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Vanessa Simmons Behind the Scenes of her Maxim Magazine shoot (2006)

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More tips from your sister?

You should hold your man to the same standard.

Translation: if I have to work my ass off to look amazing, then my partner should too. She brought this notion up to me the other day when I asked her about potentially marrying her long-term boyfriend, HHH (Harvard Hottie who plays Hockey) and she flat-out responded, "I don't think I can marry him unless he gets a hair transplant. His hair is thinning and I can't be married to a bald man". And you know what, I completely see where she's coming from. The truth is, there's a widening gap between the pressure women feel to look perfect and the expectations placed on men. Men are increasingly embracing body positivity and defying traditional notions of masculinity. They're sporting dad bods, growing out their hair, and ditching the razors. Meanwhile, women are still expected to be hairless, toned, and wrinkle-free. We're told to spend hours on our makeup, buy the latest anti-aging creams, and squeeze into uncomfortable shapewear. It's exhausting and, frankly, unfair. My sister asking her boyfriend to get a hair transplant is, in her own way, an emblem of empowerment. She's unwilling to settle or sacrifice for the sake of equality, and neither should any woman.

Focus on a couple of qualities.

Fun fact, my sister can't really do makeup and she doesn't really care to learn how to do makeup. She's also not big on fashion and again, doesn't really care to become an expert on the subject. Most of the time she's sporting a bit of foundation, mascara, lip gloss, and a Lululemon or simple Aritzia get-up. And you know what? She looks very put together at all times because she's an expert on two things: maintaining a beautiful physique and amazing hair. She's a naturally toned girl who was blessed with an hourglass figure to die for, but she also avoids carbs and only eats one meal per day to maintain and improve what she already has going for her. She's also obsessed with her hair and has a TON of wigs that while all are black and pretty much the same length, are thick and shiny and bounce from a mile away so when you see her from afar, her hair immediately draws you in. There are other things she does, but ultimately she focuses on having the best hair and the best body and that's kind of all she needs. To quote her directly "Find a couple of areas to really zero in on and go from there. If you love fashion, tailor the best outfits for your nights out. If you're into perfumes, make sure you're the best-smelling person in the room. Basically, focus on a couple of things and understand that doing so will be more than enough".

It's okay to keep some things to yourself.

My sister has been with her partner for years and has kept quite a lot from him. She's kept her evening and morning routine from him, she's kept the fact that her "extensions" are a straight-up lace-front wig from him, she's kept her sexual past from him, and she's kept all the other things she deems private from him. Truth is, keeping some aspects of your private life separate from your partner can be an important and positive thing in a healthy relationship. It's not about secrecy or hiding things, but rather about preserving healthy boundaries and nurturing your feminine wits so to speak. I know in the age of social media all of our personal lives are displayed for the world to see, but in the age of no pride or privacy, it's 100% fine to keep some things to yourself. It's okay to keep your beauty routine, your harlequin novel habit, and your horrible one-night stand story to yourself. It's actually kind of empowering in the "I'm an independent woman and I don't need to tell you these things if I don't feel like it" kind of way.

Don't ask, compare.

My sister is an absolute expert at getting nice things from men and her number one secret is that she never asks them directly for anything. Why? Because she knows men have a tendency to get defensive and combative when feeling like they're not doing enough. So instead, she simply compares her lack to another woman's abundance. For example, if she wants a new 5 oz Baccarat Rouge 540, instead of asking HHH, she'll simply go on and on to him about how her coworker got that exact perfume from her partner and how amazing she smells whenever she floats past. If she decides HHH ought to be working out more, she'll talk about how her male friend just joined a new CrossFit gym and is looking absolutely jacked lately. And because all men are silly and wired for competition, he'll immediately jump to buy her that perfume and take up CrossFit six days per week. So, as I've said many times, never ever critique your man directly. Instead, find a way to subtly instill a bit of jealousy within him and in return, he'll do whatever it takes to prove his worthiness. Men are funny that way.

Lovingly, Elle

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Can you make a moodboard post of your personal fashion style.

I think my Pinterest boards are the best representation of my style at the moment!

Here's my Fall & Winter Inspo:

Here's my Summer inspo:

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I am also a Leo Sun and Virgo rising. Pisces moon though. When’s your birthday ???

August 6th! <3

When's yours??

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More career tips please!!

You should always be 10 steps ahead.

