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Nerd 21

Previously on Nerd

The light flipped on in the kitchen and Lexa’s head shot up as it drifted toward her bowl of cereal. She blinked a few times and twirled her spoon around absently. She was too tired for anything else, too tired to eat. Too tired to think about making it up to her room just yet.

So she half-slept through her cereal and fought to make lists in her head for the coming days.

“You look like shit, darling,” Beth chuckled as she went about making coffee.

“I’m fine.”

“There’s no business like show business,” she sang, taunting her daughter who just rolled her eyes at the tap routine. “And I tell you it’s so.”

“Har, har,” Lexa grunted before drinking some of her milk.

“Seriously, how’s it going? Having fun?”

“It’s honestly great. Just a few more night shoots and then I’ll be back on a normal schedule.”

“Are you actually learning a lot?”

“I really am. The process and stuff. It’s kind of cool. Not a huge budget, but definitely bigger than whatever I can do.”

“Speaking of…. When is the next Lexa Woods production gearing up? I looked at the film school requirements, and you have to really narrow down a lot of things and submit a few samples. But it’s really the MFA that develops the technical side. You know we still require you to get a boring back up plan degree.”

Beth moved around the kitchen in a familiar dance, one that she’d perfected. She poured herself a mug of coffee and took out the chicken for dinner. She prepped her husband’s travel mug just as he liked it. Lexa liked the tiny moments of love that she’d never thought to look at before, but now kept seeing everywhere.

“It’s the Aden documentary. So I’m already working on it… just need a little more outlining and then interviewing. It feels nice to work on something on my own. Cos is helping-- she wants to make documentaries and I never have, but I can’t get it out of my head. It’s weird to work on something on my own-- like not bossing people around and planning shoots.”

Lexa was careful to watch her mothers movements as she spoke, careful to see if there was anything she was pressing too hard on, anything she should avoid. But they’d reached a form of honesty that she was happy to experience. She didn’t want to go backwards. She didn’t want anything to change because she was sick of swallowing her words. She wasn’t ready to start again.

“I’m really excited to see how that turns out. Let me know when it’s my turn to contribute.”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“And you’re getting your summer work done?”

There was the look, the pointed, humorous look that Lexa knew to smile at because her mother was firm but fair, now more than ever.

“We’re two weeks into summer vacation. I’ll be fine.”

“Yes, but you have a girlfriend now, and two jobs, and you’re making a movie. Plus, your dad was mentioning something about a list you’re putting together? And working on the Chevelle?”

“Idle hands, and such.”

“There’s volunteering at the senior center-- don’t forget. You made a commitment.”

Beth took the bowl from across the island and placed it in the sink as Lexa sank a little lower into the counter, her cheek in the crook of her elbow.

“You’ll be sure to rest at some point this summer, right?”

“It’s been scheduled.”

Her mother smiled and rolled her eyes.

“I’m heading into the office.” She poured the coffee for herself and her husband, carefully placing the lid on his and setting it on the edge near the pot so he’d see it. “Are you going to be home for dinner?”

“No, I’m going to set around four. I’ll pack something.”

“Okay.” She moved around the edge of the island and kissed her daughter’s forehead, smoothing the hair there. “Go to bed. I’m really proud of how dedicated you are, and how grown you’ve been, accommodating your responsibilities with your passions. You’re amazing. I love you.”

“Love you too,” Lexa mumbled but still didn’t move. She was comfy where she was for a few more minutes.

She smiled to herself, a delicious kind of tired burrowing into her muscles.

XXXXXXXXXX

It wasn’t that Bellemy hadn’t been a focused person. Clarke figured she must have been attracted to people’s passion or passionate people-- driven maybe, though sometimes Lexa joked that it was probably an obsession. But there was a stark difference between the amount of work he was willing to put in, and the amount that Lexa did, and for that matter, how much help he asked for while Lexa was suffering in silence, afraid to ask for any help, of any type. Clarke was hoping to find more of a middle ground between the two.

Bellamy asked for everything, to the point of exhausting Clarke in the process. Babe, help me study, I need to go to the gym, can you grab me food. On the flipside, Lexa had to schedule things out for at least a week, and even then, rarely did she know how to relax. She enjoyed her internship, she worked, she spent time with her parents, she trained with her team, she did the summer homework, and she never asked for anything. It was an upgrade, of that Clarke was certain.

