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[adviceformefromme]

i always love harder than what i receive. they love me but i dont think its the same as how i love them. it never is. i try to control it but my heart is a shattered mess

Hey sweetie, the answer will be to always give yourself the love you are seeking in others. Those people are mirroring back to you where you need to heal. That over extension of love you are handing out like free donuts is for you. You deserve to give that love to yourself. Imagine if you invested in your dreams and passions like you did in other people? Imagine if you really put yourself first above everything else like you do other people? Imagine how wholesome you would feel if you let others come forward and love you? Instead you lean forward and this leaves no room for them to lean into you. There needs to be space for someone to love you. You create that by loving on you, choosing you, prioritising you. I struggle with over extension of love, and life always teaches me the hard way this is not the answer. The answer will always be to put you first, choose you. Love on you, cherish you, admire you. As you do this, watch how quickly those around will follow lead. xoxox

[adviceformefromme]

Stop obsessing over him…

While it might seem fun to fantasise about a man, to think about him non-stop, to imagine your life together what you’re actually doing is sending a very strong signal to the universe that energetically ‘I come second’. While this might sound extreme, hear me out... Your thoughts are no longer your own because you are thinking about him. You can’t focus on you because you are thinking about him. All of a sudden everything is about him. You wake up, you take a shower. Lost in the fantasy...He might be a man you’re talking to, dating, fucking, whatever the case my be. Obsessing over a man in thought is never something you should get comfortable with, giving your precious energy away to moments that will ….most likely never happen. And what for? What about thinking about you. Your dreams, passions? The vision for your day? You only have so much mental capacity each day. And getting lost in the fantasy is not the answer.

Create no fantasy of him. This is your lesson. Press pause. Literally press fucking pause. Eject the tape. Throw it out the window. This is YOUR movie. You get to take centre stage. You no longer have to play second to mentally overthinking men. 

Start choosing you. But you have to choose you in thought first and foremost. You can’t come second in thought. Your thinking has to be on you, about you. You can’t come second mentally because a man who is not your man is taking centre stage in your mind. Your thinking space is prime real estate. It needs YOU. YOU need to own that domain. Not think it’s cute to imagine the future, get all giddy and love sick. No. No no no. Bring it back to you. Your job now is to remain focused on you. That is it. Remain focused of you. Let go. Just let go. 

Is this message clear enough for you. Do you understand now how harmful it is to make a man first priority in your mind? 

Give yourself some grace. Clean your room and get back to you. Focusing on you. Energising you. It’s a process, but the shift can be instant..all of a sudden one day you just say no. No to allowing a man to take up the domain of your mind. And just like that you can switch off that light in your mind that gets excited to overthink a man. Say no. Pray. Ask for a miracle. Call on angels. This is truly serious because focusing on you, and remaining in your centre is how you win in this life. 

[adviceformefromme]

Ladies, you have to get real serious about protecting your energy when it comes to these men. Not in the sense that men are to be feared, no. In a way that you know your value, you know that giving yourself away to a man mentally, physically or emotionally comes at a price. 

A rose has thorns for a reason. Nature teaches us that precious beauty is to be protected. So why are you any different? Allowing men, who are not even your man to move in and make a home in your mind? Those little likes he sends you, and elusive questions, lead you to believe he is interested… but its’ just a little carrot dangle and you fall for the bait every time. WAKE UP. New rules. Stop allowing space for these men in your life. I promise you, blocking, deleting, and ignoring these breadcrumbs will save you a lot of energy. Energy that’s for you, for your dreams, your passions. Letting go of the fantasy is also necessary. Often the pain you feel, is because you expected it to go a certain way. You’re disappointed your fantasy didn’t come true, and this is the true hurt. Learn to let go of imagining when it comes to men.

And lastly, your energy, is worthy of protection. It’s worthy of showing him no, goodbye, sorry, ciao. Let this be a new chapter in showing up for yourself, of keeping your energy clear from entertaining men that offer the least but take up the most amount of room in your mind. Protect your energy. 

