circuitfurscaleandvines2

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

🦉Group effort by my system to document two of the major axis we've seen around the plural communities in the past 2 decades, in a way that might help others find terms for themself, explain themself to others, or help new systems locate themself in a few ways. 🦎Please please please understand that the terms used are not intended to be precise. Do not fucking use this document to gatekeep. Respect others boundaries around terms. This is a tool for understanding, empathy, and better communication only. Thanks

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

I remember the first time we watched a Duel Master's episode and saw Gatling Skyterror and was like "Wyvern Helicopter is the most amazing idea anyone had ever had".

My problem with the dragons-with-bat-wings-versus-dragons-with-bird-wings debate is that it doesn't go far enough. We need to really push the envelope with respect to draconic aerial mobility. Anti-gravity dragons. Dragons with organic VTOL turbines. Dragons that inflate themselves with lifting gas and float like dirigibles, and I say this one in the full awareness that what I'm picturing and what many of you are picturing are very different.

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

🦉This is an interesting breakdown! It seems i didn't provide enough context in the previous post. If the takeaway from the original is "you should be a doormate", I definitely did a bad job of explaining my suggestions! Let me try to respond, and maybe come to some conclusion about how to improve it via your suggestions :)

"this reads like you see intense emotions as not part of the everyday human experience"

It's unfortunate that my personal experience made you feel unseen here! As someone previously diagnosed with major depressive disorder, I sometimes feel a sense of distance from emotions as "normal". What language do you think I could use there, to be less alienating? For Context, I'm giving advice here about how best to structure a relationship in which one person has more intense or more frequently intense emotions than the other person.

you do not have to be the one to calm the situation down every single time you cannot control being hurt, it's not a switch you can turn off or on

You're not the first to point out that "don't be hurt" is a bit intense. I was trying to convey something like "Ideally, you want to set your boundaries and their consequences such that, whenever possible, you will not be hurt. Being someone who is generally able to take care of their own emotional state, even in the face of intense emotions from your partner, is incredibly good for keeping that partner safe in the relationship". What do you think of that phrasing?

if they do not get what they want the first time and keep asking anyway… that person does not respect your no and does not respect your boundaries. and that is an extreme red flag.

Totally agreed. It's unfortunate that there are people out there who, for various reasons, do not respect boundaries the first time they hit the consequences. It's a very scary thing to have a relationship with someone like that. Obviously, most BPD people are /not/ like that, but I happen to have had a relationship with someone who was, and it took a few times of breaching a boundary before she learned to respect it.

I suppose part of the reason I bring it up is that, well, I want even people who struggle with consent to have a chance to learn. And being a partner who is implacable in enforcing the same boundaires over and over is a chance for that person to /learn/ the skill of intuitively respecting consent... But I also don't want to encourage /anyone/ to have a relationship with someone who does not understand consent. I guess I don't know the best way to reframe that part.

if somebody breaks up with you because of how they feel at the time, and not because of what's going on, that's extremely toxic.

Similar to above, it's absolutely toxic behavior. It's also something I've experienced repeatedly, and something that comes up often on webpages dedicated to helping BPD partners. So I thought it was worth mentioning from the onset as a thing to expect, and how I recommend handling it.

you said "if not when" and then immediately go into saying "when they do return" take your own advice.

hahaha, very good catch! I should do that, apologies.

expecting somebody to come back every single time they break up with you… No

Ah, that's not what I was suggesting. Maybe I should have said "Never say 'when you come back', because it's a shitty thing to say to someone who is currently emotional. Even if you expect your partner to be back in a few hours, don't imply they will by saying 'when you come back', which is rude and treats them as not an adult capable of making their own decisions"

this is a guide on how to be a doormat in an unhealthy at best relationship, and abusive at worst.

That's a fair critique. I'm giving advice on how to have a relationship with people with a disability, potentially someone with significant past abuse and skill gaps. I've seen similar critiques leveled at advice to being the partner of someone with other personality disorders, mental disabilities, or even physical disabilities.

Ultimately, everyone should decide for themself whether they can be a good partner to whoever it is they love. Sometimes, the answer is no and you should break up! I don't advocate for staying in a relationship that is mutually detrimental and toxic. But, for this post, I'm giving advice to people who have decided not to give up.