Translation: Your boss, team, or senior shouldn't have to remind you to complete tasks; ideally, you should have already completed the task and moved on to the next steps by the time they approach you. Being proactive means constantly seeking ways to enhance processes, workflows, and outcomes. Take the example from a few weeks ago when my boss requested a weekly search of specific KPIs for our client companies. After spending three hours searching and analyzing, and realizing the whole process was inefficient, I collaborated with our data team, organized a meeting, and together, we automated the process. Now, it's a seamless task done with just a click every Friday, much to my boss's delight. Similarly, recognizing the growing importance of AI in finance, I researched upcoming AI conferences, discussed them with my boss, and expanded my knowledge in the field. None of these efforts were particularly challenging or even well thought out--I just thought ahead and as a result, life is a whole lot easier for both me and my team.

Your first job is to make your boss's life easier

By optimizing processes and simplifying tasks, you can significantly enhance your boss's daily efficiency and in turn, make them love and appreciate you endlessly. Take proactive steps like volunteering to take notes during meetings, especially with important clients and while you're at it, follow up promptly by sharing a concise list of key takeaways to help your boss keep them top of mind. Be mindful of their time and present updates clearly and succinctly. Highlight any crucial developments and demonstrate your attentiveness by never making them to repeat instructions. Basically, strive to become indispensable through your proactive approach and valuable contributions.

Confidence is key, but so is humility.

The key is to strike a balance between confidence and humility. Overconfidence can lead to arrogance and closed-mindedness, but on the other hand, excessive humility breeds self-doubt and missed opportunities. So here's how you balance the two. You Listen: confident humility allows you to express your ideas assertively while being open to feedback and suggestions from others. You Empathize: you understand the feelings and perspectives of others, creating a supportive and inclusive environment. You Collaborate: Confident humility encourages teamwork and collaboration, leading to innovative solutions and successful outcomes.

You will be judged based on your appearance.

I don't care what anyone says, humans are visual creatures and we we all absolutely judge books by their covers. So if you dress kinda meh every day in the office, then people will see you as a meh kinda employee. If your clothes are always wrinkled people will think you're a messy worker. And if you look incredibly professional and well put together every single day, people will subconsciously view you as a top-notch worker. Moreover, if your job involves interacting with clients or customers, your appearance can influence their perception of the company as a whole. Dressing professionally and putting together a polished appearance in the office is not just about following a set of rules; it’s about presenting yourself and your organization in the best possible light. Your attire is a reflection of your professionalism, respect for the workplace, and consideration for your colleagues and clients. By investing in your professional image, you invest in your own success and contribute positively to the overall work environment.

Lovingly, Elle

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If a guy chases you, he has an agenda. He’s not emotionally invested. Once he gets what he wants or you stop running, he will disappear. Don’t give in to these men.

If a guy pursues you, he is emotionally invested. This is the kind of man that if you run, he'll stop pursuing you. If you walk towards him, he comes towards you too. If you set boundaries, he respects then, because he genuinely cares about your wellbeing.

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On Success: My Unique Achievement Equation 🤍

I'm going to be cheesy for a moment and repeat the phrase we've all heard a million times: Success is a journey, not a destination. The path to it is often paved with hard work, determination, and a unique combination of factors. In this post, I'm going to share my personal equation for success, and I hope it can inspire you to create your own formula for achieving your dreams and goals.

1. Constantly learn new things.

I’m always trying to learn new things because let's be real, in a rapidly evolving world, staying curious and open to new knowledge is vital. Almost exactly a year ago I landed in Oxford and decided to take tutorials in 18th-century opera, ancient witchcraft, and protestant vs. catholic art. I also wrote a thesis on medieval architecture. I could've stayed in my comfort zone and studied politics or economics like I had over the past four years but I decided to push myself because I knew that I had to diversify my scope of knowledge because that's what successful people do. Simply put--constantly learning new things is, in my opinion, non-negotiable. Pick a topic, draft a schedule that forces you to immerse yourself in said topic for a set period of time, become an expert in said topic by following said schedule, rinse and repeat.

