akash1618

[akash1618]

15 jul. tuesday

woke up and felt i couldn't even walk. sleepy head. felt as if my eyelids would shut close any moment. sm sleep in eyes.

day was the same. lot of work, and a lot of cluelessness as well. well, got scolded yesterday so ofc need to incorporate feedback. still cannot get over last evening's meeting. i was trying very hard to not laugh in the meeting while being scolded. when i came out of the cabin, i burst into laughter.

lunch. i didn't see miss today. saw her friend, but not madam. my bad. i sat with my back to her, and i eat so slow, before i was done, she might've left. how do ik she was present? asked a coworker ofc. take care madam.

evening. design review. well, as serious boss was yesterday, he didn't even pay attention towards the designs today. made me laugh even more.

i just go at the vending machine and eat random things these days. must've covered almost all the items now.

busy day. that's that.

i wasn't feeling well for the whole day. tired maybe. i am not lazy, but i don't even belong to the hustle culture. glad (a bit) that the hustle culture isn't much at my company. i don't want to be staying up at 2am on a sunday night.

this work doesn't get me any obsessed towards it. not the slightest. i just do it as a routine. the last i felt obsessed was on a school project (so long). it was a diwali vacation project; about a report on cyclones, and i mistook it for a report on natural disasters. i would circle around the newspaper stalls to find the archives of the recent cyclone events, scan the net for hours gathering material, and pen them down on paper. sm energy. messed up though, but despite that, iirc the quality was good that it was ranked third. umm, no. i don't think there were any ranks at that time. the rank was just given by a teacher, and no certificates were issued. yes, but i did win the third place the previous year for documenting the indian culture ( tbh i don't remember if i won; were the certificates issued? oh, but do they matter now?).

idk what is this "relatable girly" stuff doing on my feed -

communication would be easy for him if you're the girl he actually wanted

umm, no. how do i even explain - me? talking to people just doesn't come naturally to me. how does me being unable to speak equate to me not caring? do girls really think everything is just black and white? no right? heavens know how much i long to speak to miss. i want to reach out to her. i am uncertain about how. but yes, there has been an improvement - i've been able to have a shadow conversation with her in my head. ofc not a substitute for the real world her and the unpredictable things she may speak back in return. so yes, break out of the delusion.

[akash1618]

14 jul. monday

second monday of shravan for north indians. hasn't started yet for marathi culture. well. both cultures move very differently.

woke up and felt very tiring. the sleep on my eyes where i wouldn't have woken up till 12 if undisturbed. feels tired.

the raaz song i was thinking about yesterday is actually sung by abhijeet and not udit narayan. it's "main agar saamne." oh. so there's only one song i can recall by udit. pehla nasha ftw.

saw miss at lunch. while leaving. eyes met. two long days the last i saw her.

stupid day. was asked to keep the email transactional and avoid details about the brand to not sound market-y. got scolded for doing that. "the email doesn't sound like it provides any value." funny when i was explicitly instructed to keep the email like google sheets or docs access sharing email. doesn't feel nice to be scolded when i've done work as instructed.

serious work then.

evening. again scolded, but a light one this time. i seriously don't know how to write ux copies. i try. but copies are subjective, and my does feel bad when corrected.

it was chaos in office, because the sde intern that joined in last week was leaving.

also the seats we got on the left on friday will proly be forfeited. so no seat change. thankful. it didn't make a difference to me as i was just shifting to the corner, but the nuance of shifting and adjusting to a new desk.

thought about clearing my drafts. i haven't edited and posted them since wednesday.

listening to mee maj harpun basale ga. actively tried to listen and understand the lyrics. but my marathi vocab is even badder. couldn't. cannot blame because even being mother tongue, i never studied it beyond school. so below -

मी मज हरपुन बसले गं सखी मी मज हरपुन बसलेगं आज पहाटे श्री रंगाने मजला पुरते लुटले गं साखरझोपे मधेच अलगद प्राजक्ता सम टिपले गं त्या श्वासां नी दीपकळी गत पळभर मी थरथरले गं त्या स्पर्शाच्या हिंदोळयावर लाजत,उमलत झुलले गं त्या नभशामल मिठीत नकळत बिजली सम लखलखले गं दिसला मग तो देवकीनंदन अनमी डोळे मिटलेगं

translation (gpt)

i have lost myself completely truly, i have sunk into something beyond me at dawn today, the beautiful dark one took everything from me while i was still in sweet sleep, he gently picked me like a soft parijat flower his breath brushed past me and for a moment i trembled like a flickering lamp on the swing of his touch i swayed shyly and slowly opened like a flower in the embrace of the sky-colored one i unknowingly flashed like lightning i saw him, the son of devaki and then i closed my eyes

oh. hadn't realised that the whole song was a devotion to krishna. i used to think that it's a love song, and the singer was comparing her lover to krishna.

references to krishna - shrirang, nabhshaamal, devakinandan.

isn't miss the colour of krishna? she's so dusky and pretty.

[akash1618]

13 jul. sunday

had a haircut. the barber's shop was playing udit narayan's songs. just realised, i cannot quite name any of the udit narayan songs except pehla nasha and the one from raaz that goes apne shaadi ke din ab nahi door hai. ofc i recognise his voice, but it just sounds so generic to 1990s. yes, bolly has a trend of just raising a superstar singer and making him sing for a decade. say narayan in 90s, sonu nigam in 2000s, arijit in 2010s. a singer used sm that a decade sounds synonymous to a singer.

i hate listening to bolly these days because it all sounds the same, because the singer is just the same - arijit. thus, an atif aslam drop feels refreshing once in a while.

finished watching half of bttf 3. they redid the marty getting awkward around his mother scene, even in 1885. now i wait for them to redo the manure and the hoverboard scenes. love as fate, oh. no fate, no love?

evening. reached andheri station. homie was coming from auto, and when he was at nagardas road, i asked him to just come ahead with the same auto. we took off to fun republic in the same. more convenient than taking a metro and walking again.

walked in the auditorium, realised we didn't have 3d glasses, so went back at the desk. got ours.

film - bad. too much plot armour. unnecessary characters. but i loved henry loomis. i would've been exactly like him, preaching about capitalism and ecosystem while being caught between dinosaurs (would i?). but his views really match a lot of mine.

everyone in the auditorium started laughing when they showed dinosaurs mating. funny because unexpected.

me explaining bro about the lateral vision of deers and how even the dinosaus shouldn't be able to see what's exactly in front of them because direct front and back are their blind spots. i am actually glad i read about it last week.

