chain-of-words - Tumblr blog

[chain-of-words]

I look at the mirror,

I see my reflection,

I see a wobbly belly,

A body chubbier down the waist,

Skinnier from the breast

and a skin that lacks glass perfection.

I look at the mirror,

I see my reflection,

I see a rejected intern,

guiltful expenses, a disorganized room

and eyes with muddled ambitions.

I look at the mirror,

I see my reflection,

I see an unhappy family,

Echoes & echoes

Of a drunk father, a weeping mother,

and a child crying for attention.

I look at the mirror,

I see my reflection,

I see crowded evenings,

But lonely nights,

Tears on the pillow covers

forced laughter after a fight.

Is it really me?

Do I look like this?

I again look at the mirror,

I see my reflection.

I smiled as the tears trickled,

They say, it's all just the game of perception,

So,I let them all stay in deception.

[chain-of-words]

I understand.

I understand, you not letting me 

Fly away to the farthest sky

To twirl around in the dreamful of clouds.

To feel the passion residing in the sun beams.

I understand you're scared I will abandon my roots,

 and forget how your soil feels.

So I stayed.

I stayed wrapped in the mud you call, "Love",

Sinking deeper & deeper inside it, until it consumes all of me. 

My name, my heart, my body, my art. 

I understand.

I understand the chaos inside you,

The burning fire of distress.

I knew you wanted my hand,

A hand to escape this heat.

I tried to pull you out

But my muscles broke in defeat.

So I take you in my arms.

 burning myself along 

Until your chaos turnt calm.

"Don't go", you said.

So I stayed burning in the fire you call "love",

Turning every inch of my flesh into ashes until it consumes all of me. 

My name, my heart, my body, my art. 

I understand.

But, today you asked me, "what have you ever done?"

I didn't know what to say.

I didn't understand.

So I walked away.

Further & further from your sight.

To restore,

My name, my heart, my body, my art.

I won't understand anymore.

[chain-of-words]

//Stupid Rainy day//

Listening to the sound of raindrops

jumping like a happy puppy on my rooftop

A light passes through my mind

projecting a blurry image 

inside my closed eyes.

The image starts moving.

I can hear the similar sound of rain.

But here, the drops are jumping 

over a red umbrella.

Under which you & I are trying to fit in

like the glass shoe into Cinderella.

As I unconsciously step into a puddle,

my white sneakers turns brown

embarrassed of my clumsy self,

I turned red and looked down 

I remember you said,

"it's okay, it's just a stupid rainy day"

Our arms collide as we start walking

we move it away

and pretend like it was nothing.

As if our hearts didn't pound louder 

than the thuds of the rain drops 

falling on the road.

As if you didn't desire to feel 

the warmth of my embrace, 

hoping to melt your heart

that has been cold since an early age.

But we blew all this away

like an eyelash on an 8 year old's fist

Hoping that someday

these desires, we now resist

will come true when time permits.

Today we are laying under the same rain

hearing the same thuds of raindrops.

You & I are breathing together,

But under different rooftops.

I again jump into a puddle,

A Puddle of past.

splashing the mud of our memories

that doesn't wash away so fast.

It's an emotional catastrophe

for me, whenever it rains,

As it always reminds me

Of us on that evening of May.

Instead of soil, 

the rain brings to my nostrils

your fragrance by a strange way,

But for you it's still,

"just another stupid rainy day."

[chain-of-words]

Ish? Ish? Ishita??

Oh oh sorry..ya Roy, what happened?

You're so lost today. Are you thinking about Dev again?

No no no, umm I was just..

Okay stop it, you know you can't lie to your best friend Ish. Spit it out!

No it's nothing serious, I was just thinking about how every person has a different concept of love. Some say it should be equal from both sides and some say it must be unconditional no matter what. 

Ya I know and it's true but what made you think about this?

Actually..leave, it won't make any sense.

Wow, could you be any more annoying? You know you always make sense to me, now cut this crap and say it.

Actually Roy, all my life I did believe that loving someone was a selfless deed. It's not love if you keep counting your efforts expecting them to pay it back cause the first time, I saw dev's cheeks forming into little apples everytime he smiled, I knew this was the only thing I ever needed in return. But on some days I feel I should have kept a count of my efforts. Now it feels like my heart is sinked in his unpaid debts. As if I am running out of all the love that I gave away for free. Now when I run my fingers into my heart, trying to find whatever love that's  left inside so that I could give it to him each time I hear his "sorrys", I just find a big hole there. Maybe that's why I didn't realize, when the fuck I lost my last ounce of love that I saved for myself.

Roy, I just want to run back to all the lanes I once walked by to gather all the love that I scattered on my way but guess what, roads of life don't work that way. 

Her eyes filled up and she looked away. I put my arm around her and she buried her face in my shoulder.

Ish.. look at me!. Listen, as long as I am with you, you're not going to run out of any love okay? I can feed you the extra large pizza of love everyday. 

