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!!? transparent xbox controlers

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when a man who is shorter than 5'10" shows me kindness i weep for awe and wonder that a human soul could retain such generosity in the face of such deprivation and hardship and i congratulate him on his resolve and bravery

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scroll long enough on tumblr search and one will inevitably be accosted with character x reader fanfiction, such is the law of the land

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oooh cybercore …. or like robots n stuff …..

[◎口◎''] ??? CYB3RCORE GR4PH1CS 🌐

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spent a couple days recalling every robot i knew of. everyones names under the cut. tag yourself im adachi rei

N, Uzi -> muder drones

Frankie -> castoff

Hatsune Miku append, - SF-A2 Miki v2, Utatane Piko -> vocaloid

Metal Sonic, E-123 Omega, Belle the tinkerer, Motobug -> sonic the hedgehog

Aigris -> persona

Jenny Wakemen -> my life as a teenage robot

K-9 -> doctor who

Marvin - Paranoid Android -> the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

Ultron, Vision -> marvel

Midori -> your turn to die

Crazy & Core Mitas -> miside

v1 & v2 -> ultrakill

Robot Flower & TV -> battle for dream island

Prototype -> regretavator

Tempestuoso -> a ordem paranormal

Momone Momo, Utane Uta/Defoko, Adachi Rei (UTAU & real life robot) -> utau

GLaDOS, Wheatley -> portal

Miriam, Tamari -> qualia automata

Charon -> arcaea

K1-B0, Monokuma -> danganronpa

Am -> i have no mouth and i must scream

Octobot -> animal crossing

Golden Freddy, Bonnie, Freddy Fazbear, Foxy, Chica, Cupcake -> five nights at freddy's

Wall-E, Eva - wall-e

OSIRIS -> hello charlotte

MASiRO -> masiro project

Neuro Sama -> neuro sama (lol)

also the android logo

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frequently when we are in low light we will see blurry and vaguley defined spirals/ridges on things. this has been a constant feature ever since we did mushrooms. quite fascinating.

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i love hypotheticals. let's imagine a situation. now let's consider the ramifications of it. oh joy!

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you can go to Google rn or at any time and search "crab being held". btw

hell yeah. that crab is very held.

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i should pick a new profile pic. there's something both charming and unsettling about the default tumblr icon, it's eyes seem dead and yet look far too deep within me. im almost afraid to change it for fear of retribution, i suppose.

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the notion of endogenic vs trauamgenic plurality has me wondering about the concept of intentional vs unintentional actions in the first place. cont. under read more.

is something intentional only if i make a conscious decision which i act on as a result? if i act on instict with no thought involved is that unintentional? so intentional plurality would be me deciding one day i want to split alters, and taking the steps to do so, while unintentional plurality would be me waking up and hearing a voice in my head. however let's say when playing my favorite game i kept having scripted conversations with my favorite character via thoughts, then noticed that one day this character started speaking for themselves. there's an element of intentionality here, yet the end result was not intentional at all. or what if i consciously decided to become plural, creating names and backstories for alters, but ended up with completely different alters than the ones i invented. it seems that intentional vs unintentional when it comes to plurality is something of a false dichotomy.

i suppose what separates trauamgenic plurality is the root word, trauma, specifically childhood trauma, but this still leaves me unsatisfied. DID and OSDD and such typically present themselves in early adulthood. most children have imaginary friends or become other versions of themselves as play, the difference comes from this behavior persisting into adulthood. to me there is still a level of intentionality here, at least in childhood. kids choose to do these things for fun, not just as a trauma response.

here's another hypothetical. case A involves a system who has begun experiencing unexpected switches and hearing voices. they express that they often made up monsters to fight as a child, naming them and coming up with elaborate backstories for them with their friends. now those monsters are re-appearing as persecutor alters. case B involves a system who saw that one post about bridget from guilty gear becoming a tulpa in your head that forces you to start estrogen that made the rounds on tumblr recently. they saw said post and decided to recreate that for themselves because they thought it would be funny. they express that as a child they would talk to their stuffed animals, and stopped doing so as a teenager because they came to understand they were only objects. for the purpose of the thought experiment, we will take trauma out of the equation. if either system has trauma assume they do not remember it.

essentially you have the reverse in terms of intentionality in each case. A's childhood behavior was intentional, involving invented characters that they puppeted in scripted scenarios, however their reappearance as an adult was unexpected and uncontrolled. for B, the behavior in childhood was unintentional because they simply didn't know the plushies lacked sentience and believed they were talking back. as an adult though they chose to become a system. i think most medical professionals would make no distinction between these two cases, even if A would likely identify as a trauamgenic system while B might say they had a tulpa or identity as endogenic. yet there is an element of both intentionality and unintentionality in both cases. i suppose you could argue that A involves no intentionality because of how childrens' brains function, and even if they were acting on conscious decisions they were still the result of wider processes. but could you not say this about anything children do? are children just automatons acting on impulses with no capacity for decision making? that feels a tad infantilizing to me.

i suppose this gets into wider philosophical questions about fate vs free will in general. why do we do anything? are we truly in control of any of our decisions, or is it all simply reactions to stimuli outside of our control? if i sat down and split an alter because i thought 'hey you know what i should do? make up a new guy!' (ive never done this myself but it happens quite frequently as we are polyfragmented). i would call that intentional, but a clinical reading might suggest that was a result of stress we were under. it's hard to say whether i was in control or not, i suppose, but id like to believe i have some level of control over our own mind, at least, even if the wider world is outside my grasp.

