ask-megamind-blue-defender - Tumblr blog

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

why are you so handsome my god WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO DISTRACTING AND GREEN

AHA! You have found my other superpower! (Besides my amazing intellect, I mean!) One sultry eyebrow lift from this Incredibly Handsome Defender is all it takes to bring most people to their knees! MUAHA--

What now Minion?! What?! And why is Roxanne laughing? What is so funny?!

Oh, for evil heaven's sake! THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT ABOUT BRINGING THEM TO THEIR KNEES AND YOU KNOW IT!

Honestly! The two of you! The Ninja Turtles called... They want you to get your minds back out of their sewer!

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Holy shit I love this blog, keep up the good megaminding.

Why, thank you! You're favorite blue hero greatly appreciates your compliments! I'm please to know you enjoy my (fantastically awesome) blog! (And I suppose I, Megamind, Incredibly Handsome Defender of Metrocity, am indeed the very best at "megaminding!" Muahahaha!)

While I do sometimes have to be away for days or even weeks--usually protecting the city, building new amazing heroic inventions, or helping other Defenders in a pinch--I am always happy to be able to post new things whenever possible. Kind fans like you encourage me to keep updating whenever I can! So thank you!

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Happy Two Year Anniversary of the Infamous Pineapple Incident! I gave my beautiful Roxanne a gold pendant to commemorate the occasion... At three in the morning, of course! That's right, my Love! You still haven't lived it down! MUAHAHAHA!

Also, I have recently been introduced to an incredible frozen concoction called Dole Whip. (Why did no one tell me about this deliciousness before?!) Minion is going to make it for dessert tonight.

For those of my fantastic fans who don't know about the Pineapple Incident, you can read the first post HERE.

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

isnt it a bit weird for you to look down at your own skin color and say "hey blue is now my favorite color!"

Ah, now this one calls for a serious answer from your favorite Heroic Genius and Master of All Invention!

Is it weird? Maybe. Some people would probably say it is, but I have to disagree.

Honestly, blue actually wasn't always my favorite color--it was black, which is still a close second--and I made it part of my signature look more out of defiance than anything else. I was a very angry and self-conscious young man, covering up my feelings of in-add-ick-oo-see with an outward facing "Screw You" attitude. I wore blue as a way of shoving my differences in people's faces... It was my way of saying: "Yeah, that's right, I'm blue, what do you want to do about it?!"

But, honestly, I hated the color of my skin. I worked hard on my look, I loudly called myself "handsome," but that was all... Well, it was a cover-up. Body horror and body dysmorphia are real things, and let me tell you, they really hurt. Evil Heavens do they hurt. They hurt you in more ways than you realize. And that's sad, because no one should think they have to feel that way.

It took a while, but I finally learned that for myself. Thanks to my experiences, my turn o heroism, and, maybe most of all, my exceptional and loving wife, Roxanne, I stopped feeling like a monster. I started accepting that who I am matters, not what I look like, and, slowly, I started even appreciating my physical appearance. Again, my gorgeous and brilliant Roxanne was a huge catalyst for that change. It's hard to feel ugly when someone looks at you the way she does me, and every time I see that expression, it's like a fantastic gift. But that's not the point.

The point is that blue IS my favorite color now. I'm happy to be me and I'm proud of the man I've become. They say "love the skin you're in," and I take that literally. Everybody should.

So, people of Metrocity, no matter who you are, what you look like, or what you feel makes you too different, just know this: You're okay. You're enough. And to your Blue Defender, you are beautiful.

~Megamind, Defender of Metrocity.

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

do you think minion’s cute be honest

Of course he is! Minion is adorable! Have you seen his face? He reels you in with that little face!

He knows it, too... I can't be angry with him when he gives me the Big-Eyed-Sad-Puppy-Dog-Fish Look. He does it on purpose.

Don't huff bubbles at me, Filet Minion! You know it's true!

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Why are you bald

When you've got a brilliant brain in a big blue head this handsome, why cover it up? MUAHAHA!

Seriously, though, my research and tests indicate that my species were evolved to be semiaquatic. The lack of hair helps to reduce drag underwater.

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

have you heard of a/b/o

Well, I have now!

Brainbots! Run a search for A/B/O on the main computer!

Alright, so it looks like A/B/O is... is...

Ah! This appears to be somewhat connected with predator/prey BDSM kinks. That makes sense given the--wait. Wait, wait, wait!

Do people write this about me? Is there A/B/O fiction out there about me?

