buckyscombatboots - Tumblr blog

buckyscombatboots · 1 year

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Helping Hand

Pairing: Bestfriend!Ari Levinson x Reader

Warnings: Breeding, impregnation, mating press, p in v, no protection, foreplay, cunnilingus, implied alcohol (can be ignored if you don’t drink, because neither :) ), Beefy!Ari (6,4), check-ins, body worship, mutual praise, kink slight scent kink, size kink

Nicknames: Baby, Sweetheart, Princess, Darling, Mommy

Word count: 4.4k

A/N: This was a request from @adoreyouusugar and let me just say she has the patience of a saint, because she requested this ages ago. Just want to say that I’m so sorry; I really hope you like it and it lives up to what you wanted.

༻𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭༺

“And here’s your drink, and there’s mine.” Ari placed the sparkly purple and blue drink on the coaster in front of you and then seated himself on the plush velvet barstool next to you holding up his whiskey glass waiting for you to clink your glass against his. You let out a small titter, picking up your glass “to a quiet night between friends.” Ari announced.

“To friendship and your extremely successful bar.” You added.The sound of your glasses colliding briefly covered the slow sombre tunes that Ari had playing through the bars speakers.

Ari took a quick sip and you followed suit, smiling at the lovely tasting drink he had made for you “It’s not that successful.” He stated humbly.

“You’re being way too modest right now. This place is packed almost every single day, it's rare to be able to get a place on the dance floor let alone a seat at the bar. People were almost rioting when you said you were closing early tonight. Those girls sitting at the bar watching you like hawks were especially angry.’

“Well, I have a very special person with me so of course I would close early.” You let out a series of dry laughs, causing Ari’s deadpan expression to turn into a frown. He placed his free hand on yours “Im being serious. You’re one of my only friends.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you took your hand back and began to dramatically list “What about Steve, Bucky, Sam, Lloyd-“

“Don’t mention those guys. They get on my nerves.” He sighed, eyebrows pinching together as he facepalmed.

“Sure they do.” You chortled “that’s why they come here and hang out with you every other day.”

“The only reason they come is too exploit me for free alcohol.”

“I don’t blame them, your drinks are amazing.”

“Look, I know you know what I mean. I feel like I can be open with you, you’re kind of like my other half.”

“Other half huh?” Your eyes drifted to the chest hair peeking out of the open button on his blue button up, then down to his rolled up sleeves constricting around his firm, veiny forearms and the golden watch on his left wrist. You couldn’t help yourself as you continued to take in his appearance, focusing especially on his large, rough hands, which you had imagined a myriad of times when alone in your bed. You were ashamed of yourself for doing what you had just criticised those girls for, but Ari was your friend. You knew that; you’d never attempt to violate the trust between the both of you. But even then it didn’t stop the fact that your best friend was the hottest guy in the city and that fact made it hard for your eyes to not drift when you were with him. “You said you feel you can be open with me, right Ari?” You questioned. The words leaving your mouth before you could stop yourself, you had no idea what came over you, perhaps it was him saying that he trusted you that made you want to finally be honest about what you had been considering for a while.

“Yeah…I did.” His brows furrowed again, his eyes flooded with concern "Everything alright?” You meet his gaze quickly, the concern in his soft gunmetal blue eyes made your heart squeeze. You turned your attention to the wall of bottles beside you, taking a long swig of your drink “is there something you need to tell me?”

You quickly shut your eyes, taking in a deep breath and mentally formulating what you were about to ask so you didn’t sound like an absolute creep and ruin your years of friendship. But even if you did, you knew what Ari was like despite his cold, blunt exterior he was understanding and level-headed. He wouldn't start hating you because of one thing “This is going to sound really weird. And you can absolutely say no. I value your friendship, I feel like I can also trust you with anything. I- God I don’t wanna make things between us strange.” You mentally punched yourself for fumbling with your words, digging your fingernails into your thigh to try to centre yourself.

“I promise you, no matter what you say. No matter what you do. I will always be your friend, and you will always be mine. So you can tell me.”

You took a deep breath, facing Ari “I feel very secure where I am in my life and I really want to be a mother.”

“Okay.” He was quiet for a second, before he continued “ You want to have a baby and you want me to help?” He asked, his voice totally calm.

You were shocked that he instantly knew what you were suggesting “umm. Yeah…I want you to help me, please.”

“Alright, when do you wanna do it?”

“Wait. Wait.” You put your drink down to stop you from dropping the glass and threw your hands up in a stopping motion “You’re okay with this?!” You couldn’t believe how nonchalant Ari was towards this. Ari, the man with a glare that could cut stone was casually agreeing to impregnate you. It felt as if you were dreaming. You knew he was always willing to help you, but you thought that only extended to easy Maintenon tasks, not something like this.

He raised an eyebrow at the startled look on your face “Absolutely, why wouldn’t I be?” He questioned warily

“I don’t know… I just thought maybe you’d think it's weird since we're not together and asking you to make me pregnant is a big ask.” Ari’s large hand pulled your hands away from their place on your thighs and engulfed them once again. He flipped one of your hands and began to rub circles into your palm in an attempt to sooth you.