She sighed. Why are you so sweet Roy? And why isn't Dev like you? Ugh!

Well, I have a better question. What the heck was that "running out of love" speech ha? When did you start talking such deep shit?

She giggles. I become a writer when I break down.

Haan then stay broken, at least I won't have to deal with your immature side then.

Oh really? As if you don't keep..

*phone rings*

 Roy.. It's him, he is calling, Dev is calling, should I pick it up or not? Say na? tell me fast!

Umm..I don't know

ahh.. you're worthless. Leave! I'll go for it. 

She takes a deep breath as she answers the call. I just sat quietly trying to figure out what he was saying but I could only hear her words that were : "Hmm? So what now Dev, you're not gonna say anything? ..This happens every fucking time….. but efforts in a relationship works both ways na?... You just never understand.

And after a while I saw her sobbing and then she went silent. I asked if she is okay, she signalled me that she is fine and that she is still on the call. She again signalled me by making that weird face she always makes and I understood that Dev is crying over the phone. I knew what was coming next.

As I thought, after an hour I heard her saying it's okay in a timid voice which was followed by a "I love you too". I see her smiling now. I wish I could tell her that after my mom, hers is the most beautiful smile I have ever seen and I could fight any battle to keep it safe on her lips. I wish I could tell her I am better than Dev, that I could be at my worst but still won't make her cry cause I know it will break me into million pieces before it breaks her. I wish I could tell Dev to treat her right cause there is someone out here dying to make her feel the kind of love she thinks doesn't exist. 

Well I can just wish and she is meant to be wished for, she is special. She says she is running out of love but I know, love is all that she is made up of, she can never run out of it, she is love.

[chain-of-words]

I stepped into the new city,

full of people and lights.

I got lost in it's aroma

like a toddler watching the sky.

Strolling around at night,

my eyes stumbled upon a star.

Twinkling in hues of red,

out shining the moon from afar.

The star had hair locks

that curled upon her cheeks.

With dimples playing with her smile

a little game of hide & seek.

Hand carved in delicate features,

she had a little red nose

and big round eyes full of glitters.

Wrapped in a glowing brown skin,

she looked like a gift from god

that every beating heart craved to win.

But she only came up to me,

and in no time we became friends

as if we were destined to be.

We were different,

She closed her eyes

on retro classical songs

and banging my head over EDM,

to Eminem's raps I sang along.

But yet, we had our one song

that had the beats I loved

And the lyrics she longed.

We were different,

She was the debate champion of our college

And I was seen in silent corners,

enjoying my own solace.

But yet, only I understood her words

and only she heard my silence.

Everyone said to us-

"You guys should date"

But who dared to loose someone like her

for so called another "heart break".

What happened after that?

Sitting beside me asked the little brat.

I said, she is still my soulmate

the one who heard my silence,

the one I didn't date.

It was 11:30 at night

yet with utmost curiosity

his eyes were shimmering bright.

Where is she now? he said.

I told him, I'll tell you but after that

you will go to bed.

He nodded in delight.

In my trembling voice I said,

Although her home is very far

but strolling around in night,

when your eyes stumbles upon a star.

Twinkling in hues of red,

out shining the moon from afar.

You will know, that's her.

I know, it's her.

[chain-of-words]

The Touch

I read dozen of poetries,

heard thousands of songs,

speaking of touches

in bewildering words.

But only today

I felt the bodily collision,

trying to paint all of me

in tints of seduction.

He softly brushed

his fingers on my curves.

Moving his wet lips on me,

shivering my nerves.

With all his manly aura

he held me tight,

I felt him breathe on me

every second that night.

The perfect set of teeth,

that floated upon his smile,

is now sinking deep,

in waves of my breast,

leaving scars till my senile.

My low moaning echoed

in the empty room,

awakening his half asleep lust,

pushing my faith to it's doom.

Putting on his clothes

of artificial sanity,

He whispered,

"You have been a good girl"

and left quickly.

Numb and confused,

I stood there in silence,

But, through my thighs

came dripping,

the red tale of violence.

The songs of spring,

The poems of erotica,

I read them all in vain.

Inking poetries on

the touch of youth

And passion that it ignites,

they all ignored the touches

that were unasked & disliked.

When I tried to restrain,

shushing me up my mom said

"Be good to your uncle,

have some shame."

so I bit my lip sucking all my pain.

In obeying her, I succeeded.

But how long you & I have to be good?

"Answer me!", I pleaded.

-Jinjiri

[chain-of-words]

I Feel You!

Stretching my eyelids

wide and big,

My eyes seeks you

But you're nowhere to be seen.

Tired of this hide & seek,

they shuts themselves down,

And there you came out,

flowing through my cheeks.

A drop of you fell

on our first photograph.

We both were smiling,

But now, it's just one of us.

I can't look at it anymore

So I moved away.

Hugged the sweater you left

And let it bathe.

It still smells like cookies,

the ones you used to bake.

