bentonthegay - Tumblr blog

[bentonthegay]

This is probably a really "small" thing but it makes me so uncomfortable getting Tumblr notifs that label people I follow as "my crush"

"serious awesomeness from your crush!" Is the most recent one. Just. Why? Yucky

[bentonthegay]

to all my trans mascs:

who have many other gender identities

who identify as lesbian

who are nonbinary

who are binary

who are feminine

who are masculine

who don’t fit into the stereotypical idea of trans masc (eg. tons of masc traits and instead have fem traits)

who love being feminine

who love being masculine

who are androgynous

who are genderfluid

who are aspec

who are allosexual

who are bisexual

who are straight

who are poc

who are chubby

who plan on transitioning/or have already done so

who don’t want to transition

who kept their birth names

who changed their

SHOUT OUT ALL TRANS MASC!!!

[bentonthegay]

[bentonthegay]

had so much fun drawing and coloring the lingerie here!! another commission 🖤☁️

[bentonthegay]

[bentonthegay]

Self diagnosis/very very strong suspicion can be SO important to getting a diagnosis and the help you need like omg. If people just stopped doing that, I bet a lot more would suffer because of how hard it is to get diagnosed as things, especially neurodiversity as an adult. They'd be more likely to give up I feel like after the first...second..third attempt at not being taken seriously.

The first time I had any idea I may be neurodiverse, I was like 17? Brought it up to my therapist at the time and it was.. awful. I brought up autism because at the time I wasn't extremely informed on ADHD. She literally laughed at me before I even had a chance to tell her my reasonings and said "my son is autistic, you're not autistic". I shut down so fast and became terrified to bring it up again.

(longer below cut)

Later down the line, my issues became more and more apparent. I had multiple people with ADHD be like "have you ever considered...". I struggled with feeling "stupid" "lazy", etc etc. Because I had nothing to go off of other than my failed attempts at person-ing and feeling something must be wrong with me.

Then it took me well over a year of CONSTANTLY harassing my primary care provider multiple times to get me set up to a fuckin evaluation. (Someone in office was able to do so). And the kicker is that she only took it seriously after I got my GED and was struggling really hard in college with 0 accomodations. I told her I was falling behind and suddenly the gas pedal was pushed.

The evaluation was mostly fine until the CPTSD came into play. "It's almost impossible to differentiate between ADHD and CPTSD from early childhood". My heart sank and I thought that was it, that I was fucked because I got fucked up as a small child. But thankfully he still diagnosed me (ADHD combined type) but "had" to add the CPTSD makes it hard to differentiate and reccomended trying ADHD meds.

Yeah still dropped out of college because the college expected me to get this massive form filled out by my doctor in an extremely limited amount of time because it would have been "too late to get any extra accomodations". I wasn't going to grind myself into dust sobbing over being overwhelmed without help like I did to myself throughout school until I dropped out. Maybe if I had been taken seriously sooner 🥴

If you think self diagnosing is invalid, I hope you're willing to pay for literally everyone's diagnosis.

Including the actual evaluation, the transportation there and back, possible lost time off work, etc.

[bentonthegay]

[bentonthegay]

reddit is having a glitch where it puts the wrong captions over photos and it’s the only thing i care about right now

[bentonthegay]

Fuckin for real, something I've literally never understood about so many adults, especially ones that are on the younger side (20s, 30s).

It's like they literally forget what it was like to be a kid/teen, or their experiences as a kid/teen themselves were very not great and sheltered.

you cant ever let yourself forget what it felt like to be 15. how adults treated you. being treated without a shred of respect because people think youre too young to have thoughts and feelings of your own. the lack of autonomy. you cant ever forget that because if you do you might become the kind of adult who treats kids like theyre not people

[bentonthegay]

Something I had to learn to do for my own well-being: pacing myself.

ADHD makes this really hard. Because of the "if I stop I won't get anything else done" but that was extremely detrimental to me. If I WAYYY overdo it too quickly, I won't get anything else done anyways, possibly for days. My chronic pain gets so bad that I'm in tears and hella swollen. So by pacing myself I'm reducing that to a decent degree.

