borderlineangel222 - Tumblr blog

[borderlineangel222]

Actually, I think the worst part of BPD is being highly self aware yet still unable to change your behaviors. And it's like watching yourself do the same things over and over but you have no idea how to stop it.

[borderlineangel222]

Promises of Gold, José Olivarez

[borderlineangel222]

i have my mother’s eyes and my father’s lips. on my face, they’re still together

[borderlineangel222]

there’s something so profoundly cathartic about returning to the place where you were traumatized, but entirely unrecognizable. anyway.

[borderlineangel222]

“You robbed me of my life. I could have been human—I could have been alive, but you took my heart and you murdered it. You made me into this.”

— Emilie Autumn, from The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls

[borderlineangel222]

i live in constant fear of my own mind cause i dread the day it will come in terms with the fact that i’m indeed a monster just like my father.

[borderlineangel222]

-why are you doing this?

-because i hate myself so much that i sabotage my own happiness

-so you want to do this?

-no

-but are you aware of what you're doing?

-thats the neat part. i am.

[borderlineangel222]

i grew up with an angry father in my house and i always express myself with my rage. it makes me feel guilty cause i swore i would never be like him

When you've been told your whole life that expressing any emotional reaction is dramatic so now you can't tell the difference between whether or not your emotional reaction to something is dramatic or normal

[borderlineangel222]

[borderlineangel222]

i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

[borderlineangel222]

lana del rey was right. i am tired of feeling like i’m fucking crazy

[borderlineangel222]

Belle and Sebastian, I Don’t Love Anyone // Bikini Kill, Daddy’s Li’l Girl // Mary Herbert, Figment (after Maggie Nelson) // The Front Bottoms - Father // Phoebe Bridgers, Kyoto // Ethel Cain, Hard Times // Dick Lourie, forgiving our fathers // Lucy Dacus, Thumbs

[borderlineangel222]

My heart breaks for my parents because they too were traumatized by theirs as children but it breaks even more when i realize they did the same thing to me

[borderlineangel222]

i always tidy my room and keep it clean to hide how messy my mind and heart is

[borderlineangel222]

I’ve seen that in order to heal your inner child and teen, you’re supposed to learn to let go of your anger and resentment, but I’m not doing that. I worked hard to earn the right to express my anger. I have big emotions that deserve to be felt in their entirety after being bottled up for so long. I will allow myself to feel it all.

[borderlineangel222]

[borderlineangel222]

i can only hope i can be someone my inner child would be proud of