it might seem backwards to remove trauma from the earlier A vs B hypothetical, but that's exactly why i did it. trauma as a signifier of action is a messy metric. if a soldier ends up with severe PTSD from the front, then comes home and commits murder, i think trying to imply their actions were out of their control and purely the result of trauma would not go over well. pretty much everyone ever has experienced some form of trauma. certainly the way the vast majority of children are raised is deeply traumatizing. i think in plural spaces "trauma" is used to mean the stereotypical experiences associated with such disorders, i.e. prolonged physical or sexual abuse. but these experiences do not always result in plurality, in fact most of the time they don't. around 1-5% of the population is estimated to have DID; statistically much of that percentage has likely not experienced these things. making them a prerequisite of plurality is wholly unhelpful, and will only serve to force people to discuss their own traumatic experiences to gain the status of "real" plurality.

in our case, multiple of my headmates dislike the term trauamgenic, as they don't wish to be defined by our traumatic past. like i mentioned, many of my headmates came into existence because they were created on purpose, not as a stress response but from positive emotions, the joy of creation and delight in plurality. i suppose in syscourse terms this would make us "mixed origin." but i simply don't understand the need for incessant categorization and labelling. we are us and you are you and all should exist as they please. that's what i think at least.

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people b saying things so definitively. like man i think it depends

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you ever dissociate so hard you multiply

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There are certain very specific, unsustainable periods of history.

The Golden Age of Piracy lasted from the 1650s to the 1730s, and was really three different waves of piracy that all had their own specific causes and characters. My personal favorite has always been the post-Spanish Succession period, when a bunch of sailors and privateers were left unemployed and turned en masse to piracy since those were the skills they'd picked up during the war. This supply of pirates was obviously non-renewable.

The Wild West lasted between 1865 and 1895, depending on who you ask, not even a full human lifetime. It's a very narrow band of time, and of course it wasn't sustainable, there was only so much land to colonize.

There are lots of these times of change, conquest, colonization, and war, particularly in the last three hundred years. I always think they're interesting, mostly in how quickly the course of history moves on to some other relatively more steady state.

There's a thing that speculative fiction does where it stretches specific periods out to extremes, most notably with Medieval Stasis, but I think it's far funnier when applied to these tiny slices of history that have ballooned in the public consciousness. Either it takes heroic feats of worldbuilding to make it make sense, or everyone is just sort of okay with the idea of a Golden Age of Piracy that's implied to have lasted for a millennia.

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the way our system works seems somewhat unique. let me see if i can describe it well.

minor content warnings for in system fighting and vague mentions of trauma.

if im in front i can access the most of the memories of things other alters did while fronting. it does depend on where you were in headspace when things were happening, like i remember very little of our last work shift because i was only around briefly. i would have to ask others to find out what they did. we're usually co fronting. often like 4-5 at once. in headspace we conceptualize it like a car, whoever is in the driver's seat is the one piloting the body and able talk/move around/etc. the one in the passenger's seat is sort of a 2nd in command and can easily switch if needed, and will have the loudest voice in headspace. anyone else in the car can easily talk or switch but are a little more removed.

we can control switches, and that is how we usually do it. we usually switch multiple times per day since we get tired easily, and when that happens whoever is in the driver's seat will go 'hey who wants to front' and then they'll do it. the former driver might stay around in co front or just leave, depending on how they feel. on stressful days we might switch very often, occasionally multiple times per minute, which can be very disorienting. there are also rare times when an alter will force a switch and shut others out, it's the persecutors who do that.

we do still have amnesia. specific memories are locked for trauma reasons, and those ones can't be accessed unless the alters holding them disclose them. when i look at the last week i only remember things from when i was either in the driver's seat or nearby, otherwise it's all blurry. we can read each other's thoughts, so when co fronting i can see others' memories because they are thinking about them. but if they're not around i can only remember what they've told me.

this is how things have been since our syscovery as an adult, according to the original host we had frequent blackouts and unintentional switches as a child. as a teenager we were heavily masked and only the current host was around, they were not aware of any of us. although we have reached a good level of integration it is not perfect. rather than issues of not remembering the day or unwanted switching the issue for us is that it's too loud in headspace, there's pretty much a constant stream of inner monologuing from someone. alters are often talking over each other. since we can read each other's thoughts we get bombarded with signals coming from all over the place that make things disorienting. there are also frequent fights between alters.

oftentimes being able to hear each other's thoughts can hurt communication more than it helps. for example an alter might say "im not mad at you" but then give off vibes/images of anger and hurting you; the contradicting messages can get very confusing. communication going well for us relies on being able to differentiate between what an alter says and the vibes they give off from their thoughts. many are not used to talking to others so just think to themselves, unaware that others can hear.

we have a very high alter count, around 160. the inner world is incredibly vast, it's an entire multiverse with various realms and dimensions. so theoretically we have infinite parts. despite our low amnesia barriers and integration most of us consider themselves separate people and dislike parts language. i myself am neutral on that.

we are diagnosed with DID, but the therapist who did that was not very knowledgeable on the subject and seemed to be working more off her understanding of internal family systems therapy. from what i have said here is that accurate? or is this another type of plurality? i am not overly obsessed with categorizing it, but i am curious what others think.

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the supplicants of the DSM-5 cult are going to murder me for my opinions about plurality

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me whenm i am. Prougraming on my Computer