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chestcongestion · 4 months ago

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Losing Your Grippe- Ch.4: Ha//zbin Ho/tel

This was way longer of a chapter than I was originally expecting, but I am ultimately very satisfied with how it turned out, I sincerely believe and hope it was worth the wait!

Fic is under the cut as always, I hope you guys enjoy!

Word Count: 9,275

Content Warnings: Contagion, Current events-adjacent disease testing (mentions of rapid tests and antigens and whatnot)

On the other side of Pentagram City, Angel Dust was reclining in a chair while waiting for his turn on set.

Valentino had come up with a brilliant idea for a porn where two security guards fuck a jewel thief as punishment for breaking into the museum they work for, but there had been a few setbacks during filming. The usual cinematographers were out sick, and the two burly actors playing the security guards would have been out, but there was no one their size on the employee roster left to replace them.

“Hn’KtShoo! Mm… I’m sorry, I think I’m holding the wrong script… I’m ‘Guard One’ and you’re ‘Guard Two’,” Axel, a rhinoceros demon with a spike collar neck tattoo and industrial piercings in his ears, said.

“Shiiit dude, you’re right, we’ve been memorizing the wrong scripts- HDd’TsShihh! HhdD’Tshhhuh!” Hummer, a muscular barracuda demon with translucent neck and back fins, said as he struggled to stay on his own two feet, his nose trickling down his face, in spite of constant sniffling to avoid such a fate.

“Idiots! Pull yourselves together, I don’t understand why you’re both bumbling around when we’re on a schedule… god, for nerds I recycled from Voxxy’s staff, you two are idiots,” Valentino grumbled, folding his arms in between fits of furiously slapping at his copy of the script.

“I feel hot,” Axel complained, fanning himself off with the script.

“I feel cold… H-HhDd’TSHhuhh! Hnk’Tschhuh!” Hummer said, followed by a heavy sniffle as he rubbed his upper arms in an attempt to warm his damp skin.

“Waaah waah waah, excuses excuses, I’m freezing my ass off but you don’t hear me complaining about anything but your piss poor performance!” Valentino shouted into his cupped hands, turning to cough into his fuzzy sleeve after raising his voice irritated his throat, “kHHF! KHFF!”

“Val… I-ihh…Ih’PsShuu! Ih’PSshuu!- stop shouting… my head hurts,” Velvette complained from her small platform of blankets and cushions next to Valentino’s chair. Her bedroom was being fumigated after a cleaner found two nests of hornets under the floorboards, and because she was too exhausted and feverish to be left alone, Valentino was charged with keeping an eye on her while he worked. Velvette’s hair was pinned up in a loose ponytail of dense curls, a few flyaways and stray hairs poking out of the style and sweat trickling down from her hairline as she shivered in her fleece button-up pajamas patterned with hearts and swirls.

“I’m so sorry, pequeñita…I-Ihh’PTsShhEW!- euch- I’ll try to keep it down,” Valentino replied, his voice slightly rough as he took a swig of his cosmopolitan, coughing harshly into his fist after the alcohol stung his raw throat, “Hurry it up and try agai-ihh… IiH’PTSshhhEW! Ih’PTsShhiiiew!”

Axel and Hummer got back into position and attempted to run through the scene again, Axel grimacing as his joints ached intensely every time he took a step or bent down to grab something.

“I just checked the… snff!- the perimeter a’d the… SnFFF! Snff!- the back door is ope’d… Hh’hnkk-TsSchoo!” Axel read, his nose beginning to drip until his sniffles became snorts, “SnRK-snrk!- fuck- Did you check the camberas for the back door to see if a’dyode- Snrk!-”

Before Axel could finish his line, the first line in the entire script, he was interrupted by Valentino throwing a box of tissues at the side of his head.

“Oww!”

“If I wanted a bumbling idiot who couldn’t enunciate the letters ‘m’ and ‘n’, I promise there’s meatheads way hotter than you who I could’ve paid a lot less, say your lines right, idiot!” Valentino hissed, squeaking indignantly as his antennae twitched before turning to cough into his fist.

“Mby ndose is stuffed up- SnRkk!- I ca’d barely breathe,” Axel argued, wilting a bit from exhaustion as a trickle of mess threatened to run down his face before he wiped at it with a balled-up tissue.

“Hurry up and blow your nose or I’ll punch you in that hunk of ivory in the middle of your face and unstuff it myself!”

“Val, please,” Velvette groaned, grabbing her pillow and using it to cover her head, whimpering in pain before letting out an aggressive, hacking cough, “Oh for fuck’s sake- KHFFF KOFF khff khhuff!- I need to- KHFFF kHFFF!- take some more cough syrup.”

“You’ve already had a dose three times, Velvette, you need to save the last two doses for tonight, you can’t have anymore,” Valentino said, quietly taking the bottle of raspberry-flavored cough syrup out of Velvette’s hands and stowing it away in his pocket, only for the fashion designer to start clawing at his coat in retaliation, “Ow- OW! Velvette, cut it out!”

“You’re being a prick, give it to me,” Velvette hissed, weakly throwing a punch at Val’s leg only to wilt back into her small nest of quilts, “I… I need it.”

Exhausted and covered in febrile sweat, Velvette shivered and wrapped herself in a throw blanket, glancing back up at Valentino with a pitiful look in her eyes.

“You can have some more cough syrup later, I promise… KHhf-khff!” Val promised, moving a piece of Velvette’s sweat-dampened hair out of her face, even as his own eyelids began to droop.

In the middle of watching all of the chaos during the shoot, Angel felt someone tugging on his sleeve, and turned to see Papermint- Vox’s assistant- standing sheepishly next to him while holding a small vial and a long swab.

“What’sa matter wit’ you? Whadda you want?” Angel asked, having grown slightly irritable throughout the day due to a mixture of the commotion and a slight headache that seemed to develop out of nowhere.

“Mr. Angel Dust, I need you to open your mouth,” Papermint muttered, shuffling in place in an attempt to shove down any visible nervousness.

Angel scoffed, “Oh dat’s rich, for a shrimp like you it’s 50 bucks to see my tongue, 100 for the uvula, and 200 more if ya want me to do anythin’ else while my mouth’s open.”

Papermint chuckled, adjusting his glasses with the hand that wasn’t holding the swab, “No, no- uhm… because Ms. Velvette was diagnosed with the flu yesterday, company policy dictates that all VoxTech associates undergo diagnostic testing for at least a week as a precaution,” he said, “I have to swab your tongue and the back of your throat, and you should get your results via SMS message in a few hours.”

Angel sighed, shrugging his shoulders and turning to face Papermint properly, “Alright, if it’s policy I guess I gotta do it anyways,” he said, gently massaging his temple with one hand, grimacing at the dull throbbing pain beneath his skull.