“I told you, you’re my best friend. I want to help you in anyway I can. Now, when do you wanna do it? Tonight?” His voice was low and smooth like velvet as he asked, the tone making your pussy involuntarily twitch in appreciation.

“If that’s okay with you.”

He nodded solemnly “Come on let's go to my room upstairs. Unless you want to do it in one of the booths.”

You giggled at his suggestion, although you knew the booths were extremely comfortable you didn’t feel as if that was the correct setting for what was about to happen “Upstairs would be great.” Ari took your hand in his and began to lead you upstairs

“This way then, Princess.”

“Kiss me, Ari” You nibbled at the scruff decorating his chisels jaw, running your hands across his hairy forearms and placing his hands on your breasts. He obliged moving his hands to pull you into him, whilst locking your lips in a furicious kiss. He slipped his tongue into your mouth, kissing you senseless as his tongue tangled with yours. Ari swallowed your moans as he slipped one of his hands between you rubbing at your clothed core momentarily, before moving on to other areas of your body. you whined into his mouth in protest, grinding yourself on his thigh which he had positioned between your legs and pressed yourself impossibly closer to his chest. You could feel yourself melting in his arms as Ari carried on kissing you, taking his time to explore your mouth and roam you clothed curves with his hands. They travelled back up the top of your spine, ghosting the back of your neck with his finger tips before slipping down to the back of your dress and making quick work of your dress's zipper. Reluctantly you let your hands fall from Ari’s hair and stopped kissing him so you could slip your dress off leaving you only in your bra and panties “you look so fucking beautiful, Sweet heart.” Ari's hand glided from your chest, to your waist then to your ass where he gave you a few squeezes “You’re perfect. I have to see these breasts.” You unclipped your bra allowing your tits to finally be free and tossed it to the floor to join your dress. Ari’s calloused hands quickly cupped them, his thumb running across your hardened nipples before continuing the feather light touches on the rest of the skin of your bare breasts “Your skin is so soft.” He spoke quickly before leaning down to take one of your nipples into his mouth, you let out a small gasp in response as his hot tongue lapped at your nipple. He then grazed the hard nub gently with his teeth as he tweaked the other with his fingers.

You tugged at his shirt pulling it from the black jeans he had it tucked into and began to unbutton it with shaking hands, as Ari continued his assault of your sensitive nipples. “Ari you’re so hot. God I love you like this.” His shirt joined your clothes on the floor and you instantly began to run your hands across the solid planes of his abdomen, your mouth salivating at the sight of him. You’d seen him shirtless before and you’d definitely imagined him shirtless in compromising positions, but finally being allowed to touch him like this made you brim with elation. But there was something you wanted to see, his cock which you’d fantasised about too many times. You could see the outline of it pushing against the fabric of his jeans, but you wanted to finally be able to touch it “Ari- help me take your p-pants off.” You could barely get out a sentence with how he was teasing your nipples, but he finally let go. Speedily stripping off his pants, leaving him with only his boxer in which the outline of his stiff cock was undeniable. He was straining against the fabric, his tip making a wet mark on the front of his blue briefs “Holy shit, you weren’t joking it’s really big.”

“Of course not, I told you that I’d never lie to you.” You pulled down the brief finally releasing his dick, it bobbed against his abdomen, the reddened head shiny with precum.

You could barely wrap your hand around it. You gave his cock a pump extracting a grumbly moan from Ari as you ran your thumb across the slit “So big and hard.”

“All or you, you made me like this.” You were enraptured by his smooth deep voice hanging on every syllable as you released him and began to lower yourself to your knees, but Ari grabbed you and pulled you back up cupping your face with his hands “Tonight’s all about you, Princess. I’m gonna make you cream my name while I fuck a baby into you.” You nodded you head slowly, slightly disappointed at being denied the ability to choke on his thick cock. But all was forgotten when Ari picked you up with ease in his strong, firm arms giving your ass a spank as he carried you over to the bed setting you down gently.

“I was really expecting you to throw me just now.”

“Usually I would, but not tonight. Tonight you get treated like a Princess, maybe tomorrow morning I’ll throw you around like usual, but not right now.” You scoffed in response. Ari took a pillow from next to you and brought it to your hips “Lift up, I’m gonna put this under you so you don’t hurt your back.” You obliged, settling back down onto the soft pillow.

“Such a gentleman” you remarked sarcastically

“I always am. Now then it's time for these panties to go.” He stroked between the folds of your clothed pussy, teasing the wet spot with the tips of his fingers “Already so fuckin’ wet for me.” Ari took the waistband of your lacy panties between your teeth and began to tug them off. Once they were off he took them into his hands and lifted it to his face taking in the scent of you. Your cheeks burned at the sight of him with his panties pressed to his nose, taking in the scent of your arosual that he caused “Fuck, I can’t wait to taste you.” He tossed them to the ground and began stroking his hand across the smooth skin of your thigh, squeezing every so often before reaching your knees. He bent your legs slowly then rested them on his broad shoulders. Ari gave one of your knees a kiss before looking down at you with a dark lusty gaze “This ok?” He purred, gaining a quick succession of nods from you in response. His calloused palm stroked your cheek tenderly, then tenderness set your nerves ablaze. If you weren’t careful you were going to get addicted to this, him treating you as if you were fine china, so sweet and caring. It made your pussy throb in excitement. Ari’s voice cut through your thoughts “words, baby. I need your words.”