[adviceformefromme]

I keep having intrusive thoughts about my relationship and I’m going insane… my anxiety isn’t as intense , and now without the intensity I feel less emotions because I’m not constantly trying to grab breadcrumbs or look for red flags? I feel as though I need to always feel something intensely, love, excitement, passion, joy, attraction. And if I don’t, I’m questioning everything? And looking for something to tell me this isn’t right? This is so healthy, so loving, so joyful, and without intensity of ups and downs or something to solve or something to be super happy about, I start to question everything? Im just nitpicking everything. Doesn’t exactly feel like intuition because I’ve never questioned my intuition like I am obviously doing right now. Lol. 

Hey sweetie, those intrusive thoughts with practise can float away from your mind without you having to cling onto them and make a story out of them. This is the practise of mindfulness. Just because you have thoughts passing through your mind doesn't mean they need to make a home within you. Looking for the worst in a relationship is mirroring whats going on inside. Could be an old trauma that needs resolving, could be as simple as expecting everyone to be perfect because you expect yourself to be perfect? Could be childhood beliefs that have not been challenged or questioned? I 1000% would recommend therapy. And if that's not an option, i'd work with pen and paper and start journaling to understand yourself better. Challenge what you currently believe to be true about your relationship. About how you feel? What is the evidence? Why are you nit picking? Keep diving into the whys. You'll get some answers, but a good therapist will help you fast track the answers and clear out the old stories in your mind. xoxox

[adviceformefromme]

Burn your fucking to do list. Write a love list. Everyday when you wake up. What does my day look like in love? What do I wear today that makes me feel love? What conversations do I have that make me feel the energy of love?

Normalise a life filled with love.

[adviceformefromme]

How do I stop attracting guys that just want sex? I feel like I continually am (even though I make my intentions clear I want a relationship) I feel like I’ll never get a bf. I’m 24 years old, I am very selective of who I give my energy to (only slept with one guy that was a situationship) i hate dating and feel like I don’t know what I’m doing wrong and keep attracting these types of guys like I said....

Hey sweetie, okay I would first assess if you are leading with your sexual energy. The men you attract and entertain in your life are mirrors, they are a reflection of where your energy is at. Do you lead with your body and image as your selling point? What is your social media presence like? Are you posting photos half naked or are you covered up? Do you allow conversations that lead to a path of sexual flirtation? Or do you feel like you want something from these men? Money, gifts, etc. When you objectify a men mentally for what he can offer you, in turn men will mirror back wanting something from you - sex. Questions to ask yourself... Where do i see my value? What is it I have to offer to a relationship with a man? What value do I want to receive from a man in my life? These might seem like serious questions, but ultimately you need to check-in to ensure you are projecting the correct energy for what you want to receive. If you want a man to love and respect you and see you for who you truly are. You have to become that for yourself, and you also have to start seeing men in a different light. And also start seeing yourself with love, treating yourself with love, and honouring yourself with love. Once you do this, the men in your life will honour and value the respect you show yourself. xoxox

[adviceformefromme]

Sharing video maybe one per week that can inspire, help and expand your growth and awareness. This guy has just under 4 million views on this. It's so simple and authentic. Just a little reminder that your truth, your being is your gift, your superpower.

[adviceformefromme]

If you want to step into that let’s-fucking-go energy and eat this week alive then here’s a few steps to activate that fire in your belly so you’re heated, motivated and fuelled for a winning week ahead. 

1] Listen to some motivation. Literally 10 mins while you’re making your breakfast, walking the dog, even in the shower. Go play something positive to get your mind activated. I recommend P Diddy (I listened to this today), Old Kanye West, Gary V, Chanel Ritchie, Eric Thomas, Jim Rohn, Joe Rogan, but find someone who speaks to your soul and gives you that let’s-fucking-go motivation. 

2] Get a list together so you can stab through those tasks. Write the time it will take to do each one, so you can see how easy it is to achieve what you need to in a short amount of time. For example a 10 min YouTube meditation. 5 mins writing goals, 15 mins breakfast, 10 mins quick shower and get dressed, 15 mins yoga stretches. In under an hour you could have achieved so much.. see how quantifying your schedule shifts things? 

3] Focus on your move-the-needle tasks as an absolute PRIORTY. This is the task that is above everything else. That is going to get you to where you want to be. For example if you want to write a book, or become a content creator. Literally DO the thing that is going to move you forward TODAY. And the sooner in the day you get it done the better. 

