asprinkleofstarlight

[asprinkleofstarlight]

A Music Box from the Attic of my Memory

I was cleaning out my laptop, because this 2015 MacBook Pro offers only 120GB of storage and I stubbornly refuse to buy myself a new one, when I discovered these songs which I had saved during high school and which I had forgotten when I was introduced to Youtube Music and Spotify. This is a music box from the attic of my memory, songs which characterized the years and friendships and emotions of high school, seven years later.

Mandarin

爱在深秋 (Alan Tam)  The title seems especially poetic. 

Mine Mine (Jay Chou) 明明就 (Jay Chou) Sure, I still listen to Jay Chou now (at twenty-five years of age), but my earliest Jay Chou song choices raise an eyebrow now.

五月天 (S.H.E.) My morning alarm clock song for so many years.

童年 (Sylvia Chang)

兰花草 (刘文正) 外婆的澎湖灣 (潘安邦) 乡间的小路 (齐豫) 橄欖樹 (齊豫) 送別 (齊豫) 龙的传人 (李建复) A collection of childhood Chinese classics, mostly given to me by Mom. 外婆的澎湖灣 is bright and cheerful. And of course 龙的传人 is the song that every Saturday Chinese school kid sings at the year-end performance.

忘情水 (劉德華) One of the songs from Our Times, that Chinese movie that I watched too many times.

再回首 (姜育恒)

180度 (孫燕姿)

今天看我 (小虎队) 天堂海 (小虎队) 庸人自扰 (小虎队) 愛 (小虎队) 放心去飛 (小虎队) 星光依旧灿烂 (小虎队) 祝你一路順風 (小虎队) 紅蜻蜓 (小虎队) My beloved 小虎队, even though they’re such an old boy band that they disbanded before I was even born. Still, these songs were among the first on my Chinese playlists. The only reason that 蝴蝶飞呀 is not on this list is that it still appears on my playlists now, seven years later, and it holds the title of my unofficial “all time favourite song.” 

我的未来不是梦 (張雨生) This was the kind of music that Mom wanted me to listen to, even though the singer’s story is quite tragic.

隱形的翅膀 (張韶涵)

生如夏花 (朴树) This song still occasionally appears on my 2022 playlists.

滿天星 (李玉璽)

晚秋 (童麗) 難忘今宵 (童麗)

如果有来生 (谭维维)

逆來順受 (關心妍)

花开那年 (魏晨)

山楂树 (黑鸭子)

天路 (龔玥)

美麗的草原我的家 (龔玥) I think this was one of the first instrumental songs on my iPhone 4. I’m not sure why Mom listened to so many of these northern Chinese folk songs.

Cantonese

日落日出 (周柏豪)

I Wanna Believe (林欣彤) A cute, energetic song that reminds me of first year.

灰姑娘 (梁詠琪) Another pretty song that reminds me of first year.

我就是我 (鄭俊弘)

English

Beating Heart (Ellie Goulding)

Stay the Night (James Blunt)  High school was weird.

Falling In (Lifehouse)  My second-favourite English song during high school, after What Makes you Beautiful by One Direction (which was a sort of guilty pleasure). Nowadays, though, this song carries more nostalgic memories, and I’m much less embarrassed by it than that One Direction song.

Fire In the Rain (Måns Zelmerlöw) Heroes (Måns Zelmerlöw) Hope and Glory (Måns Zelmerlöw) Songs that I listened to while running on the treadmill, because Mom was determined that I exercise. I particularly enjoyed the music video for Fire in the Rain.

Good Life (OneRepublic)

Good Time (Owl City) Somehow, I always mixed up Good Life and Good Time. Glad there was so much positivity, though.

Jet Lag (Simple Plan) Ordinary Life (Simple Plan) Rest of Us (Simple Plan) You Suck at Love (Simple Plan) Jet Lag was one of those songs which I heard for the first time and immediately knew would become one of my all-time favourite songs. A feeling as certain and definitive as that is rare. And given my long-distance friendship with Ewen, it was certainly very fitting. 

French

J’ai cherché (Amir)

Vivo per lei (Andrea Bocelli)  Somehow, I had downloaded versions of this song in Italian, French, Spanish, and German.

