alphacrap - Tumblr blog

[alphacrap]

fucking christ I am sobbing

“If the men find out we can shapeshift, they’re going to tell the church!“

[alphacrap]

*walks into pharmacy*

hello yes i would like to purchase 1 mental health please 

[alphacrap]

Pizza rolls are the baby form of Hot Pockets, which are the teenage form of Calzones.

[alphacrap]

It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-

[alphacrap]

Poncho the Spanish police doggo performing CPR

[alphacrap]

“you think you’re the one who gets to kill me?” fghjvkfkkd

[alphacrap]

help him 

[alphacrap]

[alphacrap]

CHILD: why are there tides?

ME: the moon is trying to steal our water but it’s very bad at it

[alphacrap]

3 hours of sleep: I’m exhausted

8 hours of sleep: I’m exhausted

16 hours of sleep: I’m exhausted

[alphacrap]

vagina? u mean vussy?

[alphacrap]

“I can see your nipples through your shirt” first of all stop being ungrateful.

[alphacrap]

“drink water eat good have nasty sex mind ya business”

— @thesexualquotes (via thesexualquotes)

[alphacrap]

no more discourse everybody shut the fuck up and eat some bread

[alphacrap]

because nothing starts ur day off right like darth vader crying heavily over ur naked body

[alphacrap]

wнαт тнe ғυcĸ ιѕ тнιѕ?