while leaving the hall, bro pointed to a bunch of kids and taunted - "see, even kids are coming on movie dates. when would you?" yea man, lemme check with miss. on thought, does miss love watching films? what kind of films?

we walked in search of a restaurant then. went to guru's the ultimate veg. bro was suggesting the sarvodaya at nagardas road, but it was too far.

i didn't speak about miss to him today. rather i didn't want to because i felt that i bore him to death everytime i speak about her. i adore her sm. what can i do? but... he asked me about her. well bro, get ready for your ears to get warm.

he told me about his last date. i asked him about how did he approach the girl and how did he talk. he goes - i didn't. well, so, he posted a picture, a girl who is his friend's mutual liked bro. the girl asked the mutual friend if she could set them up. they both went on a date. wholesome! homie told that they both are in a talking stage yet. and explained stages - too complex and nuanced for me to understand.

i told bro about how miss's office has shifted. bro told that everytime he meets me, i am stuck at the same part of the story. i mean yea true. another day of listening from bro how i miss hints. i did try to tell him that it won't be fair to her if i just walk up to her when she is with her friends, but bro goes that's how girls like it. really? "if you keep waiting for it to happen, it will never happen." again too high coming from him because girls walk up to him, and he never walks up towards girls.

food was good. very good actually. tbt to friday's food that didn't feel nice. but i was wanting to try benne dosa today. he told me we should visit benne dosa or the banana leaf. "yea sure, they right in juhu" i said. but bro wants to visit the original stores in bandra and matunga. umm, ok. but they must taste the same right? but bro is fascinated by that part of mumbai. well, matunga is where miss lives ig. well miss, east or west?

dessert was good. we got the classic banana split sundae.

took an auto back to home. dropped bro at pump house.

[akash1618]

12 jul. saturday

wfh.

completed the ep 12 p2 of aahat 4 at lunch.

then just work.

yashoda was sitting near me, so i placed my head on her lap. there's a certain warmth that i can never name. i fell asleep, so slept. dupahar ki neend supremacy.

homie texted in the evening asking if i am free tomorrow evening. yes. he wants to watch a film. any. he actually came up with jurassic world rebirth. i searched for a few options.

i told him that jurassic's a soft reboot, but still connected to the jurassic world series, and if he hasn't watched the previous three, he might miss some context. he was okay with it. besides, it's a soft reboot.

we skipped watching f1 or superman. interested in neither.

i booked tickets for jurassic world in english 3d. i don't like 3d. 2d is far better, but couldn't find any available slots for imax 3d or 4d, or just anything except english 3d. cinepolis fun republic then. booking a seat in cinemas is one of favourite activities.

[akash1618]

11 jul. friday

just work today.

saw miss at lunch. i had been late because of the meeting. also hadn't bought tiffin. was going to the counter, and saw miss. got paneer and rice. went to sit, but couldn't find a way to the desk where coworkers were sitting. so had to turn around and pass from beside miss.

i don't remember things then. i washed my hands and returned to have lunch. i was just quiet and i don't remember what i was thinking then.

another meeting post-lunch, so went in to check the coworker, but my bottle was empty, so took it along to fill. saw miss sitting on the couch again. i returned from the cabin, but miss had went.

chaos. absolute. because we were choosing desks to my left. i ofc insisted and fought like a kid because i wanted the corner that didn't face the window. well, success.

evening. we would be going out to have team dinner. i don't like them. we took an uber to "the capital." restaurant - "blah!" i decided to act up. food was fine. and i was smiling and laughing continuously. talking even. cannot always keep crouching at dinners.

i don't like these dinners. the food is always fancy. even if i eat, the stomach feels full, but the heart never. sometimes even the stomach never feels full. it's just cheese. every item is simply loaded with some sort of cheese. the creativity of the western food ends on cheese. "eh? not tasting good? let's add some cheese. voila!" and i don't like italian food the most. it's very plain for my taste. no spices. pastas are bland. so team dinners are me essentially keeping up a happy face - among people who are happily talking to each other, me trying to adjust in the loud music, eating food i don't like, all while simply being uncomfortable.

dessert was nice. and yes, the croissant i ordered as a starter (really?) was good.

they were talking about how the new hub has a blinkit dark store underneath and how it isn't good. i ofc supported not moving there. how could i? got to do everything.

apparently the restaurant is best for brunch. and as per everyone, the place is not a repeat. oh. idk. the food was way better than pop tates or pleo or cincin. they have the worst vegetarian food. "this building has offices above and yet you don't see an office crowd here. that says a lot. the place seems only to have college going kids." oh? i really don't like places where the music is played so loud that i have to almost pull the other person's ear to even be heard.

we left. the new intern couldn't find an auto, so i waited for him to get one before getting mine. so now it was only us two remaining to get into transit. i asked one for nafa, and he told the fare would be 100. 100's not too much tbf, but i asked him if he'd go by meter, and he refused. calculating, it just makes some 65 for 2.5 km. we kept walking to get an auto then, but couldn't find one. so we decided to walk. we walked then.

i bored him with my nerdy talk. idk. he just kept asking, and then i asked if he'd like to know. i did try to not speak much unless asked.

luckily, just got a 312 the moment i reached outside office.

this emptiness hits when i am alone. in the day, i can keep up a face, but when i am by myself it hits.

nelco. could've gotten an auto again, but i wanted to walk. it wasn't raining, and the wind felt calm. a truck driver called me and asked if i knew the way to mumbai-nashik highway. then showed me the map. he was passing right from near my home, so i could've asked for a lift, but i wanted to walk. walked home. reached at 12.

[akash1618]

10 jul. thursday

i started watching amelie last night. idk what's that about. iirc it's drama and romance, but the smile of the mc on the poster made me watch it. not my genres. it's french, and subtitles were off by at least 5 seconds. i couldn't sync them. might have to download the film now, and sync the subs.

i have tried watching it before when i was in college , but couldn't because...? i don't remember why i gave up. i hadn't even watched 10 minutes of it. it's just in my list of cult movies, so i would be giving it another go. ig the film is about finding love. idk. surprise me.

tbf, morning isn't any good. the feeling of dread looms. and ik well it won't leave me, not today, not ever. i don't want every encounter with miss to feel like a countdown to doom. every moment slipping out to reach nothingness. i decided to act up though. let's see.

it's mother's birthday today. i remember. well. but i acted as if i didn't in the morning.

saw miss at lunch. saw her a lot later. i was sitting with my back at her actually.

there was a waffle counter set up today. i faked being excited to have it, and asked sunny if he would like to have waffle as well. he has a sweet tooth for almost everything. everyone was done with lunch so they left one by one. i was done at last. slightly tuned around while placing my chair, and saw miss. she looked beautiful!