L’amoureuse (Carla Bruni)

Le serviteur du mal (Aya_me) I went through a weird phase of listening to European-language covers of Japanese music. 

Adieu (Coeur de pirate) Ava (Coeur de pirate) Cap diamant (Coeur de pirate) Danse et danse (Coeur de pirate) Golden Baby (Coeur de pirate) Hôtel amour (Coeur de pirate) La petite mort (Coeur de pirate) Les amours dévouées (Coeur de pirate) Lève les voiles (Coeur de pirate) Loin d’ici (Coeur de pirate) Place de la République (Coeur de pirate) Prince Arthur (Coeur de pirate) Saint-Laurent (Coeur de pirate) Verseau (Coeur de pirate) Berceuse (Coeur de pirate) C’était salement romantique (Coeur de pirate) Comme des enfants (Coeur de pirate) Corbeau (Coeur de pirate) Ensemble (Coeur de pirate) Fondu au noir (Coeur de pirate) Francis (Coeur de pirate) La vie est ailleurs (Coeur de pirate) Le long du large (Coeur de pirate) Pour un infidèle (Coeur de pirate) Printemps (Coeur de pirate) Crier tout bas (Coeur de pirate) Drapeau blanc (Coeur de pirate) Oublie-moi (Coeur de pirate) Tu oublieras mon nom (Coeur de pirate) Where do I even start with Coeur de pirate? That first French class, perhaps, where we listened to Comme des enfants, like so many French students who embark on their journey in this language. Her live concert, where I encountered so many of my classmates from French courses throughout undergrad. Messy attempts at translating the lyrics of Printemps in the back of a car during a long road trip, surrounded by towering trees on either side. A song on repeat on my iPhone 4. Early mornings and dark nights with Oublie-moi. Cap Diamant is pretty, and Place de la République is powerful, and Verseau is energetic, and Oublie-moi is haunting, and Comme des enfants the most special of all.

Je reviens au berceau de l’Acadie (Grand Dérangement)  During Explore 2017 in Chicoutimi, one of our assignments was to give a presentation on a song. This was by far both my and Megan’s favourite. 

Dernière danse (Indila) Feuille d’automne (India) Dernière danse was definitely the more popular one, but I liked Feuille d’automne better.

Ma référence (Jena Lee) Vous Remercier (Jena Lee)  Her name isn’t very French, but Ma référence was the second most-frequently played song in my entire iTunes library, beat only by 蝴蝶飞呀.

Les Champs-Élysées (Joe Dassin) Very much a classic, and it reminds me of Québec even though it should for obvious reasons remind me of France.

C’est la vie (Khaled)  Such an energetic song. Megan loved the music video.

Toune d’automne (Les Cowboys Fringants)  Marie-Elizabeth, the first classmate that I ever talked to in first year, told me one morning as we were studying together for our third-year French class that she particularly liked this band. 

A nos actes manqués (M. Pokora) Voir la nuit s’emballer (M. Pokora) Juste une photo de toi (M. Pokora) Someone presented Juste une photo de toi for that assignment during Explore 2017 in Chicoutimi. Was it Megan and her group? 

Envole-moi (Génération Goldman) Là-bas (Génération Goldman) C’est ta chance (Génération Goldman) I particularly enjoyed the music video for C’est ta chance.

Un coup sur mon coeur (Marc Dupré) Another pleasant song that reminds me of that class in Chicoutimi 2017.

Elle me dit (MIKA) Not my type of song, but this one is a classic.

Pas toi (TAL) Je prends le large (TAL) Le sens de la vie (TAL) Marcher au soleil (TAL) Le sens de la vie was another one of those energetic songs that I listened to for motivation during long nights of studying.

On va s’aimer encore (Vincent Vallières) One of our animatrices told us, that day in Chicoutimi, that she wanted this song to play at her wedding one day.

Italian

Alice e il blu (Annalisa Scarrone) Diamante lei e luce lui (Annalisa Scarrone) Non cambiare mai (Annalisa Scarrone) Senza riserva (Annalisa Scarrone) Tra a due minuti è primavera (Annalisa Scarrone) I’m not sure why I listened to so much of Annalisa Scarrone, but her songs must’ve characterized my early Italian phrase. My favourite of these by far was Diamante lei e luce lui, which I often played on repeat on my iPhone 4.

