barcarsenal12

[barcarsenal12]

AM I SEEING THINGS OR WAS ALEXIA PUTELLAS JUST ON MY TV SCREEN DURING THE SUPERBOWL ????

also go birds

[barcarsenal12]

It comes and goes in waves,

mapi león x ingrid engen

their relationship was going well until mapi can feel ingrid pulling away. ingrid is struggling, will mapi be able to help her? hurt/comfort, tw: panic attack and talk of depression 6195w

It became clear how different this team was from Wolfsburg the moment Ingrid stepped onto the Barcelona pitch. In Germany, the team had to be a well oiled machine, precise and mechanical. It was about perfecting each specific movement rather than a team effort. There was no room for improvisation. Playing for Barcelona was the polar opposite; the team built on freedom and love of the ball. The captains would organize monthly bonding events where the team would meet up and enjoy some time together. She remembers the utmost confusion she felt the first time she had been invited to one. 

She wasn’t sure of what she had expected when she had signed the contract. Maybe the same Wolfsburg had been, only in another country. It had been an adjustment to say the least. Ingrid would later understand that Wolfsburg were wrong in their values. By making their players act like robots, they missed the perfection of ‘the flow’; that rare moment where everything just seems to work, each pass connecting, all players seemingly on the same length without communication.

When Alexia welcomed her, pronouncing such a simple phrase “I’m looking forward to playing with you!” in her thick Spanish accent full of warmth. Ingrid’s throat had closed giving her a hard time to speak, she gave a dry laugh, unable to decipher the possible irony in it. But the blonde was truthful, she had seen Ingrid playing. 

She still recalled her first day with the team. Ingrid had walked to the locker room and had been met with a sight she didn’t think was possible. The room was exploding in chatters; jokes were exchanged and teammates were embracing each other, faint noises of music in the background. She had stopped mouth agape but fully enthralled in the moment.

Later, one of her teammates had tried joking with her during a drill, Ingrid had looked around blankly, until she had realized she was allowed to laugh. After a few weeks of gauging how she was expected to behave, she had finally figured it out; she just needed to be herself. Since then, the Spanish city has felt much more like home. The genuine warmth everyone showed tugged at her heartstrings, and slowly, she realized their fondness was melting away walls she had spent years reinforcing.

There was one person in particular who had managed to make the Norwegian quite infatuated. A certain center back, with warm brown eyes who looked like a pool of gold when the sun hit them the right way; who grinned so much the joy was permanently marked into her face in those faint smile lines adorning her eyes. That woman was such a paradox, a bundle of softness and gentleness until her boots brushed grass, and she’d transform into pure determination. And Ingrid had the feeling maybe it wasn’t Barcelona, maybe it was her.

María Pilar León Cebrián was going to be the death of her, she was quite sure. 

And she was proven right a few weeks after settling in the new city when the Spaniard had knocked on her door.

“Hei!” Mapi had said and the soft norwegian had made Ingrid’s heart race. “I was wondering if you’d like to get coffee sometimes, there’s a nice place closeby,” 

Ingrid would forever cherish the sight she had been blessed with that day. The then blonde woman standing sheepishly, twirling a strand of hair around one of her fingers, face full of nervousness. As if it was possible for Ingrid to say no when Mapi’s shy smile could warm up the whole room.

This was the beginning of multiple mornings shared over fuming coffees in different shops. One minimalist, with white walls and metal tables. Another full of plants, books littering shelves, with tables whose wood was warm on the skin. The usual chatter of customers and drips of coffee machine blended in the background of their conversation. At each meeting the vulnerability of their talk would increase, until every word felt like a soft whisper. Ingrid remembers saying something insignificant, and suddenly Mapi was throwing her head back, laughing in a carefree way only the Spaniard could do. Time slowed around them, until it became obvious to Ingrid that it was so much more than a friendly moment. There was an intimate tenderness in the way she traced the tattoos on the Spaniard’s neck, softly memorizing each stroke. There was love in the way Mapi would sprinkle norwegian words in her phrases to make Ingrid feel at home. 

And Ingrid remembers being struck with the overwhelming urge to run. Because this situation was terrifying, really. She wasn’t supposed to be falling in love, she was here to play football. But then Mapi’s fingers had found their way to her hand, slowly reaching for it, seeking permission. And Ingrid allowed it. It felt like an anchor, allowing her to stop fighting against the current and she closed her eyes to appreciate the moment. When she opened them again, she was greeted by Mapi’s mahogany eyes, full of fondness. So she squeezed her hand, and kept drawing soft circles on it all throughout the day they shared. The Spaniard had dragged her to some of her favourite spots in the city; a park full of wildflowers, a small restaurant on a rooftop and later, on a beach, watching the sunset disappear behind the ocean, hands still clutching at each other.

Until Ingrid’s favourite coffee had become the one Mapi made for her after they had shared their first night together. Everything had felt right since that moment.

Mapi wasn’t sure when something had shifted in her relationship with the emerald eyed woman. If it was that morning where she had witnessed the younger woman frowning in her sleep, her usually relaxed traits now tense. The way her eyebrows were curved and her forehead marked by a worried expression. Perhaps it was the way Ingrid had flinched in her sleep when Mapi had tried to caress the crease, instead of curling herself in the Spaniard’s embrace. 

They had unofficially been living together for some months now. It had happened naturally as they were both located in the same building. Slowly, Ingrid’s clothes deserted her own closet to join the defender’s in the apartment above. The sweet, floral scent familiar to the dark haired woman mixed with the woodsy, fresh perfume of the Spaniard. They’d go to the farmers market together, making sure to bring back a fresh bouquet of flowers to leave in a vase because Ingrid liked the smell. Mapi was sure Ingrid didn’t even have a toothbrush left in her own apartment. 

Their lives had simply intertwined without either of them needing to say it. The two of them fell into a comfortable rhythm from the moment they had met. Living together had made it even better, more effortless. Their morning ritual natural and easy. The brunette would get up first, cooking some eggs and vegetables, always served with coffee. The aroma would coax the norwegian out of bed. Ingrid would lean on the doorway, a smile tugging at her lips, watching her girlfriend hum a tune while moving effortlessly in the kitchen. When she couldn’t resist anymore, she’d make her way through the space, wrapping her arms around the Spaniard’s waist, leaving gentle kisses on her lover’s jaw and whispering heartfelt thanks. Mapi would lean her weight back into Ingrid, accepting the tenderness without question. 

That morning though, the Norwegian had left before the coffee machine had even been turned on, leaving a bitter taste in Mapi’s mouth. Ingrid had given vague explanations, muttering something about interviews to deal with before training and having to go back to her own apartments to get ready. It made no sense. 

Mapi’s drive to the training complex felt lifeless without the Norwegian. She was restless, constantly shifting  on the seat, her thumbs tapping on the steering wheel in an heretic manner. Mapi couldn’t understand what had caused such a change in her girlfriend. Her mind went through the last few days, trying to find something, anything, but it came up empty.

When she poked her head around the locker room’s door, she was certain she’d find Ingrid, and they would smile to each other and when they’d be done with their day, they would go back home, hand in hand. Except Ingrid wasn’t there. Mapi frowned, a sense of worry settling deep within her; so she hurried to get dressed up in her gear. 

When she reached the pitch, she let out a soft exhale at the sight of the Norwegian. But still, something was off. When Mapi had started walking toward her, waving at her girlfriend with a grin, the dark haired woman had simply walked the other way, not bothering to look up. Ingrid went on about her training session without giving her a glance. The Spaniard had frantically tried to find Ingrid’s eyes during training, desperate for some sort of reassurance, in vain. Ingrid could feel the burning stare of her girlfriend on her, but she couldn’t bring herself to look back. 

It was so unlike them. 

Their loving gaze was what had sold them to the team, back when they were still keeping their relationship secret. The way these two would always find each other's eyes, when anything happened. A soft smile when one had a good pass, a playful look when one beat the other during a 1v1. Exchanging soft whispers in the cafeteria while Mapi had a hand on Ingrid’s thigh, or while the green eyed woman had her arms over the Spaniard’s shoulder. The world kept spinning but they were there, together, always a reach away. It didn’t feel like this anymore.

The twist in Mapi’ stomach grew bigger as days passed. Each attempt to reach Ingrid had been met by an icy coldness who’d make the north pole shiver. It didn’t stop her from trying harder, though.

Mapi decided that today, she’d find a way to talk to her. If Ingrid didn’t feel like reaching out—for whatever reason—then Mapi would. So she tried to pull her on the side of the field one day, but the younger one had simply walked right past her, unbothered. Leaving behind a very confused Mapi, whose mouth was wide open and eyes gazing blankly in the distance. Then the Spaniard tried getting to the parking lot before Ingrid could leave, but it was too late and she was long gone. Mapi didn’t want to force the situation, but it felt so stagnant. The boat was sinking and she felt useless, standing on the side and letting her relationship disappear in the vastness of the ocean. 

The frustration simmered in her. By the time she got home, she was pacing around her living room. The silence from Ingrid was suffocating. Mapi felt stuck and out of options.

Before she could realize it, she was knocking on Ingrid’s door. It felt desperate, but really she was. Her pulse was quick, seemingly getting faster and faster, the wait unbearable.

Then the door opened. And Mapi stood there, dumbfounded, her face visibly twisted in anxiety. “Hi,” Mapi started, she gulped, her voice dry and raspy. “We haven’t really had the time to talk, so…”

Ingrid looked so tired when she spoke, “Sorry, I’ve had so many things to do, busy season.” Her face was paler than usual, the kind of dead giveaway that someone is sick. Eyes puffy and red from crying.

Where was her lover’s spark was all Mapi could wonder. The taller woman had always been a sweet person. Who made you feel safe and secure. Who always has gentle words for younger players, who took pride in how much she cared about her friends. But these green eyes had no light in them. It broke Mapi’s heart. 

“Are you alright?” she blurted. It was too blunt and she knew it. But she had to do something, she had to wave hoping for another boat to come and help salvage whatever was happening.

“I’m just tired,” Ingrid said in a sigh, “and we have a match tomorrow, I really need to sleep.” she had started closing the door, jumping slightly when Mapi put her foot in the entryway, blocking it open. Ingrid was slipping through her hand like sand. The same way it had that day where the lovers had watched the sunset together on the beach.

“Don’t lie to me, please,” her voice cracked, and she slowly withdrew her foot from the door. Ingrid didn’t answer.

The loud thump the door had made when closing would haunt her that night. She pressed her head on the cold wood, muttering an “I love you” like it would change anything. 

Mapi felt everything and nothing, she felt empty and raw, helpless like an agonizing dog left on the side of the road. All her texts had been left unanswered, the dark haired woman hadn’t exchanged a word with her in multiple days. Not even a courteous nod. And now that Mapi had tried to reach out harder, it felt even more useless.

All she could do was stare at the love of her life, who seemed to be wasting away minute by minute. She could look at the wooden door, and realize all she could really do was retreat to her own apartment.

“Frido,” Mapi had choked on the phone later that night. The Swedish woman was sure she had never heard her friend so emotional. 

The floodgate was open, and the center back said everything that was weighing on her heart. “I feel like I’m losing her, like she’s wasting away. She shut me out and I don’t even know why.” She could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, full on sobbing, but she didn’t care.

Asking Ingrid’s best friend would either be a great or totally stupid idea. Mapi might be overthinking the situation, the Norwegian might just not want to be with her anymore. It was a possibility that had visited her in the nights where the coldness of her bed hit her hard. But what if there was something else, maybe Ingrid needed help. 

 “I’ve tried Frido, I really did, I texted and I waited and I went to her apartment, I don’t know what is going on and I don’t know if I can fix it.” 

She was pacing around the coffee table, where Ingrid and her had shared so many moments. The norwegian’s crossword book still lying on it the way Ingrid liked, black ink scribbled all over the pages. Her mug was still there, too. Mapi could see the faint traces of her lipstick still on it, and she couldn’t bear to wash that mug. It would be too brutal, like admitting something was deeply wrong with her relationship. She’d leave it here until the green eyed woman would come back.

The blonde sighed on the phone, “Did she ever…” Frido cleared her throat. 

She wasn’t sure her friend would be happy about what she was about to say. But she couldn’t do nothing. Frido had tried, too, to reach out to Ingrid, but nothing had worked. And the Swedish was sure if anyone could, it would be Mapi. 

“Did she tell you everything that happened in Wolfsburg?” she had finished after what felt like an eternity for the Spaniard. 

Mapi thought about it for a moment, “She said she struggled a lot to adjust there, after leaving Norway. That training was hard on her, the different playstyle, too,” she recalled. 

On the other side of the phone, Frido nodded, that was something at least, a starting point. “It was more than that, some days it was so hard she’d barely get out of bed.” she started explaining, and Mapi felt her heart drop. She knew Ingrid had struggled in Germany, but she hadn’t realized just how much.

“Other times it was nightmares, or panic attacks related to matches,” the Swedish added. She heard Mapi gasp, sure the two lovers had talked about this, but Ingrid had always made it seem like she was more homesick than anything else. 

“Ingrid was just really obsessive about her performance, the coaching staff was very demanding. Too much, really. It wasn’t healthy. And what they asked of her, it wasn’t fair.” Frido frowned while speaking, and Mapi stilled, her knees buckling, letting herself fall back on the couch. She was staring blankly in front of her, like it would make Ingrid materialize out of thin hair and everything would be fine.

“It was a very hard time for her, Mapi, it crushed her. Sometimes I’d wake up and be terrified for her, she seemed so gone, and it lasted the whole two years.” 

Mapi was nodding furiously, hands shaking, she was trying to process what she’d just heard. “I thought she was doing better you know, since you two started dating, she seemed so free,” Frido was getting teary eyed, too. Heart aching for her best friend. “I think she might be struggling again,” her voice faded out, the weight of what she was about to say crushing her vocal chords, “ I think, the depression might have come back.”

The silence that followed was deafening. For a second Frido thought Mapi wouldn’t be able to deal with it. Her grip on the phone got stronger, like crushing it between her fingers might make her feel better. But instead, the Spaniard replied “I won’t give up on her,” her voice was full of confidence, words echoing in her mind like a mantra.