These are some simple things that have been helping me. Since I quit scrolling and moved into action I feel more energised, more present and overall more happy. Gone are the days I feel shit for not doing what I promised myself.

[adviceformefromme]

Heyy! I love ur blog it’s so amazing and helpful, I love it!

So erm I kind of have a problem that I’d love to hear your thoughts on:

So I keep feeling super left out in my friend group for a while now and I don't understand what I'm doing wrong!

I'm loyal, kind, smart, funny, generous, "pretty" (not to sound vain but I'm not that ugly), and caring! l'd do anything for people I care about and yet still I just don't get why i can't be treated the same way :/

It's so upsetting and I hate it so much I just hate it. I'm doing everything right! I'm not rude at all and I just don't get why I can't be liked and appreciated and WANTED the same way everyone else is

I know that the advice for this would probably be to

"stop seeking external validation" or "just love yourself» but I do love myself! I hate that I'm treated this way and I hate that it's bothering me!!

I just don't get what I'm doing wrong or what I should do:/

I'm forever grateful to you for your time for answering this, thankyou so much 🩷🩷

Hey Sweetie,

thank you for the kind words and sharing this. Completely valid that this is bothering you. Your friends are the family you choose, so why are you choosing people who don't choose you ? Friendships should add to your life not take away. As hard as this may seem, I would definitely consider finding some new friends. Not to cut off your current ones, but just so the focus is less on the current group. So you are choosing to nurture relationships that add to your life not subtract. Navigating new friends can seem challenging.

1] Set the intention to make some new friends. Say out loud I am calling in new friendships that feel good and nourish me. Keep repeating this or something that is similar that makes sense to you, so you put energy into the world of what you want to call in.

2] Get some new hobbies and passions. Do things alone away from your friends, maybe its a fitness class, a foreign lanugage class, painting, swimming, horse riding. Just something away from friends. Depending on age / circumstances the above might be hard but pouring yourself into something you love will give you a distraction from your friendship groups.

3] Learn to lean back. When you are constantly leaning forward asking people, expecting, wanting, needing it puts alot of pressure on the friendship and that is because it is meant to FLOW. I have a friend who would almost beg me to meet up. It was overwhelming. Not at all saying this is you, but the example here is to show that its okay to lean back, let people come to you.

4] Remember that your people will feel like home. It will feel natural, it will feel like happiness, comfort. Whatever you are not getting from your current friends is available from others if you ALLOW. There needs to be space in your life to receive aligned friendships. If your life is full with these draining friends how and where is the space for the new? Create some space and see what comes forward.

xoxoxo

[adviceformefromme]

'The enemy will respond to you in a voice that you believe is your own.'

I heard that quote yesterday, and when I was thinking of not going for a run today [even though I promised myself], I remembered this. The voice telling me I don't need to run, and 'go another time' is not my voice. It's the voice that wants to keep you small, wants you not doing exercise, wants you lazy and amounting to nothing. Disassociating myself from this voice shifted something. I am no longer a slave to the enemies voice and whats more, I can separate myself from it.

[adviceformefromme]

Hiii,

I would love to have your insight on my issue or crisis.

I'm now living alone. I moved out (I used to live with a family friend, but she has an awful character, and I always get sick there due to being stressed out/overworked, I worked for her because she owns a business, and she isn't paying me enough, she pays me a quarter and even less from everyone else), and I was supposed to have a job, I applied, get hired and all that but it didn't turned out well. So, now I'm unemployed, and I'm looking for a job again. But it's been over a month, and my anxiety is skyrocketing. I'm so worried over the next few weeks because I might run out of money, and I have pills to pay, food, and everything else. I am budgeting what's left to fit all my expenses. I am so worried. I don't have anyone I can confide to, ask for help, or anything. I feel so alone and miserable. I really don't know what to do anymore.

I'm still currently applying for a job, hopefully I'd get hired as soon as possible. But as of the moment, this situation is really taking a toll on my well-being. I can't sleep, and I'm constantly worrying about what might happen to me tomorrow, the next few days and weeks. I'm so stressed out. I really don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you for reading this. Would love to have your advice on this one. Love lots, and take care always xx.