Dove ci siamo persi (Giada) Siamo amore (Giada) Of all my Italian-language songs, Giada’s were never among the ones closest to my heart, yet the lyrics ‘con il cielo negli occhi e il sole nell’anima illuminiamo la notte’ have served as my Instagram biography for years.

Dove resto solo io (Laura Pausini) Limpido (Laura Pausini) Se non te (Laura Pausini) De tu amor (Laura Pausini) Benvenuto (Laura Pausini) Celeste (Laura Pausini) Le cose che non mi aspetto (Laura Pausini) Non ho mai smesso (Laura Pausini) Io canto (Laura Pausini) Strada facendo (Laura Pausini) Gente (Laura Pausini) Strani amori (Laura Pausini) Dove sei (Laura Pausini) La solitudine (Laura Pausini) Non c’è (Laura Pausini) Incancellabile (Laura Pausini) Seamisai (Laura Pausini) Bellissimo così (Laura Pausini) Mille braccia (Laura Pausini) Primavera in anticipo (Laura Pausini) E ritorno da te (Laura Pausini) Il mio sbaglio più grande (Laura Pausini) Siamo noi (Laura Pausini) Tra te e il mare (Laura Pausini) I think I was obsessed with her at one point. Maybe because I mentioned her to my French teacher, Mr. Cassino, and he said that she was very famous and he listened to her music too? Anyway, she featured very, very prominently in my high school playlists. Benvenuto reminds me of New Year’s spent on the downstairs couch with my parents. Io canto was the song I listened to for inspiration and motivation during the preparatory period leading up to IB exams. Or maybe that was Strada facendo — the memories blur a little, now. Gente was the song that I listened to as I rode ski lifts up the mountains, my fingers so cold that I couldn’t even feel them. Strani amori reminds me of a celestial canvas full of stars. La solitudine and Non c’è and Siamo noi were classics on my phone.

Forse un angelo (Studio 3) The song that I associate most closely with Cinzia, that first tumblr friend. Such a bright, happy tune, full of bright, happy memories.

German 

Verrückt nach dir (Beatrice Egli)

Mehr als perfekt (Christina Stürmer) Seite an Seite (Christina Stürmer) Wir leben den Moment (Christina Stürmer) Millionen Lichter (Christina Stürmer) Ah yes, this is a familiar tune. It reminds me of German classes and long conversations with Ewen.

Der Morgen (Daniel Bertram) Unser Himmel Atmet (Daniel Bertram) Long, foggy roads. The house lounge in Ross House. My friendship with Sophy. Echoes in the mist.

Geiles Leben (Glasperlenspiel) Nie Vergessen (Glasperlenspiel)

Atemlos durch die Nacht (Helene Fischer) Auf der Suche nach mir (Helene Fischer) Ein kleines Glück (Helene Fischer) Es gibt ihn also doch (Helene Fischer) Fehlerfrei (Helene Fischer) Marathon (Helene Fischer) Mit keinem Anderem (Helene Fischer) Phänomen (Helene Fischer) So kann das Leben sein (Helene Fischer) Von hier bis unendlich (Helene Fischer) Didn’t Atemlos durch die Nacht become a meme at some point? Regardless, I quite enjoyed Helene Fischer, which I often listened to on repeat. 

Spanish

17 años (Dvicio) Crucigrama (Dvicio) Enamórate (Dvicio) Justo ahora (Dvicio) Paraíso (Dvicio) Rebeldes (Dvicio) Se Te Olvido Quererme (Dvicio) Oh man, Dvicio. Ewen and I spent so much time talking about how cute these Spanish boys were. I once saw someone on the bus who looked like the lead singer.

Contigo hasta el final (El sueño de Morfeo) I don’t remember this song, but that band name is cool.

Somos aire (Motel) Esferas (Motel)

Creo en time (Reik) Tu mirada (Reik) Ciego (Reik) Con la cara en alto (Reik) Noviembre sin ti (Reik) Tu fuiste de aquí (Reik) My first foray into Spanish music began with Noviembre sin ti, which reminds me of afternoons spent in front of the computer in the computer room, and conversations with Cinzia — was that her name? — who was among my first tumblr friends, when I was just a fledgling little language blogger trying to find my place on the internet.