She wouldn’t give up on Ingrid. 

Ingrid was still resting against the door, long after Mapi had whispered “I love you” and walked away. She wasn’t quite sure she had ever bawled like that in her life. It seemed they were living on a cloud of love up to some days ago. 

Until one morning, she woke with a crushing weight on her chest—the same dooming feeling she’d always feared would return. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, it had started when she was a teen. Some days she’d wake up and nothing felt familiar anymore, it felt cold and deprived of colors, empty of any meaningness. It felt lonely, too. Like someone who’d been left stranded on a shore, who could see the land far away, never quite able to return home. 

She’d push through it for a while until everything would return to normal, because there had always been her parents, then football, and later, Frido in Wolfsburg.

A small part of her genuinely believed it would never come back when she had met Mapi. Loving her was so easy, and being loved by her was the most gentle feeling anyone could ever feel. It felt like a protective aura had been casted, enveloping her with peacefulness and clutching at her hand when the waves tried to drown her. 

So when it came back that morning, in Mapi’s bed, Ingrid ran. Any time the feeling came back, she fled, like the place it had happened in was forever tainted. The insatiable urge had always been inside of her, it was holding hands with the crushing depression, always linked in some ways. She hoped it had gone dormant in the arms of the tattooed woman. Whom she had come to love so passionately. But as much as she liked that thought, her soul was still tarnished. 

Ingrid saw it as a survival mode more than cowardice. She had run away from Norway the first chance she had gotten, and then again from Germany. 

And now she was here, and there was Mapi, and she was suffocating. The urge was clawing at her soul, she wasn’t sure how long she’d resist. The despair seemed stuck to her, crushing her ribs, choking her out until she couldn’t do anything else than lean into it. 

The worst might be that Mapi wasn’t giving up. The Norwegian was painfully aware of the way Mapi would stare at her, during training, in the locker room, desperate for them to connect. Ingrid couldn’t give in. She knew she didn’t look good, she felt pathetic. She could see the bags from her sleepless nights. Her sunken face. The older women would only find emptiness in her eyes. 

Ingrid couldn’t bear that idea, so instead she looked at everything but her. She gazed at the moving trees, she stared at the sun until her eyes burned, because maybe she deserved it. She had hurt Mapi. She would never deserve Mapi.

After what felt like hours Ingrid had dragged herself to her bedroom. She had let herself fall on the bed, curling into a little bad. She saw the sweatshirt on the edge of the bedside table and in a desperate attempt at calming herself down, she grabbed it. Pulling it closer to her and clutching at it, the fabric soft under her fingertips. Nuzzling her nose in the clothing, she inhaled. It smells like Mapi, a woodsy warm feeling which makes her heart flutter. It smells like peace and morning coffee and lovesick smiles. 

Her breath was choppy and uneven. When they’d happen, they’d always hit her like a storm, wild and uncontrollable. Like waves washing away on her ribcage, and she can never quite pull herself out of the sea, dragging her deeper and deeper, relentless and undying. Sometimes, she felt like she’d drown.

She remembers being a child, spending summers on the Norwegian coast. She’d go in the lake and let herself sink, looking up to the sky. Shapes bent and twisted in ways they wouldn’t otherwise. Ingrid liked the way it seemed to separate her from the rest of the world, it felt familiar, as if the bottom was calling to her, slowly engulfing her. In the cold water she was weightless and free, any sound muffled and distant. Sometimes, she hoped she’d drown.

But these waves weren’t the soft movement from a lake rocking her to peacefulness. 

Ingrid had survived after all. 

She could hear the crowd going wild as they entered the pitch. When the whistle blew, she felt her determination come back for a short moment. She had always promised herself that whatever was going on off the pitch could not cross the white markings on the ground.

In a selfish thought process, she told herself that at least she was playing next to Mapi. Ingrid knew her fellow centre back was a force to be reckoned with. Mapi would wash away any mistakes she might commit. The match wouldn’t be easy, but the team had been in very good form.

Perhaps that’s why it hit her as hard as it did when it happened. They had lost after all, and Ingrid was to blame for it. She had over committed, leaving the opponent forward open to score a goal. Even Mapi hadn’t been able to save it. In some sick and twisted way, maybe Ingrid had over committed in her relationship, too. Each minute she had had with Mapi, each touch and each whisper had been on borrowed time. How foolish had she been to think she was worthy of any of it. 

Stepping off the pitch looking lifeless, Ingrid wished she could disappear. Instead she kept her head down walking to the locker room. The whole world seemed muted, distant. She heard the thumping of her teammates’ boots in the tunnel. The squeaks of metal doors being roughly slammed, unbearable tension in the air.

Waves came washing over her, filled with regret when she had seen the look on Mapi’s face. The brunette was sitting at her locker, head bent on her knee, crying. 

Ingrid shouldn’t be here. All the memories from Wolfsburg came rushing back. The hours spent in the video room, watching and rewatching match footage while the coach would scream at her, pointing out every flaw. She’d take it without complaining, tears quietly rolling down her face when it was too much. The extra training she was put through. She could always be better, but she’d always be not enough. And seeing her lover so devastated, Ingrid regretted everything. Maybe she should have closed the door on Mapi the first time she had come to invite her to get coffee instead of the previous night. Maybe Ingrid shouldn’t have come to Barcelona at all. 

All she could do was retreat back to her apartment.

When Mapi saw Ingrid getting up to leave, all she wanted was to run after her. But she was frozen in place, like a deer caught in headlights. They had lost the game, and all she needed was Ingrid. She knew she should have gone after the norwegian, but she wasn’t sure it was what Ingrid wanted. She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, and leaned back into the locker, eyes staring off at nothing.

The Spaniard knew it was a brash decision, but it couldn’t end like that. There was an uncertainty to the situation, and Mapi needed answers, she couldn’t put up with one more second of this. Each step she took to reach the Norwegian’s apartment felt like an added gap in her relationship. She was so close and so far away at the same time.

She was sure the way to Ingrid’s apartment had never been that long. The narrow hallways of the building seemed to be crashing down on her, trapping her. But she needed to see Ingrid, so she pushed through the claustrophobic feelings, quickening her stride. 

Until she made it to Ingrid’s front door and she stilled, unsure of what to do. It’s not like she could exactly barge in with a “Hey, I think you’re getting depressed again.” She still wasn’t sure if that was the cause for the green eyed woman's odd behaviour. But Mapi loved passionately, and cared for Ingrid in a way she had never felt for anyone else. The Spaniard had to try.

Mapi stood in front of the door, keys clenched tightly in her sweaty palms. She deeply hoped she wouldn't have to use them. It would feel like violating Ingrid’s privacy and she’s not sure that would be something the norwegian needed right now. So she tried knocking, fist shaking as she raised it. When no answer came, she knocked again. Louder this time, the vibration in her knuckles going up to her arm and waiting through the heavy, suffocating silence that followed.

With a sigh, Mapi slid the keys in the handle and turned them. Unlocking with a deafening sound, guilt hit her stomach. She was half expecting to get thrown out of here by a very angry Norwegian, who’d finally tell her she doesn’t want her anymore.

Mapi creeps into the apartment, slowly, and she can’t help shaking the sensation that it feels cold. Not the kind you can fix by raising the temperature. Barcelona was already hot, after all. This was different. The silence was oppressive, the type that smothers you in a nauseous feeling. Her warm presence cut the coldness like a knife, slowly making her way to her lover’s bedroom. 

That’s when she hears it; a faint sound at first. Mapi freezes, heart pounding. The unmistakable sound of raw sobbing. She doesn’t need to think for her feet to take her to the bedroom. And the sight she’s greeted with breaks her in a million pieces, leaving her standing helplessly. Ingrid is tangled in the sheets, moving around and trembling. It’s like someone punched Mapi in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her and it takes her brain some time to realize what’s really happening. 

Ingrid is having a panic attack. The Spaniard wasn’t unfamiliar with them, they had accompanied her teen years, she remembers the trapping feeling. The one that would grip your throat, not letting go until you were sure you’d die. But she had never witnessed one, and she curses herself for not having asked Frido how to help Ingrid through one. 

Mapi isn’t sure of what to do. She wants to rush to her, pull her into a hug and never let go. Instead, she tries to steady herself, carefully stepping in the room, unbothered by the mess of a place that hadn’t been cleaned in a while, and kneeled on the ground next to the bed. Her hand tentatively reaches out, stopping mid air. Ingrid looks so fragile, like she could shatter from the lightest touch. 

That’s when the woman in distress spots her. Ingrid had been so used to loneliness, she was almost shocked when she registered the Spaniard in the room with her. But Mapi’s love had been unrelenting, every cold shoulder Ingrid had given had been met by more affection and care. So she had given up, or given in to Mapi, really.

When Mapi gently continues her previous movement, bringing her hand up to caress Ingrid’s cheek, whispering sweet nothings to her, like she’s the most precious thing in the world. Ingrid can’t help but throw herself at her neck, desperately clutching onto her, breathing still erratic. Gripping her so hard she was sure the Spaniard would have bruises. 

“María,” she choked out through a shaky breath, voice painful from weeping. “I’m so sorry, please forgi-”

But Mapi cuts her up by placing desperates kisses on her forehead, like it’s the only thing she could think of doing. She pulled the woman into her lap, enlacing her arms around the crying body. 

“I’m not good enough,” she said in between sobs,  “I keep failing at everything; on the field, with you,” Ingrid whimpers. And Mapi can’t comprehend how Ingrid can think that about herself. Perfect Ingrid who loves so strongly. Loyal Ingrid who checks up on everyone after a rough loss. Ingrid who helps her teammates during stretches, making sure they don’t hurt themselves accidentally. Ingrid who stops to appreciate wildflowers on the side of the roads and scrunches her noses when she smells them. 

That’s when it hits Mapi. When someone is so raw and vulnerable. Listing off all their flaws, aren’t they just begging for love anyways? Mapi would do that. Mapi would love her through the dark, stormy night and would hold her hand when the sunrise would make its way through the window. She wouldn’t give up.

The Spaniard held her jaw, forcing her to look in her eyes. She understood that Ingrid wasn’t being coherent in her thoughts, she just needed to know she’d stay. 

“I know exactly who you are, Ingrid, and I’m not leaving.” she told her, voice laced with concerns and assurance. 

Ingrid gazed into Mapi's eyes and she saw everything. She saw the color of coffee cups they had shared during their first dates. She was blinded by a fountain of rich gold who shone in the dark of her room like a lighthouse, showing her the way to the shore. She felt the warmth radiating from the brown, the same tones the wet earth has after it has rained. She was mesmerized by these amber orbs.

“We’re going to breathe together, just trust me,” Mapi took Ingrid’s hand and placed it right on her heart, hoping the fast but constant beating would help her lover calm down.

Ingrid had leaned her forehead against her lover’s, she let herself sink Mapi’s lap's more, not letting go of her tight grip. She mirrored the Spaniard’s breathing, slow inhales followed by a calm exhale. She let Mapi’s warmth envelop her again, hoping it would help push back the waves, bringing back that protective aura Ingrid loved so much. The steady movement of Mapi’s chest became an anchor, pulling her closer to the shore each second. 

Mapi kissed Ingrid’s temple again, “Just like that, amor,” she murmured, voice low and soothing, like a call for Ingrid to sink into her even more. Slowly, the waves recoiled. Breathing became natural again, and Ingrid fully abandoned herself in her lover’s arms. They stayed like this for a long time, Mapi’s hand gently drawing circles into the Norwegian’s hair. Ingrid was clutching at her, she could feel her steadier breathing against her neck. 

The brunette eye’s darted over the room, squinting to try and see in the darkness. The curtains had been left closed for some time, letting through the tiniest beam of sun. The room was bare, walls empty and bland. A shiver ran through her at the idea that Ingrid had spent the last days unwell in that place. When she looked down at the Norwegian's peaceful expression, she knew what she had to do.

Wordlessly, Mapi carried her back to their home. Where Ingrid’s favorite pillow rested on the couch, where the smell of flowers was strong, where the cozy atmosphere they had spent months building would be waiting to comfort them.  Ingrid was almost asleep against her, letting herself be held and cared for.The faintest smile appeared on the Spaniard’s lips at that sight.

Ingrid could only feel grateful. She had spent the past days feeling miserable, making it hard for everyone around her. Yet, Mapi was here, she hadn’t given up on her, opting for taking her back home instead. Her sobs had quieted, only leaving wet streaks under her eyes for witness. Ingrid felt…calmer? Different in some ways, there was still too much wrong with her, she thought, but the steadiness Mapi exalted was enough to put her at ease for a bit. So when the Spaniard dropped her gently on the couch, Ingrid pulled her in against her to curl in her arm, still seeking peace. They stayed like this for a long time until Ingrid’s voice cut through the silence.

“I didn’t want you to see this,” she croaked, voice breaking midway. 

Mapi adjusted her head so her mouth would be on Ingrid’s temple, pressing a light kiss before whispering in her ear. 

“Let me be here for you, Ingrid. Please.” she pleaded, voice full of love. Her hand gently ran up and down the taller woman’s back, soothing her.

She could feel Ingrid was exhausted and that it wasn’t the right time to talk. So instead she took her hand, softly leading her to the bathroom. The soft orange glow of the light cast a light on the green tiles, somehow making Ingrid’s eyes more vibrant. The Spaniard couldn’t resist and leaned in to share a gentle kiss with the emerald eyed woman, and her heart fluttered when she felt Ingrid smiling. Maybe everything was going to be fine after all.

“Would you like to take a shower? That could make you feel better”, she said with serious care. The taller woman nodded, still too hazy to properly speak.

So Mapi had slowly started undressing her, her fingers moving delicately to remove all of the tissues. When she was done, she stopped, frowning, until Ingrid had squeezed her hand, eyes pleading for her to stay.

She washed away any signs of distress from the Norwegian. She massaged the dark haired woman’s head, applying shampoo with a soft pressure. She lathered her in soap, making sure to place a kiss on any body part who was still tense under her fingertip. The amber eyed woman had cared for her in such a gentle manner Ingrid swore her knees would have buckled if Mapi wasn’t holding her so steadily. 