“Please, Ari, use your mouth on me.” You pleaded, making Ari’s lips curve into a soft smile that he reserved only for you. The smile that always made your heart flutter and your cheeks heat up. Even now with his head in between your legs, puffs of his warm breath fanning at your sensitive clit, what embarrassed you most was his warm, barely noticeable smile.

He moved towards your face and leaned down, pressing a quick peck to your lips, then he made his way back down to your core, stroking down your sides with his strong hands as he went “I can’t wait to taste your beautiful pussy.” He murmured, voice deep and husky, as he traced your lips making your hole clench around nothing. You squirmed, agitated by Ari’s teasing “I’m gonna give you what you want now. Don’t worry, Darling.” You let out a small hum which melted into a whine as his hot, wet tongue made contact with your clit. He slowly circled the bud, his eyes veering upwards to watch your expression as he surrounded your clit with his lips sucking the sensitive nub before flicking it in quick succession. He let out a gravely chuckle in response to your shrill scream of pleasure as you buried your fingers in his ashy blonde locks, pushing his face impossibly closer to your dripping core.

“Ari! Feels really good, I want more, more of your tongue.”

Ari slurped at your juices making the most salacious sounds, before he pulled back from you. Licking around his mouth to drink as much of your juices as he could. “Don't worry. You’re going to get more of it. Being such a good girl for me.” You sat up quickly connecting your lips with his tasting yourself on his tongue as he deepened the kiss, cupping the back of your head and tangling his fingers in your hair. The sting of him tugging at your scalp lightly made a moan slip from your lips. He looked directly into your eyes as he grazed your bottom lip with his teeth as you pulled apart, “now you know how fucking sweet you taste. I’m gonna give you more, I want you to cum on my tongue.” He rumbled, making even more sick drip out of you.

Ari delved back between your legs, digging his nails slightly into your calves to reposition you on his shoulders as he began to suck and lick your pussy with restored zeal devouring you. You could hardly hold back your moans as you felt the heat within you rising even higher, the sight of him between your legs tuned your nerves that were already on fire into a blistering wildfire as Ari attacked you with his tongue. You squeezed his head between your thighs as tugged at his hair shoving his face against your needy pearl. He retaliated by purposely rubbing his scruff against your inner thigh as he hollowed out his cheeks sucking on your clit. Ari released one of your legs, bringing his hand between his leg and pumping his dripping, hard dick prompting low growling moans from his mouth that made his tongue vibrate against your clit. You could barely contain yourself, you were so close “gonna cum!” You cried drivin your hips into his mouth as you back lifted even further off the mattress. From between your legs you could hear Ari’s muffled shouts for you to do it, for you to come on his face. His commands pushed you to the edge, you finally let go allowing the heat in your abdomen to take over you a kaleidoscope of colours blotting out your vision as you threw your head back into the pillows pulling Ari’s hair so hard you’re surprised he didn’t scream as you rode out the aftershocks using his face.

Once you had settled slightly Ari pulled away from your clenching pussy, cold air kissing your overstimulated clit setting off goosebumps across your skin. Through your half open eyes you could see him, his hair messy from your hands tugging at it, pupils blown wide with ardour and the lower part of his face damp with your arousal “I can’t wait to put a baby in you, Darling” His eyes scanned over your body before he dipped his head back between your legs raking his teeth along your inner thighs, his eyes never leaving yours.

He nipped the skin, kissing and licking the sting away which only worked to increase the sensations you were coming down from “Ariii” you whimpered out, making your face redden at how pathetic you sounded mewling his name. But you could barely find it within yourself to care, the pleasure from your orgasm meddling with your thoughts.

“Right here, Baby. I’m gonna start loosening you up, that okay?”

“Want you now.” You mumbled almost groggily “You just ate me out, I’m already loose. I’m ready!” You whined wiggling your hips to try to entice him.

A smile graced his lips once again as he hung his head and huffed out a laugh, shaking his head in mock disappointment “Baby, you know from our conversations that I’m big. I need to stretch you, I want this experience to be as comfortable as possible for both of us. Especially for the beautiful mom to be below me.” He moved to hover above you pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Fine…You can loosen me up.”

“Thank you.” He pecked your lips once again “You won’t regret it, promise.” You felt the tips of his long digits stroke against your already dripping entrance, circling it a few times before he slowly pushed them inside you maintaining eye contact with you the entire time. You could tell from the slight smile and adoration in his eyes that he was revealing in how easy it was to destroy you. He had barely just put his fingers inside of you and already you were attempting to buck your hips to get him deeper “so eager for me.”

“You’re being too slow! I want it so bad.” Your craving for him was growing too much for you to handle, the desperation making you push your hips closer and closer towards his thick cock which was already leaking.

“Patience now, Pretty girl. I told you I’d make this worth it and I never go back on a promise.”