i went to the waffle counter. asked for a waffle. wasn't actually feeling like having it. but i did order, because it was me who had asked and convinced others somehow. saw miss walk to get water. i was lowkey hoping she would come to have a waffle, but she didn't. sure.

just saying (more than just saying), what she wore today is just my favourite dress of hers. this one was just not a part of her dress up reel, so. or else, i'd have picked this one for sure. now, is this her prettiest kurti? even better than her grey and white kurti? i can never answer that to save my life 😳

i mean, how can i stop myself from calling her a sunflower every time she wears that dress? simple, i don't. she's a sunflower 🌻💙

sm work today. aai called me to check if i had left. i hadn't. i knew well why she had called. she wanted me home early at least today. i left then, but very late.

would be my first time not buying her a cake. too late to reach home. i went to the store and bought two chocolates. sneaked them in the refrigerator. gave them to her and she asked me if i remembered even - that will always be a ridiculous question to me. ofc she figured out when i brought those chocolates.

apparently, sneha tai had been at home in the evening and had brought a cake. ma cut cake then itself. great!

i didnt even wish her a birthday. couldn't bring myself to. just gave her a chocolate and smiled at her. she smiled back.

sat down to watch kimi ni todoke today. must resume and finish. watched ep 18 today. and some of ep 19 too. the random proposal. reminds me of my school ofc. yea, back then, you could just walk up to anyone and confess to them. it'd work, or not. but really no other care. that's how i got my first rejection even 🤦

just wondering, what would miss think if she comes to know of aai's name? would she be surprised? idk. ig it'd depend upon how she feels about me.

i dont want to climb the corporate ladder. i just want to lie on the sand, hear the waves crash against the shore, let the sun kiss my skin while time forgets me and drink feni to forget the corporate jatgins and excel formulas i remember.

apt. just that i don't want feni. just need a good coffee or a lemonade.

lior is spreading laterally. i wonder why.

[akash1618]

9 jul. wednesday

what can i even say? i wrote a big wall of text, but it just seems like a cry, so deleted it and rewrote it again.

---

was an average start to the day. morning, overheard saathiya theme in the bus. even finished my tiffin today. had even got a vegetable from the canteen. even had a paneer frankie in the evening. had a lassi even. even interacted with miss's tattoo coworker, not once, but thrice in the day. even read about butterfly's metamorphosis in the morning. busy with work. all in all, just me not having a dull day from the outside. i wasn't even feeling empty from within. just there, in peace.

even saw miss at lunch. didn't even choose a seat. just sat on the one i got because i was very late for lunch. i thought miss wouldn't come today, but then i saw her arrive. the seat where i sat upon was just the perfect one to see her without even moving. miss in all her colours. coworkers were continuously joking around whenever i would turn my head to look at her.

the evening ruined it. the news moved me. we are supposed to move our seating. just right next to my left where there are empty seats since we needed more space now. it was normal to me since the discussion's been ongoing for two weeks. this wasn't the bad news.

i then heard from the senior coworker that we would be switching our working location soon. "just the seats right?" "no. our whole working location." "oh." i couldn't care less about the new location, because anything not the hub or the palladium is a heartbreak in every way. because in every possibility, i would be moving away from miss and won't see her ever again. never crossing paths with her ever again.

i asked him then about how much time's left until we shift, and he didn't seem to know. said one to four months. the time's spell. a reminder of how long i have been a coward, and how much more longer i am allowed to be.

the rhythm of my heart had changed after hearing this. before i knew, i felt a weight in my chest. and before i could even sit with it to process things, we were called in for a sudden meeting. whole meeting was just me being quite. i simply couldn't. and then my throat felt a weight and heart felt even emptier.

this dread. like a goodbye to all encounters, chance encounters, glances, stolen glances, missed presence in the corners, missed absence, all ending without a single dialogue spoken mutually?

well, what next? what do i do about miss now? am i being moved out again because my presence would make her life miserable?

and for the faintest of the hope in me that would say that it isn't anything like this, and me wishing doesn't take people away from me; what should i do next? how should i actually talk to her now?

i really regret now not talking to her back at the vending machine. homie took a promise from me in a way in that form of bet. the next time smth like the vending machine incident repeats, i must say a hi. he would be super mad at me if i tell him we are moving out. but then, was she really not busy at machine? even if bro and me have different ways of thinking, one thing we both agree upon is that fate only helps as much. if i keep crying for love, and do nothing, then nothing will ever happen, and neither should i blame anyone.

miss and my timelines brushing each other, but never braiding.

[akash1618]

8 jul. tuesday

boring day.

completed bttf 2 last night. reviews did mention that it was not supposed to be good, and it wasnt. not to the level of the first part. but also the third part is supposed to be great. the ending of the second part did show a preview of the third. west, cowboys, and guns.

i liked how they referenced the skateboard scene. and also marty getting awkward around his mother scene. and also the manure scene.

saw miss at lunch. we happened to wear the same colour. but miss and her kurtis ftw. miss ftw actually.

i was barely feeling any hungry at lunch. didn't finish my tiffin. did get a vegetable from the canteen, but it does nothing to my appetite. only ate half. not hungry in the evening even. stomach felt empty at around 6:30, but i also didn't feel like eating junk today. so avoided.

eyes started paining mildly at 6. vitamin b does work fairly well. eyes dont pain as much as they used to. but i don't expect it to do much when i would just be looking at the screen for the most of the day.

read about deer eyes today.

deers are dichromates. humans are trichromates. deers cannot see reds or oranges (say tigers). their dual colour palette is limited to greens and blues.

since deers are prey animals, they have evolved to have their eyeballs on the sides. this allows them to have a lateral vision that goes as far as to cover 300 degrees.

but since this lateral vision barely has any overlap, they find it difficult to assess the depth of the objects in their surroundings (lack of binocular vision). this lack of detailed depth awareness makes them unable to perceive the distance of the objects around them, including the predators.

to make for this lack of depth awareness, deers rely heavily on their peripheral vision, and motion detection. this is accompanied by hesitancy and change in their stance. perhaps why they stumble (eyes at me?) and often make small shifting steps before jumping; because they either end up jumping too much or too less - a critical mistake when being chased.

deers even have (some science here) special eyes that help them detect motions a lot better, allowing them to grasp movements and beware of the predators.

deers have horizontally slit pupils. this allows them to access their lateral vision to the fullest. say panoramic. also helps them stabilise the image of the horizon on their either sides while running.

horizontal slits allow more light to enter the eyes than the circular slits. this allows them to see better in low-lights (dusk or dawn) or nights.

but tigers are even better at camouflage. their striped skin allows them to blend in. this makes it harder for the deers to capture the colour and even the motion.

but physically, tigers are more capable than deers. so even if a deer could have been a trichromate, it's nearly impossible to escape because tigers are smarter and cunning.

so why did deers evolved to have their eyeballs on the side, but not become trichromates? unlike hairs or skin, eyes are complex organs. evolution of eyes takes a lot of time. and since evolution is also dependant on birth - a greater number of deers are being hunted down by the predators, than the ones that actually grow up and reproduce. but it's oversimplified. basic being - the current wide vision works well for deers, so there really seems no need for an eye mutation.