The bed squeaked under her weight, but all Ingrid could think about was how much she had missed this. Everything about her life with the Spaniard had been filled with tenderness, and the total switch up she had made when she started pulling away had been brutal. She reached for the pillow on her lover’s side and nuzzled into it, and she was filled by the warmest woodsy aroma, the same coming from her clothes. She was certain that they were also from the Spaniard. Her eyelids heavy from all the stress, she allowed herself to close them, slowly sinking into sleep. Only truly relaxing when Mapi also slid in the bed, pulling the Norwegian so close she was almost on top of her, wrapping her arms around her waist. Ingrid snuggled up into her neck, both of them falling asleep instantly, finally together.

In the morning, when the birds singing and the soft morning sun had lit up the room, slowly waking up Ingrid, a part of her had wanted to sneak out and leave, too ashamed to face what had happened the previous night. Until she realized how tightly Mapi was holding on to her. The claws of her need for fleeing were still digging in her throat. But she found that, in Mapi’s embrace, maybe it wasn't as strong as she thought. It was still there. But Ingrid wouldn’t run away this time, she’d stay. Because Mapi was worth fighting every storm life would throw at her. She’d learn to swim in the deepest oceans, she’d learn to let Mapi throw her a life jacket, and she’d take it. Their relationship was worth it. Maybe with time, Ingrid would learn that she was worth it, too.

Instead of leaving, Ingrid inched closer and kissed the freckles on Mapi’s nose.

[barcarsenal12]

Girls like Girls pt 2

summary: after her talk with her teammates, r begins to reckon with the changes to her identity. A huge invasion of her privacy leads to a very upsetting, very public reveal. Luckily, her teammates are there to pick up the pieces.

TW: coming out, questioning sexuality, panic attack, pg13: making out

The days and weeks after your breakdown were easier. It felt like a release-- like you needed to pull the plug, and let all of your emotions out before you could start to reconcile. You started to come back from the panic that had gripped your body, and you found your footing in football again. 

Still, you were constantly aware that something had shifted within you. Sometimes that knowledge would threaten to overwhelm you, othertimes it felt inconsequential, but it always sat like a weight in your stomach. 

Mapi, Ingrid and Alexia kept an awkwardly close eye on you for a little while. That very first afternoon, when they held you on the locker room floor, Alexia brought you home with her and tucked you into her spare bedroom. She refused to leave your side until she could see that your thoughts had settled. In the days that followed, they seemed to have collectively decided to give you space. They checked in on you daily, but never brought up your sexuality, as if they wanted you to initiate any conversation on the topic. You found yourself in their presence more and more. The four of you started to spend more time together outside of training. You felt so loved, but at the same time a little embarrassed for making something as teeny as your sexuality such a big deal. They didn’t seem to have such issues with their own sexualities, after all. 

Still, being around 3 women who were so deeply in love with other women helped you more than you could tell them. As you began to settle in with your new identity, you began to seak out their support.  

--- 

Two weeks after your realization, you found yourself on Mapi and Ingrid’s couch, tucked snugly into Alexia’s side. A movie was playing, but it was late, and you were fairly certain that Mapi and Ingrid were both sound asleep. They were curled up on the other end of the sofa, and both seemed to be breathing heavily. Alexia’s arm was around you, and you would have thought that she was asleep, too, if not for the mindless way that she played with your hair. 

“Ale?” You whispered into the dark, figuring that if she didn’t hear you would just drop it. 

“Hm?” She hummed back.

“Can I talk to you?” 

Alexia hand in your hair stopped, and she slowly reached for the remote to pause the movie before pulling away from your grip to see your face. 

“Always,” She looked at you with concern. 

You glanced nervously at Mapi and Ingrid, who were very clearly asleep. “I think that I’m definitely gay.” You whispered, almost as if it was a secret. 

Alexia laughed quietly, and reached up to tuck some of your hair behind your ear. “Ok, neña.”

“Like, I think all the way.” 

She raised her eyebrows. “You think that you are a lesbian?”

You bit your lip, and nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” 

She pulled you into her, resting your back against her body again. “I think that I am too.” She whispered back. You could hear her grin, and you laughed, too, and flicked her leg. “I’m glad that you are figuring it out. I know that this is very scary.” She said, still quietly. 

“Yeah,” you said, looking down, “can I ask you a question?”

“Okay.” 

“How did you know?” You asked.

“That I was gay?” She confirmed, and you hummed in response. 

“I was young, I started to catch feelings for Jenni.” She started. “I wasn’t sure if I liked her as a friend or as more,” she continued, “but one day she kissed me.” 

You giggled, and Alexia poked you in the side. “Callarse or I’m never going to tell you things ever again.” 

You covered your mouth. 

“She kissed me, and I realized that it was definitely more than friends.” She exhaled sharply. “Mapi was already out, so it was easy for me to follow her path.”

You nodded. 

“Do you like someone, pequeña?”

You thought for a moment that you were talking about crushes with your captain. It crossed your mind that you should be embarrassed, but somehow here, in the dark, you weren’t 

“No, but I think I might like to find a girlfriend.” 

Alexia pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “Just pick someone good for you. I never liked your boyfriends.” 

“I will,” you laughed, “Thank you, Ale.” 

---

It was another two weeks before you found yourself at a club. Before long, you were past tipsy and had made no complaints when a pretty girl began to lead you outside, away from your friends. You suddenly felt woefully unprepared, as if you had never even had your first kiss, and your heart almost beat out of your chest as she pulled you into the alley behind the bar. 

She reached for you, her finger tips tracing your jaw and the back of your ear before tangling in the hair at the nape of your neck. You could feel her breath on your face, and you thought that you might pass out from the anticipation. She was gentle, though, and she leaned in slowly, brushing your lips with her own before pulling back. You followed her, leaning forward as she pulled away. 

“I-” You started, but were cut off as she leaned back towards you, kissing you with a slow intesity that no man had ever been able to give you. Her hands were in your hair, and yours were tracing her spine, and you were melting into her, disintegrating, and you were sure that your legs were giving out, but somehow you were still standing. 

She must have sensed that you were struggling to hold your weight because a minute later you were pressed against the wall of the bar. You gasped as your back collided with the bricks, and she took the opportunity to push her tongue between your lips. The world around you disappeared as all of your outside senses dulled, as if turning all of their energy to this girl in your arms. 

She pulled back and began pressing feather light kisses to your jaw. She traced her way down to your neck, and you brought your hand up to the back of her head, pushing her closer to you. You moaned as she left a mark, and pulled her back up to find her lips with your own again. you pressed your knee between her legs and she groaned into your mouth, pushing you back against the wall and deepening your kiss. 

You jolted apart at the sound of your phone ringing. You flipped it over, and sighed at the sight of Mapi’s name on it’s screen. 

“I have to take this,” you apologized, voice full of regret. 

She leaned closer to you. “Ok,” she whispered in your ear. You swallowed, and your hand shook as you brought your phone up to your ear. 

“Hey Mapi,” you mumbled, hoping that your voice wasn’t wobbling. 

“Hey nena” Mapi responded. As she spoke, the girls against you began to kiss your collarbone, and you had to fight to keep your voice steady. 

“What’s up?” You asked.  

“Nothing much. Just checking in.” The girl’s hand traveled down your body, and you gasped as she reached the waistband of your pants. You tilted your head back against the wall, trying to keep your composure. 

“I’m fine.” You said, knowing that fewer words were better right now. 

“Ok,” Mapi said, suspicious, “Do you need a ride to training tomorrow?”

You closed your eyes, and tried to focus your mind, but the girls fingers were now brushing over the cloth of pants between your legs, and your head felt like mush. “Sure, Mapi that would be great. Listen, I need to go. Have a good night.” You hung up the phone before Mapi could respond, and brought your attention back to the girl. She brought her mouth back up to yours, and you groaned as she removed her hand, brushing her fingers across your cheek. 

“Come back to mine?” She whispered, her voice a question. 

You sighed. As drunk on her as you were, you knew that you couldn’t have a one night stand with training the next day. 

“I can’t,” you breathed. She frowned at you. 

“Can I at least get your number?” She asked, and you nodded happily. 

“Would you want to get dinner sometime?” You asked, like her tongue hadn’t just been inside your mouth. 

She laughed as you put your number into her phone. “Sure. I’ll text you.” 

She kissed you one last time, then walked off to find her friends. You took a moment to compose yourself, before starting the short walk back to your apartment. 

---

When you got home, you looked at yourself in the mirror. Your face was flushed, your hair was messy, and you pressed a hand to your mouth to keep yourself from laughing out loud. 

---

It was Ingrid that saw the news article first. She didn’t make it a habit to check football news, especially not the tabloids, but she happened to stumble upon the pictures posted by a fan account on instagram. Her eyes widened at the photos and she quickly scanned the attached news piece. The initial shock of seeing you with someone, when she hadn’t even know that you were thinking about dating or starting to experiment with women, faded as she realized what this would mean for you. She ran a hand through her hair, sighing to herself. Ingrid picked up her phone and clicked on your contact. When the phone rang out, she grabbed her car keys and ran out her door. 

Today was an away game, but because both Ingrid and you were sidelined with minor injuries, you had both stayed home. Mapi and Alexia, on the other hand, were on the bus heading back from the stadium. As Ingrid started to pull out of her driveway, she connected her phone to her car speaker and dialed Mapi. When Mapi didn’t pick up, she called Alexia, who thankfully picked up on the first ring. 

“Ale”, she sighed out. 

“Hola,” Alexia responded, “Is everything ok?”

“Have you been on instagram?” Ingrid asked.

“No.” Alexia said. “Why?”

“It’s Y/N”. Ingrid answered. She waited a moment, as Alexia opened instagram and was immediately looking at pictures of your face. 

“Mierda,” Alexia mumbled, “How quickly can you get to her?” 

“I’m on my way,” Ingrid responded. 

--- 

You had never in your life felt this kind of fear. It crashed over you, in wave after wave that slowly broke you down. You had seen the post on instagram, instantly recognizing yourself, the girl,  and the bar that you were at that night. This part of you that was so raw, so fresh, so not ready to be shared, had been thrust into the world. Now the waves were pulling on you. They were pushing you down, down, underwater, where you surely would drown. You couldn’t remember how to breath properly, and you were suddenly aware of the fact that you would probably never breath again. 

This was it. This was where you drowned. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind you registered the knocking, but all of your senses were dulled. You couldn’t hear anything past the waves crashing over your head and stealing the air from your lungs.

 You suddenly couldn’t even remember what you were so worried about in the first place. All that you knew was the anxiety that consumed your entire body. You were dying. Of course you were. This was it. 

--- 

When Ingrid realized that you were not going to open you front door, she frantically started to search for your spare key. She checked the doormat and the mailslot before finally finding it tucked away above your doorframe. She sighed with relief, and quickly shoved her way into your home. 

“Y/N?” She called, but got no answer. She poked her head into your kitchen, and upon seeing you curled into a ball, heaving with unfinished breaths, dropped her things and kneeled down before you. 

“Sweetheart,” She said, although she was sure that you couldn’t hear her. Every part of your body was shaking. She wasn’t sure that you could even be considered crying, you couldn’t seem to get enough air into your lungs to form sobs. You were wrapped around yourself, gasping desperately for air. 

“Kjære,” Ingrid tried again, tapping lightly at your hand, “Can you hear me? I need you to breath.” When you didn’t respond again, she grabbed your face and connected your eyes, trying hopelessly to get through to you. She had never felt so helpless. 

Ingrid’s phone rang, and she picked it up immediately. 

“Maria,” She said.

“Ingrid? Are you with her? Is she ok?” “Si, I’m with her. I don’t know what to do, Maria, nothing’s helping.” She said desperately. 

“What’s wrong?” Mapi asked. 

“Shes-” Ingrid took a breath, “I’ve never seen a panic attack this bad in my life. I don’t know how to help her.” 

Mapi inhaled sharply, “She’s having a panic attack?” 

“Yeah,” Ingrid confirmed, and heard rapid spanish and a loud exclamation on the other end as Mapi passed the information to Alexia. 

“Mapi, help,” Ingrid said, on the verge of tears herself as she watched your body fold further in on itself.

“Breathe, amor. Don’t freak out.” Mapi said. Ingrid refrained from pointing out that Mapi seemed an awful lot like she was freaking out. “Ale and I just got off the bus. We’ll drive straight there, 15 minutes tops. 

Ingrid sighed in relief. “Ok.” 

“You’re doing everything right, Cariño. We’ll be there soon.”  

“Please hurry.” 

---

Alexia could not sit still as Mapi drove them towards your home. Her knees bounced and her hands ran through her hair, and she tried to prepare herself for what she would see when she got to you, tried to think of what she could do to make this better. Mapi, on the other hand, had never felt this much rage in her life. She remembered your fears, and to see them coming to life sent waves of anger through her body. 

Mapi pulled in to your driveway, and barely put the car in park before Alexia was throwing the door open and barreling towards your apartment. Mapi caught up to her as she pushed your front door open. 

“Y/n?” Alexia called, “Ingrid?”

“In here!” Ingrid responded from the kitchen. 

They followed her voice, and Alexia let out a short gasp when she saw you, curled in on yourself, still gasping for breath. She fell to her knees in fron of you, quickly taking you into her arms. 

Mapi took in the scene in front of her and went straight to Ingrid, who looked wrecked. Mapi pulled her into a hug. “Has she gotten any better?” She whispered into Ingrid’s dark hair. 

“No,” Ingrid whispered against her shoulder, “She’s been like this since I got here.” 

Alexia’s full attention was on you, trying every trick that she knew to get you to calm down. 

“Chica?” She said, taking your face between her hands. “Can you hear me?” 

You weren’t real anymore. You didn’t think that you ever had been real. You were still tumbling, desperately stuck in your mind. Somewhere, you registered muffled voices and felt hands on your skin, but the waves of panic pushed you over again and again, forcing you back underwater. You had little breath to waste on trying to speak, but you so desperately needed help, before you life surely ended. Already, the edges of your vision were getting hazier. 