“Excellent!” Papermint cheered, gently holding the swab in front of Angel’s mouth, “Say ‘Aaah’.”

“Aaaaah,” Angel droned, his voice straining a bit as Papermint swabbed along his tongue, underneath his tongue, and at the back of his throat.

“I’m impressed, most people I’ve had to swab have gagged and choked even when I’m only swabbing further back on their tongue,” Papermint said with a warm smile, only to shudder upon realizing who he was speaking to, “Oh… ohhh.”

“There we go, glad ya figured that one out on yer own,” Angel said with a smirk, rolling his eyes and taking a sip of water from the bottle next to his chair, “How’d I do, shrimp? My throat look nice and pretty?”

Papermint chewed on his tongue, flushing slightly as Angel batted his eyelashes and winked playfully at him, “A-about as attractive as an individual’s internal cavities can look, Mr. Angel Dust!” he said.

Angel giggled, “Good answer,” he said, gently cupping Papermint’s cheek in his hand and giving it a few flirtatious taps, “Alright, now get lost, I gotta get ready for my cue if they ever get past the first two lines.”

“Y-yes, of course, thank you for your cooperation with the testing! I’ll leave a few rapid testing kits near your chair for you to take home, enjoy the rest of the shoot!” Papermint said with a wave.

Angel waved back, turning to look back at the set and wincing once the shouting and throwing of chairs aggravated his slowly-building headache, “U ugh, I’m gonna be sittin’ in this chair forever,” he groaned, tugging at his eyelids.

“It cannot be that difficult to get your lines right, we haven’t gotten past the first page of this goddamn script and it’s been two hours!” Valentino screamed, throwing his copy of the script at Axel as his eye twitched.

“Ow!” Axel whined, rubbing his head after the script made impact.

“Fuck off! Do better or I’ll… I’ll… i-Ihh… hhh! Hihh-!” Valentino began, scrubbing at the center of his face and sniffling, “Ihh-”

“HnK’TSHOOO!” Axel sneezed.

“i-IHH’PshHhue!” then Velvette.

“I-IhH’PsSHHHiIEW!” then Valentino.

A flicker of blue static appeared in the center of the studio before Vox took its place, clasping his hands together, his back panel open and an unamused look on his face.

“Alright, I have seen enough,” Vox sighed, “Shoot’s canceled, we’re done here.”

Vox turned to address the actors and crew that were still on set, “Filming is postponed until further notice, all of you are free to go home, building staff will hand you a week’s worth of rapid testing kits on your way out, but you are free to leave,” he said.

A majority of the cinematographers and audio technicians put their equipment away before hurrying out of the studio, eager to enjoy their time off.

Vox approached Valentino’s chair, gently planting a kiss on the back of his neck and pressing a cool metallic hand against his forehead, “They’re all going home, you are coming with me to get swab tested,” he said, his voice soft as he gently wiped the sweat from Valentino’s face and turned to address Velvette, “and you are going straight to bed.”

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Velvette pouted, leaning against Vox’s side after he pulled her to her feet, struggling to stand up straight, “M-my room’s still full of hornetss.”

“Not your bed, Vel, our bed,” Vox chuckled, hoisting Velvette into his arms and rubbing the hot skin on her neck and shoulder with a cool hand.

“Oh… alright then,” Velvette sighed, pressing her face against Vox’s chest as he carried her, quietly fading in and out of consciousness as Vox walked through the halls, into the elevator, and back up to their penthouse at the top of the tower.

Upon finally registering her new surroundings, Velvette yawned and whimpered in frustration when Vox peeled her away from him and set her down in his and Valentino’s shared bed, covering her shivering form with a blanket.

“Noooo- Khhf khff!- come back, don’t leave me in here,” Velvette whined, tugging on Vox’s sleeve and staring up at him with shimmering eyes.

“I’ll be right back, I promise, I’m just going into the bathroom with Val, I’ll be right out,” Vox said, gently twirling a lock of Velvette’s hair around his finger before letting go and walking a few paces into the master bathroom, where Valentino was leaning against the sink and grimacing at the swab for the rapid flu test.

“Papi, where do I stick it?” Valentino asked, pulling off his glasses and cleaning them off with a paper towel before pushing them back onto his face, “I-Ihh’PTsSChhiiew!”

“Peel the plastic off and then swab the top and sides of your tongue and the back of your throat,” Vox explained.

“How far back?”

“This is a swab test, not a blowjob, right around your tonsils is fine,”

“What the fuck are tonsils? Khhfff-KHFF!”

“The fleshy round things in the back of your throat that swell up when you get sick,”

“What are you talking about?”

Vox rolled his eyes, swiping around on his screen and pulling up his ‘Internals Close Up’ app that allowed Papermint and his technicians to get a better look at his throat using two cameras attached to the roof of his mouth, “Okay, see where the uvula is?” he asked.

Valentino squinted at the screen before nodding.

“Look behind it, see those two things poking out behind my tongue?”

“Mhm,”

“Those are my tonsils, everyone has them,”

“That’s trippy,” Valentino said, prying his mouth open wide with his fingers before swabbing his tongue and throat, moaning in satisfaction upon swabbing around his newly-discovered tonsils, “Nghgkk, Koff-khfff!”

Vox winced, “You alright?”

Valentino removed the swab, drooling a bit as he took his fingers out of his mouth, flashing a slightly loopy smile, “M mm that felt good, it’s like getting your back scratched but in your mouth,” he sighed, “I wanna do it again, my throat itches so bad.”

Vox looked down at Valentino’s crotch and rolled his eyes, “Val, for the love of God, it shouldn’t be that easy to get you hard,” he said, looking away and placing the swab inside of a tube of fluid, shaking it up before smearing the wet swab onto the testing strip.

“It’s not my fault that my dick responds whenever I feel good, Voxxy, don’t be a prude… I-Ihh’PtSchhiEW!” Valentino replied, his flirtatious tone fading after his sneeze, the feeling of the cold bathroom floor against his feet making him shiver.

Vox squinted at the testing strip, watching as the paper turned blue before quickly turning red, “Yup, positive, you’ve got the flu… how do you feel?” he asked, watching Valentino bracing himself against the water tank of the toilet.

“Uhmm… not too bad,” Val responded, cleaning off his glasses, with his sleeve, “Just a little tired… and cold… really cold.”

Vox turned on the hot water faucet of the master bathroom’s tub, switching on the shower and letting it run until steam began to fill the room, “Take a hot shower, I’ll get your pajamas,” he instructed, closing the bathroom door and walking back into the master bedroom of the penthouse, rummaging through a drawer and pulling out a pair of yellow silk pajamas covered in purple hearts, the only set of pajamas Valentino owned that covered his chest, stomach, and more than 50% of his legs.