[akash1618]

7 jul. monday

well, a boring day.

a new intern has joined in.

saw miss at lunch. i offered to pay for the intern's lunch, but he declined. sure. well, the fan above us was spinning fast, so i went to turn it off. switch board 1? no. 2? no. so which board? the one closest to miss had the regulator i was looking for.

the seat i had gotten for lunch was proly changed by sunny. how do i see miss now? idk. couldnt much.

lunch discussion was about different types of foods. i was lost much though. all i remember is sunny cracking jokes, and me laughing.

lunch done. i came running down the stairs. was feeling bubbly in that moment actually. say weightless on the stairs. that urge to jump from 10 stairs. idk why. saw miss just right in front as i got in the door. oh. oh? she's beautiful (as always, and i mean it as always ofc). well, that's the day.

read about how elephants are essential to their ecosystems.

they disperse seeds. they eat a large chunk of vegetation everyday, and then travel long distances. otw, they lay out dung. this dung has undigested plant seeds, which are then buried into the soil.

their dung is nutritious to beetles. a feast. beetles thus bury this dung, providing fertiliser to the land.

these beetles also lay their larvae by digging, thus a breeding ground for them. other animals, feed on these insects. an ecosystem is set in motion, everything connected.

elephants feed on shrubs. thus do not allow plants to overgrow.

elephants travel long, thus crushing every plants or trees in way. this allows more sunlight to reach the ground, and allowing smaller plants to grow. this again promotes biodiversity by allowing smaller animals and plants to coexist with bigger ones.

elephants dig wells of water. this helps other animals. also helps in summers.

[akash1618]

6 jul. sunday

it's devshayani ekadashi. shree vishnu goes to sleep today. well, four months now until he wakes up again. gts god. have a nice sleep. and yea, please assign a caretaker for me while you sleep. yk how i keep stumbling right? i mean, you can assign an angel and i wont complain 👉👈 😘 i am the kind of stupid who'd make even her stumble :p

i had read an interesting theory once. chaturmas is considered an auspicious period in shaivism. since shree vishnu goes to slumber, the role of preserving the universe is distributed among other deities.

first is shiv taking on during shravan, then shree ganesh takes over in bhadrapada in the ganesh utsav (also, vishnu does come over here as krishna. haha so diligent. can't trust others or what?). then are pitru, then is maa shakti in navratri, and then sweet maa lakshmi in diwali. then shree vishnu wakes up on kartiki ekadashi to resume his duties.

no marriages or housewarmings are conducted in the chaturmas as it is considered an inauspicious phase since the god of auspiciousness is in his cosmic slumber. marriages only start once after tulsi vivah.

in contrast a very good phase even for new beginnings because rains are considered fertile. even seeds start germinating around ashadh and shravan.

also, since shiv takes over, asurs rejoice in a way, allowing everyone to cut slack? no.

ekadashi. i was supposed to get a haircut today, but i wasnt allowed to. also, couldnt trim my beard. so next when? ig next sunday.

umm, just started watching back to the future 2. it's very tempting to continue the next parts. i just loved the first part sm. and funny how they imagined the future 2015, in 1989. no wonder the film has gained a cult status. maybe i'd continue watching my list of cult films.

bttf 2 is so creative. a dehydrated pizza? here, have +2 cookie points.

action replayy's only saving grace now seems to be o bekhabar (ilysm). in bttf, the mc wasnt a macho, neither son nor father. but in action replayy, they had to amp up akshay, put him into fights, and make him sing songs. meh. couldn't complete part 2 today. will have to watch in parts over the week.

evening. since thursday i'd been pestering yashoda to teach me how to make modak. ik the basics now, but am not confident enough to do them by myself. it was decided today's evening. but she backed off, and got mad at me instead. eh? i mean i do understand that she gets tired, but is that a reason to get mad at her krishna? nah, i was mad at her for the next hour then. she tried to make up with me with her sweet face, and i didn't pay heed. but then, can i stay mad at her? no. i spoke to her, and here she was mad again. ha? what do you want woman?

she asks me to take a leave from my work day and she'd teach me then. well, time's ticking. just less than two months for me to learn. i wonder how i am going to learn to make them by ganesh chaturthi.

sat down for working on the portfolio. another idea dumped. spiderman one isnt coming out well. so, vanilla again 😭

also, screw work. didnt do it because i wanted to work on my portfolio. set the typography finally (finally)!

[akash1618]

5 jul. saturday

woke up late. zero care in the world. work? let's do it tomorrow i said.

aai made pav bhaji.

unsuccessful attempt at streaming other films, so here i am watching back to the future. i get now why this film enjoys such huge fan following. very well made. definitely a cult film. marty being uncomfy when his mom tries to hit on him is just so awkward.

action replayy is just a remake of this i see. and i see why they never showed aishwarya hitting on aditya; perhaps why they even had to introduce an extra neha dhupia in the film. easily a censored moment for bolly films.

well, there are two more sequels to this. should i even watch those? because sequels are usually bad, but these sequels are rated very high. but yes, this film has got one more fan now.

senior coworker created a new slack channel for agency flow. boss dropped a message - "let's become the number one d2c agency tool in this country." this will never be not funny to me because just yesterday we were negotiating for features. this is like his fifth or sixth vision of his for the company. haha, and then he'd go on to say in meetings "we've always had one vision." sure mate.