“Ayudame,” you rasped out, and Alexia felt her heart break. 

“I’ve got you. I have you, mi nina.” She said, frantically pulling you back into her. 

“Ale, she needs to breath,” Ingrid said, “or she’s going to pass out.” 

Alexia looked back at her, tears of frustration threatening to fall. “I don’t know what to do.” She said, desperately. She squeezed you tight, praying that the pressure would get through to you. You continued to squirm, fully gasping for air now. 

All at once, your body sagged against her, your eyes fluttering closed. Finally, your breathing evened out. 

“Nena?” She said, tapping your cheeks with her fingertips, before looking at Ingrid and Mapi in panic. 

“It’s ok,” Mapi exhaled shakily, “her body did what it needed to.” 

--- 

When you woke, it took a moment before you could place yourself. You delicately pried your eyes open, and quickly realized that you weren’t alone. Someone’s hands were combing through your hair. Ingrid’s, you realized. You were leaned against her, stretching across your couch. Alexia was sat in the chair across from you, her head in her hands. Mapi was here too, sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the couch by your feet. . 

Your first thought was to be worried about how upset Alexia looked. Then, the memory of what had happened crashed over you again. You closed your eyes, hoping to stay here, where you felt so impossibly safe, for as long as possible. You must have moved, though, because Ingrid was softly calling in your ear. 

“Neña?”

You opened your eyes again and met her gaze. She exhaled in relief, her shoulders sagging, and you flushed guiltily, realizing how much you had worried your friends. “Hi, Ing.” 

Alexia jumped up at your voice and was beside you in a second. “Y/N,” she said, running a hand across your sweaty forehead, “how are you feeling?” 

You shrugged and pushed yourself into a sitting position, ignoring the question. “When did you guys get here?” You asked. 

“A few hours ago,” Mapi chimed in from the doorway to your kitchen, “You were a little--” she cut herself off,  “you weren’t feeling so well.” 

“Neña,” Alexia said seriously, touching your hand lightly, “have you ever had a panic attack like that before?”

You shook your head, not meeting her eyes. She sat on the couch beside you, pulling you into her and pressing a kiss into your head. “You don’t have to be embarrassed, mi nina. You never have to be embarrassed.”

You sunk into her side. 

“I’m so glad you’re ok.” she whispered to you, pushing your hair behind your ear. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

You didn’t need to ask her to clarify, your eyes already filling up with tears. “I just, I so wasn’t ready for the world to know. I was just trying something… new, and now everyone knows, and I didn't even get to choose to tell them or not.” You paused, brushing a tear from your cheek. “It feels so personal, so private. I only just figured this out, and I needed more time to be able to explore it by myself.” 

“I know, cariño,” Alexia said, “It is so unfair that this happened to you.” 

You turned your head, catching Ingrid’s eye. “Do you think the team will be mad?” 

She laughed, and smiled at you. “Mad? Elskling, they will be thrilled.”  

“You don’t have to worry about being the odd one out there,” Mapi chimed in, but you noticed that her smile was too tight. 

You smiled back, but another tear rolled down your cheek. 

“Is there something else?” Alexia asked you, brushing the tear from your cheek. 

“I just--” you looked away, swallowing sharply, “there were a couple comments that freaked me out.” 

Alexia’s face dropped, “oh, neña.” She was, of course, not stranger to homophobic comments, but remembered too well how much the first ones had hurt. “What did they say?” 

“They were dming me, calling me gross and saying that they would… make me like guys,” All three of the women around you sucked in a sharp breath, and you continued quickly. “I know that I don’t know them, and I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it just, I guess it just--” 

“Y/N,” Ingrid interrupted you, “you know that you’re safe, right?” 

You nodded. “I know that they can’t get to me, but the fact that they want to--” 

Alexia took a deep breath, and when she spoke her voice was sharp. “That’s really, really scary. Those are awful people. You are not gross, and you are protected from people like that. Do you hear me?”

“Si, Ale,” you nodded, surprised by her tone, “I hear you.” 

Mapi suddenly pushed her way to her feet, and walked into the kitchen. 

Ingrid watched her go, and smiled at you before standing up to follow her.

You looked at Alexia in surprise. 

“She is just angry. Really, really angry at the people saying these things to you. I don’t think that she wants you to see her mad.”

You nodded slowly, and sat in silence while Alexia ran her hand up and down your back. A minute later, Mapi and Ingrid walked back in and sat down across from you. Mapi clutched Ingrid’s hand. “I’m sorry, neña, I know that you are so strong, but it just makes me very upset to see you being treated this way.” 

“I don’t want to make you upset.” 

“You could never make me upset. They make me upset, the people saying these things to you, and you so don’t deserve it. I know that this sucks. But we’re here for you, ok?” She said,

“Ok,” you responded, looking around and meeting the eyes of each of the women around you, “thank you,” you whispered. 

You smiled at Alexia, and she smiled back, and you felt so, so, endlessly grateful to be surrounded by so much love. 

A/N: I know that is has been a while!! I finally found the motivation for this. Sorry not sorry.

[barcarsenal12]

Hidden in plain sight Part.3

TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of injury, child abuse, lots of guilt

Mapi and Ingrid are led by the officer down the hospital corridor toward one of the conference rooms. They tightly hold each other’s hands, exchanging nervous glances as they walk. Mapi takes a few seconds to press a lingering kiss on Ingrid’s forehead, letting her know they are in this together. The angst that had settled in Ingrid’s stomach grows the further they go. She wishes she could have seen Clara before being dragged away, but now she and Mapi are told to sit and wait for someone to come talk to them.

They’ve been sitting for less than ten minutes when Alexia enters, being led in by the same officer. It’s clear from the confusion on her face that she doesn’t understand why they aren’t allowed to see Clara either.

The three of them sit in silence. Ingrid’s leg bounces incessantly, her nerves growing, until Mapi gently places her hand on her leg, slowly caressing it with her thumb in an attempt to calm her down. All the while, Mapi keeps an eye on the captain, who looks like she’s about to storm out and demand to see Clara. The way Alexia’s knuckles turn white from gripping the chair’s armrests is a clear indication of her mounting frustration.

A woman finally walks in, file in hand, followed by a doctor and the same police officer. They sit down with the group, briefly talking among themselves. All three players’ eyes are drawn to the woman’s badge, which shines under the overhead lamp. It reads: “Mrs. Armon Child Protective Services.”

Ingrid’s hand joins Mapi’s on her leg, holding on so tightly that Mapi wonders if she might bruise from the hold. They exchange glances. What had been a weird, concerning situation before has now escalated into something far worse.

Finally, the agent clears her throat, opens the file she’s holding, and begins to speak.

“Hi, thank you for waiting. We just had a few questions about Miss Arellano’s home life,” she says calmly, before being interrupted by Alexia.

“What do you mean, her home life? Why aren’t we allowed to see her?” Alexia demands, her voice rising with frustration.

The agent sighs before picking up a piece of paper from her file. “Miss Arellano was brought to this hospital following injuries sustained during training today at the Barcelona team stadium, is that correct?” she asks, waiting for them to confirm.

“She was unconscious when she was brought in. Our nurses changed her from her training attire into one of our hospital gowns to better assess her injuries. During the examination, they found unexpected contusions on her body—ones that don’t match up with the injuries she would have sustained during the accident or any other training,” the agent continues.

The doctor, who had remained silent until then, raised a hand, his gaze turning serious.

“Miss Arellano, presented with a head laceration and head contusion that we know was caused today during training.” He says.

The three players nod their head at this, they’d all been there and seen the accident themselves after all.

”We however found evidence of bruises on her ribs and back.” He adds looking at them one after the other, seemingly studying their reactions.

Ingrid’s hand leaves Mapi’s and comes up to cover her mouth as tears started to form in her eyes while Alexia’s sharp intake of breath can be heard throughout the room.

“Adding to this, scans confirmed she has three fractured ribs and small cuts on the base of her neck, small crescent moons that suggest she’s been forcefully held by someone.” He ends with, closing the small file he’d opened when he started listing the seemingly endless list of injuries.

Tears now fall freely from Ingrid’s eyes over her hand still covering her mouth, Mapi’s arm is now laying over Ingrid’s shoulders, holding her closer to her as she holds her own leg tightly to hide the way her hand shakes.

Miss Armon gives them a brief moment, to allow the information to sink in before adding “We are suspecting that this isn’t the first time something like this happened, counting the report made today by the hospital, Miss Arellano is the subject of three previous reports.”

“Reports?” Mapi asks, her voice shaky with the first hints of fear.

“Reports of suspected child abuse,” the agent clarifies. “Two came from her school, and one from a former coach. All three reports describe unusual bruises, which Miss Arellano tries to justify as clumsiness or falling, Miss Arellano it seems has been getting abused and covering it up for weeks, if not months, trying to make those injuries look accidental but the medical assessment is clear, she’s being abused.”

The room is still. No one speaks. The weight of the agent’s words presses on them, suffocating. Mapi watches as Ingrid’s hands tremble. Alexia stares at the floor, her breath shallow. Time stretches between them. They can’t undo this.

Alexia who had sat still for most of the conversation seems to deflate at this, she’d hoped that maybe this had been “it only happened once” situation, but there was no denying the truth, Clara had been suffering for months, hiding it from them, and she’d been absolutely clueless, her, the captain of the team, she had not seen it.

She can’t help but think that she’s failed at her job, and the weight of the realization seems to pull her down and she slowly bends over herself, one hand coming to grip her own hair the other one resting on her face as she tries to slow her breathing down.

Ingrid is left reeling by the sudden onslaught of information. It feels like her chest is tightening with every passing second, tears are clouding her vision, she tries to breathe normally, but she can’t help the hitches that come with every breath she takes. She had suspected something was wrong the day before, but hearing her worst fears confirmed in a matter of minutes sends her spiraling.

“I know this is a lot to process,” Miss Armon says, her voice softer now. “But Clara’s safety is our top priority. We can start to make a difference now that we know the truth.”

The agent looks at the three women. “Now, we must ask if you’ve noticed anything that might shed light on this matter—anything Clara may have said or done, or anything unusual you’ve noticed about her home life?”

Mapi tightens her grip on Ingrid’s hand as she looks at Alexia, who is visibly devastated, she’d seen the Captain face hard situations before, always standing strong to help anyone on their team, but now she looks small curled in on herself as if it could protect her from the brutality of the information she’d been given.

She gently nudges Ingrid, silently inviting her to speak about what the two of them had discussed the day before.

“She was supposed to come to our house for dinner yesterday” says Ingrid, “She didn’t show up so I.. “she chokes up on her words, tears strangling her “So I went to her house, her dad answered the door, but he said she wasn’t there!” she adds the volume of her voice raising, her tone almost pleading with them.

Mapi’s now slowly but firmly caressing her back trying to ground her but also to remind her that she’s here by her side.

“I should have known! He smelled like liquor and the house was a mess! But he said she wasn’t there and I left.” Her eyes that were still filled with tears suddenly widened. “Oh my god.” her hand came back to cover her mouth. “I left! I left her there! With him!” Ingrid had tried to hold her sobs back till this exact moment when she realized that she’d left Clara with her abuser completely unchecked. She had seen the signs, the clues, heard the warning bells go off in her mind and yet. She’d left her there.

Ingrid’s breaths come in shallow gasps, as the weight of her realization crushes her, she can’t believe it.

Mapi’s chest tightens at the thought of Clara, alone in that house with him. The guilt in Ingrid’s eyes is almost too much for her to bear, and she feels a helpless knot in her stomach. What if this had been prevented? What if she could’ve seen the signs too?

“No no no no Amor, don’t do this to yourself” Mapi quickly grabs Ingrid’s face in her hands, trying to look into her eyes as she wipes her tears with her thumbs resting on her cheeks.

She pulls her in a tight embrace, holding her tightly, wishing she could protect her from the crushing guilt threatening to swallow here whole. “You couldn’t have known” she whispers, voice soft but firm.

Ingrid wants to believe her, she really does, but she can’t help but wonder how different the situation would be if she’d just paid attention to Clara, if she didn’t let her slip away, if only she'd intervened earlier, maybe all of this could have been avoided.

Mapi feels inadequate, she wants to reassure Ingrid and she can’t help but worry for Alexia that still hasn’t moved from the position she’s been in since the doctor listed all of Clara’s injuries, she wants to help both of them but can’t help but focus on her girlfriend, her caring and oh so sensitive girlfriend who seems to break down even more as the second pass, she can feel her body tensing and yet crumpling at the same time right underneath her fingertips.

She tries to pull her up and away from the guilt pit she seems to be falling into but she’s only mildly successful.

As Ingrid’s sobs slowly subside, Mapi still feels a tight knot in her chest, a growing worry that this moment, this pain, might not be something they can fix with words alone.

Miss Armon allowed them a few minutes to settle themselves before she spoke.

“By your own words, Mister Arellano was intoxicated when you came to check on Clara, is that correct?” she confirms, taking notes as she goes

Ingrid nods, her hand fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

“Is there any other thing any of you can remember that could add to this?” she asks.

Alexia who had remained silent till now spoke up.

“She ran into me on the way to the field, I grabbed her so she wouldn’t fall and… she just looked in pain and I asked what was going on, but she said she was just tired, and we were almost running late.” She looks smaller than she ever has, guilt seems to be pulling her down more and more as she speaks. “I didn’t push her.” she says softly, her head still bowed down.

She takes a few slows breaths before looking up at the couple sitting next to her.

“I just don’t understand how we’ve all missed this. How I’ve missed it.” she says her voice shaky as she holds back her tears

The agent shakes her head.

“Abused children tend to hide their troubles very well” she tells them “The important thing is that we know. Now we can do something about it.”

They all sit in silence for a few seconds before the doctor clears his throat and breaks the silence, his voice professional but sympathetic.

“Miss Arellano has not woken up yet, but when she does we will assess the extent of her injuries to plan her recovery.” he says “When she’s ready we’ll conduct an interview to understand what’s happened. But right now we need to give her time, it’s likely she’s been hiding this for quite a while and we don’t know how she’ll react once the truth comes to light.”