“Did I- Khff!- get Val sick?” Velvette asked weakly, curled up in her blanket in the middle of the massive bed, “‘M sorry… I-ihh’Pshhuu!... didn’t think I was getting sick, now we’re gonna… KHff-khff-khff!- miss the summit.”

“The summit’s being pushed back, apparently everyone and their dog is sick at the moment, so there’d be no one in attendance, we’ll all be able to go when you’re feeling better,” Vox said reassuringly, pressing a hand to Velvette’s forehead, “103.”

“I feel absolutely horrid,” Velvette complained, tears in her eyes, “My head hurts, my back hurts, my throat hurts… I’d rather be on my fucking period.”

Vox winced, “You must really be miserable if that’s the case… want some medicine?” he asked.

Velvette shook her head, “Had too much already… can I have some tea? I’m thirsty,” she pleaded, her voice hoarse and cracking before she turned back towards her pillow to cough.

Vox gently motioned toward Velvette’s large metal cup, magically filling it three quarters of the way with hot liquid, and handing it over to Velvette, who eagerly took a sip.

“Nghh, it tastes different,” she croaked, “kHFff-Khff!”

“It’s peppermint, figured it might help your muscles and joints,” Vox said, stroking Velvette’s back as she coughed in between sips, “There we go, does that feel better?”

“Mhm,” Velvette replied, setting her cup down on the nightstand and curling back up into her blanket, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm, “snff-snff! ‘S good… making my ndose run, though.”

Vox plucked two tissues out of the box on the nightstand, gently holding them up to Velvette’s face and stroking her scalp as she emptied her sinuses into them until both tissues were thoroughly soaked, “Think you’ll be alright?” he asked.

Velvette nodded weakly, rubbing her eyes again as she settled against her pillow with a scratchy yawn, “I think so,” she mumbled, “Do mby eyes look puffy?”

Vox briefly glanced at Velvette’s eyelids, noticing that they seemed normal and inflammation-free, just accompanied by slight dark circles due to Velvette’s lack of restful sleep, “Not puffy at all, you just look tired… but that’s fine, you are tired,” he said with a smile.

“So tired,” Velvette replied.

THUMP!

Vox perked up, turning to look at the bathroom door and silently fretting about the possibility of Valentino falling, “I’ll be right back Vel,” he said hurriedly, walking into the bathroom and peeking behind the shower curtain.

Unfortunately, Vox’s worst suspicions were confirmed, and Valentino was sprawled out on his back in the bathtub, being pelted with comfortably warm water against his unbearably hot and flushed skin. Unable to hoist himself back up, the pornographer simply moaned in pain, staring at his beloved partner with glassy eyes.

“Val, what happened? Did you hurt yourself?” Vox asked, tugging anxiously on the wires in his neck and ignoring the sparks that flew as a result.

“Shhh shhh, it’s fine,” Valentino said, his voice hushed and soft as he struggled to his feet with Vox’s help, his legs shaking, “Just got really dizzy all of a sudden, then out of nowhere my legs gave out… I feel a lot worse now, is that s’posed to happen?”

“Yes, it usually gets worse on an exponential curve and hits pretty fast,” Vox sighed, pressing his palm against Val’s forehead, “102…2.4… 2.6… 2.8… 103… 3.2… 3.5.”

“I feel hot,” Valentino complained hoarsely as he leaned against Vox for support, “Khh-KHFF! Khfff!”

Unable to muster up the energy to hold his hand to his mouth, Valentino’s harsh and raspy cough was released into the open air, with particles quickly hitting the sensitive wires and circuit boards that were tucked away in Vox’s back panel- which was still hanging wide open haphazardly.

Vox was so focused on looking after Valentino that he didn’t even feel the moisture brushing up against his delicate circuitry, and instead just patted Valentino on the back after he coughed, “It’s okay, once you put your pajamas on I’ll bring you a glass of water,” he said.

“Mkay,” Val replied, sniffling as he slowly struggled to pull on his pajama pants and the accompanying shirt, sighing in relief once he finally finished, before staggering over to the bed and collapsing against the comforter, curling up next to Velvette and smiling at her, “Hola pequeñita.”

“Hiii,” Velvette greeted weakly before turning away to scrub aggressively at her face in an attempt to fend off a pending itch, “I’m so sorry I got you sick… Iihh’Pshhuue! Ih’psshhuu!”

“It’s fine… I don’t blame you- snff!- I’m just exhausted,” Valentino mumbled as his eyelids began to droop.

“Me too,” Velvette agreed, rubbing her eyes.

The two struggled to entertain one another and keep the other awake by exchanging goofy faces and long stares while Vox was out of the room getting a glass of ice cold water, but eventually their efforts failed, and Velvette fell asleep with Valentino following right behind her. The two snored peacefully outside of the occasional raspy cough, and Valentino unconsciously inched closer to Velvette as the two slept, the two patients caught in a half-hug of sorts.

A few minutes later, Vox returned to the master bedroom with a glass of water, only to find his life partner and their closest friend fast asleep, their chests rising and falling.

“Well, sleeping is good, hopefully they’ll feel a little better,” Vox whispered, turning out the lights in the master bedroom and carefully draping a blanket over Valentino’s unconscious form before turning on his heels and leaving to go get some work done in his office.

On the walk to his personal workspace in the penthouse, Vox was suddenly stopped in his tracks by his frenzied assistant, who was hurriedly tapping through various screens on his touch-screen laptop, “What is it?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Sir, I just got a notification from your technician, there’s been a breech,” Papermint explained, showing Vox his laptop that was littered with warning messages and system alerts.

Vox blinked, suddenly feeling the draft blowing onto his circuits and wires, “Ohhh, that’s just because my back panel is still open, I got sidetracked and forgot to close it,” he chuckled, closing the panel on his head and smiling triumphantly, “There- snff!- problem solved.”

Papermint adjusted his glasses and scrolled through the message log, only to wince and yelp upon receiving more warning messages, “Uhmmm, it seems that the problem hasn’t been solved, Sir, your system is still reporting a breech, there’s foreign body activity near your processor and your air filtration system is about to malfunction…” he said, biting his lip nervously.

“Nonsense, I probably just need my sensors adjusted, my air filtration system is fine- Hhn’Kk! Hhnkk! Kxhht!” Vox replied, only to be stunned by his sudden sneeze, a fine spray misting out of the sides of his head from his stuttering air circulation system. Vox sniffled, tapping the side of his head in an attempt to knock non-existent dust loose, “Wh-what else do the system alerts say?” he asked.

“Organic material has leaked into your system and your software is having a pseudo-immunological response,” Papermint said, rambling as he fumbled with his notification wall and smoothed out his hair.