He used his thumb to rub your clit sending shockwaves through you as he continued to stretch you open for him “Gonna put another finger in, then we can start.” You hummed at him feeling a slight burn as three of his large fingers began pistoning in and out of your slick hole “So good, you’re ready.” His finger pumped inside you once more before he pulled them out. You opened your eyes, peering down at him holding your breath as you watched Ari lick your slick from his fingers, a deep growl reverberating in his chest. The sight of his blown pupils added to your crazed need as he brought his hand to his cock pumping it briefly. You watched his sculpted, sun kissed chest rise and fall with each breath as he lined up the head of his cock with your entrance “Take a deep breath for me.” You instantly followed his instructions, the prospect of finally being filled with him making you more obedient “Now breathe out. I’m gonna enter you, Darling.” Your exhaling was interrupted by the sweet burn radiating from your hole drawing a sharp yelp from you as it stretched to attempt to accommodate Ari's thick member. He entered you slowly, fiddling with your nipples between his fingers in an attempt to draw even more pleasure from you “that’s the tip. Such a good girl.”

You bit down on your bottom lip, curling your arms around the pillow behind you “There’s no way that was just the tip!”

“Just the tip. It’s okay, the rest will be easier.” He assured stroking your sides encouragingly.

You braced yourself taking Ari’s cock inch by inch. He Let out a growl as he settled inside, feeling your walls clench around his cock, squeezing him so tightly “Even with all that prep you’re still so fucking tight.” He muttered.

His thrusts were slow and deliberate, each one aiming for the spot inside of you which caused you t practically scream for him. But it wasn’t enough you “Ari want it harder!Faster! Please!” You begged, your fingers digging into the fabric of the pillow case behind your head.

“You want more? I’ll give it to you” He thrust into you with increased speed and power hitting a spot so deep inside you that you saw white drawing a guttural moan from your chest.

A primal urge washed over him as he watched his cock move in and out of you, your walls twitching as he slammed into you once again his tip was pushing right against your cervix. Familiar tinges of arousal pooling in your gut as Ari continued to rock into you, the head of his cock hitting directly against the spongy part inside of you that made your toes curl and back arch even more. You want him so deep inside of you, you wanted him on top of you so you could breathe in nothing but the scent of him “Ari want you on top of me!” You whined

“Quite demanding aren’t we?”

“Please!”

“Good girl for using your manners, I'll change positions.” He took your legs off your shoulders and instead hooked his arms under your knees before hoovering himself above you. You threw your arms around his neck, digging your nails into his shoulder blades as his beard scraped across your cheek, he licked the shell of your ear with his tongue “Gonna put a baby in you! I’m gonna make you pregnant with my baby. Squeezing me so much, you really want my seed don’t you? Want me to make you a mom?” The gruff tone to his voice as he spoke only thrusted you deeper into your lust fueled trance which had you moaning like a pornstar at any slight movement of Ari’s hips.

“Yes! I wanna be a mommy!” You screamed no longer caring about how desperate for him you sounded.

“Such a good girl.” He purred, continuing his harsh thrusts into you, his balls slapping against your ass as his pace only quickened.

Ari looked directly into your watery eyes before slipping his tongue into your open mouth sweeping across your tongue to prompt you into reciprocating the passionate kiss. It took a while for your brain to catch up with how fuzzy everything was becoming from having Ari rocket you towards climax, but you began to return the kiss, nipping at his bottom lip with your teeth as your mouths parted as payback for the last time he kissed you. Smirking at him from below, he caught onto why you had done it and simply smirked as well before using the pad of his thumb to massage your sensitive clit which was still throbbing from his tongue teasing it earlier. You choked out a moan, moving your hips in time with his thrusts “Gonna come Ari!” You exclaimed.

“Me too, fuck! Gonna fill you with my seed!” He grunted, letting out a low moan as he angled the tip of his cock to hit your sweet spot over and over, drawing the orgasm building inside of you to the surface making you cum with a whimpering cry of his name. A blanket of euphoric warmth covered your whole body, legs twitching and fingertips tingling as you slowly returned back to reality in Ari’s bedroom. You wiped your forehead— damp with a thin layer of sweat— and then returned the hand to its safety of Ari’s broad, muscular shoulders, stroking up to the prominent vein in his neck and tracing its branch-like pattern to further ground yourself. A part of you couldn’t believe that you had just had sex with your best friend, but another part of you was content. You could feel his warm spend inside of you filling you up, you were going to be pregnant from this you just knew it. Ari’s husky voice disrupted the huffing of both of you catching your breath “You’re gonna be a great mom. I promise.” He spoke in a tone that while soft also made you aware that he was extremely serious about what he was saying. You felt tears brimming your eyes as you thought about it. You were going to be a mom. It made your heart hammer in excitement.

You felt Ari slowly pull out of you before plopping down next to you on the bed and pulling you to lay on his chest, you revealed in the warmth of his large chest “I don't think I can ever look at this place the same way ever again” Ari gave a chortle in response, Moving his arm under your body so he could hold you “Thanks Ari, for everything…Not many people would do this for their friend.”

He turned his face towards you, forehead glistening with perspiration and eyes twinkling and creased from his smile. With his free hand he brushed the hair in your face behind your ear “I’m always here to lend a helping hand, Sweetheart. Always.”

Tag list: @alina02 @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @petesey @cevansgurl @getwellsoontana @bval-1 @feyfantome @alexxavicry @ashenc-blog @floral-recs @flamefoxxrecs @sojuxxi @adoreyouusugar @gryffindorqueensworld @aerangi @itwillgetbetter @bean-is-reading @inlovewithremusjohnlupin @teddybearsgrr @emi11ie @raajali3 @cjand10 @sweetwrathoflilith @royalwriteroftheuniverse @wintasssoldier @godesslaura @alma13-blog

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buckyscombatboots · 1 year

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Little update!

