angstyfrenziedpanda
Vanity feeds my ego
Dreamer. Bipolar. Fahmi's.
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When everyone is entitled to have their own thoughts, have feelings about something or even explaining themselves.... apparently, not me.
Why? Because I’m a mother and I’m a wife. I have to be patient, strong, forgiving and what not?
And when I’m depressed, stress and suicidal.... It’s also on me, cause I bottle up and don’t talk about it.
Wow. Props to you.
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You promised me forever. So please stay strong for me, for our family.
I love you, F. Always. In all ways❤️
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Some nights I wish I could go back in life. Not to change the past but just to enjoy those amazing moments twice.
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“You banyak bagos?!”
Those words have been playing in my head like a broken tape recorder. I can’t believe you would have the heart to say it to me. Yes, I’m not the greatest. But at least, I’m trying. Are you?
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I fucking hate your parents that’s for sure. And nothing can change on how I feel about them. It’s really sad that our Son have these kind of grandparents. It’s disgusting as Fuck.
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There’s so much I want to talk to about yesterday. But I guess I’m not in the position to talk about it. I’m deeply hurt. But I’m sure you’ll never understand. It’s very obvious yesterday but you’re too blinded cause they are your parents.
I can only be patient... for now.
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I’ve always said the harshest word and have been disrespectful towards you. I’m sorry. But know that I’m like this cause I’m really hurt by your parents. You’re the only person that can change things but I don’t see you doing anything about it. Just like them, you’re hurting me too.
I can’t be the only one trying to stand up for our mini family. You’re my husband, Shafee’s father. You should be the one protecting us and standing up for us. I know they are your parents, but this is our family.
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I don’t even know who to turn to or who to speak to. I’m afraid to open up cause people will judge instead of understanding. Just like your family. My family. To the extent my own sister doubts my religion beliefs. Instead of comforting me, people distance themselves. After that incident, your parents have never asked about my well being personally.
I’m always asking myself, what’s my purpose to born into this world. When this is the kind of treatment I get. And I’m always feeling disappointed. Ya Allah, why do you let me go through all these challenges that I’m not strong enough to face?
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As long as we still haven’t distance ourselves from your parents, your family..my mind my heart will never be at ease. That is how much of a toxic they are to me. Sampai skarang tau, Mak bapak kau maseh belom mintak maaf dengan aku.
Remember when you said once we have a kid you’ll let me quit my job and let me stay home. Yeah. You’re just like your father. Not just an empty vassal. But a vassal full of shit. That’s what you are.
Yes, I am the nut case with disturbed emotions. And I thought marrying you will change everything. But no, I only got worst.
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They say sometimes you need some time alone. But they also say some time alone leads to bad decisions.
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I miss loving you this much. Why does things have to change?
The sweetest Boyfriend, the most caring fiancé, most concerned Husband.. And soon, the most loving Father..
Proud to call you mine,F❤️
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I miss the guy whom I got married to in 2016.
Maybe I’m expecting too much out of him or maybe he’s doing his best for me and I’m being an ungrateful piece of shit. Maybe.
But I just want to emphasise this. I miss that guy. My bestfriend, my partner in crime, my walking diary, my lover..... my life.
I miss you Fahmi. I miss you so much.
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