“Layman’s terms please, Papermint, I don’t have time to decipher your jargon, I’m getting a headache,” Vox complained, massaging the corners of his screen as his interface glitched and his fans malfunctioned again, “Kxhht! KXHHT! Hhn’kk!”

“You have the flu,” Papermint said nervously.

Vox’s eye twitched, “Oh for pete’s sake… khff!- I can’t be sick, all three of us can’t be sick,” he groaned, “What am I gonna do?”

“I received some experimental immune defense spray from Sloth Pharmaceuticals the other day, and all my swab tests have come back negative, Sir, I could help look after you if need be,” Papermint offered with an eager smile.

Vox sighed, “Thank goodness for the clowns at Sloth Pharma… Hhn’Kk! KzZXHHT!” he said, wiping up the coolant that was beginning to leak from his air filter with a tissue, “Euch… snff!”

“Why don’t you put on something comfortable and join Mr. Valentino and Miss Velvette in bed?” Papermint suggested.

Vox opened his mouth to object, only to realize that he’d rather be relaxing in bed than sifting through licensing agreements, and shrugged, turning on his heels and heading back to the master bedroom, his exhaust fans stuttering and making him cough as they clashed against one another and his liquid coolant system.

Papermint smiled contentedly, dusting off his hands and heading over to the penthouse’s small laundry room to hunt for the warm mist humidifier and a can of pressurized air to clean out Vox��s air filters. “This will be nice,” he mumbled enthusiastically to himself, beginning to sort through various devices in search of what he needed.

About forty-five minutes later, back at the hotel, Angel sauntered in through the front doors and walked over to the parlor-turned-quarantine space, leaning over the arm of the sofa to massage the space between Husk’s ears, “I’m back from the fuck factory,” he greeted, kissing Husk’s cheek.

“You’re back early- Khfff khff! KHFF khff!- fuck,” Husk observed, rubbing his neck and chest and grumbling in pain after his harsh, throaty cough.

“Eh, Val’s sick so I’ve got the week off, fine by me, I was supposed to do a two-on-one in a contortion pose for ‘dis stupid flick, I’m happy I get to put it off long enough for Val to hopefully forget about it,” Angel said, sighing as he handed Husk his glass of water from the coffee table, rubbing his back as he took eager gulps before setting the empty glass down.

“Happy for you, I can’t even touch my toes, couldn’t imagine takin’ it up the ass with my legs behind my head,” Husk said, chuckling until a wave of dizziness overwhelmed him and he reclined against his pillows, covering his eyes with his palms as he tried to compose himself, “Sorry… room started spinning.”

Angel inched closer to Husk’s level of the makeshift sofa-bed, kneeling down and resting a cautious hand on Husk’s forehead, “Marone, your brain’s gonna melt and start leakin’ outta your ears,” he said, frowning in disapproval before kissing Husk’s cheek, “How ya feelin’?”

Husk swallowed, adjusting under his blanket and scrubbing under his nose to stave off a damp sniffle, “Like death,” he grumbled, losing the fight against a violent shiver that radiated up his spine, “I’m so cold.”

Angel leaned over, wrapping Husk in a tight hug and nuzzling up against the crook of his neck and his shoulder, “My poor baby,” he crooned, kissing Husk’s neck, “This make ya feel any warmer?”

Husk’s body was wracked by another violent shiver, and he continued to tremble before shaking his head as his vision began to blur and warp, forcing him to brace himself against the arm of the sofa, “Fuck… I can’t see straight… ‘m gonna lie down again,” he said, gently pushing away from Angel and curling back up into his blankets, his sharp teeth chattering, “Khhhhfff- khff khff!”

Angel pinched the center of his face, gently massaging the skin as pain continued to build behind his eyes, “Goddamnit,” he groaned, hoisting himself to his feet and rummaging through the cleavage separating his chest fluff before pulling out his phone, scrolling through his text messages, “My head’s killin’ me.”

“E-ehh’PssSCHEW! Eh’PsSCHHEW!”

Angel turned, seeing Lucifer reclined on the loveseat, noisily blowing his ‘nose’ after his wet sneeze, “You too, huh?” he asked, smirking at Lucifer’s fuzzy socks peeking out from the other end of the blanket.

“Mm- SnFF!- mmhmm,” Lucifer replied, rubbing at his eyes before tossing his soggy tissue in the trash can next to the loveseat, “I feel awful.”

“Well, I’m gonna go talk to Vags before I hop in the shower, need anythin’?”

Lucifer released another pitiful sniffle, “Another glass of apple juice?” he requested, taking another swipe at his tired eyes.

“You got it,” Angel said, shooting Lucifer a thumbs up before walking out of the parlor and into the kitchen, where Vaggie was chopping vegetables and humming to herself while Niffty- visibly bored- peeled shrimp while sitting on the kitchen island, separating the viable meat and the veins and shells into two separate bowls.

“You’re back early,” Vaggie remarked, not even looking up from the carrot she was slicing.

“Yup, shoot got canceled before I even had to read any lines,” Angel said with a snicker, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of apple juice, pouring it into a glass with a couple of ice cubes. Upon filling up Lucifer’s cup, Angel gently shook the bottle of apple juice, looking skeptical, “I coulda sworn this bottle was full this mornin’.”

“Lucifer and Charlie both basically refuse to eat, so they’ve been chugging it, I’ll have to get more bottles delivered when I order groceries tonight,” Vaggie replied, “Have you seen Alastor?”

“Nah, ain’t seen hear or tail of ‘im,” Angel said with a shrug, “Gotta go bring King Pipsqueak his juice, I’ll be back.”

Vaggie waved at Angel as he vanished back into the parlor, when she began to hear the hissing sound of static in her ears, turning around and focusing to try and decipher where the sound was coming from.

“Hzzhht! Hxhht! HxXhht!”

Vaggie narrowed her eyelids, waiting patiently and counting in her head as the noise continued, until suddenly it changed.

“HxXHhht-Shhiew! Hnk’Kzxhht-Chew! HnXxhhT’Shhew! ‘Shhhiew! ‘SHHIEW! ‘Chhiew!”

A-ha!

“Alastor, get out of the pantry, I know you’re in there,” Vaggie ordered, watching with a smirk as Alastor slowly stepped out of the walk-in pantry, clutching his handkerchief to his nose and attempting to wipe at his watery eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Snff-snff! You kndow- snff!- I would have cobe out eventually- Hnx’xXHt-CHEW! HnxXHhtiew! ‘Chhiew! ‘Shhew!” Alastor said, blowing his nose and fanning off the red, irritated skin with his free hand.