Oh, Gods, I know I am going to regret this...

Brainbots, run a search for Megamind, Incredibly Handsome Heroic Genius, and A/B/O!

Aaaand yes. Regrets. Regrets are happening. So, so many regrets.

Well, if it makes my fantastic fans happy, I suppose that's what matters, so--

Evil Heavens! Why does this crossover have me doing things with Spiderman?! Isn't he a teenager?! That's not alright! No! All the no!

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Do you and Wayne get along fairly decently now or is there still some unresolved tension between the two of you?

For my own part, I bear Wayne no ill will. I have gotten over the childhood bullying and, for me at least, our fights were little more than games. We do have some "unresolved tension," however. Possibly due to the fact that Metrocity's new(ish) Blue Defender ROCKS OUT on electric guitar and keytar. (Not to brag, but I can play anything on those two instruments.) Music Man, on the other hand... Ah... Let's just say he has some learning left to do. I am happy he's pursuing his dream, but... Yes... Learning. Learning is a good thing. And needs to happen. A lot.

I've offered to give him lessons, (I am the Good Guy now, after all,) but he didn't seem really thrilled with the idea. Maybe my critiques were a little too much like banter. Old habits. But, hey, I tried.

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

have you seen goncharov

I have, in fact, seen Goncharov, but only because, while bored in jail, I convinced my prison uncles to help me make an actual short film version of Goncharov. Then I watched it. Just so that I could say that I have.

Unfortunately, despite my sending multiple emails and once sending brainbots to his home, Martin Scorsese declined to be involved.

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

how does one go about purchasing a stairway to heaven?

After carefully examining the lyrics of Led Zeppelin's (amazingly wonderful) song, I have developed a well-founded (and ingenious) hypothesis.

Of course, the first verse tells us that "there's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold and she's buying a stairway to Heaven." Then there's some talk about forests echoing with laughter, "those who stand long" which may refer to immortality, and looking to the West as "my spirit is crying to leave me." At the last there are lines about "a lady we all know who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold."

All of this has led your favorite Incredible Handsome Heroic Genius to the only obvious logical conclusion... The song is referencing J. R. R. Tolkien's classic fantasy books The Lord of the Rings and the "lady who shines a white light" is the Lady of Light, Galadriel.

So, purchasing a stairway to Heaven is a simple process consisting of: Step 1, find a mythical glowing Elven queen. Step 2, somehow convince her to turn everything into gold. (Maybe you have to make everybody else in Lothlorien laugh? I hope you're funny.) Step 3, use all the stuff turned into enchanted gold to buy your very own Heavenly Stairway made of wind.

Oh, and apparently someone needs to be playing bagpipes while you do all of this.

Good luck with that.

~Megamind

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Cmon little gay man. Tell me about you and minion's affairs.

Ah, Minion is a fish. And a robot. And basically my brother. He's my robo-fish-bro.

Besides, where guys are concerned I tend to go for the Good-Boy-With-A-Bad-Side sort. You know the kind I mean... A White Knight in the street, a Villain in a fight, and a Perv in the bedroom.

Luckily, Roxanne likes that sort, too, but LOVES Good Bad Boy Blue Aliens!

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Feed me father

FATHER? Wait, what?!

How did this happen?!

Yes, thank you, Minion! I don't actually need you to answer! I am extremely aware of how biology works! Supergenius, remember?!

So... this is... Ah... This is very unexpected...

Roxanne? Sweetie? You know how you said you think you might want another child?

I have a surprise for you. A really, really big surprise.

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

What They DON'T Tell You...

What they don't tell you about being a hero is how much of the job requires a lot of social tact. Don't get the wires crossed... I'm not talking about charm. I've got loads of charm, whole freighter ships full of it, just ask my wife. But tact? Well...

Shocking though this may be, the guy who was raised in a jail cell and goes around dressed in black leather and spikes while blaring heavy metal is maybe NOT the most adept at picking up on subtle social signals. In fact, my incredibly brilliant brain's Weird Nonverbal Communications Receptor is pretty dysfunctional. There, I said it.

What do I mean? Here's a recent example.

Apparently, it's football season. Has been for some time. At least I think so. I did not know this because I am just not a sports person. It's just never been my thing. And because football fans seem to wear jerseys year round so, really, how am I supposed to gauge when there is something actively happening? No idea.