“Would we be allowed to see her?” asks Mapi, she doesn’t allow herself to hope, no matter how desperate she is to check on Clara, she doesn’t want to give anyone false hopes if they are denied access to her.

The doctor looks at Miss Armon, who nods slightly, prompting the doctor grab his file and stand up “Yes, we had to ask those questions first, but if you wish to see her, I’ll take you to her room, however be aware that she’s still unconscious and that we don’t know when she’ll wake up, could be in an hour or tomorrow, okay?”

The three of them nod, shaking hands with Miss Armon and the police officer on auto-pilot before following the doctor out of the conference room and down corridors as they slowly walked closer to their young friend.

As they walked down the sterile corridors Mapi didn’t react as Ingrid grabbed her hand, she’d expected it, but to her surprise Alexia’s hand reached out, grabbing her free one tightly as though she needed to anchor herself too.

She’d raised her head looking at her, but Alexia refused to look at her, looking ahead the whole time her eyes fixed on the back of the doctor’s white coat.

So the three of them walked hand in hand, ignoring the looks thrown their way by patients, doctors and nurses alike that recognized them.

It felt like they’d walked for hours but could have only been minutes when the doctor finally stopped in front of a room, gently sliding the door open and stepping in.

Ingrid can’t help the gasp that comes out of her mouth as she sees Clara laying in the hospital bed, half her face covered in bandages and what wasn’t could only be discribed as a mix of purple and blue.

Alexia didn’t make a sound, but it was clear in the way her jaw tightened that she wasn’t left unaffected by the sight before her.

And Mapi? Well Mapi was trying to help everyone at once, she had to make sure Ingrid didn’t break down, that Alexia wouldn’t retreat behind her walls and try to deal with everything at once, she had to make sure Clara was okay and somehow also take care of herself as well.

Last night she wondered how they could help Clara.

Today she wasn’t sure any of them would be left standing to do just that.

[barcarsenal12]

I don't know how to go about my day

i’m having such a bad time

[barcarsenal12]

Masterlist

Romantic *** Teen reader~~

Ingrid Engen and Mapi Leon

Sickday *** Soon you'll get better (pt 2) *** I've got you (pt 3)***

Tipsy...?***

Barca Femeni

Girls like girls~~ (pt 2)

Alexia Putellas

Election Season***

[barcarsenal12]

Election season (alexia putellas x american reader)

A/N: American reader is dealing with the stress of the election from overseas, while Alexia and their teammates try to understand what a terrifying situation reader is in.

(This is very very short, I can expand if you guys enjoy it. Also this is 100% me projecting.

You had a match the next day, but you knew you weren’t going to sleep. You had hardly been able to sleep all week. Back home, in America, your friends and family were staying up too. Here in Barcelona, no one cared who won the presidential election. 

“Come to bed, love,” Alexia called from the stairs. 

“I can’t, Ale.” You said, closing your eyes. CNN was starting to sear into your eyelids. You felt two hands on your shoulders, and leaned into her touch. 

“The sooner you fall asleep, the sooner you will know who won. Like Christmas morning.” 

You laughed, resting your head against her arm. “I knew that Christmas was always going to be good, though. I won’t be able to sleep. I might as well be here.”

Alexia sighed, and let her head droop. 

“Ok, then I’ll stay here with you.” 

“No, go to sleep. Us both being tired tomorrow won’t help anyone.” 

“But I want to be here. Explain the, como se dice, electoral college again?”

“Go, Ale,” you chuckled, shoving her shoulder. 

She sighed again, but rose from her seat and pressed a kiss to your forehead before making her way back upstairs. 

---

“What’s wrong with her?” Mapi whispered quietly to Alexia during warm ups the next morning. 

“She stayed up all night watching the election. I found her asleep infront of the TV this morning.” Alexia whispered back. 

Mapi let out a low whistle. “She’s not playing today, right?”

“She swears she’s fine.” 

“She doesn’t look fine.”

“I know.” 

You were glued to your phone the next four days, as the results were counted and recounted and confusion over swing states ensued. On the second day, it seemed like it was going the way that you were so desperately praying it would. On the third, though, the opposition won Florida. The election consumed you, and you were so far away from anyone else affected by it that you felt increasingly isolated. Alexia tried to be there, listening and keeping up with the results and trying to ignore how tired you looked. She told you that she loved you and cooked you meals and forced you to sleep. 

When the results came, you were at training. You were in the gym, with MSNBC playing through your airpods as you did reps of squats. You remembered 2020, when your side won and everyone ran onto the streets with pots and pans. This time, you had no neighbors to react with. You calmly placed your weights down and walked through the gym door, shutting off your phone for the first time in days. You needed somewhere-- a closet, ideally, but an empty meeting room would also suffice-- to fully absorb the news. You made it as far as the bathroom before the results sunk in. 

“Why did she leave?” Ingrid leaned towards Frido, as the door swung closed behind you. 

“I don’t know.” Frido responded. “I’ll text her.” 

“Ok, good idea.” Ingrid said, returning to her lifts. After a moment, she glanced back at Frido, and immediately noticed the frown on her face. “What is it?”

“He won.” Frido whispered. 

“What?” Ingrid said. Even from across the world, she knew what that would mean. 

“He won.” 

“Mierda.” Ingrid cursed under her breath, pushing out of the gym. 

----

(Sorry to cut this off, lmk if you want me to finish this story)

[barcarsenal12]

Just sobbed reading this, and I cry maybe twice a year (if that). Jesus that was good.

When is chapter 7 coming out? 😔 i need to know how mapi is doing

I just posted it! Everyone enjoy - it's my favorite chapter in the story! (But also listen to the chapter song I promise it's worth it)

[barcarsenal12]

MY GIRLSSSSS

I love them to pieces

BROOKE RABOUTOU and JANJA GARNBRET Sport Climbing - Women's Boulder and Lead Finals

[barcarsenal12]

Tipsy...?

A/N: Quick little blurb!! Mapi comes home to find that Ingrid accidentally drank a little too much.

TW: alchohol

-----------------------

“Cariño?” Mapi called from the entryway, leaning down to pull of her shoes and lay them neatly on the rack. “Are you here?”

“Si.” A voice called from the living room. 

Mapi had met Aitana for dinner, leaving the apartment to Ingrid and Frido who wanted to have a girls night. It would be good for Ingrid to see her best friend, Mapi thought, so she happily left them alone. 

Now, she returned to find her girlfriend tucked into the corner of the couch. Legally blonde was playing, though it didn’t seem like Ingrid was paying very close attention. Mapi put her bag away, and settled herself beside Ingrid, happy to be home with her. 

“How was Frido?” 

“Good.” Ingrid mumbled. 

Mapi glanced at her girlfriend, who had never before been one for short answered. It was early enough that it was strange for her to be this sleepy. 

She turned her full body around to face Ingrid’s, taking in her slumped form with wide eyes. “Did you drink with Frido?” She asked incredulously, eyebrows raised.

“Just a little.” Ingrid slurred a bit, trying to act sober as she reached a hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear. 

Mapi took her face between her hands and studied it, feeling as Ingrid unconsciously leaned her head into Mapi’s palms. She laughed out loud. “Dios mio, you’re drunk!” She exclaimed. 

“No I’m not.” Ingrid shook her head messily, clearly lacking coordination. 

“You are! How much did you have?” 

“Just one.” 

“One what, mi nina?” 

“Frido made cocktails. I just had one!” Ingrid said, rubbing a hand through her hair. She, too, didn’t understand why she felt so out of it. 

“Oh my god, my girlfriend’s a lightweight.” Mapi laughed. 

“I’m not a lightweight.” Ingrid slurred. “And I’m barely tipsy.”

“Si, amor.” Mapi laughed again, rising to get Ingrid a glass of water. “Let’s get you to bed.” 

Mapi pulled Ingrid onto her feet, but she promptly sank back down into the couch. Mapi sighed. “Come on, up you get.” She said again, wrapping an arm around Ingrid’s waist to support her.

“I love you.” Ingrid giggled, pressing her thumb into the soft skin of Mapi’s cheek. 

“I know, cariño, yo también te amo.” Mapi laughed loudly, starting to really enjoy this. She sat Ingrid down on the toilet and went to grab her pajamas. 

“I’m not drunk. I can get myself ready” Ingrid frowned as Mapi helped her to the sink. 

“Of course.” Mapi continued to guide her, knowing that she would topple over if left alone. 

Finally, Mapi led her to the bed, where she sank back against the cushions, not bothering to climb under the comforter. “It was a very strong cocktail.” Ingrid mumbled, and Mapi tried to hold her giggle in. 

“Tomorrow I will have to have a talk with Frido about getting my girlfriend drunk.” Mapi said, tucking Ingrid in and pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

Ingrid hummed, forgetting to disagree. “Don’t be mean to her, she’s sensitive.” She snuggled into her pillow and fell right asleep. 

---

The next morning, Mapi loudly told the locker room that Frido had gotten Ingrid drunk on a single cocktail. Because it was Ingrid-- whom no one but Mapi had seen past tipsy-- the group laughed loudly at the story. Ingrid’s face turned bright red and she shoved her girlfriend’s shoulder before digging in her bag for an advil. She glanced at Frido, who was laughing with her teammates, and stuck her tongue out. 

[barcarsenal12]

Janja did it, she's Olympic champion, fuck yeah

[barcarsenal12]

I've got you (Sickday pt 3)

Sickday pt 3:

Mapi finally learns Ingrid's secret and comes home to take care of her girl. You know I love my angst, but there's scattered fluff.

tw: hospital, sick, tears, nothing serious

Frido paced back and forth in the hallway outside of Ingrid’s bedroom. As she waited for Alexia to arrive, she dialed Mapi’s number, praying that she was awake and that she would answer. Luckily, Mapi picked up on the 4th ring.

“Maria?” Frido said into her phone. 

“Frido! What’s up?” Mapi responded cheerfully.

“You need to come home.” Frido said.

Mapi was immediately on alert. “Why? What’s wrong?” 

“It’s Ingrid”. 

Mapi felt her breath catch in her chest. “Frido, tell me what is going on right now.” She spoke sharply. 

“She caught whatever you had. I wouldn’t call unless it was really bad, but I don’t know what else to do.” Frido said quickly, starting to ramble. 

“She’s sick? How is she doing?” Mapi was up on her feet, pacing immediately. 

“She’s been throwing up for three days straight. She can’t keep anything down. I’m not even sure that she knows what’s going on anymore. She’s really out of it.”

“Mierda.” Mapi cursed, sitting down on the edge of the bed and putting her head in her hands. “Is she- is she at home? Is she in pain?” 

“Mapi-” 

“Fridolina, please, just tell me.” Mapi’s voice cracked.

“We’re taking her to the hospital.” Frido told her, quietly. Mapi closed her eyes, sinking into the mattress beneath her. 

“El hospital?” Mapi whispered, her voice unsteady. 

“She’ll be ok, I promise, but she needs you.” 

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Mapi mumbled. 

“She’s stubborn, but she’s asking for you now.” Frido said. “It’s ok, Mapi. Just come home.”

“Of course.” Mapi sniffed. “Of course. Thank you for telling me.” 

“Are you ok?” Frido asked, hearing her tears through the phone. 

“Always.” Mapi scoffed, hiding another sniffle. “Just please, Frido, take--”

“I know, Maria. She’s in good hands.” 

“And tell her I love her.” 

“Ok.” Frido smiled. 

“Ok.”

As Mapi hung up the phone, Frido heard pounding coming from the door, signaling that Alexia had arrived. She quickly moved through the apartment, pulling open the door to reveal a slightly flustered Alexia dressed in a oversized sweatshirt and old pair of jersey shorts, having clearly recently woken up. 

“Where is she?” Alexia asked.

“In the bedroom.” 

“Vamos!” 

They ran into the bedroom to find Ingrid still squirming in the sheets, whimpering softly. Her shirt was soaked through with sweat. 

“Ingrid. Ingrid? Hey. Chica?” Alexia spoke, tapping Ingrid’s cheeks lighty with her fingertips. When she got no responses past a groan, she promptly ruled out Ingrid walking to the car and gathered her into her arms. 

“Shhh.” She comforted Ingrid as she scooped her up, one arm behind her back and one under her knees, carrying her. Frido ran ahead, opening and closing doors as Alexia moved towards the car, Ingrid clutched tightly to her chest. She gently slid Ingrid into the backseat and got into the drivers seat, while Frido joined Ingrid in the back. 

--- 

When they got to the hospital, Alexia gently picked Ingrid up while Frido ran ahead to talk to the urgent care front desk staff. When Alexia shouldered through the door, there was a gurney waiting to bring Ingrid to a room. Alexia and Frido followed hurriedly behind her as she was wheeled into the back, and stood back to give the doctors room as they put an IV in Ingrid’s arm. 

Frido explained Ingrid’s symptoms as Alexia went into the hallway to call Mapi. Mapi had gotten a last minute ticket on a train bound for Barcelona and was already about three hours away from home. They agreed that Alexia would pick her up from the train station and drive her straight to the hospital. 

---

When Mapi walked out into the Barcelona sun she waved to Alexia who was waiting for her by her parked car. As Mapi got closer Alexia reached out to pull her into a hug. but Mapi pushed her arms away. 

“Let’s go.” She said, jaw clenched and urgency in her voice. 

“Vale.”

“Let me drive.” Mapi said, reaching out an expectant hand towards Alexia. She could not sit and do nothing anymore, not when Ingrid was sick. If she was driving then she could control something. Alexia raised her eyebrows. “Please, Ale.” 

Alexia grabbed Mapi’s outstretched hand, holding it up to both of their eyelines so that Mapi could see how much her hand was shaking. She hadn’t noticed that before. 

“No.” Alexia said, squeezing Mapi’s shoulder as she walked past her, towards the car. “I’ll drive fast.” 

Mapi ran her hand through her hair and followed. 