Japanese

Ai Kotoba (Hatsune Miku) The ever-iconic Hatsune Miku, although I preferred Shounen-T’s cover by far.

Just Be Friends (Vocaloid)  Definitely an iPhone 4 song. Why did I listen to this so often during high school? 

Orenji (Kagamine Len)  This song was pretty, if nothing else.

Aku no Meshitsukai (NicoNico Chorus) Calc (NicoNico Chorus) Fire Flower (NicoNico Chorus) From Y to Y (NicoNico Chorus) Futariboshi (NicoNico Chorus) Hoshi No Uta (NicoNico Chorus) Karakuri Piero (NicoNico Chorus) Senbonzakura (NicoNico Chorus) Souzou Forest (NicoNico Chorus) Twinkle (NicoNico Chorus) Vocaloid was an entire playlist by itself. I learned so many random Japanese words by listening to these songs on repeat, and they often accompanied my artistic exploits or those long hours spent on the treadmill. My favourites among these were Calc, Futariboshi, Hoshi No Uta, Senbonzakura, and Souzou Forest.

[asprinkleofstarlight]

TEN LESSONS THAT I’VE LEARNED ABOUT FOOD & FRIENDSHIP THIS YEAR

i. with our closest friends cheering us on, stepping into the unknown feels just a little easier

(over delicious vancouver sushi that i will soon miss, i share my hopes and fears for the next chapter of my life)

dinner at sushi yan with vincent: march 2021

ii. both time and space cease to matter when a single reunion can transport us three years into the past

(he laughs with resigned familiarity as i triumphantly brandish a pair of travel chopsticks from my bag)

lunch outside quincy market with nick: april 2021

iii. a new city opens the door to new culinary experiences, even if we dearly miss the ones we left behind

(the hour-long wait for the friendly toast reminds me of jam cafe, and it is almost as if i am home again)

brunch at the friendly toast with yi-fang: april 2021

iv. some bonds are so strong that even many years later, it feels like only yesterday that we parted ways

(when i spot him and his distinctive red backpack, five years slip past in a heartbeat)

bubble tea at gongcha with luke: may 2021

v. with kind, friendly coworkers, i’m no longer scared to take my place among them 

(following my colleagues across the courtyard, i feel like a real adult with a real job for the first time)

lunch at aceituna with chung hoon, cedric, and carl: june 2021

vi. with the right company, rotations around the sun are a cause for celebration

(a bookstore date, an intimate dinner, and a gift of sweet desserts — what more could a girl ask for on her birthday?)

dinner at a thai restaurant with braden: july 2021

vii. the post-graduation world is intimidating and unfamiliar, but it’s not so terrible with such a close-knit team

(we converse about everything from portuguese food to the linguistics of bilingual language acquisition, and lunch comes to an end only when lisa reminds us that there’s still work to do)

lunch at bos11 with tammer, vince, ezra, and melina: july 2021

viii. delicious food and fond memories make for the perfect restaurant to visit time and again 

(he mentions casually that he’s properly studying chinese now, and already a torrent of excitement bubbles out of me)

lunch at pho n rice with luke: october 2021

ix. with a chance encounter and an impromptu dinner invitation, the lines between coworkers and friends begin to blur

(we divide the seafood pancake and place a slice on each of our plates, and the act reminds me of meals shared during childhood)

dinner at a korean restaurant with chung hoon and tianyu: october 2021

x. a friendship that spans an entire continent only expands the horizons of our shared adventures

(we laugh together as the mountain of whipped cream atop the king milkshake slides off and unceremoniously hits the plate)

dinner at boston burger co with vincent: november 2021

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          2020

          2019

          2018

          2017

          2016

          2015

[asprinkleofstarlight]

SONGS THAT EVOKE MEMORIES XI

I. 天空之城 (李志)

          港岛妹妹 我们曾拥有的甜蜜的爱情

condensation gathering on bathroom tiles the bright, cheerful laughter of a child watercolour paints drying on a canvas the first raindrops of a thunderstorm the sweetest bunch of summer strawberries catching dandelion seeds in the wind listening to the warm voices of your grandparents telling stories

(august 2017)

