bizarre-blorbo-bracket

[bizarre-blorbo-bracket]

OP's blorbos round 1 poll 16: Uranus from space vs Maui from Hawaiian mythology

Details:

Uranus:

Felt sympathetic to cringe name planet as a kid and researched it like i was getting a degree in it. Also personified it into the most tumblr 2014 OC you've ever seen in your life.

Maui:

I lived in Hawaii for a bit, and Maui's fishhook was the first constellation I could recognise. I'd been hearing the stories (and the Iz song) since I was a baby, so I moved on to reading straight up college-level hawaiian mythology textbooks as soon as someone put me in a library. Did i understand SHIT of them? no. Did i fill an entire disposable camera with photos of illustrations of this guy? Yes.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 15: Thomas Story Kirkbride from the 1800s vs Jane from Jane and the Dragon

Details under the cut:

Thomas Story Kirkbride:

Oldtimey early psychologist who had a miraculous amount of empathy and common sense for the actual 1840s. One of the early advocates for humane pyshciatric treatment. Invented a kickass treatment philosophy called the kirkbride plan, which admittedly didn't totally work but was def better than anything his contemporaries were doing. Also designed some bichin' buildings with absolutely beautiful architecture with the intent of making a good environment to recover in. I like him a lot. Quote: “There is no reason why an individual, who has the misfortune to become insane, should, on that account, be deprived of any comfort or even luxury…”

Jane:

Young girl training to be a knight and getting animated with the best slightly eerie CGI early-2000s Canada had to offer. Is besties with a chaotic good dragon. Probably one of the most real-feeling and nuanced kids tv characters ive ever seen. Woke up every morning to watch this before primary school. Beloved to this day.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 14: Henry the Green Engine from the Railway Series vs Ax from animorphs

Details:

Henry:

LIFELONG Blorbo. I fucking love this cringefail train. He has train asthma, train coeliac disease and possibly a train anxiety disorder. I love this guy sm. I literally OBLITERATED three copies of the original storybook about him as a kid because I would literally read them on repeat until they disintegrated. I learned how to video edit by clipping all his screentime out of thomas and the magic railroad. I used to have a first generation ipod with the audiobook abt him and it was the only tech I owned for several years. lov him.

Ax:

I loved animorphs as a kid but I read them entirely out of order because I just wanted to read the scenes with this guy. Hes a cool blue alien centaur dude who loves cinnamon rolls despite having no mouth. Amazing no notes.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 13: Heidi Hammel from the Association of Universities for Research in Astronomy (AURA) vs Renfield from Renfield (2023)

Details under cut:

Heidi Hammel:

Historical blorbo from my childhood, so maybe slightly less weird at this point but. First off, she is a REAL, LIVING PERSON. She's just doing her career! But one of the first books I owned outright as a wee babby op was a biography of her, and I'm pretty sure my parents still have all the heidi hammel fanart I made in like, first grade.

Renfield:

He is the most pathetic creature to ever exist on earth. He's the scrunkly. He's my world. He's an accessory to 90 years of murder and has little baby fangies from sharing in the power of Dracula. His arc is about getting out of an abusive relationship and his first act after that is to paint his apartment bright green, orange and pink. He has bedsheets with little orange kitty cats. I love and adore him and I want to nurture him despite his being like a hundred and something. He gets superhuman strength from eating bugs and uses it to do violence. 1000/10.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 12: The Mystery Flesh Pit from Texas vs Hermes from Greek Mythology!

Details under cut:

Mystery flesh pit:

The Permian Basin Superorganism, AKA the Mystery Flesh Pit, is a massive (like basically city sized) animal underneath the permian basin area of Texas. It used to be a national park, until the disaster in 2007. Ive been trying and failing to find collectable merch, since in 2007 I was in kindergarten hundreds of miles away. and like, im not like, a militant animal rights guy but it makes me deranged to think about the way the park operated and the containment stuff they've done to make it safe now. Like, could it feel the mining operations? Was it aware that there were people in there? Was it in pain? Is it now? I wish I could bring it 324723489234 tanker trucks of chicken soup and a very big tylenol. It's my humungo blorbo beneath the sands. It's also fictional.Psych!

Hermes the greek god:

Saw statue of twink in fruity little wingèd sandals at art museum on school trip, promptly became Abnormal. Dressed up as him one halloween.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 11: The V-22 Osprey from Bell-Boeing vs Junior from Thomas and the Magic Railroad

Details under the cut:

V-22:

The Osprey is a tilt-rotor aircraft, meaning it can convert between being a helicopter and being a plane. It's shit at both. Its favorite things to do are eat money, set things on fire and crash so bad it flips over before it hits the ground. It needs so much maintenance that only around 60% of them are remotely working at any one time. It craves human blood and the warm embrace of smacking into the ground. It is so so so cringe and fail and in 2021 one melted the helipad at a children's hospital. It's an indulgent taxpayer funded disaster made of equal parts military industrial complex, hubris, and mechanical failure. I once drew an ms paint picture of one being bottle fed like a rescue kitten.