[akash1618]

4 jul. friday

nor happy nor sad today. just moved on auto pilot.

miss was absent today ig. i did see her friend at lunch, but not miss. absent maybe. take care miss. have a lovely weekend.

reminds - it's a week since miss wore her prettiest kurti. is it the prettiest? yes. better than her white? now, that's a question.

dinner in the evening cancelled for good because of the sick coworker. boss was looking forward, but everyone backed out because the sick coworker isn't here. or else, this would have been the second time by boss doing such a thing. does he not understand that this comes out as insensitive? whereas he keeps calling the sick coworker as his brother.

didn't listen to songs at work. busy with work, and played a bit with framer instead.

then looped chupke se from saathiya at night. it started playing in my head today, and i thought I knew the lyrics, but all i knew was the main "chupke se, chupke se..." done.

moon split exactly in half tonight. have i ever seen the moon when it rains? no. i wish to now. will it even be visible among the raindrops and the rain clouds? i wonder.

home. tuned on yt. should i get a subscription? i am tired of yt ads. resumed watching spy x family. the last episode was ig 20 which i watched, and that's over 2 years back. i asked aai if she remembers sxf. and she told apt. yo? great. i put on the dub first, and faceplamed, so switched quickly to sub.

might finish it this time. there's also a season 2 then. seeing a kid like anya is so fire. and when yor says to nightfall, "i wouldn't know what i'd have done if she wasn't as cheerful" is so full of love. even i wish to have a daughter like anya now. i wouldn't know either what i'd do if i had a child like me who would go and sit into the corners.

i love sxf.

[akash1618]

3 jul. thursday

why do i soak in the world's sadness? as if i am a sponge? always. always. all it takes is just a single moment to pull me down. why does my heart have to soak in all? it all started a lot back. it was in teenage when i first figured that i could soak in the room's atmosphere. never wanted to, but i could somehow read the room. not in the pragmatic sense, but soaking in the room's feelings. idk if the reading is perfect or not. it just plays by intuition.

came out troublesome. i gave up reading news because they are filled with sadness. why am i ball of sadness?

morning. miss's panvel coworker started talking to me without me trying. he told he always comes and leaves early. reporting time is 9:30 and talked about erp stuff on salesforce which i didn't understand.

a bit before lunch, the senior coworker came out and told us about her niece and how happy she was. congrats! you could look at happiness in her eyes. she ordered food for everyone. i couldn't eat my tiffin because of this.

we went late into canteen. saw miss even before i stepped into the canteen, from the glass. i froze. a coworker looked behind at me and smiled. that struck me even more. so i looked away from miss. two steps ahead and i realised that he smiled because he saw the waffle counter set up, and not because of miss. oh. this incident just made me smile sm. fool.

i returned from the washroom and saw her. did our eyes meet? ig it was a yes because i looked away almost instantly. i mean it's difficult to ascertain if our eyes meet even if she looks straight. her pupils don't move. like, i cannot even figure if she's looking straight or not. didn't i say that she has a beautiful pair of eyes? back here - i looked down, and wanted to look back up again but i was called by someone standing right beside me. that startled me because i was already lost in thoughts, so i just turned around quickly to face the voice. it was the janitor uncle. my head had already made the decision to face her, so my body tried to support it and i somewhat lost my balance from one side. next thing i remember is madam walking up straight to keep her plate in the tray, and going to the basin to wash her hands. she looks tall in her heels. how tall are her heels? isn't she scared that she'd trip? yo, tc miss. afaik heels are tricky.

lunch. they had pasta and pizza here. i avoided pasta at all. just had some pizza. wasn't feeling hungry. guys then went to have waffle. i couldn't because i wasn't feeling hungry at all. senior coworker thought that i wasn't having it because she was paying for it. no. she thinks i refuse anything she offers. just not hungry. why would i refuse a waffle? did miss have a waffle? idk.

evening. meeting. i was well prepared, or so i thought. boss just doesn't even listen to points carefully even for once and keeps on speaking, and when stuck again at an open point, i would ask him to just refer to the flow i was proposing for the project. he never even went through the flow once. and as expected, finally stuck on the open point i already knew where things would halt. what feels sad is he isn't willing to listen at times (every time), sometimes even going tangents while talking, but absolutely hating it if someone else hits a tangent even for a while. the meeting felt so frustrating, i randomly whispered out "sunte hi nahi hai." turned out that it was a loud whisper. phish. but luckily, boss was still busy speaking so he didn't hear me.

these meetings feel like a stupid debate instead of a group discussion. as if, we aren't coming along to build anything, but just to discuss in how much time will smth be live. sounds like negotiations. no collaborations. there's no objective feedback, except "data says so." which data? also, this "data" isn't brought up when "i want to test out this hypothesis." not a single hypothesis of his has been successful. just saying.

sunny's friend randomly called me out after the meeting by saying "itne saare ideas aate kaha se hai aapko." "oh. nothing." that's what i get paid for.

went at the vending machine, added some items in the cart, and was called in for another meeting before i could order.

went later and got the protein chips and date bite. i've taken a liking to date bites these days.

home. watched aahat s4 ep12 p1. it's the clock episode. i remember watching it as a kid. i watched the first part. when the second started playing, i slept. my eyes opened when the ep had ended. turned off the tv and slept.

[akash1618]

2 jul. wednesday

coworker's health has actually worsened. he has returned to his hometown. doctor asked him to get admitted if he preferred to stay here.

whenever i was asked what i wanted my first impulse was to answer "nothing." the thought went through my mind that it didn't make any difference, that nothing was going to make me happy. - osamu dazai

a few writers or stories come too close to me. cling. eerily. stick to me. haunt me and make me realise that i am just one wrong step away from my own destruction.

osamu dazai's yozo is scary in that sort. forever wishing for happiness. any sort he would get, would be taken away. succumbing to addiction, got his life ruined. perhaps why i stay away from the trinity of destruction - smoking, drugs, drinks. having a personality filled with sm sadness that he somehow keeps on attracting women in distress. as if him and women come closer together by a shared sorrow. convincing a woman for a double suicide, but then not jumping off the cliff; a murderer. leaving women in more ruin than he found them. never finding happiness in anything. "nothing." a mind disfigured sm that he could no longer see himself as a human.

franz kafka. having an unbearing father figure. being made to study law but figuring out that he loves to write. but then ending up burning 90 percent of his work down because he struggled with self-doubt; even though wanting to do only literature, but struggling with perfectionism. the fear of not being enough even for yourself. struggling with mental health and never finding himself enough to fit in circles. never considered enough, or praised by his father. frequenting brothels, finding solace in prostitutes, but then guilt-ridden post-visits. having an affair with an already married milena, which is now romanticised stupidly, only because kafka's words are "romantic."

edgar allan poe. being married publicly to his 13yo first cousin when he was 27. claiming in certificates that she was 21. having his wife died later affected him sm, it started showing in his work. not having enough to cover for his life through his author work because being an author was unconventional. who would want to pay to read a heart?