The ride was tense, and Mapi could not force herself to sit still. She bounced her knee and played with her fingers and rubbed the back of her neck with her hand. Finally, she broke the silence. “Is she any better?” She asked quietly 

Alexia pursed her lips and thought carefully before speaking. “She’s on an IV, so she’s getting electrolytes back in her system, but she’s still mostly just sleeping.”

Mapi nodded silently. After a minute, she asked, “Did they say what’s wrong with her?” 

“Only a viral infection. It just hit her really hard.” 

Mapi let out a loud exhale and put her head in her hands, rubbing them over her face. 

“Mapi--” Alexia started. 

“And she’s, what, she’s delirious?” 

Alexia opened her mouth and closed it again before slowly nodding. “She’s a little out of it, si.”

Mapi stared straight ahead, biting the inside of her cheek. “How did I not know?” She whispered. As the pulled up to a red light, Alexia turned in her seat, taking in her best friend’s face for the first time. Mapi had only found out that Ingrid was sick early that morning, but already looked like she was forming new wrinkle lines. Ingrid had been sick before, Alexia remembered. Something was different about this, though. A mixture of the secrets and Mapi being away and not even knowing to worry and her illness being technically technically Mapi’s fault had created a load on Mapi’s back that looked like it was about to crush her. 

She opted not to answer Mapi’s question. “Mapi?” She asked. 

“Hm?” 

“Have you eaten anything today?”

Mapi scoffed. “Of course. Can we focus?” 

“Mapi.” Alexia said, more sternly.

“I’m fine, Ale. Please, drive.” 

Alexia sighed, but focused on the road infront of her again as the light turned green. “Alright, but Ingrid’s going to mad if she finds out you skipped breakfast to get to her.” She glanced quickly at her best friend, but didn’t get a response. Mapi’s entire attention was focused out the window. 

-- 

The rest of the drive was silent. When they reached the hospital, Mapi launched herself out of the car and towards the front door, abandoning her bags in Alexia’s trunk. Alexia parked her car and made her away inside, but soon found that her best friend had not made it far at all. Mapi was arguing passionately with the front desk attendent who was blatantly refusing to give her Ingrid’s room number, explaining calmly that she could not give that information to anyone but family members. 

“Puta.” Mapi grumbled as Alexia pulled her away by the back of her shirt, apologizing to the women and directing Mapi towards Ingrid’s door. 

Mapi shoved her way inside, but the ferocity and adrenaline that had been carrying her body all day left her as she looked at her girlfriend. Ingrid was tucked into the hospital bed, curled up in the hospital issued gown, fast asleep. She had an IV in her arm and looked deathly pale and Mapi’s heart sunk at the sight of her. 

“Oh, Ing,” She whispered, sitting down in the chair beside her bed and brushing the hair off of her sweaty forehead. “Mi vida.” she whispered, pressing gentle kiss after gentle kiss to Ingrid’s temple, careful so as not to wake her from the sleep she looked like she so desperately needed. Mapi gingerly took her hand and leaned forward, pearing at her girlfriend and whispering that she loved her and that she would never leave again. 

When Frido walked in a little while later, she found Mapi in the same position, and when Mapi rose to give her a hug she waved her away, telling her to stay by Ingrid. 

“Thank you for taking such good care of her.” She said, keeping her voice low. 

“Of course. She was mine first, you know.” Frido smiled cheekily, matching Mapi’s volume. 

---

An hour later Ingrid began to wake. Her first thoughts were consumed by the pounding in her head, and she brought her free hand up to rub at her forehead hopelessly. Cracking her eyes open she looked around, trying desperately to orient herself.

Mapi was leaning towards her in an instant. “Hola princessa.” she whispered, running a hand through Ingrid’s hair. 

Ingrid looked around through tired eyes, and let out a grown as her stomach turned. 

“I know, mi amor, I know.” Mapi said, trying desperately to get a read on her girlfriend, her eyes wide and full of concern. 

“Maria?” Ingrid croaked, turning her head. 

Mapi wanted to cry at the hope in Ingrid’s eyes, and any idea that she had kept this to herself because she did not want Mapi there went out the window. 

“I’m here, mi nena.” Mapi whispered, squeezing Ingrid’s hand.  

Ingrid turned her entire body towards Mapi, eyes widening. “I missed you,” Her voice cracked. This was all that she had wanted, all that she needed, and she felt so relieved to have Mapi there to comfort her.

“I missed you too, amor. So much that it hurt.” Mapi said. 

Ingrid rolled back onto her back. “I really don’t feel well.” She said, a tear running down her cheek, and Mapi’s heart broke. 

“What can I do?” She whispered. 

“I just want you.” Ingrid choked out. 

That was all that Mapi needed to hear, and in an instant she was on the bed with Ingrid, pulling her into her so that her face sunk into Mapi’s shirt, rubbing her back carefully and whispering spanish words of affection into her ear. 

--- 

Ingrid spent the night in the hospital and Mapi refused to leave her side, although she did accept the hospital cafeteria dinner that Alexia brought her, smiling warmly at her best friend. Alexia pulled her into a tight hug before leaving them for the night.

The next morning, happy with the drop in Ingrid’s fever, the doctor discharged her on strict orders not to overexert herself. She insisted on walking to the car on her own, though, scoffing at the offered wheel chair and waving off Mapi’s assistance. Mapi hovered, hand an inch from Ingrid’s elbow as if she might collapse at any moment. 

The cab ride home was silent. Ingrid was clearly exhausted. Mapi was too, to be fair-- she’d gotten very little sleep the night before. The drive felt longer than it was, as long-awaited trips home often do. 

When they reached their apartment, Mapi opened the door for Ingrid, shooing her towards the coach and making her way into the kitchen. She opened cabinets to pull out crackers and cheese from the fridge, and heard faint Norwegian coming from the living room, a sign that a Norwegian sitcom was probably playing. She tiptoed back into towards the couch, tray balanced on her hand like a waitress. She lowered the snack onto the coffee table. 

“Aqui.” Mapi said. She stood up again to get them waters, but a hand caught hers, pulling her towards the couch. 

“Umph.” Mapi said, as she was pushed into the cushions. She laughed a little as Ingrid settled against her, telling her silently that she was going nowhere. Mapi’s hand found Ingrid’s head, massaging her scalp and running her fingers through her long, dark hair as Ingrid’s eyes fluttered closed.

--- 

Mapi let Ingrid nap. She lay perfectly still so that she could rest, not even moving to change the channel even though she could understand very little of what was playing. As she waited to wake Ingrid up for lunchtime, her mind turned the past day over in her head. Ingrid had been feeling ill, so ill, and hadn’t told her. That worried her. It hurt her, too, if she was being honest with herself. 

--- 

A reasonable hour for lunch came and went, and still Ingrid slept on Mapi’s chest. Finally, when Mapi’s stomach started to grumble, she knew that it was past time for food. 

“Despertar, sleeping beauty,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to Ingrid’s forehead. 

“Mmhm” Ingrid mumbled. 

“Time for food, si?” Mapi brushed her fingers through Ingrid’s hair again.

Ingrid rolled over, burying her head into Mapi’s chest, which vibrated with Mapi’s quiet laugh. “Come on. Let me out. You can sleep again after lunch.” 

Ingrid slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes with fist. Once she was free, Mapi stood up and moved into the kitchen. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked over her shoulder. 

“Better, I think.” Ingrid mumbles. 

“Bien.” Mapi said, making them sandwiches. She carried them out and handed Ingrid one, before sitting on the ground opposite the couch to eat hers off of the coffee table. 

“How was your family?” Ingrid asked as she took a sip of water, feeling well enough for small talk. 

“They’re good. They were worried about you.” 

Ingrid furrowed her eyebrow, almost imperceptively, but changed the subject. “Bagheera missed you.” 

Mapi smiled softly. This was the most coherent her girlfriend had been since Mapi had gotten back to Barcelona, and the first real conversation that they had shared. She had missed chatting mindlessly with her girlfriend, but she could not ignore the thoughts that niggled at the back of her head any longer. They should be addressed, she knew. 

“Ing, can we talk?” 

Ingrid rubbed her forehead with her hand and sighed. She knew that this was coming. She knew that she deserved it. She wished that she could just enjoy her girlfriend's company and be told off when her headache was gone, though. “Can we talk later?” She asked. 

“If you want.” Mapi said, moving to collect their dishes. “I just--” She cut herself off. 

“What, Maria?” Ingrid was suddenly impatient, which she knew was fully unjustified. 

“It’s fine. We’ll talk later.” 

Maybe it would be better to get it over with, Ingrid thought. “It’s ok. We can talk now.” 

Mapi put their dishes into the sink and walked back into the living room, standing a few feet infront of the couch. “Are you sure, amor?” She said. 

Ingrid sighed again, rubbing her face. “Just say it, Maria.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mapi asked, stoney faced. 

Ingrid locked her jaw. “I was ok. There was no reason to ruin your vacation.” She should own up to it. She should apologize. She knew that. 

“Sure.” Mapi rolled her eyes

“It was just a bug. I was fine.” She was digging herself deeper. Mapi scoffed. “You were fine?” She gestured wildly. “Fine people are able to keep down their meals. Fine people don’t almost pass out at training. Fine people don’t fucking end up in the hospital, Ingrid!” 

Ingrid cringed, but raised her voice, ignoring how squeaky she sounded. “I didn’t know it would go that far. I didn’t want to worry you.” 

“Worry me?” Mapi ran a hand through her hair, taking a step towards the couch. “I don’t care if you worry me. I care that you are healthy. This worried me. How do you think I felt, getting the call that my girlfriend was in the hospital?” 

That made Ingrid take a sharp breath, but she strengthened her resolve, biting back. “You didn’t need to know, ok? It was none of your business.” Ingrid spat out, not caring how little sense she made, or how her words would hurt . 

“None of my business?” Mapi laughed. “I thought loving you made it my business.” 

Ingrid rolled her eyes. 

“I need to take a breath. Just- mierda- I can’t right now.” Mapi said, stomping up the stairs. 

---

Ingrid tried to calm hearself down. She knew that Mapi was right, of course she did. She hadn’t meant to hurt her. If the roles were reversed, she would be horrified if Mapi hid an illness from her, and she knew she was being unfair. Ingrid rose from the couch to get herself a glass of water trying to calm the guilt that was slowly overwhelming her. She made her way to the kitchen and reached for a glass, but as she turned towards the sink, a wave of dizziness hit her with force, threatening to push her under water. She was suddenly leaning forward, bracing herself against the counter. As she willed the spots to fade from her vision, the glass slipped from her fingertips, shattering on the ground at her feet. 

--- 

Mapi heard something shatter. In an instant, she was on her feet, argument forgotten. Her anger was an afterthought as she rushed back downstairs and into the kitchen, quickly taking in Ingrid slumped against the counter, face ashen, broken glass at her feet. 

“Ingrid!” She exclaimed, reaching for her girlfriend. “Come her, cariño.” Mapi pulled Ingrid away from the counter, forcing her to lean on her, and slowly guided her around the glass, back through the kitchen, and to the couch. Ingrid sank into the cushions and sucked in deep breaths, leaning her head back and waiting for the world to stop spinning, as Mapi manouvered back into the kitchen, around the broken glass, and fetched her a glass of water. In an instant, she was back by Ingrid’s side, holding out the water with one hand and rubbing her arm with the other. 

“You’re ok, Ing, estás bien.” 

Ingrid nodded silently, taking the glass from her hand and taking desperate sips before turning to Mapi, tears already in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” She murmered. 

“Mi amor, Mapi said, clucking her tongue and pulling Ingrid into her chest as Ingrid’s body started to shake with sobs. 

“I’m so sorry.” Ingrid said through her cries. “I should have told you I was sick. I’m sorry I scared you.” 

“I know, amor. I forgive you.” 

Ingrid kept her head tucked against Mapi, finally letting out all of the pain and loneliness that she had felt over the last week, because really she had just wanted Mapi. 

“I thought that it would pass, and then it didn’t. I’m so sorry. I’ll do better.”

Mapi pulled Ingrid’s head away, taking her face in her hands. “All I care about is that you are healthy and happy, si?” She said, pressing a kiss to Ingrid’s forehead. “Try to calm yourself down, Ing, you do not need to make yourself sicker.” 

Ingrid nodded frantically, and focused on taking deep breaths as Mapi held her tight. “All that I wanted was you. The whole time.” She whispered, almost unintelligably. 

“You have me, mi nena. You have me.” 

---

Mapi held Ingrid close to her the rest of the day and watched movies with her until the evening came. Seeing Ingrid hurt, seeing her cry, drained all of the anger out of Mapi’s body in an instant. She knew that she was sorry and that she had messed up. She could forgive her. God, she forgave her the moment she heard the glass break. They ordered pizza for dinner and ate it on the couch, and Mapi brought Ingrid upstairs and tucked her into bed before the sun had even set. 

“Goodnight, mi vida.” Mapi whispered, pressing a kiss to Ingrid’s temple. 

She delicately shut the door behind her and tiptoed back down the stairs. Carefully, Mapi cleaned up the glass still shattered on the kitchen floor, sweeping the shards delicately into a paper bag. She texted Alexia and Frido with an update, and started to get herself ready for bed. 

Soon after, she slipped under the covers next to Ingrid, pulling her girlfriend into her side. Even before she had known that Ingrid was sick, she had yearned for her. Next time she would have to drag Ingrid to Zaragoza with her, she decided with a smile. After this, Ingrid could hardly argue. 

[barcarsenal12]

Hello my friends,

🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸❤🤍💚🖤

I am Mohammed Ayyad from Gaza Al-Shuja'iyya

,

I have sought refuge with you because of the devastating war that caused me to lose my home and my mother and we were displaced from one place to another and lost my children's future and there is a severe shortage of basic materials,

I have sought refuge with you so that I can provide a decent and safe life for me and my family consisting of my wife and my children Yasser, Omar, Maryam, Jana and Sarah, each of them has dreams but unfortunately they have lost hope and despair is controlling them,

I hope that you will stand by us either by donating if possible or sharing widely,

Thank you very much

🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸❤🤍💚🖤

noting that my son Omar has a Tumblr account under the name @m430235341 and it was checked and I had an account under the name @mohammadayyad and it was also checked but I was surprised today that it was banned so today I created a new account under the name @mohammadyaser1980, please check it and thank you 5, @mohammadayyad’s fundraiser. As of posting they’ve been able to raise €12,143 of their €35,000 goal.This fundraiser has been vetted by @/inthefaceofada

https://gofund.me/e7c7528a

^^^^^^^^^

Please help out if you can (even if it’s just reposting)

🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

[barcarsenal12]

Girls like girls (barca femeni x teen reader)

summary: r is coming to terms with her sexuality, and has an emotional talk with her three older teammates.

