cigarette-louis - Tumblr blog

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[cigarette-louis]

This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen

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actually genuinely if you are going to talk about serious topics you need to say the words for the thing you're talking about

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This culture of ignoring women who were abused by their female peers and reducing them to special snowflakes with internalized misogyny is pissing me off tbh because a lot of times its placing the blame for our abuse on us and seeming to claim that we deserved what we got

It took me ten years to start feeling comfortable around girls again because of the abuse I suffered at the hands of most of the girls in my class. And while guys participated, it was nowhere near the level of vitriol that I got from fellow girls.

Guys told me I had hairy legs. Girls spat on me and spread rumors that I had sex with my dad.

Don’t fucking pretend that my entire problem is internalized misogyny and special snowflake syndrome against innocent girls when I’m still trying to mentally undo the damage caused when I was twelve.

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I hate hbo max. I hate Disney +. I hate Amazon prime. I hate streaming platforms that treat their staff and creators like donkey shit. I hate that they don’t compensate for rewatches or popularity and can’t even take out the fucking commercials. I hate our monthly fees for media that can just be put in the vault and written off as if it never existed. I hate our reliance on mega corporations for our daily serotonin. I want weekly shows where I can theorize with my friends. I want dvds to be popular again. I want no commercials and for my favorite creators to be paid to imagine a better world than this.

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although this is a big step forward, please do not forget that Disney donated a large sum of money to the 'Dont Say Gay' Bill and how Disney treats all of its creators who are trying to add lgbt characters into their shows

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Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

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sorry to sound like a 56 year old but online internet culture has completely eroded the concept of personal boundaries and it’s evil evil evil

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I don’t know if these cops were unable to stop this murder, because they chose not to try.

An entire classroom was murdered while these fucking cowards tased and handcuffed the parents of those children who were begging these fucking useless men to do their fucking jobs.

Stop telling me I’m supposed to blindly support cops. These cowards want to cosplay as soldiers, and when the public they are supposed to serve needed them, they hid and showed us exactly who they are. Every one of these cops is complicit in these murders, and they should be held accountable for their inaction.

This is what happens when people become cops so they can bully and harass people with impunity. Thee cowards aren’t going to risk their lives for anyone. They’re cosplaying.

This police force gets FORTY PERCENT of the city’s budget. This tiny town has a SWAT team. That wasn’t enough to save these children and their teachers.

Fuck the police.

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how many stories do we need to see about cops being too scared to engage an active shooter when they are otherwise trigger happy blowing the heads off of peoples’ corgis point blank range because it got a little too yappy before we realize cops in this country cannot be trusted to carry firearms on them at all times

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Tales of the Wild. Written by H. Mortimer Batten. Illustrated by Ernest Aris. 1931.

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The duckers are everywhere .

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