Everything has been resolved! At least from my perspective, I’m fine with their explanation which you can read here.

As long as it’s for personal use and not to be passed off as own work I’m fine with people downloading my fics. I just want everyone to enjoy themselves whilst reading; I know how annoying it can be if your favourite fic is deleted, so I understand the sentiment of wanting to maintain its longevity.

Regardless, I’m still thankful for being notified about the situation (specifically big thanks to @darsynia you are an actual angel Istg) and I love how our community supports each other 💕

Ummmm excuse me?????

This poster is NOT me.

I posted this fic here on 2/21/23.

How fucking dare you take a piece of my hard work and post it as yours. Whoever did this has some major fucking balls to post the exact piece in the Matt/Reader genre I look at every day.

Fuck you. I've already reported to ao3. My guess is the rest the fics posted aren't yours either.

Write your own work instead of stealing from others.

Seriously, go fuck yourself.

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buckyscombatboots · 1 year

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Thank you so much for letting me know. It’s really unfortunate that people are going around claiming other peoples work that they’ve spent so much time on. Thank you for anyone who has reported them ☺️

I never thought in a million years that my work would be stolen, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. If you’re the one who’s stole mine and others works. Hi, I just want to let you know that you’re a pretty trashy person for doing something like this. I really hope you rethink what you’re doing and instead of stealing people’s work, write your own. Writing is such a rewarding process, you should try it! Instead of taking other people’s hard work!

Ummmm excuse me?????

This poster is NOT me.

I posted this fic here on 2/21/23.

How fucking dare you take a piece of my hard work and post it as yours. Whoever did this has some major fucking balls to post the exact piece in the Matt/Reader genre I look at every day.

Fuck you. I've already reported to ao3. My guess is the rest the fics posted aren't yours either.

Write your own work instead of stealing from others.

Seriously, go fuck yourself.

273 notes · View notes

buckyscombatboots · 1 year

Text

His suffering is definitely coming, don’t worry about it

I Wanna Be Yours❦

Part 1: Snap out of it

Part 2: Arabella - Coming soon

One stop off of heaven masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Angst, infidelity, reader is the side piece, hurt, brief mentions of childhood friend!Bucky, no happy ending (sort of), reader is used, no aftercare, all hurt no comfort, p in v, rough sex, hate sex, doggy style, hair pulling, slapping, biting, allusions to reader being infertile (can be ignored :))

Nicknames: My girl, whore, slut, Sweetheart, buttercup

WC: 4K

The Happier version: My Girl -Coming soon

A/N: This is the angstier version of the fic ‘My Girl’ and is the actually original version of the fic and more truly embodies what I was feeling when writing them both.

A/N: Ive been gone for a really long time (like almost 3 months) and I’m really sorry I’ve been extremely busy, because as a lot of you know I’m doing a PhD right now. Anyway, this is part of a series that I’ll hopefully finish when I’m not so busy. I also have a few requests to finish. Love y’all 💕

༻𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭🎀༺

You both laid in the middle of the hotel bed, your head nuzzled into Bucky’s chest as you held him tight, taking in the smell of him like it was the last time you’d ever be able to. Your mind burned as you broke down every note of his scent; Magnolia, vanilla, leather and petrichor. You chanted it like a recipe in your head, begging yourself not to forget it. Just in case you ever had to recreate it when he was gone, it was inevitable after all—It was reality, this world you had both created in this room was no longer tangible. Someone was going to find out, or they had already—and to make him keep risking it, running around with you at night. It couldn’t continue, the thought of it ending made your throat tighten and a smell similar to pva glue fill your nose. It burnt as you blinked the tears back. Even as you squeezed him tighter, closer, it felt like he drifted further and further away; you could just feel it. He was distancing himself from you mentally and now physically, to make it more bearable for you both; so that he could lessen the pain, but little did he know the more he moved away the more it hurt, the more your heart shattered into tiny, little pieces that you’d inevitably be left alone to pick up. You wondered if you’d ever be able to repair your heart, or if it had shattered so much into such minuscule pieces that trying would be futile.

You had one final night with him and here you were, spending it cuddling him trying to suppress your tears. You didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes if you shattered, if you showed how much this little love affair truly meant to you. You loved putting up the tough, emotionless bitch act but you couldn’t. Not now. Not if it meant letting him go, never feeling his rough hands trace your every curve, never having him to kiss every scar, never being able to hear his deep, silky voice. You didn’t give a shit about the sex, no matter how mind blowing it was. You just wanted him to stay, you’d become celibate if it meant he’d stay. You’d do anything. But you weren’t “his girl” no matter how many times he whispered it to you softly or made you scream it as he fucked you. You just weren’t his. Not in the eyes of the law and not in the eyes of any of your guy’s friends. She was and you hated her for it, you hated the nice girl who brought you ‘Welcome home’ cookies, who comforted you when you were crying, despite not know you were mourning your chance with her husband, the sweet, beautiful, perfect girl that would one day give Bucky the sweet, beautiful, perfect family he’d always dreamed of. You hated that you hated her, it felt immoral, this all felt immoral. But she had what you wanted; him. She had him wrapped around her tiny, wicked…pretty, well manicured finger, it was wrong of you to force him into this—Bucky had always been weak to you and you used that against him. You made him cheat, but deep down you knew a part of him liked it. He was just like you after all, he was broken and a collector—but instead of things you both collected bits and pieces of others and saved them up inside you, it’s what made you both feel whole.