TW: coming out, questioning sexuality

Your world was falling apart around you, and there was nothing that you could do about it. 

It had started with a theoretical what if. What if you liked girls? The if made you think. How would you know? Suddenly you were flipping through your memories, looking for signs. Every moment that you spiraled, the impossible was becoming more possible. You were in too deep, tipping into territory you didn’t want to enter, places you couldn’t come back from. You wished that you had never asked yourself the question in the first place. 

You were so confused. This was something that other people were, not you. It never crossed your mind, of course, as something bad when your teammates were gay. For some unexplainabe reason it felt like the end of the world to admit that you were, though. 

--- 

Your mind felt so full of thoughts that you thought it might burst. You couldn’t sleep. You couldn’t eat. Your teamates watched concerned as your concentration wavered in training, and when you started to snap at them, Alexia pulled you aside. 

“What’s going on with you?” She asked sternly.

“Nothing.” You pulled your arm out her grip and turned away. “I’m fine.” 

“You don’t seem fine.” She snapped back. 

“I am.” You crossed your arm. 

“Come on, Y/N.” Alexia said. “Talk to me.”

“As my captain?” You asked, eyebrows raised. 

“As your friend.”

“I told you, amiga, I’m fine.” You turned to walk away, but she spun you around to face her, jaw locked. 

“Ok then. As you captain, I’m telling you to get your shit together.” You rolled your eyes at her, and walked away. 

--- 

That night, you dreamed that you were married to a woman. You had kids and a house and everything felt so perfect, life was so good and you were so happy. Until you woke up, and it dawned on you that you were really and truly queer, and you felt like you wanted to disappear.  

---

The next day in training, you didn’t talk to anyone. Your teammates were becoming increasingly worried, but gave you the space that it seemed you required. 

As silly as it sounded, you didn’t want them to know that you were gay. You knew, of course, that they would accept you, but the idea that they would see you differently sickened you. They would put you in a box-- even if they were also in that box. You would be a different you from the you they knew yesterday. 

These thoughts rolled over and over in your mind, slowly overwhelming you and dragging you under. It all hit you at once, like one big wave, how much your life was going to have to change. One moment, you were passing with Ona, watching Ingrid and Mapi share a water bottle across the pitch. The next, your ears were ringing and you were in a dead sprint back towards the locker. You threw yourself down onto the bench, and buried your head in your arms, body shaking with sobs. You heard someone else come in, and registered a hand rubbing soothing circles on your back, but couldn’t bring yourself to look up.

“Shhh”, Mapi cooed, “Que paso?”

You shook your head. You couldn’t verbalize it-- how fucked up you were. How much you wanted a piece of yourself to go away and leave you be. You couldn’t tell this to your teammates, not when they were this way too and you loved them so dearly regardless. How insulting would it sound? How hurt would they be? 

You pushed Mapi away and stumbled across the room, but didn’t make it far because the mere sight of Ingrid and Alexia walking through the locker room door, Alexia's arms outstretched motioning for you to breathe, was enough to make you crumple to the ground. Your sobs deepend, racking your whole body. You wanted to be left alone. You wanted to go back to a month ago when you didn’t have to face this. Could you ever go back? 

You felt hands on your back and hands on your face, rubbing and comforting and whispering to you that you were ok, that you were loved, that they needed you to come back to them. That only made you cry harder. What would they think if they knew how much you hated something that was inside of them too? Your mind was rolling over and curling in on itself and it felt like you were spinning. There were too many layers to dig through and you were drowning. 

Two strong hands gripped your own and Alexia’s voice broke through the haze, speaking sternly to you. 

“Breath, pequeña. Tell me what is going on.” 

Your brought your eyes up to meet hers and she looked at you with such kindness. Before you knew what was happening, you were throwing yourself into your arms. “I’m gay.” You cried. 

The three women sitting beside you swallowed their shock, agreeing to save that for later, and turned their attention to you. “Oh, cariño,” Alexia started as she brushed hair away from your forehead. You were sobbing again, though, burying your head in your arms. 

“I don’t want to be different, Ale,” you sobbed, “I just want to go back. I don’t want to be this way.” 

Alexia looked at Ingrid and Mapi over your head, all three wearing matching heartbroken expressions. They weren’t insulted, not even a little. They weren’t mad that you felt this way because they understood, of course they understood. As they looked at you, each women saw a smaller version of themselves, a version that they hadn’t thought about in a very, very long time. A version where this was new, and as scary to them as it was to you now. 

“I know, love.” Alexia whispered into your hair, rubbing your back. “You’re not different, I promise, nena. I am here. I know. Estás bien.” 

Slowly, the tears slowed down and you lifted your head to meet the gazes of your friends. You took in their expressions and the way that Ingrid clutched Mapi’s hand in her lap, and what you had said finally registered in your brain. You clamped a hand over your mouth. 

“I didn’t mean-- I don’t--” you stammered, trying to undo the damage that you were sure you had done. 

“It’s ok.” Alexia smiled at you. “We are not sad because we think you look down on us. We are sad because you look down on yourself.” 

Ingrid moved forward, taking your face in her hands and planting a kiss on your forehead. “I know it is scary. Trust me, I know.” She said with a short laugh. “But you are not alone, si?”

“I don’t want my life to change.” You whispered. 

Alexia looked at Mapi with a frown, and you followed her gaze, turning around to find Mapi biting her lip and staring at the ceiling, still gripping tightly to Ingrid’s hand.

“Map?” Alexia asked.

“Mierda.” Mapi cursed quietly, bringing her head down and rubbing her eyes with her palms. 

You looked on, horrified. You had never, ever seen Mapi cry, and now you were sure that you had upset her so much with your words that you had brought her to tears. 

“Maria.” Ingrid whispered, puting one hand comfortingly on her thigh and gesturing at your stunned expression with the other. 

Mapi looked at you, and realized what you were thinking. “No. No! Y/N, I’m not mad at you.” She said, as tears leaked down her face, matching your own. “Shit.” She said, bringing her hand up to wipe at her eyes aggressively, clearly frustrated by her own emotions. “I just, I swear to god, I look at you and I see myself.” 

You looked at her, confused.

She sighed. “Everything that you just described, I felt. When I was your age. I was terrified. I didn’t feel pride. I didn’t get what was happening to me.” Her voice cracked. Alexia nodded knowingly, and you looked between them. “When I came out to Ale,” Mapi waved generally in Alexia’s direction, trying to get a grip on herself, “I cried so hard that I almost threw up.” 

Your jaw dropped. “You?” You looked at Alexia for confirmation, and she nodded again. “It’s true. It's the only time I’ve ever seen her cry. Well, except for right now.”

“Callarse.” Mapi grumbled. “You’re not much better, you came out by text.” 

Alexia grimaced, and you looked at her, eyes wide.

“Listen, Pequeña,” Mapi said, taking your hand in hers, “I know that it is scary. That’s because it is new, and you still have to get used to the idea. No one is asking you to scream anything to the rooftops. This does not even have to be a part of your identity, any more than being straight was, if you do not want it to” 

You swallowed heavily. Ingrid chimed in, and your head turned to look at her. “It is hard right now, and I know it sucks, but it’s better to get the chance to really, truly love than to live a lie.”

“And look at me! Now I get a hot girlfriend.” Mapi said, poking Ingrid in the cheek, who took Mapi’s hand in her own and held it tight, rolling her eyes. You giggled, and the three women smiled.

“You will be just fine. I promise.” Alexia said, pulling you into her side and pressing a kiss to your hair. “Plus, men are gross.” She whispered into your head, crinkling up her nose in mock disgust. The other two did the same, and you giggled again. You watched silently as Ingrid reached up to wipe the stray tears from Mapi’s cheek, her eyebrows furrowed in concern, and felt a yearning in your chest so deep that you knew you could not be misled. How could this be wrong? How could they be wrong? 

A/N this is very much based on my experiences of reckoning with a huge change in your identity. Even if you are very much not homophobic, it is hard to realize that others will now put you in a box. I remember so clearly these feelings from when I was young. I hope this makes sense to other people, too!

[barcarsenal12]

You postet something for Vicky’s birthday right?

I can’t find it anymore :(

Can you link it please? Thanks xx

Hi!

Yes, i took it down :(

I felt a little weird writing about someone still so young, especially in a way that was so personal/ a little suggestive.

Sorry! <3

[barcarsenal12]

hey girly! first of all your sick day fic was unbelievable, it was so good! How about we have a part 2 where Ingrid gets sick but she’s good at hiding it and it results in her passing out at either training or in a match and then mapi becomes extremely worried and takes care of her? Of course you can twist this request in any way you want!

Thank youuuuu! I went off the request a little, but here it is! Part 3 will have plenty of Mapi comfort/ taking care of Ingrid, don't you worry. I hope you like it!

find it here

[barcarsenal12]

Soon you'll get better (Sickday pt 2)

Sickday pt 2:

As Mapi recovers and leaves on a trip, Ingrid realizes that she caught her illness. She refuses to ruin her girlfriend's trip by telling her, and fends for herself-- until it has gone too far. (Lots of angst, but also lotsss of hurt/comfort. Mostly Frido!)

TW: sick, throwing up, lightheaded

Mapi was contagious, as it turned out, because just as she as starting to regain color in her cheeks and keep food down, Ingrid started to pick up symptoms. Ingrid always felt the same when she was becoming sick, so when she woke up with a headache and a lump in her throat, she knew right away that she was in for it. 

All that she wanted was to roll over and bury her face in Mapi’s shirt. Usually, that was the first thing that she would do in the morning, using her girlfriend’s body to block out the light streaming in through the blinds. Today, though, when she instinctively reached her hand out, stretching her fingers to Mapi’s side of the bed, she was met with empty space. She lifted her head to squint at the bed next to her, before flopping onto her pillow and rolling onto her back with a groan. 

Mapi had gone to visit her family, Ingrid remembered as she woke up further. The trip had been planned for months, and with Mapi feeling well enough to travel, she had left the night before for Zaragoza. She would be back in a week. Until then, Ingrid was alone. Ingrid sat up on her elbows and reached for her phone, checking the time. It was an off day, which Ingrid was grateful for. She would have the time to let her body do it’s thing. Hopefully she would be better tomorrow. 

Ingrid got out of bed and dragged herself to the bathroom, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she went. She leaned against the sink and look at herself in the mirror, noticing how pale he skin looked and the bags under her eyes. She thought, briefily, that this was the exact place her girlfriend had been a week earlier moments before she had passed out. Ingrid closed her eyes and hoped that whatever illness Mapi had had, Ingrid had caught a lesser version.  She brushed her teeth and hair and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. 

Ingrid made herself a piece of toast and a smoothie. Although she had no appetite and her stomach protested the entire time, she forced herself to finish both, thinking that getting some food in her might make her feel better. She thought briefly about calling Mapi because all that she really wanted was to hear her voice, but she pictured her girlfriend at the dinner table with her parents who she had missed so terribly this year, or napping with her childhood dog again, or laughing with her brother, and she couldn’t bring herself to do it. If Mapi knew that Ingrid was sick-- much less that she had gotten Ingrid sick-- she would want to fly straight home. Even if she could convince Mapi not to cut her vacation short, Mapi would worry. She wouldn’t be relaxing, not like she deserved. Her heart was with Ingrid, always, but her head needed to be with her family. Besides, there was no point freaking Mapi out if she was feeling better by tomorrow. A few tears slipped down Ingrid’s face. She was determined not to bother Mapi, but she wanted her girlfriend. Bad. And she was starting to feel really awful. 

Ingrid eventually managed to drag herself over to the couch, where she spent the rest of the day watching old matches and petting Bagheera. She responded to Mapi’s texts with enthusiasm but avoided her calls, distracting her with pictures of Bagheera in exchange for pictures of Mapi’s family dog. She skipped lunch, but practically force fed herself leftover fried rice from the fridge before getting ready for bed two hours earlier than normal. She buried her face in her pillow and tried to pretend it was Mapi, before falling into a very fitful sleep. 

Ingrid woke up in the middle of the night and just barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up her dinner. She brushed her teeth again and pulled one of Mapi’s sweatshirts over her pajamas before climbing back into bed, and sinking into her girlfriend’s familiar smell. She missed Mapi, and she needed her so much that it hurt. So much that more tears crept into her eyes. 

---

The next morning, Ingrid had to force herself to get out of bed to get ready for training. She didn’t feel like she had to throw up and she had called out of training all last week to take care of Mapi, so she decided that it was not worth staying home. She felt well enough to practice. She was fatigued and sore and a little dizzy, but she wasn’t bedridden. If she ignored the headache creeping back behind her eyes, she could struggle through the day. Better to save a sickday for when she really needed it. 

Ingrid dragged herself to the bathroom and brushed her teeth, slicking her thick, dark hair into a simple ponytail before pulling a training top over her head. She looked at herself in the mirror, but couldn’t find it in her to care how sickly she looked. She made herself a smoothie for breakfast and forced herself to keep it down as she got in the car and drove herself to the training ground. 

--- 

Ingrid walked into the changing room and immediately made her way over to her cubby, setting her bag down in her locker and digging through it. She found what she was looking for-- a small pill bottle-- and swallowed two aspirin before sitting down on the bench. 

The locker room was crowded and energetic, as always before training, and she hoped that her lack of enthusiasm would go unnoticed. Alexia noticed, of course, clocking Ingrid’s entrance, her slumped shoulders, and the bags under her eyes. 

“Hey, Engen,” She said, sitting down beside Ingrid on the bench. She kept her voice down, not wanting to draw the group’s attention to Ingrid if she was upset. “You ok?”