Hey sweetie, omg I FEEL you! I have been there. I was thrown out and had no were to go when I was 19 and I was literally desperate. I had no money, no job and also when I was 21 same thing. As difficult as this situation is, you have to believe it's literally the moments before your break through, and this is where your task is to trust and lean into faith. I know you have a vision, of where you want to be, i know you are trying your very best to get there, or even just get on the path there so keep focusing on what you want, nothing less. Pour all your energy into where you want to be. Not who screwed you over, not how difficult life is. IGNORE THE 3D. Focus all your mental energy on where you want to be. This is going to require you to be pro-active in thinking positively. Things you can do right now to help yourself. 1] Grab a pen and paper or the notes in your phone. Write down exactly what you want. The vision. Let go of what you don't want otherwise you're dragging more of that into your future. Write about the dream job, where it is, what you wear to work, what time you wake up, what your new boss is like, get into DELULU. Make shit up. Be creative. As long as you write in present tense. I AM. Keep doing this. Time yourself for 5 mins writing (longer if you can). You also want to imagine the phone call receiving the good news. Just keep pretending 'OMG THEY OFFERED ME THE FUCKING JOB AGHHHHHH' literally go there, this is your oscar moment. Let the tears stroll down because you are so happy, the struggle is finally over. Pretend you're on the phone to your imaginary boyfriend telling him the best news about your new job. Imagine getting the keys to your dream apartment. As crazy as this all sounds the most important thing you do is FEEL into where you want to be, and do this as often as you can throughout the day. Become obsessed with your vision. Put hourly timers on your phone, the main goal is to move you out of the darkness you are in right now. 2] Listen to positive music. Let go of the depressing shit, listen to beautiful songs that make you feel hopeful, energised. Binural beats, pop music that uplifts you, harp playlists on youtube, whatever lifts your spirits, use sound to assist you. 3] Go for a run! Running is free. Is allows you to free your mind, shift your energy and realise some of the weight of the world. 4] Stop talking about what you don't want. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES speak from this moment on, about what you do not want. Don't speak on it. Words are spells, make sure you are only speaking on GOOD NEWS. If anyone asks you about your job search, tell them its going well and you're feeling like something good is about to happen. Pause mid sentence if you find yourself speaking negatively. 5] GET PREPARED. Mentally, physically. I'm not sure what country you are in but there are charities like 'Dress for Success' (globally) that help women with free work clothes, my friend used to volunteer there and they have incredible designer clothes they donate to women for work purposes. See what support is available to you and lean into it. 6] PRAY. Speak words to the unseen, ask for a sign, guidance, a job today, some money to come from somewhere, whatever feels natural for you. Lean on prayer for support. There is a GOD available to you, ready to help. Speak to him, ask him for help, don't be shy, if you're mad, if you're upset let him know. He is there for you, and will help and change your life. He has changed my life so much and I trust he can and will do the same for you. When you feel like you have no-one, I promise you, if you lean on God he will change your life like you could never imagine. I hope these points help sweetie. Sending all the love xoxoxox

[adviceformefromme]

Your dream life is waiting for you in your daily actions. Will you choose you today? Will you put you first today? Or put your dreams on hold for the cleaning that needs to be done, the phone calls you need to make, your dog that needs walking, the screen time you are addicted to? Will you put your dreams first or second? Will you protect your mental energy from pollution, from the news, from fantasising about mans that’s not your mans? Or will you be so self centred, focused, devoted to your your vision? 

Get your mind right and everything is available for you. Choose you, again and again, and the possibilities of your potential are endless. 

[adviceformefromme]

Hi hon, I've always loved your blog and advice—and I'd love to have your guidance and thoughts on my issue.

I carry a lot of guilt and shame over making a terrible mistake 5 years ago, which led to the fall of my longest childhood friendship (16yrs at that point). I thought I was able to accept it, but I still have dreams about my friend that reopens the grief I have for our friendship. Today's dream was probably the worst; it featured them being willing to mend our relationship, us interacting like normal, planning to get matching piercings together, and it felt so real, I was so happy.

I came across their social media acc while taking off followers from a personal art account I hope to invest in this year. I was rly tempted to check on their ig reels and YouTube, but knew I shouldn't and decided not to in the end. If me no longer being in their life makes them able to live their happiest and most fulfilling life, I want that for them, I want to be happy for them. Even if it does hurt/make me sad. It wasn't a perfect friendship, but they were my best friend. I want to heal from this as much as possible, since healing completely is prob unrealistic.

