bbsuemyszak-blog

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Iceland Adventure

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

Innerstream

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

If this depression doesn’t kill me then idk what will. The littlest things just keep breaking and triggering me. No one understands how NOT okay i am. No one is taking my cry for helps seriously. I don’t know what to even do anymore. In all the 7 years that I have been diagnosed with severe depression this is by far the worse. And like i said, once again... no one even notices how badly im drowning. I feel so alone and helpless. I really don’t want to go home and be alone tonight, or any night. I’m so scared of leaving myself alone because that’s when i get worse, that’s when i start struggling to continue on. Yanno how many times I check in on people and ask if they are doing okay but how many times does anyone ask me? Zero... zero times. I really don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting this and pushing forward, i just don’t know anymore.

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

I just want to feel okay again..

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

[bbsuemyszak-blog]

Intro

Know one quite understands how much I’m drowning. How the pills and comfort just isn’t cutting it anymore. I have so many people trying to be there for me yet I feel so deeply alone. I have nothing to even complain about, nothing is even wrong, but for some reason I just feel so god damn numb. Like I’m unable to feel anything.. I don’t feel happy, sad, anger, regret, joyfulness, I think simply feel empty. People ask me why and they just don’t understand that I have no answer. I cry and scream yelling at a god who I don’t even believe in anymore, begging him to let me feel something. To feel anything would be better than nothing. I have reached a whole new level of depression, a whole new level of trying to survive. I feel like a ticking time bomb, just waiting for the emotions to all hit me at once. So here I am, pouring my soul out onto this blog because no one else gets it, no one else understands. But even if they did understand their is nothing they could do to help me and that’s one thing I want them to always know. Never to feel like they could have done more, because they couldn’t have. They did everything they could to try and keep my sane but there’s a point where nothing works anymore. - B.M.