shinji from eva. losing his mother early. being neglected by his father since childhood. struggling to find warmth growing up. everyone expecting him to get things done, and no one even caring for him in the slightest. the boy who truly saw him, understood him, cared, was killed by shinji himself; the sheer pain in his eyes when he was about to kill kaworu. the thought of doing things as others expect him to, just so that he gets praised keeps him going; but also knowing well that if he stops then no one would ever love him. not even earning love, just the approval from others that he fit in. shinji living with his mother's memory. another of his friend turning out to be his mother's clone. looping the same song on repeat for days. never truly finding happiness. and when everything was said and done, he found himself just being a tool. never happy. forever the fear of ruining anything that tries to understand him or comes close. in a mask, to be yourself, means you'll never be. for him, love was forever earned, never deserved.

kou tanaka from blue spring ride preferring to stay away from people because he is scared of getting attached to them. because people leave. and when they do, attachment brings pain. watching people walk away when you keep pretending that you never saw them as home. everything explained through a cat even. happiness coming with a borrowed timer. blink and lost. then the best way to avoid sadness becomes to convince yourself that it was never meant to be anyway. how far does avoidance go though until it finally breaks you down?

allen walker. wanting to do good for everyone. a burden to some, a treasure to others. wanting to be kind, even to akuma. burdened with guilt for not being enough. wanting to be kind, but always doubting kindness. i tried to just actively resist bitterness after seeing allen.

reki from haibane renmei. troubled with nightmares and her past which she doesnt remembers. choosing to act kind, hoping that kindness becomes her first nature. and at the end, does become kind for everyone. her second nature becoming her first. i tried from here to be. but can a mask become someone's first nature?

phos from hoseki no kuni. started as kind, wanting to help with everything they could, but couldnt because of their brittle body. seeing people die in front of them, and because of them. still aching to be kind; until things start happening and they slowly start losing parts of themselves. one fragment at a time, slowly. changed sm over time that they couldnt recognise self. dreams and nightmares. broken. not a story of metamorphosis or change, but a story of loss. loss of self.

and for the ball of sadness i am, i dont think anyone would ever be happy with me. i'd suck them in my sadness unknowingly. i wonder what did mavshi mean when she told that i'd make a good husband. i cannot even carry myself, how could i carry someone else? ig she meant it as a joke because i was helping her clean vegetables.

---

saw miss at lunch.

i find it difficult to eat food. i dont feel hungry. only eating half from my lunch box. i did get smth from the canteen, but it didn't help much. but then, even feels weak sometimes. but then, don't even feel hungry. sunny was ordering icecreams for everyone but i couldn't.

when i reached home, my head had started spinning. not much to expect when i didnt have food. but i wanted to sleep because i still wasnt feeling hungry, and i didnt have the energy to eat anything.

aai had slept, but woke up when i reached. she was having her "once-in-while" low blood pressure problem. was continuously insisting me to eat, but i wanted to sleep more than ever. "eat on time, or you'll end up paying in your old age." felt like i was slipping through my own fingers. so slept.

always wondered while writing, if miss were to actually read these logs, won't she feel that i should stop? just stop. if she were to stumble here somehow, would she even recognise that i wrote about her? and if yes, won't she want me to stop? to just get done with this nonsense.

[akash1618]

1 jul. tuesday

a new month. six months passed since 2025 begun. aching because idk where time went by. two months until ganesh utsav, and now it doesn't feel happy. where's time?

slow day actually. boss and two coworkers were absent. sick coworker's health has apparently improved . good to hear. a new intern has joined today for a month.

i woke up at 3 in the night because my stomach started paining suddenly. it must be the random food i had in the weekend. i thought it won't stop. but gladly it did. slept back.

another morning of having a dream about miss and not remembering what it was. also, another odd start to the day because the moment i sat in the bus, her name. i understand her name being super common. but she's also the only second lady ik with that name. so it's definitely not as common? but then it is common.

some songs find me. just somehow. very randomly. when i don't try to listen anything. sometimes when i shut my ears off. sometimes when idc about new music. sometimes when i am listening, but least expecting.

the first was jab se tere naina, then khuda jaane, ajab si, britney's till the world ends, akon's beautiful, titli from chennai express, sun saathiya, enrique's heartbeat, tere sang yaara, alan walker's faded, justin's love yourself, yui's life, malice mizer's gekka no yasoukyoku, bucktick's dress, stephen's until i found you, o bekhabar, tum ho from rockstar, sajni from lapataa ladies, and a lot more. each special. because they found me. i treasure them now sm.

i used to think that when our eyes meet, time stops. but instead, time moves very slow when she's not around. saw her only once at lunch today. but that's that. idk if i should be happy that i do get to see her at least even once per day, or be sad that i only get to see her only once per day? grateful or starved? idk what the right feeling is, because i feel both appreciation and yearning. the days feel hollow. time feels like a drag. slow.

she looks pretty in black but when she tries other colours? she looks even more prettier. makes me wonder, does she not like other colours as much as black?

am i even allowed to yearn for her? is it even correct, when we've not even spoken? when i don't even have any qualities she might like? ugly, unfitting, not social enough, stupid, no money, clumsy? and ig everything shows even in my daily life.

what am i supposed to do when someone calls me "sweet"? i rarely get compliments from girls. but if it happens ever, they call me "sweet". what should i do to get rid of this word? sweet is unwanted, forgettable, soft. it's not that i don't like that word, but i don't like the feeling it brings. the word screams to me that - "hey, by calling you sweet, we've decided to not look further into you or try to understand you." sweet is too shallow; rather, neither too shallow, nor too deep. it's just there. with sweet, you know everything stops. and i dont mean the "sweet" in the sweet way. i would appreciate "sweet" a lot if it'd be heartfelt. call me restless or tired or odd or messy or goofy or dorky; but sweet?

ig miss would be feeling the same when she is called beautiful or pretty or cute. even these words sound shallow to me now. sorry miss.

maybe flattering, but flattening.

but how else will i call miss pretty? because pretty is... pretty. i dont think there's a simpler alternative to this word? i dont know her personally to describe her in her deepest. sorry miss if my words felt shallow, but i always mean them in the deepest way. just truly.

looped hyde's angel's tale today.

rained today, so tried singing dil se dil. can't even memorise a single paragraph. the song's so poetic.

completed wazir. forgettable film. sm plot armour. the only highlight was the songs.

