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i think i figured it out

in terms of sherlock & co

i like how they portray sherlock, he’s more sympathetic and more “alive,” he’s aware of his personality, wether it’s good or bad, he care, and he can crack jokes

but i don’t quite like how watson is portrayed

maybe dislike is a strong word, i still like it, it’s just different

at the surface level, he seems to care about content a bit too much, he’s the comedy relief in some way, and he lacks a bit of the stable and gentle qualities that often seen in other adaptations, he’s more jumpy and nervous

hes kinda just, like a regular guy who has a medical background and got some trauma from military times

it’s not that it’s wrong, but it’s just different

in this world, watson seems to be “less capable” than his other counterparts, which makes him less watson-like

however, i think i know why i feel that way

it’s because of the premise of the show, in this setting, watson doesn’t have another job, he’s not a working doctor, he’s job is to podcast and records, he does this to pay rent

also, by being a host of a true crime podcast, he’s putting himself in a position of “the witness of sherlock holmes,” that’s his job

and in the show they hinted multiple times that watson has insecurities issues, fearing that he couldn’t reached his full potential and becomes a burden to the ones he loves

so it makes sense that he cares about content that much, one is because he needs to pay rent, but also that’s all he has right now, that’s his way to prove his worth, by documenting sherlock holmes’ every move

and in a show that highlights the casts’ mental disorders, its obvious that watson’s rambling and jokes are his way to cope with everything, he’s scared of conflicts due to his trauma so when things get tense he feels the need to light up the mood, even tho sometimes it can be a little off putting

ALSO, looking podcast as a media, it’s different from novels and other visual medias like comics and tv shows, the storytelling method is different, there is no room for them to be silence, there is no room for watson to be quiet, it needs someone to fill up the space, to express emotion in audio form, to move the story forward, and that’s watson’s job

ok the more i write the more i like his character, once i cleared my mind and put things in order, i can see the appeal of this characterization

it’s very different, but still true to the core that this is sherlock holmes and john watson, sherlock & co is like a fresh breath of air and a new perspective of the original story

and that’s why i like it more than bbc sherlock!

because when you make a modern adaptation, you have to consider that things changes over the time, from what i can recall, bbc sherlock is a bit too stereotypical of a “smart weirdo” character

for a character that already shows signs of autism in the original story, of course he’ll be properly diagnosed in a modern setting, and will be making adjustments to his behavior around that, like how podcast sherlock wears ear muffler, and very aware if he’s overstimulated or not

i love it so much

my fav sherlock is of course from the original story, and the podcast is how i’ll imagine it will be if the story was written in modern times, if that makes sense

rant incoming

i got into sherlock & co. the podcast

i think the it is in my top three fav adaptation of the original, the first and second being the 84 version and soviet version

i like how the podcast is comedy focus, i don’t think there’s a lot of that in the fandom, all adaptations are somewhat serious

although the podcast still have serious moments and talking about serious topics, the main focus is to create a silly cozy vibe

i don’t normally adore modern adaptation of sherlock holmes, but i think the podcast nails it, but i have yet to find a way to put into words, maybe i’ll talk bout it later

anyway, i like it, and i want to talk about it, now im hyperfixated in both sherlock & co and tf2,and i think im bout to explode

but i still scared to directly ask someone to talk to me, i think im scared that that person might not match my opinion or my personality, so i just refuse to open up

well what can you do about it aha im the prisoner of my own actions

[carboncat0]

rant incoming

i got into sherlock & co. the podcast

i think the it is in my top three fav adaptation of the original, the first and second being the 84 version and soviet version

i like how the podcast is comedy focus, i don’t think there’s a lot of that in the fandom, all adaptations are somewhat serious

although the podcast still have serious moments and talking about serious topics, the main focus is to create a silly cozy vibe

i don’t normally adore modern adaptation of sherlock holmes, but i think the podcast nails it, but i have yet to find a way to put into words, maybe i’ll talk bout it later

anyway, i like it, and i want to talk about it, now im hyperfixated in both sherlock & co and tf2,and i think im bout to explode

but i still scared to directly ask someone to talk to me, i think im scared that that person might not match my opinion or my personality, so i just refuse to open up

well what can you do about it aha im the prisoner of my own actions

[carboncat0]

spoi

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2 unfinished drafts buried in my folder since march

the second one is supposed to be the end panel of a short comic, but i got lazy

you know what, they’re still pretty cool

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im in a bad mental state rn and i just read a sniperspy fic by my goat tanyart on ao3 and i need to write something down or imma gon blow up

