a-mitchell-named-jordan - Tumblr blog

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

Gatorade-less Gatorade is now on the market... Isn't capitalism awesome?

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

I once made a spiced rice that I cooked using orange juice... Shit was life-changing

life becomes so beautiful when you start cooking rice in liquids other than water

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

Fuck doing things for my loved ones -

I'm doing things for my hated ones now

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

An original soup: "Green Pantry-Scraper", delicious and surprisingly hearty; the smooth and sultry texture is complemented by the tangy creaminess, and balanced out with the natural bite of lemon, garlic, and ginger. - To make the stock: In a soup pot, sauté 1 half roughly chopped white onion in 4 tbsp of butter for 2 minutes until softened Add 2-3 large whole cloves garlic and 1 whole stalk of green onions/scallions, roughly chopped - sauté for an extra 30 seconds Add 2 large tbsp red miso paste and chase with 8 cups water, 3/4 cups dry white wine, the juice of 1 lemon, and a quarter of the lemon peel - bring back up to a boil, then reduce heat to simmer Simmer for 30 minutes to 1 hr (or longer if desired), until reduced by about 1/4 *Optional: you can add 1/3 cups fresh basil leaves 3-5 min before you remove from heat, or you can add the basil to the blender in the next step; also optional, you can add a parmesan rind to the stock at the beginning, just be sure to remove from the stock later. - To make the soup: Put 1 1/2 cups steamed broccoli, 1 cup steamed carrots, (optional) 1 cup steamed celery, and 2 Yukon potatoes, steamed or baked, into a blender Add 2 tbsp olive oil (can be flavored if desired), 1 tbsp oregano, 1/2-1 tbsp red pepper flakes, 2 tbsp dried parsley, 1 tbsp ginger powder, 1/2 tbsp curry powder, 1/2 tbsp salt, 1/2 tbsp black pepper, 1-2 tbsp honey, and 1/3 cups goat cheese or sour cream Strain the solids from the stock, adding them and 2-3 cups of the stock into the blender, and blend on high (or "liquefy"), slowly streaming in 2/3 cups heavy whipping cream, and then the rest of the stock, until a smooth consistency is achieved Pour the soup back into the pot and slowly bring heat back up to desired temp, or serve directly into bowls *If the rest of the stock cannot fit into the blender, it can be poured back into the pot and incorporated into the blended soup via stirring; alternatively, all ingredients can be added to the pot and blended with an immersion blender until smooth -Optional: garnish with young pumpkin seeds/pepitas, sour cream, and cucumber or white wine vinegar ENJOY!!! #soup #foodporn #pantryscraperchallenge https://www.instagram.com/p/Co1A8Kttmps/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

I'm a little obsessed with the nightmare I had a couple nights ago:

I inherited a restaurant called "Benny's"; Benny's had the decor, fixtures, and appearence of a 90's/00's family-oriented chain restaurant (think Applebee's, early Olive Garden, Bennigan's, that kinda restaurant), but with slightly more of a sickly yellow tint. Maybe the sign looks something like this?:

As I appeared in the front of the restaurant, it was immediately obvious that it was incredibly understaffed, and that's when the cortisol started pumping through my grey cells. I only observed a hostess at the front counter, and one other server, yet the restaurant seemed packed - filled to the sickly yellow brim - how, I'm not sure, as the air was thick with the apparent knowledge that this establishment has been going under for quite some time; diners were clearly stressed by the lack of service and lengthy wait times. At that point it's like, why keep your insipid, bloated family going if you're just gonna keep complaining? That's insanity according to Einstein - but I digress. I walk into the kitchen door located directly next to the hostess' station at the front counter, only to discover to my absolute horror that the MASSIVE kitchen houses exactly ONE cook, who's standing catatonic staring at one of the fryers in the middle of the kitchen. The floors are unimaginably dirty, the sinks are positively rife with dishes, and there are vegetable remnants on the counters and unexplainable yellow stains on certain portions of the uncomfortably white, industrial walls - also, the cook was my high school philosophy teacher, but that's not important to the story, it's just odd. When I walk back out and to the right wing of the restaurant, I spot 2 "ice cream attendants" and one server who appears to be tending to a diner with a push cart full of desserts; let that sink in: a seemingly long-time failing restaurant establishment that has horrendous problems with staffing attempting to keep, not one, but TWO gimmicks afloat. What gimmicks? Oh, I don't know, an ICE CREAM STATION (full of specialty ice cream flavors that patrons can choose from - as if there aren't already enough problems with this place) that requires 2 people to serve, AND a fucking DESSERT CART? Buddy, the "fancy restaurant that can bring a dessert cart for sampling and dishing out confections on a whim" idea definitely passed a while ago, shut it down already. As I turn back, I (for some reason I still don't understand) bolt back to the front of the left wing of the restaurant (where there's a small booth with an intercom system [???]) and loudly announce to all patrons via intercom that "I believe this establishment can and WILL survive; starting now, we will be making some big changes, and we'll get some new staff in - THIS WILL NOT FAIL!" (or some shit like that where I seemed to be talking very hard out of my posterior, which everyone seemed to buy since people started cheering). I'll take this time to explain that, while I was in the intercom booth, I noticed that this left wing stretched to the right about 50 feet farther down, so now I surmised the restaurant was in the shape of a big "L" - lots of space to hold lots of pissed off customers. Here's a poorly drawn graphic for reference:

I instantaneously start attempting to seat and serve people, having NO KNOWLEDGE of the menu or drinks or wait times or policies or specials or really anything to do with the enormous turd sandwich I "inherited"(?), so when a woman asked if she could have the special cake listed in the dessert section of the menu, I stupidly said "AbSoLuTeLy" and immediately ran back into the kitchen to see if I could MAKE IT MYSELF?? Then after realizing I now had no idea where any ingredients were in the kitchen, I ran back out to see if the dessert cart had it. If this all doesn't seem stressful enough, I have to elaborate some more and describe the UPDATED shape of this hell hole. I remembered that the dessert cart and ice cream station were on the right wing of the restaurant, so I headed back over there, only to look on in agonizing mental anguish at the vista before me: the right wing turned to the left (like a mirror image of the left wing) about 20 feet; even worse, as I turned around, the other end of the right wing extended out another 100 feet INTO A FUCKING BAR AND CASINO! BENNY'S WAS A GIANT "h"???:

I wanted to cry. I wanted to punch my brain. I wanted to wake up. I wanted to shit my pants. I wanted to do a lot of things. But, weirdly enough, at the same time, I wanted to see where exactly this would end up. However, it was at this time that I had slowly drifted out of sleep, and withdrew from this nightmare, back into reality. Thinking back, I had watched a couple episodes of Kitchen Nightmares a couple nights before, and I fully believe that my brain decided to process all that information by providing me with this big ol' nocturnal blood pressure spike. Here's the thing, though: ever since then, I've been seriously thinking about how I could actually improve Benny's. HEAR ME OUT - I now have a Five Prong plan to bring Benny's back from the gutter: 1) Shorten the left wing hall to 20 feet to actually mirror the right wing. 2) GET. RID. OF. THE. DESSERT. CART. AND. ICE. CREAM. STATION. 3) Close off that fucking bar and casino - it can stay, but I'm sure people would appreciate if it was separate from the dining section. 4) Hire enough staff (no-brainer, duh). 5) This is the most important prong: rebrand that sucker HARD. Benny's needs a redo, everyone in the town knows it - please shoot Benny's in the head and put a changeling in its place, for all of our sake.

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

>Boi meet girle

>Boy say "You hev eyes are very pretty"

>Gir saying "than youu but I am to withh my boifrend"

>Boye see big big musky man man across bar

>Bo say to girl "tHat is him yes? Man has largg arms an hairy chist talk to that other women??"

>girel turning to look et bofrind and to see hem putting of his hand on to anothar girlys bunt backside

>Girr starting to cry hard and harder

>Boye say "It is ok to be crying,, yor eyes are the still prettier withot havin to be looking at thatt auful snake dog man cheting man"

>boy jently whip away the tears from gril face and cheks

>Girrl hug him n say "Thnak you, he never sed my eeys pretty, but you just did so thnak yoou and I loving you now!!"

>Like this if you cryying evertim 💯💯💯💯🔥🍆🇺🇦💫💔❤️‍🩹👄💅🧑‍🚀🦸🌈🐭🍢🍦🏗️📓🈷️🔁🔯

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

If astrology isn't real, then how did I know I would say that?

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

Nuh uh, it doesn't appear to be apart of my destiny worm...

I love when fic writers make Tony Stark an It*lian.

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

Tonnie Starko

I love when fic writers make Tony Stark an It*lian.

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

Reblogging for myself so I can keep pressing the link

(it really does randomize 😍)

do you want to see a random species of bird

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

Technically "alligator" has a traditional Latin neuter suffix...

There is no discernable reason you couldn't call a female alligator an "alligatrix"

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

***Just made a new meme template fer y'all***

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

Last night's dinner: a deconstructed Tuscan-style stew; sautéed bell peppers, pan-roasted potato, tomato, and Italian seasoned polenta slices with fresh Romano and mozzarella cheese and a spicy mushroom cream sauce - with fresh Italian parsley sprig and crispy bacon bits (optional) for garnish 😁🤌 #foodporn #foodpr0n #tuscanstyle #deconstructedfood #deconstructed #cheese #veggies #sauce #saucelikeaboss #plating https://www.instagram.com/p/CZx1GAdlzjK/?utm_medium=tumblr

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

M. Night ain't got shit on the plot twist of "Scooby Doo on Zombie Island" when it turned out the zombies were the good guys

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

Tell me we're about to repeat the dark ages without telling me we're about to repeat the dark ages

VACCINATE YA KIDS FFS

[a-mitchell-named-jordan]

The undercover special forces pasta regiment:

Spaghetznaz