Junior:

Possibly one of my fave disaster characters ever. I'm pretty sure he's ONLY in thomas and the magic railroad, and he consequently has been my blorbo since before I could read. Hes inexplicably Scottish. He surfs. He's a conductor even though he gets horribly motion sick on trains. I want to squish him like a stress ball. He has bisexual energy despite being in a movie for toddlers. I love him sm

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 10: Prince Siddhartha from little Buddha (1993) vs Morpheus II from Matrix Resurrections

Details:

Prince Siddhartha:

I saw this exact photo of him in this exact movie and then hunted down a 1993 movie with flashbacks telling the story of the buddha. It was incredibly hard to find a dvd rip but i managed it. I was gonna do fandom stuff to it but it felt morally illegal to describe a religious icon with some of the words I planned on using.

Morpheus:

Gave me intense and severe brain neurosis the second I saw him in M4. He's a therapy-construct synthetic mind created by a man brainwashed to forget his past, based off two subconscious memories of people said man knew. His purpose is exhausted by the end of the movie and I can't get over the arc of what he would even DO with freedom once he has it. Also he's charismatic as hell and dresses like he graduated summa cunt laude from the slayiversity of servington.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 9:Crawler Transporters from NASA vs Peter Parkedcar/Spider-Mobile from marvel

Details:

Crawler transporters:

NASA's vehicles for transporting space vehicles from the assembly building to the launch site. I love them. I don't know why but I love them, and have read like, all publicly available materials on them no matter how confusing it is. they also have a banger tune.

Spider-Mobile:

Saw spiderverse. saw this fucking thing. read every single comic i could find featuring it.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 8: 60163 Tornado vs Sir Gawain from the Green Knight (2021)

Details under the cut:

60163 Tornado:

Newbuild steam locomotive from England that set my brain on fire for genuinely several months. Was basically crowdfunded, went 100mph that one time, resurrecting dead class none of which were preserved. Wild that she exists.

Sir Gawain:

If I were to speak honestly, tumblr content guidelines would strike me from orbit.

Star of a dreamlike adaptation of Arthurian myth with the most adorable floppy hair and eyes like the 🥺 emoji. Embroiled in narrative that should have ended in healthy polyamoury. Gets tied up in the woods and dies (he gets better) and rescues a ghost from a lake. Honestly kind of a shithead but I want to rehabilitate him like a wounded hawk. pspspspspspsps com'ere pspspspsps.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 7: The Tay River Bridges from Scotland vs Pollution from Good Omens (tv)

Details under the cut:

Tay river bridges:

Bridges across the Tay river in Scotland, blorbo mode sparked after learning about a poem involving one of them in English class in school when I was 13. Made gijinkas of them based around the concept of the old rail bridge haunting the new one and the construction of the road bridge disrupting that.

Pollution:

New fourth horseman of the apocalypse and sole character in the show I actually cared about after I saw it. I made an amv of them and I had to find stock footage because they have less usable on-screen time than the duration of the song I used (3 minutes). Made a 300-year timeline of their development in the back of my biochemistry notebook instead of paying attention to lectures. I went to a comicon on three days notice because I realised the actress who plays them was gonna do meet and greets there. Truly rendered me insane.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 6: Windlifter from Planes: Fire and Rescue vs Doomed Polar Expeditions from real life

Details under cut:

Windlifter:

Problematically-depicted native American (somehow) helicopter from the sequel to the Cars spin-off Planes. To be clear, I have not seen the first Planes. I have not seen Cars. I have not seen Cars 2. I have not seen any other cars universe content. I heard about Windlifter on a podcast and watched Planes 2, and my brain was taken from me and turned into a machine for rotating this helicopter like a plate in the microwave and nothing else. Only character ive ever had autism headcanon for. He's a Sikorsky S-64 Skycrane with a lift capacity of all of my common sense.

Doomed polar expiditions:

Who doesn't love age-of-sail dudes having a terrible and homoerotic time freezing to death on some boat?

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Op's blorbos round 1 poll 5: Bucket-Wheel Excavators from the mining industry vs Markus from Detroit: Become human!

Details under the cut:

Bucket wheel excavators:

they are so big and cool and powerful and i think if i saw one irl it would be a religious experience because of the scale. Had a poster of one for a while.

Markus:

BADLY WRITTEN ROBOT MLK ALEGORY MY ANGEL. He is such a fascinating character with his isolation from other androids, the (totally unexplored in canon because of course) intersectionality, the fact that he exchanges HEARTS with another character... I wrote 12,000 words abt this guy based off a scene 5 minutes long with no narrative consequences. I ADORE him. nobody else in the fandom does but hes my faveys. Ask me abt my headcanons.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 4: Wen Ning from the Untamed vs Zick from Monster Allergy

Details under the cut:

Wen ning: the inherent eroticism of being brought back from the dead by a necromancer guy who can then control you to attack his enemies but you were friends before and will be friends after,,, waiting thirteen years to hear his call again.... being the last survivor of your clan but unable to carry it on or pass on its teachings.... it makes me too crazy! I have done so much research because of this little guy. I want to wrap him in a blanket even tho he can't feel temperature anymore. I adore him.