His arm that had been laying flat under your head shifted, he ran his fingers through your hair, rubbing slowly circles on your scalp, caressing the base of your skull with his warm palm. His touch was too much, you didn’t deserve it. That’s what broke you. The burning in your nose got too much; tears began to stream from your eyes like water from a broken faucet and the knot straining in your throat gave way to heavy sobs as you scrunched the material of his shirt in your fingers “What’s wrong sugar?” He asked indifferently, but you couldn’t answer. The embarrassment from letting your walls finally fall in front of him and the pity you had for yourself, that you detested, jammed your throat. You tried to open you mouth to speak, to tell him it was nothing or that you’d had an awful day at work, you’d always been quite sensitive, he knew that, so the excuse of being yelled at in front of everyone at work would probably work, but no matter how much you tried to summon the words you couldn’t speak. The frustration just made it worse, the warmth from your emotional outburst and his natural heat made it hard to breathe. You pushed away from him, finally distancing yourself. But the implications of your action just intensified your blubbering, you felt like a child as you collapsed in front of him.

Bucky pulled you closer even as you tried to fight him off. You kept your face hidden behind your hair, but he started to peel it away from your damp cheeks. “There we go I can see you now.” He let out a halfhearted nervous laugh, smiling. His smile. Your chest tightened painfully, even through your drowned vision, the full intensity of his welcoming smile hit you like a pile of bricks. “What’s wrong, sugar pea? You can tell me, it’s just us.”

“I can’t- can’t tell you”

“Why not? We’ve know each other since we were kids, you can tell me anything.”

“You’re gonna- you’re gonna hate me.”

“I could never hate you. I’ve seen do a bunch of things and I’ve never once hated you.”

“I’m in love with you.” You blurted, your hands scrambled to your mouth covering it in fear of more words spilling out unchecked. The room fell silent and you heard Bucky’s breathing stop short. You’d ruined everything. Your whole chest ached as your heart beat ramped up, slamming against your rib cage, your ears ringing as the precious Eden you’d created with him began to crumble and rot. Neither of you said a word for what felt like forever, then he slowly pushed you away from him and he rose from the bed slipping on his shoes. “Wait, no don’t leave please.”

“You just had to go ruin it didn’t you? It’s like your specialty.” He turned to you sweeping his hand through the air as he spoke “ Y/N professional ruiner.” He scoffed as he returned to tying his laces “I mean God! You had one job! And it was to lay there and not talk, but you just had to open your mouth.” Every single poisonous word that fell from his tongue knived you.

You held onto his back trying to pull him back into bed “No please, please don’t leave me!” You cried, hardening your grip as he tried to stand.

“You’re so pathetically lonely, you always have been.” Bucky pushed you into the bed, holding your hands above your head as he glared down at you “You’re just like a dog you know that? A creature that can’t survive without its master. That’s what you’ve made me isn’t it? Your master. Well I can’t be anymore, the little doggy needs to realise that she can’t keep forcing people to be in her life, dragging people into her misery!” As he berated you you sobbed, trying to turn away from his scrutinising, to cover your ears. He was right, you were dragging him down into your misery. You were pathetic. You were harming him and his life by existing. “You know what? How about, as a parting gift, we do it one final time? Give the bitch what she wants? Would that make you happy? Would it finally fill that gaping hole inside of you?”

You nodded tearfully, gnawing down on your bottom lip to stop sobbing. It didn’t stop anything. In fact it just made the helpless feeling inside you fester.

He began tearing your clothes off, tugging at your shirt harshly making it catch your ear as he yanked. You resisted the urge to yelp, you didn’t want to anger him further. He tossed it carelessly and gave you a light slap on your cheek before squeezing your face in the palm of his hand. “You’re so pretty when you cry.” He let out a dark chuckle as he scrunched your face “You are pathetic aren’t you? I can’t believe it took me this long to realise just how pathetic you truly are. You can take off your skirt can’t you?” You whine out a yes and start to undo your skirt, but your eyes are drawn to Bucky undressing above you. You watch the muscle under his slightly tanned skin stretching and tensing as he removes his clothes. Once he was nude he looked down at you expectantly, catching your wander gaze with a stern scowl “Why are you still wearing clothes? I just told you to take your skirt off. Do it.” You scrambled to unzip your skirt, fiddling with the zipper. Bucky tutted, grabbing the sides of the fabric and tearing it apart “Simple.”

More tears filled your eyes as he yanked off your panties. You closed your eyes and thought back to the other times you were together in different hotels, how gentle he was as he stroked the soft flesh of your thigh and nibbled at your skin, whispering promises and praise as he approached your core. He’d stretch and tease you till you begged him for more and even then he’d be so very careful as he entered, pressing his skin against yours as much as possible just to feel even closer to you.