I have a group of close friends, ppl who are much more communicative w me, but we all live far from each other so we only interact digitally. I've moved so many times in my life, that digitally is also the best way for me to keep in touch w any irl old friends—it's hard to keep irl friendships strong when you don't see them in person as much as you could in the past.

Tbh I'm kind of a loser. I'm jobless w/ no degree & don't have a driver's license. I know my lack of motivation to get my life together contributes to the lack of opportunities in seeing my friends in person. I am so comfortable in my home environment, even if emotionally/mentally abusive and fear change even if I know it's good for me. I have dreams and yet I'm scared to make steps towards them. That's a whole other thing tho.

I don't know what I need to move past this mourning. I want to stop carrying this sadness with me. I feel it bear such a heavy weight in my chest. I'm at fault and to blame and i feel terrible for being a bad person/friend to that person, even if I know I'm a better/good friend to the ppl currently in my life. Please help me.

Hey sweetie, I sense so much sadness in your message from how you describe your life, to your loss with your friend. I would recommend journalling or releasing your emotions through some form of expression. It needs to be expressed. Write, cry, paint do what ever you need to do to release these emotions because it seems they are completely weighing you down and hacking away at your self esteem. Writing your friend a letter did come to mind if you really want to let them know how you feel and if it would shift some of the pain you've been feeling. I can't recommend forgiveness healing enough! I've wrote about the process here. The journey to loving yourself and being kind to yourself is a process, especially if you are going from a place of feeling low confidence and self belief. But please don't give up on your hopes and dreams. They are within you for a reason. You are not a bad person, you are human and we all do things we wish we didn't, all we can do is show up better. Do our best each day. Listen to those positive affirmations instead of the music that brings you down. Choose the foods that give you energy, instead of foods that give you the food comma so you actually feel motivated to do your best. Read a book that inspires you, watch a documentary about struggle to success. Go help someone. Do a random act of kindness. Plan your tomorrow. Choose to wear something that makes you feel special. Brush your teeth before bed. Light an incense stick. There are so many little things you can do each day to add some light and love into your existence. Lean into the goodness and I promise the heavy weights of the world will start to shift. You'll start to feel a little lighter day by day. But it will be worth it. The light is within you, keep tending to your fire.

xoxox

[adviceformefromme]

'2] Anxiety when dating became a signal that I had inner work to do. Not that I should just ignore it, or have a shot of tequila to settle the nerves. I used to date men I believed where out of my league, because my confidence was in the gutter. My anxiety led me to building my confidence'

hi, how did you navigate this? sorry to trauma dump lol but i really do want to work on this, but my parents got divorced when I was a child bc my dad got involved with another woman so that's given me intense fear and anxiety in my own relationships-- so much so that my man could simply just talk to another woman and have an innocent conversation or laugh with her and I'll feel extremely threatened and anxious and will go into complete fight or flight mode. i've even given myself anxiety attacks sometimes when i've been overthinking his friendships with women. it really sucks and I have no idea how to get rid of it. so i just would like to know how you did this inner work on anxiety in relationships please as I really do want to work on this and become more securely attached

