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cerealcelery · 24 hours ago

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literally me after reading this

THE WAY RAGATHAS SMILE FLICKERED!!!!!

the carnival adventure was so funny

this fic was so adorable, my roman empire rn 😭😭

Matchmaker Caine

Chapter 1: Funny…CAINE!

Summary:

Jax and Pomni did not ask for these side-adventures Caine keeps pulling them into. Looks like Caine is starting to play favorites…but not in a good way.

———————————————————————————

It was Pomni’s first time in the digital carnival. She noted it was as over-saturated as the circus, enough to cause an eye twitch. The Sun smiled eerily overhead, watching the cast follow Caine through. Fireworks exploded, even though it was noon. Music blared from nowhere and everywhere at once. There was so much noise, but no NPCs to make it feel like it was a real carnival. Technically, it was an in-house adventure. Just us then, she thought.

“Ooh, can we go on the rollercoaster first?” chirped Gangle excitedly.

Jax snorted. “Wow, Gangle. Didn’t strike me as the bold type. I imagine you’d fly off the ride and tangle somewhere painful.”

“Why would you imagine that?” she whimpered, tears swaying back and forth as she walked.

“Oh, look! It’s the Sun!” pointed Kinger.

The cast lined up to ride the coaster. It didn’t look safe, lacking seatbelts and all. One by one, the characters mounted, first Kinger, then Gangle, Zooble, and finally Ragatha. Pomni stepped up to the gate.

A glowing sign popped into existence beside Pomni.

TOO SHORT

Pomni blinked at it.

“…What? How am I too short to ride? Are you kidding me, Caine—you’re short too!”

Caine spun around, pointing a finger to his chin. “I AM?”

TOO SHORT popped up next to him, flashing with a sad noise.

He slumped. “I AM :(”

Before she could reply, a hand grabbed Pomni’s arms and flailed them around like the noodles they are.

“Awww, is someone too short to ride?” Jax cooed with a massive grin. “Too bad you’re small as a flea.”

He moved past her and took a step. TOO TALL blinked above his head. Karma.

His grin looked like it had been smacked off. “…Seriously???”

“How sad,” deadpanned Pomni.

He crossed his arms. “Now wait a minute, isn’t Kinger taller than me? There’s gotta be a glitch or somethin’.”

He pulled Pomni by the wrist toward another attraction. They darted from booth to booth in a half-desperate, half-petty mission to prove the ride height thing was a glitch. Every attempt failed in increasingly stupid ways.

The carousel? LOAD LIMIT REACHED. No one was even on the ride.

The arcade? Locked to VIPS ONLY. Who even are the VIPS??

The vending machine? ERROR: INVALID LIMB LENGTH. Jax kicked it in a tantrum.

Even the kids zone rejected them, a toy baby crawling up to Pomni and crying, TOO MATURE.

Zooble and Ragatha got off the ride. Gangle pulled at Kinger, who had fallen asleep during the loop-de-loop.

Pomni trudged over, cheeks red with frustration. Ragatha gave her a sympathetic smile.

“It’s okay, Pomni. You’ll get your chance to ride next time, I’m sure!” she said warmly. “Don’t let it ruin your day.”

Pomni managed a smile. “Thanks. I just…really wanted to try the rollercoaster.”

“We can come back to the carnival later if you’d like,” she reached out a hand to touch Pomni’s shoulder.

Pomni dodged it, giving her an awkward smile. “Yeah…I’d really like that.”

Behind her, Jax was kicked out of a photo booth by a cartoon leg. Pomni giggled when he fell on his behind.

Ragatha’s smile flickered for half a second. “Make sure to be careful, alright?”

Pomni tilted her head. “Er—of what?”

Ragatha didn’t answer.

Caine swooped in front of them. “MY, MY! SEEING AS NEITHER OF YOU CAN GO ON ANY OF TODAY’S RIDES, YOU’LL HAVE TO GO ON A DIFFERENT ADVENTURE!”

“Or you can fix this damn glitch!” yelled Jax. He hated this, it was so unfair.

Bubble floated by, uninvited. “They should go on a date, boss!”

“YOU’RE SO RIGHT, BUBBLE!” Caine gasped with delight. He did a little dance in the air.

Jax got up. “What.”

“No—“ Pomni tried to protest, but it was too late.

With a snap of fingers, she and Jax stood at the entrance of a dreamy seaside café. It glowed pastel greens and blues, with pink clouds and the sea, motionless and inaudible, in the background.

Pomni reached up to touch her head with her free hand. No hat. Her hair, previously a mystery, now fell softly around her face. Wait. Free hand?

She looked down. Her other hand was clasped in Jax’s.

He stared at her. She stared back. Awkward.

Caine clapped from somewhere above. “OFF YOU GO NOW!”

An NPC waiter ushered them to an empty table, taking their order.

Jax was in a slick purple suit and pink vest. She wore a pleated rainbow skirt and a black button- up with puffed sleeves. Her mismatched red and blue shoes were swapped with a pair of black mary janes, yellow knee-length socks covered her legs. He had to admit it was adorable, especially the hair.