sniperspy is the definition of obsession

can’t live with it, can’t live without it

ofc i adore some domestic sniperspy but GAH DAMN that intense tension between the two is so delicious

and my GOAT tanyart is so good at writing the subtle back and forth between the two, the tension before the bubble finally pops

cross faction tasted different from same faction, cross faction has more underlying violence and animalistic tendencies, so feral, and so desperately hungry for each other

i hc all the mercs are adrenaline junkies, the fear and anxiety because of each other’s presence surly gave them a nice kick on the battlefield

and the beauty of their relationship on the battlefield, especially close combat, is them being so different in fighting style and practice

spy is all skill and precision, and sniper is pure instinct

if im sniper, and im manage to make that mr.perfect to break even a little in a field that he’s so proudly proficient in, i.e. close combat, i’ll be wanting more, just to see how far i can push it, it’s addictive

and it’s the same other way around, if i’m spy and can make that hunter becomes the pray, makes him paranoid with everything, keeps him on edge all the time, i’ll be wanting more

god they are made for each others, they are both pathetic and desperate and my mental state is totally benefiting from this fact

anyway everyone go read tanyart’s fics, i fucking love their characterization and the way write sniperspy’s internal struggles within slice of life stories

they deserve more love, i believe they have a tumblr blog but i forgot the name oops

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that’s what i’ve been saying!!!!

It makes me so irrationally irritated when people frame Spy as sympathetic in regards to his abandonment of Scout as a Father.

His lack of responsibility as a Father is PATHETIC like genuinely his reasoning is pathetic. In the comics he admits to being ‘scared’ to commit to the role as a Father, and whether this fear came from a deep-rooted, theoretical trauma or not is nooooot an excuse but would be a wonderful REASON to why he abandoned Scout in the first place. A reason I DONT SEE PEOPLE EXPLORING.

I need people to stop dumbing it down to being ‘Spy abandoned his family for the greater good’ because a) it lacks so much depth and b) it sanitises Spy’s character.

I’m not trying to be ‘elitist’ as I believe it’s impossible to have one conscious interpretation of any of the characters in TF2, so in any manner, all characterisation is in some form ‘canon’ to their characters BUT IT LITERALLY MAKES ME BREAK OUT IN HIVES.

Spy SHOULD be flawed, and you SHOULD allow him to make negatively charged decisions. I’m not saying he doesn’t REGRET abandoning his child and I’m not saying Spy is all-encompassing bad but I just wish people didn’t try to make his reasoning so ‘self-sacrificing’ and ‘heroic’ as a way to try and make his character seem more appealing and angelic.

The appeal from his character should come from his genuine desire to CHANGE. To be present for Scout, to be better, and in some way be ‘available’ in a way he didn’t manage to be in Scout’s childhood.

Maybe it’s projection (absent Father core) but Spy was selfish in his decision and you should allow yourself to frame it as so. This doesn’t make his character BAD, it makes him REALISTIC.

[carboncat0]

some random rumblings on many different topics

1. batman doesn’t kill, that’s fact, but not because what he believes in, he said something like if you kill one murderer then the count doesn’t change, and i think he’s lying to himself

he doesn’t kill because he physically cannot

no matter how strong he is, witnessing his parents death right in front of him as a child gotta leave some scars, and those are deep

what if he doesn’t kill because he simply cannot, due to his trauma related with guns and bullets

he physically cannot pull the trigger even if he wants to

2. the 1984 sherlock holmes show and the soviet version are the best interpretations of holmes and watson, but in different ways

i like to think the ‘84 one is what watson makes us think who holmes is with his writings, he’s smart, distance, a bit cold but has a heart of gold

but the soviet version is what holmes truly is, outside of the writing, he likes to joke, he’s caring and sympathetic

im not saying the 84 holmes doesn’t have these qualities, i just think by the way they’re filming the stories and how the actors act, these qualities aren’t the focus point

i love them both

3. im a holmes/watson shipper, but i like the headcannon of them being aro/ace, sex feels weird for them

i think their relationship is unique, far beyond friendship and romantic attraction

i don’t know how to explain this feeling yet, but i think the best way to put it is there will be no sherlock holmes without john watson

4. i like when character has flaws

take for example spy tf2, you can say his biggest mistake he made in life is when he left scout ma and abandoned his family

does that make him a bad person? sure

does that make him human? definitely yes

flaws makes a character interesting, when a character is perfect in every way shape or form, there is no growth, there is no story

5. on a similar topic, i don’t like when people idolize a character, defending them like they can do no wrong thus they are better than other characters in the fandom

it’s boring

6. why is medic tf2 praised but mercy overwatch hated?