II. 稻香 (周杰伦)

          回家吧 回到最初的美好

fireflies lighting the way home a paper airplane which flies straight and true the aroma of a fresh bowl of rice the invincibility of a child’s dreams the winding curvatures of rice paddies a smile as bright as golden sunlight standing before an infinite horizon

(june 2019)

III. 太陽 (PikA)

          不管是多遠的遠方 不要害怕我在身旁

a crown woven from wildflowers the first golden rays in the eastern sky fresh linen hanging from the laundry line waves breaking against the shore a picnic basket with wildflower honey the first buds after a long winter a promise full of trust and hope

(october 2019)

IV. 光辉岁月 (Beyond)

          今天只有残留的躯壳 迎接光辉岁月

freshly peeled mandarin slices mountains behind the mist the final step of a journey the point where the road meets the horizon the crinkled edges of a well-loved photograph a ray of light slipping out from behind the clouds rediscovering a cherished lost fragment of the past

(january 2020)

previous: 

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten

[asprinkleofstarlight]

Songs that Evoke Memories X

songs i heard on my parents’ radio

i. Moon River (Audrey Hepburn)

           Two drifters, off to see the world / There's such a lot of world to see

a bridge silent over dark waters the blurriness of a dream a sea of countless stars painting the reflection of the moon creased polaroids forgotten in a wallet unearthing childhood memories years later a reluctance to let go

(released: 1961)

ii. Yesterday Once More (Carpenters)

          But they're back again / Just like a long lost friend / All the songs I loved so well

a pool of morning sunlight sleepy gazes and tangled sheets a ceiling full of stars sepia-coloured nostalgia a soft smile of familiarity meeting an old friend over breakfast a longing for half-forgotten memories

(released: 1973)

iii. 童年 (罗大佑)

          一天又一天 一年又一年 盼望长大的童年

pockets full of candy jumping off the swing and feeling like flying hopscotch and jump rope saturday morning cartoons a colourful stack of children’s books laughter around the dining room table excitement like butterflies in the stomach

(released: 1982)

iv. 爱在深秋 (谭咏麟)

          爱是可发不可收 你是可爱到永远

weeping willows trailing their branches into still water  a lone lantern still lit past midnight frost-tipped leaves a bustling city, silent before dawn condensation gathering on a bus window an emptying library late at night falling in love with a stranger

(released: 1984)

previous: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

[asprinkleofstarlight]

Songs that Evoke Memories IX

i. 夜空中最亮的星 (逃跑計劃)

给我再去相信的勇气  

waves lapping at the end of the pier the reassuringly constant presence of the North Star stars glinting against the twilight expanse a string of fairy lights fine summer mist falling from a dark sky empty ships in the harbour a promise that some things will never change

(august 2019)

ii. 平凡之路 (朴樹)

我曾经跨过山和大海 也穿过人山人海

a metallic jungle a bridge shrouded in mist a dream in a dark hotel room wildflowers growing by the side of a hill fresh strawberries and homemade chocolate cake long, empty, winding roads the stories whispered in the wind

(august 2019)

iii. 你的答案 (阿冗)

向着风拥抱彩虹 勇敢的向前走

the buzzing of fluorescent lights condensation on glass windows the silence of a city asleep skyscrapers drenched in golden sunlight steam curling into the air the rumble of a passing train finding the strength to keep moving forward

(june 2020)

iv. 少年 (梦然)

只要記得妳是妳呀

lengthening shadows creeping across the grass a rustle in the bushes a patchwork of clouds an empty basketball court alleyways splashed with vivid color an infinite well of optimism looking back one last time

(june 2020)

previous: 

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight

[asprinkleofstarlight]