Hey sweetie! I actually went through a similar thing with my parents when I was 15, it didn't leave me fearing I would be cheated on, however my dads absent presence from being in my life but not fully involved left me feeling like I was never enough. I'll condense down my healing, and hopefully it can help you fast track what you are dealing with now so you can move on with your life without this painful anchor. 1] Therapy. I literally could not see, or make sense of my destructive habits and patterns until I did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. This is not a therapy that goes on for years, it's usually around 8-12 weeks and really helps target your anxious behaviours especially in relationships. 2] I did an Akashic record healing, which revealed to me the traumas I had carried from past lives and I worked with the Akashic healer to remove the traumas. Hands down this completely changed my life. This trauma you have could be felt much deeply because it could be something from a past life. I don't know if you believe in that stuff, but if you do it's definitely worth investigating. 3] I learnt to understand my needs. What do I need? Is this a man who can meet my needs? Are you choosing men that reassure you, or are you choosing men that reinforce your insecurities? Have you identified what you need in a relationship, from a man? If not, this is something to spend some time figuring out. 4] I let go of the struggle story. The story of not feeling enough, not trusting, not feeling wanted. This meant, I stopped gossiping with friends about by dating life which helped so much because speaking about said guy constantly was draining, especially when things would inevitably go south. The more you speak on your struggle, the more you are speaking your struggle into your future. As soon as I stopped gossiping about my failing dating life, some shifts started to happen. I spoke to my therapist, or one trusted friend. But other than that, I learnt that speaking on the bad news is not how I thrive in this life. 5] I deepened my relationship with God. This removed 99.9% of the men I was entertaining. I chose to see God as my father, and my dad as my earthly father, someone who is human, makes mistakes and it really softened my hurt and pain towards my dad. Also my relationship with God, helped me filter out the men I was entertaining. Was I choosing men that appeared good on paper, or men who shared the same values as me? And with that answer, there was a shift. 6] I worked on forgiveness. This was HUGE. I wrote a list of every single person who hurt me, i would recommend starting with your dad, and anyone else at the top of the list and write down what happened, what you felt and visualise forgiving yourself and forgiving those involved. This is a very healing process, it wasn't a quick thing. But if you can focus on forgiveness in your healing you'll be clearing out the roots of this issue completely. I hope these points resonated xoxox

[adviceformefromme]

Hi! Really enjoy your blog, sometimes your motivational posts is the first thing I see on my dash in the morning when I do a quick scroll. Helps me start the day with the right mindset :)

Now I want to ask for a piece of your advice. On multiple occasions in my life I had men I was with tell me things like: I have such good time with you, let me know if I can do something for you, what do you want, how can I help you etc. In those situations I knew that those were not the kind of men I could ask to pay my rent or take me to Paris, you know? I knew they didn't have the resources. So I would always be very grateful and try to think of something nice I could ask for, in moderation. But I realize that I always had that panicy period of "what do I even ask for? how do I answer these questions in a way that's classy but also take what they want to give me?"

So my question is, what would you do/say? How do I prepare myself for this kind of situations?

Thank you :)

Hey sweetie, thank you for the kind comments!

Regarding the provider men, I would say you can always test his generosity with asking for something small at first then building up. Casually dropping in things you love, asking his opinion on a new pair of shoes, handbag, spa days etc.

Personally, I have totally moved away from this as I am currently on a dating break. I also found that seeking men to spoil me actually attracted the worst of the worst. Maybe one day i will share my Dubai experience. BUT what i will say, is before i knew of hypergamy and following SheraSeven I naturally attracted providers. My energy spoke before I did. I didn't need to tell a man to take me to the spa, because he already booked it for us for the day, I didn't need to tell him I loved shopping because he knew this about me and took me shopping. My intentions were pure. I always knew I loved to be spoiled but I never went out seeking. Some women are more tactical, and some women naturally embody being spoiled energy. So my advice is let your energy speak, be natural, ask for what you feel confident and learn to trust yourself and what you are worthy of receiving. There is no shame in wanting to be spoilt by a man, i remember telling my first boyfriend at uni how badly i wanted a Gucci handbag for my birthday, it was literally all i wanted and he took out a credit card to buy it for me. I didn't beg him ,but he wanted to make me happy. So, with that my final point being, if a man wants to spoil you there is no stopping him. If he's broke, he'll take out credit. If he's rich, £800 Jimmy Choo's will be pocket change to him. A man who wants to provide is that way inclined regardless of how much money he has, so always good to observe his generosity in the early stages. I hope this helps xoxx

[adviceformefromme]

From hating yourself to loving yourself in five simple steps....

1] You are going to set the fucking INTENTION to love yourself. You are claiming this. You are declaring this. Scream it out loud. In whatever words make sense to you. There is so much power in intention, its like the universe starts scrambling like crazy to make the intention possible. Books will fall off shelves, YouTube videos will drop into your homepage. A friend will start talking about an article she read on self-love. The universe will follow your energy. 

2] You are going to get fucking INSPIRED. You are going to use your resources to support you on your new found self-love journey. You are going to edit your feed, delete anyone who does not give the energy of loving yourself or inspiring you, hell even delete social media if you can! You are going to read books, listen to podcasts, listen to self-love music, subliminals on self-love and devotion, you are going to drown yourself in the energy of self-love and self-care. Book days off work, call in sick. Journal and meditate. Do a hot girl walk in nature. Create the space to allow the message of self-love to seam deep into your soul.