A searing pain shot through your scalp, making your eye shoot open, as he pulled your hair wrapped around his strong vibranium fingers “Face down, ass in the air.”

“Aren’t you going to prep me first?” You asked sheepishly, your voice not going above a whisper.

“Why the fuck- No. Just do what I told you to do. I’m hard, I want to fuck you.” He scoffed, clearly tired with your constant hesitations and questions.

Hesitantly you sat up and presented yourself to him, hoovering your face above the pillows. He pushed your head down, your heart jumped, fear blooming in your chest; for a brief moment you thought he was going to suffocate you, the reminisce of his smell on the pillows filling your lungs. He released your head, you lifted your face from the pillow slightly “Stay down.” He ordered sternly, sounding bored as his dripping tip pressed against your entrance. You did as he said, lowering your cheek back down on the cheap fabric of the pillow case; you began fiddling with the cream coloured fitted sheet, rubbing the fabric between the tips of you fingers. Waiting. Then you felt him push into you, a searing, stretching pain tingling through every fibre of your being as his thick shaft parted your walls. You weren’t as wet as usual, you weren’t as ready as usual, you were afraid of him in this moment. More afraid than you’d ever been in your life. “Fucking tight. God no wonder I keep coming back to you, it’s this pussy. It’s like silk.” He sheathed fully inside of you, ramming his weeping tip against your cervix.

“Ow! Buck, slow. P-please.” You requested timidly, stuttering out the last part fearfully, feeling a sense of uneasiness churn your insides.

He guffawed in response, leaning his head down to rest against your arched spine. Warm puffs of air made your hairs stand on end as he laughed at your request. Finally he rose back up, swiping a tear from the corner of his eye “Last time I checked whores don’t have much of a say in how their clients fuck them. Lay there and look pretty, moan for me, scream for me, but for fucksake whatever you do just don’t talk. You’re driving me crazy.” He pulled out in one Swift motion before slamming himself back inside, relishing in the cry that left your lips “I’m gonna use your little slut hole and you’re gonna thank me for it aren't you?” His voice deepened as he asked, changing his pace from long and brutal to shallow and fast. When you didn’t answer he slapped your ass harshly and clawed at your back leaving painful, searing red streaks “I said. You’re going to thank me, aren’t you.”

You choked on your tears as you answered, managing to croak out a very quiet “yes, Bucky.” Before burying your face back into the pillow in embarrassment from the sound of how ruined your own voice sounded. You took a deep breath in, taking in the lingering scent of Bucky’s cologne. Magnolia, vanilla, leather and petrichor. You chanted the list of fragrances, hoping it would carry you away to a better time. But the sound of his grunting, the sound of his skin colliding with yours and the painful, heavy sadness weighing on your head was too much for you to think back to the past. You were trapped here, under him as he ruthlessly pounded into you.

You felt his once loving cool, metal hand snake around your throat squeezing tightly, you began to choke spit flying from your mouth onto the already tear dampened white pillows “The one good thing about you is you feel so much better than her and you let me do whatever I want to you. You let me choke you.” Bucky gave your throat two strong squeezes before removing his hand to allow you to breathe “she- ah squeezing again? God I’m gonna miss this tight cunt. She’s so vanilla, only missionary, no blowjobs and I practically have to beg her to let me eat her out. But you, you’re a little whore, you'll do anything as long as I pump you full of my cock.” As he finished talking Bucky slammed his hips into your ass, watching it jiggle at the force. He craned his neck down and bit the supple flesh, grinding his teeth and licking the mark before returning to his thrusts, slapping your ass just to hear you yelp. You squeezed him even tighter every time he slapped your ass and with each moan and cry your voice sounded more and more ruined, you hated that even when he was treating you like dirt your body responded to him and he could draw this much pleasure from you.

The gradual heat that had been rising within you was becoming unbearable and the moans you have been trying to silence we’re now impossible to silence “That’s it. Scream for me.” A deep, guttural moan escaped from his open mouth, his hand on your hip growing stronger, to the point that you could feel bruises sprouting “Fuck. So close. So goddamn close, I need you to milk me with you tight hole.” Bucky’s metal hand moved away from you head and slipped underneath you, gathering your slick and fiddling with your clit with his thumb.

“Ahh! So good! So good, Buck!” His hand that was holding your hips buried itself in your hair before he yanked it at. You screamed in response to the burning in your scalp

“I said no talking you fucking whore!” You sniffled in response, feeling your release draw nearer. You pushed back against him choking out a moan as you came on his cock, your walls pulsing and squeezing around his twitching length. Bucky rammed into you a few more time with uncoordinated thrust, believing out a loud “Fuck!” As he painted your walls white. A whimper crawled from your throat as he pulled out; you could feel his seed leaking out of you. Bucky flopped down on the bed next to you pulling a few tissues from the bedside table to clean himself. An awkward silence permeated through the room. Not once after having sex with Bucky did you feel dirty, but today you did. You felt an indescribable urge to get home and scrub yourself till your skin bleed to even hope to remove the icky, gross feeling spread across your skin.