[akash1618]

30 jun. monday

odd start to the day. on friday i was thinking about how i don't find fallen money on the streets anymore, and in the morning, right after leaving the house, i found 3-4 notes.

a man walking ahead called the child to whom those notes belonged. i wanted to pick them up for him, but didnt actually because the child had turned back by that time. should have helped anyway?

the last i found was a note of 10 in fy. i picked it up and thought i would give it to someone needy or put it in some temple's donation box. when i reached in my pocket to get it, it had fallen. oh.

it actually doesnt feel right to me to pick up fallen notes or coins and use them for myself. and it's more because when i was a kid and was asked to buy salt by my grandmother, the 50 rupee note i had got lost. all because i had put the note in the plastic bag and was whirling the whole bag whilst dancing on the street. i asked for salt from the store and when i checked the bag to pay, the note was nowhere to be found. i went running back home and told her. i then ran again to the street to find the note. ofc either it flew away somewhere or someone must've picked it up by then. that's when the fallen note's tragedy hit me. you gain smth, but someone else loses smth. well, one of the early lessons in my life. i stopped swinging bags and dancing on the streets from that day.

me not being at home on sunday mornings is bad though because i dont get to trim the beard. and by wednesday, it starts looking darker.

yesterday while returning, i looked at the sky. the clouds fusing with each other. both dark and light. idk what made me look up actually because i was just super sleepy. reminded me of the pieces analogy i had thought of earlier that humans are incomplete by themselves, and not each other to complete them. how do i put it again? like - needing each other to complete themselves. a weird piece i must be, but i am necessary to be a part of someone's life to complete them. or else, their story would be incomplete. thus, a human having both darkness and lightness within them, but being accepting and accepted of others light and dark. to phrase simpler - finding someone who fits in my, and me in their dovetail. some things need fixing, some things don't. but wholeness isn't about fixing, or is it? idk.

the desks felt empty today because two coworkers were absent. the sick coworker's health has gotten worse. he went through some tests. hoping it isn't anything bad.

i gave the boxes of prasad i had bought for coworkers.

saw miss at lunch - the best. i tried to look at her, but would always catch her friend looking at me because of the stupid angle i was sitting at. my bad. idk, maybe i get too conscious.

coworkers were talking about food. somehow it turned into dadar's upahargruh. and i went to talk about shrikhand. how much do i love aamrakhand? only ik.

when we were done with lunch, i placed my tiffin box on the refrigerator as always. oh ofc saw miss as i walked past miss as she looked elsewhere.

i returned after washing my hands and as i went to pick up my tiffin, she passed from right beside me. my heart skips a beat every time she passes from near me. ig what she wore is called a palazzo. i just call them trousers because idek if they are even palazzo. ahead of me was her tattoo guy coworker. i thought of saying him a hi, but umm, didnt. should have?

reminds me, i no longer see the kind printer guy. has he been shifted to palladium too? also, i made a new acquaintance from her company again. didnt try for this one, it just happened because the dude plays table tennis and is coworkers' friend. yo? he comes from panvel to office.

coworker forgot his driving license last night at zoom cars. he asked me to get it. that's a long route actually, because i might be required to get down at chakala and take an auto to sahar road from there, and back home.

it started raining very heavily just when i left the office. as if the rain was waiting for me to step out. i removed my umbrella, and realised that it's the spare one. it's too small. and i got wet.

all time in the bus, i was thinking about how do i reach sahar because getting an auto under the weh flyover is like finding a tree in the forest. checked if i could walk, and it showed 40 minutes from bookmyshow office, so no. but just five minutes before i reached at navpada, coworker called me and told that he'd get it by himself. tysm.

on friday, a man called me and asked what was wrong with the icici bank procedure i had to go through. he tried to convince me that the one who called was a bank official, and there's no way the representative could read my older bank transactions. so sharing otps was fine. i told him that sharing otps was prohibited, and he seemed shady to me. he then stated that i must've received the call from the official bank number. i told him that the only one who called me from the official bank number was my rm. told that to not believe the people, including the caller, who asks for otps. he asked me for rm's number and told me that he'll talk to my rm. sure.

watched a part of wazir. only the last half hour remains now.

was listening to i think they call this love by matthew today.

lior's spathe was drying. i plucked it off from the peduncle.

[akash1618]

29 jun. sunday

woke up at 6:30. had to sleep shirtless because my shirt was all wet. i did wake up a few times randomly at night to adjust the blanket because it felt cold.

brushed. no bath yet because i thought that we might visit the beach then. sick coworker dropped by our villa and checked if we were awake. he didn't seem sick. sunny woke up. i went out at the veranda from the rear door and closed it from the outside so that the ac doesnt get affected. but realised that i was stuck out because i couldnt open the shut door from the outside. smiled foolishly at myself, because why not? all these things keep happening to me because of my carelessness and clumsiness. cheers!

sat there for a while. then called sunny but he was in the washroom. i had to go through the lawn to our other villa, ofc barefoot. all the time hoping that i dont come across a lizard. or worse, a snake. if someone would have recorded me tiptoeing, i would have laughed a lot at myself after seeing me in motion.

entered their room. found out that the sick coworker wasnt well the whole night. the acidity problem had gotten worse. his back had started paining, and his stomach was burning. the digene we bought yesterday didnt do much for him. the chicken he had in the noon and at night yesterday did him worse. another coworker had called at reception to check for a nearby doctor. i looked for the nearest open hospital, it was some 40 km away. we needed opd at least. but the reception one knew a nearby clinic.

called sunny and asked him to drop by the room when he'd be done. changes in plan - ganpatipule mandir, and then the aare ware beach. we decided for checkout after breakfast. we went out at the reception. took the details of the nearest doctor, roamed a bit, and then went for breakfast. it was a buffet, and do i say how good it all tasted? especially puri bhaji, sheera, and croissant. it was a lot better than the lunch in the afternoon.

we decided to check out at 9:30. it was 8:45 now.

two coworkers went back to their villa. it was only sunny and me. i looked at him and asked "aapko yahaan ghumne ka mann nahi kiya kya? kal property toh dekh hi nahi paaye raat ko andhere mein?" he smiled back and replied "ha yaar. mann toh mera bhi bohot kar raha hai." he looked behind to check if coworkers were back in their room, and said "chalo ghumte hai." we explored the compound whole. the compound looked highly maintained, but - only near our villa, the entrance, the canteen, and the private beach area. other parts had some grown grass. ig they do shifts in the week to clean the areas, and ours seemed cleaned recently. but then he turned back when we reached at the footsteps of the ganesh mandir which was situated on the hill.

i asked him why and he replied that we'd be late because the temple is a lot up. i said him that if we run, it'd barely be two minutes. he refused because we really couldnt see the temple from the foothill, and thus he returned back. i asked him to send a rescue squad if i dont return in twenty minutes haha.

curious stupid me ran up the stairs. because if i hadnt, my mind wont have let me rest for days. there was moss on the stairs so i slowed down though. and honestly, not even two minutes and i saw the temple. but the view from the hill - oh! you could see the waves of the arabian sea touching the malgund shore. beautiful. very close to the view i saw last afternoon when our car had reached on the hilly ganpatipule. the coastal road. so mesmerising.