Healthy Relationships with BPD partners/friends

🦉This is from the perspective of someone without BPD. Source: had a long distance BPD partner for 8 years.

You are agreeing to intense emotions. So many people make friends with BPD people thinking they'll fix them, they'll teach them, that the BPD is temporary. Assume it's not. Go into the friendship ready for and okay with those intense emotions. Treat it like a disability, not a phase.

Understand their emotions aren't comfortable. Being intensely angry or sad isn't comfortable. They're living it, they know. Almost universally, they're scared of bringing that hurt to others. Being there for them will often mean reminding them that it /isn't/ hurting you, that you're okay.

Empathize without amplifying. Humans are empathetic. Those intense emotions are going to make you emotional. What's important is that you /reduce/ the overall emotionality of the interaction. Don't spiral with them, don't escalate. They're afraid of hurting you, don't be hurt.

Know your boundaries and stick to them. Sometimes, you'll gets requests that push your boundaries. It's vital you use a consistent set of boundaries. That you say no to the same ask, every time. They're not just asking the question, they're also checking "am I hurting you with this emotion, am I 'making you worse' by being around". Consistency is a reassurance, that you're safe to be unmasked around.

Always leave the door open. Intense negative and paranoia spikes can have them break up with you. The most important thing to communicate, at these times, is that you'll be there if they want to come back (always say if, not when). And when they do return, treat them kindly, exactly as you always have. Consistency is more reassuring than empathy.

Ultimately, you have to be okay around intense emotions. From there, consistency is worth more than empathy. Be someone they can't hurt. High Locus of Control at all times. Do that, and you become someone they can bring anything to, someone they trust, and when the emotions are worse they'll come to you before doing something awful.

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

🐴New LL0 lancer campaign, time to rep Zoids again. Rainbow Jerk re-imagined as a hack-focused flyer, piloted by Far-Field Team botanist Alison, callsign INOCYBE. Line art traced with light modification from this fantastic model.

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

🦉Generational Trauma but it all goes back to Yoda's gremlin energy

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

Wait

Do cishet people NOT understand that Portal 2 is a lesbian love story?

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

future archaeologists will know you were (not) a boy

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

Not to sound like I was raised by protestants, but I think those kids who argue that it's animal abuse to put working dog breeds to work doing the tasks they were bred and born for have simply genuinely never encountered the concept that they, too, could be genuinely happier if they could do work they found wortwhile and enjoyable. Like engaging in useful and constructive activities might genuinely make life better than a life of doing absolutely nothing because nobody's making you do anything.

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

Owner who has to spell around his dumb puppy bc they get too excited about certain words

“Dude do you have a charger I can use?”

“No I do N-O-T”

“Why did you spell not?”

Owner who sighs when their puppy perks up and starts pawing at their leg

“Knot? Knot now? Doggy get knot?”

Pushing them away and rolling their eyes.

“That’s why we spell. No, puppy. No knot. Go lay down.”

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

"I won't miss" - V.IV Rusty

I've started getting into Lancer recently...

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

🦎Having a bird headmate who thinks ideas are collectible shinies be like.

168 Unsaved Notepads.

🦎Everyone talking about their collection of open browser tabs, nobody talking about how many open notepads they've got.

I see you, 37 journal entries, 18 Todo lists, and 1 really hot chat log you thought might turn into a story idea.

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

Pet play in the Pokemon universe has to go hard

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

Affini that biomods you to have sensory receptors for every sense possessed by non-Terran species, just so they can use them to play with you. Giving you the ability to see ultraviolet light so you can notice they've scrawled cognitohazardous patterns on all of your clothes, augmenting your ears to be able to hear ultra high and low-pitched sound so that you can get better entrained by their biorhythm, making you more sensitive to vibrations so that you can physically feel how much your plant loves you while you're wrapped up tight in her vines.

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

there should be a place you can go to and say "I need a break from being a person for a week" and they nod, put a collar on you, and then for the next week the only thing you need you to do is be good a good dog and do what your owner tells you. and this should be a free, essential mental health service.

[circuitfurscaleandvines2]

Post is set for a week, let's see how it goes...