TEN LESSONS THAT I’VE LEARNED ABOUT FOOD & FRIENDSHIP THIS YEAR

i. an unexpected encounter can lead to the rekindling of an old friendship

(i sip contentedly on my hot chocolate as stories of grad school and job hunting last deep into the night)

dinner at a japanese restaurant and hot chocolate at blenz with shahriar and jasmin: february 2020

ii. no matter how many years pass, our adventures know no limits

(i shamelessly order a french pastry only hours after finishing my matcha parfait, because there's no such thing as too much sugar)

an afternoon at nana’s green tea and pléthore with selina: february 2020

iii. plant seeds of possibility, and realize a reality beyond imagination

(filling his bowl with beansprouts, he casually mentions a friend who works at amazon)

dinner at a vietnamese restaurant with shahriar: feburary 2020

iv. cherish the small moments, before they become the last moments

(we swap stories of airport misadventures and australian wildlife, knowing that each sip of beer takes us closer to the end of normalcy)

drinks at koerner’s pub with jon, ravi, and nilan: march 2020

v. once a team, always a team

(“that's me,” i laugh at the stuffed pikachu sitting next to my pesto pasta and cream soda at 4:00am)

late-night dinner in the great hall with cara and pat: march 2020

vi. after ten months of studying and struggling together, it takes more than a pandemic to keep us apart

(under the blisteringly hot midday sun, someone brightly suggests grabbing ice cream together at rain or shine)

lunch outside of the nest with my mds-cl classmates: july 2020

vii. if things didn't go wrong once in a while, there wouldn't be any fun stories to tell

(i laugh uncontrollably as we use bits of torn off paper bag as makeshift plates, utensils, and cutlery)

lunch at meet at yaletown with vincent: july 2020

viii. moving into a new apartment together is definitely a cause for celebration

(over three of my favourite malaysian dishes, we reminisce over expensive celebratory meals)

dinner at banana leaf with shonchoy: august 2020

ix. on a chilly evening, nothing’s better than a hot bowl of pho and the warmth of a half-decade long friendship

(she laughs resignedly when she finishes her entire bowl before i’ve finished only half)

dinner at a vietnamese restaurant with molly: october 2020

x. goodbyes need not be permanent, as long as someone is willing to say hello again

(after five years of infrequent online conversation, walking side by side down the street and swapping stories of old classmates feels surprisingly natural)

lunch at marutama ramen with lawrence: november 2020

Previous: 

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015

[asprinkleofstarlight]

SONGS THAT EVOKE MEMORIES VIII

i. 生如夏花 (朴树)

这是一个多美丽又遗憾的世界

poetry scribbled on postcards  the tinkling of silver bells  an empty picnic table in the rain  a single flower growing among grass  a pool of bright sunlight  a memory which resurfaces time and again  the destination at the end of a long journey

(december 2017)

ii. 夜曲 (周杰伦)

为妳弹奏萧邦的夜曲 纪念我死去的爱情

a half-sunken ship   roses wreathed in darkness  a warm sense of camaraderie  maple leaves tipped with frost  leading lines vanishing into the horizon  peregrinations down well-trodden paths   a bittersweet parting that lingers a little too long

(may 2019)

iii. 知足 (五月天)

为了你而祈祷 而祝福 而感动

condensation gathering on glass pink blooms, flourishing then wilting bright lights puncturing darkness lengthening shadows creeping over the road warm late summer evenings dust particles caught in the sunlight a long walk in steady companionship

(june 2019)

iv. 漂向北方 (黄明志 & 王力宏)

也是最后寄望 回不去的远方

a bowl of hot noodle soup tears hidden behind smiles solace found in solitary sunsets waves crashing against the shore a burst of hot flame the headlights of a lone car a silver moon in a pink sky

(april 2020)

previous: 

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven

[asprinkleofstarlight]

j'adore l'idée d'être une chasseresse d'artémis. être pour toujours une fille parmi les filles, être belle et forte et sage, courir sous le clair de lune avec un arc et des flèches, courir en côtoyant les loups et les cerfs. laisser derrière moi sans un second regard ce monde cruel des monstres et des hommes, de m'échapper comme j'ai toujours voulu dans un monde où ces ennuis ne peuvent plus me chasser.

c'est toujours un rêve des jeunes filles aces d'être une chasseresse d'artémis

[asprinkleofstarlight]

i want to do so much. 

i want to write poetry at midnight and gaze at the stars and walk through a meadow filled with wildflowers. i want to chase waterfalls and rainbows, read classical poetry while sitting in a large armchair with a cup of hot tea. i want to lie in a pool of sunbeams like a cat. i want to learn to cook elaborate dishes and listen to music that carries universes within its lyrics. i want to paint and learn graphic design and all the languages of the world. 

then i realize i am still shackled to the confines of this capitalistic society where the sole function of my existence is to produce, produce, produce. i lie in bed too pained by the weight of my existence to get up. i sleep faced with the horror that i have insufficiently produced today. and so the cycle continues. 

i want to do so much, but i end up doing so little.

and it hurts.