i entered the temple, and asked ganesh for forgiveness as i hadnt bathed. ofc. and sorry :p (i mean, i did bath last night, if that counts). the temple was really beautiful. there was no one else there except me, so i clicked pictures till my heart was full. i stayed there for sometime and ran back to our villa.

saw sunny just lying on his bed. eh? i thought he was supposed to bath by now. his mobile had stopped working somehow. i went to bath. dressed up with the red short kurta and the white pajama. of the bunch, i looked the odd one because they wore casuals, and i was in traditional. ty ma. i didnt want to be odd, but then i was visiting a temple i wanted to visit for so long. you could say i had a calling from february this year.

we checked out. at checkout, i appreciated the services. the guy at the reception suddenly asked me if i could give a video review. phish. i gave one nervously, didn't stammer or fumble, just that i ended up touching the back of my head - one of my signature "shake nervousness off" pose i hit subconsciously when i am nervous. yo? never dropping a review again.

we left for the doctor. the clinic was near the post office. a coworker's pant was loose, so we looked for a belt around. we reached at 9:50 at the clinic. doctor came at 10:20. coworkers, except the sick one, were outside having icecream. yashoda called me so was speaking.

sick coworker finally got to meet the doctor. i stayed in, in case the doctor says smth in marathi, but he understood hindi well. yes, in this one day, i did notice that even if asked in hindi, the locals would reply in marathi. we went to get medicine at the medical.

left for the ganpatipule mandir. we entered through the gate. 20 rupees for entering the car. pay and park ahead, but we parked the car outside. there were continuous announcements to not enter the sea and legal actions would be taken if found, and people were still bathing. sure. the best part was that it wasnt raining. couldnt imagine what we would've to go through if it rained. would have had to skip this place then. also, place was fairly empty. lucky us.

at the entrance, we removed our footwear and placed them in the plastic bag. there were a few ladies selling hibiscus flowers, but i didnt buy them because i wanted a proper thali, but after moving ahead i couldnt find any. oh no. at entrance, there was a mushak murti. i dont ask for wishes to mushak or nandi, i simply touch their feet and caress their ears and back, so i did the same.

we washed our feet, got into the queue. small queue actually. at darshan, i put in homie's and the sales intern's money in the donation box. i didnt even have flowers on me. felt bad. i went ahead and donated my amount for the pooja. it was listed as a yearly pooja. i asked for upi though since i didnt have that much cash on me. no network so had to move out. paid and returned. they filed a slip for me. gave me a hibiscus, sweets, and a coconut. the pandit recited smth towards god on my behalf. done. coworkers were looking for me. but hey, the sea in front! white sand almost, super clean. also, the temple's premises had wet sand on it. very telling that the morning waves were so strong that the waves and the sand flew through the gates and made the premise wet. if i could, i would've jumped in that water. clicked a few pictures for the coworkers. my shy self popped up - i dont like being clicked. all i do is click - and bad pictures. we were going back and i saw a child asking for a wish at mushak. so i did the same. sick coworker told that that's not how it's done. "we ask for a wish before praying to god, so our wish and we, both reach to god." oh.

we went back to pick our footwear and it hit me that i should've gotten prasad for people. a coworker tagged along as well. we went back to the mandir. but this time, i also got the flowers for god. i asked for a wish to mushak. guess what?

washed feet again. coworker went right and i went left of the barricade. because prasad was sold at the right, and well i could've returned back, but... umm.. i did the bad acting that i had moved ahead. i had the flowers on me and i wanted to give them to god. went in the queue. placed my flowers on god. returned back. took a lot of time actually. got prasad for the people. picked up the footwear. asked if they would like to take a pradakshina of the mountain but they refused. sure. that wasn't in itinerary anyway. coworker got masala kairi :p

in the clothes i was in at the temple, i didnt feel like the odd one. more like, i belonged.

i dropped my phone in wet mud while transferring sweets from the laptop bag to the main. oh. washed it. we left from there to aare ware.

the houses here are so much like the ones in kshanbhar vishranti. "bavara ha jeev bavara..." saw some kayaking spots otw. the sea! we halted at bhandarpule sea view point. the best view of the sea in my life. no more, no less. coworkers kept clicking photos, while i had kept my phone in the car. there had been water in it, and i coldnt charge it for a while. felt miserable, because now the pictures i clicked are not in my phone, but theirs. they'd ofc share. they halted at the top and kept clicking pictures, while i saw a way down to reach the beach. i took the way down to the beach. all in my white pajama. "oh. beautiful view from here as well!", but i didnt have my camer aon me. didnt stay down there for long because i have done smth similar previously and made gauri tai mad about it haha. i am stupid and mischievous in a concerning way to others. grow up? grow up.

aare ware beach was nice as well but we didnt get down there because coworker's health was very very down. he was still sick and couldnt eat anything properly. we still had to halt cars multiple times so he could vomit. his body just wouldnt even accept water now.

otw, two girls were getting pictures clicked at the side of the road. sunny honked at them as our car passed and ruined their picture. the photographer guy was smiling at us. a funny moment.

we halted at a shiv sagar restaurant otw. he only had a few spoons of curd rice. and here, we three were gulping a meal. felt very sad and awkward to even ask for second rounds because he looked sad, and i was munching food here.

sunny saw me clicking pictures. "you like taking photos, dont you?" "no. i dont like being clicked." "no, i mean of random things." "yes." "why dont you get a camera?" " i would prefer a hand camera if i need one." "that's old. get a dslr." "not my taste." well, so someone did notice that i take pictures of random things. ig it shows.

a very long drive. the longest car trip we've done over a weekend. sunny was the only one who drove whilst returning. left at his home. then another coworker picked up the steering. dropped the sick coworker. he looked pale now.

i was telling the coworkers that ganpatipule is in ashtavinayak circuit, but when checked, it wasn't. oh. my bad with checking facts. got made fun of, and ofc, deserved.

the petrol showed that it could go for another 18km then. some 5 km ahead and the tally didnt change. ah! cannot trust. we left the vehicle at some 16km. yea, kinda serves because we had picked it at 7km, which is very low.

dropped the car. coworker left for his home. i got an auto as well. home. and there is yashoda whom i missed, back to fighting with me.

oh. i did buy a box for homie, but the prasad is best consumed within four days. didn't notice while buying. cannot give it to him then.

sea, as my escape from life, or my return to life?

(...second time. i wanted to click pictures of the temple from within, but, no. i dont like clicking when i am in the queue)