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alone at brunch

i’m sitting at this cafe i love when this family walks in and they sit at the table next to me. the mother sits on the bench with her youngest son and her daughter on either side of her. the older son takes the chair in front of them and the father glances over at my table and graciously asks if he could please have the empty chair across from me and i agree. i sit there reading my book while sipping my green concoction of ice and matcha as this family interacts and converses. the youngest son, also the one seated closest to me, fiddles with his shoe laces as the daughter asks her mother if she could tell her about her latest discovery about the planets. the father is trying to figure out that qr code menu while the older son decides to dump the sugar packets from their container onto the table and arrange them like some sugar packet castle. as i glance over to them before looking out the giant window near them i can’t help but think about my own family, about my mother and father and my sister and brother, about how i was with them just a few days ago. about how we were laughing together and debating acting performances in a film we had just seen. and i can’t help but smile, i miss them it’s been barely three days but i miss them terribly. i think about calling my mom right now, but i decide not to, she’s probably at work anyways. i could message my dad but he’s got lots to do. my sister maybe, but what would i even say? would i ask her about her search for colleges or if she’d finally decided what major she’d apply to? no, that would only annoy her, i don’t want to be a grievance. i could message my brother, send him a quick text, but he’s 12 and i don’t really know what to say to him, talking to him is always weird because he’s quite mature but acts like a 3 year old and i never knew how to talk to him when he was 3. besides his phone is probably out of charge. i usually love being in my own company. i usually love eating by myself. but right now with this family right next to me with eldest son having completed his castle of sugar, and the mother taking a picture of her daughter as she bites into a strawberry, and the youngest son licking his spoon clean of chocolate syrup, i see just how alone i am. ‘i love being alone,’ i remind myself, ‘i love being alone.’ yes. i love being alone; i hate being lonely.

i hope you enjoyed this little entry, writing it was somewhat cathartic. xo mellilla

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love how the moment ao3 goes down we all start acting like housewives waiting for their husbands to come back from war

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guy sitting in front of me in class was vandalizing wikipedia and i kept reverting his edits as soon as he made them and he couldn't figure out why it was happening

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interesting how it's always "iranian regime" and never "israeli regime" and definetly never "iran, where the us and uk overthrew a democratically elected leader because the iranian parliment voted to nationalise iranian oil to stop foreign countries profiting off of their resources, with the western powers' actions ultimatly leading to the islamic republic of iran that they so fear"

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me proofreading anything I've ever written (in chronological order)

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If you want an idea of what Washington politics is like, there were 2 superintendent candidates, one Democrat and Republican. The Republican ran attack ads accusing the Democrat of "wanting to teach sex positions to children". The Democrat denied this and sued for defamation. They came before a judge.

The judge said, "well, D., you didn't say that, so the claims made by R. are false, but we can't award you any damages because we can't prove that teaching sex positions to children is bad or that this lie is harmful to your campaign"

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this gallon of milk is disabled because it has not been linked to a google account! to enable drinking, make sure to visit milk.google.com/activate before the expiration date and click "yes" when prompted for full device administrator permissions

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I love taking walks in nature, zoning out. It’s nice to take a break from being a person. It’s good to let your soul get some fresh air.

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by far the best part of grocery shopping is the little babies. i was carefully selecting mushrooms when i felt upon me a piercing gaze and looked up to see a very chubby and very red-cheeked baby staring intently at me from a grocery cart with a slightly furrowed brow, hand clutching an apple for dear life. i wiggled a mushroom at her and she gasped and kept staring. i turned back to the mushrooms and heard a shriek. i turned around and the baby stared in anticipation. i wiggled another mushroom and she shrieked again in delight. she looked down at the apple in her hand, considering it for a moment. fair-minded as she was, she decided it would only be right to wiggle produce at me in return, and she held up the apple and shook it with all her might. i think i could live forever now

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Marlene: You may be single and childless, but you're totally a dorky mom. Alice, frowning: I don't think I like you tone, young lady.