2. Eat healthy.

I drink tons of water all day (my team makes fun of me for getting up every 15 minutes to use the bathroom. I'm not phased.), I don’t really snack, and I eat my weight in vegetables, and I get frequent blood and allergy tests to make sure I’m taking the right supplements. I don’t do dairy, I don’t do red meat, I don’t do refined sugar, and I don’t do processed carbs. Yes, I have my treat meals on the weekends and yes I have a couple of drinks on Saturday night but 90% of the time, my diet is extremely clean. The fact is, I have a level of physical wellbeing and body composition that I like, and reaching and maintaining that requires a level of discipline when it comes to food. I’m willing to pay the price and as a result, I feel absolutely amazing every day. So I really urge you to eat very well because you deserve to look and feel great every single day.

3. Network like your life depends on it.

If there's one thing that was beat into my consciousness from an extremely young age, it's the importance of networking. Why? Because a supportive network provides guidance, mentorship, and collaboration opportunities. I've gotten job and internship offers, romantic and platonic relationships, and flat-out absurd opportunities simply from networking...like my life depends on it. Just a couple years ago, I went to Dubai for a few weeks with my partner, and my mother quite frankly told me that if I didn't network with at least one alum from my college/boarding school while there, I wouldn't be allowed back home. I'm currently working in my exact role because of that very warning and I'm forever grateful.

4. Work out out daily.

The thing is, I hate working out. Like I'd rather stare at a wall for an hour than run on a treadmill for 10 minutes. But no matter what, when my alarm goes off at 6:00 AM, I’m jumping out of bed, putting on my workout clothes, and heading to the gym. It’s my routine and while I’d much rather get some extra sleep, I’m not going to let my desire for comfort get in the way of my health. And I don’t kill myself in the gym, I do 30 minutes (10 minutes of cardio, 20 of weight training) and I head out. No muss, no fuss. And if you want to get your shit together in a pinch, starting by working out every day is probably just what you need.

5. Avoid social media.

Because for 95% of people, social media is an addiction. Keeping up with your friends via Instagram is great, spending 7 hours per day scrolling through Instagram reels is pathetic. So I choose not to engage. If someone wants to contact me or know what I’m up to, they’ll just have to reach out and I prefer it that way. Moreover, I'm a very private person so I really don’t care to post about my personal life to a group of people I barely know. I had a truly epic graduation party this weekend and the most beautiful thing about it is that I didn’t have to worry about posing for pictures or documenting any of it on my story. I really advise you all (anyone? do people actually read these posts? I digress.) to get real with yourself and be honest about your social media usage. And if it's not improving your life in a notable way, get rid of it. You can thank me later.

6. Constantly upgrade your appearance.

I got my color analysis done and now I know exactly how to dress and color my hair. I’ve got my hairstyle analysis done and now I know exactly how to cut my hair to compliment my features. I got my seamstress to alter and make a bunch of my favorite outfits and now my clothes fit my body shape to absolute perfection. The list goes on, but in short, I look really good because I know exactly what I’m working with and have done absolutely everything to accentuate my beauty. Establish a regular skincare routine to maintain healthy and glowing skin. Use makeup to enhance your features, not mask them. Choose natural and flattering colors. Stand tall and maintain good posture. Dress in a way that accentuates your body and makes you feel confident. And most importantly, remember that beauty is 90% energy and 10% looks.

7. Master the art of good conversation.

And not because I’m a natural extrovert, but because I decided that I was sick of being that awkward girl who didn’t really have any friends and so I got to work. I’ve read probably 40 books on social psychology/charisma/seduction and I’ve worked super hard to put all that I’ve learned into practice. At this point, I can talk to pretty much anyone about pretty much anything and know that they’ll leave the conversation feeling really good. Effective communication is the bedrock of human interaction, and being skilled in this area can profoundly impact one's relationships and success. In professional settings, being a skilled conversationalist can lead to better collaboration, negotiation, and problem-solving. In personal relationships, it can deepen bonds, enhance empathy, and create a sense of mutual understanding. Remember that being a good conversationalist is not just about talking; it's about creating an environment where ideas flow freely, relationships flourish, and opportunities for growth and connection abound.

8. Keep your finances in order.

I've worked really hard to secure a great paying job, live in a great location and in a great apartment, and have enough money to save but also to enjoy the finer things. Yes, I dated a prince and all that but the fact is, I’ve been working my ass off since high school to get to this place. At 16 I wasn’t spending my summer at the pool, I was spending it crunching numbers for eight hours daily at an accounting firm. I’ve always wanted to be a financially stable person and I’m so glad that at this age, I am because I made it happen. I know this is hypergamy Tumblr, but at the end of the day, no man is going to hand you a $10 million check and ride you off into the sunset with the snap of your fingertips. Like attracts like, meaning well-to-do men, 90% of the time, are going to end up with women who have their shit together financially. You don't have to be a self-made millionaire, but as an adult, you do have to be able to take care of yourself.