“Just not feeling well.” Ingrid told her. 

“Where’s Mapi?” Alexia asked, “has she been hovering?” 

“No.” Ingrid sighed, wishing that her girlfriend was there to hover. “She’s away visiting her parents this week.” 

“Oh.” Alexia said, remember Mapi talking about the trip. Then, her eyebrows furrowed. “She left you home alone when you were sick?” Ingrid gave Alexia a guilty look. “You didn’t tell her.” Alexia sighed. 

“I did not want her to worry. She was so excited to visit her family.” Ingrid put her head in her hands, and rubbed at her eyes. “I’ll be ok.” Alexia didn’t look convinced. “Please, Ale, don’t tell her. I’m fine, really. It’ll blow over in a day, and you know that she will insist on coming home.” 

Alexia bit her lip, thinking. “You’re sure you’re ok without her?” She asked softly. 

Ingrid looked at Alexia with tired eyes. “I’m alright.” 

Alexia pursed her lips, and handed Ingrid a water bottle. “Drink lots of fluids.” 

“Thanks, Ale.” Ingrid said quietly, smiling up at her captain. It was nice to feel taken care of, and she was grateful to Alexia for showing that she cared, especially when the person whose job it was to care about Ingrid was miles away.

Once everyone was ready, they made their way to the pitch. They had a session out on the field followed by a session in the gym. It wouldn’t be an easy day-- the day after a day off never was. Ingrid felt out of breath during the warm ups, but she held her own fairly well in the rondo. She could feel Alexia’s eyes on her as they did technical drills, and Ingrid knew that her movements were not nearly as precise as they were expected to be. It was a testament to Alexia’s concern for Ingrid that she hadn’t scolded her for her sloppiness, and she looked far more worried than annoyed when Ingrid sent her 5th mistimed pass to Ona. 

Ingrid wanted to go home. She wanted to take a shower. She wanted to go to sleep. She wanted Mapi. Instead she forced the bile rising in her throat down, and listened carefully as Jona explained that they would be playing a five a side match. 

Ingrid got into place alongside her teammates and willed herself to make it through the match so that she could go into the gym where it was, at the very least, air conditioned. Her crosses were too long or two short and she was almost constantly out of position, and very quickly she stopped focusing on trying to play her best and started focusing on keeping the pounding in her head from overwhelming her. 

She lost the ball to the opposing team, who passed it back and looked for an opening to move into the box. Suddenly Frido was running at her with the ball, passing it forward to Selma. 

Ingrid stumbled, and Frido caught her by the forearms, holding her up. “Ingrid?” 

“I’m ok.” Ingrid mumbled. As she spoke, her knees gave out and Frido moved a hand to her waist to steady her, eyebrows shooting into the air. Ingrid pulled herself back up. As she tried to take a step, her knees buckled again and she slumped forward into Frido’s arms, eyes fluttering shut. 

“Woah, woah, I got you.” Frido said, surprised at the sudden weight that she was supporting. “Let’s get you to the bench.” Frido practically carried Ingrid to the side of the pitch, and the next thing Ingrid knew she was sitting down on cool metal. Her ears were ringing and her vision was spotty, and as she moved her head side to side the world moved on a split second delay. 

She flinched as someone pressed a waterbottle into her hand, urging her to take small sips. She drank, and unconsciously leaned further into Frido’s side. Frido ran a hand up and down Ingrid’s arm, and Ingrid leaned her head down, trying to take deep breaths to steady herself. “I’m fine. I just need a moment.” She told Frido. 

Frido scoffed, and Ingrid turned her head to look at her. “I’m taking you to the physios.” Frido told her, leaving no room for questions. 

Ingrid pursed her lips, but nodded. “I know.”

--- 

Ingrid tried to wave Frido off after she helped her up, but Frido still insisted on keeping a hand on Ingrid’s arm the entire walk to the physio’s room, like she could collapse at any moment. 

The physio sat her on the bench, and gave her a glass of water before examining her. He had her follow his finger with her eyes. “Let me look at your throat.” He told her. Ingrid opened her mouth, and he shone a light down her throat. “It’s a little irritated. What are your other symptoms?” 

Ingrid honestly reported all of the symptoms that she had experienced over the last day and a half while Frido watched, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. When she was finished he scribbled something on a clipboard, speaking without looking up. “You have the same thing that Ms. Leon had last week. It’s a viral infection, so I can’t give you anything for it. We have to let your body do it’s thing.” He clicked his pen and looked up at her. “Go home, rest, and drink lots of fluids. You can treat your headaches with aspirin if necessary, otherwise stick to home remedies. It should pass in a few days.” He smiled sympathetically. “I’m sorry I can’t do more for you, but you’ll feel better soon.” 

Ingrid thanked the physio and Frido walked her out to her car, promptly taking her keys out of her hand. “Frido!” She exclaimed. 

“I’m driving you home, and I’m helping you get settled. Lucy already agreed to pick me up when she is finished training.” Frido told her. 

---

Frido tucked Ingrid into bed and kissed the top of her head before walking into the kitchen to make Ingrid lunch. She checked the cabinets, and found that they had all of the ingredients for the swedish soup that Frido’s mother had always made her when she was sick as a child. 45 minutes later, she poured a bowl of soup for her best friend and put the rest in a tupperware in the fridge, assuming that Ingrid was not going to want to cook much when she was feeling this ill. 

She peaked her head through the door, and finding Ingrid curled up but still awake, she pushed her way into the bedroom. 

“I brought you soup!” She said, holding the bowl out infront of her with a grin, and pulling a spoon out from behind her back like it was a surprise. 

“Thanks, Frido.” Ingrid smiled, taking the bowl from her hands and eating small spoonfuls. “It’s really good.” She mumbled. 

“Oh, Ing. You’re really not feeling well, are you.” Frido asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed and brushing the babyhairs off of Ingrid’s sweaty forehead. Ingrid gently shook her head. 

“Poor thing.” Frido clicked her tongue. “Is Mapi coming home early?” 

Ingrid’s face dropped. “She doesn’t know.”

“Ingrid!” Frido exclaimed, her voice accusing. 

“I don’t want to worry her. Please don’t tell.” Ingrid pleaded, looking up at Frido with guilty eyes. 

“I won’t tell anyone anything. I would want to know if the person I loved was sick, though, regardless of how worried it made me.” 

Ingrid bit her lip. She really did miss Mapi, and talking about her only made her feel worse. “She’ll be home soon. I’ll tell her then.” She whispered. 

Frido sighed, but picked up on the cue that Ingrid wanted her to move on. “I’ll stay with you until she gets home, si?” 

“No, Frido, I’m fine.” 

“Ing-” 

“I’m fine. It’s just a bug.”

Frido clenched her jaw, thinking. “Alright, you can stay alone for now. But the moment you feel a little worse, you tell me and I’m staying here, ok?” 

“Ok.” Ingrid mumbled. The doorbell rang, signaling that Lucy was there to pick Frido up. Ingrid looked at the door, and back at Ingrid with a sigh. She pressed a kiss to Ingrid’s forehead and stood up.

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning after training with breakfast for you. There’s more soup in the fridge if you get hungry.” 

“Thanks, Frido. Thanks for taking care of me” Ingrid said. 

Frido stood in the doorway and looked at Ingrid, biting the inside of her cheek. “You sure you’re ok on your own?” 

“Mhm.” Ingrid nodded slowly. “Love you.” 

“Love you too. Feel better.” Frido gently shut the door behind her, and made her way out of the apartment. 

--- 

Ingrid slept for a few hours before she was woken to the ringing of her phone. She rolled onto her side and flipped her phone over, revealing Mapi’s screen saver in the center of the screen. It was one thing to not mention feeling sick-- it was another entirely to ignore your girlfriend, so Ingrid cleared her throat a few times and picked up the phone. She wasn’t hoarse, so it would be hard for Mapi to tell that she wasn’t feeling well from over the phone. 

“Cariño! How are you?” Mapi asked. “I’m ok, a little tired. How is your family?” 

“They are good! I am having such a great time, I did not realize how much I missed them.” Mapi said, before launching into a detailed retelling of the prank that her and her brother had played on their parents the night before. Ingrid listened happily, smiling widely at her girlfriend’s familiar voice. She was starting to feel her stomach turn, though, and knew that she would have to get off the phone in a minute. 

“I miss you so much it hurts, Maria. Te amo.”  

Mapi’s eyebrows shot up at the sudden statement. “I miss you more, my love. I’ll be home soon. Is everything ok?” 

Ingrid bit her lip. “Mhm.” She mumbed.  “Frido’s coming over soon, so I should go. Say hello to everyone for me, ok?” 

“Si. Adios amor.” Mapi ran a hand through her hair. She could tell that something was wrong, but she decided not to push it.

“Talk to you later.” She hung up the phone and promptly ran to the bathroom, throwing up last night’s dinner into the toilet. 

--- 

Ingrid brushed her teeth and splashed cold water on her face, before dragging herself to the couch. With the exception of the two hours that she was training, she had spent so much time in her bed recently that she was sure that her body had left a permanent dent. She felt awful. So awful. Her stomach hurt and her head was pounding and she wanted to curl into a ball and fade into nothingness. It was not lost on her that this was the same couch that Mapi had found herself on when Ingrid was caring for her a week earlier. It felt like years ago. 

Half an hour later, Frido used her key to open the door to Ingrid’s apartment and make her way inside. She found Ingrid tucked into the corner of the couch-- pathetically, Ingrid was sure-- watching a Norweigien rom com. 

“How are you feeling?” Frido asked brightly.

“I’m ok.” Ingrid smiled, and hoped that it didn’t look like a grimace. “How was training?” 

“Good. Fitness testing.” Frido pulled a face. “All of the girls send their love. I brought you a croissant.” She handed Ingrid a brown paper bag, the top folded over and sealed. 

“Thank you.” Ingrid said, as Frido walked casually into the kitchen and came back to the couch with a plate for her to eat off of. Frido settled next to her and they switched the TV to an old match. Ingrid forced small bites of the croissant down her throat and listened to Frido chatter on about training. 

Suddenly, nausea was hitting her in waves, crashing over her again and again. Ingrid slowly set the plate on the coffee table and leaned her head back, trying to breath, and fighting against the urge to throw up. 

“Are you ok?” Frido asked, noticing the change in her demeanor. Ingrid raised a hand up to wave her off, sinking further into the cushions. Frido frowned, and brought a hand up to wipe the sweat off of Ingrid’s brow. All at once, Ingrid was on her feet and rushing to the bathroom, Frido fast on her heels. 

“Oh, sweet girl.” She said sympathetically, leaning down behind her to hold her hair up as Ingrid threw up her breakfast. She rubbed Ingrid’s back as she slumped down against the toilet. Slowly, she helped her lean up against the opposite wall, and left to get her a glass of water. When she returned, Ingrid was back by the toilet, spitting stomach acid into the bowl. 

“Shhh. You’re ok.” Frido comforted. “Are you done?” Ingrid shook her head, throwing up again. When she was finished, Frido handed her the water and sat with her on the bathroom floor, telling her to drink. 

“Is that the first time you’ve thrown up?” She asked. Ingrid pursed her lips, and shook her head no. 

“How many times?”

“Four or five, maybe.” 

Frido breathed in sharply. “I’m staying with you. You shouldn’t be alone.” Ingrid sighed, before nodding and leaning her head on Frido’s shoulders. 

--- 

The next two days, Frido’s concern for Ingrid only grew. She had been throwing up so much that she was now just heaving over the toilet, nothing left in her stomach. She had hardly eaten anything since Frido had been staying with her. Whatever she did eat she threw up an hour later, and Frido was sure that she was losing weight. Frido had been checking her temperature every night, and it was steadily rising. She was getting desperate, and knew that it was reaching the point where they couldn’t keep this from Mapi any longer. 

---

The breaking point came that night, when Frido went to check on Ingrid in her bedroom, thermomator in hand. 

“Ingrid,” She called, moving to Ingrid’s bedside. Ingrid’s face was sweaty, and she had kicked the blankets to the end of the bed, curling up under a single sheet. Still, she was shivering, like her body couldn’t tell if it was freezing or dangerously overheated. Frido was immediately on high alert-- Ingrid had felt awful for days, but now she looked different, more confused and shaken. she had never seen Ingrid like this, and it didn’t seem like she had even registered Frido’s entrance.  

“Ing,” She said again, firmly. “Let me take your temperature.” 

Ingrid looked at her with glassy eyes, and squirmed as Frido put a hand on her forehead. “I want Maria.” She mumbled, almost incoherently. She looked around the room, but wasn’t taking anything in, eyes unable to focus and brain jumbled from the fever. 

“Ingrid, hey, can you hear me?” Frido asked, as Ingrid continued to move around. She placed a hand on Ingrid’s sweaty cheek. “Open your mouth.” Ingrid complied, and Frido put the thermometer under her tongue. Ingrid’s eyes fluttered shut and she lay still as Frido took the device out of her mouth, and read the numbers with a gasp. 

“Mierda.” She cursed. The numbers were too high, way too high, and always-put-together Ingrid looked so out of it, and Frido was starting to freak out. “Shit, Ingrid, I think I need to take you to the hospital.” 

“Can you call Mapi?” Ingrid mumbled. 

“Soon, elskling. Just give me a minute.” 

Frido walked out of the room, phone in her hand and Alexia’s contact already pulled up. Alexia did not answer the first time she called, but picked up the second time.

“Alexia.” Frido breathed in relief.

“Frido? What’s going on?” Alexia asked, concern in her voice at Frido’s tone.

“Ingrid’s really sick. She’s hasn’t kept a meal down in days, her fever is way too high, and she’s completely out of it. I think that she needs to go to the hospital.”

Alexia let out a sharp breath. “What do you mean she’s out of it?” 

“I don’t think she even knows where she is.”

“Dios mio. Ok. I’m on my way.” Frido heard her moving around, grabbing her keys from over the phone. “Call Mapi.”

Frido sighed, dreading having to be the one to break the news. 

A/N: Part 3 coming!