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aphlodite · 20 days
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my thoughts scream to be spoken but still i have none to speak them too.
feels like we tried and failed. and i have to be honest. i desperately want the job with that guy to not work out so that i can try again. i really love jacq. i do not want to lose them.
but i am not myself. i am not the person jacq fell in love with. i've changed. so i need to find myself, and see. maybe they will fall for that person too. i hope they will.
i fuckin hope so.
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aphlodite · 28 days
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i miss you as the sun misses the earth
watching it turn ever away
from its warmth
and i miss you as the earth misses the sun
turning its back to the heat it feels
day in, day out
i miss you
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aphlodite · 1 month
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dear blogary,
today has been alright. this morning was slow. mostly i tried to pass the time while my mom got ready. used my phone, walked, read, ate. then my mom and i went to the dmv and to go get her oil changed. i feel weird about the sean thing. i might get into the details of it on my personal blog, in case anyone wants to weigh in. anyways, then we went to the park for ... half an hour? an hour maybe? which was nice, definitely a highlight. i enjoyed it. then we went to vons so i could get lunch, and my mom went to goodwill. she got like a keurig i think. i stayed in the car. i also stayed in the car when she went to the 99c store, both of them. she got cbd gummies for patrick, lol. and herself. i read a lot today, i'll probably finish the book. which is a little sad, but i'm just glad to have something to do. maybe i'll crack open one of my teenie bopper books afterwards. i'm not want for options while i'm here, that's for sure. xoxo, gossip girl.
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aphlodite · 7 months
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L! i left my journal at my desk, but i need to journal before bed, so phone it will have to be. so long as i can read the text, it's alright. looks better in dark mode for some reason. anyways.
the past week man, i'll tell you. been reconnecting a lot with aline, spending a lot of time with her. but it's probably best for us both, generally, if we're not the only people we spend our time with. family is hard, all around.
i also texted my mom today, that was the major thing. it was hard, but she is responding really well. i think they're really excited to hear from me :( makes me feel so awful for the sister and daughter i have been. two very neglected monikers in my adult life. it's going to be really hard for me, going through with reestablishing a connection to these guys. it's something i want and something i need, and i wish that would stop something from being so painful. but i think this pain is better than the other pain. i hope it will be.
i also heard back from jacq, who returned from their geology trip. it sucks. i really do love them so fiercely and intensely. did this really have to happen now? i think it did, but im so fearful that i'm going to fuck this up, or that i'm going to hurt Jacq by not being able to be what they need. idk. idk. i feel like i haven't been giving jacq my full self, my full heart. but, despite it all, i just don't know if i'm ready to. it's a whole lot. and i'm not even 22. 😮‍💨
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aphlodite · 7 months
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im sober and im like meh yeah id say being in a relationship is nice and rewarding if a little tiring get me high im like let's get marrrrrrried omg let's have a kid aahhhhhh
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aphlodite · 1 year
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I love you I've doomed you.
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aphlodite · 1 year
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i am done looking out for you. i'm done.
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aphlodite · 1 year
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won't you just give it up already
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aphlodite · 1 year
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i'm SO tired of bleeding myself out for everyone else. I'm tired of it. Fucking hell. someone just come kill me or something. sick of this
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aphlodite · 1 year
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so tired of learning this lesson it's not even like im a great kind kid like i'm SELFISH! i can be so selfish! god but i'm tired of doing it ! i am not a nurse! fuck off! it's rotten work no matter what, you or otherwise! i won't do it !
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aphlodite · 1 year
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all she does is bring me down and i'm tired of it. i'm sick of it. i'm sick of you. go to hell. someone else can walk on eggshells to keep you afloat. float yourself.
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aphlodite · 1 year
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Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 
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aphlodite · 1 year
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Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 
1M notes · View notes
aphlodite · 1 year
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Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 
1M notes · View notes
aphlodite · 1 year
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Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 
1M notes · View notes
aphlodite · 1 year
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Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 
1M notes · View notes
aphlodite · 1 year
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Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 
1M notes · View notes