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[addypillar]

I’m made to be on the sidelines. I’m not a person who gets a fairytale story, I don’t even get written in the book. I’m the one who sits and watches the story unfold. It feels like i’m not even the main character in my own life, I am I side character everywhere, the ones without significance. I watch everyone laugh and joke, trying to be apart of something that I clearly don’t belong in. The odd one out. People steal my jokes, say them louder, drown me out. How many people would like me if I wasn’t drowned out by the waves of other people? I watch all kinds of beautiful relationships, in books, in real life, I wonder why I can’t have it for myself. Does god hate me? Is there something wrong with me? Why wasn’t I made to be someone? Questions without answers. They will get drowned out by other sounds, I will be drowned out by other sounds.

[addypillar]

“But your body deserves to be nourished”

My gigantic mass of fat does not deserve anything 😭

[addypillar]

okay!! finished “he’s to us” by becky abertolli and adam silvera (sorry i know i spelt one of their names wrong) last week and i’ve been trying to really think of the right words for this book review, but i cant. This book has left me speechless. It has such a good touch of realism and the most unrealistic love at the same time. This book made me want to believe that love in story books are based on real life, not just something people make up to make them feel better. For me personally, this book makes me think so much about the world, and how we end up where we are and who we are with. The plot of the story and edging most definitely did NOT disappoint. The character development from the first book to the second really captures what it’s like to grow up, do lead your life into different directions. This book also depicts what it means to really be inlove with someone, and that love really isn’t something you can force. The book tells a story that shows many different kinds of love. Platonic, unrequited, true love, and family love. Something that everyone should experience in life and I loved it. It’s definitely a 5/5 in my book.

[addypillar]

why does it feel like i’m floating all of the time?

[addypillar]

i don’t know who i am anymore

[addypillar]

ITS NOT FAIR

[addypillar]

starting a new sims game today i hope they look better then the last ones i made

[addypillar]

he’s just like me

[addypillar]

i just finished “what if it’s us” by adam silvera and becky albertalli and just wow. I didn’t know how much a craved a cringy romance until now. ITS SO GOOD HOLY SHIT?? it has a great sense of hope and realism with corny romance and amazing friendships. The bonds between the characters and friends is something that i desperately want and hope for others in life and jt have a great depiction of platonic and romantic love. The book overcomes the feelings of heartbreak and the feelings of overcoming a past relationship and listening to yourself when you need time to process. and from the other perspective it shows how hard and complicated a first relationship can be and that you can just be a huge mess and still find a way to work past your messes and try a do over and that relationships don’t work if one person isn’t trying to make it work. I keep ranting and ranting because i have no one who wants to listen to my thoughts on this book. I saw the most of myself in Bens character and the way he thinks is very similar to my own and i can’t wait to see more of him in the sequal. if you’re looking for a cringy cheese but still sad and sentimental romcom to get you thinking about love and relationships then this book is for you. But be prepared for the harry potter and broadway references because they are there and they are detailed, i understood them because i am an ex- fan of harry potter and i also love musical storytelling like broadway but it’s not for everyone so keep that in mind.

what if it’s us is a 10/10 book for me i loved it dearly

[addypillar]

the urge to block everyone and pretend like i don’t exist is really tempting rn

[addypillar]

i miss mutuals someone be my friend

[addypillar]

ITS OUT!!

[addypillar]

i’m going to go take pictures but i’m so scared bc i’m wearing a short skirt so you can see my legs. I HATE MY LEGS

[addypillar]

i wish i was pretty

[addypillar]

HEARTSTOPPER VOL 5 EVE!!

[addypillar]

i am about to throw myself off a building i am miserable

[addypillar]

my friend is going through my account and i am so scared this blog is like my most deep and personal thing ever this is for the internet NOT YOU NINA