Begrudgingly, she had to admit that a busy girlfriend doing night shoots meant that she was spending more time with friends, which was fine, except Clarke felt this weird kind of absence she hadn’t experienced when she dated Bellamy and he was busy. She liked spending time with Lexa and her friends, but the absolute driven powerhouse that little nerd was though, just pushed Clarke to feel similarly in her own life as well. It was motivating, to date Lexa Woods. But her schedule also meant finding more reasons to be out of the house as much as possible. Lexa was incredibly motivating though, and even with her mother being over the moon excited about it, Clarke enrolled in two summer science classes at the community college.

It made it easier for her mother to not complain too much about spending time with Lexa, though she still frequently did. But summer was new, and Lexa was working hard, and Clarke was finally figuring out how to do what she wanted, and she was going to find some way to get the balance she wanted. There was a list, after all.

Here, she texted when she reached the designated spot. Half of Main Street had turned into a winter wonderland in the middle of the summer, and it was oddly adorable.

Clarke took a seat on the bench near the corner, well behind the cordoned off part of her own hometown. There was a lot of activity for being eleven at night. She didn’t mind the filming though, because the crew tipped well enough at the diner.

Before she could get too comfortable, a familiar baseball cap approached, weaving through the crowd. There was this thing Clarke could never quite articulate, but she felt a little happier when she saw Lexa. There was this kind of breath that came when the universe allowed her to fully inhale and exhale. Maybe it was just that Lexa was incredibly cute, with her shorts and long legs, and messy ponytail sticking out of her favorite hockey team’s cap that had been her father’s. She was focused and passionate, and when she saw Clarke, she grinned and smiled and took a breath as well. Clarke liked that part. There weren’t enough words to really describe how happy she felt to steal this time.

“Oh my God, I love you,” Lexa tossed back her head and accepted the bag of food offered to her.

Clarke bit her lip and watched her girlfriend dig into the bag, pulling out a few fries and eating them quickly. Realization dawned on her a second later, cheeks full of food, her eyes growing wider as she stared at Clarke and tried to swallow.

With an unheard of effort, Lexa swallowed and coughed, earning a chuckle Clarke couldn’t help or hide.

“I probably, uh, shouldn’t have said that… you know.. Here,” she waved at the holiday-themed town square behind her. “Or with this. Fuck, did I mess it up? I’m so sorry-- I never-- I didn’t mean that--”

“So you don’t love me?” Clarke cocked her head.

“No no no-- I just didn’t mean-- It should have been somewhere better, with candles probably, and not said with fries in my mouth, and I--” Lexa furrowed and kicked the ground, her shoulders moving as she tried to take a deep breath.

“Did you mean it?”

“Yeah, and not just because of the fries. I was really afraid I was going to say it during sex. Anya said that was a very inappropriate time to say it. She also said that I should be very sure before I said it-- and that--”

“Lexa, stop,” Clarke smiled, her heart fluttering because this girl-- THIS girl-- this girl loved her.

There was no one else she wanted to bring fries to in the middle of the night. There was no one else who she memorized how they like their burgers. There was no one else she wanted to make nervous like she made Lexa nervous.

“Sit and eat, please.”

Like a very obedient puppy, Lexa took her seat on the bench. It certainly wasn’t how Clarke expected her night to go, but her girlfriend tilted the bag and offered some of her fries and Clarke took a few while she unwrapped the burger. Light onion, lettuce, one tomato, extra pickles, ketchup, mayo, and just a little mustard.

“Last night's shoot, right?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe we wrap in two weeks. Like, I read all about,” she took a big bite and chewed a bit before speaking again, “about how Casablanca was filmed in two months, or like how Birdman allegedly only took 23 days. But seeing it all happen blows my mind.”

“You film stuff in like a few weeks, just spread out over a few months.”

“That downtime makes a difference.”

“Did you get to show the director your stuff?”

“I am next week.”

“That’s so exciting. She’s going to love it.”

Lexa blushed at the praise but nodded.

“Thanks for this. I was dying and I haven’t gotten time to stop in while you’ve been working.”

“I aim to please. Can’t have my girlfriend withering away to nothing. We have a camping trip coming up and all.”

“I’m so excited,” Lexa grinned as she ate.

Just like that, they settled into an easy conversation about their upcoming plans. Clarke had a test and work, while Lexa had work and the internship. It was a good balance and for the moment, Clarke savored it.

“So tomorrow I swapped for the early shift,” Clarke began as Lexa crumpled up her trash. “And you don’t work at the pool until Thursday, and you’re not back here until Friday. There is a double feature at Twin Pines drive-in.”