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based on purely anecdotal and observational research the demographic of people who experience chronic pain and are also masochists in the bedroom is (perhaps?) surprisingly large

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gonna get a butterfly tattooed on my boob and call her titly

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Winter skincare routine 🦋

I'm so, so excited about my winter skincare routine! I need a lot of moisturizing right now; it's freezing, and there is terribly dry air in this part of Europe. Luckily, the Korean/Japanese skincare has helped so much. I even achieved the 'glass skin' look for the first time, which I initially thought would be impossible on my dry and problematic skin. The only downside is that it takes so long, but I've learned to enjoy those moments, really take my time with gua sha massages, and just ruminate over my day.

Morning:

Innisfree Green Tea & Amino Acid Moisturizing Foam Cleanser

COSRX AHA/BHA Clarifying Treatment Toner

COSRX Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence

COSRX Advanced Snail 92 All in One Cream

Innisfree Jeju Cherry Blossom Jelly Cream

Followed by makeup routine & La Roche-Posay Anthelios SPF50 spray

Evening:

Shiseido WASO Shikulime Gel-to-Oil Cleanser

Sisley Eau Efficace Gentle Eye Makeup Remover Face and Eye

COSRX AHA/BHA Clarifying Treatment Toner

COSRX BHA Blackhead Power Liquid (I've used this every evening for the last five years; nothing else has helped with my acne)

COSRX Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence

COSRX Advanced Snail 92 All in One Cream

Shiseido WASO Shikulime Mega Hydrating Moisturizer

Gua sha massages

Honestly, the Shiseido WASO doesn't get enough recognition; the line is so good!

I will give this routine a few more months to see if it has any blind spots, but so far, I'm very happy. And I can't praise the famous Innisfree jelly enough 🩵 I use the Estée Lauder Double Wear foundation, and it can be drying.

As I wrap up my skincare journey for the day, I'm reminded that taking care of my skin is like giving a little gift to myself every morning and evening. Here's to glowing skin and the joy of self-care! ✨

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I'm Desi kid I grew up watching

9xm,star plus,Tarak Mehta ka ulta chasma,balveer,jai jai bajrangbali, bhabhiji ghar par h,naagin, chdiyghar, Doraemon, shibchan,keymon ache,little Krishna,chota beem,bhoot unkle,Dora the explorer,go Diego go,Mickey mouse,Motu Patlu, Tom and Jerry,art attack,ninja hattori,Oggy and cockroaches,Shawn the sheep,best of luck nikki,national geographic channel, discovery channel ,food food ,Cid,gutar goo gutar goo , takeshi's castle,horrid Henry , Jake and Neverland pirates ✨

I'm sure I've forgotten so many tv shows to mention here

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I HAVE AN OM SHANTI OM THEORY

This may sound crazy but I need you guys to stay with me

So you know how in the movie, Om Kapoor starts to remember events from his previous life only AFTER he goes to the burnt studio?

And at the end of the movie, we realise that Shantipriya's ghost has been in the studios for the past however many years.

So what if, it was Shanti's ghost who made Om Kapoor see all those things from his past life? Like, she must've had some kind of powers as a ghost right? So what if it was because of her that Om Kapoor remembered his past life?

This also makes me think that she probably realised that she HAD in fact, fallen for Om Makhija, and that as she took her last breaths, after Mukesh came back and buried her under the jhoomar, she was thinking of her moments with Om Makhija, thinking of how he was the one that made her feel loved.

And also now I know I'm going down a spiral

But Imagine Shanti dies as she is thinking about Om, and then when she turns into a ghost, she spends all those years roaming around the studio, reminiscing in what little time she had spent with Om and hoping that Om lived his life and became a big superstar and that he might just come back to the studios but being disappointed when he doesn't. But then he does, and Shanti sees him, and realises that even though it's been so many years, Om still looks the same, and the realisation that Om died trying to save her hits her. And she wishes to meet him, but she can't, because she's a ghost, and he doesn't even remember everything. So she decides to make him remember everything. And then, then when Om remembers everything, and steps up to take revenge, she decides to become his shield of protection against Mukesh. And so everytime Mukesh is just about to catch onto Om's plans, Shanti does something that keeps Mukesh at bay, until, she realises that Om's plans probably won't work, as she knows how much of a bastard Mukesh is, and so, When Sandy is running from Mukesh, and she wounds herself, Shanti does not distract Mukesh, and then, then she kills Mukesh.

Also, the fact that as Shanti's ghost kills Mukesh and then looks at Om, tears in her eyes, perfectly aligns with my theory that Shanti realised her love towards Om only in her dying moments