9. Stay informed.

I’m knowledgeable about what’s happening around the world at all times because…it’s important. Like, really important. I have Bloomberg up all day and the second a new alert pops up, I’m on it. I also spend about an hour per day listening to NPR (while getting ready), reading WSJ, or even just scrolling through Buzzfeed. Staying informed allows me to not only converse freely about current trends with others, but it also allows me to feel my most confident and ready to face the world. Staying informed on current events is not merely a passive activity but a dynamic engagement with the world around us. It equips individuals with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate an increasingly complex and interconnected global landscape, make informed choices, and actively participate in shaping the future.

10. Have hobbies and interests.

Yes, I love attending the opera and the Met on Saturday afternoons, but I also love learning about manifestation and trying crazy food science recipes. The point is that my hobbies and interests themselves don't really matter, the fact that I am passionate about a lot of things does. And when you're passionate about your goals and pursuits, you're more likely to stay committed, work harder, and overcome obstacles with determination. So stop focusing on the "quality" of your hobby and try to just have fun with it! Let your hobbies connect you with new communities and open you up to new, if not a bit strange, opportunities.

11. Give back to your community.

Most of all, the key to my success is giving back to my community because having all the looks, money, and fame in the world ultimately means nothing if you can't share your abundance with others. I volunteer when I can, I give funds to those who need them (currently, I'm helping my aunty put three amazing girls in Haiti through college abroad and one man in medical school), and I have a whole lot of official and unofficial mentees. In a world that often emphasizes individualism and self-achievement, it's essential to remember the profound importance of giving back to your community. Please please please take the initiative, get involved, and experience the transformative power of giving back.

Lovingly, Elle

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i will get that dream job. the husband. the wedding. the children. a marriage founded on God. he’s not done with me yet. he’s rewriting my story. i’m on God timing.🤍

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A glimpse of the girl behind the blog.

TikTok: @/brittjcarter 💖

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Cozy night in.

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Femme Fatale Guide: 15 Essential Business Skills Everyone Should Master

Articulate, confident communication

Crafting effective, compelling pitches

Operating and communicating through a solution-oriented framework

Research of all types (Google, market research, studies, polls, interpersonal conversations, etc.)

Learning how to streamline, edit, and organize information in a clear and logical way

Accumulating high-level working knowledge/proficiency in all tools and programs directly related to your type of work/industry

Budgeting and financial optimization (investment, tax benefits, etc.)

Reading and interpreting legal contracts/documents

Setting rates, boundaries, and learning when/how to delegate

Good posture, direct eye contact, and a firm handshake

Building streamlined systems for onboarding, different repeat project scopes/workflows, and KPI measuring

The art of following up, listening to (potential) clients' needs, asking thoughtful questions, and benefit-oriented salesmanship

Consistently reading, learning, and studying current events/cultural platforms/industry and field-related knowledge

How to spot customer/client/business partner red flags

Self-management, task/project prioritization, and optimization of your personal energy clock + levels

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benefits of exercise that are not weight loss

* there are so many reasons to implement movement into your daily life that have nothing to do with changing your appearance, and it’s good to have non-aesthetic reasons to stay active, so here are some 🫶🏼

the physical

reduces the risk of cardiovascular complications and improves circulation

increases lung functioning

reduces the risk of many chronic diseases

improves strength and flexibility in muscles

prevents the loss of bone density that comes with age

improves bodily coordination

can reduce the risk of certain cancers

improves sleep quality

boosts the immune system

improves posture

aids digestion

increases the body’s resilience and decreases the risk of injury

prevents the joint and mobility problems that come with age/ultimately improves quality of life

increases production of many helpful hormones (e.g., collagen and growth hormone) and reduces stress hormones

* strengthening the muscles and joints can also reduce body pain

the mental

reduces general stress levels and anxiety

helps boost mood

improves memory and reduces the effect of the cognitive impairment that comes with age

grounds and quiets the mind

allows you to connect more with your body

boosts focus and supports the brain for productivity

decreases the risk of cognitive disorders such as alzheimer’s