Vaggie rolled her eyes, only for her exasperation to screech to a halt upon hearing Alastor’s audible congestion and constant sneezing, “You okay?” she asked.

Alastor roughly cleared his throat, wiping desperately at his nose in an attempt to stop the near constant dripping, “Sindce I ndo longer have the privilege of bei’g discreet with mby… issues, I’b goi’g to be hondest- Snrkk!- a’d say ndo,” he said, his eyes twitching as he felt another sneeze building in his sinuses, “hHihh! H-hihh!! Hhh! HnkXxh’tSHEW! HxXhht-Shew! Hnk’Kxhht-chew!”

“A shocking but pleasant surprise… I’m not proud of you for being vulnerable, I just like watching you suffer,” Vaggie scoffed, smirking at Alastor and feeling a swell of pride when he opened his mouth to snarl at her, only to sneeze instead.

“Uch… I’ve been milli’g about with plague urchins for far too long, and their opportunistic pathogens have got mbe right where they want mbe,” Alastor grumbled, “Hih’KxXHHT-cHHIEW! Hih’Kxhhttiew! Hnk’KxzZHt-Shew!”

Niffty giggled, climbing onto Alastor’s shoulder and poking his nose.

“Hh’Xxhht-Chiew! HxXhht-shew! Hhnk’Kxhht-schiew! ‘sCHHiew! ‘Sheww!” Alastor sneezed, his eyes streaming with tears and his nose running hopelessly as he swatted Niffty away, still holding his handkerchief up to his nose.

“I’m not going to help you if you’re gonna be coy to avoid being embarrassed, say what you mean or you can put a clothespin on your nose and help me with dinner,” Vaggie said, unamused.

Alastor flushed, turning away and mumbling something through clenched teeth.

“Huh?”

Alastor mumbled a bit louder, but ultimately still unintelligible, especially with his handkerchief clasped over his nose and mouth.

Vaggie placed both hands on her hips, “Alastor, just say it,” she ordered.

Alastor huffed, balling his free hand into a fist before rolling his eyes and letting the confession spill out, “I thig’k I have the flu!” he exclaimed, sniffling as he swiped at his nostrils with his damp handkerchief, “Happy ndow? H-Hhnk’Kxhht-chew! Hnk’Xxht-shiew!”

“Not really, it means I’m down a helper,” Vaggie sighed, “Go sit in the parlor on the other loveseat, I’ll be in there after I wash my hands to take your temperature.”

Alastor gave a weak nod, wandering out of the kitchen and into the parlor, still sneezing.

Upon Alastor leaving the kitchen, Angel returned, having showered and changed relatively quickly, “Well, looks like ya’ found mista’ happy face,” he said, pouring himself a glass of water and hurriedly chugging it before wiping off his mouth, “What’s up wit’ him?”

“He thinks he’s getting sick,” Vaggie groaned, “It’s gonna be me, you, and Niffty looking after things, I guess.”

“Guess so,” Angel replied, only to pause, pulling out his phone and scrolling through his messages, “Damnit, what’s takin’ them so long? At this point I oughtta just take one a’ the rapid tests they gave me.”

“What are you talking about?” Vaggie asked, washing her hands in the sink before wiping them off with a dish towel.

“Bunch of people at my job are gettin’ sick, so they tested all of us, and we’re supposed ta’ get the results soon, but they sent us home with a bag of ‘rapid tests’ that take like a minute,” Angel explained, gagging quietly, “I didn’t mind swabbin’ the back of my throat, but that stupid stick tastes awful runnin’ across your tongue.”

Vaggie’s face brightened, and she grabbed Angel’s wrist, “Well, buck up and get ready for the taste, because the four of us are gonna take one,” she said, leading Angel out of the kitchen by tugging on his arm, “C’mon Niffty.”

Niffty scrambled to get down from the kitchen island, skipping after Vaggie and Angel only to run back into the kitchen, hurriedly clean the shellfish scent off of her hands, and sprint to return to the parlor, eagerly sitting on the floor between Alastor’s legs.

Angel pulled out four rapid tests from the plastic bag of them he’d been given upon leaving the broadcast tower, handing one to Vaggie, one to Alastor, and one to Niffty before keeping the last one in his hands.

Husk and Charlie were both fast asleep, curled up against the base of the sofa from their respective levels of the makeshift trundle bed. Lucifer, on the other hand, was somewhat awake, and watched the four “healthy” hotel residents unwrap their tests in between small sips of his apple juice.

Angel opened his mouth, scrubbing the surface of his tongue, the underside of his tongue, and the back of his throat, swirling the swab in a circle on the surface of his tonsils, nearly drooling with satisfaction as the sensation of the swab on his throat appeared to be scratching an itch he wasn’t even aware of, “Ngghhkkkk… nghh-ghhkk,” he droned, pulling the swab out of his mouth and struggling to keep a stray hand from gravitating toward his groin, “Hrghht-hrmm! That felt good…I kinda wanna do it again.”

Alastor rolled his eyes, “Shambeless pervert- snff!- Hnk’Kxhht-Sshiew! ‘Shhiew! ‘Shhhew!” he grumbled, reluctantly putting his swab in his mouth and gagging with disgust upon swiping around his tongue and gagging a bit harder while reaching the back of his throat, quickly pulling the swab out once he’d been scrubbing for the instructed amount of time, “Euch… that was disgustii’g- Iihh…. HnKxXHt-SHEW!”

Niffty quietly scrubbed her tongue and throat with her mouth closed around the swab, humming ‘Lollipop’ to herself as she worked the swab from side to side and up and down, pulling the swab out of her mouth and giggling after it made the same ‘Pop!’ sound that can be heard after the first segment of the song, “All done!” she cheered.

Vaggie grumbled, nearly gagging prematurely upon watching the others complete their swabs, “Si vomito, mataré a alguien,” she grumbled, popping her swab into her mouth and hurriedly scrubbing the surface and underside of her tongue before gently inching closer to the back of her throat, sighing with relief when the sensation wasn’t nearly as gag-inducing as she expected, pulling the swab out with a triumphant smile.

“Okay, now ya hafta put the swab in this tube and shake it around… and then rub the wet swab on the piece ‘a paper in the testing kit,” Angel explained, squinting through his bothersome headache to read the tiny print on the back of the testing kit’s packaging.

All four participants shook their tubes of testing solution before smearing the sample across the rapid testing paper.

Vaggie watched as the wet portion of her paper turned blue, “Negative,” she said with a smile, “Phew.”

“Negative!” Niffty cheered, waving around her blue testing paper.

Angel blinked, watching as his testing paper turned blue for a moment, only to quickly turn red, “Positive,” he sighed, massaging his temples with one pair of hands, “Explains why my head’s fuckin’ killin’ me.”