is it because of the player base is mostly woman? is it because mercy is “easier” to play? or is it because mercy players likes to run their mouth?

i swear when the game ended the mercy players just gonna type something, not always, but in my experiences there’s usually the mercy players

i think maybe it’s because how overwatch design mercy

mercy is easy to play, i can say that because she’s my second most played character, and her functionality is to boost other players

she doesn’t require aim, she requires position and game sense, she needs her teammates to be good at the game for her to be useful

so a high level mercy is often be called as “carried”

because of this, the mercy player feels the need to prove themselves, whether is ulting and gunning down a sniper, or typing after a match because their contribution aren’t always visible to the others

it’s a game design issue

but to be honest im furious when im playing a mercy and the enemy mercy is tbaging me, truly makes me tear my skin apart and clawing out all my organs

because mercy is weak, and the player base always wants her to be strong by showing dominance over the enemy

and that’s another issue! the mercy player base is so toxic, i think it is because they want mercy to be a skillful character, so when another mercy makes a mistake or they lost, the winning mercy has a chance to say “look, mercy takes skill, and mine is better because im winning/my team is winning because of me”

im sure medic tf2 shares some of the issues but oh my god mercy overwatch game design is so awful

now im pissed myself off, im gonna stop writing

[carboncat0]

me after writing headcannons of the same character for the 638th times

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teehee

day 58

it’s been a long time since i did a full render

going for the disco elysium style, turns out shits really hard

also this is my process, im very proud

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behold another random headcannon haha what’d you expect from me

so i think when the mercs first meet they think sniper is so cold and distanced, and hard to get along with, because he doesn’t really talk and has a resting bitch face

but the turning point is expiration date, when spy asked sniper if he knew any instrument kinda like a last resort, and to his surprise sniper said yeah i played sax

turns out dude is really chill, he just doesn’t like to talk in a big group of people, and constantly in a low energy mode because he needs to save the energy for job time

when you ask him for help, if that’s in range of his capabilities(and won’t take him too long), he’ll do it without asking questions

and if you ask him if he want to do something as a group together he’ll mostly say yes, and then just sit in a corner, it takes a long time for him to warm up, but the team(mainly scout) eventually finds a way

so there a lot of conversations like this going on:

rest of the team: i didn’t know you can do (insert random niche skills)

sniper: what, you never asked

[carboncat0]

everyday i live in a constant reminder of never being able to be as good as the others, but often i forgot how far i’ve come

i hate my art because it’s made by me, and im not somebody else, so it’s impossible for it to be look like the others, so it’s impossible for me to like and be proud of my art until i change that mindset

a failed attempt is still better than nothing, i need to remember that

i learn from everyone and everything and so is everyone else, we are all pieces of each other, a mix of different stories and cultures, and together we’ll be completed

fuck now i sound like a cult leader

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i can’t stop thinking about it it’s so fucking funny

the context is that in australia the bag inside those box wine is called goon bag

just imagine sniper causally said “yeah i have some goon bags in the van”

and probably scout is like “i thought piss jars are bad but why the fuck you have goon bags”

and he’s hella confused and said “fuck you mean why lots of people have those, you want some?”

and he brings one out and it’s just red liquid and scout starts dialing up medic to get this man some help

and he starts drinking from it and scout is losing his mind he even stops talking for a minute

day 48

drink up mate, you’ve earned it

[carboncat0]

an interesting observation

so i noticed when ppl draw red spy they usually draw this cigarette

which are just everyday regular cigarettes

however, when they draw blu spy, they sometimes draw this

these aren’t actually cigarettes, these are little cigars, or cigar with filters

but some brand do have cigarettes with brown filter and darker brown paper wrap, i had a pack of these and they contain less nicotine and leaves a chocolate taste on the lips

just found this interesting and definitely will make it into my spy headcannon

edit: after rewatching meet the spy for the 3 million times, i noticed valve actually did model blu spy’s cigs with brown filter and dark brown paper wrap, i can’t believe i missed this, so hes defin smoking mini cigars

ok so this is no longer a headcannon, it’s just cannon now

[carboncat0]

a headcannon just randomly came to me and it makes so much sense

so i was thinking why does spy wear his mask, he can be invisible and he isn’t legally exist, it seems unnecessary to wear a mask to hide his identity

well i can think of two reasons that fits, one is the obvious that he doesn’t want scout or the others to know that he is the father of that brat, he probably agreed to join the mercenary because he heard scout was in it and wanted to keep a close eye on him