Zick:

Historical blorbo, lead 10 y/o me to internet piracy from sheer force of need to watch the rest of the mediocre cartoon he's in. Allergic to (among other things) cats, dust, dogs, peanuts, and the invisible monsters that populate every city and walk among humans undetected. Voice acted like he has a permanent head cold. I want to pack him an allergy-safe lunch and pat him on the head.

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 3: Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment vs Colin Craven from the Secret Garden!

Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov:

The og madlad from Dostoevsky's Crime And Punishment. Murderer, poor little meow meow, the moment. Faints like six times in the book and is homoerotically nursed through a fever. 11/10.

Colin Craven: Angry, melancholic little dude from the Secret Garden, chronically inside, doomed to never be faithfully adapted. I have been trying to make an AU that will square the circle on my love of the characters and story without indulging the insane philosophy behind the book for Y E A R S. Ive re-read tsg more times than any other book in my life. I've seen every adaptation possible (they suck, except the musical and the 1993 movie) and will probably continue doing so forever.

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Op's blorbos round 1 poll 2: Frédéric Chopin vs Ollie from Nina and the Neurons

Details under the cut:

Frédéric François Chopin:

Dead Polish composer who occupied the space that boybands would have in my adeolescent brain if I was normal. I loved his music (still do), wanted to learn piano about it, and was fascinated by his relationship with baller GNC 1800s dyke novelist George Sand, the point where I hunted down translations of biographies and novels just to learn more about it. I have consumed every scrap of chopin contnent I could get my hands on. I have permanent beef with eternal sonata, a random jrpg, for rendering Chopin as prettier and more functional than they aught to. I have read short-run hand-drawn deviantart comics. I have seen the films- do you know how desperate a hyperactive 12 year old has to be to sit through Impromptu (1991)? it's a lot.

Ollie:

Ollie is a character from a 2000s kid's show called Nina and the Neurons. She's an anthropomorphised neuron in charge of the sense of smell. She also has a soothing voice, a scottish accent, and near-complete control of my brain when I was like 7. I'm not even sure what the appeal was but that little purple thing had me reading college neuroanatomy textbooks because they had sections on the olfactory cortex and Ollie lives in there!

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OP's blorbos round 1 poll 1: Schistosomes en copula vs the micronation of Sealand!

Brief propaganda under cut:

Schistosomes:

One of the most prevalent parasites in the world, and the subject of my undergraduate dissertation! They're the only flukes with separate sexes, and they need to form mated pairs to fully mature. The female is held in a special canal on the body of the male, and they remain that way from there on, living and navigating the host body as a single organism. I find this dreadfully romantic, in a grotesque intimacy kind of way.

Sealand:

It's a micronation on a formal naval fort founded by PIRATE RADIO OPERATORS that has had POWER STRUGGLES BETWEEN WARRING PIRATE RADIO FACTIONS and A REBEL GOVERNMENT/HOSTAGE CRISIS despite the fact that it could fit inside the exhibition halls at most convention centers. It is so so cool and I want to go and have for years. Prince Michael Bates hmu.

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OP's personal bizarre blorbo bracket!

This is a mini-bracket, so polls will last 24h!

Matches under the cut!

Schistosomes (when they're married) vs the Principality of Sealand!

Frédéric Chopin vs Ollie from Nina and the Neurons!

Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment vs Colin Craven from the Secret Garden!

Wen Ning from the Untamed vs Zick from Monster Allergy!

Bucket-Wheel Excavators from the mining industry vs Marcus from Detroit: Become human!

Windlifter from Planes 2: Fire and Rescue vs Doomed Polar Expeditions from history!

The Tay River Bridges from Scotland vs Pollution from Good Omens (tv)!

60163 Tornado vs Sir Gawain from the Green Knight (2021)

Crawler Transporters from NASA vs Peter Parkedcar/Spider-Mobile from marvel!

Prince Siddhartha from little buddha (1993) vs Morpheus II from Matrix Resurrections!

The V-22 Osprey from Bell-Boeing vs Junior from Thomas and the Magic Railroad!

The Mystery Flesh Pit from Texas vs Hermes from Greek Mythology!

Heidi Hammel from the Association of Universities for Research in Astronomy (AURA) vs Renfield from Renfield (2023)

Henry the Green Engine from the Railway Series vs Ax from animorphs!

Thomas Story Kirkbride from the 1800s vs Jane from Jane and the Dragon!

Uranus from space vs Maui from Hawaiian mythology!