Alastor waited patiently as his testing paper turned blue, and remained blue for a brief period, only to change colors, “It’s…greend- HnkXxhht’SHEW!” he said, cleaning off his monocle with his sleeve before staring at the testing paper, confused.

Angel looked at the back of the testing kit, “Green is negative for… antigens… but positive for… antibodies, the fuck does that mean? Christ on a bike I barely passed goin’ to Catholic school in the 20s, I can’t read ‘dis shit,” he grumbled, pulling out his phone and plugging the words into a search engine, “Oh for Christ’s sake- I got nothin’ on ‘antibodies’, but it says that testin’ negative for antigens means ya ain’t sick… I gotta keep scrollin’.”

Alastor looked puzzled, staring back at his confusing testing paper before sniffling hopelessly into his handkerchief, “The accursed thi’g has to be faulty- HnkXxhht-sCHHIEW! Hnk’Kxhht-shew!- if I was fide I wouldn’t be put through the id- Snrkk!- indig’ndity of all this sdeezi’g… HnK’Xhht-SHIEW!” he said.

Vaggie walked over to the loveseat where Alastor was sitting, pressing a hand to his forehead and waiting for a moment with narrowed eyelids before pulling it away, “I think it’s right… you feel fine to me, nice and cool,” she said with a smirk, “You’re just being a hypochondriac.”

“Stop usin’ them big words, I don’t wanna have to look up anythin’ else, this is makin’ my brain hurt!” Angel complained, still scrolling through his phone.

“You’ve been so worried about getting sick that your brain is doing everything it can to convince you that you’re sick,” Vaggie explained, poking Alastor’s red and irritated nose.

“HnK’Tshhew! Hnk’Kxzxht-chiew! Hnk’KXxshIEW!” Alastor sneezed, wiping his nose with his handkerchief and letting loose a watery sniffle, “Euch…the’d why does mby ndose still feel so Iiihh…i-ihh…. Itchy?”

Vaggie stared at Alastor’s runny nose and his watery eyes with puffy, visibly irritated eyelids, before directing her attention to Alastor’s handkerchief, noticing that his breath began to hitch and his eyes watered more when he held it closer to his twitchy nostrils, “Hand me your handkerchief,” she instructed.

“What? Ndo- snff!” Alastor argued.

Vaggie rolled her eyes, yanking the cloth out of Alastor’s hands, and watching as the Radio Demon’s twitchy, sensitive nose seemingly calmed down, his watery eyes drying up, and his breathing returning to normal after a few damp sniffles.

Alastor sighed in relief, wiping the moisture out of his eyes and fanning at his friction-reddened nose, “Oh my goodness,” he said in between panting breaths, leaning his head back against the back of the loveseat.

“That feel better?” Vaggie asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Very much, yes,” Alastor said with a relieved smile.

“So it was just your allergies, mystery solved,” Vaggie said, folding her arms, “Wonder what was on this thing that was making you sneeze so much.”

Vaggie held up the handkerchief so that it was closer to her face, sniffing the air around it and sticking out her tongue in disgust when a heavy scent wafted into her nostrils, “Euchh, this thing reeks of cologne, no wonder you were sneezing so much,” she said, tossing the practically wet handkerchief into a garbage can in the far corner of the room.

Alastor’s eyes widened, and he turned to stare at Lucifer with an unamused glare lingering in his eyes in spite of his tight smile, “It appears that your sweat practically burned the stench of your repulsive cologne into my clothes after I carried you,” he said through clenched teeth, “I was able to wash the stench out of my coat, but I didn’t think to wash my handkerchief that had been tucked into one of the pockets.”

Lucifer scoffed, “My cologne smells fine, not my fault you’re allergic to it,” he said, blowing a drowsy raspberry in Alastor’s direction.

“I wouldn’t put in so much effort to aggravate me when you’re so… fragile,” Alastor said, practically snarling as he flicked the center of Lucifer’s forehead.

“Oh please- Khff khff!- I can still unravel your skin at the seams,”

“I’d like to see you try, ‘Your Majesty’, your tiny little skull would be meeting the blunt metal edge of my microphone,”

“D’aww, I appreciate the flirting, but you’re not my type… I could still give you a big, wet, germy kiss for your trouble if you want,”

Alastor hit Lucifer over the head with his microphone, clutching the fabric on the chest of his shirt and shuddering with disgust, “You go too far,” he chided, avoiding Lucifer’s gaze by staring at the carpet.

“Not far enough, get back over here so I can stick my tongue down your throat- Khff- KHFF!,” Lucifer teased, sticking out his tongue and tugging on Alastor’s long sleeve, giggling deliriously.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Vaggie said, pulling Alastor away from Lucifer and pushing Lucifer back into a reclined position in his makeshift bed, “Alastor, leave Lucifer alone- Lucifer, keep your tongue to yourself.”

Lucifer folded his arms, pouting, “Fiine,” he said, plucking two tissues out of the box in his lap and blowing his ‘nose’, tossing the soiled tissues into the trash.

“Overpowered garden gnome,” Alastor grumbled.

“Pretentious loser,” Lucifer spat back.

“Self-pitying recluse,”

“Bitter self-absorbed misanthrope,”

“A bit hypocritical coming from you, you insecure man baby,”

“At least I can admit when I’m a hypocrite, you delusional megalomaniac,”

Angel’s head swam as his brain tried to piece through the article on antibodies he was reading, the onslaught of syllables the two men were flinging at one another, and his own throbbing headache and sore throat, “I have no idea what the hell’s goin’ on,” he whined, clutching his sore abdominal muscles as sweat trickled down his face, soaking into his thin layer of fur.

“Lay-about!”

“Piss worm!”

“Callate!” Vaggie shouted, pulling on the back of Alastor’s shirt and swatting at him before sticking a thermometer from her pocket into Lucifer’s mouth to quiet him down, “Both of you cut it out.”

Alastor and Lucifer’s shouting roused Charlie from her slumber, the princess rolling over and sitting up with a scratchy yawn as she rubbed her eyes, looking around the room, “Mmm… wha’s happening?” she mumbled, trying to shake off the grogginess that weighed down every word that left her mouth.

“Nice going, jackasses,” Vaggie huffed, turning to stroke Charlie’s feverish cheek with her left hand before kissing her forehead, “Nothing babe, don’t worry about it.”

“Oh… okay, okay, I trust you- Snff snff!- I need a tissue,” Charlie rambled, blowing her nose into a folded-over tissue before settling back into her blankets with a shiver, “What time is it?”

“Honestly I don’t even know, Angel, what time is it?” Vaggie asked, looking over her shoulder towards the spider.

