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I know I’m probably in the minority here but the pool scene, Gideon giving Harrow a kiss at the juncture of nose and forehead , infinitely more romantic and tender than on the mouth for a moment like that. It was perfect.

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ok well I finished I saw the tv glow … for me I think what this movie depicts so well is the deadness you feel before you realise you’re trans. like I kind of thought I was a sociopath before I realised I was transgender because I didn’t really feel like I loved my parents that much and I didn’t really feel joy or happiness. I remember someone asked me once what the best day of my life was and I was terrified because I didn’t have an answer, not because my life was miserable but because I could not think of any moment in my life where joy made any sort of lasting impression on me. I didn’t have many friends or cared that much about the ones I had, I forced myself to be in relationships with men I didn’t like, everything was just pure social obligation. there was this membrane between me and reality at all times and I just thought I was insane for most of my life. I keep thinking about Isabel saying, completely deadpan “I even got a family now. I love them more than anything” and you know how fraudulent and horrifying that statement is. and what threads that needle is her revisiting the old tapes and thinking it all just looked cheap and cheesy, she says “I just felt embarrassed” because she’s so thoroughly suppressed her dysphoria that even the thing that led her to recognising it had no colour or feeling in it anymore. the movie is horrifying and idk if I have anything like coherent to say about it but for me the thing that connected with me the most is how monotone so much of Isabel’s life is. Once Maddy/Tara leaves there’s no colour in it anymore

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the public reaction to i saw the tv glow is like a perfect case study into how cis people take up queer spaces and unknowingly mock and enjoy trans suffering. sitting in the theater, i had a pit in my stomach the entire time. so many times, i would tear up and then someone else in the theater would laugh. and i wouldn’t cry because how would they look at me when the lights came back on? because they don’t see it. they don’t see the pain. they think it’s funny. i left the theater completely silent, not saying a word to my boyfriend and he didn’t say a word to me until partway into the drive home. the people around us immediately got to picking it apart, explaining what it all meant to each other, dumbing it down, making theories. cis people see the the movie, just like transness, as something to debate. a conversation. something to dissect because it makes them uncomfortable if they don’t understand it in their easily digestible way.

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i'm in love with this man

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Something I appreciate about Monkey Man is how doesn't try to frame revenge as just a pointlessly violent, self-destructive pursuit the way many films do. I think it's because Dev Patel was unafraid of adding a political element to the story. The kid wants to avenge his mother, but he also doesn't want what happened to them to keep happening to others. The presence of the hijras really drives this idea home. They fight with him not only because he's their friend, but because Baba and the nationalist party will bring violence literally to their door even if they don't fight back. I often roll my eyes at anti-revenge narratives. I think Dev Patel gets what it's like to be a victim of systematic violence in a way most filmmakers seem not to. Revenge isn't just a selfish pursuit that perpetuates the ~cycle of violence~, it can also be a desperate desire for the violence to end.

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Dev Patel on shooting Monkey Man:

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Dev Patel on Monkey Man

“The action genre has been abused by the system. You know, a quick buck. Mindless shit. I wanted to give it soul. Real trauma. Real pain. You guys deserve that. I wanted to infuse it with a little bit of culture.”

“I really wanted to touch on the caste system in India. You have the poor at the bottom, slaving away in the kitchens. Then you go up to the land of the kings. Above them is God — a manmade God that’s polluting and corrupting religion.”

[callico-16]

I don't know how to articulate my thoughts on it consicely (as usual, hence why I rarely ever write posts here anymore), but ever since this week's dunmesh ep I can't stop thinking about That scene between toshiro and laios and how it's been talked about as a piece of representation of the neurodivergent struggle.

I've seen those panels countless times before the anime got to it, and I can't understate how Real of a thing it is that we're seeing through laios- that pain and frustration that comes from having the rug pulled under you in being told that been getting it Wrong the whole time and nobody's bothered to point out the donkey tail pinned on your ass.

but I think that's only the first half of the statement, and the way people talk (and don't talk) about toshiro does the moment a disservice.

seeing how people talk about it before getting to the scene itself, it ended up catching me off-guard how much of a Person toshiro is. he's always talked about as the strawman or the figure representing neurotypical society- the one that others us.

I see where it's all coming from, he's not a likeable character to most of the fandom for reasons I won't hold anyone against, but again- he's an important part of the picture that dunmesh paints of the nd struggle.

I find it absurd to portray toshiro as a representation of the 'average'. being both of royalty and of a culture that has instilled upon him his own values and expectations when it comes to socialization. it's why the inclusion of his retainers (especially maizuru) was a brilliant story decision; alongside laios', we get to see HIS social ineptitudes and how central they are to HIS character.

like. a major point of grievance many of the audience has with toshiro is his rose-tinted 'romance' with obviously-uninterested falin. I get it, especially if you've experienced that type of engagement with an unwanted pursuer. but dear lord if that doesn't perfectly parallel him with laios as a fellow Socially Inept Man.

it hit me as much as laios hit me when he said he envied our boy's sincerity. because that's a true and often less talked about part of the neurodivergent struggle(tm)- the difficulty to express your feelings. just like the other end of the spectrum, it hurts yourself as much as it hurts others.

as someone whose brain problems often manifest as social anxiety and feeling like i'm either unable to or unworthy of expressing how I feel, I envy laios too.

tl;dr- there are two characters present in that scene in episode 17.

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rewatched the first fight of witch and got “sulemio in aerial’s cockpit” brainworms

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Print

[callico-16]

based on this post by @sulemio-week-official

pre-relationship, maybe college au lol

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the gwitch experience

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I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THEM

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what if the vengeful soul of the earth remembered the people who cared about her and braided her hair every morning. what then

(bonus because I know this is what you guys wanted and I'd hate to disappoint)

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See, you start reading The Locked Tomb because everyone is like wow, lesbian necromancers in space, fun but watch out it's a little sad! And then Tasmyn Muir says my entire magic system is based on the fact that you cannot know someone without being changed by their existence. You cannot lose someone, grieve for someone without them becoming a part of you forever. Grief is transformative because love is transformative. It's also a consumption, because love is a consumption - souls merge when they spend enough time near each other. You will never be the person you were before you met them.

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I cannot conceive of a universe without you in it

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"we're on opposite sides!"

"we're on our side!"