[asprinkleofstarlight]

5.26

自从疫情的开始，我没有离开我大学的校园。可是前几周我终于找了一个理由离开校园。我带着一个口罩成了公车跑去附近的一个小区。那天的天气真好：23度，出大太阳。

我的朋友住在那小区里。傍晚的时候他来找我，已经两个月没有见面了。他买了一杯珍珠奶茶，然后我们两个从大街走到了一个大公园。我们坐在树下聊天，看风景。有一个女孩和她爸爸在提珠球。有一只狗追着它主人扔的球。快感觉像社会回复正常了。

我和我的朋友呆了两个小时。终于太阳落山以后，我们走回到大街。我成了公车回家。

[asprinkleofstarlight]

one.

When I was five years old, my parents told me one day that we were going to the airport to pick up a family who had recently arrived from our hometown. They had a son a year younger than me, and I was excited to meet him. A new friend!

On the way back to the city, he was still airsick and threw up in the back of our car. He punches me whenever I bring up that memory.

two.

Although we went to different elementary schools in the same city, we were best friends. “Can we go to his house?” I would beg my parents after large dinners with family friends, because I wasn’t ready to head home yet. We would play with the toys in his room, which were stuffed in the large drawer under his midnight blue bed, until the adults called us upstairs to drink tea and eat oranges with them.

For a couple months, we phoned each other for an hour every day. We would often create our own world-building games. “Let's go to my world today!” I would exclaim gleefully, pulling out the notebook in which I had scribbled an elaborate setting replete with fantastical characters. 

“No, it’s my turn, you have to come to my world today!” We would always end our calls with a merry, “Hear you tomorrow!”

Eventually our parents told us that we couldn't spend too much time on the phone with each other. You have to focus on your schoolwork, they told us firmly. You can only call once a week. Our phone calls became less and less frequent after that, until they stopped entirely. Our worlds were forgotten.

three.

After my parents and I moved across the city so that I could attend a different elementary school, we drifted apart. We still saw each other at occasional gatherings, of course, and we’d still sit together at restaurants and whisper amongst ourselves while the adults conversed about topics that we only half-understood. But we were no longer a constant presence in each other’s lives, and the silences in our conversations began to grow longer and longer.

four.

During high school, he almost felt like a stranger. My parents would host the annual Christmas party at our house, and he would attend with his parents and sit alone in the living room while everyone else gathered in the kitchen, and his attention would be focused solely on the new cell phone in his hands. 

“Why aren’t you spending time with him?” an adult would ask me. “I thought you two were friends!” 

“He’s not interested in talking to me,” I would grumble in reply. I could barely recognize in this moody teenager the boy that I had formed so many childhood memories with.

five.

I was in first year at university when I woke up to fifty WeChat notifications one morning. “Congratulations to him!” they read, and I scrolled up to see exactly what they were congratulating him about. 

“Did you hear?” my mother phoned me an hour later. “He got accepted into UC Berkeley!” 

I messaged him on Facebook: “Everyone's congratulating you on your acceptance.” 

“Oh,” he replied dismissively. “I never check those messages.” 

A few months later, he had flown out of the city.

six.

I didn’t see him for a few years after that. We were both busy with our respective university lives, although I heard from my parents that he was a very successful computer science major. My parents had always wanted me to study computer science, and they kept me constantly informed of his accomplishments. 

“He's interning at a prestigious tech company,” they boasted one summer as I flew to Québec to study French literature. I tried to remind myself that my accomplishments were valuable, too.

seven.

The winter that my parents moved to Shanghai, he messaged me one night and said that his parents wanted to invite me over for a New Year’s dinner. “I'll come to campus to pick you up,” he offered. It was a surprisingly generous gesture, although he later claimed that he was only looking for an excuse to leave the house.

