alesbianloser - Tumblr blog

[alesbianloser]

Dude that is too much slop for him

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[alesbianloser]

me every day without fail: I'll do [chore] when I get home

me when I get home:

[alesbianloser]

hello!

[alesbianloser]

>i sit on a throne and people come up to me one by one displaying different items

>with each item i yell out "yonic" or "phallic" and then wave them away to a door to the left or right of me (depending on whether its yonic or phallic)

>guy comes up with an item thats too difficult to label as yonic or phalic

>i pull a lever to the right of me that opens a trap door under his feet sending him to fall miles down to his death as we are in my floating cloud castle

>categorizing continues as normal

[alesbianloser]

do you guys ever get annoyed that like. we have bodily needs.

like, sure, I don't mind eating a lil snack or drinking something tasty, BUT it annoys me that I have to do that in order to live.

like, I can't have little treats all the time, no, I have to eat regular meals, because otherwise the body will get upset. and most of the times, the body will also get upset if you eat something in particular, because it's dramatic like that

I like sweet fizzy drinks, but I gotta drink way more than I would like to in order to stay hydrated. and best way to do so is to drink water & that does NOT spark joy, the flavor usually is off, boring and annoying. not to mention if you drink enough, you gotta go to the bathroom so often, such an annoyance

like. do you guys get me.

[alesbianloser]

Caves are weirder and more varied than you think

[alesbianloser]

Abdulrahman was one of the first to die.A carpenter in the village of Qarawat Bani Hassan, he had been on his way back home from work in Ramallah in February last year when he was arrested at a mobile checkpoint. He was taken into administrative detention - under which Israel can hold people indefinitely without charge - in Megiddo prison. His brother Ibrahim said the charges against him were minor, such as taking part in protests and possessing a firearm, but said he was also accused of belonging to Hamas although there were no specific charges about any activities within the group. Ibrahim is still trying to piece together how exactly his brother died. He has to rely on testimony from Abdulrahman's former cellmates, as well as reports from court hearings. One former cellmate, who spoke to the BBC on condition of anonymity, said: "After 7 October, it was total torture. They beat us for no reason, they searched us for no reason. Even if you look at someone the wrong way." He described having seen Abdulrahman heavily beaten in front of him and others. "At 9am, they came into our cell, and began to beat us. One of the guards began to insult Abdulrahman's parents, which he didn't stand for, and he began to fight back. "They beat him badly, and took him away to another cell upstairs for a week. During that time you could hear him crying out in pain." He said he had only found out about Abdulrahman's death after he left prison a week later.

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[alesbianloser]

awful weiner stains (i learned german)

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saw this while exhaling my vape and started choking on it

[alesbianloser]

wine for idiots

WHITE WINE

if you want to make a wine person very unhappy, say that a white wine they like "is giving me a little green bell pepper?"

RED WINE

honestly the only two questions you need to start credibly talking about red wine are "does it taste like red fruits (strawberry/cherry/raspberry) or black fruits (blackberry/plum)?" and "does it taste oaky (i.e. gently sweet and earthy in a way youd associate with coffee or chocolate or warming spices)

if its a fancy dry wine (not a dessert wine, not port, manischewitz or markovic) dont say "sweet," say "juicy"

FIZZY WINE

if its red and fizzy its probably a lambrusco

if youre drinking champagne talk about the "minerality," even chalk notes if youre feeling gutsy. you dont have to taste it just say it

ORANGE WINE

this is very trendy. youre gonna want to talk about its "funkiness." if you use the term "gym socks" at the right time you will get a round of laughs or at least knowing nods. if you see shmutz in the bottom dont worry about it.

MISC

if you want a wine person to talk for a while and not ask you any questions just ask them how they feel about natural wine. theyll go on for a little and you can decide to agree or disagree based on how hot they are

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[alesbianloser]

Bill Braun creates paintings that look like construction paper!

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