Anyway, I was at one of those boring political meet-and-greets that Minion insists are absolutely necessary for a hero but that, as far as I can see, only take me away from building really cool, awe-inspiring devices. And I was trying to listen to some guy who is an aid to one of Michigan's senators or something drone on and on about, you guessed it, football. Specifically, he was talking at length about the Detroit Lions.

Of which he is apparently a fan.

And this apparently makes him a rarity.

Because, apparently, by whatever mysterious criteria footballers--is that a word?--are measured, this team is generally agreed to be terrible. I mean, really terrible. Like, some citizens of their own city are embarrassed to wear their team merchandise levels of terrible.

Now, as I said, I am not a sports fan. I am not good at picking up on social signals. So I had NO IDEA that there were all these incomprehensible unspoken rules regulating football-related conversations. There are some things you are simply not supposed to say, for example:

"DETROIT HAS A FOOTBALL TEAM?!"

When he asked me how I could have lived my entire life in Michigan without knowing that, it seems that "I don't know I guess I only know about the famous teams everybody likes" was not the correct answer.

Oops.

To be fair, though, at least I'm not biased. I care exactly 0% about ALL sports. I mean, I'm the guy who, when Minion insisted he wanted to go to a baseball game, sat in the bleachers shouting:

"Go, guy down there! Do basebally stuff! Go other guy! Go guy--Wait! No! You have the wrong colors on! DON'T! GO! GUY!"

So, yeah, if my complete lack of knowledge concerning sports offends you... Sorry. Your Incredibly Handsome Heroic Genius and Defender of All Metrocity really knows nothing about Cow Skin. Or Pig Skin. Or whatever bizarre name it is people call football sometimes.

But, hey, at least you've got a gorgeous blue alien rockstar genius keeping you safe, and you know I'll never be late to rescue you from a burning building because the Big Game is on. You can't have it all, am I right?

-Megamind, Defender of Metrocity

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

It's the Little Things... Literally

Let me be clear: I love being the Defender of Metrocity. I love this city and every person in it, along with the knowledge that I'm doing things to make life better for everyone. I love inventing new heroic devices, the challenge of battle, and the acceptance that has come with my position.

What I don't love are the late-night phone calls and summons to duty. I won't lie to you... It's rough sometimes. Especially when I've just returned to the Lair, tired and sore, looking forward to finally kicking off my boots, eating something, and cuddling my wife... And then the call comes in. Someone has robbed a bank or the Doom Syndicate is up to their usual tricks, so your brave Defender has to put back on his uniform and go back to work.

In the last two weeks that has happened a lot, and I do mean A LOT. It's been exhausting. But today a preteen boy approached me and wordlessly pressed an envelope into my hands before scampering off. Inside was a letter informing me that he and his mother had been at the Fourth of July event that Hot Flash tried to crash, turning the fireworks into just plain fire. Which, of course, means yours truly stepped in and saved the day. (If you live in Metrocity, you probably heard our most fantastic television journalist, my Darling Roxanne, reporting on the event.)

Anyway, this letter informed me that he and his mother were in the thick of things when the fire started, that he was terrified, but that as soon as he heard Rockin' in the U.S.A. by KISS blaring and saw my hoverbike speeding toward him, he knew everything would be alright. But t was the last paragraph that almost brought me to tears.

"Mom said we could have been hurt bad if you weren't there and I want to thank you. You are a hero just like my great-grandpa. He fought in WW2 to keep people safe and now you fight for the same reason. Great-grandpa Huxley is gone but I think he'd like you to have this. (Don't worry, I asked mom if I could send it to you and she said okay.) One day I hope to be just like you and him."

Inside the envelope was an old Bronze Star, and I don't think I have ever been so touched in my life.

Darrion Griggs, wherever you are, I want you to know that I now wear your great-grandfather's medal pinned to my under-suit every day. Thank you for reminding me why all of the late-night phone calls and long hours are so very much worth it.

-Megamind, Defender of Metrocity

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Oh! Oh, that is GENIUS! MUA-HA-HA!

Alright, Precious, I shall admit defeat! You win! All hail the Beautiful and Brilliant Victor of the Great Tentacle Wars! lol :)

I always said you would have made an excellent Evil Queen. ;)

@setepenre-set tentacles for Megamind?

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

Troublesome Temptress. ;)

That is NOT what that means and you know it very well.

@setepenre-set tentacles for Megamind?

[ask-megamind-blue-defender]

OH-HO-HO! You DARE challenge Megamind?! Very well, my Dear!

MINION! I need you to embroider this onto a shirt for me!

@setepenre-set tentacles for Megamind?