During the ride to his parents’ house, however, we had our first proper conversation in years. I had recently unearthed some childhood mementos while helping my parents move out, and I brought them up nostalgically. “Do you remember when we tried to write a magazine together?” I had dragged him into the project, because I had always been a writer and an artist and he had agreed, very reluctantly, to contribute a few pages. “Do you remember that cardboard treasure box on which you wrote ‘Do Not Open’ in black Sharpie?” 

“No,” he said, and my heart sunk slightly.

His house, the same one in which I had spent so much time during my childhood, was still the same. The midnight blue bed was still in his room, although the toys had been cleared out. “Have you ever met my grandparents?” he asked me as we prepared one of the dishes together. I glanced at him in wide-eyed shock — had he forgotten that we had grown up together, and that I had spent almost as much time with his grandparents as with my own? Had all of his childhood memories simply vanished?

eight.

A year later, when he visited the city again, he asked me if I wanted to grab lunch together. I was astounded, because we had never eaten a meal together with just the two of us, but I had a dentist appointment that day and my schedule was too packed. He offered to drive me to my dentist appointment all the way across the city, and as he sped down the highway, he asked what I had been up to recently. I struggled to think of an accomplishment that would rival his, and finally settled on, “I was a research assistant in a lab.” He told me that he had just finished another internship at a prestigious tech company, and was now working as a teaching assistant while taking advanced courses.

nine.

The spring that I graduated from university with a double major in French and Linguistics, I saw on WeChat that he had graduated as well. “He finished a four-year degree in three years!” my mother informed me a couple days later. “His US international tuition was too expensive, anyway.” I learned that he had landed a full-time job as a software engineer at a big tech company in Silicon Valley, and that he hadn’t been interested in returning to Canada at all. 

“Congrats,” I messaged him. 

“Thanks,” he replied. The conversation soon fell limp.

ten.

We barely message anymore. We see each other even more infrequently. I follow him on social media, and I silently watch his Instagram stories as he goes to raves and dines at expensive restaurants. He’s dating a pretty Singaporean girl with blond hair, and he’s almost — but not quite — smiling in their photos together. He’s inherited his parents’ height and his father’s strong jawline, and on his Facebook profile photos there are more than a few girls who leave heart-eye reactions.

We’ve known each other for almost two decades. We were once inseparable — now, almost strangers. What had happened to our childhood friendship, which had once seemed unbreakable? I wonder how different I would be if the strength of our bond had never wavered. But it seems that our paths were not meant to run parallel to each other, at least not for as long as I would have liked, and he had pursued his journey, and I had pursued mine. My parents still regularly update me on his accomplishments. “He's very successful now,” my mother told me recently.

Perhaps we will meet again someday, if he ever decides to pay this city a visit. Perhaps I will take him up on that offer to grab lunch together, and it will be the first time in twenty years that we will share a meal, just the two of us. But we will never be able to return to that childhood friendship again, because all of those memories have been erased from his mind, and I'm desperately grabbing at the last fragments of memory before they are whisked away by the winds of time.

[asprinkleofstarlight]

midnight thought: i want to sit in a field of wildflowers and write poetry

[asprinkleofstarlight]

Songs that Evoke Memories VII (English Edition)

i. Falling In (Lifehouse)

          Every time I see your face / My heart takes off on a high speed chase

stones warmed by sunlight moss clinging to tree bark the arrival of an old friend sunlight filtering through pine trees midnight wishes under moonlight the sliver of sky at the end of a highway nervous anticipation and breathless excitement

(may 2015)

ii. Stardust (MIKA) 

          And I wanna know will I see you again / Will I see you again

fingertips running through messy hair dimly-lit evenings and soft whispers questions unasked and unanswered unexpected text messages the wind howling outside the window snow melting on the sidewalk reluctant goodbyes and lingering partings

(november 2017)

iii. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) (Green Day)

          It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right / I hope you had the time of your life

a soft, hopeful smile early morning, sleepy bus rides neon lights strung underground ice cubes and giant jenga blocks colored lights cutting through smog cityscapes blurring past on the highway the wonder and excitement of a new adventure

(august 2019)

iv. Summer of 69 (Bryan Adams)

          I knew that it was now or never / Those were the best days of my life

scorching summer sunlight a bridge over a pond overflowing bowls of poutine the bustle of a crowded restaurant vintage paintings and posters a city drowned in golden light unbridled delight and joy

(august 2019)

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15/?

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