad. Tonight will be the last night I spend at his, at least for awhile. I’m 17, I can choose, my little sister can’t but I told her that we could call and everything. I feel bad leaving her there, they don’t get along at all. All they do is egg each other on and be bitter. But I need to get away. I’m going to get away and tell him either over text or phone call that the reason is his nonstop cheating and that he needs to realize that it hurts people and that he can’t marry his girlfriend without giving her all of the information. How he still messages women daily and still meets up with them. He needs to realize that his actions hurt people. I’ve spent my entire life dealing with his issues and putting them on my shoulders when I should’ve just been a little kid. I get so sad thinking about it because I don’t want to hurt my dad but I need to do this.
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I’m so emotionally exhausted
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