“Oh yeah? Which ones?” Lexa’s ears perked up.

“Hard Eight and Rounders.”

“A gambling double feature with lesser PTA and a Matt Damon, Ed Norton gem? It’s like my birthday.”

“You are, and I say this with all of the affection I have for you, so weird and I don’t know how I’m attracted to you sometimes.”

Lexa laughed at her girlfriend’s words and leaned forward, earning a kiss.

“I’ll take the top off the Bronco. Chinese, okay?”

“It’s a date. Make sure you get extra egg rolls. Pick me up at seven?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

Lexa tossed her trash and tucked her hands in her pockets as Clarke jingled her keys around and checked the time, realizing how late it was getting.

“Hey, earlier, you said you loved me,” Clarke cleared her throat as Lexa stood a bit closer to her. The blush came back as Clarke adjusted the bill of her hat. “Did you mean it?”

Only when Clarke put her hands on her girlfriend’s hips did Lexa melt slightly. She nodded, slowly at first and then with purpose. She had the curse of not being able to lie, and eyes that could tell Clarke about all of the words that got stuck.

“So would you say that you’re in love with me?”

“Yeah. I’d say that.”

“I kind of like that you said it with a mouth full of fries,” Clarke grinned. Lexa smiled slightly. “I kind of like that it popped out because you couldn’t hold it in.”

Clarke tugged her girlfriend’s neck and kissed her because her heart was too light and her soul was too happy to do anything else.

“I love you, too,” Clarke whispered as Lexa’s hands slid around her waist. “I don’t want candles and whatever silly things you think because you’ve seen them on a screen. Just you, being you, and me, being me.”

“You do?” Lexa breathed, her smile growing wider than allowed.

Clarke rolled her eyes and nodded, but was kissed quiet before she could answer.

XXXXXXXXX

By mid-June, there’d been a wonderful kind of routine that developed between the laziness of summer and the need to fill it up with fun and responsibilities. Lexa was nearly done with her short internship, and still buzzing with the feeling of it. Tirelessly, she made herself work for at least an hour every day on her summer project, the Aiden Documentary. She made plans and did normal summer things she’d often dreamt of. She watched her girlfriend in a bikini at the pool.

Most importantly, she perfected the list.

The Ultimate Summer List: 1. Road trip to the beach. 2. Drive-in movie 3. Concert 4. After-hours skinny dipping 5. Camping 6. Big party finale 7. Summer love 8. Something big

“This is a pretty good list,” Clarke nodded with approval as she looked it over. She stuck out her tongue as Lexa recorded her.

“I think so, yeah. We did extensive research. Now tell me, Clarke Griffin, what should we do first on the list?”

“You’ve already done the drive-in. We have a few of these already planned–”

“I mean what’s on your summer list?”

“You.”

Lexa gave her a look over her camera and rolled her eyes. It was new, the constant camera carrying, but Costia had given Lexa the advice as a documentarian to actually, you know, document. It was much different than her attempts at screenwriting and planning and storyboarding with Luna. This was very purposeful and natural, all at the same time.

“This might sound weird, but for the first time, I kind of just want to enjoy whatever the summer throws my way. Next year is colleges and planning and waiting and studying. This summer, I feel like I have my own little life. I’ve never really had that before. So I want to help you on this list. And I want to spend time reading by the pool and going to bonfires. I’m a simple girl.”

“That was a good answer.”

“I don’t think you’re allowed to say that to your subjects.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not much of a documentarian, I’m learning.”

Lexa closed the screen and put her camera down on Clarke’s desk. Her room was much different than the rest of the house. Lived in, refreshed. Bikinis dried in the bathroom sink after they spent the afternoon washing their cars in the driveway. Lunch was left on paper plates stacked on the nightstand. An effort of at least pulling out the summer homework from its place in her bag was made.

The routine that developed was really nice, Lexa realized, as she crawled over and sat beside her girlfriend. Dr. Griffin was usually at the hospital for long stretches, so Clarke’s became a default stop for Lexa. They’d play a few rounds of cards with her father sometimes before lunch, if he was feeling up to it. They’d spend the warmer part of the day hanging out, making plans. When her internship was done, Lexa would have a bit more time and be less tired, but for now, Clarke was happy enough to support her by just being chill together.

“Do you know what you should add to the list?”

“What’s that?” she asked, leaning her chin on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Girlfriend’s parent’s bbq.”

“That is a good one. It was really nice of your mom to invite my parents.”