the second is it might be an old habit he had before joining the mercenary

everyone’s hair falls off, especially when he’s an older guy, in his early days he prob learned the potential danger of accidentally leaves traces of him being at the sense of the crime, mf still wears gloves when he doesn’t have fingerprints

he obviously doesn’t want to shave his hair off, so what’s the next best thing for preventing his hair out in the open

well a mask, a hat will not be secure enough and prob looks stupid

i’m so smart valve should hire me to fix all of those plot holes haha i’m joking

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i’m going crazy

literally stayed up all night in the middle of final week listening to igor on repeat and watching videos about it

didn’t know it was possible for me to hyperfixated on a fucking album but here we are

anyway i’m writing this because i found a little detail that no one seems to talk about

so in the album the line “open my eyes” is a repeated motive, appears in many songs even in igor’s theme

more evidently in what’s good, chorus line “i saw the light” has the same idea

“open my eyes” symbolized igor’s realization, like in what’s good it means that he could clearly see how toxic and unhealthy this relationship is, which leads him to finally let go

HOWEVER, igor never truly let go, the album is a loop and he always coms back to the guy he loves, went through the circle again and again

so what was that line about? it seems like it holds no meaning because if he keeps crawling back to that relationship it means he never actually “opened his eyes”

i beg to differ

igor has a very specific looks, like all his other characters, and all the pieces holds a certain meaning

so as the sunglasses

except in the igor’s theme, all the music video igor was wearing his sunglasses, and a really dark one might i add

so what does it means

it means that igor wasn’t lying, he did open his eyes, but he still got that big ass sunglasses blocking his view, unless he removed the glasses himself, but he didn’t want to, because he didn’t want to let go and face the reality that this is doomed yaoi

to me, the glasses is a metaphor for igor’s obsession and delusion on the guy and this whole relationship, it’s basically represent his hope for this relationship to work

so even though igor got his eyes open and know how toxic everything is, but he is still seeing through a tinted lens and refused to removed it to truly see

pretty interesting if you ask me

[carboncat0]

i’m so obsessed with new magic wand in Igor

the most toxic yaoi shit ever, and it’s cannon, it IS toxic yaoi

so toxic that sniperspy isn’t enough to match

but i’m still gonna fantasize a little ooc story for them that shit so good

that man’s genius, truly my goat

[carboncat0]

a random rant

i don’t like marvel rival(in this current state)

guys don’t be mad i’m not hating on mr, it just not for me, and i just like to find out why

and also, can’t we just get along? it’s so pointless to discuss that oh mr is better and ow and ow is dead, or when ow first came out, everyone was like tf2 is dead and ow killed it

can’t a person just likes to play hero shooters, we can play different games at the same time, it’s the companies that should feel the threat of another game competing not the player base

now i gotta be honest i’m not a good player, i peeked gold in ow like once or twice, and im not a competitive player, and this is my OWN opinion, it might be wrong, but it’s just how i feel

and i totally get that mr is a fairly new game and its still has a long way to go, its a bit unfair to compare it to games like ow who has years of development

but i’m still gotta do it, cause i think they are different games and will go to a different path in terms of balancing

many people said mr is a ow copy, i disagree, i think mr has many things that are unique to ow, like the team up systems and the moving map and many more

side note: many people now said ow stadium is a mr copy, and that is so wrong omg, mr didnt invent 3rd person, stadium is the scrap of the pve that got killed, and the perks was tested many seasons ago with that halloween event

anyway, i don’t think mr is a bad game, it just not my cup of tea

the main issue with it for me is the playstyle

every hero is super complex, with many button to press and many hidden techs and stuff, it’s good to have heroes with complex kits, but if everyone is like that, it’s very overwhelming, and the few heroes who don’t have that complex kits feels underpowered

in my experience, every hero’s stats are very high, dps do a lot more damage and healers(yes they are healers, not supports) do a lot of healings

and that makes the play style stray away from the cooldown management route to button mashing and raw power

and that’s the difference between mr and ow

i main support in ow, when i play them, they feel like support, im able to choose different play styles, i can choose to flank and poke or stay back and heal the team

there are not a lot of options like this for support players in mr, with the crazy high damage output from dps, supports are forced to heal, even with hero like invis woman, who should be able to flank and poke due to her kit, is forced to use her cooldown in a passive way

and i hate a lot of ults are just an aoe with different spice levels

it’s a very dopamine focused game, because it does feels good when you do explosive amounts of damage and get a team kill

it’s a fun game to play casually, but if you want to play it competitively, it gets a bit frustrating

which is totally fine, and i think that’s where mr will be heading towards in the future

but, if everyone is overpowered, is anyone overpowered?

that’s just how i feel playing the game