I combine to-do lists, "done lists" and reasonable goals to help me achieve this. Sure it might take me ALL day to get my goal of "do half the list" done, but it takes pressure off of me. The list showing me everything (that I think of) that needs done helps me see the tasks, and depending on my pain and energy levels, I can see which tasks are the most do-able to me. There's times I can get half the list done in one go because they're low energy/low pain causing tasks, then towards the evening I may be able to knock out one bigger task or a few others from my list.

It's not perfect by any means, but my habit of trying to get everything done and burning the fuck out for days with awful pain isn't any better. I'm learning to not feel guilty at not being perfect. My chronic pain won't get any better if I push myself too hard. If I destroy my body even more, I won't get anything done.

(also learning to only put things on the list that need done sooner, or making a separate "master list" to help me make smaller lists)

[bentonthegay]

It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!

[bentonthegay]

Greg's wrinkles lol. Bro getting old

OBSESSED with this new su signing poster. pearl holding greg just because. slightly older steven with attempts at growing out facial hair. the little pebble in the corner. garnet criss-crossed on greg’s van. lapis’ pants riding down so low you can see her hip. bismuth with that muscle definition. connie’s preppy outfit. peridot’s blank glasses.

[bentonthegay]

This is an ADHD thing!?!?

When I finally got my GED at 21 after less than 8 weeks after technically dropping out at 14, 16 if you count failed attempts at online school, I expected to feel a lot happier about it. I had been stressed for so long about it, worried I wasn't "smart enough", etc etc. Only to pass with flying colors faster than most people... And I felt happy, yeah. But I was also expecting more

And maybe it's also because I was hoping the people in my life would be excited for me, would celebrate with me. Something. Anything. So I felt angry, I felt like it didn't actually matter.

So I think part of my issue is that I struggle to feel accomplished if the people I love just kind of ignore it or don't acknowledge the hard work I put into something, especially when they know how hard I struggle.

If I were to clean the whole house in a day, being left in horrible pain and exhaustion, and not a damn word was said about it by my partner? I'd be so upset 💀

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

[bentonthegay]

This is an ADHD thing!?!?

When I finally got my GED at 21 after less than 8 weeks after technically dropping out at 14, 16 if you count failed attempts at online school, I expected to feel a lot happier about it. I had been stressed for so long about it, worried I wasn't "smart enough", etc etc. Only to pass with flying colors faster than most people... And I felt happy, yeah. But I was also expecting more

And maybe it's also because I was hoping the people in my life would be excited for me, would celebrate with me. Something. Anything. So I felt angry, I felt like it didn't actually matter.

So I think part of my issue is that I struggle to feel accomplished if the people I love just kind of ignore it or don't acknowledge the hard work I put into something, especially when they know how hard I struggle.

If I were to clean the whole house in a day, being left in horrible pain and exhaustion, and not a damn word was said about it by my partner? I'd be so upset 💀

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

[bentonthegay]

Hi OP, i know your post wasn't about america, but can we please talk about america? this also applies to America, hey did you know this happens in america too? oh hey this applies to america too, did you know about america? i bet noone has mentioned america yet, as an american i feel the need to mention this happens in america too. this also goes for america. america America America can we talk about america please? we should talk about how this happens in america. nothing can be talked about without mentioning america. we need to talk about america.

[bentonthegay]

We live in such a weird world where we're simultaneously ignored/forgotten about, but put through so much pain at the same time.

The issue shoved under the rug while transphobia continues to harm us every day.

Its just very saddening that people who go "im progressive im an ally!" or are even trans themselves will repeat the lie that trans men aren't murdered, arent raped, and have it the easiest. They say "transphobes ignore trans men" while every week I hear that a trans man was murdered, that a trans man i knew killed himself, and that a trans man friend of my mine was SAed or raped.

[bentonthegay]

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it