Angel groaned, massaging the center of his face before glancing at the time on his phone in the corner of the screen, squinting at the tiny print making his headache even worse, “6:15,” he said, going back to reading.

“There you go… it’s earlier than I thought it was,” Vaggie said with a slight smile, running her fingers through Charlie’s hair, “You okay?”

“Not really, but I’ll manage… H-kHHF! KHFFF!...(gasp)- KHFF KhFF KKHhFF!,” Charlie replied, rubbing her chest after her harsh cough and looking around the parlor, focusing on the swaying image of Lucifer, shooting him a drowsy wave, “I didn’t know my dad made it back home… Hi, Dad!”

Lucifer waved back at Charlie, humming inquisitively at Vaggie and gesturing to the thermometer under his tongue- which had started to beep.

Vaggie rolled her eyes, pulling the thermometer out of Lucifer’s mouth and glancing at the screen, “103.4,” she said, wiping off the thermometer with an alcohol wipe before stowing it back in her pocket.

“Aw, you too, Dad?” Charlie asked, leaning over the arm of the sofa and resting her chin in one hand, “Sorry I got you sick… Eeihh’KsSchiew! Eh’KsSchiew!”

“No worries, Charlie, I picked this up the old fashioned way…snff! Last time I take the bus anywhere,” Lucifer groaned, swiping at his ‘nose’ with the back of his hand.

“Wait, if both of us are sick, that means neither of us are gonna be able to go to the summit!” Charlie exclaimed, tears welling up in her eyes, only for Alastor to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“No need to worry, the overlord summit has been postponed on account of the majority of its attendees being… indisposed at present,” Alastor said with a calm smile.

“Wha?” Charlie asked, looking up at Alastor with a confused look on her face.

“If I hear anotha’ word wit’ more than two syllables that nobody knows the meanin’ of, I’m gonna pass out,” Angel snapped, turning away from his phone to cough, tucking his head into his elbow and swallowing against the ache in his throat before going back to reading.

“Everyone’s sick, so they’re putting the summit off until later, Babe,” Vaggie explained.

“Oh no, that’s terrible- Eeh’Ktschhew!- sorry… wonder how everyone managed to come down with it so fast… so close together,” Charlie pondered, pulling her blankets up to her chest.

“Ahhha!- Koff KHFF KHFF! KHHHFFF!- fuck!” Angel shouted, tossing his phone aside and massaging his face, “Finally figured out what the fuck the antibody shit means!”

Vaggie gestured for Angel to continue.

“It said on this stupid website… ‘A green test result means that there is no active infection, but that the body has built up a resistance to the pathogen after a past infection, typically a recent one’,” Angel said, leaning back against the loveseat and draping an arm over his eyes.

“So that means that you aren’t sick now, and you’re immune because you were sick recently,” Vaggie said, turning to look at Alastor with an unamused glare, “Before anyone else.”

Alastor held up both hands defensively, “I have no recollection of being anywhere near this ill, that’s absurd,” he argued.

“Not even a week ago, when I heard you down here trying your damnedest not to cough while you made your coffee before you disappeared for four days?” Vaggie asked, tilting her head to the side as she awaited Alastor’s response.

“I-I felt perfectly fine, I only had a bit of a cold, and I do not appreciate this accusatory tone,” Alastor replied with a huff, polishing his monocle with a microfiber cloth he pulled from his pocket.

“Alright, what did you do that day after you left, if you don’t mind me asking?” Vaggie asked, leaning over the back of the sofa and stroking Charlie’s hair as she waited.

“I… I had to go to a sovereign overlords meeting… and then I had to visit the seamstress where Rosie had her dress made in order to pick up the extra fabric for my ensemble, a charming young succubus, I wish I could remember her name,” Alastor began to ramble, nervous sweat coating his forehead as he fiddled with the base of his microphone and averted his eyes.

Charlie sniffled, narrowing her eyelids, “Did she have purple hair and a star shaped tail?” she asked.

“As a matter of fact, yes, she did, how did you know?” Alastor replied with a chuckle, only for Charlie to snarl angrily, balling her fists before throwing her pillow at his head, “Ouch! My dear, there’s no need for senseless aggression- Ouch! Hey!”

Charlie hissed and threw another pillow, “You,” she growled, “You started all of this because you’re too stubborn and stupid to admit- let alone tell someone- when you’re sick- Snff snff!- so you just wandered around town getting germs everywhere. All. Day!”

“I- I reject the notion, you have no proof!” Alastor exclaimed, feigning a hurt expression as he pressed a hand to his chest.

“Bullshit, breathin’ is enough to spread it around, not even mentionin’ the kinda trail you leave behind when you’re constantly blowin’ your nose wit’out washin’ ya’ hands… you filthy fuckin’ germ-spreader,” Angel said, folding his arms and furrowing his eyebrows in anger.

“Yeah! Exactly- Eeihh’KsSCHIEW!- Oh shoot- KhHhFF khff khff! KOFF- Khhff- khHff!,” Charlie said, rubbing her chest in an attempt to calm her ragged breathing after her coughing fit.

“This kind of aggression and hostility is quite unlike you, Charlie, I must say I’m surprised,” Alastor remarked, quickly ducking as Charlie threw another pillow at him, “The projectiles are also unlike you.”

“Oh ffuck you!” Charlie hissed, her horns peeking out through her crown of blonde locks, the same angry red as her nose, “I’m tired, I’m cold, my whole body hurts and I can barely get up to go pee, and you act so grossed out and high and mighty about ‘germs’, I’m allowed to be mad when they’re your germs to begin with! I’m allowed to be angry sometimes! KHFFF-KHff-Khfff!”

Vaggie gently tapped Charlie’s back, carefully making sure not to rouse Husk from his sleep as she leaned over the arm of the sofa to embrace her girlfriend, “Of course you are, Babe, but try not to get too worked up,” she whispered, kissing Charlie’s feverish neck and smiling when Charlie melted into her touch, “There we go, it’s okay.”

“Nice going, Antlers,” Lucifer scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Oh hush, you have nothing to do with any of this,” Alastor said, waving Lucifer off nonchalantly.

“Hey, listen Tough Guy-” Lucifer began, sitting up and beginning to gesticulate, only for Vaggie to pull away from Charlie and walk over to Lucifer, pressing her cool hand against his burning forehead and silencing him as he sighed in relief, “Mmm… that feels n ice.”

“I bet it does, and if you promise to stop picking fights with Alastor I’ll go get a cool washcloth for you,” Vaggie said with a knowing smile, noticing the eager and desperate look in Lucifer’s eyes, “Promise?”

Lucifer nodded weakly, “Mkay, I promise,” he said, lying back down and staring at his socks, chuckling to himself as his feverish mind wandered, turning the solid blue fabric into a makeshift sky, clouds drifting across the fabric.

