amnuhh

[amnuhh]

today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”

to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older

they were going to get fakes to buy fish

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me: i dont give a shit

narrator: actually, he gave many shits

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This was essentially my life from K - 12

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Reblog if it’s ok for people to give you $599.99

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person: caffeine raises ur anxiety levels

me: *hands shaking, heart pounding* okay, that sounds fake but... okay

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last night i woke up because two dudes were fighting underneath my window and one dude kept screaming “BRO!! BRO YOU CALLED ME A BITCH IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE BAR BRO!! THE WHOLE BAR!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT BRO??” he sounded so heart broken. why bro. why did you do this.

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being sleepy has just become one of my defining personality traits

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one of my favourite things is seeing people carrying flowers around in public. where are they going? who are the flowers for? is it their mums birthday? did someone move house? who knows!! not me!!!

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me as a pilot

me: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have an announcement to make but first you have to promise not to get mad

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*goes a few hours without internet access* wow i’m so healthy and wild i could live in the woods