“She’s just sizing you up is all.”

“Still not my biggest fan?” Clarke shook her head and chuckled. “I don’t understand why. I do everything right. Curfew is observed. No sneaking around. I’m polite when she’s around.”

“You have been a good influence on me.”

“I changed the oil in your truck!”

“You’re never going to win her over,” Clarke promised. “And that’s okay by me. My dad likes you a lot.”

Clarke ran her hand along Lexa’s thigh, and Lexa forgot what she should be concerned about. She was really hoping that never went away. She couldn’t imagine it. They had plans for a run after Clarke’s shift at the diner. They had plans to go swimming on Saturday. There was a date coming up, too. Lexa thought it’d be hard to have someone else be in her life, but Clarke didn’t impose. She didn’t withhold. She was just… she felt like a limb, sometimes.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” Clarke asked.

“What do you think of me?”

“Oh, I agree with my mother. You’re terrible. I should focus on my studies. You’ll–” Clarke erupted in a shriek as Lexa tickled her side, Clarke curling into herself as she slid toward the ground, trying to escape her fingers.

“You are ridiculous.”

“Yeah, well. It’s part of my charm,” Clarke managed between catching her breath.

But Clarke didn’t let Lexa sit up. In fact, she pulled her closer. Their skin was cool and shivering in the air conditioned house, fresh from the heat outside. Lexa shivered as her girlfriend’s hand ran up her side. She kissed Clarke’s neck, because when she did that, she got this noise that made her insides turn to lava. She liked the noises. Clarke made very, very good noises.

“I thought summer would have a lot more opportunities for hooking up,” Clarke murmured as she slid her hand into Lexa’s pants.

“Me too.”

It had been a week. A full week since they went camping with a dozen or so people from Clarke and Lexa’s groups, ranging from the soccer team to student government to diner coworkers. Luna declined, and Lexa accepted it well enough. Half the group hiked, most spent time on the lakefront. Everyone drank and played games, late into the night. Lexa and Clarke escaped into their tent before they got tipsy. Lexa came with Clarke’s hand over her mouth and her tongue inside of her, and that was the best camping experience she’d ever had.

“You did?”

“I mean, once I got a girlfriend and we started hooking up, it’s kind of on my mind a lot.”

Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa again. Lexa appreciated that she didn’t have to explain anything else. Or that Clarke didn’t say anything about her assumptions. Instead, Lexa pushed her hips forward, settling between Clarke’s legs and enjoying the feeling. The summer had been busy, but she was nearly back to a normal schedule. And she hoped normal meant more of this. More of–

“Clarke?”

Before they could separate, the door to her bedroom opened, and her mother was standing there, dumbfounded and looking at them. Lexa wanted to move, but she was still stunned. She knew that Clarke’s hand was in her pants, in her underwear, actually, grabbing her ass and tugging her closer. Her own right hand was under Clarke’s bra, a place it perpetually seemed to gravitate.

For what felt like an hour, they all remained stoic before Dr. Griffin turned around, eyes full of fire in the last instant Lexa saw them. The two bodies on the floor pulled apart, and Lexa tucked in her shirt for some reason, despite never doing it any other time.

“This is what you do while you’re home for summer break?” Dr. Griffin asked, back to them both still.

“Make out with my girlfriend?” Clarke tried, and Lexa shot her a look. Her cheeks had to be burning at atomic temperatures.

“I think I should head out–”

“That’s a good idea,” the mother decided, finally turning around.

“I’ll give you a ride,” Clarke offered, grabbing her bag for work. “I have to head over to work anyway soon.”

“You don’t have–”

Helplessly, Lexa tried to contribute the right things to the conversation.

“I think my daughter and I will need to have a conversation. Have a nice day, Lexa.”

“Just wait, Lex,” Clarke tried. “I can’t now, Mom. I’ll be late. I’ll talk to you later.”

“I really–”

“Clarke, I swear to God, sit down on that bed, right now.”

“I have to go,” Clarke challenged back and Lexa looked helplessly around for another exit. The windows didn’t look too bad. She’d done it before. It wasn’t a bad fall. “Let’s go, Lex.”

Seething. That was the word Lexa could think of when she looked at Dr. Griffin, though she found herself unable to do that for more than an instant. Boiling over. There might have been steam coming from her ears, and her jaw was surely going to crack under the pressure. But she moved aside and didn’t say anything else.

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand when they made it to the steps, and Lexa realized, unfortunately, in that moment, it might be a lot longer between hook ups yet again.

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