Slowly you lifted your head from the pillow and carefully laid down on your back, wincing as you reddened bottom came in contact with the quilt. You laid there staring at ceiling, tears making your vision swim. Bucky’s rough hand entwined with yours; he squeezed your hand twice and swiped the pad of his thumb across your knuckles tenderly “She’s pregnant. I thought I should tell you. She's gonna give me that family I’d always dreamed of.” The words that were crawling up your throat died, you died. Your body went rigid at the word, pregnant. Of course she was pregnant. The word made you sick, it made you jealous, it made you a crucible of contempt boiling over a bunsen flame—you were going to explode. “We'll, aren't you going to say anything? I’ve been wanting this for a long time. I thought you’d at least be happy for me.”

“Congratulations.” The voice that came out didn’t sound like you, It sounded robotic, metallic and forced. But that was all you could manage, if you said anymore you might snap and strangle him or go kill her. You hated yourself for hating her. But it didn’t make the nagging belief in the back of your mind that it should have been you. That it was destined to be you. He was yours, you were his. It was meant to be you at the altar, meant to be you telling funny stories at your wedding about how you were childhood friends that went to high school and college together, who both had brewing feelings that you both kept suppressed and when you finally both got the courage to confess you had to move for work, but destiny made it so you would both reunite and jump at the chance to confess. It was meant to be you.

“Thanks.” His tone was bitter “ I can stay a bit longer, but I’ll have to leave soon. She’s waiting for me after all.” He cuddled you close, stroking your hair, probably imagining you were her. Had he imagined you were her this whole time? Was it that painful for him to fuck you?

The amount of thoughts racing in your head made you want to step outside into the chilly night air to cool down, but now was your final chance to be with him and you weren’t going to waste it. You ran you hands across the corded muscle of his back, drawing soothing circles just like he used to do for you when you couldn’t sleep. When sleep made your eyelids heavy you barely put up a fight, you welcomed sleep with open arms, you wanted to be freed from the bleak, harsh reality and enter into a dream world where she was you. Yeah that sounded good.

“Bucky?” You called groggily. There was no reply. You crawled over to his side of the bed, it was still warm, and peered over the edge. His shoes were gone and so were his clothes. You laid back on the bed, your eyes catching sight of a torn bit of paper. You grabbed the paper and unfolded it, your hands trembling as you read it ‘I don’t want to see you anymore, please don’t bother my family. - James’ You read the words over and over praying they would change into another message, but it didn’t work. It only made the pang in your chest throb. You scrunched it in your hand as you curled up into a ball trying to disappear as you soaked up the shadow of his body heat, the memories of him that were lingering in that shadow—high school when he sat with you behind the bleachers in the rain and gave you his varsity jacket to warm you up “I’m your portable heater at this point.” He jested, letting out his signature low husky laugh that made you melt, college when he held you from behind as you cried into your pillow about your college senior boyfriend who dumped you, because he was graduating; you could still feel the phantom of Bucky’s warmth whenever you were sad thanks to that day. The day he stroked your hair and whispered into your ear that “He didn’t deserve you.” And that he’d “never make you feel like this.” Well he had so many times, he was right now. But it hurt even more now, it was over for good. You’d lost him, you were too many years too late and now you were just clutching to fleeting memories, but God if the feelings didn’t sting every time you thought about him. It was hard not to, he’d dominated every significant moment of your life. But now you were barred from his perfect little family.

Slowly you unscrunched yourself from the ball you’d folded yourself into, spreading your body out like a starfish drying out on the beach. Your throat was scratchy from crying and your eyes were heavy and swollen. Everything hurt, but simultaneously you were so numb.

You thought of showering, you thought of searching through your bag for some pain meds, you thought of driving your car off the bridge back to the city. You thought a lot, as you laid there staring at the yellowed patches on the popcorn ceiling from water damage.

You thought so much and so hard that you didn’t even notice you’d started crying, again, you were drowning in your emotions. You were huddled in a lifeboat slowly filling with water, with no sight of land. You were waiting for him to save you, but he wasn’t coming back “I wanna be yours. Just wanna be…”

A disembodied voice continued “Yours. Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought.” The sweet sound of the man’s singing stops “I thought we were gonna sing together, sweetheart.” There was a soft knocking on the wall next to your head “No more crying okay? Guy was a dick anyway.”

“Who are you?” You questioned, sitting up and pressing your ear against the paper thin wall

“A person who’s also been left out to dry, a person who also needs someone to stop me from drowning. If you want some comfort I can come over; we can just lay here, Y/N.” The way he said your name brought back so many memories, you knew who he was

“Ari?” You asked hesitantly, the man who Bucky said didn’t deserve you all the way back in college was on the other side of the wall. He’d listened to everything. You wanted to evaporate.

The door knob of your room jiggled and then the door creaked open. In the doorway was Ari, droplets of rain trickling down his skin. He dipped his head down so he didn’t hit it as he entered your room, his brown hair was a bit longer than it was in college, his beard a bit fuller, he was much more muscular and his chest was more hairy; but for the most part he was the same, he even still had the same crotchety, yet solemn look on his face “Hiya, Sunshine.” His voice was low and soothing, as if you were the finest China that he was worried about shattering. He closed the door gently and walked over to the side of the bed, crouching down to try to make his bearish figure smaller and less daunting “Long time no see. didn’t think the next time I’d see you would be in a shoddy motel, but life is nothing if not unpredictable, right?”

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