3] You are going to start speaking to yourself like a fucking QUEEN. No more slagging yourself off as you wash your hands and catch your reflection. No more of that putting yourself down BS. You are going to make the effort to point out something you love about yourself each time you look in the mirror. The shape of your ears, your eyes, your lips, whatever it is that you accept and like currently. Make an effort to tell yourself that at every given moment. Those compliments will start compounding day by day, and speaking kindly to yourself will become more easy.

4] Start seeing all the fucking beauty AROUND you. The flowers blooming, the shape of the trees as you walk, the woman you just smiled at, the sunset, just stop and look and observe the beauty everywhere. The more you start to focus on the beauty and loving what you see externally, it will start to make waves internally. 

5] FINALLY stop comparing yourself to others. Remember you are a MAIN CHARACTER in your movie. Every single person in your life right now, even me, is a supporting character in your movie. Know that is the power you possess. So go out there today, and remember who you are. Remember there is so much more to you than how you look, remember that loving yourself and accepting yourself sets the tone for every relationship in your life, and despite all the shit from your past you are now in control of how you speak to yourself, how you choose to think of yourself. The choice is yours. 

Resources:  Podcasts: Women’s Impact: https://www.youtube.com/@LisaBilyeu/videos Jerry Flowers: https://www.youtube.com/@officialjerryflowersjr  Sarah Blondin: https://www.youtube.com/@mzblondin On purpose: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nxlc2UcVeY  Music:  Chanters Sheba: https://www.youtube.com/@ChantressSeba Mei Lan: https://www.youtube.com/@Mei-lan

[adviceformefromme]

My recent journey with self love… 

Context: last summer I probably felt my most radiant yet, I was glowing, my life was thriving. But all that changed when i had a health scare and had to have an emergency surgery. I had to remove my nail extensions for the surgery, I deleted social media (and haven't returned since). I decided to embark on a natural journey. So goodbye gorgeous long hair extensions, and thank you for completely thinning out my own hair, good bye nail extensions, (I no longer wanted chemicals on my nails). And hello, and welcome natural, authentic version on myself.

I’ve spent months looking in the mirror, feeling average. It felt so disheartening to notice my flaws every time I caught my reflection. Everything about my image felt inadequate. The lines in my forehead, the scarring from old acne. But who was judging me? 

I had truly become my own worst critic, and after two months of deep reflections and shifting my energy I can finally say I have got to a place where I love what I see….  What did I do?

1) I set the intention. I knew I had to heal this inner self-depreciating, harmful voice and tune it into love. I did the mirror affirmations (they didn’t really work because I didn’t feel beautiful reading them), but what they did is remind me constantly of the work I needed to do, on shifting my inner voice. I journaled on this topic, I cried. I remembered a situation as a child where i felt less than average and processed the emotions. I listened to subliminals briefly on youtube. Podcasts on self acceptance. I went hard on clearing this lack of self acceptance.

2) I spoke to my mindset coach about my insecurities as it started to impact how I was feeling everyday, as if I was second class, less than average. He guided me back to God, and reminding me that my validation does not come from the outer world. His delivery of words, shifted my mind completely. I accepted where I am in this current chapter and let go of this idea that I need to be perfectly groomed and presentable to be accepted by the world. God loves me just as I am. Period He also reminded me that I was feeling the discomfort so strongly because it doesn’t resonate who I am. It’s not my truth. It needed to be cleared.

3) I took action. I went for a deep cleansing facial to help with my skin texture, got my brows did, also went for botox. I watched youtube videos of natural hair transformation and started speaking life into hair, and making homemade hair masks.

While point 3 might seem like a short-cut in some regards, because botox resolved one of my main insecurities when I looked in the mirror. There is no shame in making changes that make you feel good. The pain comes when you don’t accept or change what's bothering you. Your self love journey is completely unique to you. So if you need to spend money, invest, and make changes, go ahead. Investing in yourself is the very best investment you can make. Because how you feel each and everyday ultimately shapes the energy you carry with you moment by moment.