He shifted in his chair and rested a hand on his cheek. “You look pretty.”

All Pomni could respond with was “‘kay.” She sipped at her drink to hide the smile that was forming. How was she supposed to react to a compliment from Jax? She did feel pretty, though. Good to know I’m not bald.

He grinned. “Pretty stupid.”

“You look pretty stupid yourself,” she shot back.

They smirked at each other across a table that was definitely meant for two.

Now what?

Elsewhere, in a dark room glowing only from the light of an old CRT TV, Caine sat dramatically with a tub of popcorn, watching the pair like it was an episode of The Bachelor. Bubble hovered in his vision.

“OUT OF THE WAY, BUBBLE.” He popped a kernel in his mouth, which fell to the floor. “MY SHOW IS ON!”

——

A few days passed since the “date” adventure. No one really brought it up or questioned why it even happened. Not even Jax. It’s not like it mattered, anyway. Caine forced it to happen, and there probably wasn’t even a glitch in the first place.

Wait, why did Caine force them into a date?

Pomni wandered in the direction of the common room, deep in thought, when she was intercepted mid-step.

“HELLO, POMNI!” Caine popped into existence.

“Caine—what are you—”

SNAP.

Pomni blinked. Then slowly looked down at herself.

Her outfit changed again. Oversized purple hoodie under pink overalls. Her hat was changed to bunny ears. Oh no.

“CAINE! Why would you—ugh, no!!” she yelled at Caine, who had disappeared.

She started to panic. This is a disaster… I can’t let Jax see me like this, she thought.

Ragatha and Gangle were nearby. Nuh-uh. She ducked into a random corner and took cover behind a stack of technicolor blocks, nearly slipping.

“Close one.“

She didn’t notice Jax hiding next to her.

Their heads turns slowly, eyes widening as they looked each other up and down.

Jax was also a victim of Caine’s tomfoolery. His overalls were traded out for a T-shirt and pants. It seemed like he was wearing Pomni’s blue and red gloves.

His shirt…Pomni’s face with #1 FAN in giant letters.

They continued to stare at each other…then they burst out laughing.

“Hey Pomni,” Jax wheezed, pointing at his ridiculous shirt. “Check it out! I’m your number one fan!”

Pomni snorted. “You’re hiding here too? Oh god.”

They leaned on each other as they laughed like idiots.

“Is Caine pranking us or something?” She managed to let out between laughs. “Does he secretly despise us for being friends or something? Or is he getting back at you for being such an asshole?”

“Nah, I’d say the first one. This was an attack and we were unprepared.”

——

Meanwhile, Zooble sat on the common room couch, arms and legs crossed, unamused.

“ISN’T THIS WONDERFUL, ZOOBLE? MY SHIP IS SAILING! IF I’M GOING TO HAVE A COUPLE IN MY CIRCUS, IT’S THOSE TWO!” Caine was practically buzzing.

Zooble stared. “…Right. And did you tell them they have to kiss to end the adventure?” Which is totally cringe.

Caine paused. “AH—NO… NOT EXACTLY.”

“Caine…”

POP

Caine vanished and reappeared directly above the hideout—just in time to see Jax doubled over laughing and collapsing onto Pomni, who was also red-faced and breathless from giggling. From above, it looked like something…else.

Caine’s jaw dropped.

He disappeared with a snap, then reappeared in Zooble’s triangular face, screaming.

“ZOOBLE!!”

Zooble jumped and screamed back. “WHAT!!.?”

“OH ZOOBLE… THEY ALREADY FINISHED UP THE ADVENTURE. EVEN WITHOUT TELLING THEM HOW TO…” Caine’s sniffed, eyes watery.

“I—are you crying?”

“S-SAILING…!”

Zooble facepalmed. Never take Caine seriously.

Pop.

Confetti exploded over Jax and Pomni’s heads.

Their outfits switched back to normal. “ADVENTURE COMPLETED” floated briefly above them in bubble letters.

Pomni wiped confetti off her hat. “Wait—what?”

She realized the position they were in. “Get off me, Jax. C’mon, up!” She pushed his chest with her foot.

“This is how you treat your number one fan, Pom?” he grinned as he got up, still giddy from laughter. She smiled when he held out his hand and pulled her up to her feet.

———————————————————————————

Thanks for reading! This chapter was an adaptation of the Matchmaker Caine AU comics I made so far (yeahhh lore).

It’s my first time writing a fanfic so I’m kinda nervous BUT I’m so excited to bring the ideas to life!

Also I’m waiting on an AO3 account to properly post these chapters, so in the meanwhile you’ll only find em here :3

More info about this fanfic:

Jax/Pomni (platonic), Jax/Pomni (romantic), Ragatha/Pomni (one-sided crush), Caine/Moon (romantic), Jax/Kinger (son-father relationship), Gangle/Jax (platonic), Kinger/Queenie (romantic), jealous Ragatha, protective Jax, Soft Jax, slow burn, wholesome, fluff, light angst, good vibes, character development

Matchmaker Caine AU Masterpost

#ao3 #never die funnybunny #we love baguettenjoyer el oh l #funnybunny #tadc

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