I feel you're still here

in little bits and pieces of air.

I feel you a little

in my pointed red nose,

that you said, looks just like yours.

And a little in your lullabies,

that still rings in my ears,

like the morning bees.

But, yet I wish I could

feel you again in whole.

To hug you a little longer,

And kiss you a lot more.

I wish you were here, Grand ma.

Looking at the stars, I cried.

I know you won't reply me,

cause that's my damn fate.

But, then it rains

softly patting my face,

As if whispering to me,

Go home my child, it's getting late!

-By Jinjiri Konwar

[chain-of-words]

She- It's funny.

He- What's funny?

She- It feels like, just yesterday my heart skipped a beat when you texted- "I have been wanting to tell you something."

He- Your heart skipped a beat? Mine was racing a Marathon. I searched the hell out of google all week finding ways to propose you .

She- And then you ended up with a text message. How innovative!

He- I was too nervous to face you and anyway, I was in 9th standard what else you expect?

She- Whatever! But ya I get it, I was nervous too, not just when you proposed me but even after we got together. I remember, how fast I used to untangle my messy hair whenever you randomly face timed me. I used to try every dress in my wardrobe just for tuitions cause you'll be there. I was cautious about my voice on phone, what I am saying, everything!

He- And look at you now, lazing in bed in those pikachu PJs and drooling over the pillow every time you sleep.

She- Exactly, that's what I find funny. Like, we all try so hard to be perfect when we find someone although, what we really wanted all our lives was someone to love our imperfections. And may be that's why relationships doesn't work, the more real people get with time, it gets more tough to be with eachother.

He- Yeah true, I am glad you still choose to be with me even after knowing that I like pineapple pizza.

She- That's still annoying, but I am stuck with you besides, who else will like a girl who wears pikachu PJs on her honeymoon night. *winks*

He- *kisses her forehead* I love you.

She- I know.

*Perfect by Ed Sheeran plays in the background*

[chain-of-words]

Sometimes even if we know there is love from both sides we still crave to hold on to that "more than a friend" vibe a little longer before the real relationship starts.

It's like, you want your blooming sunny love to turn into a starry night you both share, but you doubt if the stars will remain forever so, you are kinda stuck in the eve ,taking a pause,watching the sunset till the dusk comes.

-Jinjiri

[chain-of-words]

People have chapters that isn't inked for everyone to read, they rather choose few good pages and puts it for display.So,don't judge the whole book on those few pages you just read. STAY KIND🌻

Sending a virtual hug to all those who have hidden their dark chapters.STAY STRONG!

[chain-of-words]

YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT.

You're not worth it,

That's what they say

When I wait & wait for you

being your lunatic prey.

It's all okay now,that's what I say.

But strolling around the streets,

You once passed by.

I remember you

Lingering your soft fingers with mine.

I don't love how

My skin feels now.

It's just dead & dry

As if you took all the moisture

Except the ones in my eyes.

You're not worth it,

That's what they say

When I weep & weep for you,

being your lunatic prey.

It's not like I am not happy,

I still go around beaches

With sand I still play,

Smiling through the breeze,

Till my barefoot feels the waves,

All cold, all blue, all frail.

Rushing through my toes,

Back again in sea it goes,

Just like you, it comes

And leaves.

Just like it, my heart is now

All cold, all blue, all frail.

May be you belong there

In the deep dark ocean sphere,

But yet, I stand there still,

Looking fondly at the drops

You left on my feet.

You're not worth it,

That's what they say

When I think & think of you,

Being your lunatic prey.

I knew you weren't worth it,

When you first lied,

I knew you weren't worth it,

When I found you were in disguise.

Yet I thought

you could be worth it

When time flies by,

You could be worth it,

If I always tried.

But you weren't worth it,

That's what I say,

Now I only write & write for you

Being your lunatic prey.

By-Jinjiri Konwar

[chain-of-words]

Does love has stages?

May be it's not the love that has stages,

It's just us who go though changes.

We resist,We accept,We dream.

It's just us,who keeps changing.

The love was just the same,in the beginning,

in the end and all that's in between.

We hop on from music to lyrics,

Vibing to tunes of lovelorn to euphoria beats to high notes of sanguine.

We hum,We dance,We sing.

It's just us who keeps changing.

The love was just the same, in the beginning,

in the end and all that's in between.

Time knocks in like hot summer,

Stripping down every layer till our souls are naked,

From the anxiety of all the First times,

to the comfort in the last,

We pretend,We sigh,We beam.

It's just us who keeps changing.

The love was just the same in the beginning,

in the end and all that's in between.

The somersaulting heart now beats slow.

Sometimes it's happy,sometimes it's sore.

Sometimes tired,Sometimes secure.

All of that, this poor heart has seen,

We break,We heal,We live.

As,it's just us who keeps changing.

The love was just the same in the beginning,

in the end and all that's in between.

-by Jinjiri Konwar.