Vaggie sighed, turning to Alastor and gesturing at him, “Well?” she asked, unimpressed and exasperated with the nonsensical back-and-forth.

“I… I apologize for unknowingly causing all of this… and for being a bit-” Alastor nearly gagged on the platitudes forming on his tongue, “- impersonal and detached in my methods of engaging with the afflicted, particularly in this instance since your ailments were my fault to begin with, and… I will find some way to make it up to you,” he said with a pained smile, one eye twitching behind his monocle.

“Awww- Snff!- that was beautiful,” Charlie said, her voice cracking as she threatened to cry, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve before blowing her nose, “I forgive you… I wasn’t even that mad, I just really don’t feel well and it’s making me cranky.”

“Perfectly understandable, my dear,” Alastor replied, fighting back a shudder and reaching out to stroke Charlie’s scalp, “Nowhere to go from here but up.”

Charlie nodded, coughing harshly into her elbow before weakly gesturing to her three pillows that were scattered at Alastor’s feet, “Can I have my pillows back?” she asked, pitifully attempting to lean over and reach out to grab them.

“Of course,” Alastor said, tucking two of Charlie’s pillows behind her to support her back and neck, and placing the third pillow near Charlie’s feet, “Better?”

“Mmhm… Ehh…E-ehh… EhH’KSschew! Eihh’KtsSChiew! Eehh’KSschheww!” Charlie hummed in reply, emptying her sinuses with a desperate blow before tossing the damp tissue in the garbage, “O h hhh… my sinuses hurt.”

“I’ll get you some decongestant after dinner,” Vaggie promised, massaging Charlie’s sinuses with her fingertips. As she massaged Charlie, Vaggie looked over and noticed Angel curled up in a half-formed fetal position, shivering, “Are you gonna be okay?” she asked.

Angel made an indecisive gesture with his hand, wiping sweat from his brow and grimacing as an ache radiated through the muscles in his abdomen, legs, and back, “I ain’t feelin’ too hot… Hh-KHFF! KHFF!- ‘s like I got hit by a truck,” he mumbled, voice slightly hoarse from his sore throat as a hand reached up and rubbed the base of his neck.

Vaggie thumbed Charlie’s cheek for a moment, before walking over to the loveseat opposite Lucifer’s, maneuvering Angel into an upright position and pressing a palm to his forehead, “You feel plenty hot to me,” she chuckled, pulling the thermometer out of her pocket.

“Ya know what I meant,” Angel huffed, rolling his eyes.

“Mhm, I did, open your mouth,” Vaggie instructed, sliding the thermometer under Angel’s tongue and waiting until it beeped before pulling it out, “102…2.4…2.7.”

“Shit,” Angel said with a groan, lying back down only for Vaggie to tug him back upright.

“Ah-ah-ah! Sit up, I’ll be right back with your pajamas, you can lie down after you’ve changed,” Vaggie said, “Where do you keep them?”

“They’re lyin’ across my bed- Snff! Snff!,” Angel replied, his eyelids threatening to droop as a deep flush covered his cheeks, burning bright enough that it was visible through his fur.

“Alright, I’ll be right back, Niffty make sure he doesn’t lie down until I come back,” Vaggie said, turning on her heels and disappearing up the stairs.

Niffty giggled, standing on the back of the loveseat and gently combing Angel’s frayed hair with her tiny fingers, “You’re so sweaty I can use it like moisturizer,” she said.

“Khhff-khff! Quit rubbin’ sweat into my hair, Niff… Snff!” Angel said, weakly swatting at Niffty only to relent, enjoying the feeling of her tiny hands massaging his scalp, the sensation practically relieved his throbbing headache, “Mmm…”

Vaggie returned to the parlor with a silk pajama top adorned with pink lace, a pair of fleece pajama pants with button-up pockets, and a pair of large pink socks, tossing them in Angel’s lap and dusting off her hands, “You need help getting to the bathroom to go change?” she asked.

Angel shook his head, “I got it, I got it,” he insisted, putting on the pajamas and socks, before squirming a bit and adjusting two of his arms, suddenly pulling out his shirt, jacket, pants, and boots from the waistband of his pajama pants, “All’a them years doin’ quick changes finally paid off… hHh! Hahh! Hah’TsShhew! Hah’TsSsHEW!”

Vaggie folded Angel’s street clothes and placed them in a laundry basket behind the sofa before handing Angel a pink fleece blanket adorned with zebra stripes and a box of tissues.

“Thanks, Vags… Snfff! Euch,” Angel said, plucking a tissue out of the box and gently pressing it to his face before emptying his sinuses in a heavy blow that sounded closer to a honk at the tail end.

“Okay, now that everything is all settled, you four are going to stay here and rest,” Vaggie said before turning to Alastor and Niffty, “and you two are going to help me finish dinner.”

“Of course, lead the way,” Alastor said calmly, resting his microphone in his palm and shifting his weight onto his other foot before following Vaggie into the kitchen.

“Okey-dokey!” Niffty cheered, skipping behind Alastor and Vaggie, only to scurry back into the parlor and land an open-hand slap on Husk’s chest, rousing him from his deep slumber, before scrambling back into the kitchen, giggling uncontrollably.

Husk snorted, rapidly shaking his head and rubbing his eyes as his ears twitched, “Hhm? KHFF-KHFFF! Fuck… my chest hurts,” Husk grumbled sleepily, opening his eyelids after a moment of struggle and looking around the room, “Mmm… what time ‘s it? Did I miss somethin’?”

“Nothin’ important,” Angel yawned, pulling his blanket up to his chest and blowing his ‘nose’, “H-hahh…Hah’TsShew!”

“Bless you,” Husk said, still a bit drowsy. About seven seconds passed, before Husk’s eyes widened and he whipped his head around in Angel’s direction, “Wait a minute, when the hell did you get here?!”

Angel snickered, weakly kicking his feet as his snickers devolved into full blown laughter, laughter so intense that Angel began rolling gently from side to side, only to roll off of the loveseat and collapse onto the carpet.

Husk rolled his eyes, “Real funny, huh Legs?” he asked, glancing over at Angel again with an unamused scoff.

“Damn right it was funny, it was worth it,” Angel said in between guffaws and coughs, only to groan in pain as the sore muscles in his back throbbed after the initial impact, “Not completely worth it… but it was still funny.”

Husk sighed, using the television remote cradled in his lap to turn on the TV, before rolling back over to face the base of the sofa, and falling back asleep, his soft but deep snoring filling the room as his ears and tail twitched, the rest of his body completely still and quiet.

“HrRR’SshOO! HrR’Schuhh!”

Well, mostly quiet.

#this fell off the edge of the earth but I'm still proud of it

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